hassanshahad

[hassanshahad]

We Were There... They Executed the City

Two days ago, we decided to return home to see what was left of it this time.

We woke up at seven in the morning.

We didn’t tell my family about our decision until we were already packing our bags, ready to move forward.

Even my beloved grandmother tried to stop me. She pleaded with me, begged me… but I lied.

I told her we were going to visit my sister, where Hassan’s family had been displaced to the south.

Only Sarah knew about our real plan. I told her the night before.

She tried to stop me, warned me not to make such a reckless decision.

And it was a reckless one I know.

Even though she isn’t from here, she seems to understand all too well what this mentally deranged occupier is capable of.

I appreciate her fear…

And I deeply value her constant emotional support, which I’ve needed more than anything, and more than ever before.

But I’m sorry, Sarah…

Because someone is counting on me. Someone is waiting for me.

Yes the plants.

I can’t turn my back on them and leave them behind.

Our souls are connected… from their roots to my heart.

We reached the city…

And everything was upside down.

Everything was grey.

The houses were all shattered.

The trees burned.

You know… their aircraft saw us. They noticed we had returned.

But it seems this time, they let us stay.

Because they know what they did to this city.

They know they wiped away every trace of it.

They know they destroyed all paths to survival.

They executed life itself here.

I looked around and saw my beloved books suffocating under dust and rubble

as if they’d been playing with it for days on end.

The trees had lost all their greenery.

Now covered in ash

As if grey were swallowing them whole.

It was truly tragic and heartbreaking.

I was devastated by what I saw.

I rushed to check on the little plants Hassan and I had recently planted in small pots.

Some had died… unable to survive.

Others were still waiting… begging for help.

Hassan was heartbroken he didn’t make it in time for the thyme "الزعتر".

It had died too.

I went to water what was left. But then came the shock…

There wasn’t enough water.

In fact, there was none.

Our home’s water tanks were smashed

nothing but shattered fragments scattered everywhere.

Hassan looked around, hoping to find water from our neighbors.

But all their tanks were destroyed too

Not even a few drops left.

Finally, we found a few small containers.

His brother had filled them before they fled.

I took them and began watering the mint, the grapevine, the banana plant, and some flowers.

When I finished, I found my gentle-hearted angel busy feeding the cats.

Ever since we stayed here previously, he always made a habit of caring for the cats in the area.

I walked toward him

And I was shocked at how few remained.

Back in March 2024, when we were last here, dozens of cats would come to us for help.

Now it felt as if they had all gone extinct in this wretched city.

Only three were left.

One of them was bleeding from the back of her neck

Clearly a recent injury.

Even Maryam wasn’t there.

By the way, Maryam isn’t our cat.

But she’s lived in our home for seven years ever since we settled here.

She’s the one who gives birth to those sweet, tiny kittens…

We called out for her over and over.

But no use.

She didn’t answer. She didn’t come.

I hope you’re okay, Maryam…

And I hope this nightmare ends soon.

By the way…

Today is my thirty-first birthday.

Everything is grey.

But I have complete faith in God, in my love, in all of you, in my music, in my plants

That I will bloom despite it all.

I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying, to color my life again.

To fill it with beauty:

The green in my trees,

The blue in my skies,

The purple in my flowers, and the sunsets I cherish.

And also

Mint "النعناع" was the second to wish me a happy birthday… right after the love of my life.

Please…

Don’t leave me in all this ash.

With your prayers and your love,

I will become capable of living again…

Capable of facing more days to come.

I love you all.

Shahad

VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & VETTED by @bilal-sala7 (#3)

[hassanshahad]

UPDATE..

