gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

sry i made like a million of these the other day i see them everywhere

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

sry i made like a million of these the other day i see them everywhere

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Lately, It feels like I'm constantly walking around with the weight of sadness in my eyes, like the tears are forever attached to my eyes making them sag

Or like something has permanently been shattered within these eyes

Something eerily close to innocence or light

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

i want to read more laurent character studies damen character studies or lamen kink negotiation scenes does anyone know good ones....

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Hottest moments of Lamen:

When Laurent said:

"You face me in *my own* Kingdom, you inhabit *my* land and you *breathe* at *my pleasure* "

When Damen said,

"You *will* bear it, like I have borne it. Or do you think yourself above your King?"

Like yes Sir 🫡 whatever you say Sir 🫡 I'm a humble servant 🫡 use me however you like 🫡

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Can we talk about the opening of captive prince? Like

Like gurlllll everyone and their mother knows Laurent is a frigid as hell

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Forgot to add it in the original post but size of the Boar, Deer and Hare directly corresponds to the amount of power Laurent, Aimeric and Nicaise had/have.

All abused ofcourse but Laurent, a prince, has more power than Aimeric. And Aimeric, a nobility, has more power than Nicaise, a bought whore (in Laurent's words).

It also corresponds to who cared/gave a shit if they died/did die.

If Laurent died, from Prince's guards to the whole nation would grieve/be effected.

For Aimeric he had his mother to care enough to stand against the Regent.

While nobody cared about Nicaise. Even Laurent's care was just a coincidence.

Captive Prince trilogy (long) analysis and obviously Spoilers

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I vaguely remembered some imagery described in tapestries in the book. This re-read I tried to pay attention to it.

I found two:

1st in the 1st book at the end when Laurent is defending Damen after he ran. Damen is pushed into the audience chamber.

2nd in the 2nd book when Damen walks into the bedchamber in Chastillon where, back in the day, Regent and Laurent used to come after Marlas.

These are the only times any tapestry imagery of this kind has been mentioned. (Unless i missed something).

So, let's get to the basics

Boar is Laurent

Heavy pomegranate tree is the Regent/Regency

Both tapestries are meant to visualize, as Jord put it, "This is a killing game".

Now we will into go more symbolism because I really want to.

Why Pomegranates? Pomegranates apparently symbolize many different thing, even contrasting at times. They represent fertility, power, sexuality and death. I will divide it into three parts.

1. Fertility, Power, Eternal life and Beauty;

All the things Regency is/hopes to be/believes it to be. This is our enemy, what we and our protagonist are fighting against. But Its more than that.

I think this symbolism is specifically *Laurent's* perspective of Regency. Because by the end of third book we know that even though he fought tooth and nail, victory wasn't something Laurent thought possible.

And realistically, it wasn't, Laurent was too well groomed. That is, untill Damen came along.

2. Permanent marriage/sexual bond;

In Greek Mythology. Persophone eats 6 pomegranate seeds offered from Hades binding her for six months of a year into the underworld.

Laurent is forced to consume the Regent binding him permanently to his uncle. Laurent considers himself just as much "tainted"(his words not mine) as the Regent.

3. Lastly, Death;

Pomegranates with it's blood red color also represents, at times, death.

It forshadows Regency standing upon the murder of Aleron.

Pomegranate represent fertility and death. Regency cannot be all powerful on it own, it came to be that way because of the blood on the hand of the Regent.

Blood of Aleron, Langren and later Nacaise. And many more that we won't know about.

Now the Boar. Why is Laurent the Boar.

A Boar symbolizes courage, strength and ferocity. It is considered a worthy opponent for a hunter. But I couldn't find more than that.

I didn't need to, because the reason is written in the book itself.

In book 1, Veretian court goes Boar hunting with the Patran delegation. Look at this:

A boar is not a deer or even a hare.

What does it mean to be deer or a hare? I'm glad you asked.

