heavensoutofsight

[heavensoutofsight]

update <3

hey guys, i hope you all are doing well!

first and foremost, i wanna apologize for the lack of uploads. i have a few fics just sitting in my drafts unfinished, but lately i have had really low motivation/energy so it's taking me forever to complete them. i always feel like this during the summer, because this is the time of year where i just don't feel that great and every day just blends together. but i don't always feel like this, fortunately; i do have days where i feel somewhat content, and doing other hobbies can help with distracting me from my thoughts and feelings, but sadly that feeling doesn't stay for very long. my life has been kinda meh lately and because of that i haven't been writing consistently. again, i want to apologize for that. i hate just... making people wait forever and ever and i really do feel bad.

so because i've been struggling to write lately, i'm sorry to say that there probably won't be any posts from me for some time. i'm not neccessarily going on hiatus, i'm still on tumblr and i still read other peoples' amazing fics, but my account will just be kinda quiet for the time being. i'm sorry <3

on the bright side, i want y'all to know that i won't be abandoning this account anytime soon, and while i won't be that active, i will still be working on my wips! i'll just be working on them at my own slow-ass pace lol

much love. remember to be kind to one another :)))

[heavensoutofsight]

i have a silly sappy request ☝🏻 it's a very specific scenario i've been thinking about lately but feel free to change what you feel like changing if you wanna lmao

something like billie and singer!reader and then billie is doing a pretty significant show (like either closing a tour or a one night only special show type of thing) and then she calls reader out to the stage to sing a song with her and then when they're done billie gets all giggly and mysterious and doesn't let reader get off stage yet and reader is like "👀 what's going on" and then billie gets all sappy and proposes on stage 🥹

and who knows maybe reader also has her own pair of engagement rings ready with her bc they're absolute fools hopelessly in love with each other

also finneas on stage too being the only one who knew they were both planning on doing it soon and having the laugh of his life

like very cutesy and fluffy and emotional also bc they both feel like they're at home on stage especially bc they both treat their fans like family but also bc their actual families are at that show too so they're very comfortable and happy up there 🥹 anyway just pure gay shit you know

anyway don't feel pressured to do it just thought of sending it to you 💖 thank you anyway wishing you the best 😚

ᥫ᭡ STAGE-POSAL ── .✦ B.E.

pairing: Billie Eilish x Fem!Singer!Reader

genre: pure fluff

synopsis: Billie was at her final show, putting her most into everything. And there was a surprise that only her and Finneas knew was going to happen. And maybe, you had a surprise of you own.

w/c: 2.3k

The crowd sang loudly, echoing throughout the entire stadium. They were all completely heartbroken and happy—a bittersweet moment. Billie was jumping around and running around the stage, doing her wonderful performance like she always did. The crowd almost as loud as her.

Her hair was flying around perfectly, some sticking to her forehead and even some on her jaw, beginning to dampen in sweat. Her jersey hung just right on her body, her baggy jorts looking perfect on her, going down past her knees. Everything about her was perfect. There was no other way to describe her.

You were standing backstage, looking in one of your hand-held mirrors, making sure everything looked perfect. Because tonight was special. It was Billie’s last show for the Hit Me Hard and Soft Tour, and you couldn’t have been any more proud of her girlfriend.

You knew how much Billie had put into this tour, working tirelessly on each show, a ball of energy. You had supported her the entire time, holding her hand whenever things got too much, when she needed to cry from the stress. You had always been there for her. And you were so proud of her for getting through it.

You knew how much the stress of a tour was—ending yours not too long ago. It was hard, stressful, and it put a lot of weight on your shoulders. And sometimes, having someone there to lean on and cry could be the best source of comfort you could have.

You began to hear the loud music begin to calm, lowering in volume, before finally cutting off, and the crowd had erupted with cheers. You could only watch from under the stage on the little tv as the camera pointed to Billie, sweaty and a little out of breath.

She was smiling with that goofy smile she always had on her face, like she had just won the lottery. Her hands were behind her back, looking up and around at the crowd. Her eyes were filled with admiration, looking at the crowd, cheering. Cheering for her, for what she did.

You could only smile like an absolute idiot—seeing her so happy made you happy. There was always something about her smile that was contagious—it could never go away once it appeared.

Eventually, you heard your name being called through the earpiece, Billie’s manager telling you and Finneas to start heading up onto the stage. You took a deep breath before starting to head to the steps. And within a few moments, you were up on stage, Finneas not straying too far behind.

And the second you were standing on the platform, cheers only got louder. But the only thing you could focus on was Billie. You quickly wrapped her in your arms, holding her close like she had been away for months.

Billie let out a little laugh, holding you back just as tightly. But slowly and reluctantly, she pulled away, taking in your form and outfit. You had a light blue, satin wrap over your shirt on, the hem tucked under your bra. You had light baggy jeans on, practically swallowing you whole. And you looked nothing less than perfect.

Billie wanted to stay like this forever, her hands resting gently on your hips, and staring at you like you were the Mona Lisa. But she knew she had to finish the show. So, she let out a little breath before pulling you over to the stools that had been set up.

Billie and Finneas sat next to each other, while you sat across from them, mic stands sitting in front of each of you. You adjusted yourself until you were comfortable, a gentle smile playing at your lips as you looked into the crowd, you gave small waves as Billie spoke.

Her voice instantly quieted the entire stadium, all of her fans listening to her voice intently. It was surprising, honestly—how quickly she could get an entire sold-out stadium quite so quickly. It was like she had magic powers.

You listened just as well, hearing her talk about who she was grateful for, and everyone who helped her support her through her journey of the tour. And then, she mentioned her mom and dad, who were up in the crowd, somewhere on the second floor, watching them. You could see Billie’s smile widening at the mention of her parents.

Eventually, Billie had stopped talking, and she began to start up the song. It was one of yours, but Billie was a huge feature on it. So you both just called it yours. You both began to sing the intro, holding onto the mic gently, making sure it caught every note and your voices. Finneas played the guitar, strumming every note perfectly.

As you two continued, your voices angelic and soft, you and Billie locked eyes. You both couldn’t take your eyes off each other. You two could still sing, could still move your bodies, but your eyes wouldn’t move from each other. It was like a trap. A trap neither of you wanted to get out of.

This was the moment you figured out the one thing you’ve been searching for—pure, undying love. It had been years since you two got together—just a few months after Billie turned 18. So just about 6 years you two have been through thick and thin, never once letting go of each other.

And you knew that this woman was the one. That you made the right choice, that this woman was the right one, and would forever stay that way.

Slowly, the song came to an end, and the crowd erupted into cheers and whistles all over again. You couldn’t help but chuckle from the praise, looking around at all the hundreds of thousands of people. It almost seemed unreal.

You never held your shows anything near something as big as this, so seeing so many people cheering for them was a little shocking to you. Like they had just heard the best news of their lives. The shock came first, then it would be the happiness and joy.

Your smile widened, before looking back at Billie. You could tell something was different. Her posture was just a bit straighter, her shoulders pulled back, and her leg was bouncing up and down on the stool’s footrest. Like she was getting ready for something.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, seeing her look a little anxious. You looked between Billie and Finneas, who were now pulled away from the mics and their earpieces out, talking quietly amongst each other. Like a secret being passed. Even in a room full of thousands of people.

You saw Billie bite her bottom lip, a nervous gesture that she normally did. You didn’t understand what was going on, but you didn’t say anything, sitting there like you were a lost puppy. Because you were. You were really lost, trying to figure out what was happening.

But eventually, Billie stood, and she took the mic off the stand, holding it up to her lips as she walked closer to you. And she looked straight at you, one hand behind her back. You could see little beads of sweat forming on her forehead, and not from earlier. These were new. And then, Billie began to speak.

"Baby, you know I love you. I have always loved you, and I forever will. I love you like the moon loves the Earth, like the ocean loves the sand, and like flowers love water. I couldn’t live without you, baby. I will forever and always need you by my side, so this is why I’m asking you this…”

And before you knew it, Billie was down on one knee in front of you, pulling her hand out from behind her back. It was a red velvet box, gently shining in the lights of the stadium. And when Billie opened it, you almost sobbed. You quickly got off the stool, walking closer to get a better look.

It was a beautiful gold ring, an oval diamond placed right in the middle. And around the band, it looked like there were little diamond leaves, like on a stem of a flower. It was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, and the exact ring you showed Billie before.

"Will you marry me?”

The crowd went silent, waiting for your answer. But you knew it from the moment she got down on one knee. Tears streamed down your face as you nodded, letting out a small, happy giggle.

"Yes! Yes, of course I’ll marry you!”

Billie felt a wave of relief go over her body, a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She gently took your hand into hers, taking the ring out of the box and slipping it onto your ring finger. And it fitted perfectly on your finger.

You gently held Billie’s hand as you admired the ring, happy laughs and sobs mixing together. You gently pulled Billie up and into your arms, holding her tightly. The entire crowd was screaming and cheering for you two, but their voices faded as Billie held you. "I love you. I love you so much. I knew you’d say yes.”

She gently placed a kiss on your tear-streaked cheek, her own tears falling down. She couldn’t have been any happier than she was with you right now. She held you like you were her lifeline, her fingers tangling in your hair.

Finneas had watched from a few feet away, and was clapping and cheering along with the crowd. He knew that this was going to happen. He went ring shopping with Billie. But Billie wanted to keep it quiet, so he kept it quiet. He smiled as he watched his sister holding her now fiancé, happy for her.

