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handsonurknees · 2 years ago

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last kiss

din djarin x gn!reader

a/n: just a little preface, i am not a star wars expert i literally watched mando because of pedro and that’s it (don’t kill me) but sorry if anything is inaccurate! also thank you for all of the love on my first post!

(i did not proofread this so i’m sorry if there’s any mistakes)

warnings: mentions of graphic injuries, angst, hurt/no comfort because i’m evil, main character death (yikes)

wc: 1.8k

“let’s go!” you hear cara yell at you, her voice hoarse from shouting over shots and the fire burning just some feet away. your eyes flickered from her and your friends to the injured mandolorian sat against the flipped booth. when she realized what you were thinking, even more panic creeped into her face. “no, no. you can’t. he’ll be okay. we need to go!” she pleads, but your eyes never leave the beskar-clad man. you hear him grunt through the voice modulator and you flinch. you can’t leave him, he can’t die not knowing how you feel.

“she’s right. go, i’ll be alright.” he offers, unconvincingly. you feel tears well up behind your eyes, fighting them back before turning back to the group.

“go. you all go and both of us will catch up. IG, give me the bacta spray, i can do this. i used to be a trained medic.” cara sighs at your attempt at a deal, but clearly worried about running out of time, she turns to the droid beside her.

“do you think the two of them can make it out alive?” she questions.

“more likely than not.” is all the bot says in response. the droid removes a vile from its arm and tosses it to you. “though i should be the one staying, i’m sure she would stay as well anyways. i can confirm her medical history., he is in good hands.” sweat pours down your back due to the warmth of the fire as cara looks at you and the mandolorian, and she realizes deep down she won’t be able to change your mind. you almost think you see a glisten in her eye and a small smile directed at you, but that’s just before she turns around and crawls through the grate as fast as possible, the child in her arms. she won’t say goodbye because this isn’t goodbye. she’ll see the two of you again in only a matter of minutes. you quickly turn to mando, hovering with worry over him.

“i didn’t know you were a medic.” he drowsily says, the effects of his injuries settling in as you begin to move with more haste.

“yes mando. you forget i had a life before i met you.” you respond, swallowing quickly as you uncap the spray. he laughs, and you smile. it’s been a while since you’ve heard him laugh, and even longer since it’s been you who made him laugh. “stay with me, alright? talk to me.” you say like routine, all of your knowledge flooding back to you from when you first learned how to deal with a patient drifting in-and-out of consciousness.

“why did you stay? i told you to go.” he asks genuinely. “i was fine here, peaceful. i’ve always thought that if i were to die i would want to die a warrior’s death.” he continues, voice wavering occasionally. your heart lurches at the idea of him knowing the really reason why you stayed. once the mist is all set up, you look at him, searching for his eyes under his visor.

“you are not dying tonight, mando. that’s why i stayed” you respond, and while it’s not technically a lie, you still feel guilty. that’s when your breath suddenly stops, realizing what you have to do next.

“w-whats wrong?” he questions your hesitation. when you look down at the bacta spray and don’t meet his eyes again, the air shifts in a way that sends shivers down your spine, even while the sweltering heat just feet away from you tickles your face.

“i have to do it to save you.” you whisper, still looking at the spray. “you won’t live much longer if we don’t do it now.” your voice getting hung up on the last word. you both know this is the last chance. part of you screams internally, baffled by how he’s even considering the possibility of not getting the spray. that part burns with white, hot, boiling rage, wondering if you were just going to give up, why did i stay for you? you don’t even ask me to stay and i did. how can you make me watch you die? but before you are able to voice any of this aloud, a gloved hand meets yours and shakily leading you the side of his helmet. “are you sure?” you ask a final time. even though every bone in your body aches to rip that helmet off the second the metal touches your fingers.

“don’t make me s-second guess myself.” he answers dryly. you just nod and carefully remove the helmet with a gentle hiss. slowly revealing the features you’ve been trying to piece together in your brain for months. in the amber glow of the room, you wish to memorize his eyes and his nose and his lips and his cheeks. but instead of studying every ridge and line in his face like you’ve always dreamed of doing, you imagine his face as one you’ve seen one million times. you don’t even flinch when big brown eyes meet yours. as soon as the helmet is off, your hands work quickly. you quickly lift the spray to his head and administer it. a breath escapes you that you hadn’t even know you were holding in. he’s okay. he’s okay is all you can think, the feeling overwhelming you so much that you don’t hear the heavy footfalls behind you, or mando’s failed attempts to shove you out of the way and shouts of ‘get down!’

