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[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, alludes to sexual content, ⚠️emotional⚠️, cliffhanger ass ending

A/N: It is with great sadness that I announce that this is the last chapter. Of this season. YAY! Fear not, I am currently 3 chapters away from wrapping up the season 2 installment and will be back in about a month!! Thank you to the readers for sticking around, this fanfiction has meant the world to me and I’m grateful for all the support :) ENJOY!!!!! YEYAH 🗣️🗣️

Chapter 11: A Date With Destiny

Two people appeared in front of them. One of them, a woman, was yelling, “Bomb, bomb, bomb! Get it off me!”

Josh grabbed Liv and dragged her behind the kitchen wall. “Bomb, bomb, bomb!” He yelled. Wolf sprung into action, immediately jumping on the woman and trying to disable the bomb.

“Don’t move!” He commanded her.

“Just chop my arm off!” She wailed.

“Stop moving, if you breathe wrong this blows.” Wolf said urgently. Tiger followed Liv and Josh behind the kitchen wall, all bracing for an explosion that never came. “Clear!” Wolf called out.

“Fuckin’ skull cunts tagged me just as I jumped!” The woman shouted.

“Dingo, what happened? Where’s the rest of the team?” Tiger asked, emerging from behind the wall. Liv and Josh also walked out, eyeing someone with a hood over their face, struggling to get it off. They looked at each other with wide eyes to see if they were looking at the same thing.

“Dead. Just like you, I just watched you die.” The woman, Dingo, said, pointing at Tiger in disbelief.

“Guys, is anybody else noticing the hooded slave?” Josh asked.

Wolf gasped. “That’s no slave!” He rushed over to the person, removing the chain from around his neck and throwing the hood off. The man underneath gasped in the fresh air. “Owl!” Wolf cried excitedly.

“Wolf! Much obliged.” They pulled each other into a tight hug.

“Pre-myrmed Owl!” Liv mouthed to Josh excitedly, giving him a thumbs up.

Owl turned to Tiger, who looked like she might cry if she had the ability to. “Tiger!”

“Owl!” She gasped.

“My good friend.” They pulled each other into a tight hug.

“How are you alive?” Tiger asked, voice full of awe.

“Dingo saved me from a Biotic necro chamber, I’ve been tortured in and out of consciousness for about three weeks.” Owl said.

“So one of you must be Avoid-The-Tunnel.” Dingo looked at Liv and Josh.

Josh nodded and stepped forward to shake her hand. “Welcome to our time.”

Dingo looked him up and down. “The greatest warrior in history?”

“This wee boy?” Owl also studied Josh. “I’m going to ‘69 with him?”

“Oh Jesus.” Liv snorted from behind Josh, turning Owl and Dingo’s gazes to her.

“And who are you?”

“This is Avoid-The-Tunnel’s friend, Liv.” Tiger said.

“Well, we-“ Josh and Liv both started.

“Friend who is a girl who he gets gross with sometimes.” Tiger corrected herself as she pat Liv on the shoulder. Owl and Dingo seemed to accept this answer.

“Josh, you’ll have to explain to them…what happened.”

Wolf said. “You know, with that thing Liv said. Anomaly or something.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Josh said.

Josh found a whiteboard and had Wolf help him bring it down the stairs (Wolf carried it while Josh kept a hand on the side so he felt like he was “helping”).

Josh explained to Owl and Dingo everything that had happened up to that point, the dance battle in ‘69, James Cameron’s house in 2023, telling Kronish about his future in ‘85, and the new fucked up 2017. Owl and Dingo chowed down on Wolf’s hors d'oeuvres as they listened.

“So,” Owl held up a hand like he had a question. “In your timeline you didn’t take the bridge to steal the TTD?” He asked Tiger and Wolf.

“No.” Tiger shook her head. “No, we took the tunnel but it was a trap, DMC gas.” She said sadly. Liv took the marker from Josh’s hand and wrote above the timeline Josh had drawn “Timeline A: Dingo A - gassed in tunnel, Owl A - Brain eaten by myrm”. “They picked us off one by one until we dropped to our knees just choking on death.”

“Biotics have a mutated p36 immunosuppressant gene that renders them immune to all poisons.” Owl said to Josh and Liv.

“We know, Owl.” Josh said. “We used that same principle to get all of our coworkers to shit themselves in their formal wear.”

“So the bridge was also a trap?” Tiger asked, making a realization. “We were always doomed? This whole time I thought I’d made the wrong call but there was no right call to make.” She sounded slightly relieved. “Well, I…that makes me feel a lot better.” She smiled. “That is a load off.”

Owl grabbed the marker from Liv’s hand and erased Josh’s timeline. Tiger began to explain to him their plan to get into the Kronitorium. “So, we kill Kronish, blow up the building with all his research inside, no innocents die, future saved.” She said.

Owl began to write down a complicated equation on the board.

“I’m confused. And maybe it’s because I haven’t slept in 4,000 fingers, but why are we planning an infiltration op when there are only six of us? We have enough nukes to level this city.” Dingo snapped, walking up to look at what Owl was writing.

“No! No nukes! We’re doing this lean and clean from a moral standpoint .” Wolf interjected.

“Since when are you anti-blowing shit up?” Dingo narrowed her eyes at Wolf. Liv grabbed Josh’s arm, he could tell she was tense. He was too.

“Truth be told, I’m transitioning out of demolitions. I’m really more of a chef these days.” Wolf said happily.

“What the fuck’s a chef?” Dingo asked, coming off extremely rude.

“You see what we had to deal with?” Josh muttered to Wolf.

“Quick question!” Owl turned around from the board. “Since we are in possession of a TTD, why not go back to when Kronish was a newborn?” Tiger visibly tensed as he asked this. “Babies are supposedly soft and helpless. They’re quite killable, almost unfairly so.”

“Perfect! Easy skull smash.” Dingo said.

“No!” Tiger said, a little too quickly. “No baby killing.” She reached up and rubbed a gold locket that no one had even noticed she’d been wearing until that moment.

Owl shrugged, but Dingo narrowed her eyes at Wolf and Tiger, frowning. “I don’t know who these two face pirates are, but you’re not the Tiger who took an anal rod to the gut and you’re not the Wolf who took a nosedive into a firebog.”

“We went through this, Dingo. The small alteration in the space-time continuum brought them to a new spectral plane. It’s not that complicated.” Owl said. Liv looked at Josh with her brows raised. Maybe he really was a genius like Tiger had raved about.

“No, not that, they’ve changed.” Dingo snapped.

“Hey, you watch your rat hole.” Tiger narrowed her eyes right back at her. “I have half a mind to come over there and wash it out with soap, young lady.”

Wolf looked over at Liv and Josh, brows knitted together in a confused way. Liv shrugged and Josh shook his head, they didn’t know either.

“Jokes on you, I don’t know what soap is.” Dingo spat.

Wolf was feeling tense too. “Owl, why did you eat my olive tapenade with your bare hands?” Josh stared up at the ceiling with his jaw clenched. “The serving spoon was right in the dish!”

“Hey man,” Owl said calmly and coolly. “I just learned what a fork is.”

“Okay! Alright, alright, look,” Josh butted in loudly, startling Liv. “I see what’s going on here, okay? Some of us are from Timeline A, others from Timeline B.” He put his hand out to Tiger and Wolf on his right and the other to Dingo and Owl on his left. “But you have to remember, we’re all here for the same reason. We can’t have these factions tearing us apart. What we need right now, more than anything, is to come together.” He knit his fingers together.

“Cum? Together?” Owl repeated.

“Come together.” Josh nodded.

“Charge in.” Dingo rubbed her hands together.

“Yes-“ Josh realized what she’d said, his face fell. “No!”

“Tensions do need to be released.” Tiger said. Wolf nodded, folding his arms seriously.

“Um! Like all together?” Liv asked in a high, awkward voice.

“What part of ‘cum together’ doesn’t make sense to you?” Dingo asked in a snobby voice. “Fuckin’ idiot.”

Liv squinted at her. “What if I don’t want to ‘cum together’.”

“It’s team building and tension releasing Avoid-The-Tunnel’s friend who’s a girl who he gets gross with sometimes.” Owl said.

“…it’s Liv.”

“You two,” Wolf said loudly, pointing at Liv and Josh. “Go upstairs and do your thing,” he ordered.

“Uh, Wolf-“ Josh started.

“We’ll take care of business down here.” He said.

“But the team building!” Owl complained.

“It’s fine!” Tiger raised her voice again.

“Go fuck upstairs before this turns into a whole thing.” Wolf said to Liv and Josh. Josh grabbed Liv’s hand and they slowly started to back up the stairs.

“Josh-“

“We’ll just hide in my room until they’re done.” Josh muttered. As soon as the door to Josh’s room closed he checked three times to make sure the door was actually locked. “We don’t have to actually.” Josh said, going and sprawling out on his bed.

“Have to what?”

“Have sex. We don’t have to, we can just be in here.” Josh said. Liv gave him a little smile.

“Josh, what about the tension release? What about team building?” She teased, mocking Dingo. “She’s kinda annoying isn’t she?” She cuddled up next to him. “And a bitch? Did you hear her down there? If she didn’t have the strength to tear my throat out, I’d have kicked her teeth in.”

“I didn’t want to say anything, but Dingo is already getting on my nerves. I think I hate her” Josh whispered as if she might hear from all the way downstairs. Liv gave him a fake surprised face.

“I’m gonna tell on you!” She giggled quietly, hitting his chest lightly with the back of her hand.

Josh chuckled. “No you won’t.” He placed a kiss on her cheek. They laid there in silence for a few seconds, hearing some scuffling from downstairs.

“What do you say to a quick charge in?” Liv asked, looking up at him from her spot laying on his chest. She felt Josh’s chest rise quickly.

“I would say yes.” Josh said excitedly, obvious that he’d been waiting for the go ahead. She sat up and Josh followed, a glimmer of arousal in his eyes.

Liv pulled him by his collar over to her again, kissing him deeply, cupping his cheeks in her hands. Josh’s tongue met hers, the heat of their tongues melding as they got more and more desperate for each other. His hands slid around her waist, holding her protectively. Her arms strung themselves around his neck as she moved into his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist. They broke apart for air looking longingly into each other’s eyes. Their lips softly collided again, Josh kissing Liv breathless. He held her like she was a precious glass vase, touched her so gently, kissed her like he needed air, whispered her name like it was the only one that he knew.

Liv knew that there, in that moment, she was utterly in love with him.

Liv trailed after Josh down the stairs, adjusting the robe Josh had given her, fluffy and white, like the one Wolf had on the day before. They were met with Tiger, Wolf, Owl, Dingo all sprawled out on the couch in matching ones. Owl had an arm around Destiny the sex doll (no one knew where she’d come from nor how Owl had found her).

“Fucking finally.” Dingo complained. Wolf gave them a sly smile, but didn’t say anything. They’d definitely heard everything from their spot on the couch.

“Alright, tensions released?” Tiger asked, standing up. Everyone nodded. “Wolf?”

“Check.”

“Dingo?”

“Check.”

“Owl?”

Owl was caressing Destiny, the sex doll’s plastic face. “What’re you doing after this mission?” He asked the doll.

“Gonna call that a check.” Tiger said, side eyeing him.

“Future Man?”

“Check?”

“Liv?”

“Check.”

Tiger nodded and strolled over to the white board where Owl had drawn up an elaborate map of their plan. “There’s gonna be a lot of security.” Tiger said as Liv took a seat next to Wolf. Josh sat next to her, putting an arm behind her on the couch.

“We’ve got a lot to catch up on,” Wolf whispered to Liv with a teasing smirk. Liv playfully shoved him.

“Hey!” Tiger snapped at them. Wolf and Liv sat straight up and stopped bugging each other.

“Ooh, you guys got in trouble.” Josh said in a quiet singsong voice. Tiger shot him a glare that shut him right up.

“We’re not getting anywhere without hand access. There’s biometric hand scanners throughout the building. Lucky for us, I got us a set of prints.” She held up what looked like a glove made out of glue.

“Who’s…hand is that a mold of?” Liv asked.

“Stu’s.” Tiger said. “He’s fine, don’t worry, I told him not to come into work today. Okay, Alpha team will clear civilians from the building, drawing out Biotic forces. The only problem is, it’s a suicide mission. Either one of us is going to have to sacrifice ourselves or Destiny has just found her destiny.” Everyone looked to Owl, who was trying to hold Destiny’s hand.

“Good riddance to Destiny!” Josh said.

“Team Alpha will consist of Dingo and I.” Tiger said. Dingo fist pumped the air. Tiger pointed to the lower part of the map. “Meanwhile Bravo and Charlie, they’re gonna enter from underground. Bravo is gonna set charges throughout the building,” Tiger pointed to different locations across the map. “Bravo will consist of Wolf, Josh-“

“And Liv!” Wolf interrupted.

“Yes, and Liv.” Tiger suppressed a small endearing grin as she looked over to Wolf slinging his arm around Liv’s shoulders excitedly and patting Josh on the shoulder. “Charlie, aka Owl, will go deep into the core using his genius to kill the power.” She tossed Owl the glue glove. “You’ll open the impenetrable security doors which will give us access to Kronish himself. Once we get the signal from Charlie that the doors are open, Alpha Team will blow up Destiny, killing all the Biotics in the lobby. That will give us a window of a few minutes before reinforcements jump in. We use it to rendezvous at Kronish’s lab, kill Kronish, set the final charges, and jump back to the future.”

“Um,” Josh raised his hand. “Where do we go at that point?” He asked, pointing between him and Liv.

“You guys are coming with us, aren’t you?” Tiger asked blankly.

“To the future?” Liv shook her head.

“No, we can’t- I mean, we have our whole lives here.” Josh said.

“What lives?” Wolf asked.

“Ooh, burn.” Dingo snickered. Owl chuckled.

“You don’t belong here, you said it yourselves.” Wolf said.

“No, I mean, I have to go and make things right with my parents and…Liv…well, your life didn’t really fall apart but…you know, we should probably stay here.” Josh rambled. Liv shrugged and nodded.

Tiger sighed and shrugged. “Then I guess you sneak out as civilians.”

“Or maybe as janitors.” Wolf said.

Liv and Josh looked at each other and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that makes the most sense.” Liv mumbled.

“World’s greatest warrior posing as a lowly janitor.” Owl said to Josh. “Where does your brilliance end, Avoid-The-Tunnel?” He reached behind him into the couch cushions and pulled out an energy drink labeled “JOOSH”.

“I wouldn’t drink that.” Josh held out a hand to stop him. “It’s like 10,000 volts to your brain.”

Owl looked at the drink and back to Josh. “Oh. Okay.” He put the can in his robe pocket.

“Kronish labs opens at 7am.” Liv said. “What time is it?”

“6:45” Josh said.

“Great, Wolf, you get the C-4 from the sewer and we’ll strap it to the charge doll.” Tiger commanded. “This is it, this is our one and only chance.”

Tiger and Dingo waited outside the lab behind a pillar with binoculars. Tiger had pushed Destiny off in an electric wheelchair and she wheeled into the lobby, absolutely stuffed with bombs. Earlier, Liv had scrawled “Evacuate the building in 10 minutes or I’m gonna blow! :)” on a piece of lined paper and taped it to the doll. Dingo and Tiger watched as Destiny wheeled in an immediately caused panic amongst the people inside. Alarms began to blare as people started booking it towards all the exits. A mob of elementary schoolers ran out of the building, probably from a field trip.

Tiger squeezed her eyes shut and touched the locket around her neck, silently praying to a God she didn’t believe in that all those kids would make it out safely.

Meanwhile, entering from underground just like in Tiger’s plan, Liv, Josh, Wolf, and Owl walked quietly through the tunnels, stakes high. Josh looked around nervously, reaching for Liv’s hand and intertwining their fingers. Red lights were blinking throughout, signaling to them that Destiny had caused the disturbance they planned for.

“Should we set some charges somewhere down here?” Liv whispered.

“Not yet, I’ll tell you when…” Wolf said as he walked slightly ahead of everyone. He stopped and looked around, realizing they should probably start doing just that. “…wait actually, when.” He muttered, pressing a detonator against the wall and setting the timer. Josh rolled his eyes. Owl was in his own little world about 20 feet behind, studying a singular brick on the wall. “I see some doors, Owl, we need the hand.” Wolf said in a low voice, catching Owl’s attention. He held up one of Destiny’s hands high above his head, the glue glove wrapped over it. He sprinted past the other three and to the biometric scanner.

“He’s…quirky.” Liv said under her breath.

“I think he might’ve had the ‘JOOSH’ I told him not to drink.” Josh said. As the three of them sauntered through the doors, Owl held a hand out to Wolf.

“It’s been an orange, soldiers.” He said, and Wolf grabbed his arm and nodded in response.

“Wait…orange?” Josh raised an eyebrow as Owl held a hand out to Josh.

“Honor, it’s been an honor.” He said. “Isn’t that what I just said?” He shook Liv’s hand politely. “M’lady.” He mocked a curtsy to her.

“Um, thanks Owl.” Liv didn’t know how to respond to that. Owl saluted them with Destiny’s glue hand.

“I love you.” He said to the three of them and waddled away like he’d shit his pants. He looked even stupider in the leopard print jacket he wore that said “SAVAGE” across the back. Josh and Liv stared after him in disbelief.

“Is he alright?” Josh whispered.

“He’s a genius, that’s how they are.” Wolf whispered back, patting Josh on the chest and charging down the hall. Josh looked to Liv with a concerned look.

“I’m pretty damn sure he drank that energy drink.” He huffed as they took off after Wolf.

Back upstairs, Tiger was surveying the lobby with her binoculars.

“Alright, all the ‘innocent’ people who we ‘can’t let die’ are out. Can we blow this shit up now?” Dingo snapped impatiently.

Tiger slowly nodded, bringing a walkie talkie up to her mouth. “Alright, Alpha’s ready to bl-“ before she could finish, she spotted a little girl hiding behind a pillar inside. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, we are not clear.”

Dingo made a frustrated noise and snatched the binoculars from Tiger’s hand. “What the fuck?” She spotted the little girl. “One fucking youngling?!” She seethed, pulling the binoculars away from her eyes in one aggressive motion. “The fate of humanity’s in the balance here, what are you doing?” She hissed.

“No,” Tiger touched her locket. “I gotta get her outta there.” She started to march inside. Dingo chased after her.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Dingo grabbed Tiger’s shoulder roughly. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Tiger? You talk funny, you care about younglings, and you don’t smell like dirt anymore.” Dingo looked her up and down as Tiger protectively held her necklace. Dingo scoffed. “This time has turned you into a monster. And why do you keep touching that strangle chain?” Dingo’s hand shot out to grab the chain.

“No, no, no!” Tiger fought against her. “Dingo, do not take my baby!” She said through gritted teeth. The locket had been a gift from Estelle Kronish, something she promised to treasure forever. Dingo snapped the chain from Tiger’s neck, prying the locket open. Tiger stood there, stunned, unsure of how to explain what was inside, pictures of Estelle and Elias. Dingo slowly turned her gaze up to Tiger again, a sneer on her face.

“‘You’ll always be a member of the family’?” She looked between the locket and Tiger. “‘Love, Estelle and Elias Kronish?!”

Tiger bobbed her head from side to side. “You know what, when you read it out loud it doesn’t sound great.” Dingo narrowed her eyes on Tiger, inching closer to her, looking ready to attack.

“What do you think your future’s gonna be like?” Josh asked Wolf in a hushed tone.

“I dunno, it’d be just as strange for me as it would be for you guys.” Wolf said, glancing over his shoulder. “Nothing to do but adapt.”

“Easy for you to say, everywhere you go everyone loves you.”

Wolf smirked to himself. “That they do, but hey! Don’t sell yourself short.” He handed Josh a detonator as they approached a beam. As Josh set it up, Liv looked around protectively. She heard the clicking sound of Josh pressing it to the wall and setting the timer. Wolf slapped Josh on the shoulder proudly. “Way to find the weak axis of the I-beam. Adapting already, see?” He looked at Liv. “Good pick.”

Liv looked at Josh with a small grin knowing full well that the day before Wolf had been judging her. Josh gave her the same small grin before peering around the corner. His body tensed, signaling to Liv and Wolf that danger was coming. He turned back and smashed both of them behind the beam, holding his arms out of either side of them protectively, as if that would shield them from any harm. The Biotics who stomped past them were too busy staring straight ahead to even notice them. Josh felt Liv’s chest heave against his as she sighed with relief. Josh looked at Liv and pressed his forehead against hers as he gave a sigh of relief too. Wolf was pressed into the corner behind Liv.

“Listen, I love both of you, but this isn’t really a kissing opportunity.” Wolf whispered. “Although that might be kinda hot-“

Josh and Liv both turned their stares up to Wolf. “Seriously?” Josh pushed away from the wall.