But then, you slowly pulled away, letting out a small chuckle. The timing couldn’t have been any better. You wiped away the tears from your face, before gently letting go of Billie. You looked down at your feet, before reaching into your pocket, and pulling out a beautiful diamond ring.

You got down on one knee, holding up the ring. You had planned for tonight to propose to Billie, just not exactly like this. But this was even better than how you planned it. You had made sure the ring had stayed in your pocket, too scared to have a box hiding under the cloth due to the fact it would peek out.

The ring had a circular diamond in the middle, and little diamonds covering all around the band. You had made sure it was the exact one Billie pointed to when you two were out that one time, looking for jewelry. The exact ring Billie said she would love to have lying on her finger.

Billie gasped as she saw the ring, almost tripping over her own two feet. But the surprise quickly turned into happiness, tears falling down her face in complete and utter joy. She couldn’t help the sobs that left her throat. Gently taking your free hand into hers.

“Will you marry me?” You said softly, and before you could even process it, Billie had taken you back into her arms, a bone-crushing hug surrounding you. She was whispering little "yes"’s into your ear, like it was a secret only you two could know about. Even if you were on stage, surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people, even her parents and brother, just a few feet away, who were completely shocked by the revelation.

Billie shakily pulled away, tears falling down her face like a waterfall. Her hand lifted up shakily, and you gently pushed the ring onto her finger. A perfect size, yet again. Billie let out a soft chuckle, before quickly pulling you close again.

She gently took your chin into her fingers, before pulling you in for a deep, gentle, and sensual kiss. Your tears mixed in with your lips, desperate cries and sobs leaving both of you. You both couldn’t pull away, wanting to bask in the moment with each other. Like you were the only two people on the entire planet.

But eventually, oxygen was needed, and you two pulled away, a mess of tears and heavy breaths mingling between you two. You could hear Finneas laughing behind Billie, making the woman roll her eyes. She slowly stood up, but never once letting go of you. She held onto your hand tightly, not daring to let go.

She quickly picked the mic back up, before raising it to her lips, and happily speaking to the crowd. “My soon-to-be wife, fuckers!”

Everyone immediately cheered, whistled, completely happy for you two. Phones were still high up in the air, recording every moment that just happened. But it was okay. Neither of you cared that this would be public news by the morning, because all you two needed was each other.

Later that night, you and Billie were lying down together in the hotel room, everything packed and ready to go home. Her fingers were gently running through your hair, tackling each small knot with her fingers. Your head was gently pressed against her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat.

The adrenaline of the moment had still been running through your mind, taking in every little moment. But nothing mattered. Not in the pure silence of the hotel room, with your fiancé, who still had tears on her cheek. She loved you so much, she just couldn’t help them.

"You make me so happy, baby. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.” Billie said softly, kissing the top of your head, pulling you impossibly closer. “I’ll love you until I drop dead.”

You chuckled at her words, but you didn’t respond with something sassy, because you knew it was true. Billie never lied to you about her love. She would love you until her last heartbeat.

"I love you too, Billie.” ⋆. 𐙚 ̊

a/n: cutest thing I think I’ve ever written thank you anon !! 💗 also can you tell I suck at dialogue

My baby here you goooo @qreatest

[heavensoutofsight]

hello…? HELLO?????

[heavensoutofsight]

୨ৎ roommate!billie headcanons

୨ৎ roommate!billie eilish x fem!reader

୨ৎ genre: fluff, smut.

୨ৎ content: sub top billie if u squint. she's a loser in denial. i love her more than anything no one understands. smut only starts near the end you can easily read the first half without any <3 oral (r receiving), fingering (b receiving)

୨ৎ note: i wanted to write more for my girl <3 roommate billie is everything to me. both billie and r are described to be 20 years old. i fear ur girl is a YAPPER bc how did i write this much for what was meant to be short headcanons. not in the same universe as the roommate billie fic i wrote, but similar vibes i think

୨ৎ wc: 2.5k

picture roommate!billie in uni/college—doing a double degree in music and environmental science/conservation. she’s on the basketball team, one of their star players. 

roommate!billie who you have a pretty dry relationship with for the first week or so, both of you unsure how to break the ice. suddenly, it clicks, and one day the two of you just work. you get used to each others routines, and she leaves breakfast out for you when she has an early morning lecture. it just works. 

over time, you and roommate!billie grow closer. a few weeks in, and she’s calling you anything but your name—pretty, love, baby, doll—anything. it’s like a second language to her, it just comes so naturally. she’s not shy about her hookups, simply sending you a small grin when a pretty cheerleader scampers out of her room, simply shrugging with a wink. 

roommate!billie who adores her degrees, and she’s a bit of a nerd—much to your surprise. the first time you realised that was a few weeks into living with her, when you were eating breakfast together and she just talked, and talked, and talked. she’d learnt something particularly interesting in her conservation class, and she wasn’t even entirely aware of the way she was talking—all starry eyed and stumbling over her words. 

it was honestly the most endearing thing, but roommate!billie definitely didn’t think so when she snapped back to reality. cheeks flushed, she pushed her hair behind her ear and looked away.

“sorry,” she’d muttered, fiddling with her hands.

“no, it’s sweet, i love it.” and you did. you loved her excitement, her passion.

those words only made her blush more, and she’d spent that night with her head buried in her hands, wondering why she’d had to make herself look like such a loser in front of you. 

roommate!billie who loses her train of thought the first time you laugh in her presence—a real laugh. not just a chuckle from her teasing, a real laugh. head thrown back, and from the heart. your shoulders shake and your face lights up, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself. she really, really likes the sound. she feels like an infatuated teenager, not a twenty year old university student—and she has no idea why. she’s dated before, and she’s normally the one dragging these reactions out of girls, not the other way around. 

roommate!billie who doesn’t really know how to handle you saying anything remotely like a compliment. she’s not shy, she doesn’t even know what’s come over her around you. when you let a pet name slip, she’ll be laying in bed thinking about it instead of sleeping. usually, she’s the smooth one who flirts with all the girls, but she seems to be stumbling over her words with you.

roommate!billie is just so infatuated with you, she doesn’t know what to do at this point. she doesn't say anything, but it’s translated in the way you often find dinner left out for you when you get home late, and the way she would always consider you when she runs down to the supermarket to get something in the middle of the week.

roommate!billie who knows your cafe order like the back of her hand. one day when she knew you were stressed about your finals, she visited you in the library, your matcha latte and croissant in hand and a cheesy smile playing on her lips. it was the little things with her. she’d always been big on physical touch, and although there wasn’t much of that in your ‘friendship’, she never missed the chance for your fingers to brush when she passed you something like a cup of coffee.  

roommate!billie who meets your family when they come to visit you for a weekend. you watch her with your younger sister, who’s only seven. she crouches down to talk to her, lets her grab onto her hand and lead her around with her childish giggles, and your sister is obsessed with her, she practically has stars in her eyes. for some reason, you can’t tear your eyes away from the sight, of her being so sweet with your family. 

roommate!billie who comes to terms with her feelings horrendously late. she realises why she’s jealous of your hookups, why she remembers every little thing you tell her, why she cares so much. when did the sight of you in one of her baggy t-shirts making breakfast become so normal, so natural? when did the way you hummed along to music in your headphones become so common that she missed it when you weren’t around? why does she spend nights when you’re away visiting your parents tossing and turning, unable to sleep? because she’s hopelessly in love with you, and she only truly realised after half a year of living with you. 

roommate!billie teammates tease her about you ever since one of them grabbed her phone when she snuck it out to text you in the locker rooms, one of them reciting the text she had typed out and adding their own spin to it before sending it. now, whenever she declines a party or has to leave early, they’re sharing grins and flinging an arm around her shoulder.

“oh, miss billie’s gotta get home to lovergirl?”

“shut up!” she’d hiss, as if you were going to hear their teasing and discover her feelings.

“aww, she’s embarrassed.” 

roommate!billie who melts every time you cook her favourite meal, every time you buy her something that “reminds you of her”, every time you watch her games and wait for her afterwards, even after the crowd is gone. you’re so sweet. she doesn’t know why you’re so sweet to her, but she never wants it to end. 

roommate!billie who doesn’t even notice the way her hookups with the girls on the cheerleading team dwindle, going from multiple a week, to one every two weeks, to none. she doesn’t even realise, she’s too engrossed in you. 

roommate!billie who’s never held back with her feelings, not until you. she was always upfront, always the first to confess—because what was the worst that could happen? but she was terrified of losing you, losing your friendship. she took it painstakingly slow, worried she’d scare you away. 

it’s only when your final exams finish that roommate!billie finally makes her move. after a month of both of you studying like crazy, and the late night talks when one of you was super stressed, it was finished. the two of you went out to a party together, billie shouting you a drink or two as her basketball friends giggled to themselves as they watched. billie had no intention of making any move that evening, but you were too perfect. the way your outfit looked, the way you seemed so free, the way your tongue darted out to absentmindedly lick the side of the glass where the drink spilt. she couldn’t take her eyes off you, trying desperately to ignore the twist in her gut and the way her fingers itch to touch you. 

roommate!billie who isn’t that drunk, but drunk enough to lean into you, her head brushing your shoulder as the two of you sat up at the bar. after a minute, wanting something to distract herself from the feelings swirling in the pit of her stomach, her hand took yours, pulling you to your feet and over to where the crowd was dancing. 

roommate!billie, who, in her drunkenness, allows herself to imagine leaning in to kiss you. she imagines how your lips would feel, how you’d lean into the kiss with your hands finding her hair. shaken back to reality, she tries not to groan at the way your body is pressed against hers, the hand on your hip tightening slightly and making you let out a gasp—breathy, barely noticeable, but there. 

roommate!billie who suddenly isn't imagining kissing you anymore, she actually is. your lips are just as soft as she’d always dreamed, and your perfume is even more intoxicating up close. 

roommate!billie who pulls you flush against her when she feels you kiss back, and your fingers tangle in her hair—just like she’d imagined—and she swears she hears you moan into the kiss. a sweet, mind-altering sound that makes her short circuit. she pulls back, and then it clicks. that wasn’t how she wanted it to go. she didn’t want the first kiss between the two of you to be rushed, in a room full of other drunk people. you’re drunk. she doesn’t want to do this with you—not like this. 

pulling away from you fully, roommate!billie doesn’t expect you to follow her once she leaves the club. grabbing at her arm, you stop her, spinning her around. your eyes lock, and she swallows.

