helparettaout

[helparettaout]

Hey folks,

Long summer, no puck. How’ve you been? I’ve been absorbing this Southern California heat in a posh fashion.

When not activating supermodel status in the sunshine, my friend Diane and I started practicing how to properly get down to Dustin Penner’s favorite EDM jams during Kings warm-ups this season. It was all going well until — shock! and awe! — Penner signed with the Anaheim Ducks instead.

Which is fine, actually, because it turns out the dance rehearsals weren’t really clicking the way we wanted.

Expectation:

Reality:

So, then we had to think up another way to make the upcoming hockey season more ridiculous for us. The answer: a new blog and podcast.

I told you I’d find a way back to you as the fall rolled around. Hello again, friends.

[helparettaout]

Thank you, Los Angeles.

Hey Retta, 

I'm not a beat reporter, so your girl didn't stay up late to write a wrap-up post about the LA Kings getting eliminated last night. I have a buddy in town, and we had to do important things like talk about how much we love the Kings and figure out if any restaurants near me were still open around midnight.

Mission? Accomplished. There's a thai place. 

Now that I'm rested and have mulled things over a while: I'm obviously sad that Kings couldn't quite repeat, but I also can't think of a better way for an elimination game to go than to have my favorite team tie twice, including that beautiful offensive zone play with seconds left in regulation. To take the number one team in the NHL this season to double overtime when a number of key players from last year's run are playing with injuries this time is amazing. 

I'm proud because Dwight King (#74) scored a goal again after all -- two in these playoffs, even! -- and the last one wasn't an empty-netter. It was a short-handed beauty! 

I'm proud because everyone's favorite Slovenian, Anze Kopitar (#11), showed he can still be a real threat despite rumors that he's also been playing with an injury all playoffs. 

He tied the game on the power play, and then set up that second tie goal ultimately credited to Mike Richards (#10). Richards came back to the lineup in Game 5 despite "concussion-like symptoms" to win face-offs, battle like the tiny monster he is, and keep the Kings buzzing during their longest game in franchise history. 

(Good job, dude. Now go rest your head more, PLEASE.)

My favorite boy Jonathan Quick (#32) gave up a couple unfortunate goals early in the first, but he stayed calm and really tightened it up throughout the rest of the game. 

Overall, he's proven that his outstanding run last postseason wasn't a one-hit wonder situation. This guy is a star for Los Angeles, and I'm so excited to see him continue to prove he's something special. 

Jeff "So Money" Carter (#77) didn't quite manage to get the puck in net, but his hustle throughout last night impressed me from beginning to end. He had some great looks. Rookies Jake Muzzin (#6) and Tyler Toffoli (#73) showed how well the younger guys on roster can step up, too. I have so much respect for everyone on this team. 

So, thanks, LA Kings, for an entertaining, hard-fought effort to defend the Stanley Cup champions title.

Thanks to the LA Kings digital team, specifically Pat Donahue, for indulging and encouraging me with this blog. 

Thanks to every one of my friends, followers, and unexpected supporters here for letting me make corny jokes for a few months and gush about Kings hockey. LA Kings fans are the most entertaining and supportive people I've encountered, and it feels like the best kind of bragging to be able to call myself one. 

And thank you to you, Retta, for letting me take up a little of your time with this blog. I'm glad you came to a Kings game. I'm glad you loved seeing them play. Hopefully you'll keep an eye out for what LA hockey's got going on next season, too. 

It's been real. It's been fun. I'll catch you guys in the fall somehow. If anyone wants to keep up with me and my Kings thoughts during the off-season, follow me on Twitter - @chanelleberlin.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

I've got to collect my thoughts and emotions to really dig into the Kings not going down easy this season, so I'll check in fully in the morning.

For now --  I've watched the amazing play to tie the game with less than 10 seconds left like 50 times already, so you should check it out. Jarret Stoll (#28) beats Chicago on the face-off, and eventually Anze Kopitar (#11) hammers it on net and Mike Richards (#10) is there to deflect it into t the goal. Beautiful.

It's a perfect example of the Kings being a team that just doesn't quit. 

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

I know I've been quiet the last few days. Things have been a little busy. I've had my mind on my money and my money on my mind. Now, the Kings are once again facing elimination, so things are only going to get more tense tonight. I've spent some precious minutes in the grocery store aisle, trying to figure out which kinds of alcohol will help me best. (The whiskey. Yes. I think that'll work.) 

Still -- you should check out this song and video TSN put together to mock that ridiculous puck-over-glass penalty I told you about. It's an ode to all the NHL players who've suffered its consequences. The Kings have both benefitted and been hurt by it in this year's playoffs. 

[Warning: you'll have "ref, kiss my a-a-a-a..." stuck in your head FOREVER.]