Yesterday we were able to bring a bag of flour from the aid trucks. My husband, brothers, neighbors’ children and everyone went. There is a mechanism of chaos carried out by the occupation army. It coordinates and contacts the truck owners and orders them to get out of the trucks in the middle of the street. People come and take what is inside them. There are bandits who come with weapons and finish off the trucks completely and do not let anyone take anything. Every time we do not get anything from our share, but this time we were lucky. My brothers did not bring anything, but it is enough. There is someone who was able to.. It’s My hero hahaha .. We are celebrating now in here hahaha .. YEAH, IT'S EID GENTLEMEN 😍✌️

I am currently distributing a little to other families who did not receive anything.. We share the livelihood and so on…

“The world must know the mechanism used by the occupation here in Gaza in distributing aid. That is why I am also publishing this on fb, Substack and Tumblr. They use all means of humiliation. 😑

VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & VETTEDby ✅️ @bilal-salah0 (#3)

[hassanshahad]

Winning the Game

A Drarry Microfic I 553 words

“I just don’t get what the problem is, Harry. He’s leaving you alone, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

Is it? What he always wanted? He was always so focused on winning he never considered what he’d do when he actually won. 

“I guess,” he mumbled, kicking at the grass as they stepped onto the quidditch pitch. 

“Right. Then just leave it be. Come on, enough of your doom and gloom. I finally convinced enough eighth years to play a pick up game. You know how bad I’ve been itching to get back on the field again.” Ron chided, giving Harry a playful shove. 

Harry grunted in response, shoving his hands in his pockets, earning him a deep eye roll from his best mate that he would’ve seen had he not been staring moodily at the grass. Ron sighed loudly, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. 

“Well, if you keep moping like that, Malfoy’s definitely going to catch the snitch before you.”

Harry whipped his head so fast he nearly knocked off his glasses. 

“Malfoy’s the other seeker?” He asked, eyes brightening and growing wide. 

“Huh, did I forget to mention that?” Ron looked up towards the sky, thoughtfully tapping his chin. 

For all that Malfoy had been ignoring him since their return to Hogwarts, his eyes were practically glued on Harry during the duration of the match. Harry took the opportunity to fake him out as much as possible, diving and twisting through the air as if to say catch me if you can. Malfoy, in turn gladly rose to the bait, speeding elegantly through the air, just barely on his tail. When Harry glanced over his shoulder, Malfoy shot him a smirk that seemed to say I could have you right now if I wanted to. Harry felt himself shiver, and nearly tumbled off his broom as he attempted to right himself. 

If asked, either boy would have vehemently denied it, but each had noticed the golden glint of the snitch several times before actually making the dive to catch it. Neither seemed to want the game to end. Eventually, they couldn’t feign ignorance any longer, and thus the chase began. Malfoy no longer seemed to struggle to keep up, now shoulder to shoulder with Harry as they both reached for the snitch. Each seeker plummeted towards the ground without hesitation as their years of training kicked in, driving their bodies. Mere meters away from crashing, the two yanked up on their brooms, while simultaneously reaching out towards the fluttering snitch. Their heels skidded against the grass as their brooms leveled out their descent above the field, just as each boy grasped at the target, fingers grazing against each other. Finally, spurred forward by the momentum, the two of them collapsed in a heap.

They looked between each other, eyes locking, panting heavily, as the snitch wiggled sedately between their clutched hands. In the distance, they could hear the voices of the other players above them conversing amongst each other, sounding confused. 

“Did you see who caught the snitch?”

“No, they were neck and neck the whole time.”

“Oi, Harry!” Ron shouted down to him. “Who won?”

Harry grinned, squeezing Draco’s hand and pulling him closer. 

“We both did.” He mumbled happily, only audible enough for the two of them. 

[hassanshahad]

Hey everyone..

I've exhausted every avenue, but I'm trying hard not to stand idly by and to do as much as I can to free myself and my small family from the horrors of this war after my beloved Hassan and I lost our jobs.

Ummm..I can write and create content, and write articles of all kinds, whether trending, news, sports, educational, or marketing, such as about cars, perfumes, restaurants, brands, and more.

I can also teach you some basic Arabic and its grammar if you're interested.

I would love to create some nutrition and exercise courses, but they require a laptop or at least a good phone. However, I can't do them now because my phone and my laptop are both broken. I'm now using my husband's simple phone.

I know these are very simple things, but this is what I can do now.

I hope you understand my situation...

And this is only in exchange for a donation to my campaign, even if it's a small donation. Even if you can't donate, it's enough for you to share my campaign with your friends, perhaps someone else can help.