‘he’s okay’ is all you can think, even when you’re shot by a stormtrooper who wasn’t killed in the shootout. luckily, by you crouched in front of the mandolorian, you blocked him from the view of the trooper. mando instinctively grabbed his blaster and shot a perfect hit into the the gap of the trooper’s armor between his neck and his head. the trooper falls limply to the ground, but all you can focus on is the pain radiating from the new hole in your back. your ears ring and something in you calls out. something that made you suddenly understand what mando meant about being peaceful with dying a warrior’s death. in a strange moment, the two of you are transported back to only moments before, but this time, with the roles reversed.

“dank farrik!” he curses, searching your eyes, his eyebrows furrowed together tightly. your knees feel weak, giving out in your current squat above the armored man. you fall flush against his chest, eliciting a hoarse cough. your hands press firmly into his chest, pushing yourself up to look him in the eyes. in any other situation, your mind would be completely foggy due to the proximity between you two, but somehow what you want to say is completely clear. he swallows, holding a firm hand over your wound, frantically looking around the room, despite knowing it’s far too late.

“you know, this is not how i expected this to end.” you joke weakly, woozy from the pain. the mandolorian pants, his face drowning in concern at your state. you set a hand on his face, his scruff scratching your palm pleasantly. “it’s alright. this way-“ you wince “you won’t have broken your creed. no living thing will have seen you.” you chuckle, which turns into a cough, followed by the metallic taste of blood in your mouth. he just sits speechless, words failing him. there’s so much he wishes he could say, but shock keeps his mouth shut. you feel the familiar feeling of tears for the umpteenth time that day. your thumb grazes his cheekbone, and he just watches as you fight this losing battle. sadness swells in his heart, a hurt that hasn’t hit him in years. for a person, that is. “i love you.” and you’re unsure if it’s the adrenaline or if it’s your sort of last words, but he snaps back into reality and brings his focus back to you.

“what?” he attempts to confirm, even though he heard you the first time.

“please don’t. i just-“ your tears fall down your face numbly, in steady streams. “i just need you to know that i love you. before i die. i need you to know the real reason i couldn’t leave you behind.” your words stumble out of your mouth quickly, but you know if you don’t say them now, you’ll never have the chance to. his leather covered hands move to hold on to both sides of your face, and he starts to quietly laugh. “what?” you ask, confused.

“i cannot believe that you are telling me this now. this was not supposed to go this way. everything was supposed to be different-“ he continues to dryly laugh “you weren’t supposed to die before i could even-“ he’s cut off by the startling reminder that the room around you that was once just taken up by the warmth of fire feet and feet away from you, is now engulfed in flames. smoke finally begins to fill both of your lungs and the ashes make mando’s eyes water (or at least that’s what he tells himself it is.)

“go. go now. please go find them.” he feels a weight on his shoulders, pulling him into the ground beneath him, holding him in place. he can’t leave you. you stayed for him, he has to stay for you. but his eyes flicker to the grate and how the fire is getting increasingly close to blocking his path. he knows your right, he knows he should go. “it’s okay. it’s okay.” you assure him “just don’t forget me, okay?” and he has to stop himself from guffawing. how in the world could he forget about you? he just breathes shakily, grabbing his helmet.

“i have thought of you every second while we were together, and i will think about you every second we are apart.” he admits with a sort of finality that scorches you. this is the end. in a desperate burst of energy, you slam your lips into his, reveling in every last second. you want to die with his lips being the last thing you feel. not the pain of your wound, not the pain of him leaving, just him. he kisses you back clumsily, making it obvious to you that this is his first kiss. selfishly, you hold on for just a moment longer, then letting him go, letting your hand trace his face one for time before he gets up.

“and for what it’s worth, i love you too.” he says, turning away in a way that shatters your heart. still, even while the live of your life leaves you in the flames, even while your back lets out one final wave of pain, even while taking your last breath, all you can think is;

he’s okay.