“You’re both very attractive people who I don’t mind seeing kiss.” Wolf shrugged nonchalantly. Josh rolled his eyes as he moved into the next room and up the stairs and Liv chased after him. Wolf took a couple large steps and caught up with them.

They set several more charges. “The pupils have become the masters.” Wolf patted them both proudly on the back.

“Who would’ve thought I had a knack for explosives?” Josh set the timer off on a detonator, winking at Liv.

“Not me,” Wolf started up another flight of stairs. “I never believed in you. I thought you were weak and had bad plans.” Josh sighed as Liv gasped.

“Wolf!” She hissed.

“I’ve heard that before.” He muttered. They came to a door, Wolf pressed his ear against it.

“But you’ve been more dedicated to this mission than anyone else, and Liv really liked you.”

“You met me before you met her.” Josh pointed out in a flat tone.

“Yeah, okay, but she liked you so I had to tolerate you. But now? I really like you.” He looked back at Josh. “I want you to know, if you did come to the future with us, I’d take care of you, like you took care of us.” Josh could recognize softness in his tone and his face, it was the way he spoke to Liv. He really meant it.

“Wow, Wolf,” Josh felt emotional.

“I know,” Wolf opened the door and stealthily walked through. Josh looked at Liv, who looked back at him with the same emotion filled eyes. Josh opened his mouth the day something, but decided against it, slipping his hand into hers and walking through the door and into a dark hallway.

“You know, all I can think about since I murdered myself is that I don’t belong in this time any more than you and Tiger do.” Josh said quietly as he and Liv tiptoed behind Wolf.

“Me too, I keep wondering what this time’s version of me is like.” Liv said quietly.

“I feel like a man out of time.”

“Exactly. But woman.”

“It’s a weird feeling, right?” Wolf lightly chuckled.

“Yeah.” Liv and Josh responded at the same time.

“It’s probably why I did all that coke.” Wolf said, turning a corner. They both nodded, muttering in agreement. “I’m just kidding, I did that because it was awesome.” He grinned over his shoulder at them, making them both laugh quietly. Josh looked at Liv, hand still clutching hers. He looked up at Wolf, who sauntered up to the big, impenetrable doors.

“Liv,” He whispered so Wolf couldn’t hear. “What if we went with them?”

“To their time?” Liv whispered back.

“We don’t belong here.” Josh looked at her with pleading eyes. “And they’ve said how it will be better in the future once we’ve stopped Kronish. I want to go with them, but only if you’re there.” He brought their intertwined hands up, putting his other hand on them.

Liv nodded quickly. “Okay! Okay, let’s do it.” She whispered, a wide grin spreading across her face. “I’ll follow you wherever you go.” Josh’s eyes filled with ecstasy and joy.

“Hey,” Wolf gruffed. “These are the doors.”

Josh and Liv caught up with him. “Wolf. We’re gonna do it.”

“We’re gonna go with you guys back to the future.” She gave Josh a little grin at her reference. Wolf’s eyes lit up. “We’re done being janitors.” She squeezed Josh’s hand.

Wolf looked at them with an enthusiastic glint in his eyes as he raised the walkie talkie to his mouth. “Bravo’s at the Kronish door. Charlie, what’s your ETA?”

They were met with screaming from Owl. “Physics! Inertia! Why have you forsaken me?”

All of their faces fell instantly. “Owl. Come in, Owl.” Wolf responded as calmly as he could. No response. Wolf hit the side of the walkie talkie with the heel of his palm. “Owl, do you copy?”

Owl answered in a high, girly voice. “Yes, how may I help you?” He dropped his voice to a low octave. “Yes, I believe I’m supposed to have an orgasm.” He answered in his girly voice. “Oh yes, right this way.”

Josh looked at Wolf with a concerned face, hoping this was normal, but judging from the way Wolf looked just as concerned, it couldn’t be good.

“Will this orgasm do?” Owl asked himself. He lowered to a low octave again. “Yes, it will!”

“Is…Owl…cumming?” Liv asked as Owl moaned loudly on the other end.

Wolf shook his head. “No, he’s been myrmed.” He sounded distraught.

“Again?!” Josh cried.

“Goddamn necro chamber!” Wolf growled. “Every freaking fucking timeline.” Owl was still wailing. Wolf paced away, halfway down the hall and turned back. “A myrm eats its way through your brain lobe by lobe.” Wolf explained as he paced back to Liv and Josh, who stood in shock, confusion, and terror. “If he’s having an orgasm this intense, it can only be because the myrm is chewing on his amygdala.” He saw the way Liv winced. He leaned down to her level, assuming she didn’t know what that meant. “That’s the brain’s clit.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense.” She shivered with disgust.

“She’s squeamish.” Josh tightened his grip gently on her hand. Owl continued to moan through the walkie talkie.

“So you went back to the 40s to slit his throat as a baby, that part makes sense.” Dingo was slowly advancing on Tiger, rage burning in her eyes. “Then what?”

“Well, then…one thing led to another and you know how it goes, I kinda ended up raising him.” Tiger kept her distance.

“Was that before or after you sent him on the floaty box with his secret charging mate?” Dingo squinted her eyes.

“It’s called a boat and it was after.” Tiger snapped. “Or before, depending on how you view time.”

Dingo barred her teeth. “How many chances have you had to kill Kronish and not done it?”

Tiger stopped and thought for a moment. She started to count on her fingers. “Oh…yeah…”

Dingo aggressively slapped Tiger’s hand down. “The answer should be zero! You’ve gone fucking soft!” She barked. “You goddamn traitor, I’m not following your plans anymore,” she tried to grab the walkie talkie from Tiger’s belt. “I’m in charge now!” They fought against each other, Tiger tried to pull it from Dingo’s grasp, but snapped it in half. In retaliation, Dingo kicked Tiger through the window and into the lobby, landing her in a mess of shattered glass. Tiger’s head shot up to assess her situation. Remaining Biotics marched single file towards her. Tiger craned her neck to look at the scared little girl, who was still hiding.

“Sweetie, you gotta get out of here, the grown ups are playing.” She said as gently as she could, trying not to scare her further. “Go!” The little girl nodded with wide eyes, standing up and running through the exit. Tiger heaved a sigh of relief.

“Give me the detonator.” Dingo stepped through the broken window menacingly. Tiger grabbed Dingo’s arm as she tried to swing a punch, throwing her into the Biotics, making them topple to the ground like dominoes.

Tiger ran for cover, watching Dingo struggle to stand. She set off Destiny, throwing herself behind a wall as she blew up everything in the lobby. “Owl!” She panted into the walkie talkie. “Owl, open the goddamn doors, I had to blow Destiny early, Dingo turned on me.” She heard nothing. She let out a frustrated groan as she punched the wall, taking off in the direction she hoped led to the doors that Wolf, Josh, and Liv would be at.

“Fifteen brain bombs just blew downstairs, Biotic reinforcements are gonna be here any second!” The Bravo team heard as someone charged down the hall.

“Tiger?”

“Shit…” Wolf hissed, trying to throw his body weight against the doors. “These doors must be impenetrable, there’s no way we’re blowing through this.”

“Wait, you said that Kronish doesn’t let anybody into his lab, right?” Josh asked Tiger. She nodded. “You know what he does let in? Possums.” Everyone stared at Josh, brows pinching together. He pointed to a small chute next to the door. “Guys, the incinerator chute. That’s our way in!”

“No, as soon as they arrive they’ll make straight for Kronish, we’ll be overrun.” Tiger shook her head, face paling.

“Yeah, but not if you hold them off.” Josh said. “Look, all you gotta do is give me enough time to climb up the chute, set the final charge, and kill Kronish myself.”

“What about me?” Liv asked.

“Liv, you can’t come with me, you’ll be with Tiger and Wolf.”

“What? Why?” She asked loudly, voice verging on breaking.

“Liv, it’s dangerous.”

“And the Biotics aren’t?”

“I appreciate your offer, I really do,” Tiger said. “But you've got, like, what, one kill notch on your belt? And evil you did most of the work, let’s be honest.”

“No.” Josh shook his head. “If someone’s gonna kill Kronish, it should be me.”

“Josh!” Liv’s voice broke.

“With that door sealed your only exit is down into the fire.” Wolf said. Josh slowly processed his own plan.

“…it’s a suicide mission.” Tiger whispered. “No coming back, no do-over, no tomorrow…” Liv looked more and more distraught.

“Josh, no!” She grabbed his shoulders.

“You’re gonna die.” Tiger added.

“Yeah, okay, look, I’m realizing that.” Josh brushed Liv’s hands off of his shoulders and walked a couple paces away.

“Josh-“ her eyes were welling up with tears.

“When you guys invited me to come to your future, that meant everything to me, but I don’t think that’s what’s meant to happen. Destiny isn’t something that just arrives on your doorstep from Japan or wherever, it’s something that you seize in the moment, the moment where you realize you have to murder/suicide your former boss and mentor.” Wolf and Tiger looked at each other while Liv began to shake, tears spilling from her eyes.

“What about me, Josh?” She cried.

“Yeah, what about Liv?” Wolf asked in a hushed tone.

Josh closed his eyes and exhaled softly, trying not to cry. Liv meant everything to him, she always had. He couldn’t have her dying because of him. He didn’t know what would happen to her.

“We can take her with us.” Wolf said quietly, Tiger narrowed her eyes at him.

“No we can’t.” She hissed.

“Yes we can!” Wolf wrapped an arm around Liv’s shoulder protectively as they shook harder while she cried.

“I don’t want to go with you guys without Josh!” She pushed herself away from Wolf, running into Josh. “I want to be with you, let me go with you.” She buried her face in the crook of his neck. Josh wrapped his arms around her tightly. Wolf gave Tiger a look, signaling they should let them say their goodbyes. Tiger drew out a blaster and her and Wolf stalked down the hall to give them space.

“Liv,” Josh whispered gently, pulling her away so he could look at her. The heartbroken look on her face shattered him. “I don’t want you to die because of me.”

“But Josh, then we’ll die together.”

“We’re not Romeo and Juliet, okay? Look, I think you should go with them- I know what I just said, but, if it truly is a better future, that’s where I want you to go. I care too much about you Liv, I just…I don’t want you to have to die because of me.”

“Josh. I can’t.” Liv whispered, lip quivering. “I can’t without you.”

Josh nodded, tears falling from his eyes. “I know.” He exhaled shakily, trying to cover it up with a laugh. He shook his head as he looked at her. He loved her. “I don’t want to die.” He shook with sobs, pulling Liv tight against him. “Liv, I don’t want to die.” They held each other, crying and trembling, racked with sobs. Tiger and Wolf could hear them, breaking both their hearts into pieces.

“You don’t have to.” Liv whispered, inhaling shakily, pulling away and wiping her tears. “You don’t have to die again Josh, because I won’t allow you to. You’re going to kill Kronish and then you’re going to climb right back down that chute, I’ll make sure there’s no fire at the bottom, you can trust me. You’re going to sneak out as a civilian like Tiger said earlier, and I will too after helping Tiger and Wolf with the Biotic reinforcements and sending them back to the future, okay? We’ll live a normal life here in this timeline. This is our chance to start over, and you’re the only person who I want to do it with.” She held his face, wiping his tears. He wiped her tears away and nodded.

“Okay, okay, I can do that.” Josh pressed a kiss to her forehead. He reached into his pocket, pressing something round into her hand. “When that thing’s light turns green that means Kronish is dead, the final charge has been set, and I’m coming back down. You make sure that Tiger and Wolf get the fuck back to the future and that they don’t come back for us no matter what.”

Liv looked down at the red light staring up at her from the round object in her hand. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she’d seen Wolf give it to Josh. “Okay.” She whispered, wiping away a stray tear, looking into his eyes. She looked to the side to see Tiger and Wolf looking at them, eyes full of grief and pride.

“I’m proud of both of you.” Tiger said, taking a step towards them.

“We’ll get her out safely, Josh. One way or another, I promise.” Wolf nodded towards him.

“We’ll never forget what you did here.” Tiger made her way over to Josh, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not Future Man, you’re something much better. You’re Josh Futturman.” She pulled him into a tight embrace. Tiger never hugged anyone. Josh sank into the hug, holding back tears again. She pulled away and turned to Liv. “And you, you were the most pleasant surprise I’ve ever received,” She smiled at her, wrapping Liv into a tight hug. “Future Man’s friend.” She said fondly. “I’m glad you stuck around.”

Wolf gave Josh a small smile. “I know we’ll never get a chance to switch dicks back, but I’m cool with that. It was never about the dick, it’s about the warrior’s mane. And you’ve earned every last hair.” Before Josh had a chance to react, Wolf placed his hand on the back of Josh’s neck, pressing their foreheads together. Wolf repeated his last sentence in Na’vi before letting go and turning to Liv. “Liv Branson, I know we’re not saying goodbye just yet, but you are my best friend.” He enveloped her in the world’s tightest hug as she began to cry again.

“Wolf, I love you so much.” She cried into his chest.

“I see her in you. Sigorn-E.” Wolf said. That made Liv cry harder and hug him tighter. “I’ll never forget you Liv, never. I hope every time you and Josh fuck, you think of me when you see my penis on his body.” Liv pulled away.

“Wolf, I think you should be done.” She sniffled, wiping her tears away.

“Yeah Wolf, that’s kinda weird.” Josh said.

Wolf pat Liv’s head, looking down at her with a small, endearing smile. “Okay, okay. Go give him a kiss.” He gestured his head towards Josh. Liv threw her arms around Josh’s shoulders and pulled him in for what could be their final kiss. It was tender and gentle, Tiger didn’t even feel the need to throw up, she just looked at Wolf with softened eyes. Wolf was welling up with tears. Dingo was right, they had gone soft. But they didn’t give two fucks.

Josh pulled away slightly, tucking some of Liv’s hair behind her ear. “I l-“ The floor rumbled.

“Fuck!” Tiger yelled. “They’re here.”

Josh gave Liv a quick peck on the forehead. “I’ll tell you after.” He stroked her cheek one last time as she rubbed her hands up his arms. Wolf helped to boost Josh into the chute.

“I love you!” Josh heard Liv desperately call to him as he started his perilous journey up towards Kronish. The chute door slammed, leaving Josh alone.

As the chute door closed, Wolf put an arm on Liv’s left shoulder. Tiger’s hand landed on her right shoulder.

“Hey you three!” A voice behind them barked. Tiger pulled a blaster from her jacket, concealing it against her body, shooting Liv a side eye. Liv reached for the blade on her belt. “Don’t you know the building is being evacuated?” They turned slowly to see three Biotic scientists approaching them. Wolf reached behind him, grabbing something from his belt.

“Puck chuck!” He yelled, throwing a circular blade into a scientist's throat. Tiger leapt over them, stabbing the one grabbing his throat in the back.

“Gut knife!” She screamed. The other Biotics shot their blasters at them.

Liv stabbed one of them in the stomach. “Gut knife!” She yelled, copying Tiger. Tiger repeatedly stabbed the man.

“Gut knife, gut knife, fucking gut knife! Fuck you!” She screamed. Wolf kicked the third Biotic through a janitor’s closet door, grabbing an unattended mop and snapping it over his knee. The Biotic tried to advance on him but Wolf stabbed the jagged side of the wood straight through his stomach.

“Science wand!” Wolf yelled, pushing the dying Biotic to the ground. He tossed the mop end to Liv. “Liv! Heads up!”

Liv caught it, driving the splintered wood into her dying Biotic’s stomach. “Not just a janitor now, bitch.”

“More for the gobulator.” Wolf growled, helping Liv to her feet. Liv saw the blood on her hands and shuddered.

“Let’s not kid ourselves.” Tiger said, handing Liv a blaster from her belt. “I didn’t think you had it in you, kid.”

“Guys, we need to make sure we get the fire at the bottom of the incinerator to turn off.” Liv begged. “I promised Josh, he doesn’t have to die-“

“We heard, we’ll help you.” Tiger said. “Don’t worry, Liv.”

Blaster shots whizzed past their heads as they ducked. “So much for stealth mode.” Wolf threw a mine at the reinforcements making their way down the hall. Wolf grabbed Liv and the three took off down the opposite end of the hall.

“We’ve gotta draw them away from the door!” Tiger yelled as they turned the corner, just as the explosion happened.

In the chute, Josh was awkwardly shimmying his way up to Kronish’s office, taking longer than he expected it to. “I thought this would be easier.” He panted, gritting his teeth. He grabbed onto a vent, trying to help hoist himself up, but his knee slipped, making Josh’s heart stop. He only slid down a tiny bit before he was able to stop himself, but that was enough to scare him. His heart was pounding in his ears as he took in shaky deep breaths. “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay,” he repeated to himself over and over. He looked down into the fire way down before him. “God, it’s hot.” He leaned his head back against the metal, chest heaving. “Why didn’t I just play Madden?”

Having escaped the first wave of Biotics, Tiger, Wolf, and Liv crept through a door that led through another maze of halls, this one split three ways. The lights weren’t as dark in this one, making it feel less ominous. Their blasters were drawn, heads on a swivel. They heard the hum of blasters behind them and saw the laser points on the walls.

“Fuck!” Wolf shouted. The doors in front of them opened, swarms of Biotics on the other side.

“Go!” Tiger screamed, grabbing both Liv and Wolf and running straight down the hall, away from the Biotics closing in on them from the other halls. As they ran, the Biotics fired at them.

Wolf shielded Liv with his body as he turned around to shoot back, but he was struck in the collar bone. “I’m hit!” He cried. Liv fired her blaster around him, taking down a single Biotic. They fired at her, hitting her in the arm. She cried out, Tiger grabbed her other arm but was immediately hit in the leg and stomach. She began to keel over.

“No!” Liv screamed, wrapping her good arm around Tiger. Wolf yelled as he was hit in the back. Liv grabbed him with her bad arm, wailing in pain. Tiger, Liv, and Wolf stumbled their way to a closet with a heavy iron door. Liv heard the beep of a bomb timer being set and watched as Wolf dropped a mine to the ground. Tiger shot several blasts behind them as they made their way to the closet for cover. Blasts flew past them, knicking their shoulders and sides. As soon as they passed through the threshold, Wolf fell to the ground. Liv and Tiger worked together to shut the heavy door, Liv pulling the latch shut and holding it. The door buckled as the explosion went off, Liv and Tiger holding the latch closed together. Liv sank to her knees panting and holding her arm.

“Fuck…” Wolf breathed out, rolling to his side.

“We have to make sure the fire gets turned off.” Liv heaved.

Tiger handed her her walkie talkie. “Owl.” Was all she managed to say.

“He’s myrmed.” Wolf winced in pain as he tried to sit up.

Tiger’s eyes darted between Wolf and Liv. She slammed her fist against the door. “Son of a perf cock!”

Josh spilled out from the chute into Kronish’s giant office. He scrambled to his feet, readying his blaster. The office had cement walls, neutral colors, it felt cold and like a prison, or like a very uninviting IKEA show room.

“Mr. Futturman,” Kronish said politely. “I’ve been expecting you. Where’s Ms. Branson? I thought she’d at least be with you.”

Josh’s heart sank. “Oh my God, you’re evil now.” His blaster hummed as it warmed up, pointing it straight at Kronish. “Damn it, why couldn’t you have just been happy eating your conch fritters?”

“But I was, Josh, I was!” There was a tinge of sadness in his voice. “As happy as a conch, which is like a clam, only much more delicious.” Kronish smiled, but there was no usual Kronish joy behind it. Josh adjusted his hand around his blaster, gulping. “Leslie and I were living our dream far, far away from here until one windless, fateful day just north of the Isle of Lamu.” Kronish’s face fell slightly. “My dearest Leslie brushed past a rusty nail and contracted a staph infection, simple, treatable, but we were a five day sail away from the nearest hospital.” Josh held his blaster steady, shaking his head, eyes full of despair. “In Somalia.” Kronish added.

“Oh God,” Josh whispered, heart sinking further.

“By the time we reached dry land, the love of my life expired right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.”

“Please,” Josh begged. “You have to make this easier for me.” He lowered his weapon

“But there was something I could do about it,” Kronish continued, a glint of power in his eye. “You told me! The power to eradicate pain and disease forever lay within me. I could make it so that no one ever had to watch a loved one be taken away from them ever again. How could I not pursue such a noble path?”

“Owl, come in Owl.” Liv said for the eighth time. Nothing. “Owl! Team Charlie! Somebody!” She cried.

“Liv, there’s no use.” Tiger muttered, slumping next to Wolf, who was holding the wound on his collar bone. Tiger reached over and pressed her hand to his wound, trying to staunch some bleeding. Wolf winced and groaned.

“You know, I don’t remember Dingo being such an asshole.” Wolf said in a low voice.

“Yeah,” Tiger chuckled. “She was right though, we have changed.” She looked up at Liv, who was standing over them. “For the better. I like who we’ve become…which is why it sucks we’re about to die.”

Liv violently shook her head, screaming into the walkie talkie. “Owl!”

