hanablabbers - Tumblr blog

[hanablabbers]

Have you ever been so good at hiding that you’re dying that sometimes you wish you were worse at it and someone would notice and tell you that it’ll be okay?

[hanablabbers]

Justification is killing me, but killing isn't justified.

[hanablabbers]

They are slowly closing in, stay calm. Stay calm.

[hanablabbers]

If I showed my true colors, what would society think? Would they laugh, show pity, or read the ink? I'm exhausted from smiling every single day When I know the pain won't just go away. Every night I cannot sleep Because my thoughts run so deep. They went out for a stroll But got sucked into a black hole. My focus is no longer there, anywhere. I don't know why I'm like this, I swear. It seems like I'm just well-dressed. That just means how much I'm stressed. My friends all laugh and hang around. You don't need water to be drowned. This darkness beneath consumes my mind. It's like I'm living my life blind. On the outside I'm holding it together, But it's as unpredictable as the weather. "How are you?" "I'm fine." But the truth lies between the lines. It's like being on Mars and trying to breathe air. When they talk about the future, I don't really care. You say to suck it up and to be strong, But little do you know what exactly is wrong. My life is forever altered because of this. That cheerful 5 year old is who I miss. This is war; you either win or die trying. You speak the truth or continue lying. The changes were all so very subtle; I don't blame you for not seeing, But what you don't understand is that I'm a human being. The truth is you wouldn't last if this was in your brain, But I've found a way to numb the pain. I have to fight my mind every single second, But that's only because this thing had beckoned. I wouldn't ever choose to feel this way; these were the cards I was dealt. My only wish is that more people would understand how we felt. Sometimes a glimpse of wonder wanders on over, But it's as rare as finding a four leaf clover. Monsters don't live under our beds. They scream inside of our heads. Still I live with hope that one day I will win. I will defeat the monster that's under my skin.

© Katie Q. McKee

[hanablabbers]

I'm scared. That one day I'd wake up and you wouldn't be there anymore.

[hanablabbers]

Almost.

[hanablabbers]

Would you leave me, too?