“i–shit, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to—you were just so—fuck—”

“billie.”

“you’re– i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have–” 

“billie. stop.”

she hears you this time, eyes darting up, all soft and apologetic, and you almost melt. you faltered, and she continued.

“i’m sorry i kissed you.”

eyebrow raised, you hum. “that’s a shame, was hoping you'd do it again.”

“i—what?”

roommate!billie who truly had no idea of your feelings. she’d told herself time and time again that you were just being friendly, that you were like this with everyone. but you weren’t, and that’s obvious enough when you pull her in for a second kiss. a second kiss that’s just as much, if not more magical than the first. 

hands dipping slightly under your shirt, roommate!billie pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. a moment later, you pull apart—only slightly. “bils, it’s cold.” you murmur, an almost pathetic whine leaving billie’s lips at the loss of contact. “lets go home.”

at that idea, roommate!billie brightens up a bit. she can handle a car ride without her lips on yours if it means the two of you can be alone—and warm, too. admittedly, it is cold outside in the chill of the night air.

“yeah,” she whispered, “yeah, let’s get you home.”

the moment you’re back in your shared apartment, roommate!billie pulls your shirt over your head and unclasps your bra like a second nature. the two of you are stumbling into a room—you’re pretty sure it’s hers—with soft giggles and breathy whines filling the air. you fall back onto the slightly messy blankets on billie’s bed, and billie freezes. looking down at you on her bed, your chest heaving slightly, lipstick smudged, eyes fixed on her like she’s the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen, and she whimpers.

“fuck, you’re so pretty…”

your lips curl up, and you shift backwards slightly on her bed, laying on your back with your elbows propping you up as you look up at her. “oh, you’re the pretty one.” 

roommate!billie can’t take it anymore, and she reaches for the waistband of your pants, looking at you from between your legs with her pleading blue eyes. “can i…?”“go ahead,” you murmur, and billie does exactly that. unbuttoning your jeans, situating herself between your thighs as she stares at your panties.

“a matching set,” she finally murmurs, eyes flickering up to the bra hanging off your shoulders in the same colour. “you plan this?”

“i can’t lie, i had my hopes.”

at that, roommate!billie has pulled your panties down around your ankles, and she revels in the way your hips jolt up to be closer when she finally slides her tongue between your folds. she glances up at you, that cheeky, cocky grin that you know so well plastered on her lips as her eyes watch your face.

clicking your tongue softly, you lean forward, one hand gently on her shoulder as you push her back down. you don’t speak, but she knows what you’re telling her to do—and it’s then that she realises that she kind of adores when you get bossy. it made her melt, and if she were standing, her knees would have probably buckled beneath her. instead, she simply returned to her rightful place between your legs, hands holding your thighs open as she ate you out, occasionally pausing to leave a gentle kiss or a bite on your inner thighs. she notices every little thing, the way your breath catches, the way your head falls back ever so slightly. every reaction, no matter how miniscule, she sees.

roommate!billie who takes her time with you. she’s been waiting for longer than she can possibly say, and she isn’t rushing this. she wants it to be perfect, this isn’t just a usual hookup to her. this is everything she’s wanted, and she can’t help the eye-rolling thought of you the next morning, limbs tangled up with hers, the marks she’s left littered over your skin as a reminder of her. she can’t help but picture you in another one of her hoodies, your soft giggles as the two of you make breakfast together. 

oh, this is so much more than just a hookup to roommate!billie

roommate!billie who’s somehow moaning just as much as you are as she helps you ride through your orgasm, the sight of your head thrown back and your thighs on either side of her face too much for her. if it were a cartoon, she’d have big red hearts shooting out of her eyes, she’s absolutely whipped. she could gladly spend hours between your legs, eating you out until she fell asleep with her head on your chest.

roommate!billie who watches you as you come down from your high, watching your chest rise and fall and your mouth open in a silent gasp. she watches you with nothing but adoration in her eyes, softer than she’s ever looked at anyone before in her life. 

roommate!billie who can’t help but let out a yelp when you flip her over, straddling her waist and pressing your lips to hers. she kisses back, but her mind is still catching up, filled with a sense of awe at the sight of you on top of her. you moan slightly as you taste yourself on her tongue, and your hands rub soft circles onto her hips as you deepen the kiss.

you pull back, taking in the way her mouth is gaped open and her eyes wide, and you can’t stop the grin that appears on your lips.

“what, think i can’t give as good as i get?” 

within seconds, you’ve pulled her jeans off, and roommate!billie is hopelessly moaning as your fingers push past her underwear and curl inside her. leaning down, you press soft kisses against her inner thighs, moving your fingers precisely inside of her as your tongue darts out to lick at her clit. she cums embarrassingly fast, already so worked up from getting you off, and she lets out the sweetest moan as she watches you bring your drenched fingers to your mouth, tasting her.

you watch the totally awestruck look on her face, leaning in to kiss her lips again before pulling back ever so slightly to whisper against her lips, “you’re so pretty.” 

roommate!billie who, after the two of you clean up in the bathroom, tugs you back to her room. passing you one of her oversized t-shirts, she watches as you pull it over your head and her heart skips a beat at how soft you look wearing her clothes. laying in her bed, she pats the spot beside her, and the second you’re close enough she’s pulled you in, snuggled up to you, head buried in your chest. 

roommate!billie who can’t quite believe her luck when the two of you have a conversation the next morning, all sleepy and domestic, and you agree to her suggestion of a date. two weeks later, you’re her girlfriend. her teammates are sick to death of her being so lovesick, the way she’ll bring you up whenever she possibly can, “oh, my girlfriend-” “me and my girlfriend-” but they’re not really as exasperated as they pretend to be. they’d rather have her being utterly obsessed with you than dealing with her months of desperate pining. she brags about you to anyone who will listen, kisses you in front of everyone after all of her games. 

roommate!billie who is totally, madly in love with you.

୨ৎ tags: @47lake @st0nerlesb0 @n0vabug @darkside-0f-the-sun @asterisk-eyes @amara-eilish @dragoneyelashart @greenbttrflyy @bilswifee @tan1shere @asothinking @ilovealiceosemann @chrissv4mp @lovelyy-moonlight @b1lli3sgirl @giababyyyishereee @bitchesbrokenpromises @foliverfalls @cantlandonmyfeet @too-sapphic-to-function @karaaeilish

[heavensoutofsight]

thank you miss billie for this meal 🙏🏽 (i paused like 50 times to squeal over how adorable she is)

[heavensoutofsight]

being called "babygirl" by billie would heal me i swear to god

[heavensoutofsight]

……👀

“billie…” your soft voice wafted through the halls of your shared home, bouncing off the ceilings and floors, filling the air like the kind of sunbeams you can see.

“billie, my love?” your soft footsteps got closer before the door to billie’s studio creaked open slightly.

she was hard at work at something on the monitor, not turning around at the sound. until you came up behind her, wrapping your arms ever so slowly around her shoulders and sternum. she melted into your half embrace, bringing her own hands up to hold onto your arms.

“hi baby,” you whispered in her ear, making her hum.

“hi angel face,” she leaned up to kiss your cheek softly.

“are you busy right now, my love?” you leaned back enough to look in her eyes, now soft and melty in your presence.

“not really, i was just tweaking a few things. but not for a deadline or anything. what’s up?” she patted her lap, holding your hand as you circled her chair and sat on her lap daintily, legs hanging off the side of the chair.

“i’m about to go shower, if you would like to join me. i got that new body wash you wanted to try while i was out today.”

“i would love to, sweetheart.” she nuzzled her nose on your jaw, basking in your scent; no perfume or lotion or body washes lingering after a long day, just you.

“let me just get out of here real quick, and we can go.”

you leaned back, letting your head rest on her shoulder. watching her quickly save her progress and close out her tabs and programs. once the screen had gone black, she kissed your cheek and scooped you up in her arms bridal style.

“you want me to grab that new candle you bought the other day?”

you nodded against her.

after reaching the bathroom, she softly set you down on the counter, leaving for you a moment with a kiss.

she turned on the water, watching the steam start to curl up towards the ceiling, before throwing in a lavender scented shower steamer.

