gremlins-and-grumps

[gremlins-and-grumps]

RO:, i am craving something sweet

Sidestep: (stands up)

RO: I said something sweet, not a bag of salt.

Sidestep: (sits back down)

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Sidestep: Fuck me!

RO: I'm trying.

Sidestep: What?

RO: What?

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Herald: Has anyone seen my datemate, Sidestep?

Someone: What does they they look like?

Herald: (starts crying) BEAUTIFUL!

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Sidestep: (walks into the kitchen) Is something burning?

Ortega: (seductivly leaning over the counter) Just my love for you.

Sidestep: The toaster is on fire.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Sidestep: Wait, you like me? For my personality?!

Dr. Mortum: I know, I was surprised too.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Villain: Alright, that didn't work out. Time for Plan 2.

Henchman: Don't you mean Plan B?

Villain: No. That would insinuate i only have 26 plans.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Ortega: Someone guess what number i'm thinking of.

Steel: *sighs* Is it 420?

Ortega: No, that is really immature! Someone else guess, but please take this seriously.

Herald: Is is 69?

Ortega: Yeah, it is 69.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Steel: Stop standing there like you are waiting for applause. Just tell me what's going on.

Ortega: What? There's no applause? Fine!

[gremlins-and-grumps]

[Sidestep is drinking from a bottle with clear liquid]

Ortega: Can i have some of your water?

Sidestep: It's not water.

Ortega: Vodka? I like your style!

Sidestep: It's vinegar.

Ortega: What?

Sidestep: IT'S VINEGAR, PUSSY.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Ortega: Sidestep... is an oven.

Herald: Explain.

Ortega: Roasts me.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

[on a mission, Rosie is overencumbered]

Villain: Nobody told you to bring so much equipment.

Rosie: Nobody told you to bring that nasty attitude either, and i am stuck with both!

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Argent: *on the phone* Ortega shot themself in the foot.

Steel: *sighs* What did they do now?

Argent: They literally shot themself in the foot. We're in the ER right now.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Ortega: if I were an animal, I think I would be like… something majestic, yet playful. A tiger. An eagle. A beautiful whale breaching the ocean’s surface

Sidestep, not looking up from their phone: you’d be an electric eel

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Herald: Is everything alright?

Sidestep: *hair ruffled, clothes covered in dirt, missing a shoe and clutching a stapler* They are called 'personal' problems for a reason, Herald.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Villain: Punch me in the face.

Argent: punch you in the face?

Villain: Yes. Did you not hear me?

Argent: I always hear "Punch me in the face" when you speak, but it's usually subtext.

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Someone: What's it like, dating Sidestep?

RO: Once, i asked for a glass of water while they were pissed at me.

RO: They brought me a glass full of ice and said "Wait.".

[gremlins-and-grumps]

Ortega: Are you okay?

Sidestep: *trying out coffins* Why do you ask?