guerrillamydreams - Tumblr blog

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Oh to be a bear, eating salmon, attacking campers, eating campers

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And they said blonde men can't pee a little while jerking it two-handed style

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I feel like we need to stop Twitter callouts and go back to publishing them in the newspaper like gentlemen.

(source: The Frederick Hornet, September 27, 1803.)

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*conversing within earshot of my courtiers* oh, will no one rid me of this troublesome Mr. Beast?

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Dunno how to put it properly into words but lately I find myself thinking more about that particular innocence of fairy tales, for lack of better word. Where a traveller in the middle of a field comes across an old woman with a scythe who is very clearly Death, but he treats her as any other auntie from the village. Or meeting a strange green-skinned man by the lake and sharing your loaf of bread with him when he asks because even though he's clearly not human, your mother's last words before you left home were to be kind to everyone. Where the old man in the forest rewards you for your help with nothing but a dove feather, and when you accept even such a seemingly useless reward with gratitude, on your way home you learn that it's turned to solid gold. Where supernatural beings never harm a person directly and every action against humans is a test of character, and every supernatural punishment is the result of a person bringing on their own demise through their own actions they could have avoided had they changed their ways. Where the hero wins for no other reason than that they were a good person. I don't have the braincells to describe this better right now but I wish modern fairy tales did this more instead of trying to be fantasy action movies.

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Bridesmaids at a wedding in Cairo, Egypt, 1987.

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John Waters toking on a John Waters bong.

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this text from my father is funnier than anything I’ve ever said

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HE'S BACK, BABY

EA-NASIR IS HERE FOR US, RIPPING OFF CAPITALISTS

AS PER MY LAST TABLET