“may i?” she turned to you, toying with the hem of your top. you smiled and nodded, lifting your arms up so she could remove it.

there was no rush, no lust in anyones eyes, no thirst waiting to be quenched.

she picked you up so she could more comfortably take off your shorts you had on, leaving a few kisses around your knees as she made her way down. she pulled her own tshirt off quick, but you beat her to her basketball shorts. hands on her hips, slowly pushing the shorts down for her.

after standing up, billie popped open your bra from the front before you could realize she did it, letting the dainty lace practically drip off your shoulders.

“cheeky,” you mumbled behind a giggly smirk.

“bub you’ve got goosies,” pointing to the goosebumps rising on your arms.

“m’cold out here,” you giggled.

quick enough, the rest of your clothes were off, and billie was helping you into the shower. she always held the glass door open, and held your hand “in case you slip” she would always say.

the frosted glass closed behind her, and almost immediately she engulfed you in a hug, letting the steamy water warm you two up.

“let’s just stay like this for a while, yeah?” she kissed your jaw.

“yeah.” you snuck your arms around her waist tighter, kissing her collarbone.

[heavensoutofsight]

꩜ YOU WITH ME

୧ ‧₊˚ after having a few stressful weeks, billie ends up comforting you in the best way possible.

pairings & aus. college student!reader x billie eilish

warnings. angst, lots of it. little bit of fluff at the end. mentions of sh (brief), depression, and anxiety. billie being the sweet girl she is. nawt proofread but when do i ever proofread my work…anyways..

gabi’s quick thoughts. hi guys i’m back from the dead! i’ll go back to writing fable but i wanted to take a break for a quick sec !!

word count. 2.7k

“are you okay, love?”

the words always stung more than they usually did. it’s hard to answer a question when you know that your answer is going to be a lie.

the past couple of weeks had been nothing but stressful for you, and against all your wishes, billie noticed right away. it started with a lack of energy and an increase in anxiety, accompanied with shaky hands and uncontrollable, impulsive thoughts.

then, it started showing in the physical. your body was clearly shutting down, succumbing to the exhaustion and weariness that you were being put through. you developed a cold that wouldn’t seem to budge, even with the constant medicine that you were downing and the insane amount of water you were drinking.

you also developed an eye infection from sleeping in your makeup, mascara collected under your baggy eyes, and the dark circles almost made it look like you didn’t have any on at all. the cost of the eyedrops, even with insurance, was insanely expensive, and it was only another thing that was added onto your plate.

you were already working overtime to pay the bills alongside billie, but she had been on tour for weeks, and you had to hold down the majority of the household expenses by yourself. groceries, food, and anything else you wanted to have, it was all on you.

and as if things couldn't get any worse, you were a full-time college student, and had almost no time to enjoy yourself or wind down. you had school in the mornings, work at night, and got off around ten to eleven pm. you’d come home and down a couple drinks, kiss billie goodnight, and do it all over again the next morning. it was never ending.

“did you hear me?”

“huh?” you blink harshly, met with a concerned billie. her iridescent eyes bore into yours with precision, and she tilts her head to the side, almost like she’s confused. you look down at your hands and sigh, spinning your ring around your index finger as you think.

“baby…” she hums, tucking her finger underneath your chin, forcing you to meet eyes with her once again. she’s gentle, but you can tell she’s dripping with worry. her eyes gloss over as she frowns at you, “talk to me.”

you hated those words. talk to me.

you did want to, deep down. but you couldn’t. everything felt so forced with her lately, like even speaking to her was enough to give you a headache. it wasn’t that you were falling out of love with her, per se, but with everything in general. everything in your life felt like it had become a mere force of habit. 

“i’m alright,” you lied straight through your teeth, and billie’s hands landed back in her lap as you said that, ad your eyes returned right back to your own. “i’m honestly just tired.”

that part wasn’t a lie.

you were tired, but not so much physically as you were mentally. every single day felt like a year, and weeks felt like mere minutes. half the time you didn’t know if you were awake or asleep, walking or running, too early or too late. but all you knew is that you were never right on time, never present, never fully relaxed. 

you hated that you were starting to burden billie. she kept her eyes on you like a hawk as best as she could, but you were always away at work or coupled up in your room studying, and she never wanted to add to your stress, so she would leave you be for the most part. but she’d always pop in and bring you snacks that you’d never eat, smoothies that you’d never drink, and pepper you with kisses you could never return. 

everytime she would bring you a snack, you’d chuck it in the trash face-down or place it right back in the pantry. the smoothies were poured straight down the sink as well, and although it killed you to throw away her favors, you couldn’t bring yourself to appreciate them even in the slightest bit. 

you gave your girlfriend a faux smile as you stood up from your spot on the couch, resting the pillow you were clutching back in its designated spot. “i’m gonna go shower.” 

“okay,” she murmurs gently, “do you wanna have ice cream and movie night tonight? you don’t have to, of course— but it’s been months since i’ve really hung out with you.”

you frown, but shake your head no, and billie understands. her eyes linger on you for a second before she nods in response, “i understand.”

you start to walk upstairs without saying anything to her statement. you felt so bad— she missed you, and you missed her too, but the situation was above you at this point. you couldn’t bear to sit alone with her and your thoughts and feelings for too long before you started to spiral. 

and that’s exactly what had happened today. 

it was a saturday, which meant no school, and you finally brought yourself to call out of working, babbling on to your boss about how you had a family emergency and needed to be excused. she, of course, let you off the hook, wishing you well with whatever situation that you had claimed to be entangled with. 

billie had gone out with quen, odessa, finneas and claudia, but not before asking you a thousand times if you were okay with being left alone for the day. you said yes, partially excited that you got some time to be alone, which was what you preferred. 

but the thing was, she never told you how long she would be out for. it was practically the entire day, and you were fine until the sun started to set, when the eerie solitude of the night had hit you. you sat curled up in your shared bed with billie, tears hitting your pillow, mimicking the way the spring rain pelted against your window. 

you didn’t even know why you were crying, you just were. your body felt sluggish, heavy, like it was a physical manifestation of all the pain you were feeling. you cried until your eyes went numb, until your breath hitched and screeched, until time lost its track. 

you got up to wipe your eyes, dragged your feet across the hardwood floors of your townhouse until you brought yourself to the bathroom. you flickered the light on and stood in front of the mirror, eyes boring into your own reflection. you didn’t even recognize yourself. 

your face was puffy, yet low and sulking, almost sickly looking. your eyes were bloodshot and glossy with unrelenting tears, and your body was hunched over and tired. you wiped your eyes with your hoodies sleeve, the one that billie had gifted you when she had come back from tour to take a break. 

your eyes darted to the counter to grab a washcloth, and that’s when they landed on the razor blade that you had left there. 

you swallowed thickly. 

an old habit, of course, but the thoughts that coursed through your head when you saw it felt like a relapse of its own, and it was too much to handle. your lips quivered as you wailed out, dropping to the floor, your hands grasped against the marble counter in front of you. 

you screamed and cried until your voice grew hoarse, and you were so caught up in your emotions that you almost didn’t hear the garage go up. 

billie was home. 

“shit.” you murmured, springing up and slapping your hand against the water faucet, leaning over to splash your face with cool water. you wiped your eyes and grabbed a towel, patting your face dry and throwing it on the counter before flickering the light off and rushing to the couch, where you had just gotten up from. 

and in present time, you looked at yourself in the mirror with such uncertainty that you felt like you were foreign to your own self. you closed the door carefully and sighed, walking over to the shower as you pulled the curtain back and turned the water on. 

you then eyed the counter, and it was like you had tunnel vision. you looked at the blade that had been left there— it had no mouth, but you felt like it was saying something to you. 

your eyes fluttered shut, your breathing beginning to come in unsteady waves, but you tried to fight it, though no avail. your feet felt like they were moving by themselves, pushing you to the grey countertops, until your hands were already reaching out to grab the thin piece of silver, no matter how bad your conscience was telling you no. 

you swallowed hard, but you couldn’t stop yourself. your fingers ventured out slowly, grasping the blade into your palm. you felt your eyes water as you pulled up your sleeves, and—

“hey babe, i think i left my charger in here—“

your eyes opened wide as saucers, dropping the blade immediately and pushing your foot on top of it, but by then, it was already too late. billie dropped her hands by her side, the same way her jaw did, and for a second, neither of you said anything. 

“angel…” she spoke softly, her voice cracking, but she didn’t move. she didn’t know what to do, or anything else to say, so she just gave you a frown that showed nothing but care, yet deep concern. 

“i….i-i wasn’t gonna…” you cried, “i was…”

billie didn’t say anything to you right away. she just stood there, blinking slowly like her brain was still trying to catch up to what she had just walked in on. your bottom lip trembled, and your chest rose and fell in shallow gasps, too fast, too panicked. her charger laid forgotten on the counter.

she stepped forward slowly, like she was too scared to hurt you. 

“can i come closer?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper, but you still heard it. you wiped your eyes with a damp sleeve as you nodded, your gesture so small it was almost imperceptible, but that was all she needed. 

she crossed the distance between you two oh so gently, crouched to the floor in front of you like you were made of glass. her hand ghosted over your knee, and you didn’t flinch away, so she took it as a sign that you wanted her touch. she wasn’t firm, not demanding— just present. and that’s all you needed from her right now.

