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gusu23 · 5 years

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Fanfic: The Gusu Lan Rift Healing Show

Part 2

Link to part 1

Summary: What if Jiang Cheng and co, appeared in a reality TV like show where they had to talk through their feelings, but it wasn’t set in a Modern AU, but instead set in the actual story timeline? What if Jingyi and Sizhui hosted the show? And thus a Crackfic was born.

Sizhui: Thank you to all our guests.

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, Jin Ling sat nonchalantly at on his chair, his sword across his lap, his fingers running over the jeweled scabbard.

Hanguang Jun sat very still, putting on his resting buddha face.

JY: Now that our guests are all here, let us make a start. We want to get everything to clear the air. So Sect Leader Jiang, tell us, why do you feel such a deep hatred towards the Yiling Patriarch.

SZ: Jingyi!

JY: Well we still have to ask!

SZ: Please ease into it more gently.

JC: Hng! You all know very well.

Jiang Cheng crossed his arms.

SZ: Dear sect leader Jiang, the Rift Healing show works best when the guest talks through the issues

JL: What’s there to talk about? The #@””%Q bastard killed my mother and my father

JC: Jinling, language!

JL: That’s what you told me!

The audience started murmuring again. The young cultivator had also heard the story, what a poor orphan, both parents killed before he was even one years old. He shook his head in sympathy.

SZ: Dear sect leader Jiang, it might be best if you start from the beginning, you and the Yiling Patriarch grew up together right?

JC: ….

JY: Sect Leader Jiang.. The sect leaders tells us that you ha-

JC: Fine. just ugh. My mouth feels foul just mentioning it, but yes we did. Goddammit, I’m gonna need some wine for this.

Jiang Cheng snapped his fingers. The same servant appears, and brought to his side a large jar of Emperor’s Smile. He stabbed through the paper covering over jar lid, and was about to pour it into the small cup before thinking better of it and just chugging it down. He drank, he gulped, he slammed the jar back down on the table.

JC: Yes we grew up together, the bastard was picked up by my father and brought into our family at a young age.

The audience collectively leaned forward. Everyone knew the story, but to hear it from the horse’s mouth was another thing entirely!

TWO HOURS LATER

JC: I grabbed him by the shoulder’s the blood of my sister still wet on my hands, why.. I asked him why, we were meant to be the two Pride of Yunmeng together.

Jiang Cheng broke out into loud ugly sobs, he pulled the jar to his lips and poured, but jar was already empty.

JC: Why? Why did you-

Jiang Cheng broke off- cried and hiccuped. Jinling on his side was also sobbing loudly, trails of snot on his reddened face

The young cultivator dabbed at his eyes, what a cruel world, what a cruel tale for the decades, nay centuries to come. To lose your friend to such darkness. All around him, he heard sighs of lament and muffled sobbing, the crowd caught up in the mood. It was like they had all been there, standing in the Nightless City Plaza, surrounded by fierce corpses, watching the life of their beloved sister slip away.

JC: Why did my sister have to die, why did he have to die…

SZ: And all these years, you have been chasing after his shadow.

Jiang Cheng said nothing, but his left hand unconsciously went to touch the ring on his right index finger, his family heirloom and magical tool, the zidian.

JY: You have never been able to forget him.

JC: Forget him, I wish I could. Hah. Everything happened because of him and. And!

Jiang Cheng whipped his head to right and glared at the person who had been sitting silently all the time on the chair furthest away, Hanguang Jun.

He slapped the table and stood up.

JC: You! Wei Ying became that way because of you!

Hanguang Jun only glanced at him coldly and said nothing.

Jingyi was immediately affronted even though he was meant to be neutral as the host.

JY: Wasn’t it just that you felt like your best friend was being taken away by someone bette- OW goddamn Sizhui, I’m going to lose a rib one day!

SZ: Be quiet you!

SZ: Sect Leader Jiang, but ultimately is your regret, not the regret that Master Wei was unable to walk the broad path and had to take the fraught narrow path of demonic cultivation to protect the innocent Wen villagers?

Jiang Cheng sat down again, his eyes glazed as he returned to the past.

JC: His swordsmanship was the best.. If.. if he hadn’t turned to demonic ways.. The person being proclaimed number one, wouldn’t be from the GUSU LAN SECT.

Murmurs of discontent rose up from the audience, they were in Gusu territory after all, saying something like that was an insult to the town. Jiang Cheng really knew how to piss people off with his words.

