havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

bro i have not had dysphoria of this brand this bad in so long but i suddenly got this feeling of "people are not seeing me for what i am and they're not taking me seriously" and it hit me like a fucking truck holy shit this sucks shit

dysphoria hours

putting this on the alt but i hate being nb i hate walking into a place and using my they/he pronouns and knowing that people will see me as woman lite no matter what i do and my voice is too feminine to be anything but woman lite like if you're gonna see me as anything at LEAST see me as a guy. please. please. please. it's not what i am at all but it's better than feeling like i'm getting hit with "ok sure you are" about not being either or anything even close. fuck i hate this i hate this i hate this!!

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

dysphoria hours

putting this on the alt but i hate being nb i hate walking into a place and using my they/he pronouns and knowing that people will see me as woman lite no matter what i do and my voice is too feminine to be anything but woman lite like if you're gonna see me as anything at LEAST see me as a guy. please. please. please. it's not what i am at all but it's better than feeling like i'm getting hit with "ok sure you are" about not being either or anything even close. fuck i hate this i hate this i hate this!!

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEANDERTHAL CHILD WITH DOWN'S SYNDROME? Because they're all I've been thinking about when I'm sad for the past few days. Their existence makes me less sad.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

not to be an asshole but i think a lot of disability discourse on this website cannot comprehend the idea of being physically disabled in a way which is like. not at all negotiable or flexible. like i think it's great that we're pushing people to understand that disability is nuanced and that there are disabilities which are not visible forms of physical disability but also like. sometimes you straight up cannot climb stairs. no not even on a good day not even when you "have enough spoons" it is just not physically possible. or you cannot get on and off a bus without struggling or without help. or it is physically not possible for you to bathe yourself. and it's not about "and you force yourself to push through it because of the internalized ableism" because you literally cannot physically fucking do it. like i am not trying to be mean but i feel like it frequently strikes me that people talking about disability seemingly do not understand the concept of I Literally Cannot Do This No Matter How Much I Want To Or Try Like It Is Physically Not Possible

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

physically disabled people should be allowed to do activities that might cause a flare up or illness without other people acting like the time they need to recover is no longer owed to them.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

slow down for your disabled friends. thats like a bare minimum kindness that we shouldnt have to ask for. i love that youre so quirky and walking fast is a cool personality trait to you and all that but i bet you can count your physically disabled friends on less than one hand

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

...forgot i disappeared off the face of the earth on here too lol. sorry about that a lot happened

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

I JUST REALIZED MY TREATMENT TEAM'S INTIALS SPELL OUT SLAM IM SCREAMJG

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

born to have funny bendy joints, forced to have the funny bendy joints be painful

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

does anyone have any experience with muscle relaxants and hypermobility (like how they interact)? rheumatologist prescribed some to take at night for my pain as needed and i figure she wouldn't do that if she thought it'd make it worse but i still figured i'd ask

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

my PT ALSO figured it was hypermobility based on how my pain is so okay cool this does seem to be A Thing

so i went to a rheumatologist today and found out i have hypermobile joints. and all of the hypermobile joints are pain hotspots: shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles (so technically only a 4/9 on the beighton scale but i guess that's why it's just a screening tool). she's also strongly considering myofascial pain syndrome. hypermobility apparently also explains me being ✨ generally fucking clumsy to a really notable degree ✨

it's pretty much just "the hypermobility is probably what's causing my pain, fatigue, etc." which makes a lot of sense but is also interesting because in MY mind with my zero knowledge of how hypermobility can look i was 100% sure that i just. didn't fucking have hypermobile joints. oops.

now i'm just kinda like

aside from letting my PT know that this came up and like. figuring out where to go from here. still getting blood work to rule out other stuff.

right now all i know is that i have some form of symptomatic hypermobility that's making my joints go "yikes" but we still have more testing to do on the autoimmune end. and also x-rays. i am so fucking tired.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

my knee hurts like a motherfucker today holy shit why. me when my fucking silly goofy joints just decide they hurt for no reason. what.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

so i went to a rheumatologist today and found out i have hypermobile joints. and all of the hypermobile joints are pain hotspots: shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles (so technically only a 4/9 on the beighton scale but i guess that's why it's just a screening tool). she's also strongly considering myofascial pain syndrome. hypermobility apparently also explains me being ✨ generally fucking clumsy to a really notable degree ✨

it's pretty much just "the hypermobility is probably what's causing my pain, fatigue, etc." which makes a lot of sense but is also interesting because in MY mind with my zero knowledge of how hypermobility can look i was 100% sure that i just. didn't fucking have hypermobile joints. oops.

now i'm just kinda like

aside from letting my PT know that this came up and like. figuring out where to go from here. still getting blood work to rule out other stuff.

right now all i know is that i have some form of symptomatic hypermobility that's making my joints go "yikes" but we still have more testing to do on the autoimmune end. and also x-rays. i am so fucking tired.

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

yankees LOOOOVE their blue fascism

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

interaction i have with shocking regularity is when someone’s complaining abt someone they know and theyre like “ughh they’re 21 and dont have a job and refuse to learn to drive” and then they remember who they’re talking to (me. 21 cant work cant drive) and go like

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

i did not front for the entire fucking call

can't wait for M to be like "hey :) how are you doing" and for me to once again hold my head in my hand and go "M." on the verge of tears from sheer exhaustion lmfao