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[hellagoddessenergy]

Awakening to Feeling "What I Want is Possible" (3 of 5)

Part III - Energy goes where attention flows 

Where I place my attention, is where my energy is going. My beautiful mind is well intentioned, and is always looking for your highest good.

Life is happening FOR me, not TO me. 

My mind understands that whatever I spend time on, I want more of.

My mind works similarly to an algorithm: If I’m spending time and energy looking at puppies and kitties on instagram, I’m going to see puppies and kitties on my feed and on my for you page.

If I’m spending my time thinking about how broke I am, how unlucky I am… my mind is going to be looking for ALL the ways to reinforce that idea… 

An unexpected bill that is due today. 

A flat tire because I ran over a nail. 

That cute guy doesn’t text me back. 

Everywhere I look because my mind is searching for the best way to reinforce those beliefs. 

Now, it might seem like my mind is working against me, is my own worst enemy… 

The thing is… my mind doesn’t comprehend what I want and what I don’t; only what I spend energy on. Only on what I have been programmed to believe to be true. 

It is when I choose to REROUTE my thoughts as they enter my mind that my mind begins showing me more of what I do want. 

I INTERVENE when I notice that I’m believing the story that I’m not good enough and never will be. 

I say instead: “I’m more than good enough. I am HERE for a reason. I exist for a reason. I am not like anyone else and I LOVE THAT ABOUT ME.” 

I DON’T DO worthlessness

I DON’T DO low self-esteem

I DON'T DO beliefs that do not serve me

This takes time and repetition. You’ve been thinking this way for your whole life up until this point, so it makes sense that it won’t change with one rep. 

Just like you won’t get abs after one crunch. 

Just like the algorithm won’t shift completely after you search “guinea pigs” one time. 

This is an IDENTITY shift. This is a change about who you BELIEVE that you are. 

[hellagoddessenergy]

Quick Awakening to Feeling “What I Want is Possible”

Part II: Inner vs. Outer World

I’m thinking that the more I appreciate, the more it appreciates.

It makes sense that what I focus on, increases.

I’m thinking that what I focus on increases.

It makes sense that what I focus on, must be read as valuable, by mind.

It makes sense that because mind is well intentioned, it will increase anything I give energy to.

It makes sense that what I give energy to would be read as valuable, and thereby attracts more of what I value.

My energy is my currency.

I only have so much to give. It makes sense that I would have to give at least, some to myself.

It makes sense that the more I give energy to myself, the more energy I generate.

It makes sense that when I focus on myself, my mind reads it as “I’m valuable”, and therefore attracting more value to me.

I’m thinking if I’m more intentional, more aware, of where I’m spending my currency, my mind will take me exactly where I’m headed.

I’m thinking that… I want to feel confident, untethered, and happy, when I walk into a room… I want this desire to manifest as feeling confident, untethered, and happy… I’m thinking that I can cause this feeling, by thinking of something I have that already makes me feel this way, and visualize my desire, pairing it together to show my mind my command. To make it loud and clear that this is my desire and transmute it to my mind in a language it understands.

When’s a time in my life where I felt confident? I’m thinking that the girls who I’ve seen very confident would feel like a badass. Untouchable. The world in her hands. Powerful. I’m thinking about a specific time when I experienced those emotions. Everything was right about my fit, makeup, hair. I’m thinking about the swell in my heart and the smile on my face when I think about my desire as if it is already here. Marrying the desire in my imagination and the emotion I feel knowing it’s mine, is super magic.

I’m thinking my mind is well intentioned. I’m thinking my mind responds well to this language I’m speaking. I’m thinking that because my mind can’t tell the difference between imagined life and reality, that this is the PERFECT recipe to get us on the same page. A loyal, obedient dog. I’m thinking that it’s already mine. This is what I want, this is how I want to feel, this is how I cause that feeling.

I think it’s time to be that girl. I think it’s time I stop indulging in doubt, in fear. I think I’ll invest more time in who I do want to be and aligning with my higher self... because why the fuck not?

I think that it doesn’t really matter whether we are living in a simulation or what’s the purpose of life but rather what’s on my mind every day?

Focusing in and fine tuning my mind to serve me instead of running wild, chasing it down, not understanding why I’m this person who doesn’t feel good. Taming the dog. Domesticating my mind to serve me.

