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Scream (1996) //  “ Billy Loomis ”

Dir. Wes Craven

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the original four.

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*realizes how good they were at casting the Riverdale parents*

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maybe scars show your strength

[as soon as i woke up, these words spilled out..]

even at ten years old, i could tell that this wound went deep.. that the scars would always be there.

i can hear the sixth grade boys in the hallway, as i walk behind them from the bathroom to lunch.. “did you hear about the plane crash?”

i can hear my fifth grade teacher’s voice try to remain steady as she tells us.. (all i really recall her saying is that she’d let our parents talk to us about it..) down the hall, my sister’s fourth grade class watched the news.

the rest of school is a blur, until my best friend + i wait at our places in the hallway for our younger siblings to meet up with us. this is how it always was.. but everything felt different. as i quietly wondered with her if my dad would be safe downtown, inside the board of trade, that afternoon, my first grade brother couldn’t stop asking us questions. he could tell something was up, but i tried (+ failed) to quiet him with my teacher’s words.. there was no quick way to make him understand.. “we’ll talk with mom about it when we get home..”

i haven’t watched the footage in years, but i can see the planes and clouds of smoke.. my friend was home sick from school, that morning, + watched it all unfold over her bowl of cereal. a small tv in their kitchen tuned in to the morning news. “mom, it happened again!” “no, honey, it’s a replay..” but it wasn’t..

these were pre-cellphone days, so we didn’t know much about what was going on in chicago, till dad got home from work.. there was so much we didn’t know.. (my mind, my family, my nation).. the hours between my coming through the back door + his felt like days..

i hear myself plead with my mom to turn off the tv. my little heart was broken + i couldn’t bear to see it happening, anymore.. they played the clips over + over + over.

i can see us walking through the doors of my childhood church. the scared, tired eyes of my neighborhood closing to lift it all up to God. desperate prayers for peace + whatever else you say to Him in the most broken mess i could imagine.. i didn’t think about the impending war, the fact that this day would be immortalized in history books. the nightmare day stretched on, endlessly, before me. it was night, now, but it felt like it would never end.

by ten years old, i had been struck by my papa’s sudden passing + the columbine shootings. both are just as vivid heartbreaks in my mind. the brokenness of the world we lived in on full display. i didn’t comprehend it, but i knew that it pained me enough to stay with me.

something was deeply wrong. would we wake up tomorrow with it all behind us? a nightmare..maybe that’s what it was. there was a hurricane of hurt + confusion in my young heart.. why would someone do this?

some see scars as signs of weakness–of what you lost–but to me they’re evidence of what strengthens you.. they tell stories, they tell you that wounds eventually heal. they remind you redemption is possible. that healing does come.. they mark you + stay with you, but they don’t have to define you.

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[ dirt ] emo for always 🖤 this one is forever a part of my being. (note: RK looking up at KM 💕) #morethanmusic #tunestuesday #rustonkelly #dyingstar #favorite #vinyl #music #enneagram4 #emo #heathersturntable https://www.instagram.com/p/BxvOjQdgV3A/?igshid=1q83yin1uesjs

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pretty sure 18 year old me only used facebook to tell the world to vote @kris_allen.. + then he won. : ) nana’s comment made me grin, all over again.. almost 10 years in heaven ♥️♥️♥️ #lessthanthree #2009 in hollywood —> #2017 in chicago #krisallen #americanidol #favorite #music #thecoolestnanaever #missyou #memories #alwaystheboyswiththeguitars #morethanmusic #<3 https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtWYo1hJDP/?igshid=3qvf6v1i6ru1

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[ dirt ] emo for always 🖤 #morethanmusic #rustonkelly #dyingstar #favorite #vinyl #music #enneagram4 #emo #heathersturntable https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtQZq0BA73/?igshid=1slxed1dd2vmp

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team murray is growing, every year! grateful to everyone who walked with +/or supported our family by donating to the @hdsanational — we’re thankful for their research, + hopeful for a cure for huntington’s disease. 🙏🏼 sending love to the fellow families affected by it! ps - if you’re ever at egg harbor, go for the sweet potato skillet! (posting so i remember to order it again 😌🍳🍠 ) #teamhope #hdsa #huntingtonsdisease #teammurray #year4 #thankful (at Naperville Riverwalk Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxqkYuQhKzC/?igshid=1gfiu0ay6ygyj

