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Prime Trail Run 2024 🇲🇾

My first race here in Malaysia is definitely one for the books. Wasn’t really able to train that much macam biasa, but my philosophy as always is to come out guns blazing on race day. To run as if my life depended on it. To push myself to breaking point - and boy break down I did. I started experiencing cramps after 8 kms but steeled myself because I thought I could win and wanted the win so badly. Unfortunately less than two kilometers from the finish line my legs cramped so bad that I fell to the ground and can’t get up. I was alone for maybe 5 minutes, my cramps not letting up, until 3 other runners came and helped me up. I had no choice but to limp slowly, frustrated at how I wasn’t strong enough to finish strong every time a runner passed me. Then I heard Lisa approaching from behind. We walked the remainder of the race together, me initially fretting for losing time and her comforting me even though she also experienced cramps and fell down before she caught up to me. We crossed the finish line together, exhausted but in good spirits because it was still a great run, and were surprised when the organizers handed me the tag indicating that I finished 2nd runner up. Raffy was already there waiting for us, and for a while we were just excitedly talking about the whole experience and it was just so nice to be there with them that finishing on the podium seemed like just the icing on the cake. So yeah. My first race in Malaysia made unforgettable by friends who shared that moment with me.

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Missing you on my dash po. Hope you’re doing alright!

I missed being on Tumblr too huhu medyo nanahimik ako ever since I got here in KL. But will try to update more again moving forward 🫰🏻

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Ever since I got the morning shift more than 3 months ago, I always left my place and got to work super early. Until a month and a half ago when I missed my usual bus and hopped onto the next one that came 15 mins later. And that’s when I saw her:

This cute Chinese girl who looks like Tricia Robredo. Reading a book. I made my way to the middle of the bus where she sat, sat a couple of rows back and watched her while she read. I few moments later I took out my own book and started reading as well. A nice start to my day.

We got off at the same stop - NU Sentral. From then on I would purposely leave my place later than usual. I would hop on the 6:20 bus and she would always be there, reading.

I found myself looking forward to the 20 minute daily ride to the office with her, the two of us each wrapped up in our own bookish worlds. Whenever I saw her I just knew the rest of my day would be great.

One time two buses arrived at the same time. I hopped on the first one that stopped in front of me and felt deflated that she wasn’t there. When the second bus passed mine I looked outside the window and saw her in her usual seat, still reading a book.

Two weekends ago during my off I went out to hang out with a friend, and on my bus ride home she was there, reading as usual. The bus was crowded, and the only seat available was the one next to her.

No, I didn’t strike a conversation with her by asking what she was reading and if it was good. No, our eyes never met and I didn’t manage a smile as I was getting off on my stop.

I wish there is more to the story but there is not, except for the realisation that real life sucks and I very much prefer the lives I read about in books.

I shall now go back to my reading.

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Hello Tumblr! Guess I’m back? Lol

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-Rumi

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 ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[text ID: In the deepening spring of May, I had no choice but to recognize the trembling of my heart.]

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4.20.24

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I’ve been here in Malaysia for close to four months now, and I’ve been studiously trying to learn the language because I feel that it adds depth and texture to how I perceive and experience my life here. Words give shape to thoughts and emotions, and whenever I am able to attach a Malay word to my thoughts and emotions, it somehow feels like I am experiencing them for the first time.

Whenever I look at the KL sunset I think, “That’s merah” - red. Whenever I eat something delicious, I think, “Sedap.” Whenever it’s hot outside, which is everyday, I think, “Panas.” 

When my family visited me here in KL last February, I took my brothers out to eat late dinner at a local restaurant. I was super proud of myself when I ordered food in Bahasa Malaysia. “Makan sini, dua ayam goreng, satu nasi goreng, satu nasi putih, satu mee goreng, tiga kopi.” My brothers were impressed, and I silently thanked my local friends for teaching me how to order the previous week. 

After my family went back to the Philippines, I came home from work one night and I thought “Saya penat dan sedih” - I am tired and lonely. “Sakit hati” - my heart ached. For my family, for my friends, for my dog. 

I learned that when speaking with friends, you refer to yourself as “aku” instead of “saya,” and to the other person as “kau” instead of “awak” because it’s more casual that way. “Saya” and “awak” are reserved for polite conversations, and of course I would take any chance I can to be impolite with friends. But when a local friend gifted me with baju kebaya, a traditional outfit in Malaysia and other Southeast Asian countries, for Hari Raya, “Saya terenstuh” - I was touched. I couldn’t bring myself to think “Aku tersentuh” because it felt rough, and the emotion that welled inside me that time was just so soft.

It hasn’t been easy for me living in a foreign country.  Being away from my family and everything I’ve known my whole life. And yet, “Aku rasa gembira” - I feel happy. I AM happy. Sini dan sekarang. Here and now. Sebab - because - for the first time in years, aku boleh rasa. Aku rasa hidup. I can feel. And I feel alive.  

I just need more words to describe this new way of life.

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I'm just glad i don't have to get drunk tonight.

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Oh yeah, it IS April

— Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

[text ID: Outside it is warm and blue and April.]

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Back here in tumblr for therapy, what do I do with these feelings? Char

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The longer I look, the harder it becomes to look away.

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unfolding into another spring

mahmood darwish, sylvia plath, v.e. schwab, ana mendieta

buy me a coffee

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Best squad

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My family visited me here in KL to celebrate Papa's birthday and my heart is so full right now. Sama na ako sa kanila pauwi sa Pinas char haha

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I’ve been here in KL for 3 weeks now — flew here on January 1 barely after the festivities ended and man starting a new year in a new country felt both surreal and symbolic for me. It’s been rough trying to get settled in but all in all I’m still glad and grateful to be here.

Andami kong kwento but I guess I’ll save those for future posts, just wanted to drop by and let my moots know I’m alive and well lol.

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Aaaaaahhh I already got my work visa 😱 I just sent it to HR and their partner agency in the Philippines as well.

All that’s left now is to wait for my flight details to be finalized.

For some twisted reason I secretly kept thinking that maybe my employment in KL won’t actually push through. That this is just a dream and that I will soon wake up from this. But with the approval of my work visa, shit just became real.

Mukhang tuloy na tuloy na talaga tayo.

Shit just became real, real quick.