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Remember kids, it's easy to lose sight of who you are when you don't know who that is to begin with ♪⁠ヽ⁠(⁠･⁠ˇ⁠∀⁠ˇ⁠･⁠ゞ⁠)

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Lmao one more listen of this damn country song that he sent me without even knowing how much I love the song while I moodily smoke a bowl lmao call me Mordecai ig

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I went from talking to him literally everyday for almost a year, to this. Muted, dry barebone replies even though all I want to do is text him so often that sometimes I just open up messenger and stare at his profile picture which is dumb as shit cause it's literally just like a picture of wolves which makes me feel stupid as shit.

I hate when I see them online at the same time, I know they're talking, even when she keeps saying she has him blocked, and he's blowing up her phone according to her. I believe her, and I hate every time I feel jealous. I feel like a pick me, wanting the creepy dude to choose me, like a fucking book written by a straight cis man, like you know what I mean? I feel like the character that was made to be hated, because of all these ugly internal thoughts and feelings I have even when I dont believe them.

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Like, it's been nearly a year since I've been into him, and half the way in of that I realized oop that's not just wanting in his pants ruh roh, I like his dorky fucking smile. 3/4s way in, oop turns out he's not just a little bit like pervy, he's a major creep, AND at the same time dealing with the fact that crush ain't a crush 😵‍💫 you'd think the fact he's a piece of shit would neutralize every positive feeling of him I ever had, but nope! Now I feel like a piece of shit for more reasons AND I have to pretend I'm over him every time he's brought up or even hinted at.

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I keep having thoughts of, fuck it, shoot your shot. And then I remember, the horrors.

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I have relistened to the song he sent me an hour ago over 5 times trying to convince myself I actually hate him ☠️

They never prepare you for the Yearning

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They never prepare you for the Yearning

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Man, being out as aromantic for over 6 years then falling for a creepy straight cis man really is a blunder huh

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Cute coworker is now creep coworker.

Absolute peace of absolute fucking shit that I'm still into and desperately trying not to be into, I hate him so fucking much.

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i call this one “nobody likes you when youre 23”

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These blunders, they sure are social

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Not only that, but I ended up going to a straight up SEX CLUB with the dude who blew my back out, had freaky deaky sex in front of others (saw some customers I see regularly at work, oop, thankfully I usually wear a face mask at work tho) and have plans to go again :D

So I ended up going to that sex party with coworker, got my back blown out by a separate dude, sucked off another guy, and actually made friends!

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So I ended up going to that sex party with coworker, got my back blown out by a separate dude, sucked off another guy, and actually made friends!

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So,, ik this is a vent account but for myself I think I'm also gonna post some of the good things that end up happening so I don't go insane :3

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Even now all I want to do is message him, ask his side despite already knowing, I know these patterns I know creeps and I know how they work and think usually but for some fucking reason I feel stuck on it. he's been so, again just nice, and sweet, and genuinely considerate to me and something I've been trying to work on is pretty much just figuring things out for myself cause I have two people on total to go to on this stuff, one is my therapist who can only do so much and my best friend who has been vocal on not liking him since before I even met him, and like I already go to him for fuckin everything literally everything. I'm constantly putting shit on him, he's always the person I vent to about nearly everything but he started complaining about one of his friends doing that a few months ago so I've been talking to him less about everything, literally started this blog so he'd get some peace finally from me but now that's caused problems because now I think he thinks I'm keeping things from him when I'm trying not be so fucking annoying and trying to make sure he doesn't hate me

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Finding out that the first person I've developed feelings for in years was into me, but only because he doesn't actually see me as a guy and into me sexually and likely only that, right after finding out he's a total creep and seemingly an absolute piece of shit from a trusted person really kinda hurts huh

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Just end me bro,,

I can't tell when im looking into things too much or not enough