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta,

I just want to congratulate you. It's a special time, I've realized, because at this point you probably know more about the LA Kings than the media. Especially the Los Angeles media. What a momentous occasion!

Despite the Kings winning and making the playoffs four seasons in a row now, and even winning the Stanley Cup last year, news outlets can't get it together.

Though, I mean, let's be real: getting the names of players right is really hard.

And, to be fair, the Lakers are really good at hockey in addition to basketball. Plus, one time Mike Richards (#10) met Kobe Bryant, so that's probably how that confusion happened.

It's really, probably not these journalists' fault. Willie Mitchell (#33) hasn't played all season, but I wouldn't put it past him to show up and score a late goal either, like Fox reported. These kinds of mistakes are bound to happen. They're still smart people. It's not like a reliable, commonly known search engine exists to help them out.

Oh.

Oh, goodness. My bad. When I typed "still smart," I meant to go with "just useless."

Last night, NBC announcers added another installment to this ridiculous saga. Mike Richards didn't play a single second of the Kings-Blackhawks game Sunday, but the announcers called Brad Richardson (#15) "Richards" several times. For competent people, I'd extend the benefit of doubt, but when it comes to anyone covering the Kings -- no, they're just terrible.

This is Mike Richards.

This is Brad Richardson.

There are some similarities: They're both Canadians with dark hair. Both tend to play center and shoot left. They were both drafted in 2003. They both have gone by the nickname "Richie," but Richardson has been in LA longer, so when Mike Richards showed up, teammates started calling him "Rick."

Richardson was originally drafted by the Colorado Avalanche and played for that team or their AHL affiliates until 2008. He hasn't played regularly for Los Angeles the past two seasons, but when he does get ice time, he can be a pretty fast guy on the third or fourth line.

Look at that. Way to keep the play alive there and eventually turn it into a nifty go-ahead goal against the Dallas Stars.

So, it's unfair for the media not to even acknowledge his existence correctly. Richardson has struggled in this Chicago series, but so have most of the Kings' forwards so far. Although I guess it doesn't matter, because Richardson could win the Stanley Cup again and the media would still probably not even bother to learn anybody's name.

Ah, well. At least the LA Times correctly tagged this funny picture of Richardson from just before Game 7 against the Sharks so that I could stumble across it.

It's about the small joys, sometimes. 

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

The Kings begin their series against the Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference Final today. I think this round will be even more challenging than the first two, but the Kings have a number of people rooting for them, including teammate Willie Mitchell, who's been out all season with an injury. 

Don't worry. His face is fine.

(Please also note Dwight King's perpetually mildly concerned face in the background. I told you he always looks like that.)

Mitchy's been missed all season, because along with Matt Greene (#2), he's a 6'3" and 208 lb wall on the Kings' blue line. Basically, he's real good at doing this:

And then when the Kings need it, he can even pull one of these:

Kings newcomer Robyn Regehr (#44) has helped to make up for Mitchell's absence in the Kings defense, and he just signed a two-year extension contract with the franchise on Friday. However, some reporters have speculated that Regehr sticking around may mean the Kings expect Mitchell's injury is likely career-ending, which is like taking some good news and then trying to slaughter me with it.

(I didn't make this.)

Not only is Mitchell a well-liked, important presence in the locker room, but he would've been a big asset in this Kings-Blackhawks series, considering his ability to --

This happened while he was still playing with the Vancouver Canucks in 2009. Mitchell took out Jonathan Toews, Blackhawks captain, in a clean open ice hit that stunned the whole arena.

Look at that newborn baby trying to find his way in the world on his own legs for the first time. 

Same, Patrick Kane. Same. It was brutal.

I'm pretty sure Toews suffered a mild concussion thanks to this hit, which is nothing to celebrate, but the hit itself was expertly executed despite those unfortunate results. 

Still, the Kings will have to continue to power through without Mitchell's size on the ice this season. It'll be difficult. The LA boys have to buckle down and grind Chicago's players to keep them off their game. Also, if Drew Doughty (#8) wants to pull out another one of those magic rushes, then he should absolutely feel free. LA will need it against Chicago's fast offense. 

Man, quick, skilled offense matched up against LA's brutal physicality and will? This series is gonna be good. 

[helparettaout]

Kings vs Sharks, 2-1, Game 7

Hey Retta,

This morning I got the chance to join "TYT Sports" host Rick Strom and TYT contributor (and host of Current TV's "The War Room") Michael Shure to talk about the Kings hanging on in Game 7 against the San Jose Sharks. 

I'm turning into a girl on video. Watch out!

Plus, I explain why I'm torn on who I want to win the Detroit Red Wings vs. Chicago Blackhawks series tonight and what I think the Kings need to do to keep being a threat going forward.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

The San Jose Sharks really gave LA a run for their money by taking this series to seven games, but in the end the original California NHL team held it down. It sure feels good to once again be the --

(Credit to @Indiana_Matt for this graphic.)