[hellagoddessenergy]

Quick Awakening to Feeling “What I Want is Possible” (1 of 5)

Part One: Awareness

When I think back to who I was at the beginning of my soul awakening journey… I think of someone who was blindly going through life. LOL. Like I literally picture myself with a blindfold on just walking around aimlessly.

Anything and everything that happened in my life affected me internally. What people said, did, or didn’t do, events that did or didn’t happen, all the thoughts that I had swirling around in my mind… I identified with all of it… on a personal level.

I felt victimized by life. I felt like I was at the mercy of how the day unfolded. My mood, thoughts, emotions… all of it was dependent on how my day went.

How disempowering right?

I didn’t understand why it was so difficult to form new habits, to change my life, to get what I wanted.

So I’m over here expecting change and I wasn’t doing anything to cause change. I wanted to be more fit, healthier, make more money, be happier in my relationships, not just with my SO but with my family and friends, feel more fulfillment in life.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying “doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity” before.

I had picked up a book on codependency, because my mood was so incredibly reliant on my boyfriend’s mood, and I discovered the world of personal development. I began to realize that if I wanted a change in my life, that I had to change.

And that started with basic awareness. I had to be aware of what I wanted to change, in order to cause change.

Who was I spending most of my time with? They say that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang out with most.

What did my day-to-day look like? What kind of lifestyle did I lead?

What was my attitude, my perspective, about my work? About money? About my future?

What was I doing because I truly wanted to, because it made me happy and what was I doing out of obligation (i.e. people pleasing)?

The amount of insight these questions gave me was mind blowing… and a little shocking actually. I felt like, wtf have I been doing this whole time?

It was kind of overwhelming, just how much was going on in my life that wasn’t serving me.

I didn’t really know where to go from there. I was like okay so I know what I do like and what I don’t like, what I want more of and what I want less of.. now what? Cause now I’m just feeling lost and afraid of what to do next.

Here’s where the really cool part of awareness comes in: you can separate yourself from your emotions.

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel scared, your ego/subconscious fears change because change typically brings about discomfort, and it wants you to avoid that because it feels unsafe.

Keeping you safe is your ego/subconscious’s only job. This part of your mind is primitive, animalistic. It doesn’t quite understand the whole picture because it thinks similarly to that of a duck. It just views change as unknown, and unknown is threatening because there isn’t any preparation to be done for something unknown.

Here is where you can start with basic awareness: this is a moment of empowerment, instead of disempowerment.

This moment is the beginning of YOUR spiritual awakening, your own healing journey.

Now that you KNOW, now that you have a general idea of what you like in your life and what you don’t, you can begin making micro tweaks in your day to start moving the needle in the direction you want to go.

For example, let’s say you have a goal that you want to get into shape. Summer is coming and you want to feel strong and fit! Typically, after work, you go over to a friend’s house and hang out to watch tv, drink wine, and relax. You feel like you don’t have any time to go the gym during the day. Because you’re an awakening soul and want to move in the direction of your goals, you decide that you leave your friend’s house 20 minutes earlier than you normally would and go to the gym for 10 minutes. It sounds redundant, but this is going to change the way you perceive going to the gym. Here’s why:

When you go out of your way to avoid doing something, your subconscious mind believes it is dangerous, inducing fear, anxiety, and a general “I don’t want to” attitude.

Just as when you go out of your way to do something, your subconscious mind believes it is safe. Think of a smoker… Joe, Joe intentionally stops his daily flow, to go outside (regardless of the weather or temperature), to have a cigarette. He’ll even stay longer at work to make up for all his smoke breaks throughout the day. Now, we are all well aware that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, but Joe’s subconscious perceives this habit as COMPLETELY SAFE because he’s been going out of his way, inconveniencing himself, to smoke cigarettes.

So, applying that logic to the intention of going to the gym for just 10 minutes per day, a completely new, and temporarily inconvenient task for you, eventually, after a few days, you’ll find that you actually want to stay at the gym a bit longer. You start thinking “well I’m here, let’s get some shit done”. And then your friend just starts joining you at the gym, and you guys stop watching tv after work and get shredded after a few months.

All of that could not have possibly happened without your newly discovered awareness.

[hellagoddessenergy]

"You should..."

Do you know what gets me so fired up? When people try to use guilt to get me to do something, to try to impose what would serve them on to me. It’s a form of manipulation lol.