#the mandalorian #the mandolorian x reader #mando x reader #din djarin x reader #fanfic #mandolorian fanfic #mando fanfiction #din dijarin fanfiction #the mandolorian x you #din djarin #mando x you #mando #the mandalorion spoilers #the mandolorian season 1 #star wars #star wars x reader #grogu #cara dune

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handsonurknees · 2 years ago

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intertwined, sewn together

joel miller x f!reader

a/n: this is probably really ooc but this is my first time writing for joel. i really took a narrative approach with this (which i don’t usually do) so if you don’t like it then please tell me! i just couldn’t resist world building…

warnings: touch starved joel, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, mentions of getting shot, joel if he was even more babygirl

wc: 1.9k

the sun had just begun to set when you, joel, and ellie had finally found a place to camp for the night. it was a sad dilapidated excuse of a house, but there was a roof and unbroken windows, so it beat sleeping on hard frozen soil. when you first enter the structure, ellie sprints past you, almost knocking you over.

“holy shit! i don’t think i’ve ever been this happy to be in a house with rotting floorboards and broken furniture.” she laughs, flopping down on a stray floral cushion that seemed to once belong to the couch frame against the far wall of the small living room. a wide smile overtakes your face, but when you turn to joel he looks stern, surveying the house.

“yeah well, i wouldn’t get too comfortable.” he states dryly, entering further, the loud stomp of his boots following him. “i don’t trust this place.”

“you never trust any place.” you tease, but by the way his face contorts into an annoyed look, you can tell he’s not in the mood for teasing. ellie gets up, brushing dust off her pants and grabbing your arm to stay back while he searches the rest of the building. once he’s at least two rooms over, she leans in towards you.

“is it just me, or is he more pissed off than usual?” she asks

“it’s definitely not just you.” you mumble out in a huff.

“wasn’t he just fine like, two hours ago?”

“you’re asking me for what reason exactly?”

“i don’t know. you always fix him when he’s being an ass. it’s like you’re magic or something.” ellie explains. she always does this kind of thing to you. acting like you and joel had some sort of connection; like you and him were two halves of a brain sewn together. really, you just knew him. you knew what made him smile, what made him laugh, what made him angry. ellie obviously knew you two were old friends, but what ellie didn’t know was that you and joel knew each other before the outbreak. back in texas, you had a daughter, one ellie’s age. her and sarah had been in the same classes for almost their whole lives, but when the outbreak hit, you and your daughter fled and managed to get to a small town on the border of arkansas and missouri. there, she had gotten bitten and then shot by the only man you had began to trust since your ex left. that’s when you ran away and ended up in the boston qz, running into an old friend who convinced you to stay. the old friend that you have spent the past 18 years since with. so instead of explaining this all to ellie, everytime it’s just:

“yeah right.” then as if on cue, joel emerges from the back of the house and looks at you, then at ellie.

“i suppose it should be fine here. but only for one night.” he says gruffly, his hand instinctively settled on the gun on his hip. ellie pumps a fist in the air and runs deeper into the house. you feel the urge to celebrate a night not spent on damp wet leaves as well, but something stops you. the something that hangs onto that annoyed look and that stern glare. something that makes you reach out.

“joel?” he looks out the window, yet still hums impatiently in response. “what’s up?” you pry.

“why you gotta be so nosy?” he snaps, making you take a step back.

“i’m sorry, i just worry about you. you know, when you get all standoffish. you’re not alone, joel.” the words come out as gentle, even though on the inside his reaction stings you. the hiss of hot iron against your heart.

“well you don’t need to worry, alright? i’ll take care of myself, you take care of yourself.” he retorts, words like daggers in your side. of course joel was classically cynical and rude, but you always had felt he was different with you. no matter how self-centered that sounded, people around you agreed too. joel just so happened to be more tolerable when he was around you, it was a fact. this however, was not the first time he had snapped at you. and even though it happens every so often, it still cuts like a dull knife.

“okay, joel.” is all you say before exiting the room and search for some kind of pillow or mattress to sleep on. as you dig through musty closets, your brain aches, racking itself for the reason why joel was acting the way he was. each time, you come up with nothing. once you find a pillow and a frayed rug, your mind shifts to setting up a bed.

once the sun has nested beneath the horizon and the stars come out, you return to your room from ellie’s after she had fallen asleep to you telling stories from before the outbreak. as you take in your makeshift bed once again, a melancholy feeling overwhelms you. this feeling of looking a tattered rug and a dirty pillow in a battered room and being relieved that you have the privilege of sleeping here. a heavy weight settles on your shoulders, one you feel every so often that reminds you that this is how you will live the rest of your life. that you will never see this world go back to “normal”. what really gets you is the thought that this is all that ellie has ever known. or any kids for that matter. and when the sadness becomes to much you can’t hold the tears behind your eyes anymore, you turn around and leave the room. then you find yourself in a position all too familiar, fist hovering over joel’s door. ready to reach out.

