gore-whore132

[gore-whore132]

4/7/20

First journal entry! <3

Today was rather uneventful. I was woken up by my mother at about 10 and did the dishes I neglected to do last night. She was rightfully upset, as I didn’t do them like I told her I would, but she had already taken my phone the day before last for the same reason, so she couldn’t do much about it. She did the whole “I’m 17 and need to be responsible” speech, but I didn’t listen as I’ve heard it countless times. I have gotten better about doing my work though, but I’m still pretty bad at it.

She let Bro sleep longer, and didn’t get onto him about doing his chores, as per usual. She often shows favoritism like this, and though it’s frustrating, I’ve gotten used to it.

I took a small nap after 12, till about 1:30, as I’ve been getting lightheaded and very fatigued lately. She was upset I wasn’t doing school work, of course (understandably so as I am behind quite a bit), and told me that I couldn’t do anything enjoyable on the computer as the screen is obviously the reason why. So no D&D, no art, no WoW and no Minecraft. 

I do my work in my room, so I planned to do it anyways, except the D&D thing as I need to be in a VC to do so. I was upset, of course, but I understood. I’m not sure if it’s the screen 24/7 or not, but it’s very possible.

I checked in with my teachers and procrastinated the rest of the day, texting friends, watching YouTube, and scrolling though the art posts in a discord server I’m in. It was not a productive day, and I’m disappointed in myself, but eventually it’s just like any other day. Nothing really matters in the end.

I told my friends that we are putting down my dog of 15 years on Thursday, so they wouldn’t be surprised when all this is over and they come to my house only to not find that lovable black blob of kind old lady. I’ve cried plenty of tears already, as I thought it was time to put her down about a year ago, when she started having difficulties getting up and walking. She’s no practically a mushroom, she can’t see, hear, or move really, and it’s no way for an animal to live.

At about 5 we took Cali (our new puppy) for a walk. It lasted about and hour, as we played with her at the park. When we got home I got back on my computer to play MC until dinner, which was an hour ago (about 8). 

We ate chicken and dumplings, and I was in a very good mood at first. Then Bro brought up he needed wipes for his face (we buy them a lot) even though we bought like 9 last Thursday. Mom had told him last week that Thursday would be the last day we go to the store for two more weeks. He through a fit, yelling at me when I tried to interject. I don’t necessarily remember what was said after, as I just stopped listening when he told me to “Shut the fuck up (my name), no one was talking to you.” The problem was eventually resolved, but they were still heated and I was anxious.

He went and put his plate in the dishes, and go another plate and spoon, dirtying another two dishes for no reason other than there was too much sauce. We argued, my point being that he could have just scrapped the sauce off and kept the plate and spoon, but he instead made more work for me. He called me lazy and said to just wash the plate. I used the analogy “you would feel just as upset if I tracked mud in the house” and he concluded that they were very different and I was making something out of nothing. He’s done this many times before and eventually just apologised to get me to stop talking to him.

I said “So you’re going to clean up your mess?” and he responded that the dishes weren't his chore. We went back and forth for a while, me saying I was leaving it out for him to wash and him saying that he was going to bury it under the other plates so I wouldn’t know what one it was.

I went to our mother, as she had told me many times to just go to her and ask her to help solve problems. She told me “Life isn’t fair” and to stop bitching. I calmly explained my points again, and she told me to just shatter the plate on the floor to make a mess for him. “If I did that you would punish me, wouldn’t you?” She waved her hand in the air, yelling at me to just wash the fucking plate, and I repeated that she should try seeing it from where I am. She gave an obnoxiously irritated sigh, and told me to just go fucking get him. She thanked me for ruining her fucking night. 

Since I don’t do well with conflict at all, I stated crying, and Bro later on told me that I did will calmly explaining my points and agreed with me. Everything ended up resolved, but my good mood was ruined. In the end I decided to create this blog to let off some steam.

[gore-whore132]

Hello, and welcome!

I’m writing this as a first post to explain a bit about why I made this blog, and who I am! You can call me Gore, Goro, GW, etc. I am a 17 year old highschool student. I live in Florida with my mother and brother. I am cis female, bisexual, demiromantic, and have some interest in poly relationships. I’m currently in a relationship with a boy whom I shall call C/BF. I am an artist, mostly drawing furries and monsters, and adore the sick type of fiction. Things like Saw, Silence of the Lambs, etc. I often draw gore, so keep an eye out for that.

Onto why I made this blog, I’ve been stuck in this house with my brother and mother for far too long. I do not have a good relationship with them and private journaling isn’t working anymore. I feel a lot better if people see my problems, for some reason, as I won’t deny I like the attention. I also want feed back, to know if I truly am the bad person I think I may be. I want to better myself, and my way of thinking, so here this blog is!

I will try my best to keep as much context as possible and keep everything laid out neatly. I am an emotional person, so if I write things that are much more vulgar, violent, and over all erratic, that is why. I do my best to keep as neutral as possible, because I don’t want people to automatically take my side. I’m supposed to be growing here, not pity fishing. 

Because I don’t want any problems to occur, I will be changing people’s names to the first letter of their name, or changing the name entirely. I will refer to people by titles instead of their names instead as well, such as Mom, Doctor, Dad, etc. I originally was going to record dinner time conversations (these are usually the times we all argue the most) without my brother and mother knowing, as it would help people get some context I may have left out or thought wasn’t important, but after reviewing Florida State laws, I will not do that. It’s a shitty thing to do, but in the end, I do think it would be justified from my perspective.

For full and complete transparency I have been diagnosed with depression and take medication for it. I have a very bad relationship with my mother and brother, and a distant one with my father (as he moved away to Arizona). I am a very lazy and apathetic person, and I want people to call me out if I try to excuse that at any point. I am not a good person, but I’m trying to better myself. And I hope you all can help with that! <3