I’m a grown ass woman you really think you’re going to use guilt to get me to do what you want? Are you that naive? You think you’re going to get me to do something by making me feel like a “good girl” for doing the “right thing”? 😂

You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Ok now if mom is guilt tripping you into going to see your grandparents, fine, that’s a different story. You’re aware of the guilt trip, but it doesn’t mean you have to let it get to you. It’s family, and seeing your grandparents shows respect for the people who raised you and I believe in that value.

Being aware of people using guilt, that’s what I’m going for here. Being aware of how powerful guilt can be just in general.

When I talk about “good girl” programming, I’m talking about the sense of right and wrong that I was taught. What I was brought up to believe that I should and shouldn’t do.

When people say “you should…” it implies that there will be external approval (aka “good girl!”) and potentially a reward

As kids, parents use the reward/punishment system to get their children to behave, think, and act in a desirable way.

“If you are a good boy, mommy will give you a candy!”

“If you’re a bad boy, Santa will put you on the naughty list!”

It makes a lot of sense really, adults have a lot of shit going on in their life and having kids is a lot of work, even if they are little angels (which most kids are not).

I’m not saying that I disagree with the notion of using the reward/punishment system. I’m not a parent, I have zero idea how I would deal with my kids behaving in an undesirable way other than to use that system.

What I AM saying, is that I’m aware that I’ve been wired that way. This gives me, and now you, you lucky reader/listener, our power back because now we only do, think, and say things that are in alignment with our own values and intentions.

We only do things because it serves us. We don’t do anything that doesn’t serve our highest good.

And let me define “what serves me”, it’s doing what would be good to do or good to have done. It’s choosing the path that will take me where I want to go. And it’s choosing whatever is going to put me on that trajectory, over, and over and over and over again until I’m there. That’s just fucking manifesting right there lol.

Okay so now that you have this awareness of how guilt can start running your life and make you a resentful ass bitch, you should know that this power you’ve just re-discovered can be dangerous lol

because I know that when I realized this programming about myself and understanding how guilt works, I became ignorant for a second. Selfish. Bratty.

“I’m not doing anything that I don’t want to”

Sometimes when you get your power back you feel like you have to hoard it. It’s okay I get it, when you’ve been feeling powerless for a long time, you never want to experience what it’s like to lose that again. The feeling of not owing anyone anything, the feeling that no one has any control over you, the feeling that you only do things because you want to not because you have to…  it’s liberating as fuck.

The thing with that power is, it was never lost, it was only forgotten, because of the programming.

When I came to this understanding of how guilt works, I stopped going to the gym lol I was like fuck that shit, I don’t want to.

I ate whatever I wanted. I stopped reading. I stopped responding to emails.

Why? Because I felt like I was only doing those things BECAUSE I felt like I SHOULD. Because I felt guilty if I didn’t.

And that wasn’t serving me. Doing things because I feel like “I should” or “I ought to” made me feel like I was living someone else’s life, not my own.

Because the moment I took the “importance” label off, I was able to finally just breathe. I was able to get back to the understanding of what I actually wanted, what was actually valuable to me instead of trying to keep up with the rat race.

Instead of trying to keep up with other people and what THEY were doing, I got REAL clear about what I wanted to be doing.

Are there things in life that I do that I don’t want to all the time?

Fuck yeah there are. The gym. Eating right. Paying my bills.

This isn’t about not doing things that you don’t want to. This is about changing the way you perceive doing things that you’re not necessarily stoked about.

Now you’re doing things that you don’t particularly want to because you know it’s for the highest good. You know that if you don’t pay your bills, the power is going to be shut off. If you don’t go the gym and eat right, you’re going to start feeling like garbage and probably looking like it too. You UNDERSTAND there are consequences to every action (or inaction) and because you’re an adult.

 I used to complain a lot about how hard it was to fit everything in a day. Reading, getting ready, work, exercise, laundry, cleaning, cooking… I’d whine and get all frustrated because I felt like it was this uphill climb constantly.

So when I stopped doing things because of guilt and started doing things because I knew that it would shape how I wanted my life to look like, all of a sudden I had all this energy again.

I stopped focusing on what I thought I HAD to do and started focusing on what I could do everyday to get to what I see my higher self as.

I dropped the attitude of “I’m not doing anything that I don’t want to do” and I started manifesting my life through doing the hard shit and knowing that it would get easier.