“talk to me, baby,” she whispered out again, but it sounded different this time. not like pressure, but instead, like a plea. like she was begging to be let in, not to fix you, but to be there with you through it all. her thumb brushed under your eye, catching the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “please. i can’t stand to see you like this.”

you tried to open your mouth but no words came out. just a tiny sob, a sharp breath, and then your whole body gave out. you crumpled forward, into her arms, and she caught you like she always did. her hands wrapped around your back, holding you tight, and her chin rested against your shoulder as you wept. not the quiet kind, either— this was loud and messy and raw, like it has been for the past weeks.

she rocked you gently, murmuring sweet nothings into your ear that you could barely even register. “i’ve got you.” “you’re okay.” “i’m right here.” over and over again. you could feel her tears on your neck too. she was crying— not because of you or the situation, but with you.

“i’m so tired,” you whispered after what felt like forever. your voice was ragged and shaky and barely above a breath, but billie understood, she always did. “i feel like i’m drowning. and i don’t know why. everything just… hurts.”

billie pulled back just enough to look at you. “you don’t have to hold all of this by yourself, baby.” she said softly, “you really don’t. i know i’ve been gone, and i know you’ve been trying so hard to keep everything together, but sweetheart, i see you. and i love you too much to let you go through this alone. i wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.”

you looked away, nearly ashamed, “i didn’t say anything because…well, i-i didn’t want to worry you…”

“too late,” she said with a soft, sad smile, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, “i’ve been worried. but i didn’t wanna push, i know how that feels. but i just thought… maybe if i gave you space, you’d come to me when you were ready. but this?” her hand moved to cup your cheek, “this isn’t something you should ever carry by yourself.”

you stared at her for a moment, eyes brimming again. “i didn’t mean to scare you,” you said, voice breaking again, “i wasn’t gonna— i mean, i don’t think i was—”

“i know,” she interrupted, “i know, angel. it’s okay, i understand.”

she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead, cradling you for a second before she spoke again, “but if the thought’s even crossing your mind, that’s enough reason for us to talk to someone. you know i’m always willing to listen, babe— and y’don’t have to be this strong all the time. you’ve been through so much. and i’m not mad. i just want you to know that i love you. so much.”

you nodded slowly, falling into her again, letting her hold you for as long as you needed it. and honestly, you felt like a part of her needed it, too.

after a long pause, she whispered, “will you let me help you? like really help? we’ll figure this out together, okay? but i need to know you’re not gonna hide this from me anymore. not the tears, not the tired, not the heavy stuff.”

you sniffled, wiped your eyes with your sleeve, and nodded. “okay.”

“okay,” billie echoed your response with a nod. she kissed the side of your head again, breathing you in as she pulled herself closer to you, “let’s get through tonight together, yeah? then we’ll take it one step at a time. i’ll cancel my week, i don’t care. you come first. you always will.”

and although you were unsure of yourself, you let yourself believe her, because you knew that as long as you had her, everything would be alright.

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[heavensoutofsight]

lost cause

masterlist prompt list

warnings: smut, switch!billie, switch!reader, filming, scissoring, oral, masturbation, teasing

synopsis: billie takes an interest in you on the set of the lost cause mv

note: i have literally been imagining this since this mv came out

The set feels like something out of a dream, low haze clinging to the air, stage lights softened through gauzy drapes, everything bathed in smoky indigos and muted silver. It’s all silk and breath and motion, and the center of gravity is that bed, unmade, expansive, draped in layers like it was dressed for sin. The faint throb of the Lost Cause track loops in the background, low and pulsing like blood under skin, syncing perfectly with the damp heat rising beneath your pajamas.

You’re not one of them, not Billie’s regulars, not the close-knit circle of girls always in orbit. You’re just cast for the shoot. Slotted into a slinky set like the rest, laughing, grinding, lip-syncing. Playing a part. But even surrounded by bodies and lights and cameras, you feel her.

Billie dances next to you in a deep blue satin set, robe slipping off one shoulder. Her fingers skim the air near your hip, too close, too purposeful. The eye contact is worse. Heated. Lingering. She’s not subtle, and she’s not trying to be.

You tell yourself it’s work. Just choreography. Just angles. Just lighting. But it’s bullshit and you both know it.

She watches your mouth when you speak. When the camera rolls, she stays near, too near. At one point, she’s behind you on the bed, hands planted in the mattress at your sides, voice just behind your ear as she mouths her own lyrics. Her breath is warmer than the lights.

“You’re good at this,” Billie murmurs, low and close enough that your skin prickles.

You glance back, brow raised, amused. “The dancing?”

Her smirk widens, lazy and predatory. “That too.”

The camera keeps rolling. The girls giggle. Lights flash. Sweat glistens on collarbones and thighs. Her hand rests on your waist a second too long during a take, and your body remembers it even after it’s gone.

Then, “Cut.”

The lights don’t dim, but the spell breaks. Crew members scatter, girls start talking about drinks and rides and afterparties. One by one, they peel off, disappearing into the darkened hallway.

You move to stand, only for her hand to find your waist again, firm, grounding.

You glance down. “What are you…”

“Nuh uh,” she murmurs, voice thick, almost lazy. Her cheek’s pressed into the pillow behind you, her body stretched out across the bed like she owns it, and you.

“I rented this place for the night,” she adds, casual, like she’s mentioning the weather.

Your brow lifts, amused. “Did you?”

“Mmhm.” Her thumb dips just beneath the hem of your top, slow. “Didn’t think anyone’d leave so fast. Especially not you.”

Your breath catches before you smirk, slow and knowing. “You’re not subtle.”

Her eyes drag up your body. “Didn’t try to be.”

The silence now isn’t empty. It’s charged. The kind that hums in your chest and curls low in your belly. Just you, Billie, the bed, still warm from bodies and lights, and the echo of something inevitable.

Your fingers toy with the edge of the sheets. “So what now?”

Billie shifts onto one elbow, gaze locked on yours, voice husky. “Now,” she says, “you take that off.”

A beat. Then you laugh, slow, teasing. “And just give you a show?”

Her mouth brushes your jaw, not quite a kiss. “Only if you want me to film it.”

That hits you like a jolt, liquid heat shooting through your spine. She reaches for her phone, slow and deliberate, but her eyes stay on you.

“You okay with that?”

Your mouth’s already parted when you nod. Your voice would betray how badly you want this. She props her phone on the dresser, angles it toward the bed. The red light blinks. Recording. You climb onto her lap with aching deliberation. Her robe parts beneath you, camisole bunched at her waist, thighs bare and gleaming under the soft haze of stage light. Your own straps are loose now, the silk sliding off your shoulders, nipples visible through the sheer fabric with every breath. You settle your hips over hers, close enough to feel the heat between her legs but not close enough to relieve the tension.

Billie stares up at you, eyes gone heavy. You tilt your head, cocky. “You gonna do something, or just keep staring?”

Her hands trail up your thighs, warm and sure. “You’re on top, baby. You tell me.”

You move, not fast, not desperate, just a slow, testing grind. Your soaked panties catch against the satin of hers, friction sparking through your core.

Her breath stutters. You smile. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

You lean in, teeth brushing her neck. Her groan vibrates through your lips.

“Fuck, you’re hot.”

Your hips roll deeper now, her hands locking on your waist, encouraging every movement without stealing your control. Just the drag of wet silk on silk, heat building slow and excruciating.

Then her voice cuts through the haze, rough and sharp:

“Touch yourself.”

You blink, thrown for a second.

She’s watching you with open hunger, her lips parted, her chest rising quick beneath you. “Right here,” she says. “Like this. I wanna watch.”

One hand braces on her chest, the other slips down. Your fingers slide through soaked fabric, a low moan ripping from your throat as your touch finds home. Her eyes don’t leave yours.

You start slow, circling your clit through the wet cotton, hips still rolling. “Thought you wanted a show.”

Billie’s mouth curves into something wicked. “Keep talking and I’ll flip you over.”

You smirk. “Promises.”

She doesn’t hesitate, her hand shoots up, grabs your wrist, and brings your wet fingers to her mouth. Her lips part. Her tongue drags over your skin like she’s starving.

She sucks two fingers into her mouth, eyes fluttering closed, a low sound vibrating in her throat that goes straight to your core.

“Oh my…”

She’s on you before the words finish, kissing you hard, mouth hot and messy. Her grip tightens on your ass as she flips you onto your back, pressing you into the mattress with the full weight of her body. Her knee drives between your thighs, opening you with ease, settling between them like she’s meant to be there. Her hips grind into yours, no layers left now. Just skin, slick heat, and pressure that makes your breath catch and your eyes flutter.

You both moan into the kiss, helpless.

She kisses down your chest, tongue warm and wet as she drags it between your breasts, sucking a nipple into her mouth and groaning like she’s finally getting what she needed.

You gasp, arching into her. Your thighs tremble.

“Say it,” Billie murmurs, teeth grazing your skin. “Tell me what you want.”

“Your mouth,” you pant. “Please, Billie, fuck. Please.”

That’s all she needs. Her body slips lower, her hands pressing your thighs apart as she lowers between them. Her breath is hot against your pussy. Her tongue slides through your folds, slow and filthy, moaning as she tastes you.

You cry out, hands gripping the sheets. Her mouth works you with lazy precision, like she’s got all the time in the world to ruin you.

“You taste,” she pants between licks, “fuck, you taste so good.”

