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Start Playing Dungeons & Dragons #1: Group-forming and social tips

So you want to play Dungeons & Dragons (D&D), but you’re not sure where to start? Got a group of friends who’ve never played before but want to? Is everyone looking for you to start the group and be the Dungeon Master (DM)?

The world of D&D can be intimidating. Grabbing the book and opening its thousands of words, some you’ve never heard of before, is a bit much. Fear not, traveler. I’m here to help.

A quick introduction. I’ve been playing D&D on and off over the last 2 decades, mostly playing in 2nd and 5th editions (5e), though I’ve had experience in 4th and Pathfinder as well. I’ve recently started DMing 5th edition campaigns for new players.

D&D has seen a sort of revival in the last few years. 5th edition cleaned up and simplified a lot of rules from previous editions. Web shows like Critical Role also brought a lot of people to and back to the game.

I’ll be doing a series of posts built around getting a group together and playing D&D. Most of it will be from the Dungeon Master’s perspective, but much of this is relevant to players. Even though these discussions should take place before the first session, they can (and will) take place as the campaign progresses as well. The things here come from a combination of my personal experience and what I’ve heard from other DMs. Many of these things I adjusted as I discussed as we played.

This first post will have tips for anyone trying to form the group, which is usually the DM, but could be anyone. I’ll be discussing some of the social aspects of D&D that are not specifically related to the gameplay, but are still important. Here we go.

1. Personality compatibility

D&D groups can form in many ways. Sometimes it’s a bunch of people from the same group of friends. Sometimes it’s a mix of different groups. It can be coworkers. It can include girlfriends/boyfriends. It can include family. The possibilities are endless.

Group compatibility is very important. If the group is going to be gaming for hours together at a time, the last thing you need is people not getting along.

It’s also not black and white. Two people who seem like they won’t get along, may. People who seem compatible may not game well together. A harmless joke outside of the game’s context may not be so harmless when someone’s character or play session is affected.

If you’re in a group that doesn’t have the luxury of being discussed beforehand (such as a pick-up group at your local game store or convention), don’t fret! My experience is limited, but I’ve had some success. It comes down to people coming in with an open mind.

2. Setting expectations on game type

Topic#1 — Amount of combat vs non-combat:

This isn’t called “Dungeons & Dragons” for all the fight-avoidance built into the ruleset. A large chunk of the “Player’s Handbook” is dedicated to how combat works.

However, there are plenty of non-combat things to do. You could run a game with little to no combat. Pretty much all D&D games will be a mix, with the dial moving between the two as the campaign progresses.

Most players are excited to just play, ready to be enthralled into the world of whichever DM they play with. But, it could be something worth discussing.

If you, as the DM, spend hours crafting layers of political intrigue and a conflict that requires intense deliberation, but your players want to kick in the door and kill some dragons, you may have set the wrong expectation.

On the flip side, if you spend hours building expansive dungeons with puzzles, traps, loot, and finely tuned combat encounters, but your party wants to frolic at the local bath house and get involved in whirlwind romances, you may have set the wrong expectation.

This doesn’t have to be a huge part of the pre-campaign discussion. It’s good to talk with your players for some ideas, but run the campaign you want to run and be willing to take feedback as things progress.

Topic #2 — Theme/feel of the world and game play:

It is well known that in serious situations, comedy is needed to keep one’s sanity. However, there is a general overall tone you can have with your campaign.

Is the subject matter serious? Are you dealing with heavy subjects like murder, mental health, genocide, or drug dealing? Or is it more light-hearted? Are your players trying to save a princess from the frog prince who wishes to charm her like a fairy tale?

Do you want a strictly developed and consistent universe, or do you want to pull from many sources? Do you mind if pop culture references or memes are featured heavily?

Players immersed in your carefully constructed fantasy could get frustrated if an out-of-place meme shows up during a tense moment.

Topic #3 — Player investment:

It’s nice to have invested players.

An ideal situation: When the game is going, all distractions are kept to a minimum. Phones are only checked periodically or when necessary. Players are paying attention even when they’re not involved in the present circumstance. If a joke is cracked, it’s not a full-scale digression that stalls play for the rest of the group.