You know that getting out of your comfort zone expands your mind, makes you stronger, and things that used to be hard, aren’t so hard anymore because you’ve created all these new neural pathways that have taught your brain that just because you once perceived something as hard, doesn’t mean it ALWAYS will be.

It's like the first time you drove a car. It took a lot of mental energy. Watching for traffic, keeping the speed limit, knowing where you are, turning on your blinker, slowly and precisely stepping on the brake, you’re lucky if you didn’t drive a manual that’s a whole other story.

But now, all of that is AUTOMATIC. A neural pathway was formed because you started driving more and more and because your mind IS WELL INTENTIONED and wants to serve you as best as it can, it doesn’t want you spending all your energy and focus on doing something that you do everyday.

It wants it to be automatic for you so you can use that energy learning how to do other things.

[hellagoddessenergy]

I'm in the MF driver's seat 😎

How is it possible that we can consciously be so clear about a desire, about a goal… and have all these thoughts that aren’t in alignment with what you consciously want pop up uncontrollably?

Why does it feel like we are “our own worst enemy”?

People let us down, say things that hurt us, put us into situations we don’t want to be in… and yet we STILL feel like we are our own worst enemy… like we don’t have a fight in the game at all.

I’ve come to understand that believing that when we fall into the belief, when we become the belief, instead of the believer…

When the belief is in charge, instead of me, being in charge. When the belief is causing something to be true for me instead of ME choosing something to be true for me….

That’s when I’m my own worst enemy. Because I’ve done just that. I’ve succumbed to believing something that breaks me down.

Why do we have those thoughts that make us believe things about ourselves that not only don’t serve us.. they actually make life hell on earth?

Here’s my theory…

We developed our belief systems as kids, we really didn’t develop our conscious minds until we were about 6 years old. So how did we know how to speak and behave?

Monkey see, monkey do, of course.

We believed that what our parents, teachers, older siblings, extended family said and did was how to best survive in this world.

“They must know the best way, because they’ve made it this far”

Remember as a kid believing that your parents were perfect? That they MUST know what they’re doing. It never crossed your mind that they were just humans trying to figure out life the way that THEY were taught, and the way THEIR parents were taught, and so on.

My mother, bless her soul, frequently spoke poorly about her body. She always told my sister and I that we had such cute little bodies, and that she used to have that too when she was younger, before having kids. But that she was just fat now. And she didn’t have any clothes in her closet that she could wear because she was too fat for them. She kept the clothes because she always said that “one day” she’d be able to wear them again when she was skinny. My grandmother did the same thing. I feel like nearly every visit, there was something negative to say about her body and how much she disliked it. How she just wanted to “cut all her belly fat off” so she could be pretty again.

I know that both my mother and my grandmother were well intentioned, and never meant to cause body image issues for me. But my entire life, I’ve had it in my mind that I needed to have a tiny body to be “sexy”. To be pretty.

This is where the “I’m my own worst enemy” narrative comes into play…

The subconscious belief that my body NEEDED to look a certain way to be pretty and sexy put me into survival mode.

You see, your subconscious mind’s job is only to keep you alive. It’s 95% of your brain. It beats your heart, contracts/expands your diaphragm to cause you to breathe, digests your food, extracts nutrients, filters information in that comes in from your senses… all without conscious thought.

So, as life happens, the subconscious mind is constantly scanning for threats. It’s intention in doing so is to compare the present, the current experience, to past experiences to better detect potential threat.

NEED = importance = must happen right now or else

You see, the only thing we really NEED, is to breathe. Is to exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen, to make all the other things in our body happen appropriately.

Obviously, instinctively, we want to be found attractive to find a mate. Instinctively, millions of years ago, we were driven by food, water, and sex (to procreate).

My theory is that because I was brought up with the belief that I must appear a certain way to be perceived as sexy or pretty (and therefore be able to procreate) that I NEEDED to workout and eat a strict healthy diet, avoid alcohol, and stay away from foods that would make me “fat”. That I NEEDED to have the “perfect” body that I envisioned in my head and saw on Instagram.

Believing that I NEEDED something to be a certain way right this second to feel happy with my appearance put me into SURVIVAL mode. My “primitive” mind, believed that we were under threat.

The subconscious doesn’t understand past or future. It understands memories, but can only play them now. Only now.

The mind needs two things.. to attach value or interest to doing something, to believe it would be good to do or good to have done, and the POSSIBILITY of doing it right now.