“is that you, ellie?” he says from the other side of the door in response to your knocking. you could hear the floorboards creaking as he approached the rotting divider between the two of you.

“no, it’s me.” your voice is small, weary. a voice he recognizes and opens the door for with a sigh.

“what’s wrong?” he questions, noticing the glisten in your eyes from tears that had threatened to spill only seconds earlier.

“you tell me first, joel.” you cross your arms. he narrows his eyes, then reluctantly opens the door more with a sigh, prompting you to enter. when he closes the door behind you and you sit on the floor, he follows suit.

“don’t know what you’re talking about. i’ve been fine all day, you’re the one who’s crying.” he gestures to his own face as if it’s your own.

“oh come on, even ellie noticed you were off. and she thinks you are a perpetual asshole, so obviously you’re more asshole-y than usual.” his face stays flat, not showing any emotion like earlier, but this time he’s actually listening.

“there is no ‘reason’ okay?” he hesitates, “i just can’t seem to wrap my head around all this.” your brows knot together for a moment, wondering if maybe he is thinking the exact same thing you are. but then, he continues. “it just feels wrong. i look at ellie, and i see her. and it scares me, you know?” his words are warm with vulnerability, something you know only is heard when he is really, truly opening up.

“oh joel…” you exhale steadily to keep composure before continuing. “i do. i know. for awhile, i thought i was trying to replace my daughter, but then i realized something so so important.” you instinctively reach for his hand, not noticing when he jumps from the gentle touch, “we all will have many loves in our life. that’s the way it is for me, for tess, for ellie, it will be that way for you.” he swallows and you feel his hand clam up in yours, but you don’t let go. “it’s okay to heal.”

“how do you always have an answer for everything?” his voice almost sounds boyish, the way each word leaves his mouth like it might break. “i swear, you are the wisest person i know.” you laugh quietly and break from his gaze, but his free hand shakily finds your face and guides your eyes back to his. “i mean it.” he affirms. you lean into his touch, your laughter settling into a soft smile.

“you know why i came in here?” you ask so quietly, as if not to wake up a sleeping baby. his hand falls from your face and leaves a tingle in its wake.

“why?”

“because i don’t know what to say to myself right now, and i figured you might.” you search deeper into his eyes before continuing, “because i think you’re the wisest person i know.” his look of understanding fades and contorts into something more playful.

“you making fun of me?” he says in mock-offense. “i was just trying to compliment you.”

“okay, i know it sounds that way, but it’s true. i mean i have have known you for god knows how long, and you still impress me every day. did you know that?” his face falls again, this time into a look of content. honestly you didn’t even know you felt this way until this moment, but you weren’t going to stop now, not when words were begging to escape your mouth. “-and you know me, you know me better than anyone else. you care so much, and don’t get me wrong, you are stubborn as a bitch, but i know you too. i know that you care.” his eyes soften with every word in a way you’ve never seen before.

“i was thinking about how life will never go back to normal. we will live the rest of our lives being ecstatic to have a roof over our heads and feeling blessed to have enough food to survive.” you continue, mouth starting to dry up. “and even though it’s depressing and-and awful to think about, i cannot think of anyone else on earth that i would rather be living through hell with, joel.” it gets quiet for awhile, a comfortable silence hanging in the air.

“i have no idea how i became lucky enough to have someone like you think all that of me.” is all he can say. your brain goes into overdrive by his words and crash into him, wrapping your arms about him. then, for the first time in a long time, he hugs you back. strong arms, secure around you. an apology you accept greedily, reveling in the feeling of his embrace. his thumb carefully tracing circles on your back, his face buried in your shoulder, all things you don’t realize are him feeling the same way you do. when you break apart, when two hearts sewn together rip, when two strings that were once intertwined unravel, you feel the urge for more. feelings you hadn’t known were there brewing in your stomach.

then, his hand meets your cheek, and yours meets his, you lean in until your foreheads touch and your noses brush. suddenly everything leading up to this moment is washed over with a newfound clarity. you both shake with a nervousness neither of you had felt in a long time as the gap between two lips is closed and the rest of the world disappears. you had not realized how much you missed the feeling of another person’s intimacy. the kiss wasn’t rough or even necessarily passionate, but more clumsy and gentle. you touched each other like you were made out of glass, careful not to break the other as teeth clashed and unspoken feelings built up over decades were silently spoken.

and right then you knew, that this was exactly where you were meant to be.

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