Thank you.❤️‍🩹

VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

If you like to read..and If you can support me to be free..Plz do it ☮️🫂👇

[hassanshahad]

UPDATE 2..

Me and my beloved wife are going through very harsh conditions after being recently displaced.

We have no shelter, We rest in the streets no food, and no source of income after we both lost our jobs.

She is still tired from her recent miscarriage and needs good nutrition and some vitamins, and my new kittens need you too🐾🥹

That’s why we kindly ask you to look at us with eyes of love and peace.

We are in need of your support during these difficult times...Thank you.🫂☮️

If you can support us to be well even a little, please do it❤️‍🩹

It's our last meal of flour.🥺

I'll let you imagine what's next 😑💔

Hey everyone..

This is my message to the world:

I'm Hassan 34y from Gaza and my lovely wife Shahad 30y. @shahaddahlan0

Father of a child my wife is conceived in the war after waiting 9 years

I have a small family, and they are all I have and all that matters to me in this fake world.❤️‍🩹

I don't like begging, and I cannot imagine ever doing so if the war had not forced me to do so.💔

If you would like to donate to us in order to secure another flour that will last until the end of the month, please do not hesitate.

or share my message, here is the link.☮️🙏🏻👇🏻

✅️VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & @bilal-salah0

Me & My lovely wife @shahaddahlan0

GAZA 🇵🇸🍉🌿

[hassanshahad]

A NIGHT at the Window…

I stood this evening at my window, gazing at the sky studded with stars

those tiny lights that captivate me and fill my heart with calm and hope.

But suddenly, I saw other lights moving slowly across the sky.

They were not stars, but occupation aircraft,

varied in shape, sound, altitude, and in the brutality of their missions.

A wave of suffocation swept over me,

as though the very sky that once felt like a refuge had turned into an open prison.

I remembered how, before the war,

I used to see the path of passenger planes crossing the sorrowful sky of my city every day,

so often that I had nearly memorized it.

I would imagine myself a passenger on one of them, or at least a bird,

soaring freely among the clouds, far from this heavy reality.

I dream that one day I might fly,

that I might leave,

that I might see the world..

I dream that we will one day have an airport like every other country,

that we might travel, live,

and be treated like human beings.

But why not us?

Why us?

Why this restriction, this suffocation,

these barbed wires that silence our dreams?

Questions I ask myself every night,

and I know...

there is no answer

only silence,

and a sky burdened with planes that carry nothing but death,

and sorrow without end... 😑

Momentary feelings I just wrote down, I named it:

"A Night at the Window"

If you can support me to be free..Plz do it ☮️🫂👇

Vetted by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7 ✅️

[hassanshahad]

UPDATE..

"We couldn't escape and we couldn't stay"

Today I have become homeless, moving from street to street, from house to house, from tent to tent.

Thank you, world

أنا اليوم أصبحت مشرداً من شارع إلى شارع ومن بيت إلى بيت ومن خيمة إلى خيمة

شكرا للعالم

Today when I came home to get my books and some other things, I watered the mint and thyme "Za'atar" زعتر we left..My husband fed the cats that were straying like us..I felt sad about that. I hate the occupation...💔

Displaced persons rest "street" 😑

استراحة نازح متلطم تلطم 😑

VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

Please donate to us here if you can or share the link👇🫂

[hassanshahad]

My love 💓 🥹

A New Survival...!!

This morning, we managed to make it out of the area out from beneath the rubble as if we were being born again… as if it were the beginning of a new life...

We were feeling our breath, just to be sure we were still alive, counting our trembling limbs, and looking at each other in disbelief as survivors after the storm.

The bombing was brutal… everything felt like the end of the world.

But we didn’t die.

We walked out, our feet sinking into the dust, and the neighborhood that once teemed with life had turned into a pale, gray painting, moaning in its silence.

I saw my favorite tree "the Kenya" still standing, still not fallen.

Just like us.

We don’t come out of war the same as we went in...

