grains-of-salt

[grains-of-salt]

I'm just so good at writing guys it's amazing

[grains-of-salt]

I am afraid I will be stuck in this love, this love of this man who may only be an ideal for me.

 -

I just wanted to spend time at the laundromat with you, with the streetlights a hazy yellow outside and the plastic of the counter creaking under your weight. I wanted to be part of the monotony, the moments-in-between, where you would smile and get back to yourself. I just wanted to bask in your existence.

I am starting to realize, however, that God has other plans for me. And that’s okay. I will be okay. But I am afraid my heart will always be tugged by you, just by the simple fact that this version of you I love and the version of me you could have loved has existed in my life. I am afraid I will always be walking around with my ribs cracked open, me thinking my heart has been given and tucked haphazardly in the back of your khakis, or placed in the corner of the second shelf in your closet, where the light of the room of yours that I have never seen won’t shine on it. When in reality it’s been pulsing and bleeding within my own hands, hidden beneath my back as I fool myself into thinking I do not have all of myself within me, within my reach and capacity.

[grains-of-salt]

I write stumbling. Frustration is within me when my words do not reflect the emotion I am trying to convey. I am wholehearted and fearful of my lack of action; I have always noticed that my feet are slower than my mother’s. I am safe and sound and loved, but I am also always worried. What if all of these dreams, these dreams to help and to love people, to pick them up and in doing so, pick myself up, to make myself a better whole, simply stay dreams? What if I attempt to be a light in the sadness and I end up getting crushed in the sadness myself? What if, what if, what if... so many scenarios that I have not yet had the chance of encountering yet. Why do I worry now?

[grains-of-salt]

let pretty words die before they fall through my lips; 

they will kill me as they disappoint you.

[grains-of-salt]

I’ll write about the importance of documentation some other day.

[grains-of-salt]

If there is a death in the family, let it not be the death of creativity but rather the murder of stagnation that stains your hands

[grains-of-salt]

She told me to tell her that I'm hurting and that I need help. But it's hard. One of the things I need help with is getting those words out of my mouth.

a conversation to have with my mother

[grains-of-salt]

I’m always* terrified.

*when it comes to you

[grains-of-salt]

Please be soft magic to me

In anticipation for Chisala’s stories (via spunky--chick)

[grains-of-salt]

There are better people who have done less than me

[grains-of-salt]

Words are my saints. They touch me with reverence And teach me with kindness that I am more than enough for myself

[grains-of-salt]

I am not a coconut. I call my father papa with pride, Hug him tight in front of my friends. He is one who started my life, One of the first to keep my heart. I will not pretend to forget this just because you have

what my friends have forgotten

[grains-of-salt]

[and when you run take me with] 

carry me along the tidal waves

my ribs will hurt and yours will ache

but please don’t let your weak grip break.

you joke in jest and jest in fun

but one day you will have to run

i fear the time has come a’ near

for me to banish you my dear

[grains-of-salt]

What is wrong with these cashews?

[grains-of-salt]

you need not crush your own heart today.

-intentions count, right?

[grains-of-salt]

When a friend texts you hey in the middle of the night it's usually not because they just want to say hello

[grains-of-salt]

There are times when you get so excited that you can’t breathe.

it’s funny because people tell you to count the moments that take your breath away, but. these silly people don’t understand. if your entire life was filled with breathtaking moments, you wouldn’t even be alive.