Jiang Cheng heard the noise and turned to face the audience, suddenly remembering they were there.

JC: Hng! I have said nothing wrong. Why don’t you ask him if I spoke the truth or not?

He pointed a finger at Hanguang Jun. His other hand clutched the empty wine jar to his chest.

The crowd quietened again, as if they had collectively inhaled a breath, they all turned to look at the devastatingly handsome visage of Hanguang Jun. Such a good looking man.

Hanguang Jun, looked back at Jiang Cheng, swept up the cup on the table on his side, drank it as swiftly and put it back.

“Those were not false words.”

Everyone gasped. Hanguang Jun. The Hanguang Jun, was saying that there was someone better than him. Just who was the Wei Ying, this Yiling Patriarch from the past. Just how good was he?

Suddenly a gong sounded three times, and someone ran onto the stage to whisper urgently into the ears of Sizhui and Jingyi.

Just what was going on?

The young disciple who had come up to the stage ran down again, and went down to the troupe of musicians, who had been providing the moving BGM to Jiang Cheng’s dramatic story.

They immediately struck up a low tune, full of mystery and anticipation.

Sizhui stepped forward to face the audience.

SZ: We didn’t announce it earlier, because we could not confirm if it was true or not.. But since listening to Sect Leader Jiang’s story, I think we no longer need to doubt it any more. Today, we actually have a fourth guest.

JY: Yes this fourth guest is going to blow your mind. Honestly it blew ours.

SZ: And we hope this will finally give everyone an opportunity to resolve the rifts that have formed over the past 16 years.

Sizhui looked at Jiang Cheng who eyed him suspiciously.

JY: You all may have noticed the partition on the stage, our fourth guest will arrive on the other side and the audience will get to see him first

The music suddenly got louder, almost like a fanfare, the red curtain was swept back by an elegant hand, another handsome man, dressed in a very fitting red and black outfit wearing his hair in a ponytail appeared. He walked up a little, sheepishly facing the audience, and then flashed a very dazzling smile.

“Wow”

“My heavens, how handsome”

“His smile is so gorgeous”

“I think I’m going to faint”

The guests on the other side of the lacquered partition could not see the new guest, but they heard everything that the crowd was saying.

SZ: we will now pull apart the partiti-

Before he could finish, Jiang Cheng had used his spiritual energy to blast apart the lacquered panels and suddenly he was only meters away from the man who on the other side, who turned, and waved shyly at him.

Jiang Cheng’s face turned as purple as his outfit.

JC: Wei Ying! You mother*”£$&*£%&, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.

The jar was dashed against the floor and a flash of purple lightning leapt across the distance between them and wrapped itself around the man’s neck.

Wei Ying? This was Wei Ying? The demonic Yiling Patriarch really?!

Wei Ying, pulled at the fizzling rope, trying to give himself enough room to breath.

WY: Wait wait, listen [cough] hold up will you, how [cough] can your temper still be so shitty.

SZ: Sect Leader Jiang! You promised you’d stay calm no matter what!

Sizhui rushed up to try and used his sword to slash at the purple lightning but it rebounded

JC: Fuck that! Wei Ying. I’m so glad you are not dead, so I can kill you again!

JY: Oh sh-.. This isn’t really going to plan.

SZ: Sect leader Jiang! Please let go! Jingyi help me here.

Jingyi immediately went to grab at Jiang Cheng’s arm to try and pull him back.

JY: Please forgive my discourtesy, but you are ruining the show.

JL: Let go of my uncle!

Jinling proceeded to pull at Jingyi who was pulling it Jiang Cheng who was pulling at Wei Ying. Who was throwing talismans out left right and centre, little paper men crowding the hem of Jiang Cheng’s outfit tugging at him.

The young cultivator was reminded of a childhood tale involving a big turnip. Except today, the big turnip was the legendary Yiling Patriarch.

The crowd was roaring and cheering, it was turning into a fight match and everyone was getting great value for money!

SZ: Hanguang Jun, please help!

JY: Hanguang, is he, I think he’s asleep?!

The young cultivator turned to look, indeed Hanguang Jun’s head was nodding forward. How could he sleep at a time like this?

WY: Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan come help me dammit!

It was like a switch had been turned on! Hanguang Jun’s eyes snapped open and he stood up immediately, he turned to the left and looked on expressionless at everything going on, Jingyi and Jinling were clashing swords, Sizhui was struggling against Jiang Cheng.