Way to survive another day, boys. Now, on to the Western Conference Finals!!

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta,

You know when you spend time writing something, and you're happy with it, and then as soon as you go to save, the computer flips out and somehow erases all the work from existence?

You would think I'd be used to technology by now. You'd think I'd remember to save everything a hundred times in approximately 73 places, but a girl never stops figuring out new to make life harder for herself, right? HA HA HA not that I'm bitter about this and tempted destroy my laptop  or anything. 

Goodbye lovingly and painstakingly crafted post. Hello, this. Sorry in advance.

Since they're now facing elimination on Tuesday in Game 7 against the San Jose Sharks, I figure I need to shine a little spotlight on Kings players I haven't officially introduced. You know, before I possibly run out of time this season. 

Let's do this.

It seems like a good idea to start with Colin Fraser (#24) this time, because he's another player who had already known what it was like to win a Stanley Cup before last season's Final. Fraser was part of the Chicago Blackhawks' 2010 Cup-wining roster. He's never been a superstar NHL player, but when he's healthy and focused, he's a reliable 4th line center that gives the Kings depth. During the 2012 playoff run, sports journalists constantly attributed the Kings' success to the team's depth. All four lines could hold off opposition well.

It also helps to have someone with experience, like Fraser, on the same line with younger, less experienced players like Jordan Nolan (#71).

Last season, it was actually Fraser who got the scoring started during the Stanley Cup Final versus the New Jersey Devils, thanks to great hustle from Nolan.

Jordan Nolan was a rookie during the 2011-2012 season. He only notched 2 points (1 goal, 1 assist) but he did a nice job of battling opposing players for the puck, contributing to the Kings' forecheck. This season he's struggled a bit with consistency, but the Kings franchise still believes he's got potential. When he's on, he can come up big in exciting ways. 

Fun fact: his dad, Ted Nolan, is a former NHLer who played for the Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins. No Cups, though. Son bests father on that one.

Another then-rookie who did well for himself last year: Dwight King (#74). He scored 5 postseason goals. Four of them came during the intense Western Conference Final between the LA Kings and the Phoenix Coyotes. He's bounced around between the 2nd and 3rd line some this season, but King has still done a solid job of grinding it out against opposing players to help the Kings' maintain puck possession. 

I hope he had fun last year, though, because now Dwight King is never going to score another goal. 

Okay, okay, it's not quite that dire.

(And that's really just how King's face looks 80 percent of the time anyway. What are you always so concerned about, Kinger??)

He's had some shot attempts during this postseason and has notched a few assists, but for some reason he's been unable to find the back of the net. His best opportunity came during Game 6 vs the Sharks, when a slightly wide shot clanked off the post and peppered feelings of heartbreak on Kings fans back in LA. 

(An actual Kings fan after someone reminds him that three players hit post during Game 6... while he's on Nancy Grace's show, shhh, go with it. ) 

King will probably score again, like, eventually. It would be best if the team somehow found a little luck and got all of its struggling scorers going in Game 7. LA never faced elimination last season, and now it's time to come up big in order to skip along to round 3. 

Yeah, that's about all I got. I warned you about this redo entry.

(I didn't make this gif, but thanks for judging me, Jeff Goldblum.) 

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

Look at Jarret Stoll (#28) back on the ice today! He's still not ready to play with the team again, but that dude pretty much disappeared after Sharks player Raffi Torres knocked him down with a suspension-earning hit to the head. It's good to see him at all. Head coach Darryl Sutter finally confirmed today that Stoll has a brain jury (a concussion, likely). They're following concussion rehab protocol, and though Stoll was on the ice, he's not ready to get back into the playoff games.

One positive, though: he's also not wearing a red "no-contact" jersey.

In NHL team practices, players often wear a variety of colors to signify which players are practicing on the same line, which players are handling defense, etc. Here are the colors that can usually be seen at practices: 

Black

White

Gray

Yellow

Green

Red

The only jersey color that you really don't want to see is that red jersey, which is warn by players recovering from injury who can't yet handle body checks and what not. Kyle Clifford (#13) sustained an injury during this postseason, too, and he was skating in a red "no-contact" jersey for a while. It's a bummer when a player's injured, but the excitement builds when he goes back to a regular practice jersey.

Now, Clifford's back in the line-up and Stoll, though mostly doing some solo skating thus far, seems to be on the mend. 

Hopefully the Kings can play strong and last long enough to see Stollie come back for a future playoff round.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta,

During my drive home from my sister's birthday gathering last night, I had to pull over and meditate on my frustration about the Kings failing it up on the ice against San Jose in Game 4.

(Jim Carey reenacts my overreacting in the San Fernando Valley.)