We come out with eyes that have seen more than they can bear, with hearts worn down by pain but still beating, and with a small, fragile hope

but enough to say:

“We are still here”

Here are some details from this painful morning..I tried to write it down so it wouldn't stick around like a shock!!😑👇🏻

On That Fateful Morning...

At exactly 5:15 a.m. today, 21. May..

We were both asleep, hiding as usual under the bed, lying on the ground to avoid shrapnel and drone fire.

I haven’t told you before about the early nights of displacement when my family and neighbors fled the area…

But what happened this morning was the most terrifying experience of all.

We woke up suddenly, terrified by the intensity of the explosion. Stones and smoke filled the air.

Hassan threw himself over me instantly, shielding me from the flying debris.

At first, he thought the wall of the room had collapsed on us.

As for me, I couldn’t comprehend anything… I just whispered the Shahada, feeling like I was breathing my last.

I still can’t fully describe what happened

the emotions are heavy, tangled, and stumbling.

But don’t worry…

I’m still alive...

And now... we are both in Dair Al Balah.

I miss you all deeply, and I love you, my friends...💓

Vetted by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

Plz don't let me and my love alone in this a fake world...

[hassanshahad]

UPDATE..

The terrifying nighttime "symphony" of bombing has begun...!! 😐

We have been under siege for the third day in a row... and we have been unable to flee for many reasons...

The water ran out today. We hope the army will begin withdrawing from the area soon. I thank my cousin for providing us with internet access via SIM cards, even if only for short, intermittent periods..Because I'm here because of him...❤️‍🩹✌️

Finally, I thank you all, and I hope you don't stop talking about us. Fear surrounds us from all sides, and hunger has been consuming our bodies for weeks...

Gaza . Al Qarara 📍

Vetted by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7 ✅️

Plz don't forget us ❤️‍🩹☮️🫂👇

[hassanshahad]

Me and my beloved Shahad miraculously survived death today for the third time... @shahaddahlan0

What we went through this morning was so terrifying that she had to write it down, just to keep it from lingering in her mind as an unshakable trauma.

We are now displaced in Dair Al Balah. We have no shelter, no food, and not even a bit of money to buy flour.

The situation is far more tragic than you can imagine. The siege continues to suffocate us, food is being blocked from entering, and life is becoming harder each day.

Please, we beg you don’t leave us to struggle alone.🥹

Be a source of support in these especially difficult days, even in the smallest way. Wallah we love you🫂☮️👇

Vetted by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7 ✅️

[hassanshahad]

Let me die here, I want nothing else from this world...😍🌿

Gaza. Al Qarara 📍

14.May.2025

5:00 p.m.

VETTED ✅️ by @gazavetters & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7 ✅️

[hassanshahad]

I feel suffocated...

I don't know how much longer this will last.

The situation keeps getting worse, day by day.

Death and hunger are devouring our bodies, mercilessly.

I am shattered... there's nothing I can do, no way out.

The suffocation in my chest grows heavier; even breathing hurts.

Please... don't leave me alone.

If you can help me and my family, I would be grateful, and if you can't, please share my campaign with your friends, maybe someone can help🥹🫂🙏👇

Help me and my beloved Shahad, we really need you ☮️

@shahaddahlan0

VETTED ✅️ by @gazavetters ( #502) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7 ✅️

[hassanshahad]

Today, I breathed life alongside the children somehow, the air felt purer with their laughter in it.oday, I breathed life alongside the children somehow, the air felt purer with their laughter in it.

We screamed not to shatter the silence, but to free the child within us...

We played until age became meaningless, and laughed until we drowned in joy.

It felt as if the world paused to gift us a moment so pure, so deep, it could never be forgotten... 🥰

One day in Gaza, we really took a deep breath💛✌️

Don't despair, the rubble around you does not mean the end...💛✌️

Just breathe 🖤

You can help us overcome our difficulties by donating here🫂👇

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, ( #502 ) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

[hassanshahad]

"A Candy... and the Weight of a Nation's Pain"

How can I explain what it means to suffer from hunger?

Not the ordinary hunger that fades with a delayed meal, but the kind that leaves a scar on the heart and an ache in the soul.