Your whole body’s tensing, hips grinding against her face. She holds your thighs wide, licks slow when you want fast, fast when you’re begging her to slow. It’s torment, perfect, unbearable torment. When she finally sucks hard around your clit, tongue flicking just right, your orgasm crashes through you like a wave tearing down a dam. You cry out, body jerking, legs locking around her shoulders. She groans into your pussy, devouring everything you give her, not stopping until you’re trembling uncontrollably, tears in your eyes.

Only then does she crawl back up your body, her face slick with you, her mouth sticky and smiling as she kisses you deep, lets you taste yourself on her tongue.

She pulls you into her lap, your limbs limp, your face buried in her neck. The camera is still rolling.

For a long, quiet stretch, you stay like that. Breathless. Tangled. Billie reaches for the phone, taps the screen. The red light dies.

She glances down at you, brushing damp hair from your cheek. “You okay?”

You nod, still dazed, still warm all over.

She kisses your temple. “Wanna shower?”

Your body hums, too soft, too spent. “Later,” you mumble.

Her arms wrap tighter around you. Fingers stroke lazy paths down your spine. Silence again. Just the sound of your breathing. The scent of sweat and sex, thick in the air.

Then Billie grins against your skin, low and smug. “Bet that footage’s better than the music video.”

You giggle, already slipping toward sleep, lulled by the rhythm of her breath and the silk of her body against yours.

The sheets are twisted. The lights are low. And you melt into her, fully, finally. Into the haze. Into the heat. Into Billie.

[heavensoutofsight]

BILLIE EILISH hmhas tour x ZAG arena x Hanover, Germany

[heavensoutofsight]

1 year of this masterpiece 💙

tt creds:cyb3re1lish

[heavensoutofsight]

Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself an: Billie and you try to keep things lowkey on a family trip, but sneaky moments, rising tension, and Billie’s possessive side make that impossible. From steamy close calls to a jealous blow-up at a gas station, things only get hotter - and harder to hide. (3.9k words, smut)

You knew sharing a room was going to be complicated the second you walked into the cabin and saw the bed situation.

“Two queens,” Finneas said, setting down his guitar case with a shrug. “I mean, it's not ideal, but it’s not like we’re strangers.”

Claudia smiled. “We’ll make it work.”

Billie, standing just behind you, let out the smallest sigh. You could feel her hand snake around your waist like a reflex.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, voice low near your ear. “We’ll make it work.”

You glanced back at her, the gleam in her eyes made your stomach flip. You already knew what “make it work” meant to Billie. It meant shared blankets and wandering hands. It meant whispered things under the covers and kisses when she thought no one was listening.

And now, with her brother and his girlfriend three feet away?

This weekend was going to test every bit of Billie’s self-control.

The cabin was cozy, rustic wood walls, creaky floors, windows with fogged-up glass from the cold outside. You all settled in by early evening. Her parents had the master bedroom, and the four of you were left with the guest room: two beds, one small window, and zero privacy.

Dinner was homemade pasta and wine. You laughed, relaxed, played card games. Billie never left your side. She rested her chin on your shoulder while you talked. Tangled your fingers under the table. Kissed your temple when no one was looking.

She was always like this - touchy, clingy, greedy in the softest way.

And you loved it.

But as the night wore on and the wine loosened everyone’s energy, you noticed the way Billie kept glancing toward the bedroom door. Like she was waiting.

It was nearly midnight when the four of you finally crawled into the shared room.

You’d picked the bed near the window. Billie followed you like a shadow.

“Try not to wake the whole house this time,” Finneas teased, fluffing a pillow on the other bed. Claudia turned the TV on, she needed a little noise to fall asleep and everyone was fine with it. Better for Billie, she thought. 

Billie gave him a deadpan look. “You act like I snore.”

Claudia grinned. “Not snoring we’re worried about.”

You covered your face with your hands. “God, can we not?”

Billie just laughed, the low, smug kind of laugh that meant trouble.

You slid under the covers and turned to face the window. Billie followed, pressing close. way too close.

She tucked a cold foot between yours, and you flinched.

“Jesus, Billie-”

“Sorry,” she whispered. “Need you.”

Her hand slipped around your waist. You tensed.

“They’re right there.”

“I know.” Her lips brushed your shoulder. “But I can't sleep unless I’m touching you.”

“You’re literally touching me.”

“I mean like... really touching.”

You bit back a laugh. “You have a problem.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, hand slipping beneath your shirt - just above your hip. “And it’s you.”

For ten full minutes, you tried to lie still. To be good. Billie was quiet behind you, but every few seconds, she’d shift closer. Nudge her nose into your neck. Run her fingers along the curve of your waist. All innocent. Barely.

But you knew her.

This was Billie not being innocent. This was Billie at her limit.

You turned slightly, whispering, “You need to chill.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“I don’t want to,” she hissed back. “You’re warm and soft and right here and I’ve been thinking about this all day and-”

“Billie-”

“Shh,” she said, lips ghosting your ear. “You’re making it worse.”

“You’re the one-”

“Babe.” Her voice dropped, serious now. “I’m trying. But I’m losing.” She said as she was pressing her front to your ass.

You looked over your shoulder and caught her expression in the moonlight.

Desperate. Needy. The kind of look that made you melt.

“I can’t kiss you?” she asked quietly. “Just one?”

“Finneas is awake.”

“No, he’s not.”

You hesitated. Then nodded.

The kiss was slow. Careful. All lips and breath and built-up tension. Her hand cupped your face, thumb stroking your cheek like she was trying to memorize it.

And that would’ve been enough.

But Billie Eilish was not known for stopping.

Her lips dropped to your neck. Soft at first. Then open-mouthed.

Your breath hitched.

“Billie…”

“You taste like sleep and strawberry ChapStick,” she murmured. “I’m losing my mind.”

You shifted closer - maybe without meaning to.

Billie groaned softly and wrapped her leg over yours.

“You’re not helping,” she breathed.

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

She pulled back just enough to look at you, eyes dark.

“Say the word and I’ll stop,” she whispered. “But if you don’t…”

You didn’t say a word.

And that was all Billie needed.

Her mouth was back on yours in an instant - this time deeper, needier, with less patience and more want. Her hand slid under your shirt, fingers warm against your stomach. She pulled you closer, your bodies flush under the thin blankets.

She kissed like she was trying to swallow a moan - like any sound might give you both away.

You clutched the fabric of her stolen oversized shirt, dragging her just a little closer. Her leg was between yours again, this time deliberately, and you sucked in a breath as her thigh pressed between yours.

“Billie,” you whispered against her lips.

“I can’t stop,” she breathed, voice low and wrecked. “I’ve tried.”

Her hand was moving slowly now, trailing up your ribs, memorizing you in the dark. Not hurried. Not frantic. Just achingly intentional.

She kissed along your jaw, your throat. Her fingers ghosted over the underside of your breast, and she paused, waiting.

You didn’t stop her.

You couldn’t.

Everything felt amplified - the warmth of her skin, the sound of Claudia quietly snoring in the next bed, the tension in your own body like a wire pulled taut.

Billie’s breath shook against your neck. “You’re not making it easy for me to behave.”

You whispered, “Do you want me to?”

She froze. Pulled back just enough to look at you in the faint moonlight.

Her expression was half-lust, half-oh my god, I love you so much it’s killing me.

“No,” she said. “I don’t.”

She kissed you again, deeper, her fingers curling gently under the hem of your sleep shirt. It was slow, teasing - like she wanted to undo you a little at a time.

But before either of you could fall too far, a soft cough broke the silence.

You both froze.

Eyes wide. Lips still almost touching.

From the other bed, Finneas shifted.

You held your breath. And then.

“You two good over there?” His voice was groggy. Dry. But unmistakably amused.

Billie didn’t even flinch. She slowly buried her face in your shoulder.

“We’re fine,” she mumbled, muffled.

“Mmm,” Finneas muttered. “Sure.”

Claudia made a sleepy noise and turned over, her hair falling over her face.

Billie didn’t move.

You could feel her biting back laughter - or a scream.

“Kill me,” she whispered into your neck. “Just kill me now.”

You tried not to laugh. “You were not being subtle.”

“I wasn’t trying to be,” she whispered, her hands still around your waist, though now resting completely still. “I was trying not to die from wanting you.”

You leaned back into her, exhaling slowly. “You’ll survive. Barely.”

“Debatable.”

But she didn’t move again. Just held you tighter and whispered things too soft for anyone else to hear.

The next morning, sunlight streamed in through the curtains. Soft, early, too bright for how little sleep you'd gotten.

You blinked awake slowly, still tucked into Billie’s arms. Her legs tangled with yours. Her hand, possessively warm at your waist. Her breath steady, soft against the back of your neck.

You’d shifted away in the night - only slightly. Just enough to not make it obvious what had happened under the covers. Still, the memory of her lips on your skin sent a thrill through you that no amount of cold morning air could erase.

Billie stirred behind you.

“Hmm,” she murmured, voice thick with sleep. “You still here?”

“Nope,” you whispered. “This is my ghost.”

She chuckled, eyes still closed. “Sexy ghost.”

You smiled and rolled over to face her. She looked sleepier than you’d ever seen her. Hair wild, face flushed, mouth slightly parted. And still, somehow, the most beautiful person on the planet.

She reached up lazily to brush your hair back.

“You didn’t run away in the night,” she teased.

“Would’ve been awkward to run away in a cabin full of your family.”