I thought, "Chanelle, what are you doing? IT'S A GAME," and then I stayed parked for about five more minutes, thinking about every ridiculous choice in my life up to that point and craving ice cream.

The ice cream doesn't have anything to do with anything. I just get a sweet tooth at night sometimes. 

ANYWAY. The Kings have lost twice in a row, and I was real annoyed by last night's loss in particular, but that's not why I'm here today. I'm here because the Kings have the latest installment in people complaining about the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs officiating.

It's become kind of a recurring theme. I figured you might want to know a little bit about what the gripes are for various teams and fans. 

A disallowed goal (or "no-goal" call) happens when a team has apparently scored but the referees wave it off.

Sometimes referees are allowed to consult the video room at the NHL headquarters in Toronto to make sure they get a controversial call right. Sometimes the refs and linesman just have to rely on their own eyes and nothing else. 

(How some fans feel about refs running the show lately.)

Teams and spectators can then take it real personally if they feel referees make the wrong ruling. Here are three controversial disallowed goal calls from the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs so far.

--

1) The Quick Whistle

The Kings were down two early in the second period last night, being thoroughly dominated on the ice until Dustin Penner (#25) beat Sharks goaltender Antti Niemi and scored to bring the Kings the within one.

CELEBRATE. 

Nah, just kidding.

If you watch the video linked above, you can hear how quickly the ref blows the whistle to kill play. (If you listen closely you can also hear the hearts of people in LA break hundreds of miles away.) Niemi initially handles the puck but loses it, and it trickles into the net -- an apparent goal for the Kings.

The problem? With the whistle already blown, nothing that happens after counts, which means no goal. 

Hmm, sound cue jokes don't work as well in gif form, huh? Disappointments all around.

---

2) Goaltender Interference

The Chicago Blackhawks got excited about a super fortunate tying goal against the Detroit Red Wings in Game 3 of their second round series, only to have that elation immediately taken away when Andrew Shaw was called for goaltender interference.

Here's how the NHL officially breaks down Rule 69: Interference on the Goaltender --

An attacking player’s position, whether inside or outside the crease, should not, by itself, determine whether a goal should be allowed or disallowed. In other words, goals scored while attacking players are standing in the crease may, in appropriate circumstances be allowed. Goals should be disallowed only if: (1) an attacking player, either by his positioning or by contact, impairs the goalkeeper’s ability to move freely within his crease or defend his goal; or (2) an attacking player initiates intentional or deliberate contact with a goalkeeper, inside or outside of his goal crease. Incidental contact with a goalkeeper will be permitted, and resulting goals allowed, when such contact is initiated outside of the goal crease, provided the attacking player has made a reasonable effort to avoid such contact. The rule will be enforced exclusively in accordance with the on-ice judgment of the Referee(s), and not by means of video replay or review.

TL;DR the goaltender should be allowed to move freely within his crease (the blue paint) to defend his net. If not, the opposing team runs the risk of jeopardizing a key goal. 

This kind of worked in LA's favor during the regular season.

January 24, 2013. The Edmonton Oilers score to tie it up against the Kings but Sam Gagner basically humping Jonathan Quick's legs all over the ice sees the goal disallowed for goaltender interference.

#NOTSAFEFORWORK

It didn't matter too much in the end, because the Oilers still managed to score a good goal not long after. Rookie Nail Yakupov took a page out of Joe Thornton's book and turned the LA Kings' river of tears into a Slip 'n Slide. 

The Kings franchise are a bunch of trolls too, though, so the next time the Oilers came to Staples, they played Yakupov's slide on the jumbotron each time the Kings scored, this time with an LA Kings crown edited onto his head.

---

3)  Kick-ins 

In round 1 of the playoffs, Ottawa Senators player Mika Zibanejad scored on the Montreal Canadiens goaltender Carey Price, but calling the goal was made difficult because the puck went off Zibanejad's skate. 

Deflections happen all the time in hockey. Pucks bounce off players and into the goal, and it's brutal if it means a goal against a team you like, but thems the breaks. However -- spoiler alert --  hockey is not soccer. If an offensive player straight up goes Cristiano Ronaldo on the puck to get it in net, then refs will wave it off.

Kick-ins can be reviewed using video, so the officials got in touch with Toronto and eventually ruled the goal good. Ottawa partied. 

This call absolutely worked in the Kings' favor during the regular season.

April 13, 2013. The Anaheim Ducks taste and then quickly lose a go-head against the Kings when Bobby Ryan's goal is disallowed for being kicked into the net. 

Hey, Bobby, how did you feel about this?

Oh. Oh, my. 

See, Retta, it almost doesn't matter what call the refs make. One side is always going to lose out, and it's absolutely frustrating when that means untimely penalties or disallowing crucial goals. During the playoffs, it feels especially gutting, but it happens all season long, and there's always just the one thing people can do -- move on.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

Full disclosure: I was born in Chicago and saw plenty of games during both of the Bulls 1990s "three-peat" runs before my family moved to LA, so to see winningest retired (for now) NBA coach Phil Jackson tuning in for the LA Kings playoff series Saturday night and having opinions was crazy for me.