A deer represents aristocracy,nobility, gentleness and determination. Ring any bells? Yeah, that's Aimeric defined to the tea.

(you know what's coming next then)

A hare represents fertility, lust, sexual desire, cunning and trickery.

They also appear in art consistently in hunting imageries.

That's Nicaise. He represents fertility and lust through his public association with the Regent/Regency at the court unlike Aimeric.

Laurent is neither Aimeric nor Nicaise. They have many parallels (which is a conversation for a different post) but those parallels always only exist in relation to the Regency. The way they responded to their abuse is a clear distinction between the three of them.

Laurent is neither Aimeric not Nicaise. He is a Boar.

A Boar is intelligent than both deer and hare.

A Boar is fearsome, furious and aggressive.

A Boar can decide to turn around and fight.

...

What is interesting also, is the difference in the two descriptions.

In the first one, we know the Boar is pierced but we don't know where, only that it's been hit. Laurent has agreed to the border duty. He knows he's fallen into the trap, he knows it's a death sentence. But he doesn't know how, yet.

What we do know is, the Boar is pierced under the Pomegranate tree. We know who is responsible and who wants to set this trap.

The Regency. With the pomegranate we are hinted the what history-of blood and murder- the Regency might have. The history that we don't find out till the end of the third book.

Damen is also represented with red just like the Regency. And there's a blend there.

For Laurent, the Regency and Damianos stand there in that fine line of *their* prosperity and *his* death. They both celebrate their successes with their hands painted with the blood of Laurent's family, delivering him the spear that pinned him down.

Furthermore, it's public. In Arles, in the audience chamber. Unlike, the second image in the second book.

In Chastillon, In the bedchamber.

the Boar is speared through right in the neck. The heart of what lies in this convoluted mess that Laurent has become the spectacle off, somehow the heart of which is still private.

The bed is in the center engulfed by the room covered in "Blood Red".

"No sign of blue or starburst"

"since the age of 13 there had been no rescuer, for his brother was dead"

What is interesting is that there is no imagery like this after.

And then I realized it's because from that moment forward Damen is there with Laurent. Laurent is no longer stuck inside the court pinned under his uncles ministrations.

And he is with a friend and healing. Laurent behaves better and better the farther he gets from his Uncle.

It is no longer a hunt but a fight.

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Captive Prince trilogy (long) analysis and obviously Spoilers

.

.

I vaguely remembered some imagery described in tapestries in the book. This re-read I tried to pay attention to it.

I found two:

1st in the 1st book at the end when Laurent is defending Damen after he ran. Damen is pushed into the audience chamber.

2nd in the 2nd book when Damen walks into the bedchamber in Chastillon where, back in the day, Regent and Laurent used to come after Marlas.

These are the only times any tapestry imagery of this kind has been mentioned. (Unless i missed something).

So, let's get to the basics

Boar is Laurent

Heavy pomegranate tree is the Regent/Regency

Both tapestries are meant to visualize, as Jord put it, "This is a killing game".

Now we will into go more symbolism because I really want to.

Why Pomegranates? Pomegranates apparently symbolize many different thing, even contrasting at times. They represent fertility, power, sexuality and death. I will divide it into three parts.

1. Fertility, Power, Eternal life and Beauty;

All the things Regency is/hopes to be/believes it to be. This is our enemy, what we and our protagonist are fighting against. But Its more than that.

I think this symbolism is specifically *Laurent's* perspective of Regency. Because by the end of third book we know that even though he fought tooth and nail, victory wasn't something Laurent thought possible.

And realistically, it wasn't, Laurent was too well groomed. That is, untill Damen came along.

2. Permanent marriage/sexual bond;

In Greek Mythology. Persophone eats 6 pomegranate seeds offered from Hades binding her for six months of a year into the underworld.

Laurent is forced to consume the Regent binding him permanently to his uncle. Laurent considers himself just as much "tainted"(his words not mine) as the Regent.