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this album.. the one my friends + i made up dances to (playing the songs over + over again till we got them down) in our basement, after school. • • • the one my elementary bff themed her 9th birthday after, that fall. i easily recall balloons + gift bags decorated with the iconic album cover. • • • the one that soundtracked a weekend with aunt sally + stace + sammy, as uncle kevin took the older boys on a camping trip. i can close my eyes + still see her driving us to buy craft supplies (endless stickers!) in the white car with the sunroof open as the songs play loudly.. • • • the one we played on repeat (always, but especially) that new year’s eve, as 1999 turned into 2000.. 🎶 • • • the one i still know by heart, no matter how much time goes between listens. • • • the one that’s TWENTY years old, today! [ thank you, BSB. we love you on repeat 🔁 ] 🖤 #morethanmusic #millenium #BSB #backstreetboys #brianisstillmyfavorite #childhood #memories #music #20years #1999 #favorite #soundtrackofmylife https://www.instagram.com/p/BxngLv9B5UE/?igshid=1acv69yp3j4c6

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👋🏼 — spotted a few of my favorite stops in chicago, after daydreaming about escaping winter forever by moving to austin, all week..😌 this new @kjapa @netflix movie gave me some feeeels, (#nostalgia) cause lots of cousin time has gone down in each of these establishments. 😜 + there’s nothing better than chicago summers. kinda refreshing to see “archie” being a typical teenager sans the gargoyle king.. 😬 told yall i needed to detox from the zefron bundy film (loved it—see a few posts back) with rom coms. further suggestions welcome! : ) #chicagolove #recklessrecords #berghoff #smoque #favorites #chicago #lastsummer #romcom #netflix #memories #childhoodmeetspresent (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxlc5A7h_oz/?igshid=ly3es7iq7z8c

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spotted a few of my favorite stops in chicago, after daydreaming about escaping winter forever by moving to austin, all week..😌 this new @kjapa @netflix movie gave me some feeeels, (#nostalgia) cause lots of cousin time has gone down in each of these establishments. 😜 + there’s nothing better than chicago summers. kinda refreshing to see “archie” being a typical teenager sans the gargoyle king.. 😬 told yall i needed to detox from the zefron bundy film (loved it—see a few posts back) with rom coms. further suggestions welcome! : ) #chicagolove #recklessrecords #berghoff #smoque #favorites #chicago #lastsummer #romcom #netflix #memories #childhoodmeetspresent (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxlay1Ph5oP/?igshid=92th929y6gj6

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s e v e n — tickets 🎫 mostly to see a band called the maine.. : ) s e v e n days till the headlining tour named after album number s e v e n. s e v e n is my favorite number + i am ok. Ⓜ️ #morethanmusic #tickettotherockshow #favorites #themaine #8123 https://www.instagram.com/p/BxlDMFaB4qX/?igshid=118gtpbi5kv10

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#tbt may 2009 >> may 2019 ••• an unbelievable TEN years ago, today, my cousin told me about a little band from virginia whose debut album hadn't even been physically released, yet.. ‘losing sleep’ was on iTunes for about a week before you could get it in stores, so ben bought it + made me a mixtape (burned cd featuring the entire album + a few other tracks.. 😆—thanks for reminding me, ipod!). i slid the shiny disc into mom’s car radio as we drove home + my life was never the same. little did i know, this collection of tunes i played every day for at least a year would carry me through so many difficult, amazing, heartbreaking changes in my life. they would bring me new friends who quickly became family.. through all of those shifting seasons for me, as well as the band, remains the same. so thankful for 10 years + millions of memories with you guys! 🖤 #morethanmusic #parachute #sheislove #losingsleep #favorites #theyoungtour #6daysago 🙃 #2009 #TBT #ipodclassic #live #music #young #ohohthememories #cousintime #mixtapes #thanksbenhameen! (at House of Blues Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxi0m9NB66N/?igshid=6t04imh5xf2s

