growingupmormon

[growingupmormon]

Crafting groups at the library are my thing lately, but today my brain feels itchy thinking this one lady might be Mormon

[growingupmormon]

I’m now wondering if (T) is Mormon or knows a lot of Mormons socially because I’ve never met one is a weird thing to say

I can usually tell when people are, but sometimes in crafting groups I get vibes off people where I’m not entirely sure because there are surely mormon sleeper agents attending these things.

A friend (J) today was telling me that she was helping her friend plan his husband‘s 50th birthday party and oh by the way it’s all happening in Wyoming, but her friend is worried about planning activities because they don’t drink.

The first thing one of the ladies (T) asks is “are they Mormon?”

My friend (J) immediately looks over at each one of us awkwardly and says “yes,” hesitantly and then clarifies “actually their ex-Mormon.”

(T) “Really, I’ve never met one before”

My other friend (S) who knows I was raised Mormon, her eyes went wide and looked over at me, wondering what I was going to do.

I smiled, raised my hand and said “yes you have.”

[growingupmormon]

A friend (J) today was telling me that she was helping her friend plan his husband‘s 50th birthday party and oh by the way it’s all happening in Wyoming, but her friend is worried about planning activities because they don’t drink.

The first thing one of the ladies (T) asks is “are they Mormon?”

My friend (J) immediately looks over at each one of us awkwardly and says “yes,” hesitantly and then clarifies “actually their ex-Mormon.”

(T) “Really, I’ve never met one before”

My other friend (S) who knows I was raised Mormon, her eyes went wide and looked over at me, wondering what I was going to do.

I smiled, raised my hand and said “yes you have.”

[growingupmormon]

I grew up mormon which means I believed some weird shit about jesus visiting the americas as a kid and one time in church class we were talking about easter and how when jesus died the sky went dark for 3 hours, but the teacher THEN told us that in the americas the sky went dark for 3 DAYS and kid me was reasonably confused about this so I went home and asked my dad how it could go dark for 3 hours in one place and 3 days in another and he just shrugged and said 'time zones' and I believed that was a reasonable explanation until I was like 15

[growingupmormon]

something that never quite goes away for me as an ex-mormon, is that whenever the tragic events start piling on. the natural disasters, the wars, etc. I start to get this voice at the back of my head that says what if they were right.

what if this is it. the beginning of the second coming.

and it's so stupid. and it's so hard at the same time to make it go away. and I don't know why I'm telling you all this, besides maybe to ask for some help in making it go away. cause I'm really scared right now, and the fear that I'm going to be burned alive at the end of days really doesn't need to be added to that.

[growingupmormon]

> sees someone complaining about a mormon hate post spreading misinformation

> looks at post

> it’s literally just facts about the church

[growingupmormon]

”My Granddaughter is fine, she has the Bible and Christ’s love to guide her”

ma’am your grandson’s favorite song is Heresy by Nine inch Nails

[growingupmormon]

there's something deeply and uniquely hurtful about the cycle of abuse in cults I think. specifically in the type of cults that are generational like mine is.

a lot of cults burn really quick and fast, and die out in a few years, or a few decades, but the ones that last for generations screw up whole families and cultures of people in horrific ways.

trickle down abuse. multi level marketing abuse. my parents were not abusive. but they were, because they raised me in a cult. my parents were not abusive. but I was raised in a cult, which is in itself, inherently abusive. my parents chose to raise me said cult. but both of them were generational cult babies just like I was.

do I blame my parents? no... maybe.

It's way more complicated than anything I could ever answer. Can I blame them for how they hurt my siblings but not for how they hurt me? do I even blame them for how they hurt my siblings or am I just angry?

how can I rationalize the amount of trauma and baggage I carry, and will carry for the rest of my stupid fucking life, because of what they perpetuated?

and at the end of the day, I don't blame them. not really. but it's so much fucking easier if I do.

[growingupmormon]

The weirdness of grieving your entire culture is hard to describe. I talk about church stuff with nevermo friends sometimes, but I really don't think they can quite understand. The church is horrible but the people are my family and my hometown and my culture. To me the rot at the core of it is a tragedy more than it's anything else. It's something terrible that twists everything around it until it makes you sick to think about. It touched every part of me for so long, and in many way still does. I can't cut it out without killing a bit of myself.

[growingupmormon]

the religious trauma urge to confess everything and anything that comes to mind and makes you guilty so you can be forgiven by the masses

[growingupmormon]

it is a burden to be prayed for.

it is a burden to know that my victories are celebrated with him.

it is a burden to know that I do not exist to other people without god.

it is a burden to know my struggles are shared when all I want is to trust that my family loves me.

I hate this so fucking much.

[growingupmormon]

So while I was getting my degree in library science I chose the online Mormon and ex-mormon online community as my capstone project information community to study. I never anticipated having to explain to other librarians why I might have picked that community to study.



[growingupmormon]

"Learn about Jesus' teachings by going to the prophets."

I dunno, here's a crazy idea. How about reading about Jesus' teaching FROM JESUS HIMSEL? Then you at least get his words firsthand, rather than a mangled version of them.

Because we know the prophets lie about truth.

Nelson: God's love isn't unconditional.

If love isn't unconditional, then it's not love.

[growingupmormon]

i completely forgot it was general conference. As I wandered through the living room to the kitchen, passing my parents watching, i got jump-scared by a ghoul talk about how Abortion Is Evil and Bad.

[growingupmormon]

A talk on not giving up on those who leave and hoping/waiting for them to return.

What a joke.

First of all, the day I marry my fiancee, the church will be more than gleeful to kick us out because we're lesbians. The church isn't welcoming of those who leave. It isn't welcoming to those of us who stay.

Talks like this infantize those who leave. We haven't lost any light. PIMOs are proof that the church can't tell who has left the faith and who hasn't.

Until the church is actually open to all, like Jesus would be welcoming to all, then less people will return.

[growingupmormon]

Fuck Anderson and his talk on abortion.

Utter slop. Pure evil, that talk.

Ugh.

[growingupmormon]

Religion has no place in healthcare or reproductive rights. Old men should not be telling anyone what to do with their body. Amen.