3. Lastly, Death;

Pomegranates with it's blood red color also represents, at times, death.

It forshadows Regency standing upon the murder of Aleron.

Pomegranate represent fertility and death. Regency cannot be all powerful on it own, it came to be that way because of the blood on the hand of the Regent.

Blood of Aleron, Langren and later Nacaise. And many more that we won't know about.

Now the Boar. Why is Laurent the Boar.

A Boar symbolizes courage, strength and ferocity. It is considered a worthy opponent for a hunter. But I couldn't find more than that.

I didn't need to, because the reason is written in the book itself.

In book 1, Veretian court goes Boar hunting with the Patran delegation. Look at this:

A boar is not a deer or even a hare.

What does it mean to be deer or a hare? I'm glad you asked.

A deer represents aristocracy,nobility, gentleness and determination. Ring any bells? Yeah, that's Aimeric defined to the tea.

(you know what's coming next then)

A hare represents fertility, lust, sexual desire, cunning and trickery.

They also appear in art consistently in hunting imageries.

That's Nicaise. He represents fertility and lust through his public association with the Regent/Regency at the court unlike Aimeric.

Laurent is neither Aimeric nor Nicaise. They have many parallels (which is a conversation for a different post) but those parallels always only exist in relation to the Regency. The way they responded to their abuse is a clear distinction between the three of them.

Laurent is neither Aimeric not Nicaise. He is a Boar.

A Boar is intelligent than both deer and hare.

A Boar is fearsome, furious and aggressive.

A Boar can decide to turn around and fight.

...

What is interesting also, is the difference in the two descriptions.

In the first one, we know the Boar is pierced but we don't know where, only that it's been hit. Laurent has agreed to the border duty. He knows he's fallen into the trap, he knows it's a death sentence. But he doesn't know how, yet.

What we do know is, the Boar is pierced under the Pomegranate tree. We know who is responsible and who wants to set this trap.

The Regency. With the pomegranate we are hinted the what history-of blood and murder- the Regency might have. The history that we don't find out till the end of the third book.

Damen is also represented with red just like the Regency. And there's a blend there.

For Laurent, the Regency and Damianos stand there in that fine line of *their* prosperity and *his* death. They both celebrate their successes with their hands painted with the blood of Laurent's family, delivering him the spear that pinned him down.

Furthermore, it's public. In Arles, in the audience chamber. Unlike, the second image in the second book.

In Chastillon, In the bedchamber.

the Boar is speared through right in the neck. The heart of what lies in this convoluted mess that Laurent has become the spectacle off, somehow the heart of which is still private.

The bed is in the center engulfed by the room covered in "Blood Red".

"No sign of blue or starburst"

"since the age of 13 there had been no rescuer, for his brother was dead"

What is interesting is that there is no imagery like this after.

And then I realized it's because from that moment forward Damen is there with Laurent. Laurent is no longer stuck inside the court pinned under his uncles ministrations.

And he is with a friend and healing. Laurent behaves better and better the farther he gets from his Uncle.

It is no longer a hunt but a fight.

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

It makes me extremely happy that both Damen and Laurent are a little bit afraid of each other

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Fanfic is a free hobby.

It's one of the last few things we can have as a society that's free. You can engage, for free. People give you things (art, stories, etc), for free.

Don't buy into the consummerism just because it's everywhere else.

You don't have to consume everything you interact with. You don't have to use things, just because they exist.

You're allowed (still, for now), to have things that are enjoyable for free.

Do you realise how insane the world is? We don't have many places where we can just be, for free anymore, but ao3 is. Did you notice we don't have ads in ao3? We don't have pop ups? Where ELSE do we not have that?

Where else can you just go and not have to wait for a commercial to be over or for ads to be on the sidelines?

I don't think the younger people understand, but the whole of internet used to be like this. YouTubers would do Youtube for free, just because. You couldn't monetise your internet presence before.