I probably shouldn't be surprised when well-known people I recognize also pay attention to my favorite hockey team -- a) this is LA and I'm used to celebrities living in the same world that I do, considering b) the entire foundation upon which this blog is built -- BUT I AM.

It's not even that recognizable folks know Kings hockey exists that surprises me. It's that a number of them get just as invested as I do. I mean, check out your boy Colin Hanks' vine during game 3.

We were both at parties, trying to be social but also being obsessive. That that's hockey fan life. 

No big deal, but Matthew Perry threw a Stanley Cup party for Anze Kopitar (#11) because he was so excited about the Kings winning last season and also because he loooooves Anze Kopitar. He loves the Kings so much that during the first round of this year's playoffs, he stopped in St. Louis to watch the Kings play a road game on his way back to LA from New York. 

I showed you one other picture from this day in the first post for this blog, but they're all beyond amazing, so here's another gem. Seriously -- Cuba Gooding, Jr. hurling himself against the glass to taunt Devils players? Majestic.

He's been into the Kings for years, though, going to games and participating in events like Luc Robitaille's celebrity shootout.

Actor and writer Wil Wheaton is such a big Kings fans that he's developed this whole #TeamHorseHead mask thing where he puts on a horse head to rally for the team. 

No, really. It's a whole thing. He even came to Staples Center with it when he took over the Twitter account. 

Alyssa Milano's an LA Kings season ticket holder and constantly pulls for the team via Twitter. She also had an opportunity to take over the official Kings twitter during one of the games. 

Colin Hanks' dad (you may have heard of him) caught on dance cam at a Kings game with Rita Wilson. They also ended up on the kiss cam at least once. 

I don't really know a whole lot about Five for Fighting as a band other than their band name is named for a hockey penalty. Singer John Ondrasik chose it, in part, as a tribute to former Kings player Marty McSorley. Last year, he even got to write blog posts for the Kings website. Check out his last post, where he thanks each Kings player on the 2012 Cup-winning roster.

The only thing bad about Zac Efron being at Kings games regularly is that he apparently still associates with Phoenix Coyote fans like it's no big deal. 

I'm pretty sure everybody predicted back in 1983 that Ponyboy would one day be down with that many exclamation points and a serious use of "OMFG." See what the Kings bring out in people??

Mother effin' actual superhero Oliver Queen, aka Green Arrow, loves the Kings! Last year, actor Stephen Amell was at the last game of the Stanley Cup Final, saw the Kings win the Stanley Cup, and then was one of those people who post their own YouTube video immortalizing the final seconds.

Alexander Skarsgard is allegedly a regular Kings game attendee, but this is the only picture of him I've really ever seen at the game. He and Ellen Page look mad stressed, though, so I'll believe they really care.

First picture: David Boreanaz congratulating Dustin "Pancakes" Penner (#25). Second picture: Boreanaz about to make out with a fellow dude Kings fan or something.

That's right, Angel the vampire loves the LA Kings!! He's a Philadelphia Flyers fan as well, and I assume because Philly has dished so many players to LA over the years, he's grown to dig California's dopest team, too.

Handsome recently retired soccer player David Beckham goes to Kings games often, and here he's been charged with protecting a tiny Jonathan Quick jersey, so one of his sons has great taste. 

Actor Kevin Connolly (with Amanda Seyfried here) is so dedicated to Kings hockey that he was a guest coach for an LA vs Anaheim charity game during the lockout in the fall.

Of course goaltender Jonathan Quick (#32) couldn't let an opportunity to troll Connolly just float on by.

Finally -- I actually have no idea if John Legend is a Kings fan, but he hung out with Jarret Stoll (#28) on New Years, so that's got to count for something, right? 

Anyway, mingle with all these people or something, Retta. They will fully understand the stress emotions you go through loving the Kings. Also, they will probably throw more awesome parties if they work hard and pull off a repeat this year, which is also important. 

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

The LA Kings are in San Jose Sharks territory for the next two games, and the Sharks are out for revenge after having Game 2 stolen from them. They were horrifically robbed on Thursday night, I can't lie. The Kings scored two goals within 22 seconds to take away the Sharks' 3-2 lead and win the game 4-3. 

First, Captain "Toothless" Dustin Brown (#23) capitalizes on a Mike Richards (#10) shot to tie it up.

Next, rookie Tyler Toffoli (#73) holds off a Sharks player to get a quality shot on goal and Trevor Lewis (#22) swipes the rebound into the open net.

