he4rtbr3aker

[he4rtbr3aker]

I'm tired of felling like I'm fucking crazy

[he4rtbr3aker]

Why isn't anything ever enough?

[he4rtbr3aker]

Fuck ana

I gained weight and now I have a boyfriend

This stupid little voice in our heads its only there to fuck everything up

My toxic trait is thinking that I will only be loved and have a boyfriend when I'm skinny

[he4rtbr3aker]

Yesterday I cuted myself again

Idk if I'm scared that he will see it and leave me or if I want him to see them to find out if he will love me anyway. I don't even know if he loves me.

I have no ideia why I did it but I'm ashamed everytime I look at my legs, my mind won't stop reminding me that there is no chance he will still think I'm beautiful after he sees my fresh scars, he knows I struggle with shit but he has only seem old and healed cuts. Idk what to expect and can't handle the anxiety of that

[he4rtbr3aker]

He is always telling me how beautiful I'm, specially while we are having sex

He always wants to have the lights on because he says that he likes to look at me

He said that he liked my short hair because he can see my face better

I was never with a boy who demonstrated attraction to me in his words, it feels good, rlly good

[he4rtbr3aker]

He was in my bed while I was studying, I said something aboit gaining weight but that not bothering me because I was happy (a lie)

Later he went to give me a massage abs pulled up my shirt, we were talking and joking and he pointed my stretch marka and said that they were marks of happiness

Idk if I fell good or bad about that

It's weird or cute?

[he4rtbr3aker]

He wanted to look at me while we were having sex

I said I was embarrassed and he told me I was beautiful

That I could turn of the lights if I wanted to

Than he holded my face and kissed me

I let the lights be on

[he4rtbr3aker]

Maybe he is finally the one

[he4rtbr3aker]

Maybe I'm his first option....

I know I'm not your first option

I know you are fucking me because it's convenient

If any other girl had come to you in that party and wanted to have sex with you later, you would be with her

I'm with you because I wanted you, not the other people I kissed that night, you were my first option

And it sucks never being the first choice

I know I was not yours

I never am

[he4rtbr3aker]

One week I relapse with self harm, the next I starve myself thanks to ana and this one I binge and cry myself to sleep

Loving adult live

[he4rtbr3aker]

Never binged this much at once 😋 fucking hate myself lol

[he4rtbr3aker]

I know I'm not your first option

I know you are fucking me because it's convenient

If any other girl had come to you in that party and wanted to have sex with you later, you would be with her

I'm with you because I wanted you, not the other people I kissed that night, you were my first option

And it sucks never being the first choice

I know I was not yours

I never am

[he4rtbr3aker]

[he4rtbr3aker]

I just want to be fuckin happy

[he4rtbr3aker]

Not posting anymore because I moved towns and started university

Apparently I'm happy now lol

You guys can wait for my next breakdown or for me to fall in love, what will probably happen and go wrong, again :)

Just one thing, being a student and living alone is dangerous for you ed, I lost so much weight without even noticing, you can literally do what the fuck you want, be careful :')

[he4rtbr3aker]

At least I gott into college

[he4rtbr3aker]

My toxic trait is thinking that I will only be loved and have a boyfriend when I'm skinny