Ao3 is like a little preserved corner of the internet where the old internet used to be, and it's being attacked by people who do not understand that free things are allowed to exist without judgment.

Please don't ruin this for us.

Some of us need it.

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

why damen and laurent are such compelling characters and will always have my heart

damen and laurent are a mix of contrasts, from their childhoods to their physicality and their personalities, which make them such compelling as individual characters and as lovers:

damen who is open, trusting, and physically powerful

laurent who is calculating, skittish, and lithe

damen who trusted his family above everything, even to his own detriment

laurent who learned at a young age never to trust anyone

damen whose heart knew no limits

laurent who believed he wasn't deserving of love

damen who always felt safe as a child

laurent who was isolated and alone

laurent, whose righteous brother was killed too soon

damen, whose traitorous brother deserved to die

damen who is secure, confident, and amorous

laurent who is unsure, shy, but oh so sweet

damen whose greatest weapon is his body

laurent whose greatest weapon is his mind

damen who feels everything

laurent who is afraid to feel

damen, prince of akelios

laurent, prince of vere

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

why damen and laurent are such compelling characters and will always have my heart

damen and laurent are a mix of contrasts, from their childhoods to their physicality and their personalities, which make them such compelling as individual characters and as lovers:

damen who is open, trusting, and physically powerful

laurent who is calculating, skittish, and lithe

damen who trusted his family above everything, even to his own detriment

laurent who learned at a young age never to trust anyone

damen whose heart knew no limits

laurent who believed he wasn't deserving of love

damen who always felt safe as a child

laurent who was isolated and alone

laurent, whose righteous brother was killed too soon

damen, whose traitorous brother deserved to die

damen who is secure, confident, and amorous

laurent who is unsure, shy, but oh so sweet

damen whose greatest weapon is his body

laurent whose greatest weapon is his mind

damen who feels everything

laurent who is afraid to feel

damen, prince of akelios

laurent, prince of vere

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Jokaste my loveeeeee <3<3<3

"You're just his type".

Jokaste and Laurent prison scene 🐍🐍

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

In any other scenario, Laurent would've needed to run away. Escape his abuser and live a free life. Except to eacape was to leave his people at the mercy of an awful man. At 13/14/15 Laurent decided that best case scenario for him is to play the abusers game. To lean in closer, even if it means violation of his body and his mind. Even if it means the people he is trying to protect will turn against him. Even if he's a child and needed someone to hide him in the their embrace.

ok so i think that my favourite fantasy subgenre is The Inherent Tragedy Of Being Born Into Royalty. which mostly means that i like to read about gay princes but with some nuance

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Jokaste Appreciation post

"The child was never yours, but he is safe. In another life, he would have been a king

I remember the way you looked at me, the day we met. Perhaps that, too, in another life."

Jokaste falling in love with Damen's straightofrward and simple ways.

His attention heavy on her and her enjoying the thrill of it.

Courting with innocence and simplicity , so different from the games played in courts and politics.

And then the same straightforward way of her lover forced her to save him with self-violation.

How much self control do you need to force yourself to sleep with your lover's brother who plans to kill him?

Jokaste seeing Theomedes die at Kastor's hand, seeing Damen get depressed and then taking it all in and controlling every emotion, slowly, deliberately going into Kastor's bed.

Because even if everything is falling apart, she must suffer this if there's any hope for Damen to survive.

I wonder if she felt horrified when Kastor's child started growing within her. A reminder of what she had done, what she had to do.

She speaks accentless Veretian and she knew about court gossip about Laurent's frigidness.

I wonder if she studied Laurent with the same obsession with which Laurent studied Damen. Finding everything about Laurent so she can be sure Damen will live.

How much on chance she left that Laurent would not kill him?

When did she realize that Laurent is too much like her and predicted, accurately --hopefully?-- that they'll fall in love.

and After all that, when her plans worked, what she has left with is

"they way you looked at me"

and a child whose a reminder of everything.

