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Haitani Brother Headcanons (Unhinged)

Ran once swapped Rindou’s shampoo with hair dye—turns out it was permanent. Rindou spent weeks with bright purple hair until he finally got it fixed. He now refers to it as “the most traumatizing experience of his life” and swears revenge every chance he gets.

Rindou once rigged Ran’s room to explode with confetti, glitter, and foam if he opened the door. It was an elaborate setup that had Ran walking into a trap at least five times before realizing the pattern. Rindou never lets him live it down.

Ran once convinced Rindou to go bungee jumping off a cliff… with no harness. The only reason Rindou survived was because he accidentally grabbed a branch on the way down. Ran just laughed, saying, “You were fine, weren’t you? You didn’t die, so that’s a win.”

They’ve also spent nights trying to break into various dangerous places for fun—think abandoned amusement parks or high-security buildings—and they’re so lucky it hasn’t backfired worse than it has.

If they’re ever in a physical altercation, they’ll simultaneously beat the ever-loving crap out of each other and laugh like they’re in a comedy show. One moment Ran’s got Rindou in a headlock, the next moment Rindou’s got a chokehold on him. It’s pure chaos, but they’re having the time of their lives.

Rindou challenged Ran to a “who-can-carry-the-other-longest” competition. It turned into an all-out brawl with them both carrying each other in strange positions—Rindou on Ran’s back, Ran cradling Rindou in a fireman’s lift, both of them losing their balance and tumbling into a mud puddle. They then declared it a draw and went to drink together afterward like nothing happened.

Rindou once stole Ran’s entire wardrobe, just to show him how much better he looked in the outfits. He didn’t tell Ran until Ran showed up to a meeting in a completely mismatched outfit.

Ran once made Rindou promise to do a weird dance in front of their whole crew as a “rite of passage.” When Rindou reluctantly did it, Ran pulled out a camera and posted it to their social media, laughing hysterically while Rindou screamed at him to delete it. It stayed up for days.

Once, Ran decided to “decorate” Rindou’s room while he was out, so he filled it with thousands of balloons. When Rindou walked in, he was immediately swarmed, then started popping balloons like a maniac. Ran stood in the doorway, laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe, before casually saying, “Happy birthday, idiot.”

Sometimes they’ll intentionally walk out of the house wearing matching outfits that are completely out of place, just to confuse people. Ran once wore a full-on pink princess dress (with heels) to a gang meeting just to mess with the opponents. Rindou, who somehow doesn’t even flinch, wore a clown costume. They’ve never been more terrifying—or more ridiculous.

They once went to a fancy restaurant dressed in suits, just to see if they could act normal. They couldn’t. They ordered the entire menu, threw food at each other, and probably traumatized the staff (and then got chucked out by the manager).

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DONT SCROLL THIS IS IMPORTANT!

im begging anyone who sees this post to prevent rapesexual, im begging you. no one will see this but if you do reblog to get the message out that these fuckers exist and dont deserve to exist heres the flag so you can know who to fucking block, report and tell to fuck off

i dont want this to ruin the pride and help with self esteem of being lgbtq+ so a signal boost from larger accounts might be nice