“You love it here.”

You kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you.”

Billie blinked, then grinned, big and sleepy. “That’s illegal. Too cute.”

“I’m turning you in.”

“You already have me,” she whispered.

You barely had time to respond before a knock sounded at the door.

You both flinched.

Then Claudia’s voice filtered in, cheerful and too awake: “Coffee’s on! Pancakes soon!”

You groaned. Billie shoved her head under the pillow.

“No,” she said, voice muffled. “Tell them we’re dead.”

You laughed, sitting up and fixing your shirt. Billie peeked out from under the pillow, watching you stretch.

“You sure you wanna leave this bed?” she asked.

“You sure you wanna risk another middle-of-the-night callout from your brother?”

Billie narrowed her eyes. “If he hadn’t said anything, I would’ve had you whimpering into my mouth.”

You threw a pillow at her. “Shut up and come eat.”

Breakfast was, chaotic. Claudia flipped pancakes like a pro. Finneas made an absurd amount of coffee. Billie sat next to you at the table and refused to keep her hands to herself. knees bumping under the table, pinky hooked with yours, occasionally resting her chin on your shoulder like a bored cat.

Your face was probably on fire. Her parents were somewhere outside, going on a nature walk, you vaguely remembered them saying. Thank god.

Finneas raised an eyebrow at you over his mug.

“You two sleep well?”

Billie didn’t even blink. “Best sleep of my life.”

You kicked her under the table.

He smirked. “Uh-huh.”

Claudia winked at you and you covered your face with your hands.

Later that afternoon, everyone split off. Claudia and Finneas went to the lake to take photos, her parents took the car into town, and suddenly the cabin was quiet.

Too quiet.

You were sitting on the edge of the couch scrolling your phone when Billie flopped down beside you like a weighted blanket. All limbs and heat and lazy need.

“Alone,” she whispered dramatically. “Finally.”

“Don’t start,” you warned.

She leaned into your side, her nose in your neck. “You have no idea what you did to me last night.”

“Pretty sure I do.”

“I dreamed about you,” she whispered. “Like… vividly.”

“Billie-”

“You kept biting your lip,” she said, tracing your collarbone. “I almost woke you up with my mouth. I was so wet.”

You turned to face her, brows raised. “You need therapy.”

“I need you,” she said simply. “Alone. Now.”

You tried to hold firm. “We only have an hour before they’re back.”

“That’s all I need.”

You hesitated, then sighed, throwing your phone aside and climbing into her lap.

Her eyes lit up like Christmas. “Oh, thank god.”

Billie didn’t waste a second.

The moment you slid into her lap, her hands gripped your hips like she couldn’t believe you were real. She leaned up, lips crashing into yours - desperate, greedy, like she was trying to make up for every second she had to hold back.

You moaned softly into her mouth, her fingers already sneaking under the hem of your shirt.

“You’re wearing too much,” she muttered, kissing along your jaw.

“You always say that, baby” you giggle softly into her neck.

“Because it’s always true.” She responds back. 

You let her pull your shirt up just enough to expose your stomach. Her lips followed instantly, leaving a trail of slow, open-mouthed kisses that made your body ache with want.

The cabin was quiet - so dangerously quiet it was thrilling.

No voices.

No footsteps.

Just her. Just this.

Her hands moved up your sides, memorizing you. Her mouth was hot on your neck, her breath ragged.

“You don’t know what you do to me,” she whispered. “Every time you laugh. Every time you walk past me in those tiny shorts. Every time I can’t touch you because we’re not alone…”

You tugged gently at her shirt. “Touch me now.”

Billie’s eyes met yours - dark and hungry.

She leaned in slowly, kissing you deeper than before. Your fingers tangled in her hair, and her hands slipped beneath your shorts.

You gasped. She grinned against your lips. “There’s my girl.”

The couch creaked softly beneath you as you moved together. Her mouth never left yours for long - only enough to whisper things that made your stomach flutter and your thighs clench.

“You’re mine,” she murmured. “All mine princess. ”

You nodded, breathless. “Yes baby, I’m all yours.”

Her hands grew bolder, and soon, you were gasping into her mouth again, her fingers pressing just right, her palm warm against you.

“Billie…”

“Shhh,” she whispered, lips brushing your ear. “Just let go.”

You were close. So close. Her forehead was against yours now, her breath ragged, her voice barely a whisper. Her fingers moving in and out of you, earning a wet sound every time she would move her fingers, which would drive her insane. 

“Come on, baby. Give it to me. I’ve got you-”

Then it happened.

The front door creaked open.

“Guys?” her mom’s voice called from the hallway. “Anyone home?”

You both froze.

Billie’s hand was still in your shorts. Your legs were still wrapped around her waist.

“Oh my god,” you whispered.

“Don’t move,” Billie hissed.

“I have to move!” You whispered, panic filling your voice. 

You scrambled off her like you’d been electrocuted, falling half onto the couch, half onto the floor. Billie’s hair was a mess, face flushed, lips swollen - and she looked like she was two seconds away from (s)creaming.

She grabbed a pillow onto her lap with lightning speed.

And then her mom appeared in the doorway.

“Oh - hey, girls!”

Billie gave the most forced smile you’d ever seen in your life.

“Hi, Mom.”

You sat up, cheeks burning. “Hi, Mrs. O’Connell.”

She walked into the room with a grocery bag in her hand. “Did you two eat lunch yet? I grabbed stuff from the store across the street.”

You and Billie locked eyes.

Neither of you could speak for a second.

“Uh-, yeah,” Billie managed. “We, we had toast.”

You nodded quickly. “And… fruit. Very healthy.”

Her mom smiled. “Good. I’ll be in the kitchen if you get hungry.”

She turned and walked out without another word.

The second the door shut behind her, you and Billie collapsed back onto the couch - Billie groaning dramatically into the pillow.

“I was so close,” she whined. “I saw the light.”

You covered your face. “I think I died a little.”

Billie peeked at you over the pillow. “We’re cursed.”

You laughed, even though your heart was still racing. “You need to learn patience.”

“You need to not be so hot when we’re around people,” she grumbled. “Or I’m gonna get us arrested.”

You reached for her hand, fingers lacing through hers.

“We’ll finish what we started.”

Billie looked at you, eyes dark with promise.

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

She pulled you in slowly and whispered, “You better not fall asleep on me again.”

You smirked. “Only if you wear that black tank top I like.”

She groaned again, falling backward dramatically. “You’re trying to kill me.”

You leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You started it.”

Later the same night, both of you fell asleep before even hitting the pillow with your heads. Breaking the promise you two made to each other. But this time, no one was mad. Just exhausted from the lack of sleep, and sex. You two slept in, had late breakfast with some shared looks, laughter and a little make out session outside in the small garden.

Maggie had planned a road trip in the afternoon. The trip was only supposed to take a few hours. Just a short drive from the cabin to a little coastal town Billie’s mom had picked out for an “extended family day” before heading back to LA.

It started off sweet.

You rode in the backseat of the SUV next to Billie, fingers laced, sharing a playlist, her head on your shoulder half the drive. Finneas and Claudia were in the car behind, and her parents were chatting quietly in the front.

Everything was calm… until the gas station stop.

You stepped inside to grab drinks and snacks while Billie pumped gas, and the moment you walked through the doors, a guy behind the counter did a double-take.

You didn’t think much of it. Small town. Small talk.

“Where you headed?” he asked casually as you picked up a bottle of water.

You smiled politely. “Just passing through.”

He leaned on the counter a little. “That’s a shame. You’re too pretty to be a tourist.”

You laughed awkwardly, putting the bottle down. “I’ll take this and some gum, please.”

“You got a name?” he asked, scanning the items way too slowly.

“Y/N,” you answered before you could stop yourself.

He smiled like he’d won something. “Nice. I’m Connor.”

You forced a polite nod and reached for your wallet. “Cool. That’s $4.50, right?”

“Tell you what - I’ll knock a dollar off if you give me your number.”

You froze.

And then, Billie chose that exact moment to walk in.

She saw you. Saw him. Saw how he was leaning across the counter.

Her face dropped.

You saw it instantly. her whole body going still. Shoulders squared. Jaw tight. Green eyes darkening.

“Y/N,” she said calmly, walking up beside you. “We good?”

Connor looked her up and down with the dumbest smirk. “Whoa, didn’t know you had company. You look familiar, you from here?”

“She’s not company,” Billie said flatly. “She’s mine.”

You turned, placing a gentle hand on Billie’s chest. “It’s fine. I was just leaving.”

But Billie didn’t move.

She stared Connor down like she was daring him to blink.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, grabbing your things and tugging Billie back outside.

Once in the car, Billie didn’t say a word. Not for a full 20 minutes. You glanced over more than once, trying to catch her eye. But she stared out the window, jaw clenched, arms crossed.

Her mom glanced in the rearview mirror. “Everything alright back there?”

“Fine,” Billie muttered.

“Billie,” her mom warned. “Don’t start.”

“I’m not.”

You nudged her leg gently. “Hey.”

She didn’t look at you.

“Billie.”

Still nothing.

Finally, when the SUV stopped outside the restaurant - a pretty, seaside place with patio seating and a “no cell phones” sign on the door, she finally moved.

Grabbed your wrist. Pulled you close.

“Come with me,” she muttered.

Before anyone could ask where you were going, she was dragging you toward the side of the building, past the patio, around a corner, to a private hallway near the restrooms.

