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[godsnameisjoy]

THE RELUCTANT ATTENTIONALIST

Date: 26 April 2024

Duration: 54 minutes at 11:11 PM

Depth:

It is possible that my attention sensed a new depth coming up. Frankly, I don’t think that the faculty of attention enjoys undergoing any change. I also think that attention undergoes a change with every new depth of mind which calmness of meditation brings about. The most underestimated aspect of spiritual change is that it is irreversible. Somehow our attention knows this.

Attention is naturally reluctant to undergo any irreversible changes. Every few meditations, when a new depth approaches, my attention makes me rebel the meditation I am in. Last night was one such meditation. The last 30 minutes were spent using all the peace I had to keep my reluctant attention meditating. At the 54th minute, my attention won.

[godsnameisjoy]

REMEMBERING PEACE

Date: 25 April 2024

Duration: 61 minutes at 11:23 PM

Depth:

It was a good meditation. I say it because I can’t remember a thing about it. Not being able to recall is usually a sign of a decent depth of meditation. One can confirm it with how one felt during meditation.

The feelings usually linger on after any session. So it becomes relatively easier to recall how one felt in a meditation rather than where one’s attention was during the meditation.

Last night, my attention was planted in a zone of thick peace. It was a multi-directional and a relatively pure type of peace. I am pretty sure that such peace influences the workings of the faculty of paying attention.

[godsnameisjoy]

THICK PEACE

Date: 24 April 2024

Duration: 61 minutes at 10:44 PM

Depth:

Last night I opened my eyes even earlier than 2 other recent meditations. For 2 recent nights, I opened my eyes assuming completion of meditation and found 23 minutes remaining. Last night, I opened my eyes first when there were 26 minutes remaining. It is a sign. The mild change in pattern is indicative of a change in depth. The change has not been revealed and so I can’t go ahead and describe it.

The first 35 minutes of last night’s were in such depths that I can’t recall any of it. The remaining 26 minutes were spent in relatively shallow depth of mind. In these 26 minutes, there were stronger spinal vibrations than in the first 35 minutes. I remember peace being thick in the last 26 minutes.

I am just happy to know that my attention is able to handle a thick sort of peace even after it has given me a feeling of completing my meditation. Thanks to my attention getting used to thick peace, I was able to sit through the shallow second half of the session.

[godsnameisjoy]

NO TITLE

Date: 23 April 2024

Duration: 61 minutes at 10:29 PM

Depth:

Here is a quote:

“Real happiness can stand the challenge of all outer experiences. When you can bear the crucifixions of others’ wrongs against you and still return love and forgiveness; and when you can keep that divine inner peace intact despite all painful thrusts of outer circumstance, then you shall know this happiness.”

- Paramahansa Yogananda

[godsnameisjoy]

NOT SO INTENSE

Date: 22 April 2024

Duration: 62 minutes at 10:42 PM

Depth:

Last night’s meditation isn’t about depth, just like the night before. I had a feeling of reaching my deepest best when I opened my eyes to find 23 minutes remaining on my 61 minutes timer. However, it was only a fleeting feeling that is not supported with a glimpse into another meditational phenomenon.

Peace grew in every direction for the duration that I sat meditating. Peace didn’t take on a single direction like it has a few times in recent meditations. As I write about it, I have a vague and unsupported feeling of never experiencing single pointed peace ever again. It may very well have been a one time experience that’s behind me already.

After opening my eyes for the first time, I was observant of the level at which I was meditating. My hearing wasn’t interiorised enough to cut all the usual ambient sounds off. Thankfully, there was enough peace that my attention was soaking up. With the help of peace, I was able to carry on meditating beyond an hour. I affirmed for harmony too.

[godsnameisjoy]

ATTENTION’S DESIRE

Date: 21 April 2024

Duration: 75 minutes at 11:00 PM

Depth:

This session is less about depth more about duration. I kept meditating at a certain depth last night, seeking subconsciously the depth where peace takes on a single direction. That moment never came. However, while meditating for it, I ended up adding 14 minutes to the preset 61 minutes timer.

It was almost as if my attention knew that it can do better and it kept going. My attention sought more than what it was getting. Meditation does things to one’s attention that consciously developed mental skills like maths can’t. Attention seems to develop a desire of its own after it has got a taste of inner peace. Inner peace stands alone. So does attention’s desire to experience greater peace.

[godsnameisjoy]

DEEP AGAIN

Date: 20 April 2024

Duration: 63 minutes at 10:52 PM

Depth:

It was good to visit my established deepest best level of meditation last night. After 2 consecutive nights of relatively shallow meditations, I was happy just to find myself gathering life energy in the head.

Energies didn’t gather to the point of carving more path towards the centre of my eyebrows but it was so much better than shaking more than usual, due to energies dissipating through spinal vibrations. It was good to have my sense of hearing interiorised as much as it did last night. It was much better than being able to hear ambient sounds in the preceding 2 meditations.

The quality of last night’s meditation is evidence that the bodily imbalances life energy had chosen to restore, has been restored. Hopefully, I’ll be blessed with spiritual growth in upcoming meditations.