This was amazing for Kings fans like myself. (I threw up my arms in the middle of a birthday party at an LA bar and cheered with each goal called on Twitter.) It was brutal for Sharks fans, because both of those goals were made possible thanks to late power play time, including a 5-on-3 situation after San Jose broke what a lot of hockey fans consider one of the dumbest rules in the sport. Sharks player Marc-Edouard Vlasic took a delay-of-game minor penalty for deflecting the puck over the glass in the defensive zone. 

1) Delaying the Game: Puck Over Glass

When any player, while in his defending zone, shoots or bats (using his hand or his stick) the puck directly (non-deflected) out of the playing surface, except where there is no glass, a penalty shall be assessed for delaying the game. When the puck is shot into the players’ bench, the penalty will not apply. When the puck is shot over the glass ‘behind’ the players’ bench, the penalty will be assessed.

This is the penalty that cost the Sharks the tying goal last night. During a Kings power play, Vlasic tried to clear the zone but instead lifted the puck over the glass. 

Vlasic seemed to argue that the puck deflected off of Jeff Carter (#77), which would've prevented it from being a minor penalty, but the refs disagreed. 

Why this penalty is stupid: It's supposed to discourage players from using deliberate stoppage tactics to prevent scoring chances and, thus, speed up the game. But then any time this is called, the game is stopped while the player heads to the box and a face-off it set-up anyway. Also, many argue players deliberately delaying the game that way was never a problem in the first place. 

2) Hand Pass

A player shall be permitted to stop or “bat” a puck in the air with his open hand, or push it along the ice with his hand, and the play shall not be stopped unless, in the opinion of the Referee, he has directed the puck to a teammate. A player shall be permitted to catch the puck out of the air but must immediately place it or knock it down to the ice. If he catches it and skates with it, either to avoid a check or to gain a territorial advantage over his opponent, a minor penalty shall be assessed for “closing his hand on the puck.”

This penalty is new. Previously, hand passes to teammates were banned in every zone on the ice except the defensive zone, particularly during defensive zone face-offs. The rule change this years forbids hand passes to teammates everywhere on the ice. That's fine. At this point, I'm mostly like -- details, details, you know? Stoppage of play, new face-off, whatever.

But they also added the minor penalty.

Why this rule is stupid:  Everywhere else on the ice, a hand pass call simply stops play and forces a face-off if it happens anywhere outside of the defensive zone. Adding the minor penalty for the defensive zone seems like an overreaction that only highlights how the real point of this rule is to increase offensive play and chances for goals scored.

3) Too Many Men on the Ice

Players may be changed at any time during the play from the players’ bench provided that the player or players leaving the ice shall be within five feet (5') of his players’ bench and out of the play before the change is made. At the discretion of the on-ice officials, should a substituting player come onto the ice before his teammate is within the five foot (5’) limit of the players’ bench (and therefore clearly causing his team to have too many players on the ice), then a bench minor penalty may be assessed.

THIS IS MY LEAST FAVORITE PENALTY CALL. I think it's dumb when teams take it, and I think it's dumb that it exists. I can't even be funny about it, because I find it more idiotic than Carl's Jr fast food commercials where gorgeous women nearly have sex with charbroiled sandwiches. 

(My sympathies to the actual men and women in the world less likely to get laid than that patty melt.)

Why this penalty is stupid: It's another instance that should only result in stoppage of play and a new face-off. Instead, if a player gets caught being a little hasty, it's a minor penalty and the specialty teams come out for the penalty kill.

The Kings took a 'Too Many Men' penalty in each of their first three playoff games against the St. Louis Blues this year, and it was completely pee wee league of them every time.

Their first 'Too Many Men' penalty even allowed the Blues to open the scoring for the series. 

I'm slightly more annoyed with teams who screw this up than the rule itself, because a line change is like the easiest the part of the game or so you would think.

Anyway, maybe if we're lucky tonight, the Kings will be on their best game and trounce the Sharks in a wonderfully dominant fashion. That way Sharks fans and players don't have to waste precious energy talking about how they deserved to win the game more.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta,

I was so happy to see that you tuned into part of the game last night. 1) It was a great effort by the Kings, considering San Jose was unstoppable during their first round series, and 2) the descent into overwhelming fan excitement is my favorite thing to watch, and it's great that you've taken to the Kings. Excuse me while I hold my hand to my chest and joyfully boohoo.

Though, I realized that if you only got to see the 3rd period, then you missed my favorite play of the night -- the Kings' first goal from Slava Voynov (#26).

MMPH.

I need a moment.

Okay.

I'm alive.

Everything about this is delicious. Huge props to tiny monster Mike Richards (#10) for making this possible. The Kings initially lost the face-off, but Richie bolted around Sharks players to control the puck anyway. He battled back against an opposing defenseman to send a short pass, perfectly placed for Voynov to stride in and push deeper into the offensive zone. 