She pushed you against the wall and kissed you hard, hands in your hair, chest flush with yours, breath hot and angry.

“Billie- Someone could see us.”

“Do you have any idea what that felt like?” she hissed.

You blinked. “He was just being-”

“He was flirting with you.”

You sighed. “I didn’t flirt back.”

“He asked for your number.”

“I didn’t give it to him!”

She stared at you, breathing hard, eyes wild with jealousy.

“I saw the way he looked at you,” she whispered. “Like you were a free sample.”

You raised an eyebrow. “And what am I? A full-course meal?”

“No,” she growled. “You’re mine. That’s what you are.”

Before you could respond, she grabbed your hand and shoved open the bathroom door.

It was a single-occupancy. thank god. She locked it behind you.

“You’re insane,” you whispered, laughing a little.

Billie walked you backward until you hit the sink. Her mouth was on yours again - more urgent than before. Her hands on your hips, sliding under your shirt with purpose.

“You don’t get it,” she said between kisses. “If my family would not have been outside, I would have punched that clown.” You gasped as her mouth found your throat, sucking a bruise just under your jaw.

“Billie- someone could come-”

“I don’t care.” She says, grabbing your wrist and bringing it between her legs. Your eyes shoot up and you let out a small gasp, as you feel the strap she has been hiding under her baggy pants and oversized shirt literally all day without telling you. 

She then spun you around gently, pushing your hips against the counter. Her hands were already under your skirt, fingers greedy and fast and furious.

“I’m going to remind you,” she whispered against your neck, “why you don’t even look at anyone else.”

“I didn’t!” you gasped.

“Doesn’t matter,” she muttered. “This is mine. Every inch.” She whispers while undoing your pants, letting them down in a rush and then throwing her belt to the ground, bringing the strap to her hand. 

You opened your mouth to respond - but before you could even say a word, her strap was inside of you. Both of you let out a relieving moan. Like you have been waiting to feel her inside of you for so long. Like she has been waiting to feel you around her for so long. You two were desperate for each other. “I want you to look in the mirror, watch be fuck you,” she whispers while thrusting into you with full speed, grinning against your skin.

Everything’s happened so fast, she was so fast, getting faster and deeper within seconds, making you moan non stop. 

“Quiet, baby,” she whispered. “Don’t want them hearing.” Once she made you cum, she was holding you until your body stopped shaking. You both fixed yourselves as far as you could and made it into the restaurant, trying to catch the table with her family. “There they are! It’s been like 20 minutes” Finneas yelled so you could see them and sit down. The tension felt awkward, air thick. It’s like both of you knew, that everyone around that table knew what went down. Billie didn’t care, it’s been a while you have seen her this relaxed and happy. After everyone ordered their food, billie leans in and whispers into your ear, “I like the kick. Next time, it’s next to them” she laughs. 

[heavensoutofsight]

i love this song so much... billie please bring her out of the basement pleaseeee 😭

[heavensoutofsight]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡: billie loses a matching promise ring while performing in new york

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: whole lotta fluff lol

it’s night two at madison square garden. the air buzzes like static, thick with heat and sound and that weird kind of electricity that only happens when twenty thousand people are holding their breath for the same person. billie’s already on stage, her voice floating through the arena like smoke and silk, soft and otherworldly. you’re sitting just above the pit, low enough to feel close but high enough to see the whole thing unfold.

the stage is a riot of color and shadow. deep reds melt into moody blues, lights pulsing in time with the bass that thuds through the floor, through your chest. a giant screen above billie flickers with grainy close-ups: her face lit up in turquoise, hair flowing down her back, eyes wild with that look she gets when she’s fully in it. she moves across the stage like she’s floating, or dreaming, or both.

next to you, finneas is leaned back, nodding his head to the beat. he’s seen her do this a thousand times, but you can tell it’s always magical for him to see his little sister on stage. madison’s on your other side, phone out for a second, catching a few seconds of a song before slipping it back into her lap. she’s singing along, quietly, just under her breath.

the crowd is loud but not in a messy way. it’s this huge, focused kind of love. phones glow like stars all across the arena, thousands of little lights pointed right at her. you keep looking down at her, watching her disappear into the music, and even though you’ve been here before, even though you’ve seen her perform from places like this, it never feels normal. maybe it's the lights or maybe it’s just billie, but there’s something almost sacred about the way she performs, her voice isn’t just something she sings with, but something that lifts people. it’s tender and massive all at once, full of ache and softness.

she’s at the b stage now, way out on the other side of the arena. from where you're sitting, you can barely see her without the screen, just a small figure in the middle of a sea of people. the lights around her are low and golden, soft like candlelight. the music fades out and she steps down from the platform, right into the barricade.

the fans closest to her erupt, hands shooting out, phones shaking in the air. she walks slowly, holding her arms out, letting people touch her hands as she moves. even from across the venue, you can feel the energy shift. everyone’s eyes are locked on her, even people way up in the nosebleeds. it’s like everything narrows down to just her and whoever's lucky enough to reach her.

she then climbs up onto the barricade. the screen above you catches it in sharp detail. her arms out, a group of fans pulling her into a hug. she leans into them, lets them hold her. she’s smiling, big and real. each time, the crowd loses it. people are crying, shouting her name. she keeps letting them in, holding on for just a second longer each time.

but after the third hug, you see it—something changes. her face is still soft, still lit up by the lights, but there’s something just under it. a flicker. barely anything. a look that’s not quite disappointment, but close. you watch as she slips under the stage, weaving her way back up to the main stage.

she sits at the piano, brushing her hair back with one hand, tucking it behind her ear. the lights settle into a soft blue, almost like twilight. she sighs into the mic, not loud, just enough that you catch it.

“okay,” billie says, almost laughing, “before we continue…i’m saying this so nicely, but…”

she pauses, glancing out toward the crowd, toward the far side of the arena. she lifts a hand and points somewhere near the barricade.

“i think somebody might’ve accidentally pulled off my ring when i was over there.”

the crowd stirs, some people boo, others just start murmuring, a mix of confusion and noise. she lets out a little laugh, calming it all down with just her voice.

“i know it was with a love intention,” she says gently, “and most of the time i wouldn’t really mind. but this ring was a gift, and it means so much to me. it was given by a special person, and i’d hate to lose it.”

you’re a little confused listening to her speak until you glance down at your right hand, a silver ring decorates your middle finger. silver, smooth, you and billie’s initials engraved around the band. and that’s when it clicks. she’s not wearing hers. it’s the matching ring. a promise ring you gave it to her months ago.

you feel a small pull in your chest, not mad exactly, just annoyed that someone would even think of taking her possessions in the first place. but then you look at her again, how serious she looked saying it, the way she tried to stay calm but you could hear the worry in her voice which causes you to laugh to yourself. she’s really stressed about it, probably more than she even realizes.

as you’re lost in your own thoughts, she suddenly stands from the piano bench and squints toward the barricade again. her face scrunches slightly, puzzled, and then she starts walking to the left edge of the stage. she crouches a bit, leaning down toward one of the security guards below. you watch her lips move as she says something quickly, motioning with her hands. then—suddenly—her whole face lights up.

she lets out a small cheer, half a laugh into the microphone, and holds something up in the air for the audience to see for just a second before bringing it back to her chest. the crowd erupts the second she lifts the ring. she looks down at it, almost in disbelief.  you can see her mouth a quiet “thank you” to the guard before she skips back toward the piano, slipping the ring back onto her finger before pointing her hand out to the audience, twiddling her fingers to show off her ring.

she’s back at the piano now, the crowd still cheering from the ring like it’s the grand finale. she laughs, brushing her fingers across the keys but not playing yet.

“sorry guys, i know i’m dramatic,” she says into the mic, grinning. “but this is a promise ring that y/n gave me, and i hold it really, really close to my heart.” giving a slight pout while batting her lashes to the audience.

your chest tightens a little in the best way. it was such a small gift, nothing flashy, just something you hoped would mean something. and clearly, it does. the crowd gets even louder at the sound of your name, a wave of noise crashing over the arena.

billie squints, trying to see through the spotlight. her whole face lights up when she finds you. you can’t help but laugh, lifting your hand in a small wave.

“i told you i’d never lose it!” she shouts into the mic.

you, finneas, and madison all laugh at once, shaking your heads. you remember the night you gave it to her, how you half-joked that she was way too forgetful to keep track of it. she blew you off, swore she’d prove you wrong. she blows you a kiss now, dramatic and playful, then immediately drops her hands onto the keys. the first soft chords of ocean eyes fill the air as a red hue takes over your cheeks, looking down at your matching ring.

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫: HIYA!! sorry for the abrupt ending i literally was so lost on how to finish this. i’m so in love with billie’s outfit at msg night 2 LIKE FUCKKKK. i just had to write about it. also SORRY for disappearing for a second, my school finals are coming up and im literally so stressed about it but i only have like 2 1/2 more weeks so im almost there guys. i love u guys sm and don’t worry, i have another fic idea hehe im so excited to share it with u.

[heavensoutofsight]

YEAH FUCK AI

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[heavensoutofsight]

intense loud lesbian sex moans

[heavensoutofsight]

your writing sounds like it fell out of character.ai

idk if this is a compliment or? 😭 but i don't use ai. never have. been writing fanfic for like 10 years and i've been doing just fine without it!