Wolf rested his head against Tiger’s, holding his hand to hers, closing his eyes. He opened them and they landed right on his gobulator. He sat up straight and immediately winced and moaned in pain. “We don’t have to.” He gruffed. “Tiger, it’s time for Beaver’s Razor.” He said, looking over at her.

“What- what’s that?” Liv asked. Tiger looked at him, eyes lighting up.

“Wolf, you’re a genius.”

Josh had his blaster raised towards Kronish again. “Look, I’m sorry about Leslie, I know that you loved him so much, and you guys used to really get after it sometimes. But the truth is, every time and every timeline your work leads to the creation of the Biotics who destroy all of mankind.” Josh slowly walked closer to Kronish as he spoke.

“No!” Kronish pointed a finger at him. “I kept the research, all my research right here under this roof, I shared it with no one!” He pointed to a case full of his research and vials. “I will never do that, I am dedicated to good, to ending pain.”

“I know that you are,” Josh said, lowering the blaster slightly. “But this is already happening. I’ve tried really, really, really hard not to kill you. Okay. It’s been my number one goal. I’ve tried to change you, I’ve tried to control events, but it doesn’t work.” Josh rambled, getting closer to Kronish as he backed away. “This is where we end up.”

“You’re wrong, Josh, I’ve been careful.”

“It doesn’t matter how careful you’ve been, okay?” He caught sight of Kronish’s monitors of the security footage. All he could see were Biotics charging into the building. “Look! Don’t pretend you don’t see what’s happening down there. This is the army that your cure created.” Kronish looked at the monitors, watching Biotics breaking down doors. Kronish shook his head, eyes growing horrified.

“…I wanted to heal the world.”

“I know you did.” Josh said gently. “And in another life you were another kind of great man where you were strong and caring and warm and supportive.” Josh’s voice broke. “And that’s what makes this so much harder.” He raised his blaster again.

Liv and Tiger held the door shut as Biotics began to pound in the door, the bolts on the latch starting to loosen.

“It’s now or never, Wolfie.” Tiger said in a strained voice.

“Okay!” Wolf readied the gobulator, spilling the small bombs through the gap in between the floor and the door. Tiger pulled Liv away from the door, watching the bombs go spilling out and into the hall. “Say hello to your little friends!” Wolf shouted, pressing a button in the small box, and diving to shield Tiger and Liv. A massive explosion shattered the door and the walls around.

“You’re not a killer, are you son?” Kronish asked calmly.

Josh had his blaster pointed straight at Kronish’s head. “Today I am.” He said sadly. “And you have to die.”

Kronish didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his desk. “Tomorrow, to demonstrate my breakthrough to the world,” he opened a chest on his desk. Josh’s grip tightened on his weapon and he shifted on his feet anxiously as he saw the chest holding a gun and a small box inside. “I was going to inject myself with a needle filled with microdoses of 100 of the world’s deadliest diseases.” He opened the smaller box, inside sat two syringes filled with fluids. He held up one of them for Josh to see. “And then, dramatically, save myself with my cure.” He held up the other syringe. “It would have been fantastic theater.” He said with a glum smile. “Tonight’s performance will have a different ending.” Without warning he stuck the needle full of the microdoses into his neck, shocking Josh, who watched in horror as Kronish grunted and yanked the needle out.

Kronish motioned for Josh to step aside, to which he did, watching and realizing as Kronish made his way over to the chute, that he had just killed himself for Josh. He slowly followed behind Kronish, lowering the blaster.

Kronish let out a huff as he dropped his cure down the chute and into the fire. “That stings.” He said, trying to keep an air of positivity in his voice.

“Okay, we broke the Beaver’s dam.” Tiger panted as she wrapped an arm around Wolf.

“Biotic flood comes next.” Wolf said through gritted teeth, hobbling out of the closet.

“Owl, come in Owl. Owl, come on, you’ve got to shut off the fire to the incinerator.” Liv begged into the walkie talkie. “Please Owl, please answer me.” Silence.

“Skibidibop.” Owl said.

Tiger and Wolf both gasped, they were both fully convinced Owl had died. Liv let out a strangled mix between a sob and a laugh. “Owl, Owl, are you there?”

Owl answered, singing some sort of garbled gibberish. “Owl, are you at the control panel? Shut down the power to the possum chute!”

“Skibidibibidibop.” Owl answered.

“…was that a yes?” Liv looked at Tiger and Wolf, who just shrugged. Wolf’s eyes widened as they heard something small clank against the floor and start rolling towards them.

“DMC!” Tiger gasped, the air filled with fog.

“Oh shit,” Wolf started to hack. “I really thought this was going to work.” Liv waved her hand around, trying to clear the fog, starting to cough too. It felt like her lungs were closing in and she couldn’t breathe.

“No!” She managed to yell through her hacking. “No!” Tiger looked around them with wide eyes, completely unaffected by the poisonous gas. She touched her face in disbelief, and looked down at her hands, waiting to see them crack and start to bleed, but they didn’t. She was fine.

“Help…” Wolf’s voice came out strangled. The round object that Josh had given Liv rolled out of her pocket as she fell to her knees, fighting for air. It flashed from red to green. Tiger knew what she had to do to save not only Wolf but Liv too. They couldn’t leave her to die. She pulled out the TTD from Owl and Dingo.

“I’m sorry, Josh.” Tiger whispered, firing it up. Liv struggled for air as she weakly turned her head to Tiger, hearing what she’d said. Tiger grabbed Liv’s shoulder and Wolf’s arm. Biotics rounded the corner as the TTD began making its signature buzzing and whirring sounds. Sounds that Liv knew all too well.

“No!” She managed to scream out. “No, Tiger, no!” Light flashed around them, and she felt the familiar sensation of her limbs feeling like they were getting torn from her body.

Watching Kronish die was one of the hardest things Josh had ever had to see. The life draining from his eyes was haunting. Josh had sat with him underneath the possum chute, trying to keep the conversation light hearted, telling Kronish of the Kronish Ball, and the famous chocolate balls.

“How…whimsical…” Were Kronish’s last words before he exhaled his last breath. Josh bowed his head in mourning, a single tear falling down his cheek. Kronish never deserved to go through the things he did. Josh stood and set the final charge, heading towards the incinerator chute. He was met with the heat from the flames down at the bottom.

“Oh God, Liv,” Josh let the door slam as he nervously paced away, raking his hands through his hair. Had she died? What happened? She promised to shut the flames off.

“Joosh!” The voice screaming from walkie talkie scared him half to death. Owl. He hadn’t died yet.

“Owl, Owl are you there?” Josh responded.

“Thirst hyped! Brain plunged!” Owl yelled back. So he had had the energy drink. “Skibidibopbopboo!”

“Owl, do you copy?” Josh shouted. Owl sang in response. “Owl, listen to me, okay? You need to cut the power right now to the possum incinerator chute! Shut it down right now! Right now! Or I’m gonna burn alive! Do you understand- do you copy?”

Nothing. “Skibidibop.”

Josh nodded. “Good enough.” He climbed into the chute, glancing back at the detonator counting down to the explosion. He had 15 seconds. He started to reverse crawl down the chute, praying the fire would shut off any second. When the detonator exploded, it shook the chute, making Josh lose his balance and start to plummet down, down into the flames that hadn’t shut off yet.

“I don’t want to die!” Josh screamed as he manically grasped the metal walls for anything, anything that could stop his fall. Just as he felt the heat get stronger, the flames shut off and he tumbled down into the coals and singed possum bones. He gasped for air, the wind having been knocked out of him. “I’m not dead! I’m not dead!” He cheered, rolling off of the hot coals and kicking the metal door to the incinerator open. Owl lay in front of him, very much dead. A hammer was stuck in the control panel, the lights around it flickering. “Thanks Owl,” he panted, giving him a quick salute before taking off down the hall. He could hear the charges set earlier start to go off. As he ran for his life, he prayed that Liv was okay and would be waiting for him outside.

It was just like in Biotic Wars, and Josh had never run so fast in his whole life. The charges caught up to him quickly, he could feel the debris from the explosions gaining on him, hitting his back. He retraced his, Liv’s, and Wolf’s steps from earlier, running out the way they came in. He sprinted outside, greeted by the coolness of the outside air which contrasted with the heat from the explosions. Windows shattered, spraying glass everywhere as the building collapsed. Josh turned around to watch the tower crumble with one last final boom.

“I did it!” He gasped, falling to his knees and throwing both hands into the air. “I did it!” He looked around, waiting to see a certain girl come running to hug him. But he saw no girl. He saw no one. “Liv?” He called. “Liv?!” He called louder, spinning around. He turned back to the crumbled and burning building. “No. No, no, no, no, Liv! Fuck!” He scrambled to his feet, starting to run towards the rubble and damage, ready to go rake through it with his bare hands to find her. “LIV!” His lungs stopped working as a vicious lump formed in his throat, he was in utter shock and the immense feeling of grief washed over him as he realized something had happened to her. He couldn’t formulate words.

Someone grabbed the back of his shirt roughly, slapping a handcuff around his wrist. “I heard you ‘did it’, huh?” Skarsgaard. He forced Josh to his knees. “Mind if I quote you on that?” Josh let out a defeated sound, feeling a single tear roll down his cheek. “I’m assuming you’re calling for Liv ‘Pastman’ Branson, huh? We can’t find her. Shame I never got to meet her.” Skarsgaard said as Josh’s head hung in sorrow. “Sorry for your loss, but you’re going away for a long time, Futturman.”

I don’t expect anyone to understand what I’ve done. Please believe me when I tell you, I’m not the person they’re saying I am, or the person that you think I am. I’m someone else entirely. I know that sounds confusing and I wish that I could explain it. But what I know to be true is a burden I have to carry alone. Maybe not for that long or maybe for the rest of my life. All I can do, in my own way, is try to make things right. Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent my whole life pretending to be a hero, so when the time came to be one in real life, I went for it. I really did. Which is why I have to go. I love you, Mom and Dad. I’m sorry.

Gabe held the letter in shock. A check with Joosh’s entire net worth and keys to their house were also in the envelope. Gabe called out for Diane.

“Cupcake! Cupcake, we’re going home!”

One Year Later…

Alamore Asylum wasn’t so bad. Skarsgaard actually ended up being one of the sweetest men Josh had ever met, paying Josh constant visits and chess matches every week. In this timeline, Skarsgaard wasn’t a detective, he had been a parking officer, but after he traced Tiger’s steps from Stu Camillo’s house to Kronish Labs, he’d gotten a generous promotion.

The part that was torture was the fact that he was alone with his own thoughts. His imagination would run rampant with thoughts of what happened to Tiger, Wolf, and most importantly, Liv.

Josh thought about Liv every single day, he even dreamed of her every night. He dreamed of memories with her. Most times they were simply sitting back in the janitor’s closet that was their designated hang out spot back in their Kronish Labs days. It shattered his heart to wake up to find she wasn’t there. He couldn’t shake the thought of Tiger and Wolf too, wondering what became of them. It gnawed at him everyday, wondering what happened to the three of them, wondering if they all perished in the “terrorist attack” that Josh had caused.

That’s what the media called it, a “terrorist attack”, even going as far as to nickname him “Little Boy Blew”.

Skarsgaard moved his chess piece. “Check. Mate.” He smirked at Josh cockily. Josh sat on the other side of the chess board in his cell.

“Uh, I don’t think that piece moves like that.” Josh said.

Skaarsgard tilted his head and studied the board. “Oh, right. That’s the horsey.”

“No…that’s the pawn.” Josh chuckled.

Skarsgaard chuckled along with him, leaning back in his chair. “Speaking of pawns, I take it no word from your time traveling pals?” Skarsgaard had figured out about Tiger and Wolf’s dicking around in time back in the 90s when Tiger gave him a matching three slices down his other cheek to match the ones she’d given him back in ‘69.

“Oh, hey, look, I blew up that building completely on my own.” Josh lied nonchalantly. “You sat through the whole trial.” His heart ached as he lied for the millionth time, thinking of Tiger, Wolf, and Liv.

“Some friends.” Skarsgaard scoffed. “They leave you locked up while they’re free to robo-surf and hunt sport gators in a beautiful unknown future.”

Josh’s face fell slightly. “No, this is what I signed up for.” He said solemnly. He hoped that that’s what they were doing. He just hoped they were alive, but he’d never know.

“Hm.” Skarsgaard nodded, thinking over what Josh had said. “Well, I better get going. The widow Santiago’s coming over for dinner. Pretty soon her belly’s gonna be swollen with meatloaf.” He smiled.

“Vince,” Josh smirked at him. “Are you…are you sweet on her?”

“Time heals all wounds, Futturman.” Skarsgaard smiled wider. “Oh, by the way, I clipped this article for you.” He reached into the pocket of his suit coat. “Looks like your folks are putting good use to your Euros.” He handed Josh a newspaper article.

“Joosh Community Center Opens Fourteenth South American Location”.

Josh smiled, looking down at the picture of his parents surrounded by children holding toys and sports equipment. As Josh read, Skarsgaard stood up, stopping before he walked away.

“Does it ever bother you that everyone thinks you’re batshit crazy?” He asked.

“I know the truth. That’s all that matters.” Josh said.

“Reminds me of someone I used to know.” He nodded.

“Santiago?”

“Vincent Skarsgaard.” He smiled fondly at Josh. He knocked a knuckle against the glass separating them. “Next week, Future Man.” He winked and walked away.

Josh gave a small, grim smile and nodded, moving the chair he sat in back to the corner of his cell. He walked to his small bulletin board and stuck the article on it. He was proud of his parents, he wished he would have known that the last time he would have seen would’ve been in front of the police station. He never texted them that he was going to be late that night. He missed them dearly.

He sighed as he walked to his bed, laying down on it, resting his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. No Biotics, no weight of the world on his shoulders. Just Josh Futturman, doomed to be alone in his asylum cell. He let his eyes close.

Behind his eyelids he saw flashing lights and heard buzzing, the same way the TTD would. Josh’s eyes shot open, unable to see a single thing through the bright, flashing lights. It was the last thing that he remembered before blacking out.

End of Book 1.

Picture the song “Don’t Look Back” by Boston playing epically

[heydorothea009]

Both. Next question!

Yapper boyfriend or quiet intense eye contact bf

[heydorothea009]

Redoing the Bread on Toast Masterlist because Tumblr is on one today!! 😔🫠🐺🐯👎

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction Masterlist!!

Chapter 1: December 11, 2017 - Pilot

Chapter 2: A Riphole In Time

Chapter 3: A Fuel’s Errand

Chapter 4: Justice Desserts

Chapter 5: A Blowjob Before Dying

Chapter 6: Pandora’s Mailbox

Chapter 7: Girth, Wind & Fire

Chapter 8: Operation: Fatal Attraction

Chapter 9: Operation: Natal Attraction

Chapter 10: Prelude To An Apocalypse parts 1 & 2

Part 2’s link is included with part 1 :)

Chapter 11: A Date With Destiny

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Warnings: Destiny the sex doll, lots of mentions of dicks, JFUTZ 🫵🫨 (just for you guys)

Chapter 10 (pt. 2): Prelude To An Apocalypse

Just like the video games, Liv was much better at sparring with the creepy doll than Josh. Tiger had hooked the doll up where a punching bag was supposed to be hung and used poles to move her arms. Tiger was thoroughly impressed with Liv, and Josh not so much. Josh seemed afraid to touch the doll, especially after Liv made a comment about thinking it was a sex doll. While Liv would nail the doll right in the face with a punch, Josh would sadly slap it, like in this fight with Karofsky.

“Oh! Oh God, I grazed boob.” He whined as Tiger made the doll slap him.

“Suck it up.” She said.

Liv would snap the doll’s neck, Josh would slap it in the face again.

“Again.” “Again.” “Again.” Was all they heard. Josh finally got brave at one point and put the doll in a headlock, only to have Tiger attack him with the doll’s arms. He shrieked and fell on the ground.

“Yield! Yield!” He cried. Liv stood next to Wolf, who looked on judgmentally.

“Him?” He looked up at her.

“Love is blind.” She sighed, taking a seat next to him.

“This is so stupid.” Josh complained as Tiger let off. “I can’t learn to fight in a day.” He was drenched in sweat.

“Liv did.” Tiger used the doll’s arm to point to Liv.

“Oh, I took some self defense classes. I am a woman living in California.” Liv said.

“Well, Liv, I’m impressed with your improvement. Please participate next time there’s a fight.” Tiger shot her a stern look. She looked back at Josh. “Show me nose-to-brain.”

Josh panted and nodded, readying himself. He took a deep breath before spinning around and shoving the heel of his palm into the doll’s nose successfully. Wolf and Liv clapped politely from the side lines. Tiger nodded approvingly.

“Okay, that’s something.”

Josh panted. “Yeah, that something’s going to come in real handy after I get shot a hundred times.” He said pessimistically.

“You can’t get shot, you're essential to this mission.” Wolf said.

“In order to take down the building, we need to simultaneously detonate bombs in four strategic locations.” Tiger explained.

“Okay,” Josh was still panting. “Well, where are we during all of that?” He pointed between him and Liv.

“At one of the strategic locations.”

“We’re the bombs.” Wolf said.

“What do you mean we’re the bombs?” Liv asked, worriedly.

“L-like what, suicide vests?” Josh’s eyes bugged out.

“We could do belts but vests hold more.” Wolf shrugged. Tiger nodded in agreement. Josh looked at Liv, violently shaking his head. Liv was doing the same.

“No!” He cried. “No, that cannot be the plan!”

“Fine, we’ll do belts.” Wolf rolled his eyes, looking at Tiger. “Jesus Christ.” He muttered under his breath.

“No, I’m with Josh. We cannot be a part of this, alright?” Liv looked between Wolf and Tiger, pleading.

“Well, with only two soldiers and…you guys, it’s our only option.” Tiger stated.

“No! Whatever you guys need to do, you have to find another plan to save the world.” Josh grabbed Liv’s hand and pulled her next to his side. “Joosh and Liv out.” He pulled Liv out of the room.

“Wait, Josh, maybe we can think of something else-“ Liv said quietly as she followed Josh.

“You guys can’t quit on us now.” Wolf followed them out too. Tiger was close behind. Josh let go of Liv’s hand and turned to the three of them.

“Look, I am no savior.” Josh shook his head.

“You’re the reason we’re here.” Tiger said.

“Yeah. And you said it was the worst decision of your entire life.” Josh wiped sweat from his forehead.

“I said that years ago.” Tiger said.

“You said that this morning…” Liv said, looking back at Tiger.

“Time travel is fucked up.” Wolf sipped his smoothie.

“Look, everything that I have tried to do has just made stuff worse. Okay? Can’t you see I am not cut out for this?” Josh put his hands on his head, taking a deep breath as he turned around.

“We can’t make you do this.” Tiger said. “You have to want to do this. You have to need to do this. Without conviction, there’s no self-detonation.” Tiger sounded soft. “Liv, I’m assuming you’ll be with Josh.”

Liv slowly nodded. Tiger nodded understandingly in return. She held out her hands for them to shake. “Well, thank you for your service, Future Man. And Future Man’s friend.” Josh turned around with a surprised look. He thought they would put up more of a fight for him. Liv shook Tiger’s hand, shooting Josh a look that verged on both nervous and surprised. Josh did the same, immediately feeling a twinge of regret.

“You’re letting them go?” Wolf was wide eyed.

“They’re already gone.” She said, making eye contact with Josh. “I hope you stick whatever landing you’re looking for.” She said, quickly glancing at Liv and then back to him as she turned and walked down the stairs.

Wolf lingered, watching Tiger go. “Wow. She’s…really nice now.” Josh mumbled.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Wolf said, turning around to look at Josh and Liv. “Why race into a burning building when I already live in a fireproof palace?”

Josh shook his head. “No, I wasn’t thinking that.”

“I wasn’t thinking that either.” Liv mumbled.

“Well, I used to hide in a palace of my own, but, as someone who’s been to hell and back, I’ll tell you this. There is one downside to cocaine addiction,” Liv and Josh both made concerned faces. “It takes most of the day to kick it, so you lose the day.” Liv slowly side eyed Josh, who looked equally as confused as she did. “Second…none of this is real, your house, your lifestyle, your friends, it’s all an illusion. Except for Liv,” he turned and smiled at Liv. “Hi Liv.”

“…hi Wolf…” Liv sounded confused.

“You’re as real as it gets.” He said softly. He looked between them for a moment before turning and leaving down the stairs.

“Wolf.” Josh said, starting to follow after him. “Wolf!” Everyone in JFUTZ’s crew had left, the house was empty except for them. He caught Wolf at the front door. Liv followed behind him.

“Wolf, somehow fucking up this mission made my life amazing. Okay, don’t you get it? In this timeline, where I never finished playing ‘Biotic Wars’, everything is better.” Wolf looked behind Josh as he talked to see Liv’s face fall. She looked so sad. She clearly didn’t agree with Josh. “This is the universe telling me to stop.”

