goldenmoon06

[goldenmoon06]

It's always interesting when people compare Elizabeth to Lydia, and they do have a few similarities, but I personally viewed a pre-Darcy Elizabeth as well on the way to becoming her father: intelligent, witty, insightful and independent yet always mocking rather than genuinely connecting, bantering rather than having real and serious conversations, retreating and detaching rather than engaging.

And that's why even though the focus is usually on how meeting Elizabeth transformed Darcy for the better, I see Darcy as just as integral to Elizabeth evolving into a far better person. Darcy is serious, complex, mature, responsible, and painfully honest - he compels Elizabeth to take life more seriously, to rethink her judgments, viewpoints and perspectives rather than just remaining complacent, and to engage in deeper discussions and more candid self-introspection than she would have otherwise!

[goldenmoon06]

I have a curious habit of not actually reading/watching popular pieces of media (such as DC comics or My Hero Academia) but engaging a TON with the fandom. I can’t even remember how I got introduced to the fandoms, but I’m fairly certain I could tell you the major plots and arcs of MHA, and half a million versions of fanon characterizations of popular characters. Do I think it’s accurate to the source material? Ya know, from what I’ve seen discussed, the source material might not even be accurate to itself. I am simply fascinated by the different ways people take the same framework and fill it out/bend it/break it in order to tell stories. Would I be disappointed if the actual source material doesn’t align with the fanfictions I enjoy the most? Absolutely. Hence why I’m not reading/watching it anytime soon.

[goldenmoon06]

I feel like this characterization goes in hand with modern readers wanting the “strong female lead” to have a certain level of disinterest in the traditionally feminine activities of the time. Modern stories have female leads who even have disdain for feminine activities and even for those who enjoy doing them. From the little I know of Jane Austen as an author, this take is inconsistent with the themes and messages she was portraying in her writing.

This characterization being so prevalent makes me wonder how many of these people first read Harry Potter and identified with Hermione. She is another character that people love to make headcanons for that don’t have much good textual evidence.

But! As someone who got very into needlework, specifically cross stitching, while reading Pride and Prejudice, I love having that in common with Elizabeth. And I do sew way more often than I read these days. I think it’s because I love to make things, not just consume someone else’s ideas. And that, I think, is a more fun avenue to pursue when making headcanons, because that allows for some fun contrasts between characters.

I find it interesting that in fanon Elizabeth Bennet is widely held up as an avid bookworm when, in fact, there isn't a great deal of textual evidence to support that particular headcanon.

Perhaps it's because Mr Darcy comments on her reading at Netherfield or thanks to certain adaptations, but I frequently see her depicted as a voracious reader when we have the benefit of her view of her relationship to books from Elizabeth herself:

'“I deserve neither such praise nor such censure,” cried Elizabeth; “I am not a great reader, and I have pleasure in many things.”'

This is supported by the text as when Elizabeth reads in Chapter 8, it's only when she briefly ventures downstairs after attending to Jane for much of the day because Jane has finally fallen asleep. She picks up a book because the rest of the party are playing cards and, she suspects, gambling on the outcome:

'On entering the drawing-room she found the whole party at loo, and was immediately invited to join them; but suspecting them to be playing high she declined it, and making her sister the excuse, said she would amuse herself for the short time she could stay below, with a book.'

The fact that Elizabeth reads as almost a last resort makes Darcy's infamous 'improvement of her mind by extensive reading,' line all the funnier as it's further proof that he really doesn't know her and was only looking for superficial commonalities, rather than getting to know her on a deeper level.

There is one other time where she possibly reads, towards the end of Chapter 12, when she is briefly alone with Darcy. While he reads, there is no indication that Elizabeth does too:

'Steady to his purpose, he scarcely spoke ten words to her through the whole of Saturday, and though they were at one time left by themselves for half-an-hour, he adhered most conscientiously to his book, and would not even look at her.'

Actually, there are far more instances of Elizabeth picking up some needlework and sewing which perhaps point to that being her preferred method of passing the time...

In Chapter 10, when Caroline gives a running commentary on Mr Darcy writing a letter:

'Elizabeth took up some needlework, and was sufficiently amused in attending to what passed between Darcy and his companion.'

In Chapter 11, when Jane ventures downstairs and Bingley is fussing over her:

'Elizabeth, at work in the opposite corner, saw it all with great delight.'

In Chapter 59, after Mr Darcy returns from speaking to Mr Bennet to seek his consent:

'In a few minutes he approached the table where she was sitting with Kitty; and, while pretending to admire her work said in a whisper, “Go to your father, he wants you in the library.”'

In my opinion, I think most of us that adore Pride and Prejudice are likely bookworms ourselves and want to have something in common with a heroine we adore. It's far nicer to think of yourself as an Elizabeth Bennet than a Mary Bennet... though perhaps, unfortunately, such a sentiment is not supported by the text...

[goldenmoon06]

let’s gooooo!

