grey-musings

[grey-musings]

First post… I guess.

29/04/2025

I’m reading a fan fiction, something I haven’t done in quite some time. I’m not really sure why I started again, or why I ended up going back down the Levi Ackerman route.

You know, that anime crush you had in middle school? Tbh it’s part of the reason this blog is called grey musings (for those who are not aware - Levi’s eyes are grey). Tbh though, grey fit with the feel of this blog. I normally only need something like this when I have sad (or grey) thoughts.

Anyway, I’m reading this fan fiction on A03 (I know, traitor!). It’s actually really good, and I love the writer and how the characters are portrayed.

But this one, everyone has died basically (it’s a zombie one)and as I reached the second chapter I figured what may happen (it’s called As the spark dies - and well readers nickname is Spark)…

I’m close to finishing it. But I know it won’t be a happy ending. So I keep putting it off. But the quicker I read the quicker I’ll be back to forgetting this mood (well at least for awhile).

I get like this sometimes. Thinking what’s the point. I’m not going to do anything, if you come across this blog and I haven’t posted it means I’m happy! But like, there is no point in life, once the entire universe goes, no one will remember you.

Tbh I think I feel this way, because well, it’s been about 3 weeks since I lost my dog and a year and a half since my Grandad. I love them both dearly.

But I think my dog has hit me hard. She was 13.5, I’m 24, so I had her over half my life, grew up from child to teenager to adulthood with her. I don’t know how to be myself without her, and maybe it’s me trying to find myself again.

Maybe reading a death heavy fan fiction right after one of the hardest deaths in my life isn’t a good thing. Especially when I feel like I’ll be alone for the rest of my life (I’m a massive introvert, would love to meet someone but don’t know how).

Maybe I should have read a sappy book?

Idk how I am feeling really. Depressed and sad aren’t the right words. I know I’ll be ok, and probably right and rain tomorrow.

Life just feels like it’s moving way to fast and like I’m missing out on things, but then I feel like I should take things slow and not rush. I’m so used to social pressures, that maybe I’m letting that impact me.

I’m not sure. I just hope this helps my head fog list a little.