haro0o - Tumblr blog

haro0o · 5 months ago

Text

The air is crisper than it usually was. A breeze whispered through, hushing the loud angry simmering. It took far too long for him to realize his eyes were open. Everything in front of his eyes was black, there was the slightest shine to it. Blue undertones that broke up the monotony of nothing. He jerked his head to the side, searching for the source of the light. There was nothing, just more darkness that seemed to fill his vision.

Suddenly, he sucks a breath into his lungs. The bitter, acrid taste of ink filled his mouth. It clogged his nose all the way up to his brain. He felt it back behind his eyes. He lost feeling in his hands, lost feeling in his feet. He couldn’t force the ink back out of his lungs.

There was a point where Massy couldn’t tell what part of his body was even his anymore.

It all swirled together in the endless abyss. Massy pushed his mouth open, tried to force the ink out as he coughed and hacked and did his best to squeeze the ink back out of his body. As his grandfather always told him, Will was always the most powerful piece of a person. Spirit and Will and Endurance to exist. Power and Strength, those were fleeting and variable. Losses that would fall away with time.

But Will… Will would carry you through.

Will… You certainly are a fun character.

What?

The fight, the emotion… I admire it. You hold power.

I don’t hold any power.

You don’t? Then How did you get here, Masaccio?

Massy sat up quickly, sucking air deep into his lungs. His eyes flickered over to the alarm clock on his nightstand, the time 7:30 p.m., on the dot. Massy stared at the bright green numbers, unyielding to his gaze until the 0 slowly clicked over to a 1. Massy sat back against the headboard, his hand coming up to rest over his heart as it thudded in his chest.

His mouth was dry, he reached over for his water bottle. It was just a nightmare, again. It was always nightmares. Massy popped open the lid of his bottle and held the cold metal to his lips. He drank it down like a man abandoned in the desert. He drank until he finally had to take a breath.

With a swift hand, he twisted the lid back onto his bottle and tossed it back down onto the bed. His head tipped forward, resting against his hands with surprising ease. He never knew what these dreams meant, they were always different.

The same voice, calling to him. Telling him something new. Telling him something different. Massy reached over to his nightstand and pulled out his journal. Pulling open the leather bound notebook, his eyes looked over all the lazily scribbled notes from previous dreams. Black, tar beaches. Dark, empty woods. Libraries with aisles upon aisles upon aisles of cobweb covered books.

Vacant.

Abandoned.

Massy wrote down his latest dream, pausing with his pen pressed to the paper. His mind wandered back to the ink. That time he spent floating in nothing… Uncle Leo said he knew what that feeling was.

Massy didn’t believe it.

Respectfully.

Uncle Leo said he knew what it was like to float aimlessly through the void. To lose sense of time with nothing but space to keep you company. That the isolation was just as painful as any battle he ever faced.

Massy didn’t doubt that. He didn’t doubt that his uncle knew all about the isolation of space.

But that’s not what happened to Massy.

Massy didn’t just float aimlessly, he lost himself in that ink. Just like in his dream, he didn’t know where he ended and where the ink began. Massy wasn’t just dissociating within the world around him, he was becoming a part of it. He was drowning in it, dying by its cold hands. Massy couldn’t pull himself away, he could only dig his heels in further.

“Massy? I thought I told you to take a nap and put the pen down.”

Massy lifted his head to see the concerned expression on his father’s face as Mikey peeked his head into the room. Massy blinked slowly and then lifted his pen up from the page.

“I uh.. I did. Nap, that is. I took a nap.” Massy responded. Mikey watched him for a moment longer before he nodded.

“Okay… Well, dinner is done. Come out, yeah?” Mikey hesitated in the doorway, his hand resting on the frame of the door. “You know, your Auntie April is going to be here tonight? Donnie and Leo… They’re already waiting.”

Massy nodded, his thumb picking at the edge of his paper. His eyes remained focused on his father, as if maintaining this eye contact would prevent Mikey from peering into his thoughts.

“... Are you okay, son?” Mikey asked softly.

What a loaded question.

“Yeah, I’m fine, dad.” Massy replied just as softly.

And what a lie.

Mikey’s jaw tightened for a split moment before he nodded his head and replaced his flat expression with a small smile. He let the curtain fall back over the doorway as he retreated from Massy’s room, leaving the teenager to his own thoughts once again.

Massy looked down at his notebook page.

The white paper, all of his previous writing, had been consumed by a dark blue ink from where his pen had bled. Massy groaned, lifting the page to see the blotch had sunk deeper than just the single sheet. The dark blob breached about five pages of his journal. Massy went ahead and closed it, rubbing his temple gently.