Wolf looked back at Josh. “No. This is fear preventing you from becoming a legend.” He said gruffly. He looked back at Liv, who was looking at Josh with sad eyes and shuffling her feet. “Maybe you should ask your partner in crime over there what she thinks, this isn’t just about you, Josh.” As Wolf turned and left, Josh looked over his shoulder at Liv.

“Liv?”

“Josh, I think it’s obvious I don’t like this- this JFUTZ lifestyle.” She mumbled, turning away and walking into the kitchen.

“Wait, Liv-“ Josh followed after her. Paul and Tracy opened the back door and stepped inside, holding garbage sacks with cups in them. “…so you’ll get that and I’ll-“

“Hey, hey guys,” Josh stopped when he saw them.

“Hey!” Paul acknowledged.

“Where’d everybody go?” Josh asked.

“Shaun White was doing some kind of fondue thing, so everyone went to that.” Paul said, putting a new sack in the garbage.

“Oh.” Josh felt Liv looking at him. “Hey, you don’t have to do that, I got somebody to take care of that, I told you.”

Paul and Tracy paused. “Yeah. Us.” Paul said.

“You okay boss, you’ve been acting kinda strange?” Tracy asked.

“Yeah, we saw you guys upstairs kicking the shit out of Destiny. It was kinda weird.” Paul said.

Josh looked at Liv. He looked back to Paul and Tracy. He pointed upstairs. “The doll’s name is Destiny?” They nodded, looking confused.

“Yeah, dude, your present? You ordered it?” Tracy tilted her head.

“No judgment, you’re the man JFUTZ.” Paul gave him finger guns. Josh looked horrified over to Liv. “So, the place is all clean and I have a plan to celebrate my birthday with a couple friends, so we’re just gonna boogie, alright?” Tracy and Paul walked past Josh, who still looked shocked and mortified.

“You guys work for me…?” he repeated.

“Yeah, we do- is everything all good? Is he okay?” Paul asked Liv. They both just stared back, processing everything. “Okay…we’re good?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Josh blinked and nodded. Paul and Tracy exchanged confused looks and waved, exiting out the front door.

“So…” Liv mumbled. “Life isn’t as amazing as you thought, huh JFUTZ?”

“I bought a sex doll?” He covered his face with his hands. “JFUTZ, you can’t possibly be the lonely.” The realization struck him. “I need to- to talk to my parents. I need to see them.”

Josh tried calling both of his parents, both calls when straight to voicemail. They spent 45 minutes looking through every drawer, every cabinet, anywhere they might find where his parents’ condo could be.

“Josh!” Liv came out of the kitchen after finding a brochure for Hidden Cliffs Senior Solutions buried under a bunch of magazines.

“Oh my God…” Josh breathed out and Liv flipped through the pamphlet. “Did I…did JFUTZ…?”

“There’s a phone number, call and ask if they’re there.”

Liv and Josh tentatively walked inside Hidden Cliffs Senior Solutions.

“This is not a sweet condo.” Liv whispered as they approached the front desk.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up here, mister.” Gabe angrily approached them.

“Dad, what- what is this place?” Josh looked around wide eyed. He’d never in his right mind put his parents somewhere like this.

“Very funny, you’re a wisenheimer now?” He didn’t even seem to recognize Liv. “Who’s this, your new girlfriend? Listen here sweetheart, make a run for it now. He’s not one for loyalty, look what he did to his parents.” He turned to Josh. “Why are you even here?”

Josh looked stunned. “I’m- I’m here to see you and mom…”

“Oh, you’re full of them today, you’re a regular comedian. You know what? You’re funnier than the entertainment they have in this prison, which is no entertainment at all.” He spat at Josh. “We can’t even get cable! The thing no one even wants anymore.”

“Wait, dad, wait, where’s mom?” Josh followed after his dad as he tried to leave.

“She wouldn’t want to talk to you and I don’t blame her.” He pointed an accusing finger at Josh. “That house was going to be yours one day. It’s the Futturman house, but you just couldn’t wait, could you?”

“I- I’m sorry. Dad, that wasn’t me-“

“It’s my fault. We never should have named you Joosh. You were made fun of as it hardened your heart. We were inspired by that Latino fellow and his girlfriend who introduced me and your mother.” Josh shot Liv a confused look. “It doesn’t matter. You’re more JFUTZ than Joosh now.” He tried to walk away again, Josh and Liv followed him to a soup dispensing machine.

“No, no, no, no, I’m Joosh, I’m the same sweet Joosh you remember, dad-“

“You got a court order declaring us mentally incompetent and putting us in this place.” Gabe shook his head in disgust at his son.

“Josh…” Liv whispered in shock.

“You don’t get to call me ‘dad’ anymore.” Gabe stated, putting change into the soup machine.

“Here, let me-“ Josh reached into his pocket to give his dad some change.

“I don’t want your money, that dirty money that corrupted you. You used to play video games for fun, and then you got a taste of success and the hangers-on started rushing in, and you liked it.” He said coldly. “You had two best friends, me and your mom, but that wasn’t enough for you.” Josh looked at Liv, who looked up at Gabe sadly. “Oh great,” Gabe huffed. “I wanted turkey chili and it gave me split pea.”

“Let’s just go get mom and we’ll go home.” Josh tried to take his dad’s arm, but Gabe wouldn’t budge.

“No, no-“ his soup spilt all over Josh’s white sweater, the one Liv had had on earlier. “Great.” Gabe rolled his eyes. “There goes the dinner I didn’t even want. Just get the hell out of here.” Gabe seethed.

Josh stared at his dad in shock. “Dad-“

“Do I have to call security? Get out!”

“Josh, let’s just go…” Liv said quietly, pulling his arm. As Liv dragged Josh out, he looked back at his dad as tears brimmed in his eyes.

“Liv, my parents-“

“I know, Josh.” She whispered, tears in her eyes too. It was dark when they got home.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Josh mumbled sadly, pressing a kiss to Liv’s temple. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” Liv said quietly, hugging him tightly from the side. “…did you leave that scary sex roll down here?”

“No, it was probably Tiger or something.” Josh sighed, starting up the stairs, pulling off the stained sweater.

Liv pulled down Destiny the sex doll’s robe, so that she couldn’t see her fake ass anymore. She curled up on the couch and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. Josh’s house felt empty without Diane offering her a cookie or Gabe telling her about the latest drama in his sister-in-law’s life. Liv zoned out and didn’t even notice she’d stopped channel surfing on a football game. Her eyes grew heavy as she started to doze off. The day had started out so amazing, only to fall apart like a jenga tower right before her eyes. A commotion in the bathroom made her eyes fly open. She sat up.

“Josh?” She called. No answer. Her heart stopped. What if a Biotic had broken into the house? She rushed up the stairs and threw the bathroom door open. “Josh, are you-“

Through the steam in the room, she could make out Josh, standing naked next to…Josh…who was also naked. Josh, her Josh, spun around, eyes wide. The other Josh, with a nipple piercing and ear piercings, looked at her and quirked an eyebrow, smirking. Liv shrieked. “What the fuck is going on?!”

“I don’t know!” Josh cried.

Other Josh’s eyes slid over Liv. “And who the fuck are you…clone me’s friend?” He raised a can of JOOSH energy drink to his lips. That’s when it hit her.

“Are…are you Joosh?” She clenched the door handle tightly.

Joosh narrowed his eyes at her. “It’s JFUTZ, bitch.”

“Do NOT call Liv a bitch.” Josh demanded loudly.

Joosh cocked his head. “Liv…? Kronish Labs girl?” He chuckled darkly. Josh took a step back, as if he were trying to shield her. “I remember you.” His eyes slid over her unapologetically again. She stiffened, Josh did too.

“You remember a different me.” Liv spat, glowering at him.

“What, you from another timeline too?” Joosh’s voice was condescending as he took a menacing step towards both of them, which wasn’t that menacing considering he was butt-ass naked. Liv and Josh still flinched.

“Yeah, actually…” Liv’s voice was high.

“Don’t come any closer!” Josh held out a defensive hand.

Joosh rolled his eyes. “Or what? We gonna fight? Let’s dance, clone.” He curled his hands into fists, looking as though he were itching to get into it.

“I am not a clone!” Josh cried, flinching again as Joosh got into a fighting stance. Joosh came at him.

Liv, still terrified and shocked, automatically dropped down and ducked, even though the swing wasn’t aimed at her. “Nose to brain, nose to brain!” She yelled to Josh, who was scurrying backward.

Josh spun around and whacked Joosh in the nose, making him stumble back, holding his face. He raised his eyes to glare at Josh, who whipped his head around to look at Liv in shock.

“Did you just hit my nose?!” Joosh snapped. Josh stammered, turning around.

“I- I didn’t- Liv, I don’t have anymore-“ he was scurrying back again.

Joosh wiped a small stream of blood that began to drip from his nose, eyes darkening. “Oh-ho-ho,” he shook his head, smirking. “Big mistake!” Josh backed into Liv, holding onto her.

Joosh reeled back, ready to lunge, but his feet slipped out from under him, tumbling backwards. With a sickening crack, his head slammed against the lip of the shower. There was blood pooling around JFUTZ’s head. Josh and Liv stared at the scene with wide eyes and holding onto each other's arms in stunned silence. Liv started screaming first.

“What the hell?!”

“I don’t know?!” Josh clenched onto her even tighter.

“He- what- what?!”

Josh side-stepped over to the corpse, kicking Josh’s foot with his. When Joosh didn’t move, he let out a horrified sound. “I killed JFUTZ!”

Liv side-stepped to stand over the corpse too. “I…I think he might have killed himself?”

Josh glared up at Liv. “Let me have this one thing, okay?”

“How was he here?!” Liv strung her fingers through her hair as she turned away.

“He must have come home early when we weren’t here? I…I don’t know? He thought I was a clone assassin? Because those exist here? I- I-“ Josh paced around, freaking out. “And then- and then he wouldn’t stop looking at my dick, and then he was perving on you, and- oh my God JFUTZ is dead! What do we do?”

Liv turned around to face Josh. “We find Tiger and Wolf, that’s what we do. I’m willing to bet that they’re in the sewer.” She looked over at him. “Get dressed. We’ll deal with him- you- JFUTZ…in a sec. I’m confused.”

Josh hurried and got dressed and they carried JFUTZ down to the table and laid him there for Tiger and Wolf to see, covering his crotch with a JOOSH washcloth. Bolting to the sewers, they conjured up a plan, thankfully finding Tiger and Wolf down there.

“Guys, guys, stop, stop, stop.” Josh panted as he climbed down the ladder.

“Josh, Liv, out of our way.” Tiger said, not even greeting them or seeming happy to see them. “We got a tower to take down.”

Josh helped Liv down to the ground. “Look, we’re here to help. I was wrong. Liv and I agreed that we belong down here in this sewer with you guys.”

“Yeah, we fucked up this timeline so bad that we’re kind of anomalies.” Liv said. They figured out that if JFUTZ existed another Liv was out there somewhere, and the real Liv and Josh weren’t supposed to be in JFUTZ and other Liv’s 2017.

“Yeah, we should be here and not in some fire proof palace.” Josh said.

“Sweet callback.” Wolf grinned.

“We’re in this with you guys,” Liv swung her arm around Josh.

“Till the end.” Josh wrapped an arm around Liv’s waist.

“Okay.” Wolf nodded, smiling slightly. “I’m gonna whip you guys up a C-4 belt.”

“No- no, no, no. We don’t have to die. Liv and I have a plan.” He said proudly.

Leading Tiger and Wolf back into the house, they introduced them to the deceased JFUTZ.

“How is this possible?” Tiger asked quietly, looking at Wolf.

“It’s like Liv said, we’re anomalies, other versions of us exist here. And because JFUTZ isn’t actually me, he never finished playing ‘Biotic Wars’, so no one has beaten it.” Josh said.

“I realized that while I was finding something to cover JFUTZ’s dick.” Liv said proudly.

“Yes, thank you Liv.” Josh said. He held up a copy of the game. “And we Bloogled it on my Blapple.”

“So?” Tiger picked up JFUTZ’s leg and let it fall against the table. Wolf moved the cloth up slightly to check out what JFUTZ was packing.

“So? That means that there’s another version of you two in the future waiting to come back for me.” Josh explained excitedly.

“Glad you didn’t get this one?” Wolf mumbled to Liv, looking at JFUTZ’s dick.

“Wolf!” She hissed and smacked his arm. “Not right now.”

“This is an entirely different reality,” Josh continued. “Your whole team could still be alive.”

“I also realized that part!” Liv added excitedly.

“I always knew you’d be the genius of this group.” Wolf fist bumped her proudly.

“Look, all I have to do is go and beat the game again and we get another Tiger and another Wolf and who knows who else.” Josh said.

“No. It’ll just be us.” Tiger said. “They’ll all die in the tunnel. Again.” She looked down at the ground. Wolf had told Liv about how they were the last two living soldiers from their time after everyone else on their team was blasted by poisonous DMC gas in a tunnel while they were trying to find the TTD. Liv knew Tiger blamed herself.

“Groundhog Day.” Wolf said, making everyone send him confused looks. “Andie MacDowell. I hit that.”

“No, they don’t have to die.” Josh said, eyes bright with ideas. “We can send them a message through the game and tell them to go a different way!” Tiger and Wolf looked hopeful, but worried. “Guys, we can get your whole team back. Who was there? Uh, Mongoose, Butterfly, Owl before he got that brainworm thing you were telling me about.”

“Myrm.” Tiger said. “He was myrmed.”

“Yes. How would you guys like a pre-myrmed Owl?” Josh shot Liv a big grin. God, he was adorable when he got excited about his ideas.

Tiger and Wolf glanced at each other, not trying to get their hopes up. “Let’s do it.” Tiger said.

“Avoid..the…tun…nel.” Josh spelled out. Instead of Future Man, he decided he would choose a name that would alert future Tiger and Wolf which way to go. “See? Now the future yous will take a different way in.”

“You genius.” Liv gave Josh an encouraging slap on the back.

“I’m Tiger, this is Wolf,” Game Tiger said as Josh started up the game. “You’re our newest recruit.”

“Come fight.” Game Wolf growled.

“Welcome to the Resistance.”

“Look at that handsome guy, huh?” Wolf nudged Liv’s arm and pointed at the screen to his likeness.

It took Josh hours to play through the game. There were 83 levels that were all progressively harder than the last. Wolf got busy preparing food for when their team was transported to 2017, bouncing back and forth from the living room and the kitchen.

Tiger stood by Josh’s side, holding a glass of juice as she watched. “Juice me!” Josh would say any time he got thirsty. Tiger would quickly step forward at let him sip from the straw.

Wolf made food for Josh which he claimed would “enhance his ability to play good”.

Liv helped move furniture around to make room for the people who were about to be standing in the living room. Wolf breezed past them and placed some fancy plates of finger food on a table.

“They’ll be peckish when they arrive.” He said to Liv, as he placed them nicely around the table. “Don’t wanna give them palate shock, so best stick to simple hors d’oeurves.” He turned around and rolled his eyes at Josh, who had his back to them, playing feverishly. “Not sure how I’m going to do that without a melon baller, but I suppose I’ll make do.”

“Not his house, Wolfie.” Liv pat Wolf’s back as he walked past her, throwing his hands in the air all animated.

As the furniture was stacked by Tiger and Liv, Wolf wandered back into the living room. “You got any crème fraîche?” Wolf muttered in Josh’s ear.

“Uh, no.” Josh mumbled back, blasting a Biotic in the game. Wolf huffed and went back into the kitchen. Liv eventually plopped down by Josh’s seat, sitting on the floor and resting her head on his thigh. She was the only welcome distraction, even if she wasn’t really distracting him.

“Ah, Liv,” he said as she rested her cheek on his leg. “My good luck charm. Remember when you helped me beat this level?” Level 69, she remembered. Josh claimed that she helped him beat this level by never shutting up about how it was level 69. At the time he was yelling for her to shut up, but when he beat the level first try he switched up immediately.

“Oh I remember.” Liv laughed.

As Josh continued to play, Liv dozed off every now and then against his leg. It was about 2am. Liv was jostled awake a couple times by Josh moving around while he played. Every time he would repeat apologies to her over and over and lean down to kiss the crown of her head. He really liked that Liv was right there next to him. Liv drifted in and out of sleep as Tiger and Wolf bustled around them.

Finally, around 4:35 am, someone woke her up by tapping her on the shoulder. It was Wolf.

“Wolf, let her sleep.” Josh whispered.

“She might want to be awake for this.” Wolf mumbled. Liv lifted her head, eyes bleary.

“Hey, Liv.” Josh said gently. “I’m on the last level.”

“Grape?” Wolf offered, crouched down next to her, a small handful of grapes cupped in his hand. She took one and popped it into her mouth.

“Just play the level.” Tiger said, sounding antsy.

“Okay, okay,” Josh said, unpausing the game. Liv took two more grapes from Wolf’s hand. “All I have to do is shed all of my armor and weapons,” he muttered, unequipping everything. “Take the secret passageway past the Jizzadrian kill squad, dodge those perfs, that leads directly to the big boss.” Josh muttered as he played through. They all crowded closely around Josh, eyes wide as they watched him. “Okay, here’s Dr. Genocide, slit his evil throat,” Josh made his character slit the boss’ throat. “Hit the detonator,” Josh was growing louder as he got closer to beating the game. “Slide down the fire tube without being burned alive, all before the kill scraper explodes!” Just like that Josh beat the game. Again. He stood up proudly and dropped his controller.

“Boom.” He said, proudly. Tiger and Wolf looked impressed. Liv was beaming from ear to ear.

“God, that was hot.” She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Congratulations. You’ve achieved the ranking of savior.” Game Tiger said as Josh kissed Liv back.

“Disgusting.” Tiger groaned as she shielded her eyes. Josh flipped Tiger off as he deepened the kiss. Wolf looked at them lovingly.

“I love love.” He whispered, looking emotional.

Liv and Josh pulled away, grinning at each other lovingly. “That should do it.” He said, looking around while still holding Liv close.

“Do you think I made enough food?” Wolf asked.

“You know what Wolf, I don’t but I didn’t want to say anything.” Tiger sighed. “We need to back up,” she pulled Liv and Josh apart and they backed all the way back to the couch against the wall. “There are about to be 45 bloodthirsty warriors up in this piece.”

They saw lightning begin to form, the room even shook and buzzed a little. Josh grabbed Liv’s hand. Wolf grabbed Liv’s shoulders to brace himself and Tiger held onto Josh’s elbow as the lightning got more and more intense.

A/N: There’s only one chapter left RAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! But! Don’t worry! I’m writing a season 2 installment as we speak!! Everyone say “thank you heydorothea009”!! Fun fact, it was my birthday yesterday! Yay! Contrary to popular belief, (no one has ever asked this) I’m 21, and the 009 in my username is not bc I was born in 2009, but simply bc “dorothea” is a song from Taylor Swift’s 9th album “evermore” (my favorite album by the way), and the 009 is bc heydorothea9 and heydorothea09 were taken. There’s some heydorothea009 lore for you!! Anyways, thanks for reading so far!! You guys mean the world!!!

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI PLEASE AND THANK YOU), porn with plot ig, Wolf misses cocaine 😔

Chapter 10 (pt. 1): Prelude To An Apocalypse

“Any…any chance that’s good?” Josh asked, leaning back to look up at the tall tower. This was not the Kronish Labs that Liv and Josh knew.

“That’s the Kronitorium,” Tiger said, fear seeping into her voice. “That’s where the super cure was engineered, where the Biotics were born.” She looked frantically from the tower to Liv and Josh. “This building isn’t supposed to exist for another fifty years.”

“Fifty years?” Josh looked at Liv and then back at Tiger. “Well, Kronish should be long gone by then.”

“Kronish was only supposed to cure herpes. That research was the basis for the super cure, which didn’t happen for years after he died.” She was sounding more and more frantic, voice breaking. “So, whatever you said to him drove him to work on the super cure himself. What the FUCK did you say to Kronish?”

“Nothing! Nothing, we didn’t say anything!” Josh blurted out, backing into Liv, away from Tiger’s wrath. Liv looked at him with a guilty face. They did say something. “I mean, you know, we had to get him on the boat, so we told him to follow his heart and choose love,” Liv slowly shook her head at him. “And…maybe we may have peppered in, like, a little bit of detail about his future…”

Tiger took a menacing step at both of them, hands outstretched as if she might strangle them both. They both took a scared step back away from her, cowering. “What?” She lashed. “You never tell anyone about their future, that is time travel 101! I even know that and I didn’t go to your stupid made up time travel college!” She spat.

“Maybe there’s still time before the cure’s released.” Liv interjected. “Maybe we can go back in time and fix this!”

“Maybe there’s, like, a really cool solution that we don’t know about yet…in the future!” Josh added.

