grotesqpallr

[grotesqpallr]

I spend a lot of time in anti-radqueer/anti-transid radinclus spaces since I am still closeted for my own safety. (I also mod/own a discord server where I have to pretend I'm antirq for various reasons.) I've realized a few things about these spaces, and I'll try to list them.

Trigger Warning under the cut for Various Subjects that include yet are NOT LIMITED TO:

Violent Ideation

Dehumanizing Talk towards/about Radqueers or Radqueer Adjacent people

Encouragement of Self Harm & Suicide

Ableism, specifically towards those with BIID. (If you suffer with that and use transids due to it, or even if you don't use transids and have BIID, just know you are loved and valid.)

Vague RAMCOA mention. I don't go into like, explicit detail about any programming or whatever, but RAMCOA systems/TransRAMCOA folk are mentioned.

Transphobic rhetoric packaged to be anti TransID/Anti Radqueer.

First off: A lot of them ARE Radqueer or Radqueer Adjacent... or maybe even just Neu-TransID, and they just don't know it yet.

Example: “ I don't mind stuff like TransBlueEyes, but TransAbuser is too far. ” ← I Think This Is Radqueer Adjacent. Unsure.

Example Two: “ I just don't... feel like [insert one of their IDs here] but more like [other ID]. ” My gender neutral term for relative in hearts... there's a term for that. There is a community full of people like that.

Second: They have this super weird fantasy of interacting with radqueers as if they ever would find one. As well as being physically violent towards the hypothetical radqueer.

Like, no. It's NOT normal or even okay to say that you would beat the shit out of someone for being Radqueer. Are you okay? You need to check yourself, what the fuck.

You shouldn't be proud of bullying people for any reason. Maybe I'm too woke, but harassment is bad and does nothing productive. At all. For Any Reason.

Yes, I do still have my icks and things I do not want to be around. But I wouldn't really harass someone over it. Especially on the internet. Nobody's forcing you to look at the radqueer/transid tags, please fuck off.

Third: They do stalk these tags. A lot.

“ Ugh, radshits are making fake cults to replicate RAMCOA! I feel so mocked, even if my RAMCOA wasn't from a cult. ” - a (paraphrased) message I saw on an anti-rq server. (It's actually more neutral, but a bunch of antis are there.)

First: What wereYOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament. Stop browsing the TransID tags and you wouldn't know, stupid.

Second: Nobody is studying you. I can promise you nobody who's TransRAMCOA knows or even cares about you. We are not as obsessed with Anti-RQ folk as they think. They just say stupid shit and expect us not to joke about it.

Fourth: They're... extremely ableist. Like.. really fucking ableist. They don't even notice it. They're just spouting ableist bullshit. Especially towards people with BIID. They also seem extremely eager to encourage suicide.

An ACTUAL person I had the misfortune of having to play nice with: “ Well, if they (talking about both people with BIID and Transabled folk, not knowing that I'm Trisabled) felt that way, why don't they just disable themselves? ”

Or, alternatively: “ Transdead? Just fucking kill yourself! No need to make a label for that. "

I don't. I don't even know what to say to this, because I just didn't respond to them either. That's just wrong on so many levels. What the fuck.

Fifth: They treat us like lesser beings. As if "Radqueer" is some lesser species.

“ Well, this radqueer— ” That's a person. (Unless they don't want to be considered one.)

That is someone.

Sixth, and finally: The way they talk about TransID users, especially TransAbled and TransRacial folk is... well, I can't say I HAVEN'T seen these phrases before.

“ Transracial people don't understand the struggles I go through as a CisRacial person. It's not all fun and games. "

“ Transabled people existing mock my disability! "

“ They're taking away resources from ACTUALLY disabled people. "

Anyways, sorry for this huge post. I wanted to ramble.

[grotesqpallr]

I forgot the term for someone who started identifying as something because someone kept calling them such a thing. This is specifically for my TransVampire ID.

“ Are you sure you're not a vampire? ” - 99% of my family, before I started feeling euphoria from being called a vampire or insinuated as one, because I have an awful sleep schedule and often sleep for most of the day, and stay up all night.

“ Uhm. . . No? ” - Me, unsure of why I feel giddy about being called a vampire.

I can't remember the specific prefix, and it's not SpiteID because I'm not identifying as a vampire to spite people.

[grotesqpallr]

I've decided to start blocking accounts that make posts with like 40 radq / transID tags on them, but the posts are just hard nsfw with no warning at all (on the post or in the tags)

I feel like I've seen so many members of the community ask this but PLEASE at least put tags like "nsft warning" or "cw nsft" or something because not everyone wants to see that sort of thing.