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hello from me + harry + my post-counseling dirty chai (thanks to momma 😍) on this #tunestuesday.. sometimes, you don’t feel better or any more put together when you leave therapy. i’m learning that that’s okay.. an hour every few weeks can’t fix everything. but it helps. talking saves lives.. don’t keep that junk inside, friends! 💕 • just thought you should know i’m still just as obsessed with this album two years later.. : ) • please enjoy the surprised response of a “non-directioner” from the day this magic was born into the world.. 🙃 • every once in awhile, a record comes along that surprises you in a great way. as i put it to my best friend, [on release day].. "oops, i think i like harry's album." THE cameron crowe recently wrote a truly stunning, intriguing rolling stone cover story with styles as the subject.. (the cover that my mom thought featured "a young mick jagger," without a clue about the previous week's SNL sketch, ha). as someone who was never into one direction (sorry, rob sheffield), i likely wouldn't have given this album a shot, but it's everything you wouldn't expect to hear in a "former pop star" solo record. thanks to two of my favorite writers (rob sheffield, who penned the RS review like only he can, + crowe) for encouraging me to see harry for more than the kid from the boy band.. as crowe put it (on the RS music now podcast), "he's a music geek, in the best way.." his love of classic rock shines through, while still capturing a sound all his own. well done, HS. "from the dining table" + "two ghosts" are early favorites.. which i chose just before ryan adams tweeted it. #morethanmusic #harrystyles #music #vinyl #favorite #pop #classicrock #dirtychai #amoebamusic #coffeeandrecords #musicismedicine #counselingismedicine #heathersturntable https://www.instagram.com/p/BxduLUph-QR/?igshid=1kvwrzph7wvum

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when you have to distract yourself after watching @zacefron as ted bundy, cause you’re intrigued by the way they told the story (focused on the psyche from his girlfriend’s perspective—NOT at all a glorification) that you have questions but know from experience that you won’t be able to sleep again if you read/watch anything else.. (ex. high school psychology classes—loved them, but the serial killer stuff sticks 🙅🏻‍♀️) 😳 shoutout to @xohannah87 for keeping my squeamish self from seeing the victim’s photo at the end.. 🙈 gonna be watching rom coms + listening to @parachute’s new album till further notice.. 😬 ps - truly liked the @netflix movie (anything that goes past the horror/usual true crime stuff into a message—trust, charm + social justice..) zac + lilly collins are fantastic + if i had to learn anything about the whole bundy thing, i’m glad it was in this format with the great joe berlinger at the helm.. #morethanmusic #parachute #theyoungtour #live #music #zacefron 😝#lovespsycologybuthasaweakstomach #extremelywickedshockinglyevilandvile (at House of Blues Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxbKs3IBdax/?igshid=1cuxtdjlc2z1e

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to my coffee date // voice of reason // prayer warrior // gym buddy // constant encouragement // the only one i really wanna see on a hard day.. i'm so glad God gave you to me. i'm even more glad that you still want me. you love more fiercely than anyone i know + you truly have the sweetest soul. every minute i'm around you teaches me to be better. you've been by my side more times than i can possibly count + i would be so very lost without your bright light. whenever you feel alone, i got you, cute momma! it's a privilege to be loved by you. 💙 as i get older, i realize that being a mom, + especially being our mom, is the hardest thing that anyone can/will ever do. thank you for loving us like Jesus does + for making it look a heck of a lot easier than it actually is.. you deserve to be celebrated all day, every day. i am who i am because you are who you are. 🙏🏼 #cutemomma #thankful #stillneedmymomma #always #loveher #bestmomever #happymothersday #Godgavemeyou #😘 https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXTTnIhT5S/?igshid=uj50hq1hgqb2

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call my momma for all your concert photography needs 😌🎶♥️🎷 📸: @juleswmurray0420 #morethanmusic #parachute #theyoungtour #live #music #chicago #houseofblues #heathers2019showseries (at House of Blues Chicago) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxVgc1ohrYB/?igshid=1gakmzxaldf9h