LZ: Wei Ying!

He called out fiercely, and then, he suddenly slammed his hand down against the wooden stage. There was an almighty loud crack, everyone on stage, the chairs the table and all, disappeared downwards.

The crowd rose to their feet, the musicians stopped playing.

“Did he, he just break the whole stage with his bare hand?”

“Whoah!”

Dust and rubble flew up, the bottom of the stage was covered, no one could see what was going on, there were some shouting and screaming going on behind the scene, and next thing you knew someone was flying up. It was Hanguang jun, on his sword Bichen, and carried in his arms was Wei Ying!

Jiang Cheng was climbing up out of the rubble, his face ashened with dust.

JC: Wei Ying, you come back here!

Wei Ying looked down at him but gripped on tighter around Hanguang Jun’s shoulder

WY: I’m sorry my good brother, I think we might have to do our reunion at another time.

LZ: No talking while flying.

Hanguang Jun had spoken sternly, even though he was talking and flying. Next thing, they picked up speed and were flying away and soon were out of sight from the awestruck crowd.

***

And that was the legendary Rift Healing show of all time, and also the last one to ever run, what with the massive structural damage to the theatre and the big furore the return of Wei Ying caused to the cultivation world, it was decided that perhaps the rift healing in front of a live audience might not be a good idea after all.

For the nameless young cultivator, the rest of the stories about Wei Ying and Hanguang Jun and Jiang Cheng, could only be heard through the rumours and the bearded storytellers plying their trade at the inns.

*The End*

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #the untamed #lan zhan #wei wuxian #cql #lan wangji #jiang cheng #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #fanfic #wangxian

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gusu23 · 5 years

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Fanfic: The Gusu Lan Rift Healing Show!

Part 1

Summary: What if Jiang Cheng had to appear in a reality TV like show where he had to talk through his feelings? What if Jingyi and Sizhui hosted the show? And thus a Crackfic was born.

Music started up, the two flautists played a jaunty ditty accompanied by cheerful clashes of cymbals, and the strumming of a single guqin. The colourful troupe of musicians sat just in front of the elevated stage. The crowd is bubbling with excitement. Blue silk brocaded curtains hung across the large stage, obscuring it from the audience.

“Wow, it is packed in here!” Exclaimed a young cultivator from a sect too small to be well-known, he happened to be seated right near front. This was his first time at an open air theatre for a show like this.

“Of course,” said the older man next to him, working his way quickly through a paper bag of sunflower seeds, methodologically cracking, sucking, chewing, spitting. “The show today, is not to be missed!”

“Not to be missed?”

The man next to him was shocked, “Don’t you know?! Today’s guests come from the four biggest cultivation sects. I hear one of the clan leaders will be here as well.”

The young cultivator’s eyes brightened up, he’d never gotten close up to the big clan leaders before. He was still new to Caiyi town, and when he’d asked what were the most interesting things to do in town, the innkeeper had suggested his try his luck in the lottery to get a ticket to the hottest show in town, the Rift Healing Show. He thought it was worth a try and as luck would have it, he won a ticket. To hear that he was going to get to see a clan leader from the big four, the gods were smiling on him indeed.

“Who is it?” he asked excitedly, would it be the leader of Jin Clan, or from the Nie Sect? Of course it might be Gusu Lan Sect leader, but he couldn’t quite imagine him coming to this show, based on his reputation.

Suddenly a loud gong sounded and the audience quietened down. Two young men wearing plain white clothing came up and slowly drew the heavy curtains apart to reveal the stage.

The stage was split in two by large black lacquered partition decorated with cloud patterns. On the left side of the partition were three lacquered seats, next to each seat was a table with a small white cup and matching jug. The right side of the partition was empty of people and furniture with a red silk curtained doorway at the back.

A gong sounded again, the crowd cheered as the two hosts walked onto the stage.

It was Jingyi and Sizhui, the handsome young disciples from the Gusu Lan sect.

JY: Hello everybody, I am Jingyi.

SZ: My name is Sizhui

JY: And we are the hosts of this ‘Rift Healing Show’

SZ: We are here to help the cultivation world move from solving everything with fighting and towards more peaceful means resolutions.

JY: It is purely coincidental that this type of public show has attracted more - ow!