No matter how I try to describe it, the world won’t understand… won’t understand that true pain sometimes lies in the simplest of things like a "piece of candy".

Today, I found my little nephew crying his heart out, just because he wanted some sweets.

I looked at his mother… I know her well. A patient woman, but in that moment, she was helpless.

Not because we have no income we’ve learned to live with that but because there was simply no candy available, even if we had the money.

I felt sorrow for the child… but even more, I ached for my sister, and that silent heartbreak in her eyes as she watched her son cry, unable to do anything.

I rushed to him and held him tightly.

He loves me dearly… ever since he was small, he would come sleep between me and my husband, and we’d watch cartoons together, we play with cats and turtles, and I teach him how to play the guitar, eating marshmallows, cake, sweets, and chocolates the same chocolates I might love even more than he does. Lol!!

I love him so much, and I always feel like he's my own son

But today… everything was different.

As he leaned into my chest, I could almost hear him say without words:

"My crazy aunt… I know you’ll bring me what I love, like you always do."

But this time… I failed him. And I’m not used to letting anyone down especially not a child.

Can you imagine? All he wanted was a small piece of candy.

And I had nothing to give.

My heart sank, my eyes teared up, and I stood there helpless.

But God never forgets the children.

Suddenly, I remembered a small box of dried grapes tucked away in the kitchen.

I ran to get it for him…

And when I saw his smile return, it felt like I had been given the world.

He kissed me and said, “I love you, Shahad!” and giggled.

That moment… was one of the most beautiful in my life.🫂

Momentary feelings I wrote in my mind and named them...

"A Candy... and the Weight of a Nation's Pain"

This is my campaign link, If you can't donate to my family, I would like you to share it with your friends☮️👇

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, ( #502 ) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

https://gofund.me/36f14d33

[hassanshahad]

"A Candy... and the Weight of a Nation's Pain"

How can I explain what it means to suffer from hunger?

Not the ordinary hunger that fades with a delayed meal, but the kind that leaves a scar on the heart and an ache in the soul.

No matter how I try to describe it, the world won’t understand… won’t understand that true pain sometimes lies in the simplest of things like a "piece of candy".

Today, I found my little nephew crying his heart out, just because he wanted some sweets.

I looked at his mother… I know her well. A patient woman, but in that moment, she was helpless.

Not because we have no income we’ve learned to live with that but because there was simply no candy available, even if we had the money.

I felt sorrow for the child… but even more, I ached for my sister, and that silent heartbreak in her eyes as she watched her son cry, unable to do anything.

I rushed to him and held him tightly.

He loves me dearly… ever since he was small, he would come sleep between me and my husband, and we’d watch cartoons together, we play with cats and turtles, and I teach him how to play the guitar, eating marshmallows, cake, sweets, and chocolates the same chocolates I might love even more than he does. Lol!!

I love him so much, and I always feel like he's my own son

But today… everything was different.

As he leaned into my chest, I could almost hear him say without words:

"My crazy aunt… I know you’ll bring me what I love, like you always do."

But this time… I failed him. And I’m not used to letting anyone down especially not a child.

Can you imagine? All he wanted was a small piece of candy.

And I had nothing to give.

My heart sank, my eyes teared up, and I stood there helpless.

But God never forgets the children.

Suddenly, I remembered a small box of dried grapes tucked away in the kitchen.

I ran to get it for him…

And when I saw his smile return, it felt like I had been given the world.

He kissed me and said, “I love you, Shahad!” and giggled.

That moment… was one of the most beautiful in my life.🫂

Momentary feelings I wrote in my mind and named them...

"A Candy... and the Weight of a Nation's Pain"

This is my campaign link, If you can't donate to my family, I would like you to share it with your friends☮️👇

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, ( #502 ) & #3 verified by @bilal-sala7✅️

https://gofund.me/36f14d33

[hassanshahad]

A small part of my story

Under the title

A month equals a year and a year equals a whole lifetime..

Every time I remember that moment, my heart almost jumps out of my body.

I don't know... am I happy or sad?!

When I found out for the first time after waiting for nine years that I was carrying a fetus in my womb, I couldn't believe it!