And please !! Trigger tag!! I had one post repeatedly show up in my "your tags" page and it was someone's noncon fantasy. The tags on it were a bunch of radq and para tags, and aprox. 3 tags mentioning cnc. No warnings. That can and will be very triggering for folks. Please trigger tag and tag nsfw I'm begging y'all 🙏

[grotesqpallr]

Oh. I think it's because I changed my username. (⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠˙̫̮⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠)

Apparently my term masterlist got nerfed. Wonderful. I'll have to remake that.

[grotesqpallr]

Apparently my term masterlist got nerfed. Wonderful. I'll have to remake that.

[grotesqpallr]

*Scared to give up an old name because people knew me as that name mainly.*

*Immediately gets called by the other name.*

... :D

[grotesqpallr]

I was transfelicityac, bleh.

I might change my username.

[grotesqpallr]

I might change my username.

[grotesqpallr]

[grotesqpallr]

A lot of things changed recently. I got into another relationship, my disability is more disabling (both a yay and a boo moment. affirming but also ouchie.) and I realized a lot more stuff about myself. I'm not who I left as and I don't know if people will care for me anymore now that I'm not the same.

I don't make many flags anymore, I'm too exhausted. I don't ID as TransWasianJapanese anymore, and I'm really transracial in general anymore either. I'm not really into Animal Crossing anymore, either.

I don't really care for contact discourse still, but I still have my boundaries and icks. I'm not going to harass anyone for being any kind of way, nor am I going to ask you to not interact because that's not fair. I... I guess that's kind of just being a radqueer. I don't care what you do, just stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine. If something/somebody bothers me too much, I'll block. It's the internet, that's just how it works.

But, nonetheless, I'll try to figure out something. I'm not in the state to do much with transitioning, but I'll still post. I'm in and out of this account, so I'm sorry if I'm not active.

Thank you all for being here. I really appreciate it.

[grotesqpallr]

It's seriously SO freeing. You mean I can identify as a vampiric heartless creature that's also a synth voicebank? hell yeah.

me when i realize i can identify as whatever i want and i can literally put whatever labels on top of whatever other labels i want. it's pride month for goodness sake!!!

[grotesqpallr]

This world sucks. I want to be the embodiment of chaos and darkness and have a bunch of wives.

[grotesqpallr]

My conditions are getting worse. It's both affirming and annoying because I'm not able to afford the medical care I need and my mom decided having a 120+ BPM resting heart rate constantly is very normal.

Consequences of my own actions, I suppose. I wanted to get worse to feel valid but I still do not feel valid enough. (Hurts to walk/do anything, Eyesight deteriorating, etc.)

Can't even use mobility aids like I need to.

[grotesqpallr]

I feel like people forget about xenoids a lot. I understand, kind of? They have a reputation for being anti-xenogender but they're still an interesting concept.

I don't know, I've been taking a break off the internet + Tumblr for months. What's new.

[grotesqpallr]

becoming a radqueer was so freeing its crazy. The amount of times before then I'd be like "I wish I was ____" and tried to thought police my own brain for it is so restricting I dont wish it on anyone

[grotesqpallr]

𓄧 Welcome To My Page !

Hi! You can call me Q or Kayo. I don't necessarily go by Kayo anymore but since it is the name most know me by, I will still use it!

If you knew me before I disappeared for personal reasons, you would probably know me for my absurd amount of Animal Crossing related TransIDs. I also had other ones I made, and they will be linked in the ❝ LINKS ❞ section of this post. I do plan on getting back to coining terms, but please give me a bit to get used to posting here again. I've gone through quite a bit recently and I'm not entirely stable. Thank you!

Anyways, onto some other things about me. I am chronologically 19 years old, and a part of a P-DID system with Paragenic/Willogenic aspects. I'm not necessarily the Kayo you knew, given I fused with the dearest host recently. (^^;)

I am CisIntersex (PCOS), TransAndroFem + a Gxrl/Wxman and I am on the AroAce and Autosexual spectrums. I am a lesbian, as well. :3

I'd be here all day listing everything I was, so please check out the ID Masterlist linked here!

Viewpoints:

ⓘ Proship and Pro-Fiction.

ⓘ Radqueer Adjacent, Pro TransID. Iffy about "harmful" transitioning but you do you if you feel the need to.

ⓘ Anti-C for Harmful Paras. I do not condone harassment or violence towards anyone with other contact stances. Harassment is bad, period.

ⓘ Pro-Endogenic Systems. (It'd be hypocritical if I was not.)

ⓘ I'm also 'I don't care, leave me alone.' for a lot of other things. I am too exhausted to care about Internet discourse. Live and let live, unless they're genuinely hurting real people.

+†+🪦+†++†+🪦+†++†+🪦+†++†+🪦+†++†+🪦+†+

LINKS

ꕀ ID MASTERLIST

ꕀ COINED TERMS

[grotesqpallr]

Now to find my label hoard and go through them.