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

It's hilarious that at the beginning of the series they're literally

Laurent: YOU RUINED MY LIFE

Damen: I don't even know who you are

[gurl-i-just-want-none-to-find-me]

Kings Rising spoilers:

Hold tight cuz this is gonna be a long ass analysis.

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.

Re-reading and at chapter 15 when they spend last night at the inn before kings meet.

I noticed this sentence:

It's just a description on the surface but it's a little too specific.

Young cut wood is a description that can fit Laurent as a newly shaped man and a leader.

And if Laurent is the wood, the flames-- too loud-- consuming him are obviously the Regent.

By what happens after, we know that Laurent thought this was his last free night, that he was going to die.

When he orders Damen to his room that night then, he is very very aware of his end, of the fire that is going to consume it.

It is not cynical but a fact for him.

I thought maybe this is a stretch so I decided to look at everytime fire is mentioned during their lovemaking.

There's two types of light consistently mentioned.

- Flame from candles and Fire from the hearth

The candlelight is almost always used to describe Laurent and his beauty.

E.g. "Laurent was haloed in the candlelight, all cream and gold"

" The candlelight turned Laurent's hair to gold, flamed in the dip of his lashes, the line of his throat" etcetc. You get the picture.

The candlelight is how Damen views this night, this moment. He is all focused on Laurent. He has forgotten the outside world.

In the candlelight we see Laurent as Damen sees him.

There are also specifically three candles.

Initially I thought the third candle was Auguste but no. The third candle is their future, how Damen projects their future, because Damen was never unsure of their victory.

The flames however are different and this is gonna be a more detailed analysis than candlelight.

1.

Obviously Laurents dismantles the bed because of his previous memories, and he wants to rewrite his experiences.

However, by now we know everytime Laurent has violently tried to get out of his uncles plans he would still play into his uncles hands (until Damen came along). Just like he would the next morning. The foreshadowing is a little insane.

2.

The flames are too loud. Laurent is extremely aware of his end,of his demise, of his death. He is doing all this not as an escape but to collect as much of Damen in his memory as possible.

His awarness of his end is the , "too loud fire*. And here we also have a direct contrast from Damen's perspective where "candlelight is reflecting the windows". Damen is under the illusion of privacy and by extension, the safety it offers.

While Laurent is acting as a man who has a complete and utter lack of safety.

3.

This is one of the billion times we see Laurent's past of being groomed.

At the same time, if the Fire is Regent, Laurent would NEVER give Damen or anyone related to Damen to the Regent. In fact, tomorrow, Laurent is planning to give himself up for Damen's child; his seed(hated using that word, ew). Even if it is Kastor's child, he is STILL related to Damen.

4.

As they get more and more intimate, Damen starts feeling the "heat of the fire". Damen has always been intuned with Laurent's moods. He can never figure out why (or never assumes) till Laurent himself tells him, but he is always aware to some level.

So it makes sense that he is aware of this too in Laurent.

Interestingly enough, Damen feels the heat when they finish and Laurent gets up.

Almost like it was Laurent who made Damen SEE the cruelty of the Regent; of how dangerous he is. And how much Regent has damaged Damen and still holds so much power to do more damage.

And if all of this wasn't enough and Pacat HAD to stab me. When Laurent comes back and lies down it says,

"Laurent was closer to the fire" as he always has been. Regent hurting Akeilos across border of course but Laurent has always been in the same castle as him. Always near to hurt and prick and cut.

And like a bird domesticated too well and wouldn't survive in the wild, leaving that castle meant death for Laurent.

So yeah, Laurent has always been too close to the fire.

And then twisiting the knife slowly,

"he could hear the fire again" becuase Damen is making future plans while Laurent is preparing his head for the guillotine. Because Damen has been shouting MARRY ME on top of his lungs and Laurent cannot tell him that he can't because he doesn't believe he will live that long.