It was something like a dream that couldn't be comprehended!

We hugged and cried together, my lover and I, with joy, alone in a city completely devoid of people.

I didn't mean anything like romance... no!

Just us and danger, or rather under the name "us and death".

You will know later what I mean by this.

I will complete my story for you...

Nine years ago, I never got pregnant, can you imagine?!!

Yes, for the first time, a hug accompanied by crying and tears of joy...

It happened in the war!

Yes, it happened in the war!

Oh my God!

In difficult times, and almost impossible life.

We were not even ready to have children after about half a year or a little more of the war,

and we no longer wanted to think about it at all, especially with the horror of what we had experienced in the recent events of our lives.

We had completely forgotten about this subject.

Although this was our plan recently, but before the Holocaust (the "cruel war" that was unlike any war we had experienced before),

we went together constantly to see the doctor, and did everything we could to be blessed with a child.

We prayed a lot, and we paid a lot of expenses in order to give birth to this little one who was stubborn and refused to come to this dangerous and strange world.

It makes us both smile.

It is really amazing!

We also thought and made a decision recently to undergo an IVF procedure, but circumstances worsened and we did not complete the treatment stage.

God did not want us to complete the treatment journey and undergo the injection procedure.

Yes, but He wanted the pregnancy to happen suddenly without operations, without treatment, without prior planning, and without even thinking about the whole thing!!

Oh, His wisdom and power.

It's like a sign from God to compensate us with such great joy in the midst of this pain we are living because of this deadly war that has taken away everything we own...

Even security was stolen from our hearts.

One day, specifically on the fourth of Ramadan, we decided to return home for several reasons.

The army was present in our area when it invaded the city of Khan Yunis, as the tanks were stationed right near our house at the time,

specifically the Qarara area ("Kissufim").

You will wonder, dear reader: Why did you return home?

When you finish reading, you will know all the answers.

Excuse me, this is the first time I am writing.

I am not a writer, and I can make mistakes while telling my story, so read, dear, and think carefully, and you will see all the answers in front of you...

We were exposed to death at any moment.

Even every night we would prepare a first aid kit containing some gauze, disinfectants, iodine, painkillers, and the like.

We were afraid of the coming of night. Night was not only pitch darkness, but a terror unlike any other!

The city was closer to what is called a "ghost town".

I cannot describe to you how much the night scared me, even though I was one of those who loved the night, staying up late, and watching the stars and the moon.

We were very afraid when darkness fell, as if it was a symphony of shelling about to begin, for this was a mentally ill occupier who never stopped hitting the stones and trees, as he enjoyed taking the soul from people.

Every day we would listen to the bursts of bullets hitting the walls of the house, and the shells that I remember did not stop throughout the nights.

When I heard the sound of the shells exploding, I was counting...

Almost every nine seconds there was a shell exploding!

That's really what happened with this crazy occupier!!

I told you it was a symphony, as if he was having fun while bombing our city!!

But do you know what scared me the most..?

What is known as the "drone", this alone is enough to shock me whenever I see it close to the ground or hear its sound.

We used to always hear explosions accompanied by the sounds of bursts of rubble shattering from neighboring houses, when they were repeatedly and directly bombed.

The sound of the shell whistls enough… Oh, how scary it was!

You feel and say: Where… Where will it explode? Where?!

Will it be with us or not?

Will we both die now, I wonder!!!

Yes, it is extremely painful, and you cannot imagine it no matter how much I describe it to you.

Believe me… It is something like madness!

This is the first time I am writing these details!!!

The question still haunts you and revolves in your mind: What forces you to stay at home despite all this danger?!

Yes, now I will answer you…

I was forced to stay with my husband because he refused to leave the damned house! Yes, I used to call it damned, and it is my home that I have always loved and dreamed of.

But after the exhaustion we have experienced due to displacement… Oh, displacement and its suffering!

We were displaced several times:

First from Al-Qarara, then to Al-Aqsa University in Khan Younis, from the university to Rafah, from Rafah to Dair al-Balah, then to the sea of ​​Dair al-Balah, and then what next!? Isn't all this displacement enough!!!