“No, no, no,” Tiger pointed an accusatory finger at both of them. “There is no ‘we’. Coming back for you and thinking you were our savior? That was the biggest mistake I’ve made in my life.” She said to Josh. “There’s only one way to fix this, and I’m doing it by myself.” She stormed away from them, clutching the TTD tightly.

“Tiger, wait!” Liv called after her.

“Tiger, where are you going?” Josh took a few steps after her.

“Far away from you, fuck nose!” She shot back at him.

“Don’t give up on me!” He gave a defeated groan as Tiger flipped him off and stormed away at an impressive pace. He turned back to Liv, who looked at him with a worried expression.

“Josh…” she whispered. It was the possum incinerator all over again.

“Come on, let’s see what we’re dealing with here.” He grumbled quietly, breezing past her as he made his way over to the Kronitorium. Liv rushed after him. As they entered, their eyes grew wider, not recognizing a single thing about the building. People were scanning their hands to enter into the main labs from the lobby.

“Okay…” Liv muttered, intertwining her hand in Josh’s, staying close to his side.

“Shit,” he muttered back, realizing they probably would not have clearance. “Should we…should we try?” He whispered.

“I mean, we technically worked here, I think…” She looked around the lobby again.

They nervously approached the scanners, gripping onto each other’s hands tightly, scared that if they let go they’d somehow lose the other.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” A voice said from behind them.

They turned their heads to look at the person. Carl the Biotic who Tiger and Wolf killed stood behind them. Josh and Liv jumped.

“Holy shit!” Josh blurted out. “Carl!”

“Do I know you?” Carl asked, towering over them, not in a threatening way, but in a protective security guard way.

“No,” Liv said. “I’m- I’m Liv Branson, this is Josh Futturman. We work here, we should be in the system.” She said, trying not to sound nervous.

“We just forgot our IDs.” Josh said, remembering how both of their IDs were left back in the 80s. Dammit.

Carl looked to another security guard who typed “Liv Branson” into the computer system. Immediately a picture of Liv and Josh (Josh in lingerie) appeared. Their faces fell. The computer blared an alarm. Carl and another security guard seized the two of them without another word, throwing them out of the building.

“Ow! Ow! Okay!” Carl shoved Josh away from the door. Liv was pushed out next to him.

“Come back and we’ll have you both arrested.” Carl said sternly.

“…okay…” They turned away from the building, confused. “How did they even have that picture?” Embarrassment was evident in Josh’s voice.

“Go away, go away!” Somebody from a bench behind them was whining. “No, no, no!” They looked over to see Stu Camillo trying to eat his lunch, shooing pigeons away from him. Josh broke away from Liv’s side to inch closer to him in shock.

“Stu!” He said. Stu’s head snapped up, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

“D-did I take your bench? I-I’m sorry!” He stammered, leaping to his feet.

“No, Stu, it’s me- it- what are you doing?” He asked as Stu hurried away, looking back at them repeatedly.

“That was weird…” Liv muttered, appearing right next to Josh’s side again. “Stu isn’t in charge here?”

“What the fuck is going on with this timeline?” Josh swore. He sighed and took Liv’s hand again. “Can we…can we go back to my house? I don’t know what to do right now.” He sounded defeated. “We don’t have a job, no one seems to know us here, I just want to see my parents.”

“I wanna see your parents too.” Liv said. The walk back to Josh’s house was tame thankfully, and as they approached Josh’s house they both felt relief settle over them. At least something was familiar. The familiarity was gone the second they entered the house. Josh slowed down as he took in the sight of his- no, someone else’s house, and Liv softly gasped behind him. The wallpaper, the decorations, nothing was the same.

“Is this even your house?” Liv asked quietly, beginning to panic.

“What the…” Josh exhaled, taking in the sight. It was so modern, with a touch of Asian cultural aesthetics. Whoever’s house this was, it was boujee as hell.

“Oh! Hey, JFUTZ!” A man’s voice excitedly greeted them, making Josh and Liv both jump out of their skin. Paul and Tracy from the video game store got off the couch to greet them. “You’re home earls bro!” Paul said cheerfully.

“How was Macau, you rock that shit?” Tracy excitedly walked up to them and saw Liv. “Oh! Paul, he brought home a girlfriend!”

“Ooh! JFUTZ! This your girl?”

“Wow! Trend alert! Say goodbye to leather and mesh, huh?”

“Hello retro!”

“How was the tourney? The crowd looked sick, like, bigger than BlizzCon. Like, sick, dude.”

Liv slowly turned to look at Josh’s overwhelmed face. “Um. Yeah, yeah it was bigger than BlizzCon for sure.” He tried saying as naturally as he could. Tracy and Paul looked at Liv, expecting her to introduce herself.

“I’m Liv.” She said.

“Nice to meet you Liv, Josh’s girl.” Tracy winked at her. Liv gave Josh a look, bumping his hip with hers. Josh’s brain finally caught up to what Paul and Tracy were saying about Liv and he looked at her with pink cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah…” his eyes were soft. “My girl.” Liv’s eyes practically had hearts in them.

Paul and Tracy melted with awwws. “You guys are, like, couple goals!” Paul said.

“The…um, thing was crazy,” Liv spoke up. “There were like, so many people.” She wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but she sure was acting like she did. Josh was still looking at her with love struck puppy dog eyes, processing the tingly feeling he got from calling Liv “his girl”. “We’re kinda jet lagged right now, so….”

“Jet lag? JFUTZ flies private, I thought they like, engineered out the jet leg or something.” Paul chuckled as he and Tracy walked into the kitchen. Josh and Liv followed close behind.

Josh snapped out of his trance. “Private?” Paul and Tracy both stopped what they were doing and gave him a confused look. “Oh, yeah. I think it’s a new- uh- new thing they’re figuring out-“ he cut himself off, realizing what was missing. “Hey, uh, where are my parents?”

“At the dope ass condo you put them in!” Tracy reminded him enthusiastically.

“World’s greatest son alert!” Paul pointed at him and raised the roof, imitating some kind of bird sound.

Josh looked at Liv with an even more confused look. He looked back to Tracy and Paul. “Would you excuse us for a moment?” He grabbed Liv’s hand and led her towards the stairs. Paul wolf whistled at them.

“Sure thing you two, don’t get too loud.” Tracy winked after them. Before Liv or Josh had time to process what she’d said, they were up the stairs and walking into the bathroom, and shutting the door behind them.

“Where the fuck are we?” Josh whispered, looking amazed. Liv looked around at the glass sinks, the bamboo wallpaper, and the impressively big shower.

“Woah…” she breathed out, pointing to a control panel on the wall. Josh walked over to observe it, still amazed at how high tech everything was. He fumbled with his phone as he got it out of his pocket and sat on the toilet. “What are you doing?” She asked, leaning over him and looking down at his phone, everything was upside down.

Josh looked up at her with a goofy grin as all of her hair dangled in his face. “Googling myself. Sorry, Bloogling myself…my name is Joosh here?”

“That name was stupid.” She giggled as he poked her side.

“Shut up Liv, you don’t have to call me that.” He chuckled as he kept scrolling through the articles about him. “I gave a TED Talk?” His smile grew bigger as he scrolled through pictures that came up. A few key words caught his eye. “…‘Fortune off AOL shares’? Is that-“ Josh flipped his phone around for Liv to see. “Is that Uncle Barry?”

“He took your advice!” Liv said excitedly as she looked at the picture of JFUTZ and Uncle Barry accepting an award. “‘Founder of the Robotics company ‘Future Man’!” She read. “Josh, this is amazing!”

Josh scrolled past pictures of him on magazines, videos of him promoting a sports drink called ‘JOOSH’, and the fact is net worth was 6 Million Euros. “I think that’s a lot of money!” Josh gasped, showing Liv. Liv knelt next to him, watching as he continued to deep dive.

“I’m in Ibiza!” He showed her paparazzi pictures of him. “…I have a Bentley.” He gasped excitedly, leaning back, head hitting the control panel.

“Engaging, rainforest mode.” A robotic voice said. Liv and Josh looked around as mist began to sprinkle down from the ceiling.

“Rainforest mode?” Josh raised his arms up, as if he were welcoming the mist. “My life rules!” He cried, ecstatically, wrapping his arms around Liv and pulling her in for a kiss. “My life fucking rules.” He grinned into the kiss. Liv let Josh pull her into his lap as she deepened the kiss.

They spent about 15 more minutes in the bathroom. Josh kissed down her neck, finally finding the spot that made her pant in his ear (and made his dick twitch). As Josh kissed along Liv’s collar bone, pulling her collar down to gain more access to her skin, the mist shut off, making them both pull away, faces flushed.

“Maybe we should…”

“Yeah,” Liv got off his lap and pulled Josh into one last kiss as they exited the bathroom. They walked down the stairs as nonchalantly as they could, clothes and hair both damp. Paul and Tracy were wiping down the shelves and dusting off picture frames in the living room.

“Oh, you guys don’t have to worry about that. I’ve got someone to do that for me, right?” Josh said.

“Oh yeah, yeah.” Paul dropped the rag.

“We alerted the crew as usual, but if you’re super jet lagged we can tell ‘em to fuck off.” Tracy said.

“The crew? No, don’t tell them that, I’d love to see the crew!” Josh said excitedly. He had more friends than just Liv in this universe?

“Oh! And your present is getting here from Japan today!” Paul said.

“No way! A present?” Josh looked excitedly at Liv.

“Just got an alert this morning that it will be delivered today.”

“That’s- that’s so exciting!” Liv said, not knowing what they meant by present.

JFUTZ’s friends showed up, and Liv and Josh knew none of them. As more and more people showed up and crowded the living room, Liv felt more and more uncomfortable. Josh was having a blast with his crew, while Liv sat next to him, her leg bouncing nervously. She always liked when it was just her and Josh, and she was finding that she wasn’t a fan of the crew.

“My prediction is, hear me out, Governor Amal Clooney.” Josh said to a group of people. The topic of conversation was which celebrities would go into politics in the future. “I give it until 2023. Mark my words.” Josh said as the people laughed and shook their heads. Liv slipped her hand into his. Josh’s head snapped over to look at her. “You okay?” He asked softly. She hadn’t said much since the house began to crowd.

“Mhm.” She lied.

“Liv.” He whispered.

“Yo Joosh! Want some JOOSH?” Tracy called, holding a bottle of the sports drink up.

“I’m okay, thanks though!” Josh called back, hand sliding over Liv’s thigh. “Liv,” his voice dropped back to a low octave. “Do you want to get away from the crowd?”

“…kinda, but- but if you’re having fun-“

“I’m not having fun anymore, you look overwhelmed.” Josh stood up, holding a hand out to help her up. “Let’s go check out my room, we haven’t seen that yet.” He suggested, giving her a warm smile. They walked upstairs, going unnoticed by the absolute ocean of people in his living room. Walking into Josh’s room, he gently hugged her. “I’m sorry, I thought the crew would be, like, a normal sized friend group.”

“It’s okay.” Liv gave him a small, grateful smile. Josh’s new room had his bed in the middle, right under a giant light up sign that said “SIN” that hung on a chevron print wall. “Oh! Sin!” She laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Oh, JFUTZ…” Josh laughed awkwardly, his cheeks heating up. Liv bumped her shoulder into Josh’s.

“You’re JFUTZ, dipshit.” She teased. “You hung that on your wall.” She poked his arm.

“Nuh uh,” Josh playfully rolled his eyes.

“Yuh huh,” Liv grabbed his face and peppered it with kisses. Josh’s eyes squeezed shut and a dorky grin spread over his lips. Her arms stung around his neck. “So, Joosh-“

“Don’t call me that.”

“How does it feel to have accomplished so much?” She asked in a teasing tone.

“Come on, Liv, that wasn’t really me, that was JFUTZ. I’m just Josh.” Josh blushed.

“A humble man, I like it.” She teased.

“You like it?” He was grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey now, don’t let your ego get too big.” She grinned that suggestive grin that she got whenever she made a dirty joke.

Josh chuckled. “Dirty jokes are banned.” He joked, rolling his eyes.

“The sign welcomes it.” She nodded to the “SIN” sign and pushed away from Josh, strolling away casually to examine the room.

Josh immediately missed her arms around him. He missed her body being so painfully close yet far away from his. Liv had been in his room plenty of times before, but this wasn’t his room. Seeing her sit on his- no- Joosh’s bed still somehow made his heart thud. It was technically his bed though, right? In some way?

Liv had said something to him, but he didn’t hear it, he was thinking about kissing her again, missing the feeling of her lips molding against his. He wanted to taste the flavor of that same tropical scented lip balm she'd used for three years, and wanted to feel her fingers in his hair. He wanted her. She was right there, and the little glances she kept shooting to him alluded to her wanting him too. He knew she did, he saw the way she looked at him in lingerie. Too bad they didn’t have that anymore.

“Josh,” Liv giggled, adjusting to sit cross legged on the bed. “I asked you a question.”

Josh sat on the edge of the bed. “What?”

“I said, would you decorate your room this weird if you could?”

Josh glanced around, shaking his head. “Absolutely not.” He glanced at the chevron patterned walls.

Liv motioned for him to sit closer to her. Josh sat on the bed, cross legged just like her. “Is your bed this comfy at home?” She asked.

Josh pressed his hands into the mattress. It was some kind of memory foam bed, and it was a thousand times nicer than his old one. “This was probably hella expensive, I wish.”

Liv laughed. “It’s really nice.” She giggled as she grabbed his face and kissed him deeply, feeling Josh eagerly kiss her back, hands moving to her waist immediately. God, she loved that feeling. She uncrossed her legs, moving onto her knees, hovering over him. Josh’s lips never left hers, instead he craned his head upward as she moved up. She pulled away so she could look down at him. There was a glimmer in his eyes, she guessed it was one of arousal.

“This is really nice.” He whispered, face flushing. “How long do we have in this room?” He asked breathlessly.

“What?”

“Back in the 80s you said only 15 minutes, and then you said 16, but how long do we have now?”

She smiled down at him and laughed, climbing into his lap. “17.”

“17 what?”

“Hopefully not seconds, I hope you last longer than that.” She grinned, the same glimmer in her own eyes. His eyes widened. Oh. Oh!

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Their lips crashed together. The kiss was electrifying this time, Liv couldn’t hold back an excited little groan.

Josh pulled away, pupils enormous. “You can’t do that to me, Liv.” He muttered, cheeks glowing redder and redder.

“I can and I will.” She wrapped her legs tightly around him and recaptured his lips. Liv swore Josh’s eyes rolled back.

Josh’s hands moved to the nape of her neck, tangling themselves in her hair. Liv let out a small groan, feeling him play with her hair.

“God. Do you know what you’re doing to me right now?” He mumbled, eyes fluttering open as she pulled away to catch her breath.

“I can feel it.” She muttered in his ear. Josh’s dick was pressing against her thigh, making her feel dizzy.

“Oh God… sorry…” Josh seemed embarrassed.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Liv tilted her head down at him. “It’s the reaction I was hoping for.”

Josh’s hands traveled down her back and ran over her thighs. “Can I tell you something?”

“Oh, what? Are you a virgin?” She teased.

“What? No!” Josh’s face twisted with a mock offended look. “No, I’m not a virgin! I was going to tell you that I think your legs feel nice wrapped around me, but now I don’t want to.”

“Well, you just told me.” Liv teased, squeezing her legs. Josh couldn’t help but let out a little whimper.

“Shut up, Liv.” He managed to breath out, grabbing her hips. His whimper paired with his grabbing her hips only made her want to do it more. So she did, squeezing her thighs harder around him, feeling his erection dig into her thigh more. Josh muffled his whining against her mouth, addicted to her. He kissed so gently, his lips moving against hers felt so perfect. Liv had kissed other guys, admittedly not that many, but enough to know that this was the most intimate and dizzying kiss she’d ever received. Probably because she’d secretly been fantasizing about this moment every night before she fell asleep for years.

She unbuttoned a button on his shirt, feeling his hands shyly wandering her back, clearly wanting to go down and grab her ass, but seeming too shy to go through with the action.

“If you want me to take my shirt off, you could just ask.” Josh said, unbuttoning the rest of the buttons and pulling the ugly pink shirt off.

“Ugh, finally.” Liv teased, running her fingers over his collar bone. “You know you’re allowed to touch me anywhere, right?”

“I know.” He said shyly. He saw the way her eyes lit up when he shivered at her touch, the way her fingers dragged over his chest and collar bone. “You’ve seen me like this before.” He said, playfully rolling his eyes and grinning.

“I just think you’re really pretty.” Liv dragged her fingers up the side of his neck, making his eyelids flutter at the feeling.

“Liv…” Was all he could manage to say quietly. Liv seized the opportunity to pull her own tank top off, throwing it over to join Josh’s shirt on the floor next to the bed. Josh’s eyes were wide as his brain malfunctioned. His eyes flicked between her own and her nude colored bra. She laughed at his shock. He looked at her like he’d never seen a woman in just a bra.

“You sure you’re not a virgin? Or are you just really into boobs?” She teased. Josh looked up at her eyes sheepishly. It was definitely the latter option. “Josh Futturman, you’re a boob guy? I’m actually not surprised.”

“Hey, hey!” Josh shook his head. “They’re in my face right now, what am I supposed to do?”

Liv’s lips ghosted his as she whispered against them. “You could always touch them?” She suggested, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra.

Josh couldn’t believe what was happening, he felt as though time had stopped moving. Being here, this close, this intimate with Liv was the first time he felt happy in forever. As she threw her bra aside, Josh stared into her gorgeous brown eyes with his pleading hazel ones. She was completely topless in his lap and yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. He looked so pathetic and needy. And she liked that. A lot.

“You’re allowed to look at me.” She giggled softly.

Josh gave her a shy grin. “I know, I just think you’re just really pretty.” He used her own words. Liv covered her face with her hands, giggling shyly. She could feel Josh’s eyes drift down to her boobs. Josh looked back up at her hands covering her face. He pulled her hands down gently. Liv’s face was tomato red as she giggled. “I’m allowed to touch you, right?” Josh double checked.

“If you don’t I think I’ll scream.” She grinned.

“Well…” Josh grabbed Liv’s hips and rolled over on top of her, making her squeal. His mouth immediately attached to her right boob, hand skimming up her side and cupping her left boob. Liv gasped and let out a shaky moan. She felt Josh’s mouth vibrate as her moan caused him to moan too. Her head rolled back into the bed as he pressed kisses around her hard nipple, before taking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it.

“Oh God…” She panted and let out a heavy sigh, feeling Josh’s other hand wander down and caress her hip through her jean shorts. Josh had never enjoyed something so much in his whole life, sucking on Liv’s tits while listening to her whimper and pant was absolute heaven.

Josh looked up at her through his lashes, watching her jaw slack as she squirmed. He moved his mouth around, sucking and kissing anywhere he felt her breath hitch and her body twitch. Oh, she’d have hickeys for sure. As much as he wanted to stay at her boobs forever, he missed her face, so he kissed up the valley between her breasts, up her collar bone, and up her neck, cupping her breasts with his hands. He rubbed his thumbs over her breasts as he trailed kisses over her jawline and up to her lips. “Okay, maybe I am a boob guy.” He admitted, his hold on her slacking. Liv used the opportunity to roll him over so she was on top again, straddling his waist.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” She giggled. Josh eyed the hickeys forming across her boobs with a proud smile. “My eyes are up here.” She teased, lightly rocking her hips against his. Josh’s hands shot out and grabbed her hips as he let out a strangled moan.

“Holy fucking hell!” He felt Liv’s hands trail up and down his stomach as he closed his eyes, trying to keep from cumming right then and there. Her giggles taunted him. “You’re going to drive me insane.” He felt her fingers land on his belt.

“Yeah?” She taunted. Fuck. Her teasing tone made him melt under her. He opened his eyes as he felt her lift off of him, finding her shimmying down her shorts, stripping down to just her underwear. Josh took the opportunity to get up and take his own pants off, staring at each other as they realized they didn’t have many layers left separating them. “Damn.” Liv breathed out, staring at the absolute rocket in Josh’s boxers. “I’ve gotta admit, I’m a little intimidated.” She said shyly, laying down amongst the pillows on the bed.

“I think I might be too.” Josh had to steady himself as the lightheaded feeling from all the blood in his body rushing to his dick finally caught up to him. “Oh God, I’m-“ he let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Oh! Josh, we can stop if you’re not feeling-“

Josh looked up at her with pleading eyes as he got back on the bed. “No! I want to, trust me, I want to so bad.” He practically whimpered. The sound of his whimper went straight to her pussy. Shit, was she into that? She held out her arms, wrapping Josh in them as he settled down on top of her. His lips immediately found her sensitive spot on her neck, making her whine in his ear. “I like that sound.” He whispered, a sneaky hand moved up to pinch her nipple. She moaned again, louder this time. He brought his face up to hers with a cunning grin. She glared at him playfully and rolled on top of him again, this time exploring his neck with her lips. “Oh Liv, I-“ he was interrupted by Liv finding the sensitive spot, immediately folding and moaning loudly.