Voynov holds on long enough to snap off a clean shot through traffic and scores with 12 seconds left in the first period. 

Definitely go back and check that goal out, along with Voynov's other laser to help put the Kings up 2-0 in the second period. That goal was credited to Mike Richards, because it deflected off his body to finally head into the net. Those two were clearly unbeatable last night. 

Thank goodness you got to see another important part of the game in action:

Actual Superhero Jonathan Quick (#32) was holding it down between the pipes. This 3rd period save to help keep San Jose off the board and eventually lead to his second shutout win during the playoffs had me on my feet.

Also -- more props to Mike Richards for taking a penalty that was well worth it to prevent the first shot attempt from Sharks player Scott Gomez.  

But here's how Quickie feels about the game last night:

THIS GUY. Eyes on the prize. I mean, it's a completely fair comment. The Kings' play was a lot more dominating last night that it was against St. Louis during much of the first round, but they still need 3 more wins to advance to round 3, and San Jose was still about to outshoot the Kings 35-18 overall. So, there's always room to improve, but COME ON, QUICK.  

Although, if last night is still the Kings warming up... Wow. Can you imagine what they'll look like when they really get it popping? 

[helparettaout]

Sometimes when I day drink, I start talking about hockey and then shout "HEY, WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR ME?" at people I've just met. This is what happened with Abby, a neuroscientist I met a couple hours before Game 3. She lives in the San Diego area and cheers for the Kings over the Ducks, so I trust her knowledge.

At one point we started talking about brain injuries. Being a smart, fancy scientist, Abby actually has more to add to the conversation than "So, brain damage, am I right???" and "Memento" references, my go-tos.

Since concussions are a recurring thing in hockey -- Mike Richards (#10) missed 8 games because of a concussion just last season --  and other major sports and the focus of some major lawsuits, I asked (shouted at) Abby to break down those brain problems a little bit. 

Find Abby here: @Threonine12. Read about the possible effect of head injury: below. Wear helmets: everywhere apparently.

---

Hey Retta!

I heard you attended your first hockey game, which is clearly a victory for both you and hockey! I think you’re ready for Hockey Fan 201: The Advanced Course.

You may have noticed while watching hockey that sometimes things (pucks, sticks, walls, other human beings) come in contact with hockey players’ heads very, very hard. Perhaps you thought to yourself, “Ouch” or “Shit” or “Fuck you, leave Rob Scuderi alone! He is indispensable.”

These collisions are why one of hockey fans’ favorite things to flip out over (lately) is concussions. 

Well, in order to do explain them we turn to Primary Literature – which I am qualified (marginally) to guide you through, because once upon a time, I somehow convinced a committee of very smart people to give me a piece of paper that lets me put fancy letters after my name.

Not, mind you, the kind of letters that qualify me to actually help anyone, but rather the kind of letters that allow me to study things that might help someone someday. Because, seriously, if you could pick between these two job descriptions:

a. Spend all day trying to help people with incurable, degenerative conditions that give them an unpredictable and depressing array of mental, emotional, and physical problems. 

OR

b. Stab things in the head and see what happens.

It’s totally B, right? Right. Also, Jo Innes on The Backhand Shelf has already got you really well covered on the MD front.

So, we scientists generally publish our findings in journal articles. Take for example, this one:

(Why yes, it DOES take a lot of people to publish a single journal article.)

Oh god, did you just die a little? That’s fine, I totally did too. Here’s what that title should really say: “Taking Pictures of Effed Up Brains while Football Players Are Still Alive: What We Have Discovered So Far”

See, that’s not so bad. Also, this article has a high picture : math ratio, so we should be golden.

Okay. So what’s the big deal? Well, it turns out that being hit in the head repetitively can lead to problems like being sad, memory loss, and difficulty with pretty clutch actions like balancing and walking. We shall sum these symptoms up under the term “chronic traumatic encephalopathy” which is code for “brain-swelly badness due to being hit in the head that takes a long time to develop” but because that’s sort of mouthful, let’s call it CTE.

(Brain pictures! Hint: more red = more bad stuff.)

Being hit in the head over and over again ALSO seems to lead to a buildup of a protein called tau in your brain cells. I should say – before I get myself into trouble – that the science of how this works is very much still up for debate, but one popular theory is that basically your brain cells are like your shitty roommate who for whatever reason just will not take out the trash, and instead lets it pile up in the corners of the room, until it’s almost impossible to do anything.

Does this buildup cause CTE? Does CTE cause this protein buildup? WHO CAN SAY.

Seriously. We don’t know.

One of the problems is that until recently, the only way to tell if someone had tau buildup in their brain was to pop their brain out of their body, cut it up into little pieces and stain it with special markers that detect tau.

In case it’s unclear: you’d have to be really, really dead for that to work.

That’s what’s so cool about this article. They use PET scanning – you know on doctor TV shows when they go inside the big tube?