But this is not guaranteed. Your players may not pay attention during important scenes. They may play on their phone when it’s not their turn.

If you’re players aren’t involved, ask yourself why. Is your content not compelling? Is the story moving too slow? Are they not taking notes and forgetting things? Are there too many players?

It’s possible your group “isn’t meant to be.” Maybe what you are looking for in players and what they’re looking for in a DM just don’t match up. Some players may not enjoy pen-and-paper as much as they thought they would.

Games without some level of player investment can grow boring, ending up as a slog of rolls and outcomes that feel meaningless and uninteresting. Not all players have to be actively involved and debating on every party decision, but all players should be paying attention, even if that involves sitting back and enjoying the show, jumping in only when they need to act. As the DM, it is important to discuss with your players your expectation of them.

Topic #4 — Rule strictness:

If you’re like much of my generation, you’ve probably played video games. To me, what makes D&D so special is that it’s not like a video game (though I still love video games, but for different reasons).

The “computer” of D&D (the DM) being a reactive human being opens up the game. Adding/subtracting rules can be as simple as adding or removing a dice roll. Making a playtest-ready version of a new class can take only a few hours.

On the other hand, modding a video game can take hours (unlikely), days, months, or years!

When I was a youngling, playing D&D with a group of friends, I remember a situation where a player wanted to kick a door down, but it was being held shut on the other side by goblins. The player still wanted to attempt it and the DM said he could. The DM assigned a -4 penalty (to signify the goblins holding the door) and allowed the roll. I don’t remember the outcome, but I do remember what I thought at that time:

The DM thought of that on the fly! If this was a video game, and no door-kicking mechanic was implemented, he couldn’t even attempt that.

In my mind, the world of D&D was opened. I became enlightened. I was snake-bitten by Gary Gygax’s ghost.

Therefore, I am personally very open-ended with my D&D games. Running for new players especially, I am more lenient on rules and I homebrew heavily to show the freedom of D&D. You want to play Batman? We can do that. You want to play some really cool character idea you thought of but couldn’t make in Skyrim? We’ll make it work. You want to try flipping off the table and catching that flag so you can climb to escape? You can certainly attempt it!

I’ve talked with other players and DMs who run strict ruling games. From what I hear, it’s just as fun, just different. It really depends on the group you want to run.

3. Scheduling and play frequency

If possible, most groups I’ve talked or been in run once a week, same day, roughly same time. But that may not be possible or wanted.

The recent group I DMed ran Saturday nights every other week. While I’m a nerd who spends most of my Saturday nights gaming, and such is true for most of my players… things would come up (random events, concerts, dinners, wanting to relax, etc). I didn’t find it reasonable to hold my player’s Saturday hostage with that much frequency.

I also played in another pen-and-paper game on alternating Saturdays. This meant, for the foreseeable future, all my Saturday nights were booked for a social activity. Being the introvert that I am, this started to wear on me.

Play frequency is important though. It can be tedious to have every session start with the players going “what are we doing again?” Any excitement for an awesome plot twist from the previous session may be gone by the time the next session rolls around if too much time has passed.

Find a schedule that works for your group. Playing at night on a workday may be viable. Playing once a month can work if your group is cool with it.

4. In Conclusion

Don’t overthink it! If you want to play D&D, play D&D. If you have the luxury of a group of friends who want to play, be the DM if no one else wants to be. If you don’t have that luxury, try searching for a group. If you have a veteran friend who wants to run and teach everyone how to play, that’s great! That’s what I am to many friends.

Just start playing. The things I mentioned in this article are important, but they shouldn’t be the reason you don’t play. You’ll get better as you play. Groups can change. People can come in and leave. Rules and themes can adjust as you find what interests your group.

Here are some great D&D channels with a ton of information. These guys have much more experience than me. They’ve taught me a lot and many of my own findings have been verified by them.

Critical Role (on Geek & Sundry) — https://www.youtube.com/user/geekandsundry

Matthew Colville — https://www.youtube.com/user/mcolville

Web DM — https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7XFmdssWgaPzGyGbKk8GaQ

So, what are you waiting for? Get a group together and roll some dice! Oh, and come back for my next article where I’ll be going over game mechanics.