grey-and-lavender

[grey-and-lavender]

Good morning, good morning!

I am wrestling with a bunch of internal bullshit about potential and lost potential and reemerging potential and I will spare you the details (you are grateful for this, trust me).

I have a meeting with my supervisor today, which should be all of five or so minutes (I met my goal of having data, I have a goal for next week. I will share both with her). Then I am going to maybe go back to the city for a bit, maybe not. We'll see what my friend is up to.

Then I am going to try and wash my car today. It should take me most of the evening.

What are you folks up to today?

[grey-and-lavender]

Good morning good morning!

I am house sitting for my parents this week, which means AC (thankfully – I am sleeping much better than I have been), lots of plant care, and taking some meetings over zoom.

So far, I have less angst about starting work than I managed last week. I am also going to take this week to start to form a version of the routine I am trying to make. Taking this week as a transition when my routine is interrupted anyway will hopefully help me 1. meet my goals and 2. avoid turning into my 17 year old self, which is always a risk when I'm at my parents.

Today is mostly data wrangling, with some articles to read and a bit of a memo to make myself.

What are you folks up to today?

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they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

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Just Marie Kondoed my clothes and oh my god do I feel so much better. Still need to do shoes and accessories, but oh my goodness. I already cannot wait until I get the whole apartment done.

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If you evolve your Eevee in Quebec you get a Celinedeon.

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the birdcage (1996)

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25/06/20

I am much more productive in the library, but data cleaning really requires more than one screen.

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additionally i think a lot of us remain helplessly dependent on self flagellation and punishment believing it to be discipline/self control because we are not taught to believe that care and deliberate healing and patience and attention are disciplines themselves

[grey-and-lavender]

Good morning good morning!

I am settled into the library, determined to actually use the standing desk properly for once, with a to do list that should be manageable.

The past few days have been strange mentally. I think a part of it is simply being too warm, a part of it is that I've moved onto entirely self-directed work. In undergrad I referred to them as "Void Days" where I don't really get out of bed, and just languished. They happen most often in the summer.

So today the plan is to stay at the library more or less until it closes, steal the AC for as long as I can, and maybe try to do something fun for the end of the week (Bouldering?).

What are you folks up to today?

[grey-and-lavender]

Keeping this quote to my grave

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Rip Enjolras you would have fucking hated trump

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you are 16. you are talking with a gay man in his 50s or 60s, a friend, huge and gentle with a scarf and short fluffy curls of gray hair, who has directed you in two plays staged in your mid-size artsy town. (he has not yet asked you to be in his production of The Laramie Project which will change your life. this conversation will also change your life.)

he is talking about theatre. he is talking about theatre when he was younger. he says, "of course, it was AIDS then." in the pause, you ask him. clumsy and quiet and 16 and "straight," you ask him. what was it like.

he takes a moment in which his face is not like a person's face. "there was a time," he says, "i'm not sure how long, years. when i went to a funeral every weekend." he tells you about two funerals in a day, and choosing between friends when you couldn't make it to both. he does not look at you, he looks at them. his wet grey gaze is so clear that you start to see ghosts. it will be years before you understand why it feels like your grief too. why the ghosts call you family.

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So, I defended my dissertation proposal not quite a month ago. That was a three article dissertation. It has, in the past month, morphed into a five article dissertation.

[grey-and-lavender]

Good morning good morning!

I have spent an actual hour of my life sending emails. Now I get to do some planning for how I want the rest of the summer to look before I talk to my supervisor about what I've decided.

I'm then going to do a bunch of data cleaning and exploration this afternoon, as well as a whole host of errands. I am hoping and praying to squeeze in a run.

What are you folks up to today?

[grey-and-lavender]

Good (late) morning!

I had intended to get up early, and settle right into my idealized daily routine. Then yesterday ended up being much later than I wanted, I prioritized sleep so woke up late, and then spent this morning in a good, productive life planning session with the lover. Needless to say, this morning got away from me.

And today is guaranteed to be busy my goodness. I was in a pit of work for several months, and so emerging means there are people who want to see us. We're having company for both lunch and dinner today. @niphradel is being a champion and has tidied and vacuumed the house, and done the final bits of the groceries we weren't able to get to yesterday.

I have sorted out the absolute pile of paperwork I had let build up, and now I need to start planning out the rest of the summer.

What are you folks up to today?

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me every time i take a sip of my cappuccino: do they know it's called cappuccino because the color is similar to the sackcloth worn by capuchin friars (cappuccini). do they know capuchin friars got their name from the hood (cappuccio) they wear. do they know cappuccino is a double diminutive as it comes from capo ('robe') + uccio = cappuccio ('hood' but literally 'little robe') + ino = cappuccino ('tiny hood' but literally 'tiny little robe'). do they know

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Wow, I haven't gotten a sugar baby comment in years.