Woke up early today to make blueberry muffins with my mom :)

[goldenmoon06]

Fun part of being into metal music but living in the south and having no big desire to dress particularly alternative is that I currently look like I’m about to go line dancing but I’m in fact at a metal concert. I enjoy it, though, it’s funny 😂

[goldenmoon06]

absolutely hate being around people who follow really specific healthy diets, because they inevitably talk about it and make me feel terrible. and i know that we are in different situations, the nutrition requirements of a woman in her 50s is gonna be different than mine as a 20 year old, but each instance of them casting judgement on food that i enjoy and eat a decent amount of just makes me feel terrible. i don’t want to hear how you don’t do seed oils, or pasta, or carbs in general, or how mcdonald’s will kill you, i just want to eat dinner in peace!

i enjoy chips, fried food, sweets, carbs, and whatever other evil foods, and i don’t want to feel judged for enjoying them. I’m young, i’m active, and i eat in moderation, i have no reason to feel this bad about myself. especially because i have been at a stable weight and haven’t had any desire to lose weight before this! and im not even fat! it feels so unreasonable to be so distressed over this, but here i am, having left the dinner table to cry in the dark because i can’t handle mirrors right now

[goldenmoon06]

I just woke up from a dream I had last night that left me feeling, empty almost.

I was in our campus’ auditorium watching the band perform, and I was doing what I always do, watching him play at the back in the percussion section. When it was over I made my way to the front to maybe say hi or offer to help load up the instruments onto the trailer or something like that. I ended up off to the side of the stage, behind some curtains, and he was there, having followed me.

We ended up talking, joking, like we used to, and I felt like I was walking on clouds, about to float away. Then someone called my name. I startled and ran from the curtained area, sure that he didn’t want to be found alone with me backstage. I walked back into the main area and told my friends that I had just been helping with putting equipment away, and they believed me. We walked out together, but they had to separate since my car was parked across campus from their dorms.

It was lonely, and it felt like being abandoned.

Then, he came up from behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, walking with me across the quad. I couldn’t believe that he was actually doing it, let alone while we were in the middle of campus where people could see us. So I smiled and we talked and joked some more as he walked me to my car in a couple’s embrace.

It felt so magical, so calming, like I didn’t have to worry about anything anymore because he was there and he could protect me from anything. I didn’t want the walk to end.

Then I woke up. And I realized I made it all up. I haven’t seen him in weeks, and I won’t see him again until band camp. And even when I do see him again, he won’t act like that because he isn’t actually into me anymore. He was just lonely, didn’t realize the attraction was because of it until too late, after I had gotten attached.

I get it now, the crushing loneliness when all your friends are in happy relationships and you’re not. I don’t blame him. I don’t think I ever could. I just kind of wish I didn’t miss him this desperately. But then again, I don’t know if I actually want to move on.

[goldenmoon06]

blasting recession pop music in my headphones to study for organic chemistry is a vibe tbh

i’m still gonna do bad on the test, but that’s neither here nor there

[goldenmoon06]

shoutout to the guy in my physics class that i make comedically timed eye contact with during lectures! you keep me sane. you are also a pretty great lab partner, i appreciate the competency

[goldenmoon06]

man, Easter this year was depressing, probably because it was my first one I’ve spent truly by myself, but i didn’t realize how utterly lonely i would feel. campus was almost completely empty, my roommates were all out of town, so were most all of my friends, and the ones that were in town i didn’t see, even after reaching out. i’ve basically spent the whole weekend doing chores around the apartment and trying to study

[goldenmoon06]

i live with three roommates, and im really close with the one i have a shared bathroom with, but not really the other two, who are sisters. personally, im very close with my own older sister, and its always been that way, but my roommates are sometimes aggressive towards each other in a way that puts me very on edge. for context: i hate raised voices and loud arguments, especially in or around my living space because there was a time when my sister was constantly in fights with our parents and i was left to mediate, and it really stressed me out. nowadays, hearing raised voices makes my heart rate skyrocket, and i can’t really tell if or when the people arguing or fighting have made up, so i just feel anxious for several days after because i don’t want to do anything to set them off at each other or at myself

[goldenmoon06]

ya know, ever since i’ve started swing and ballroom dancing at college, i think i’ve gotten closer to understanding how Elizabeth might have been feeling at the assembly in P&P. like, it really does suck to have to sit out and watch everyone else dance when you love to dance, especially if there are guys who could ask you, but they don’t do any dancing even though that’s the point of the whole thing.

it’s worse when it’s something that constantly happens, but if it’s only once in a while it’s something i can deal with in mostly good spirits. However! if someone is at swing for the first time and doesn’t know that most of the time i’m in relatively high demand as a dance partner, but sees me sitting out for whatever reason and INSULTS ME, i am throwing hands! the grudge i would hold would be legendary, because lord knows im already having negative thoughts about myself, and i sure don’t need some rando acting all high and mighty

[goldenmoon06]

i think i’m gonna be super delusional about the upcoming spring ball i’m attending, it’s probably very unrealistic to expect to be swept off my feet while learning to waltz, i’m more likely to get stepped on my feet

[goldenmoon06]

date party tonight!! i’m inactive tho so my friend invited me to it 💀 it’s hoot n holler tho so im very excited to break out my boots and line dance

[goldenmoon06]

studying physics on the quad is hella aesthetic ngl. i have my textbook, notebook, calculator, pen, and water all set out nicely on my beach towel (in the process of making a large picnic quilt) and i actually get work done

[goldenmoon06]

i’ve sat in the sun for so long that my metal barrette has become the temperature of the sun please send help

[goldenmoon06]

class registration is always a Process, especially because marching band is guaranteed to conflict with at least one of my labs. but I've gotten it pretty much done now