He tried to push his father’s concern out of his mind. All Mikey would know is that Massy was okay. He was! Okay! No need to question any further. Massy couldn’t talk to him about this stuff anyways. He couldn’t talk about how he always needs something to be making noise because the silence is too suffocating. He couldn’t talk about how sometimes he still felt a dark, sadistic thrill whenever he held a pen.

He couldn’t say these things. He couldn’t talk about the hateful things he thought about back then.

Because that’s his dad. And his dad, for good or for bad, always tried to talk it out. Massy didn’t want to talk it out. He didn’t want to be told that he was understood.

Call him an angsty teenager, but no one could possibly understand what he went through. What he did.

And what did you do?

Did you just stand there and watch?

Or did you play along?

Massy shook his head as he pulled himself out of his bed. He left his things haphazardly on his bed as he made his way out of his room. Something was wrong, he knew that for sure. Maybe he should…

As Massy turned the corner into the kitchen, he was greeted with the sight of four adults sitting around the kitchen table. Uncle Leo was sitting at the head of the table. It was still weird to see him in the spot that once occupied his own grandfather, but after Massy’s stint last year, Uncle Leo had really stepped up and became head of the family.

On his right, Uncle Donnie and Auntie April sat, chatting away about their next big project. Massy heard pieces of it as he walked over to the open seat next to his dad. Apparently, they were going to expose a corrupt CEO- As if that was anything new for them.

Then to the left of Uncle Leo was where his father sat, and now him. Massy sank into his seat some, his hands coming up to rest on the table. No one addressed him, he didn’t mind. It seemed the adults were all having an adult conversation, and Massy didn’t even want to be a part of that.

Suddenly, a piece of casserole was gently put on his plate followed by fingers pinching his cheek. He looked up to catch his Aunt had leaned over the table to serve him. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment too long before she turned back to where Donnie was ranting to Leo about how impractical the current bathroom schedule was.

Leo was questioning when they even put a bathroom schedule into place.

Massy focused on his dinner, tapping his fork lightly against the ceramic plate as he slowly ate. He tried to listen in to the conversation.

“… And I don’t feel comfortable sharing a bathroom anymore so I am moving to install more…”

“… Install more bathrooms? Was that always an option?…”

“… For me, not for you…”

Massy tuned it back out in favor of pulling the layers of his dinner apart. His eyes focused in on what looked to be a small chunk of ham and it suddenly occurred to him that he had absolutely no idea what he was eating. His father could probably serve him literal trash and Massy wouldn’t even be any of the wiser.

The young turtle lifted his head when he realized the table around him had gone silent. He looked up at the adults and they were all looking at him expectantly, like he had something to share with them.

“What?” Massy questioned softly, setting his fork down next to his plate.

Leo arched his brow and leaned forward some, “Messy, I asked if you were interested in starting your training back up.”

Massy resisted the urge to clench his fists, opting to clench his toes instead. Much less of a release but far more discreet.

Masaccio hadn’t stepped foot in the dojo in quite some time, and no one knew why. Well, no one else knew why. He had been trying to practice with his ninpo- He had that now! He always had it, but now he could actually use it. Now it took a form.

Then he woke up back in his room.

You know there’s more to the story.

Not that they need to be concerned with yet.

But Massy had been avoiding going back to training. Even just the simple meditation led his mind to wander down paths he wasn’t entirely comfortable taking. Now Leonardo, head of the Hamato Clan, was asking him if he wanted to continue training.

He should say yes, shouldn’t he? He wants to be part of this clan, he’s said before that he wanted to be a more active part of the family, he wanted to make up for what he had done.

Massy wanted to be a powerful ninja just like his father, right?

“I think I’m going to need a little bit more time before I can start training again,” Massy responded, looking back down at his plate.

There was a small, mumbled ‘okay’ that stabbed him in the back of the neck. This time, his fists did clench and he pushed himself abruptly out of his seat. Massy offered his family a smile, even as he was met with confused expressions.

“Massy?”

“I’m going to my room, I’m not that hungry,” The youngest turtle muttered before he quickly made his way to his room. He could hear them talking behind him.

“Maybe we should follow after him?”

“No, he just.. He needs time. I’ll.. I’ll talk to him in a little bit,”

Massy shook his head and closed the curtain behind him as she walked over to his closet. He pulled at the pile of blankets that he had tossed in there. He tossed the fabric behind him until he found a small shoe box buried inside. Taking a quick peek over his shoulder, he made sure no one was coming in as he pulled the box open.

Nestled inside, cushioned by torn and crumpled scraps of paper, laid a familiar glowing pen.

#ajekasjalsk #crying #baby nooo #i need him to be hugged snuggled given icecream given pizza given LOVE HE DESERVED

22 notes · View notes