Liv smirked against his neck and got to work, leaving hickeys down his neck, hickeys that would be covered by his shirt, but she would know they were there.

“Liv…” he moaned, as she kissed around his collar bone.

“Hm?” She looked up at him innocently, but her hands playing with the waistband of his boxers was anything but.

“Jesus, Liv, just take them off.” He begged, needing some sort of relief. Liv grinned as she shook her head. “Fuck you.” He mumbled.

“What?” She asked smugly. She got off of him and took her own panties off. Feeling Josh’s eyes all over her as his jaw going slack made her feel even more naked than she was.

“Hachi machi,” Josh breathed out. “You’re gorgeous.” Liv couldn’t hold back an amused look.

“I thought I told you to never say that again.” Liv laughed, sitting back on the bed.

“Liv, I’m serious.” Josh was suddenly nervous to touch her again. “I think you’re perfect.”

Liv looked at him, hearts in her eyes. “You think I’m perfect?” She cooed.

“Your smile, your- your eyes, your hair, your laugh…” Josh listed. “Your…your body, your moans.” He tacked on the end. “And your…everything.” His eyes raked over her, giddily. “God, you’re- you’re everything.”

“My moans?” She grinned.

“God,” Josh gathered her in his arms and pulled her back to him. “Your moans are music to my fucking ears.”

Liv straddled his lap again. “I like when you moan too.” She wrinkled her nose as she grinned at him. “You whimper. A lot.” Josh bit his lip as she traced her fingers along the band of his boxers.

“I won’t last any longer if you keep teasing me.” He said quietly.

“Lame.” She snapped the band against his stomach teasingly. He moved her hips off of him, pulling down his boxers. Liv’s jaw dropped. “Oh my fucking God!” She cried. Big was an understatement. A gross understatement. Even Josh was surprised.

“Holy fucking-“ he gasped, staring down at his own dick with wide eyes. “Surprise?” He looked back up her face, trying to read her reaction.

“How- what- will that even fit?!” She asked, her thighs squeezing together, Josh couldn’t tell if it was out of nervousness or excitement.

“Liv, we don’t have to…I don’t want to make you feel-“

“Oh God, Josh, I want to. Don’t worry, I want to. I wanna ride you.” An evil glint sparked in Liv’s eyes. Josh was floored and even more horny. It was definitely excitement.

“…what?”

“I said I wanna ride you.” Liv said again, leaning forward so that their faces were closer. “You know? Sir Mix-A-Lot?”

“Oh- oh, I know,” Josh stammered, heart thrashing against his rib cage, imagining all kinds of scenarios of Liv on top of him. “You wanna…come here?”

“You got a condom?” Liv asked, eyes dropping down to his dick again.

“Shit!” Josh cursed. Josh rolled off the bed and stood at the night stand to his right, rifling through it, praying he’d find one. “I got one!” He pulled out a condom labeled “JOOSH” with his face on it. “Oh. I sell condoms too.” Josh looked up at Liv, who sat patiently on the bed, looking at him in a way that made his heart hammer even harder, his face flush, and his dick throb. “You’re pretty.” He said as he tore open the package.

Liv got visibly flustered. “You’re…prettier.” She said back.

“I don’t think so,” Josh rolled the condom on.

“How long would you say that is?” Liv studied his penis. Cute moment over. “Like, what, 8 feet?” He got back on the bed.

“8 feet?! Neither of us are even that tall.” Josh laughed lightly, before looking at her seriously. “Liv, are you sure?”

“I’ve been sure for a while, Josh.” Liv said. “Joosh, if you will.”

“If you call me Joosh while you’re riding my dick, I think I might cry.” Josh laughed nervously as Liv got closer.

“You don’t want me calling you Joosh?” She teased, hovering over him.

“No. Josh is fine.” He looked nervous. “God, you’re making me anxious.”

Liv’s face fell, looking worried. “Why?”

“Because you’re hot.” Josh said dumbly as he blushed deeper red.

A wave of relief washed over Liv as Josh sat up on his elbows. “You might snap me in half.” She said quietly, referring to his massive fucking horse cock.

“Oh God, I hope I don’t.” Josh’s eyes widened with surprise as she pushed him back down onto his back, dangerously close to lowering herself onto him, but of course she wouldn’t, she was teasing him. Of course not only was she a fucking tease normally but also in bed too.

“You wanna find out?” She asked quietly, batting her eyelashes down at him innocently, but her tone was the exact opposite. Josh's eyes were full of lust and excitement as he looked up at her, nodding as he was unable to formulate words.

He sat back up and kissed her roughly as she sank down onto him as best as she could, lips unattaching as they both reacted. Liv let out a surprised sound as her brows pinched together and she gripped his shoulders for support. She slapped her hand over her mouth. Josh held eye contact with her as he gripped her waist and inhaled shakily, trying to keep it together. He wanted to make sure she was enjoying it first before he let himself do so.

“God…” she finally moaned. Josh let a breathy moan slip out too. They both were gripping each other, panting and trying not to get too loud, but failing miserably. She rolled her hips, making his eyes roll back, much to her delight. He panted, repeating her name along with a string of curse words over and over again. Liv’s nails were digging into his shoulders and she moved, fitting as much of his (Wolf’s) dick as she could inside of her. She chose not to think about the fact that she was technically riding Wolf’s cock.

“Liv- Liv…” Josh whimpered, clearly trying to last as long as he could. She could feel by the way he was trembling and pulsing inside her that he was right on the edge. He’d been that way from the moment he’d been inside her.

“Josh,” She moaned into his mouth as she messily pressed her lips to his. Josh’s eyes rolled back again as Liv threaded her fingers through his hair and her nails lightly scratched at the nape of his neck.

“I’m gonna cum.” He moaned against her lips.

She pulled away with a teasing grin. “Oh- oh yeah?” God, even while she was riding his dick she was teasing him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her tits as she continued to move up and down, and up and down, and up and-

Josh whimpered and whined, hands finally getting brave and sliding to grab her ass. Oh yeah. She was definitely into that. “Li-“ Josh couldn’t even finish moaning her name as he whimpered and buried his face in her shoulder. “Liv, I’m so close.” He moaned.

Liv’s head rolled back as she panted, letting out a whimper herself as she rode him like her life depended on it. “I’m really close too.” She whined, hand snaking down to touch herself somewhere that needed attention. Josh took the hint and replaced her hand, rubbing circles on her clit. “I’m really, really close.” She gasped, kissing his lips again. She let her hips roll again, Josh’s eyes rolled back and shut as his free hand shot up to the small of her back, pulling her body flush against his as he tried his best to move with her hips, slumping against the headboard for support.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered breathlessly, opening his eyes to look directly into hers. “You’re so fucking beautiful- Jesus!” His stomach flexed as he couldn’t hold it in any longer. That feeling drove Liv over the edge too, her body tensing around him. Josh kept his fingers rubbing circles on her clit, knowing he was doing something right by the way she was panting and cursing under her breath, her movements slowing down.

“Jesus, Liv…” Josh whined, watching her struggle to keep it together, and he loved it. That did it. She steadied herself by digging her nails into Josh’s shoulders as she came.

“Josh, oh God, oh fuck, oh Josh-“ Her repeating his name was like a choir of dirty angels singing to him. She collapsed against him, eyelids heavy from exhaustion, burying her face in the crook of his neck for a moment. She pulled her face away to look at him with her glossy eyes, cheeks glowing and flushed, and her eyelids still half lidded. “You’re- you’re okay?” She breathed out. Josh looked equally as flushed, his hair messy from Liv raking her fingers through it.

“I think I should be asking you that.” He chuckled wearily. Liv hadn’t moved off, twitching and heaving around his cock.

“I’m fine- I’m fine.” She panted. “You feel really good.”

“Jesus,” Josh gasped as she squeezed around him accidentally. “You feel like heaven.” He sharply inhaled. Liv kissed him gently on the lips, smiling. No one had ever told her that. She slowly lifted herself off of him, slumping down against him. Her lips grew more intense.

“I like this feeling.” She whispered as she pulled away. Josh’s fingers trailed around the small of her back and up her sides. She pushed herself up, sitting against his lower stomach as Josh’s fingers made their way around to her stomach and up to her tits.

“Remember what Kronish said about holding each other being the best part?” Josh whispered, motioning for her to lay down on him.

Liv gave a tired chuckle. “I do.” She laid on top of him, kissing him deeply. He rolled them both onto their sides as they kissed lazily, both giggling and pulling apart.

“It really is the best part.” Josh said as he pulled Liv into him and he buried his face in her neck.

Tiger helped Wolf sling his right arm over her shoulder as she helped him up the steps to Josh’s house. Tiger had ditched Liv and Josh and traveled to the 40s where she did NOT kill baby Kronish. Instead she became his nanny. For years.

Wolf had not in fact died like Tiger alluded to, instead he stayed up until the 90s, becoming a famous chef, feeding famous people from all over the world.

Tiger had come back to present day to find Wolf was dead, immediately finding his suicide note in the form of a recorded message left behind in their sewer lair. She traveled back to find Wolf right as he was about to end it in front of their good friend Skarsgaard, giving him another slice to the face to match his three scars on his right cheek.

Wolf was going through it, he couldn’t walk super well, he needed help standing up straight. Tiger, in full 40s attire with her gingham dress, kicked open her door to Josh’s house, only to be met with stares of random people.

“Um,” someone said, blinking at them. “Are you here for the party?” People were wearing headsets and pointing remotes at a huge TV, blending and drinking smoothies, and nowhere in this obnoxious and loud sea of people were the two little people they were looking for.

“Yes.” Tiger stated, adjusting her hold on Wolf.

“Where’s Liv?” Wolf asked, sounding pained. “And Josh too, I guess.” He grumbled at the end.

A sea of hands pointed towards the stairs towards Josh’s room.

“Thank you, strangers” Tiger nodded at them as she helped Wolf up the stairs.

“Liv has probably missed me so much, I never got to say goodbye.” Wolf said dramatically. An entire section of his suicide message was dedicated to her, saying how he loved her so much and wished she could have tried the food he made, thanking her for being the first to tell him how amazing the chocolate he made for the Kronish Ball was. It was sweet. Sickly sweet. It had made Tiger a little jealous even though the rest of it was dedicated to her.

“She’s fine.” Tiger sighed as they reached the top of the stairs. “They’re probably plotting how to get into the Kronitorium in Josh’s room.”

As they reached Josh’s room they paused. They could hear the strangled sounding moans coming from inside. Whimpers and moans.

“What’s going on?” Tiger pressed her ear to the door, assessing if there was a threat. “Wolf, do you hear that?” Wolf pressed his ear to the door too. “Are they being held host-“

“Fuck yeah, they’re fucking.” He nodded approvingly.

“They’re fucking what?” Then Tiger realized. She looked at Wolf with a horrified and disgusted look. “They’re having pleasure sex?!”

Their cuddling turned into a sloppy make out session, which turned back into touching each other and Liv back on top of Josh.

“You’re wet.” Josh muttered teasingly, tracing under her boobs.

“And you’re hard again, horn dog.” She retaliated, pressing her ass against his erection.

His muscles tensed. “Liv, you’re going to make me cum again.” He whimpered and looked at her with those puppy dog eyes.

“Maybe you should make me cum again too.” She grinned. Energy coursed through her body. Josh’s eyes lit up.

“How do you feel about being eaten out?”

“Josh Futturman!” She slapped his chest. “That’s inappropriate!” She teased, as if barely 40 minutes ago they weren’t moaning each other’s names inappropriately.

“Read the sign, Liv.” He pointed above him. She got all giggly as Josh turned the tables, flipping them over so she was underneath. “You didn’t answer my question by the way.” He began kissing her neck.

“I wouldn’t mind…” She gave a small squeal as she felt his tongue right under her jaw. She covered her face and giggled as he eagerly kissed down her boobs, down her stomach, all over her hip bones and thighs, and then finally to her pussy…

Josh actually loved eating her out, he could have spent forever with his head between her legs, enjoying the way her back arched off the bed as he spelled his name and her name in cursive over and over with his tongue over her swollen clit. He’d pulled her to the edge of the bed, slinging her legs over his shoulders as he knelt between her thighs on the floor. The way she kept moaning his name spurred him on, pressing kisses to the insides of her thighs to tease her every time her moans got loud and sounded like she was about to reach her climax, his revenge for the years of teasing he had to endure.

“You fucking suck, I hate you.” Liv whined as Josh evilly kissed the apex of her thigh.

Josh lifted his head, a giant grin on his face. “I fucking what?”

“I’m going to fucking kill you I swear to God.” Her hand moved down to do it herself, but Josh intertwined his fingers into hers to stop her.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” He asked. She was a mess, she could barely comprehend what he’d said.

“What? Shut up.” She huffed, squirming.

He chuckled, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “You’re so pretty.” He said sweetly as he smiled, climbing back up her body and getting on the bed.

“You’re lucky you are too.” Liv grabbed his head and pulled him down to her lips, tasting herself on his tongue. She was learning a lot about herself sexually today.

In the almost 2 hours they had been in his room, Liv had discovered that Josh was very, very sensitive. Everywhere. She discovered she particularly liked to run her fingers over the nape of his neck and feel him shiver, and every time she’d done it, without fail, he gave an involuntary whimper. She liked that.

Josh pulled away, narrowing his eyes at her. “What are you smiling for?”

Liv was grinning from ear to ear at the sound of his whimper. She really liked that. “Nothing.” She pushed herself up to her elbows. Josh sat next to her and pulled her into his lap again.

Of all the ways he held Liv, his favorite was to have her in his lap (he really just liked when she was on top of him, turns out). He lightly tickled her back as he looked deeply into her eyes. “You okay?” He asked softly.

“Yeah?”

“I mean,” he lightly chuckled at her adorable confused face as he drew his fingers up and down her shoulder blades. “I mean, like, after…everything.”

Oh yeah. They’d lost Wolf. She looked away. “Yeah. You helped take my mind off of it.” She gave him a small, sad smile.

“Yeah, you did too.” Liv rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes solemnly. She didn’t want to feel sad. She was in Josh’s naked lap for Christ’s sake, she didn’t want to be sad at all.

“How many more ‘JOOSH’ condoms do you have in there?” She nudged her head towards the bedside table. Josh flushed red, as if they hadn’t already done that.

“There’s a lot in there.” He murmured, fingers trailing around her stomach.

“Wanna use one more?”

Josh didn’t answer, instead he gently moved Liv off of him and reached over to open the drawer and grab another condom with his face on it. After rolling it on, Liv pushed him down, climbing back to straddle him. He wasn’t complaining, he rather liked the cowgirl position. They were laying on the bed sideways, Josh’s door in their peripheral. Liv steadied herself, placing her hands on his chest as she sank painfully slow down on his dick again. He let out a strangled moan, trying to keep his hips from bucking. She didn’t make a sound, just her mouth falling open and her eyes screwing shut as she took in as much as she could. He held her hips tightly, fingers digging into her.

“You’re perfect,” Josh groaned, looking up at her with those eyes again. Her eyelids fluttered open as her eyebrows pinched together, letting out a moan. Josh quivered and whimpered in response.

“Tiger, you can’t open the door.” Wolf huffed. “They’re charging in.”

“I know.” Tiger kept her ear pressed to the door. She could hear the way they were moaning and mumbling sweet nothings to each other. Gross.

“Charging in is actually a private thing.” Wolf said, steadying himself against the wall.

“You sound like Josh.” Tiger muttered. “God, if I hear him tell her she’s ‘perfect’ or ‘beautiful’ one more time, I’m going in there.”

Wolf’s eyes looked loving at the door, as if he could see inside. “I knew he thought that about her.” He said quietly.

Tiger finally huffed and yelled over the loud TV and loud people downstairs for Josh and Liv to hear. “Are you two done yet? You’re just whistlin’ dixie in there, we’ve got very important matters to discuss.” No response. Their moaning continued. The bed kept squeaking. Tiger looked annoyed.

“Tiger, don’t.” Wolf held a hand out to stop her, but it was too late. She threw the door open.

“Oh my God!” Liv and Josh both screamed, Josh quickly sitting up and pulling Liv against him to cover her somewhat.

“…Tiger?” Josh blinked in disbelief. Tiger looked between them, disgusted. When she threw open the door they had been kissing (rat hole to rat hole) with their tongues halfway down each other’s throat.

“WOLF?!” Liv cried, almost climbing off of Josh, who still was inside her. Wolf gave her a double thumbs up and a wink, but he looked like hell.

“Woah there, naked girl!” Josh held her tightly against him.

“You two are gross.” Tiger tried not to gag.

“I think this,” Wolf weakly pointed between Liv and Josh. “Is beautiful.” He leaned against the door frame for support.

“Can you, uh, maybe shut the door and let us get decent? We can celebrate and be reunited after we have clothes on.” Josh protectively covered Liv’s body by wrapping his arms around her.

“Just…get your dick out of her, Futturman,” Tiger mumbled, averting her eyes as she closed the door.

“My dick- Hi Liv!-“ Wolf was cut off by the door shutting. There was a moment of embarrassed silence between them.

“I have a feeling that will be the first of many.” Liv whispered, rocking her hips again.

“Liv!” Josh gasped.

“Just let me help you finish.” She whispered back, sliding herself up and down.

“Fuck…” Josh squeezed his eyes shut, face contorting with pleasure. Liv exhaled shakily against Josh’s shoulder as she moved. “You gonna cum too?” He whispered, stumbling over his words.

Liv panted in his ear. “Mhm-“ She felt Josh grip her hips. One of his hands moved up and reached her boob. “God…” she whispered, trying to keep quiet, knowing Tiger and Wolf were just outside the door. “You’re so pretty.” She complimented him, still panting in his ear.

“You’re prettier.” She could hear him trying not to moan loudly. Liv let herself sink deeper into Josh’s huge cock, starting to see stars.

“I think I can feel you fucking everywhere” She gasped.

Josh trembled as he spread her legs a tad wider. “Jesus fucking Christ…”

“We can still hear you.” Tiger’s voice was muffled from the other side of the door. Liv and Josh didn’t give a shit, they were so wrapped up in each other.

Liv knew her legs would ache later. “Fuck!” She whispered as her head rolled back. Josh took the opportunity to kiss her neck as her pussy spasmed around him, cumming all over him. As he tried to kiss down her throat, his lips fell to her shoulder as he came, hugging her close for support. They sat, panting and sweating, hearts pounding for a moment. The door creaked open again, this time Wolf peeking in. Josh protectively wrapped his arms around Liv again.

“Not to interrupt, but, um, do you have any coke?” He asked quietly. “Like...cocaine?”

“Wolf, I’m so happy to see you’re not dead, but I’m gonna have to ask you to wait a sec.” Liv panted.

“Right, sorry.” The door quietly closed.

Josh carefully lifted Liv off of him. “You’re messy.” He quietly teased, referring to the cum on his lap.

“Shut up.” Liv tiredly punched his arm. Grabbing a shirt, and some boxers, Josh hurriedly got dressed, promising Liv to go into the bathroom and get a washcloth to clean them both up. Trying to sneak out of his room, he was met with Tiger staring intensely at the door.

“Jesus!” He jumped back.

“Glad you got your dick wet.” She said dryly. “Now come on, we need to focus.”

“Good lord, can’t I go get a washcloth from the bathroom real quick?” Josh pushed past her and Wolf to the bathroom.

“Well, good day to you too, Future Man.”

“I saw you this morning and you were mean to me.” Josh called out over the commotion still happening downstairs. He emerged with a wet washcloth. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to provide Liv with aftercare and then I will let you guys in my room.”

Before he could hear their responses, he slid into his room and closed the door. Liv was still on his bed laying on her stomach flipping through a magazine with his- Joosh’s- face on it. “Hey stud,” she flipped the magazine around to show him pictures of him- Joosh- posing like a douche bag with the words “THE NEXT GENERATION” typed boldly over the top.

Josh grinned at her adoringly. “Shut up, Liv.” Seeing Liv laying naked in his room was giving him an adrenaline rush. “Let me clean you up.” He said as she sat up.

“Why thank you, Josh. Also, no offense, that sweater? Ugly as hell.” His sweater was eye offendingly bright with yellows, oranges, and a few splashes of other colors with random letters all over it, looking like they were smashed together and fighting to be at the front.

“What, you don’t like it?” Josh looked down at it.

“No.” Liv laughed, taking some of the sweater in her hands and trying to study it. “Is it supposed to say something? It has a lot of P's. Oh and there’s an S. And an A.”

Josh shrugged as he gently washed her thighs. “I don’t know, it was the first thing I grabbed.” He kissed her forehead.