SZ: [Smiles] Thank you Jingyi, for your thoughtful words. Today we have a very special guest from the YunMeng Jiang Sect, please give a warm welcome for Sect Leader Jiang!

The crowd applauded warmly. Sect Leader Jiang was known to be a dashingly handsome, albeit with an awful temper; this was guaranteed to be a good show. The snack sellers were having to rush about with their trays of ‘bingtanghulu’, skewers of hawthorn dipped in syrup to meet the audience demand.

There was a loud hurrumph and a tall man dressed in rich purple silk strode across the stage to sit on the chair furthest away from the two hosts.

The young nameless cultivator was drinking it all in, the man certainly was handsome, though the clean look was marred by the deep scowl that drew his eyebrows in like a brewing storm.

Behind him he could hear two people chattering to each other.

Person A: Aiyo, he’s got a face like dried bitter melon.

Person B: I heard he was forced to come here, rumours had it he’s recently gone a bit wild with capturing anyone who even breathed the name of the Yiling Patriarch. One of the men he whipped turned out to the young son of a very wealthy merchant. Under pressure, the sect leaders had to show they were doing something about the issue.

Person A: This is punishment?

Person B: The sect leaders combined to ask him to deal with his anger management issues or else they might be forced to publicly denounce him.

Person A: Is this much different?

Person B: Hehe, you may be right there! I heard the merchant is also in the audience.

The young cultivator immediately glanced back around him, but he did not know anyone from Caiyi, so could not tell who were the distinguished guests, as there were so many refined looking people in the crowd.

SZ: Along with Sect Leader Jiang, our second guest is the young master Jin for the Lanliing Jin Sect.

JY: The spoilt princess Jin - OW - Prince Jin is renowned for his lavish attire and arrog- ow, haught- ow. Young master Jin is renowned.

SZ: He is also the young nephew of Sect Leader Jiang.

Jingyi glared at Sizhui who continued to smile innocently at the audience.

A young teen strode come in from the left side, dressed in dazzling golden attire. A silver bell jingled as he moved. The vermillion mark in his forehead contrast with his jade like pale skin. His eyes swept across the audience, a look of disdain on his face.

JL: Why do I have to be here?

JC: Sit

His uncle’s tone brooked no disobedience and so Jinling could only pout silently as he took the middle seat. As he was feeling thirsty, he picked up the cup set on the table to his right , but upon inspection, he sniffed and put it down again. He snapped a finger and one of his servants hurried up to replace the drink with a new jade jug and delicate jade cup.

His uncle saw his action and scowled again, his nephew was too much like his father at times.

JY: Today we are going to try and understand the deeply rooted issues that has lead to the - uh - exponential increase in whippings in the area governed by YunMeng

Person A: Isn’t it obvious why?

Person B: Yes, but you can’t say it too directly you know.

This was very exciting indeed, but wait there was a third seat laid out, who was going to the third person? The young cultivator wondered.

SZ: We are also very honoured to have a third guest today.

JY: Voted the most handsome cultivator of year for 16 years running. I’m sure you can guess it!

The high tension ratcheted up a few extra notches, and suddenly wafts of wind hit the young cultivators. As he looked around, he saw many of the women around him had started fanning themselves, and a few of the men too.

JY: Please welcome one of the Two Jades of Lan. Han. Guang. Jun!

The crowd clapped rapturously, there may have been some screaming as well. The young cultivator was overwhelmed by the volume, and the pitch. He stared intently to the left of the stage, as did everyone else, but after what seemed like a very long wait, nobody appeared. The clapping died down, and murmurs arose. Just as this was about to turn into discontent, there was the sound of a guqin being strummed, coming from above, and everyone immediately craned their necks upwards. There, a figure in white floating down from the high pillars that held up the main gate of the theatre. This man drifted down slowly the sleeves of his white outfit billowing delicately, descending like a god from the heavens. He landed noiselessly right on the final seat.

There were gasps heard all around.

“What perfection.”

“I’m not prepared for this, someone please hold me”

“Screen yourselves with the fans, we cannot look him directly in the eyes”

In amongst the hubbub the young cultivator was sure he could hear some saying

“Does he have to be so fucking extra?”

It sounded like it was coming from the stage.

Person A: Why would Hanguang Jun be here?

Person B: You sure ask the right questions at the right time. But you know what they say, Hanguang Jun goes where trouble is.

Person A: Is there going to be trouble?

Person B: Heh, we shall see!

Link to Part 2