If you can think of something that you should be, or should have done, but can’t physically do anything about it, the subconscious becomes persistent about you doing something about it. It sends you sensations to try to get you to do something about something that physically cannot be done now. 

If you asked a donkey to imagine a unicorn in the corner of the room, he’d say “where’s unicorn in the corner of the room”?

He can’t imagine.

But you and I have consciousness, we can create blueprints for new York city, do you see many donkey’s creating massive skyscrapers?

No. Because they don’t have a concept of time or planning the future or reflecting on the past.

We as humans, still have this aspect of our mind, the subconscious mind. The primitive mind. Unfortunately for us, it can be worse than useful, because our modern-day life isn’t compatible with having zero sense of time.

You and I are at a pond feeding ducks bread, we see this one duck, he’s very cute and wiggles his little butt a lot and quacks when he’s ready for another piece. You throw him a good piece that he catches but is quickly wrenched away by another duck and swallowed. Our cute duck friend flies off to the middle of the pond.

We go out to him and ask him: “Mr. duck, are you okay? I can’t believe that other duck just ripped that bread right from your mouth!”

and Mr. duck says, “what bread?”

So you’re in a social situation, at a party maybe, and you see a guy that you find extremely attractive. You’re excited, cheeks flushed, thinking of how you can get him to come over and talk to you, and then your belief system pops in for an unwelcome hello to remind you that he probably won’t be interested in you because you don’t have that tiny body that you believe you need to have to be sexy and pretty.

You don’t say hi, you don’t even make eye contact with him. You want to leave, you’re not having fun anymore.

This all sounds like a terrible manifestation of thoughts. But this has been my reality before. I became the belief that I must appear a certain way to be pretty and sexy. My mind attached value and interest to the idea that I must look the way I see myself in my head because I gave it all my attention, energy and focus.

And because the subconscious works similarly to an algorithm, it thinks that because I’m giving it attention, energy, and focus, that it must be of value and interest; thereby adding even MORE emphasis to the belief that I NEED to look this specific way to be perceived as attractive.

My mind started trying to get me to do something about it right that second.

“get sexy”

“get pretty”

It was sending me all these sensations to try to get me to do something about it but there’s nothing to be done. That’s where anxiety comes in for me. That’s where depression comes in for me. That’s where the sense that I’m not good enough, that I’ll never be good enough, comes in.

It’s not because I’m NOT sexy or I’m NOT pretty, I now understand that I’m the only one that can truly define what those words mean for me… it’s because my mind didn’t understand that this belief that I had that I needed to be this thing in order to get this thing that I find interesting (hot guy), it tried to get me to do something about it right then and there when it was not humanly possible.

So, if I’m aware that I don’t actually NEED to do anything about the way my body looks…

and I know that my subconscious mind is only sending me sensations because it wants to cause a behavior because it believes something can be done right now, then I know that I can communicate to my subconscious “I can’t”. There is no possibility.

It sounds way too simple. But it’s true. “I can’t change the way my body appears right now.”

Also, I can be aware that the thought of “I NEED to look this certain way in order to be pretty and sexy” is coming from an old, outdated belief system that is not only FALSE, but is simply not serving my highest good.

I only believe that because that’s all I know. I only believe that because that was the only perspective that I was offered.

You see, the mind is ALWAYS well-intentioned. Always looking for your highest good, to keep you safe and alive.

It’s not that it doesn’t CARE about the way you want to feel, it just only knows what you’re giving energy to. It’s indifferent to what you want to feel.

So, it’s not that your subconscious mind is your worst enemy, it just only knows to give you what you’ve given energy to previously…

It’s all just an experience. It’s all just an experience. It’s all just an experience.

And how I perceived that experience doesn’t have to mean anything permanent. It’s all subject to change and I can change that at any moment.

It’s all just an interpretation of the present moment given your current belief system and what you consciously give energy to.

The habit I broke here was unknowingly giving energy to thoughts that no longer served me, no longer took me in the direction that I’m headed. Thoughts that I know were well intentioned but that I chose to discard because I’m the mother fucking believer. Not the belief.

I’m in the mother fucking driver’s seat.

And my subconscious, primitive mind that holds these belief systems is completely fine with that. It’s indifferent to the role that it plays, its indifferent to where its sitting in the car, honestly. It just needs someone to drive, and you didn’t know how to drive until now. It only receives commands. And you can command it with your intention.