After he was done, Josh grabbed Liv a less ugly sweater from his closet (she had a big opinion on every single one he pulled out except for a plain white one). She stole a pair of boxers with his face all over them, claiming, “They probably look cooler on me than they did on you.”

“JFUTZ.” He corrected as he watched her pull on her baggy shorts.

“Also, are we not going to talk about how JFUTZ has boxers with his face all over them?” She snickered and looked at him. “You’re technically him-“

“But I would never buy something like that.” He laughed. The door swung open.

“I’m really glad you’ve bonded. Really glad- it smells like an orgy in here.” Tiger rolled her eyes.

“The smell of love.” Wolf said in a low, slightly teasing voice as he strolled into the room. “So, you never told me, do you have coke in here?”

“No.” Josh looked annoyed. “How do you know what an orgy smells like?” Josh muttered, raising an eyebrow at Tiger.

“Wolf!” Liv flung herself at him. “Wolf, we thought you died!”

“Almost did,” Wolf held her tightly, looking so happy he might cry. “Almost did.” He looked up at Josh over Liv’s shoulder. “Hey Josh.”

“Hey Wolf, glad to see you’re not dead…where the hell were you guys by the way?” Josh eyed Tiger and Wolf’s clothes.

“The 40s.” Tiger said.

“The 90s.” Wolf groaned as Liv squeezed too tight. She let go, uttering apologies over and over to him. Wolf moved away, distracted, throwing the covers off of Josh’s bed.

“You’ve got to have coke in here somewhere.” He muttered, digging through the pillows. Liv watched, offended.

“The 90s? Wolf, you stayed in the 80s into the 90s?” Josh was shocked. “You’re telling me years of your lives have happened since this morning? Liv and I have been here for like…2 hours.”

“Time travel’s a real mindfuck.” Wolf said, grinning, but looking like he was in pain. “Is that different wallpaper?” He asked, finally noticing the room. “Are you sure you don’t have any coke?” He looked between Liv and Josh.

“Wolf, I already told you no.” Josh said.

“You think those space pirates downstairs have a hookup?” Wolf asked hopefully.

“First of all, those are my friends, not space pirates.” Josh said.

Liv made a face that showed her thoughts exactly, are you sure about that? She made the face behind Josh, but Wolf and Tiger caught it.

“Second of all, you need to clean up, Wolf.”

“Yeah, Wolf, you’re concerning me.” Liv said, folding her arms. “You don’t seem okay.”

“Okay, look,” Wolf put on his nicest smile. “I appreciate the concern, but I think if I just had a little cocaine I’d be able to think straight.” He was met with the unbelieving and concerned stares from Liv and Josh. “And then I’ll quit, I swear!”

“Wolf-“

“Crack is fine too, in a pinch!” He sounded desperate.

“God, Wolf. The 90s hit you hard.” Liv said sadly.

Tiger huffed. “Okay, enough of this jibber jabber, alright? We gotta skedaddle.” Liv gave her a weird look. She spoke in the most non-Tiger way she’d ever heard. “If the Kronitorium exists, then we don’t know how far along Kronish is with the cure. It might already be out there!”

“But we don’t even have a TTD, what are we gonna do?” Josh asked.

“We gotta find out what we’re up against in that building.” Tiger said.

“We can’t even go into the building, and I don’t think that you should either.” Liv said. “We tried to go in and they threw us out.”

“How about this,” Josh spoke up as Wolf groaned and crouched down in front of the closet, holding his knees to his chest. “Liv and I stay here and help Wolf get clean, and you can handle the recon, Tiger.”

Wolf barfed into the closet, making everyone groan and look away, having Kronish Ball flashbacks. “I puked in your Jordans” He groaned. Josh looked heartbroken, he didn’t know he owned Jordans until then.

“Well, it’s not gonna be pretty, this little angel has got the devil up in him.” Tiger walked over to Wolf, crouching down and rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Oh, we can handle Wolf.” Josh said. “And I know just where to send you.”

Josh sent Tiger to go track down Stu, the only employee he knew personally who still worked for Kronish as a scientist. He was hoping he might have some information on Kronish. Liv strapped Wolf down to Josh’s bed, repeating apologies over and over.

“Wolf, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I have to do this-“

“You know, I opened a restaurant in the 80s.” Wolf said, sweating buckets. Together Josh, Liv, and Tiger had stripped Wolf to a white tank top and his boxers after he vomited all over himself.

“Really?” Liv was half listening as she put a strap around his right ankle.

“I named a dish after you, Liv. It was a dessert, a chocolate truffle. I missed you a lot.”

Liv looked at poor, poor Wolf. He looked awful. “I missed you too Wolf…in the few hours I didn’t see you.” She smiled softly.

“I did cocaine up my ass too.”

“Oh.” She made a face. “That’s…that’s really something, Wolfie.”

“I can’t believe you had sex with Josh in this very bed-”

“Hey Wolf, let’s talk about something else.” Liv interrupted him loudly..

Josh poked his head into the room. “Hey Liv, you wanna come downstairs soon?” He asked. She looked at the sweaty and vomit smelling mess that was Wolf.

Be with the random strangers that Josh thinks are his friends or risk being puked/shit on? She thought to herself. “I’m coming.” She sighed.

As they walked down the stairs Josh was beaming. “I’m a video game programmer here. I made the games they’re playing downstairs. In VR.”

“I thought JFUTZ made those games?” She smirked at him. He blushed as he realized what he’d said.

“Yeah, I meant JFUTZ.”

The VR video games that Joosh made were amazing. Liv didn’t know you could snowboard and shoot yetis at the same time, but she sure did after playing Snowboard Pro 3. The crowd had died down a bit, and Liv was actually able to catch a couple of the people’s names. In the kitchen, a guy named Xolo showed her how to make the “perfect” smoothie.

“Your boyfriend is, like, super into clean living.” He said, blending the apple cider vinegar, strawberries, spinach, and a bunch of protein powders together.

Liv didn’t think it looked appetizing at all, but she nodded along. “Cool!”

“I’ll make you one too.” Xolo grinned at her. “I can make you a pina colada one!”

“You better make one for Joosh too, he loves pina coladas!” She said with a big smile, high fiving Xolo over the counter.

Liv and Josh bounced from the kitchen to the living room, trying more of Xolo’s smoothie creations, which were actually quite delicious, and playing video games. Liv prefered sitting on the couch, watching Josh excitedly play the different video games Joosh had developed. As much as the energy was thriving in the room, she still wasn’t sure she liked “the crew”, except for Xolo, she was still on the fence about Paul and Tracy. She watched the TV as Josh crashed into a tree in the game, bringing him to a “GAME OVER” screen. She listened to Tracy and Paul snicker at his loss as Josh took off the headset and looked embarrassed.

“I died pretty fast.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, uh, that’s a tricky level.” Paul said, doubling over with laughter as he looked at Liv and Tracy. It definitely had been an easy level. Xolo brought Josh another smoothie.

“Hey, thanks man.” He said gratefully, taking a sip. “Ooh, Liv, this one’s peach.” He turned around, holding the cup out for her to try. A lull in the conversations around let Josh and Liv hear Wolf groaning and crying upstairs.

“Josh!” He was crying. Josh looked confused.

“I’m surprised he’s not crying for you.” He muttered to Liv.

“Who’s Josh?” Someone asked.

“I’m shitting your bed again.” Wolf cried. Josh inhaled deeply, trying to keep his cool.

“I think that’s why.” Liv whispered, looking apologetically at him.

“You’re coming with me.” Josh whispered.

Entering Josh’s room almost made both of them pass out. “Oh, God, Wolf!” Josh recoiled. It smelled like death and puke and shit.

“Come here Josh, please come here.” Wolf groaned.

“Please come here, come on, come on, buddy.” Josh inched closer, shooting Liv a fearful look. “I just need a bump and 20 bendy straws.” Wolf wept.

“Wolf. No, there’s no coke here. Turns out, JFUTZ’s body is a temple,” Josh said as Wolf thrashed against his restraints. “He’s really into clean living and I respect him. We got super fruits?” He offered.

“Yeah, Wolf, we’ve got a lot of things, but all healthy. No coke. Sorry.” Liv said, standing at the foot of the bed.

Wolf was throwing a fairly silent tantrum as he thrashed around.

“I mean, try some of this super smoothie,” Josh held out the smoothie cup for Wolf. “It’ll pick you right up.” Wolf head butted the cup out of Josh’s hands. It spilled all over his face. “Jesus!” Josh backed away.

“COKE!” Wolf cried out. Josh turned to Liv looking pissed off.

“Wolf, we’re only trying to-“

“COKE!!!!” Wolf screamed at Liv, shaking. Josh rolled his eyes and took Liv’s hand, leading her out of his room.

“Poor Wolf,” Liv said sadly as she followed Josh down the stairs.

“He’s an asshole.” Josh grumbled. Liv punched his arm. Hard. “Liv!”

“He’s an addict in recovery, you’re the asshole.” She said sternly.

The front door swung open in front of them. Tiger was back. “Hey.” She heaved a sigh of relief when she saw them. She was holding a plate full of food covered by Saran Wrap.

“What’s that?” Josh leaned forward curiously. Tiger covered the plate with her hand.

“It’s leftovers from the meal I made for Stu. I pulled a little 40s charm on him and he let me into his house to make him a home cooked meal. Got some information outta him too. Where’s Wolf?” She asked.

“Tied to Josh’s bed. He’s not doing too well.” Liv said, jabbing her thumb up in the direction of Josh’s room.

“He’s probably starving!” She scolded Liv and Josh. “A home cooked meal can solve anything.” She marched past them and up the stairs towards the room. Hearing Tiger say the most house wife things in her deadpan and stern voice was so strange.

Josh turned to Liv. “She wasn’t always like that, right? Or am I crazy?”

“We’re both seeing the same thing. The 40s really changed her.” Liv said.

“Wanna play Snowpocalypse?” Josh asked, completely changing the subject.

Liv paused. “Um,” she blinked. “You can. I’ll just, um, I’ll watch you again…or something.”

“You worried I’ll actually be better than you at this one?” He teased. Liv had been way better than him at every game they’d played so far.

Liv shrugged. “No, I’m kinda just sick of video games.” She said.

Josh deflated. “Oh…that- that’s okay, we’ve been playing for a while anyways.”

Liv pursed her lips. “Mhm.” She tried not to let her annoyance show. The entire time since they’d emerged from Josh’s room it was all they (mostly Josh) had done. Liv had talked to Josh’s “friends” more than he had. And she still didn’t really like them. “Go have fun playing…that snow game.”

“I thought you were gonna watch?”

“I will! I’m just gonna go make sure Wolf’s okay.”

Josh nodded understandingly. “Okay, okay, go make sure he’s not puking all over Tiger.” He joked, giving her a small smile.

When Liv approached Josh’s door she heard Wolf sobbing. Great. She thought. He was still bawling. She opened the door to find him crying, but smiling too. He had a mouth full of roast in his mouth. Tiger sat next to him, feeding him the food on the plate.

“Wolf?” Liv asked.

“I can taste it!” He sobbed happily. “I can taste it!”

Tiger was smiling down at him as she fed him. “He can taste it.” She repeated, shrugging. Liv liked this new maternal Tiger, she wasn’t as mean and snippy.

Together Tiger and Liv cleaned Wolf up, Tiger helped bathe him and Liv threw JFUTZ’s bed sheets in a garbage sack. Wolf looked a lot better as he sauntered back into the room in a fluffy white robe with a towel wrapped around his head.

“Hey, Wolf,” She said gently, holding her arms out for a hug. Wolf fell into them graciously.

“I’m so sorry I yelled at you.” He mumbled into her shoulder. “I was half hallucinating back there. Corey Hart sang to me.”

“Oh my God,” Liv pulled away, laughing. “I’m glad to see you’re doing better now.”

“So.” Wolf smirked down at her as he stood up straight. “Tell Wolf, what’s going on with you and Josh?”

Before Liv could answer, Tiger was in the doorway, back in her regular Tiger attire. “Go get Josh, we need to have a chat.” She said.

“O-okay.” Liv looked confused and slightly scared. She slowly walked down the stairs to see Josh with the headset back on, imitating the motion of skiing. There was a whole group of people behind him on the couch cheering him on.

“Oh my God! I’m flying through the sky!” He exclaimed. Liv marched up behind him and took the headset off of him. “Hey! I was just about to stick my landing in Snowpocalypse-“ he turned around to see it was Liv, folding her arms. “Oh, hey, it’s you!” He grinned at her. “You should try this one Liv, it’s really fun.”

“I’m good.” Liv muttered, dropping the headset on the ground. “Tiger wants us upstairs. Like now.”

Tiger had gotten some interesting information out of Stu Camillo. He’d invited her over to his house after she helped him clean up his spilled groceries in the parking lot of a gas station, to which she’d offered to make him a home cooked meal. Stu had told her Kronish was secretive, frighteningly so, and that he’d been hiding away for years working on his project. Stu had told her that no one in the lab knew what they were working on, but Tiger knew, the super cure. He told Tiger that in two days' time he would reveal what it was. That was a relief to her, they still had time.

JFUTZ had turned his parents' old room into some sort of meditation/dojo room, that’s where Tiger wanted them to meet. Tiger told them to change into something quote, “more moveable and less disgusting” (she said that last one straight to Josh). Josh changed into a still eye blisteringly neon green tank top and shorts, while Liv opted to change back into her yellow tank top.

“Alright, so,” Tiger clapped her hands loudly to get everyone’s attention. Wolf sat in the corner clutching a smoothie, still in his fluffy robe. “The information I got out of Stu is a little alarming. Kronish is two days away from releasing his research. We need to kill him AND destroy his research AND blow up the Kronitorium. This is our only chance.”

Josh stretched an arm across his chest. “Wow, so we’re going full on T2.” He said.

“Judgement Day.” Wolf said from his corner. “Arnold was a frequent customer at Wolfhart’s, and a good friend.” He sighed, reminiscing. “Oh man, we had some sexcapades.” He sipped his smoothie.

Josh looked at Liv with raised eyebrows. Tiger waved her hand, trying to get the attention back on her. “This mission calls for a much bigger kill team but…this is all we have…so…we’re gonna have to train you guys up.”

Liv and Josh nodded, knowing this was coming. “Okay, um, athletic stance and start sparring with one of you guys, or each other, or…” Josh asked.

Tiger and Wolf started chuckling, looking at each other and shaking their heads. Josh turned his head to Liv, worried he’d said the wrong thing.

“Spar, oh, no, I think we’ll, uh, I think we’ll have you start on someone around both of your skill levels.” Tiger stepped over to a crate, taking the top off. An uncanny valley life sized doll with enormous tits sat inside. Josh and Liv both recoiled in shock.

“What the hell is that?” Liv asked. “And why is it so creepy?”

“I do not know why you have this, but she was on your doorstep, and, um, she’ll do.” Tiger looked at her two new students. “So let’s begin.”

Pt. 2

[heydorothea009]

BREAD ON TOAST FANS!!!!!! I’ve done it, I have somehow written a chapter so long that I can’t upload the entire thing in one part, so, Chapter 10 will be split into two parts! They should be up in a little bit!! You guys are epic 😎🆒👍🫨‼️

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, Liv and Josh try nitrous, Josh does NOT try to bang his mom, sexual innuendos

Chapter 9: Operation: Natal Attraction

As soon as Josh and Liv had turned the corner onto the neighboring street by Kronish’s house they stopped to catch their breath.

“Can I see the bag, Liv?” Josh panted, holding out his hand. Across the street, a lady walking her dog shot the two of them a nasty look. “Have a good day, lady.” Josh called to her. He dug through the bag and paused. He dug through it again. He looked panicked as his face went pale. He knelt on the sidewalk, putting the bag down and rummaged through it again, pulling pieces of lingerie out.

“What’s wrong?” Liv asked.

“…did you drop my clothes?” Josh asked, looking up at her.

“I don’t remember.” She whispered.

“…fuck.”

The plan was to go to Josh’s house and nab the gun that hung on the Futturman family kitchen wall. Josh pulled out a pink robe to try and cover up the lingerie. He contracted many weird looks and comments and they walked to his house. Josh didn’t realize how far his house would be on foot from Kronish’s. They eventually approached a gas station on the corner of a street.

“Can we stop at that 7/11 and try to get this makeup off?” Josh asked.

Josh had Liv come into the family bathroom with him to get the makeup off. She scrubbed his lips and eyes with wet paper towels, giving him an apologetic smile at the sight of his miserable look. It worked well enough. They walked out of the bathroom together, and the teenage boy who worked the counter stared at them.

“It was a dare.” Josh said in an annoyed voice. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“You and your boyfriend are weird.” The boy said to Liv as they walked out the door. As the sliding door closed behind them, Josh and Liv looked at each other shyly, blushing.

“So…” Josh wrapped the robe tighter around him. “Are we going to address the elephant in the room?” He asked as they continued their trek.

“I guess we have to.” Liv shoved her hands in her back pockets.

“So. We kissed.”

“We did.”

“And you like me.”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask how long you’ve liked me?” Josh asked.

“Since the day I met you.” Liv admitted.

Josh stopped in his tracks. “Really?”

“Why is that so crazy?” Liv asked, giggling slightly at how shocked he seemed by that.

“I remember the day we met very well, and I went home and hoped you didn’t think I was annoying.” Josh laughed. “I went home and told my parents all about you.”

“Yeah, I know, I think your mom brings it up every other time she sees me.” Liv giggled.

“Since the day you met me you’ve liked me?” Josh asked, smiling widely.

“Yeah.” Liv was grinning shyly. “Do…do you…?”

Josh blushed, realizing what she was asking. “Well, I asked to kiss you didn’t I?” He looked back over at her. “I like you, Liv.” Josh admitted out loud. And it wasn’t scary. In fact he was so sure of it.

Liv paused, stopping in her tracks with a wide, goofy grin. Hearing it made her wonder if it was a dream. A dream she’d had before too. Maybe Wolf and Sigorn-E had been right, he wouldn’t be weirded out if he knew. Her body coursed with adrenaline as she continued walking with him. “Really?”

“Do you think if we sneak into my house I’ll get beat up again? Oh wait, you weren’t there for that, never mind.” Josh derailed the conversation.

“Josh!” Liv laughed, hitting him with the bag.

“Sorry, sorry! Just thinking out loud.” He laughed along with her. As they walked and talked, their hands brushed, neither one of them making a move, but neither one of them moving away either.

“…wait, so you’re telling me you never took a date to the Kronish Ball because you were always hoping that I would ask you?” Josh asked in shock.

“I got asked by a couple guys,” Liv confessed.

“Did you turn them all down? Who asked you?” Josh asked.

“Last year both Dr. Smith and Jeremy from HR asked me.” Liv said.

“You turned down Jeremy from HR?!” Josh gasped “Liv, he’s hot! You turned him down because you were hoping I would ask you?!”

“I told them both that I had plans to go with a friend.” She shrugged. “I think most of the lab knows I like you.”

“Liv, I’m so sorry I never asked you.” Josh said.

“We always went together though, right? At least as friends.”

“But I never asked you to go as my date.”

“I was your date for two seconds this time.” Liv gently gave him a shove.

“Oh yeah…sorry for ditching you.” Josh said sheepishly. “…oh my God…that’s why you listened to me every time I talked your ear off about ‘Biotic Wars’.”

“Now you’re getting it.” Liv teased.

“God, you must like me a lot if you let yourself endure that for years.” Josh laughed.

“It’s okay. I like listening to you talk.” Liv said simply, smiling at him. Josh’s stomach fluttered. Liv started snickering.

“What?”

“Sorry, I cannot take you seriously when you’re dressed like that.” She giggled.

Josh rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Liv.” He teased. “You love it.”

“I’ll never say.” She shrugged and pushed his shoulder, almost knocking him off balance.

It was dark by the time they approached his house. Josh checked his phone, 8:33 pm. They still had time. As they walked up to the door they heard loud music and saw colored lights flashing inside. There must have been a party going on inside. Josh looked down at his clothes.

“I can’t go in there looking like this.” He muttered.

Liv pointed up to the window that led to his room, which was cracked open. They climbed through, this time, Josh waiting for Liv to tell him he was good to climb in after her. After helping him off the desk the sat right under the window, they looked around.

“This is my Uncle Barry’s room.” Josh whispered, surveying the room. Josh accidentally backed into a small garbage can, spilling discarded papers. He dropped down to pick everything up. He picked up a job application that read “America Online ‘AOL’ application due by 4pm”.

“What is it?” Liv asked as she saw Josh’s face. He was shaking his head with a look of disappointment.

“Come on Uncle Barry,” he muttered. “Maybe if he applied for this job he wouldn’t be such a sad and lonely douche in 2017.” He showed Liv the paper.

“Damn…” Liv exhaled.

