hellybesant

[hellybesant]

Erased the idea of being with him

It was hard

But he made it easy.

[hellybesant]

You see

How this monsoon has been

I've always told myself

I belong to the sky

He cries when I cry

[hellybesant]

I may die tomorrow

And you'll still be ok.

[hellybesant]

I've forgotten :

The faces

The roads

BUT

The blue in my veins,

Will always remember your name.

[hellybesant]

Stop overthinking every word!

When a man is truly invested, you'll not feel like you are the one holding the entire connection.

Because consistency doesn't feel confusing, it feels safe.

You are not building connection - you are managing anxiety.

[hellybesant]

I fear being called coward

When I'm not

When my whole life

All I've done is suffered

Suffering everybody and everything all alone

Surviving this world and my home

But I no longer have strength to face anything anymore

I don't wanna be here for anyone

I'm not able to handle this, I can't

No one is ever going to find the beauty in you

No matter what

And i don't know why but I've been nothing but a curse, just a curse

My whole life

I feel sorry for myself

For not becoming what i always wanted to be.

for hating myself my entire life

And Never being enough.

They don't care about my existence

Even if they do

The soil will get dry

Because the pain is unbearable.

[hellybesant]

Low and bad

Nothing is going as planned

The confidence I pretend wasn't enough today

My sadness within was visible without

All i felt was me slipping down

from the chair to the death crown

And the echoes of raising voices in my head

Were dying to reach me out

I wasn't real

And they were able to catch mee

Exposed and vulnerable

I

had

a thought of red

And smothering myself to death.

[hellybesant]

Hamesa sochti thi ki chahti kya hu?

Bs ek chahne wala.

"Chah ek chahne wale ki"

Today's day was strangely chasing love.

In the eyes of that stranger

Or

In the bed of an uknown

[hellybesant]

"Crimps like hell is screaming,

And the moon is changing its dimension."

— Dec 16, 2021, 00:38, Thu

P.s : Old Notes

[hellybesant]

"You said I've changed,

But how could I be so naive—

To think you'd see me for who I truly am,

And not the shadow of who I used to be?"

[hellybesant]

The castle falls

As the time calls

You try

To cry

No more snow

No more crow

You'll see all the wrongs

And still be quiet.

[hellybesant]

Am I living in uncertainty, or is the uncertainty me?

Certain things have changed,

Or the eyes are turning blue from green.

The story of normal people was never about normal things.

It was actually a strategy to hide all the abnormal beings.

And I’m one of them,

Crossing the limits of normal.

Abnormal crystals I carry within my eyes

Will become emotions to normal beings.

The stories I write without any purpose

Are publishers writing to normal beings.

I’ll feel, and they’ll read,

But it would be writings for normal beings.

My anxiety is not the only freak.

Everyone has a motive and limited time,

And the purpose is flowers spread all over me.

I’m not mad or sad—

I just got a chance.

A chance to cry,

A chance to write,

A pain in disguise.

--- While others chase dreams, I become a canvas for their mourning. Their purpose is life; mine becomes the moment they realize I was gone ---

[hellybesant]

Thank you @ltalra and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!

Folded into diaries

Like a page is meant to be

Written like those secrets

Which smells only when seen

Locked in forever

Like the inks

Could have been us

Walking together

From seen

Till we go unseen.

[hellybesant]

god when will i die!

[hellybesant]

I always carry my dairy

My ongoing novel

Sticky notes

And headphones + pens

Idk what hurry i was in today

I forget both after and.

God forbid i was having a panic attack when I decided to leave the house.

[hellybesant]

Folded into diaries

Like a page is meant to be

Written like those secrets

Which smells only when seen

Locked in forever

Like the inks

Could have been us

Walking together

From seen

Till we go unseen.

[hellybesant]

I really feel like I'll do something bad today

Like hurting myself

Coz I'm hurt but it doesn't hurt

And idk how to feel it

I'm numb, even to the numbness.