As if it were a farce...

We are fed up!

It was really devastating, we couldn’t describe it, and you can’t imagine it either.

That’s why my husband decided to return, even though the house had been shelled with a number of shells, and the army had not yet withdrawn from the area…

We both walked on foot back from Dair al-Balah,

via shortcuts other than the main road (“Salah al-Din Street”),

away from the sniper’s sight; because it was a prohibited combat zone.

We returned from the back of the house called “Al-Matahin”, near the “Al-Berka” road that leads to Dair al-Balah.

The road was a little safer.

I tried all the way over and over with my husband, trying to convince him not to return… Even my family tried a lot, and everyone warned us.

All of them, we know very well what we are getting into.

Indeed, it was a matter of two options with no alternative: "life or death"!

Even after we arrived home and witnessed the fear during this trip, and because of the very close bombing and the spread of drones, I insisted a lot that we leave and leave him immediately,

but to no avail... He did not listen to me.

He used to say to me: "I will get you out of here, but I will come back and stay here."

And of course I refused every time...

I will die with him, and I will not leave him alone and abandon him!

He is my partner, my support, and the love of my heart.

Here I gave up trying to convince him, and surrendered to what was coming... As I told you: "life or death."

I have never experienced such fear in my life before!

I felt my intestines tearing every night from the severity of the pain, and I discovered that when I am exposed to extreme fear, I suffer from severe abdominal cramps.

I almost tremble with fear when I hear the sound of a tank approaching the house, or when I hear the footsteps of the infantry soldiers.

Can you imagine where we used to sleep and spend the darkest of miserable nights?

Under the bed.

For a whole month we slept under the bed!

To avoid stray bullets and flying shrapnel as much as possible.

I was almost dying… I couldn’t breathe normally, and I would suffocate a lot whenever danger approached us.

As usual, my husband was stubborn and always tried to calm me down.

I know he was scared too, but he didn’t show me that,

and didn’t make me feel his fear;

To strengthen me, protect me and make me feel safe.

Although we witnessed another difficult situation during our last displacement… Whenever the army withdrew, we would return home,

But it deceived us time after time, and stormed again and again.

That time it was also very difficult, as the shells were hitting the "Al-Matahin" building right next to us, exploding before our eyes.

I could hear the whizzing of bullets next to my ear,

and see the bullets between our feet as we ran, hitting the sand and moving it!

A strange feeling came over me at that moment,

As if I were in a movie!

Is this real, what is all this brutality, what is all this violence, why all this killing, why all this killing, why am I here, why is my life like this,

I was lost in a sea of ​​many, many endless questions.

To the point that I was imagining and wondering: Have I been shot and haven't felt the pain of the bullet yet?

Did the bullet hit my lover?!

Questions ran through my head that had no answers, and no acceptable explanation,

But the most important question is, am I still alive???

Yes... We miraculously survived this time, my friend, but let's consider that I am like someone killed without a fight!

During that period, during the month we spent in a state of almost permanent shock,

One night, we received a phone call.

It was our kind and gentle neighbor, we did not know she was in the city, one of her relatives had told her we were there, and she called to check up on us and ask for help.

That woman was an elderly woman in a wheelchair and her daughter was with her who was taking care of her, they lived alone together in their house, and they had not left after the evacuation order due to her illness and inability to move.

Her house was a little far from us...

Almost the same area, but on the other street.

We were always in touch by phone, and checking up on each other.

Every morning my husband goes out to help this poor old woman. He risks his life and hides in the alleys of the houses and their destroyed rubble, in order to deliver some basic necessities to them, such as food and drinking water. They have no one, and there is no one to extend a helping hand... Even the Red Cross had difficulty evacuating them from their place.

Only God, and then my husband, were present.

As if God was protecting him from the treachery of this damned army that has no mercy on the bird and the cat, so that he can help this old woman and her daughter.

My heart was breaking when he decided to go for them, but there is nothing we can do... We are all forced to face these difficult circumstances and life, and we must unite, feel for each other and help with everything we can;

It applies to all of us in the end, and danger surrounds us from every direction, and we are all in God's care.