[godsnameisjoy]

SHALLOW

Date: 19 April 2024

Duration: 41 minutes at 10:53 PM

Depth:

I have no factors outside of the body I live in to blame for last night’s shallow and short meditation. At 41 minutes, I knew that if I continued with meditation, I would only shake involuntarily, progressively more. I knew that my attention had no chance in helping me reach a decent depth of mind.

I realised after meditation that all the life energy I had taught myself to gather through decades of meditation wouldn’t have chosen the front of my head to work on. Last night, the blessed force chose to spend itself in restoring bodily imbalances. It was a particular organ, lower than the head, that required life energy’s blessed presence.

[godsnameisjoy]

BROKEN PATTERN

Date: 18 April 2024

Duration: 62 minutes at 10:29 PM

Depth:

The pattern of alternating deep and shallow meditations broke yesterday after 2-3 cycles. I entered last night’s meditation expecting a deep type session. However, the session began with me going straight to the depths with a healing visualisation for a friend’s wife. I usually don’t begin with any prayers for anyone other than me. Last night, while still in the middle of the opening prayer for Gods and gurus, my attention raced to visualise healing in another.

As if that start wasn’t enough to disrupt the pattern, the doorbell rang! Thankfully, I didn’t have to disturb my posture. However, all attempts to race inwards to the point of undoing my hearing from ambient sounds was in vain. I never reached the depth I was supposed to, through the entire session. The saving grace about the meditation was that when my attention chose to wrap it up, there were only 4 minutes remaining on the preset 61 minutes timer. I affirmed for harmony a few times and managed to add a minute to the preset duration.

[godsnameisjoy]

ALTERNATING SHALLOW

Date: 17 April 2024

Duration: 51 minutes at 11:06 PM

Depth:

Last night’s meditation followed the recent pattern of alternating deep and shallow meditations. Last night’s meditation was relatively shallow.

I shook with spinal vibrations a bit more than my usual and through most of the meditation. My sense of hearing wasn’t as interiorised as the night before. I heard the usual ambient sounds, unlike the night before last.

To conclude, my attention wasn’t cut off from the immediate outer environment and tucked well into the thick silence of peace.

[godsnameisjoy]

THE NEW DEPTH

Date: 16 April 2024

Duration: 64 minutes at 10:21 PM

Depth:

Again, a session of great depth. My decades long post-kundalini practice seems to be in the middle of a pattern. I am experiencing alternating sessions of great depth and relatively shallow depth. During last night’s meditation, the experience of interiorised hearing was to such a degree that I didn’t hear any of the usual ambient sounds. It was just like how I have described it in my writing dated 14th April 2024.

There was evidence of movement having taken place while I meditated last night but I didn’t hear any of it. I love the new depth. To think of it, I have loved the experience of every new depth that I have arrived at in the last 24 years of my practice. However, the new depth is where peace has shown glimpses of one-pointed direction. That’s is different from the ever growing in all directions kind of peace that have already experienced for a few months now.

The language of peace is silence. For a quiet mind to take on direction reminds me of Swami Vivekananda’s Raja Yoga. In the book, He speaks of the meditator’s mind turning into a vacuum and being charged with a single charge. That’s how I remember what I have read. Back when I read his words, I didn’t have a well developed mental faculty to even imagine what it would be like. Now, thanks to blessing of a bit of experience, I am beginning to understand the words I read years back.

[godsnameisjoy]

ADVANCED SHALLOWNESS

Date: 15 April 2024

Duration: 61 minutes at 10:22 PM

Depth:

Last night’s meditation was as shallow as the night of the 13th of April 2024. I shook much more than my usual due to spinal vibrations. Like the 13th, the upper end of the spine was unable to contain the one way upward flow of life energy during meditation. In fact, I think it is the upper half of my head with its shrinking cross sectional radii that’s unable to hold the kind of energy the widest part of my head has been able to.

The flow of life energy has been blocked to an earlier level at least a few times during last night’s meditation. I heard soft clacks and clicks coming from the centre of my head sometimes. I also heard much of the ambient sounds. Those used to be the highlights of my meditations back in 2023, between June and December.

It’s best that I don’t jump to any predictions about upcoming meditations knowing that the phenomenon of hearing the presence of life energy inside my head is most likely a phenomenon that has been phased out for me. The stream of life energy has places to go. However, its flow is facing the progressively smaller part of the upper half of my bulbous head each night.

It’s best if I keep up with my daily meditations.

[godsnameisjoy]

INTERIORISED HEARING

Date: 14 April 2024

Duration: 64 minutes at 10:30 PM

Depth:

This was an incredibly deep meditation. It was so unlike the meditation from the 13th. On the night of the 13th, I shook against my will with spinal vibrations. I shook a lot more than usual. My head wasn’t able to contain the surplus of freed life energy in it.

On the contrary, last night’s meditation has evidence of interiorised hearing. Between June and December of 2023, I experienced the phenomenon of hearing sounds coming from inside my head. It was almost as if the stream of life energy wished for my attention to know that it was present in the centre of my head! From the beginning of 2024, the phenomenon of hearing ultra fine sounds of energy running through my brain capillaries, has been phased out.