Okay, not like that. PET scanning take pictures of the living brain. And scientists invented a chemical:

2-(1-{6-[2-[F-18]fluroethyl)(methyl)amino]-2-naphthyl}ethylidene)malononitrile

That lets you see tau in the brain pictures. (Just looking at that name makes me want to vomit, let’s just skip what it is move straight to: Hey, that’s really cool!)

It’s not going to cure CTE, but it is going to tell us more about when and how athletes develop these piles of bad gunk in their brains, and possibly more about what’s actually going wrong with the cells to cause such buildup. Which is pretty badass, if I do say so myself.

So now, when people are having more endless, pointless discussions about whether Concussions Are Ruining Hockey – you will at least have something interesting to contribute, yes?

Good luck! Go Kings**!

---

*Small, G.W. et al. 2013. PET Scanning of Brain Tau in Retired National Football League Players: Preliminary Findings. Am J Geriatr Psych. 21:2.

** Attn Kings: Please do not get concussed! Please wear your helmets, yes – even during warmups! This means you, Jeff Carter!

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

Since the LA Kings successfully eliminated the Blues, round two tickets start selling today! A lot of fans were hoping for the first-ever "Freeway Face-Off" Stanley Cup Playoffs series, but the Anaheim Ducks crapped the bed and let the Detroit Red Wings knock them out of the playoffs last night. 

Now the Kings have to face the San Jose Sharks. Kings fans are kind of worried, because when LA and San Jose last met in the 2011 playoffs, the Sharks beat the Kings. Their captain Joe Thornton rubbed it in by sliding all around the ice like a kid in a candy store.

Ugh, is there anything worse than a grown-ass 31-year-old (at the time), 6'4" man dragging salt all up and down your fresh playoffs wounds? 

For example: 

Slava Voynov (#26) scored not one but two game-winning goals during the Kings-Blues series. I showed you one already, but here's his overtime beauty from game 5.

EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME, VOYNOV. Major props to Justin Williams (#14) and Anze Kopitar (#11) for their perfect passes during this play, too, but what's also noteworthy is that Slava was originally looking to lift the shot upstairs on Elliott but his stick gets slashed. Instead of giving up on the play, he finds a way to slide the puck low on Elliott to score the goal.

GLAMOROUS. 

Voynov's from Chelyabinsk, Russia. His full name is Vyacheslav Leonidovich Voynov, but it's "Slava" for short. He was drafted by the LA Kings in 2008 and played several seasons for the team's AHL affiliate, the Manchester Monarchs.

(Voynov [right] with fellow Kings forward Jordan Nolan [#71, left] and former Kings player Andrei Loktionov [middle] during the lockout.) 

He was called up to the NHL for the 2011-12 regular season. What a fortuitous time, right? 

Yes and almost no. See, Voynov might've been called to the NHL during what would turn out to be LA's Cup-winning year but when the Kings were struggling offensively during the regular season, they ended up looking to trade a defenseman for Jeff "Money" Carter. Despite rumors that forward and team captain Dustin Brown might be on the block, it came down to Voynov or Jack Johnson. Voynov might've been the easy pick to send off, being the younger defenseman, but as announcer Jim Fox pointed out in a "Stanley Cup Moments" bonus clip -- he just seemed to be so fearless and smart on the ice. 

So, it was bye-bye Jack Johnson and hellooooooo, nurse. I mean, Jeff Carter (#77). Hello, Jeff Carter, and Slava Voynov got to stick around to hold down the blue line with the LA Kings and eventually see the biggest NHL prize of all.

Let's hope he's got some more slick goals and defensive moves in him for this next round to help keep the team working toward a repeat scenario.

[helparettaout]

Hey Retta, 

Tonight is game 6 of the Kings vs Blues playoff series, and the Kings have an opportunity to eliminate the Blues for the second season in a row. After letting the St. Louis Blues plunge them into a 0-2 hole at the start of the series, the Kings are now leading 3-2. 

To quote you, that is just -- 

Fortunately, game 6 is happening at Staples Center. The Kings will have the support of 18,000+ fans and -- just as important -- their mascot Bailey the Lion keeping everyone hyped up. 

Recently, the Kings franchise released this Stanley Cup Moments video about Bailey's integral role. Bailey's the best mascot in the NHL (BIAS ALERT), and not just because he has famous friends. 

Why is Bieber wearing a Blackhawks hat at the Kings' game? They weren't even playing the Hawks. 

Flirting with T. Swift. I hope she writes a song about Bailey! 

Here's Bailey with notorious LA Kings fan Matthew Perry during game 3 of the Kings vs Blues series. The Kings are undefeated when Matt Perry makes out with the lion in a Staples Center suite.

So, a huge game tonight, and I trust that Bailey will keep the place loud. 

FINISH THIS.