Oh my friend…

I remember this period in its entirety.

Even the cats… I remember how they would all gather in our house so that we could feed them.

To the point that they would attack me out of hunger and try to devour the food I prepared for the table. I saw them as terrifying cats with a sharp look and a frightening voice, so even though I loved them, I was afraid at the time.

I don't know... Is it from her hunger, or the shock of her fear, or did she actually taste the bodies of the martyrs?

I know, my dear... If you are reading my story now, you will want to know what happened to me regarding my unborn child and wonder...

But unfortunately, we lost him, I lost my first child, our little one whose joy was not complete when we met his innocent eyes, yes, the occupation killed him, because of what made us suffer from fatigue, hardship, fear, cold, hunger and endless displacement, this innocent person left and did not want to come to this unjust world.

Do you know what?!

He was supposed to be three months old now.

I was going to be a mother.

And can you imagine what else, I didn't know I was pregnant all this time

It's fate, my friend, it always surprises us.

Thank God, God's compensation is beautiful, we did not lose hope, and we trust in God that He always hides the best for us, God willing. 💓

Hey everyone..

I did not sleep last night. I was thinking for a long time and recalling some of the events that happened at this time last year. I wrote them down as part of a story I lived through at one point. For the first time, I feel that writing is what I needed.

If you can participate, do not hesitate💓 And if you can donate to our little family, you are saving us and your generous donation will make a difference so that we can start our lives anew.

While writing these letters I felt something strange at first. My heart was sad and my eyes were tearing

But when I finished I felt better I am fine now, And finally I thank everyone who supported me psychologically and financially. 🫂

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #502 )✅️

[hassanshahad]

"If it weren't for the trees, I would have said goodbye to this world long ago"...💚

Finally, I left the house, and that decision was like a breath of fresh air after a long period of suffocation...

I was tired of everything, and I never wanted to leave, especially after the harsh scenes that surrounded me daily: the rubble and remnants of a once full life.

As you know, I live in a small village called "Al-Qarara," a seemingly peaceful place, but one that carries untold pain.

Last week, my steps led me to the Bedouin village, located behind our house, near the "Al Mawasi" area.

What a coincidence... or perhaps a long-overdue gift, but it arrived just when I needed it.

Imagine... There, I found the refuge I'd always dreamed of.

A place I hadn't known existed, even though I've lived here for seven years!

Can you imagine this?

Yes, it's a small, artificial lake where rainwater has collected, surrounded by nature and only what is real, isolated from the noise of the world, people, and buildings. A place full of trees that, even I imagine, if they didn't exist, I would have said goodbye to this world long ago.

There was a dreamlike serenity, a calmness like a secure embrace after a long day.

And that, quite simply, is all I want from this world.

But on the way, during my visit to the Bedouin village, I was talking to my close friend Hannah. She asked me to document my moments there and photograph some Za'atar زعتر. I laughed because Za'atar wasn't available, and all I found was "kenya"! Even the street where my house is located is known as "Kenya Street."

Sorry, Hannah... lol. 😁🫂

As for yesterday... it was my date with the sea.

That sea, with which I always thought I was at odds, especially after the recurring issue of displacement, to the point where I once wrote that we were "at odds."

But yesterday we reconciled.

We even hugged... and I confided in it things I've never told anyone, and it, in turn, whispered its secrets to me.

A rare moment of peace where I felt like I belonged to this world again.

A few days ago, my friend Kordelius gave me a song. It was a beautiful gesture, but I couldn't listen to it at the time, as its arrival coincided with the sounds of explosions that shook the place and captured my full attention. I saved it on my phone, and days passed until I found the right moment to listen.

I was on the beach, and there, where the waves whisper and the soul breathes, I pressed "play." As you know, I have no identity without music. It's my companion wherever I go, and my clear mirror amidst the chaos.

Some momentary writings I named it:

"If it weren't for the trees, I would have said goodbye to this world long ago" 💚

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters , ( #502 ) & @bilal-salah0

GAZA 🇵🇸🍉🌿