I have been considerably sure about my hearing remaining interiorised through the first 3 months of 2024. I guess I needed a closing confirmation about it. I received it last night. Last night, once I felt that was done meditating, I opened my eyes to find about 9 minutes remaining on my 61 minutes timer. I was surprised to find evidence of stuff being moved in the room I was meditating in but it hadn’t caught my attention at all while I meditated.

My sense of hearing was interiorised enough to cut off my attention completely from everyday sounds. These are sounds that commonly bring my attention to the surface and I use them as cues to return to meditation. Last night’s deep interioistaion has been spoken of by Paramahansa Yogananda in his writings.

Paramahansa Yogananda has suggested working on one’s concentration. He has given the example of being so absorbed in one’s studies while in the college library that one doesn’t hear the hourly bell. He wants the meditator’s concentration to reach such levels of absorption. I may have arrived the level a few times during last night’s meditation.

[godsnameisjoy]

TOO MUCH TO HANDLE

Date: 13 April 2024

Duration: 61 minutes at 11:13 PM

Depth:

This is what I think is happening in the present phase of my post-kundalini meditation practice. Peace energy has begun reaching its maximum capacity in my head. I’ll add the details in a bit. A brief history, for now:

I began taking interest in meditation back in 1999.

In March of 2020, I experienced my first spinal vibration.

At the end of 2022, peace that had been running up my spine during my meditations, breached my head.

In the first half of 2023, I have written many blog updates about peace energy pooling my peace deprived head.

In the last few weeks, I have had distinct experiences to suggest that the pooled energy is attempting a way out.

Adding the details:

Last night, I shook a lot due to spinal vibrations. When I made an effort to observe, I could tell that it was my head that was dissipating energy it couldn’t contain anymore. I remember writing about the head’s bulbous shape back in my meditation diary entries in the first few months of 2023. The peace deficit bulbous head has been able to pool peace energy. I have a feeling that the widest part of the bulb has been reached.

Now onwards, peace has to fill the upper half of the bulbous head. Or so it seems to me. Peace is experiencing an increasingly constricted space to move in. And peace can’t pool any less than what it has 😊because meditational growth is irreversible. So, after giving me a glimpse of peace finding its singular direction forward within my head, it chose to dissipate from head last night.

Peaceful life energy is a benign and benevolent force. It does not initiate any destruction in the form it flows in. All it has to do to allow its creation to die is to withdraw itself from the individual form. When an individual takes up meditation, life energy is freed by calming the mind and relaxing the body. Such relaxed surplus energy finds residence in the spine. Every meditation after peace finds such spinal residence is about peace moving towards its source. The individual is spiritualised while peace moves towards its source.

[godsnameisjoy]

TORRENT ONLY

Date: 12 April 2024

Duration: 60 minutes at 11:42 PM

Depth:

Opening my eyes after meditating just to find the last few seconds ticking away on the preset 61 minutes timer was fascinating. It was the first time I was opening my eyes during last night’s session. I opened my eyes with mild reluctance. I had a feeling that I hadn’t spent enough minutes.

A false but real feeling of falling short in meditation duration can come about as a result of meditating at a relatively shallow depth of mind. In the current phase of my decades long practice, I am in between 2 depths.

The depth I seek is the depth I have a got a taste of. It is the depth when all previously pooled peace in the head, takes a direction. The depth I am hoping to outgrow is where peace pools in the head in a torrent. Last night’s meditation was of the second, shallow kind.

[godsnameisjoy]

SILENT AFTERNOON

Date: 11 April 2024

Duration: 56 minutes at 10:59 PM

Depth:

Yesterday, I napped in the afternoon. For the first time ever, I experienced the silence of peace outside of meditation. The utterly silent zone has existed during my meditations alone until yesterday.

When one speaks of an imaginary subject like pink elephants, it is mostly imagination minus any feelings joined to it. However, if I was to speak of a subject that you have experienced eating many times before such as oranges, then it isn’t imagination anymore. It will be the sum total of every memory of several oranges that you have eaten before.

In reminding you of oranges, I make you relive the experience of eating them. That’s the power of remembering anything from one’s post kundalini meditations. With freed life energy running up the spine and inside the head, one experiences peace for the first time. And when one pools enough peace energy in the head, it becomes an experience to be recalled while snoozing in an afternoon in April.

The energy that runs life is beautiful because it is nothing but peace.

[godsnameisjoy]

UNABLE TO RECALL

Date: 10 April 2024

Duration: 62 minutes at 11:31 PM

Depth:

I can’t remember the bulk of the session. In the last 9 minutes, I opened my eyes twice. My attention was suggesting that I had meditated enough. And my collection of inner peace was suggesting that I can carry on meditating despite my attention’s suggestion. These are the only minutes of the session that I have some memory of.

That leaves me with the first 53 minutes of the session to describe. They were spent in a mind space that’s located awfully far from the faculty of registering memory. I can’t remember a thing as I write this blog update in the morning after. In fact, I couldn’t recall anything immediately after I opened my eyes for the first time. I opened my eyes when I had 9 minutes left on the 61 minutes timer.

All I know is that the meditation left me more peaceful than ever before.