Josh set the paper on the desk and started going through Barry’s drawers. “If I find anything bad in here…” Josh mumbled, digging through Barry’s pants drawer. Liv took that as a sign to find interest in something else. It was strange to see Josh’s room not look like Josh’s room. There were no movie posters, his gaming chair wasn’t there, no evidence of Josh in the room. Josh turned around holding the ugliest pink button down with black and white triangles, a jacket with graffiti style writing all over, and black pants.

“Oh Jesus.” Liv eyed the shirt is disdain.

“Uncle Barry was never known for his style choices.” Josh sighed. After turning around and letting Josh change and helping him shove all the lingerie into the bag and hiding it under Barry’s bed, Liv and Josh snuck out of the room and tried to discreetly join the party. There were college kids everywhere. Liv sent Josh a wide eyed look as they slowly walked down the stairs, trying to remain unnoticed.

“I didn’t take Gabe to be such a party animal?” She muttered in his ear.

“Did you think it was my mom who always throws parties?” Josh asked.

“…it’s not your mom?!”

“There it is.” Josh’s voice dropped to a whisper, quickly pointing to the gun. Liv followed Josh down the stairs and amongst the party goers, heading towards the gun that was apparently mounted on the living room wall in the 80s.

“Gabe! Gabe! Gabe! Gabe!” They both heard chanting. Liv and Josh turned to the kitchen to see Gabe Futturman, on his knees, chugging alcohol being funneled into his mouth. “Futturman!” The crowd of people around him cheered.

“…Dad?” Josh breathed out. Gabe grimaced as he pulled his mouth away from the funnel, victoriously fist pumping the air.

“Yeah!” He began high fiving his friends around him.

“I’m gonna go high five my dad!” Josh whispered excitedly, making his way over.

“Wait-“ Liv hurried after Josh as he walked up to his dad with a big grin on his face.

“Hey!” Josh said as Gabe absentmindedly high fived Josh’s readied hand. “That was…radical.” Josh seemed to be in awe that his dad was actually cool.

“Thanks dude! You can’t spell ‘funnel’ without ‘fun’, am I right?” Yep, that was Gabe Futturman alright.

“Yep, you definitely are Gabe!” Josh laughed, looking at Liv.

“That’s mi nombre! Do I know you guys?” Gabe asked.

“No,” Liv said quickly.

Josh was looking at Gabe like he was a magical creature that he’d just discovered. “No, we’ve never met.”

Gabe studied them. “I dunno, there’s something familiar about you,” he pointed at Josh. “Especially you, you sure we didn’t go to middle school together or something? What’s your name?”

“J-Joosh.” Josh lied. Liv puffed out her cheeks as she tried not to laugh. “Joosh.” He repeated.

“Joosh, your name’s Joosh.” Gabe said, shaking Josh’s hand, saying that as if he almost didn’t believe him.

“Yes. My name is Joosh.” Liv could see the immediate regret in his face.

“And you are?” Gabe turned to Liv.

“Liv.” She said, shaking Gabe’s hand too.

“Wow, you guys rule!” Gabe said excitedly. “We’re gonna go get high.”

“What?” Josh grinned in shock. “You- you don’t get high?”

“That’s right, I stay high.” Gabe grinned. “You guys in?”

“Wow, uh, you know there is nothing I would rather do than stay and party with you but…” he glanced at Liv. “We’ve got somewhere we need to be…”

“Hey man, no worries. My door is always open. This is a Futturman house! That means it’s a,” Gabe did a goofy little dance with his shoulders. “Party house, okay?” He gave Liv and Josh pats on the shoulders. “You can come by anytime!” He walked away to rejoin some friends.

Josh turned his body to watch his dad walk away. “You wanna stay for a bit, don’t you?” Liv said.

“We’ve got time.” He muttered. It was only close to 9. The marina wasn’t too far from Josh’s house. “We’ve got some time, actually!” Josh called out to Gabe. “We would love to stay and party with you.” He turned to Liv. “I mean, if you want to.”

“Sure, why not.” Liv giggled.

“Get over here, new friends.” Gabe waved them over.

“Okay!” Liv followed Josh as he excitedly walked to his dad.

“I like your coat.” Gabe complimented Josh. “What is that, French or something?” He tried reading the writing on the coat.

“He just got it today, actually!” Liv said, sitting on the couch in between Gabe and Josh.

“You guys ever tried nitrous?”

Nitrous made Liv’s brain feel like it turned into a puddle. She bravely was the first to try it, her eyes immediately fluttering as she said, “What is this stuff?” Her voice came out low as she giggled. “Feels like my brain just orgasmed.” Gabe burst out laughing, clapping his hands. Liv saw Josh’s eyes glaze over at her reaction, shifting on the couch.

“My turn! My turn!” Gabe took the mask from her and deeply inhaled. “Joosh, I am your father.” He said in a deep voice.

Liv cackled as Josh let out a flustered laugh. “Ahhh, you are, you really are.”

“Try it Joosh,” Gabe held out the mask.

“It’s crazy Jo- Joosh, you have to try it.” Liv said. Josh looked hesitant at first, glancing between Liv and his dad.

“Uhhhh…you know what? You taught me to ride a bike, I trust you.” Josh grabbed the mask from Gabe’s extended hand.

“Joosh!” Gabe cheered.

“Yeah Joosh!” Liv gave him a teasing grin. Everyone started chanting his fake name. Josh took a deep inhale of nitrous, quickly pulling the mask from his face.

“The Joosh is loose!” Gabe cheered.

Josh’s head rolled back and it hit the couch as he spoke in a deep voice. “My brain melted.” He giggled deeply. Liv giggled and rested her head on his shoulder, leaning back on the couch.

“Shit’s gnarly, right? I made Barry steal it from dentist school.” Gabe said, looking over at a guy who was pulling the tape out of a cassette and laughing, amused by the destruction. Josh bolted upright, making Liv’s head fall off of his shoulder.

“Barry?” He looked nothing like the Uncle Barry they both knew, but he sure acted like him. “He’s in dentist school?”

“Was. Big was.” Gabe looked back over at Barry. “Yeah, he got kicked out for ganking the nitrous.” He pointed to the tank. “You’d have to be crazy to let that kid anywhere near your teeth with a drill.” He looked back at Josh and Liv. “I wouldn’t let him near drywall with a drill.”

“Sometimes Gabe, people get better at things. Maybe give him a little more time and maybe he’ll change.” Josh said. His dad and Barry had always had a rocky relationship and he hoped maybe he could soften it. “People change!” He said. “Big, big changes!”

“I hope not for me! My life is perfect right now. Why would I change a thing?” Gabe scoffed.

“Well, for example…what if you had a child-“

“Ha! A kid?”

Josh’s face fell. “Yeah?”

“I’m this close to getting snipped. Barry’s got a friend in med school who says he’ll do it for free if he can practice on me.” Gabe said. Liv turned her head so Gabe couldn’t see and gave Josh the widest, most panicked eyes.

“Oh! Um! You know what, that- that seems like a decision I shouldn’t influence!” Josh gulped. “I’m sure- I’m sure you’ll make the right choice…uh…”

“So you two,” Gabe propped his elbow up on the back of the couch. “What’s your whole deal? Boyfriend/girlfriend? The rooms upstairs are available for any couples who wanna sneak off.” Gabe elbowed Liv’s arm, winking. Josh and Liv went bright red.

“Oh! We’re-“

“Liv and I- uh-“

They both searched for the right words. They couldn’t call each other friends, that put them back in the friend zone, and they definitely had crossed that zone…but they weren’t really dating either…yet.

“Oh…” Gabe chuckled. “I see, it’s complicated huh?” He reached over Liv and patted Josh’s knee. “Something about Futturman house parties is that they have a way of bringing people together.” He winked at them and stood up, walking back to the kitchen.

“It’s true.” Josh whispered to her. “My parents met at a college party.”

“Hello, cupcakes.” They heard Gabe slowly drawl from behind them. They turned to see two girls walking in and looking around, holding a pan of cupcakes.

“Cupcake?” Liv hit Josh’s arm. “Josh, that’s your mom!” She pointed to the blonde girl with the cupcakes.

Barry was trying to haul the heavy nitrous tank away from them. Josh stood up from the couch to talk to him, Liv followed. “Unc- Barry? Who are those two girls?” Josh asked.

Barry swept his long hair out of his face. “Uhhh,” he held the mask up to his mouth. “I think those are Richie’s friends, Vanessa and Diane. They’re hot.”

“Diane!” Liv and Josh excitedly hit each other.

“Oh my God, tonight is Richie’s birthday, the night of the flaming sombrero! This is the night my parents meet.” Josh nodded in the direction of a man lighting a cigarette, lighter dangerously close to his giant sombrero that hung low on his head.

“Dude,” Barry’s voice was exceptionally low now, having inhaled the nitrous. “Your parents never met? That’s fucked up.”

“You’re fucked up.” Liv deadpanned.

Barry excitedly grabbed Josh’s elbow. “No way dude! I have this same jacket!”

Josh slowly turned to look at his uncle. “Barry. What’s your plan?” He asked like a high school counselor.

Barry giggled, drunk and brain loopy from the nitrous. “I dunno, finish this and then humiliate myself in front of some women?” He glanced at Liv. “Wanna be one of them?”

“Eat shit, Barry.” Liv scowled. Barry had always been a jackass.

“Barry. You need to get that AOL application and apply for that job.” Josh said seriously.

Barry blinked a couple times, shocked. “How’d you know about that?”

“I went through your garbage.” Josh said.

“It’s something he does.” Liv said.

“But there’s no money in that, man.” Barry complained. “I mean, what, it’s like stock options, what am I-? What good is that gonna do for me?”

“Barry, we have to go, but listen to me and listen good. You need to apply for that job, take those options, and get the fuck out before 4.0. Trust me.” Josh brushed past Barry, who looked surprised by what had just happened.

“I’d trust him if I were you.” Liv said, stepping around him to follow Josh. She realized where Josh was headed; to his dad and Vanessa and his mom.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” He stepped in between his parents, throwing his arms around them. “Okay, so, here’s the sitch, Liv and I’ve gotta head, but we couldn’t help but notice that we really like what we’re seeing here.” He looked between his parents. “Right Liv?”

Liv stood in front of them awkwardly, nodding. “Mhm!” What the fuck was he doing?!

“You are just the most beautiful thing!” He complimented his mom. “You have the smoothest skin I've ever seen. Your skin is like…an angel’s bottom.”

“Oh…thanks!” Diane smiled. Liv stared at him.

“Have you ever been in a moment where time just freezes and everything seems perfect?” Gabe and Diane looked at each other and then back to Josh, who was dreamily looking back between his parents, clearly convincing himself he was creating a romantic scenario for them.

“It’s his first time doing nitrous.” Gabe explained to Diane, who just giggled.

“It is. But! Not the nitrous talking my friends, you two are perfect.” He looked at Liv. “Right Liv?”

Liv wanted to drag Josh away. She couldn’t figure out why Josh was trying to set his parents up with each other. They were bound to end up together anyways. “Yeah.” She crossed her arms.

“What about me?” The other girl with brown hair, Vanessa, asked.

“Yeah, sure, you’re fine.” Josh said dismissively. “But this one,” he looked at Diane. “Gabey, this is the one right here. This is the kind of woman you have to hang on to, and never, ever let go of.” Liv saw Josh’s eyes flick over to her multiple times, making her body feel warm. “The kind of woman that could change your life.” Gabe and Diane shared a moment, looking at each other. “Alright,” Josh unattached himself from them. “We’ve got a boat to catch, Joosh and Liv out!” He called.

Finally. Liv turned on her heel and walked towards the gun on the wall with Josh.

“Wait!” Diane pranced after them, making them turn around. Liv looked slightly annoyed. “I like boats.” She eyed Josh flirtatiously. “Maybe I could change your life.” She grabbed his hand. Josh pulled his hand away, looking horrified. Liv stepped closer to him, pressing her body into Josh.

“That’s not happening.” Liv said sharply.

“No! No! No, no, no! I’m too smart to fall into that old trap,” Josh frantically shook his head at his mom. “You need to come with me young lady.” He sounded like such a dad. He pulled away from Liv to try and drag Diane back over to Gabe.

“Ugh! Chill out, Jesus Christ!” Diane slapped his hand away from her arm.

“Yes, that’s more like it. You’re supposed to think I’m repulsive.” Josh looked over at his dad to see him standing way too close to Vanesssa.

“What, no!” Liv was right next to Josh again, watching together as Vanessa touched Gabe’s forearm. “What have you done?” She looked at Diane, who looked annoyed and confused. She saw her friend talking to Gabe flirtatiously and her face brightened.

“Oh God, they’re adorable! Bet that’s the last we’re gonna see of them tonight.” She tittered.

“Liv, what do I do? I’m Back to the Future-ing myself.” Josh panicked.

Liv pursed her lips. “Okay, talk to your d- Gabe, I’ll talk to the girls.”

“Okay.” Josh nodded, sounding nervous. Liv dragged Diane over to Vanessa and Gabe. “Hey Gabe, can I steal you for a sec? Okay, awesome.” Josh pulled his dad away and Gabe looked confused. Vanessa and Diane eyed Liv as she stood in between them.

“What’s the deal?” Vanessa asked. “I was talking to him.”

“Hello ladies.” She said awkwardly.

“Who’s he?” Vanessa asked.

“Gabe?”

“No, your boyfriend.”

“Not my boyfriend.”

“Oh! Perfect!” Diane leaned against the table. Liv looked up at her with concerned eyes.

Liv looked between them uncomfortably. “Gabe sure is cool though, right?” She said in a high, uncomfortable voice. They weren’t here to talk about Josh, she was there to fix the fact that Josh might not exist if Gabe talked to the wrong girl.

Diane looked over at Gabe and giggled. “Oh, I dunno, he’s pretty cute too.” She blushed. Yes! Okay, this was working!

Vanessa linked her arm through Liv’s and spoke to Diane. “You can have him if I can have, what’s his name? Joosh?” Liv’s eyes widened and jealousy brewed inside of her. She slowly turned her head to look at her. Vanessa saw Liv’s face and lightly hit her shoulder, giggling up a storm with Diane. Liv loved Diane Futturman, saw her as a second mother, but college Diane and her friend Vanessa were annoying as hell.

“What? Do you want him?” Diane linked her arm through Liv’s other arm. She’d never felt so trapped and uncomfortable in a non-threatening situation.

“Oh my God! She does!” Vanessa tittered. “What’s your name?”

“Liv.” She said uncomfortably.

“Liv,” Vanessa gave Liv a small hip bump. “Well, you better go and get that boy or I might steal him from you!” Diane and Vanessa dissolved into giggles. “He’s so cute and mysterious, I’ve never seen him around here before.” She lowered her voice and said in Liv’s ear, “So, if you dont fuck him, I will-“

“Okay!” Liv said loudly, breaking away from the two girls. “Lovely chat! I think that’s enough Vanessa-“ she said to Vanessa.

“Vanessa? Oh!” She giggled and pointed to Diane. “She’s Vanessa, I’m Diane!”

“Yeah, I’m Vanessa!” They giggled. “This happens all the time, we’re so close that people always get us mixed up.”

Liv’s brain shutdown. Diane. Vanessa was Diane. SHE JUST TOLD ME SHE WANTS TO FUCK HER SON?!?!?! Liv’s brain shrieked. “Oh!” Her voice came out strangled. “Um! Be right back.” She spun around and marched towards Josh and Gabe.

Meanwhile, in the time Liv was chatting up the girls, Josh had pulled Gabe over by the couch. “I was kinda in the middle of a thing, Joosh-“

“That’s okay, just one quick moment of your time.” Josh placed a hand on Gabe’s shoulder. “I know we just met and this might seem a bit weird to you, but trust me I’m really, really good with these kinds of things. Liv and I are like, we share a brain, okay? We were just talking with her,” he pointed to his mom, or who he thought was his mom. “And we think that you two would be just a dream together. Absolutely perfect, okay?”

Gabe shook his head and gave a lopsided grin as he glanced over at “Diane”.

“I don’t know if it’s just your energies, or your vibes, or something, but it’s, like, a romance written in the stars!”

“You think so?” Gabe blushed as he looked at “Diane”. “She is really pretty…”

“Yes! And! She totally seems into you too!” Josh said excitedly. “Trust me Gabe, the way you two looked at each other, the earth stopped spinning for a moment.”

“Well, it’ll also stop spinning when I’m finger blasting her in the laundry room-“

“Oh my God, dad! No!” Josh was horrified.

“Doing the big one in the-“ Gabe just kept going.

“No! Just stop! You went from stars to the fucking gutter. She’s a lady, you’ve gotta treat her like one.” Josh patted his dad’s shoulder.

“…did you call me ‘dad’?” Gabe finally realized.

“No. I didn’t.” Josh shook his head. Liv came marching over and grabbed Josh’s arm, pulling him away roughly.

“Yeah! Woo!” Vanessa and Diane were cheering. “Get him!”

“Hey, rooms are free upstairs!” Gabe teasingly called after them as Liv dragged him all the way to the corner of the living room.

“Liv, what-“

“That’s not your mom.” Liv said. “The blonde? Not your mom, she is.” She pointed to the real Diane.

Josh’s eyes were so wide Liv thought they might fall out of his head. “What?! How do you know?”

“She told me that she’s Diane after I called her Vanessa.” Liv huffed. “What time is it?”

Josh looked at his phone. 9:17. They still had time. “Okay, uh, uh, what do we do? Am- am I disappearing? Is my existence stopping?” Josh was panicking.

“Josh, you’re fine. Calm down.” She hissed. She turned around to see Gabe had both Diane and Vanessa draped over him. “Talk to your dad again.”

“And what? Tell him I changed my mind and he and other girl would be better together?” Josh asked anxiously.

“Sure, I don’t care, just get him to talk to her. And she’s Diane, not ‘other girl’.”

Josh sighed. “You have to tell him with me.”

“Fine. I don’t want to talk to your mom and your friend again.” She shuddered.

“What? What happened?” Josh asked, looking concerned.

“Nothing. It was just weird.” She didn’t feel like telling him his mom thought he was attractive. It truly was the plot of Back to the Future. “Hey Gabe!” Liv waved him over. Gabe looked more annoyed this time and pulled away from the two girls. He sauntered over.

“What?” He asked, trying to hide the fact he was severely annoyed with them right now.

“Hey, so, Diane, she’s pretty…cool?” Josh started awkwardly.

“What is it this time?” Gabe folded his arms.

“So here’s the thing,” Liv jumped in. “We got her confused with Vanessa-“

“Yeah, earlier when I told you Liv and I shared a brain, we both were thinking of Diane, but we thought Vanessa was Diane.” They both laughed awkwardly.

“…huh?”

“You should go get with Diane.” Liv stated plainly.

“But, Van-“

“Yeah, she’s cool, but she was telling me about some other guy and…” Liv shrugged and made a “you know what I mean” face. “Diane, is really sweet. And funny. And she makes an amazing seven layer bean dip.”

“She does!” Josh chimed in.

“Well…I do like bean dip.” Gabe considered. “Listen, I appreciate the matchmaker thing you two have going on, but I am going to head back over and talk to the two pretty ladies and decide for myself.” Gabe gave them a sly grin. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up with both in my bed tonight?”

“Oh…God…” Josh shuddered as his dad walked back over to Diane and Vanessa.

“Well…we tried.”

“Liv, I might stop existing.”

“Eh, maybe you’ll just have a different mom in the future.” She lightly hit his chest with the back of her hand. “Do you wanna leave right now, or, do you wanna stay? Or?”

Josh looked around and sighed. “Can we stick around to see if my parents hit it off at least?”

“Yeah,” Liv nodded. She knew now he was stressed. “You sure you don’t trust nature to just take its course?”

“I think I might have accidentally fucked everything up.”

“That’s what happens when you meddle, Futturman.” She teased, tugging his shirt collar. Josh immediately flushed a dark red.

“You wanna do nitrous again?”

“Um, you know what, I think I’m okay. Let’s stay for 25 more minutes.” Josh saw Liv’s eyes wander over to the table with alcohol on it. “And let’s not drink. We need to be able to walk.”

Liv playfully rolled her eyes, grabbing his hands and leading him back over to the couch they were sitting on earlier. As they sat down, Barry plopped next to them. Great.

“Liv?” He asked, clearly very drunk. “That’s your name right? I heard you tell Vanessa and Diane. Do you wanna…go upstairs with me?” He insinuated.

Liv felt Josh tense next to her. “No Barry, I don’t want to go upstairs with you. Like at all.” She felt Josh’s arm slide around her shoulders, pulling her against his side.

Barry let out a noisy sigh. “No one ever does.” He groaned.

“Maybe that’s ‘cause you’re an asshole, Barry.” Josh said as Barry stood up and sauntered away. Liv turned to look at Josh.

“Oh God, you’re jealous.” She teased, poking him in the side playfully. Josh never moved his arm, it stayed lazily wrapped around her shoulders.

“Oh you mean like you were when Vanessa tried to flirt with me earlier?” He teased back.

“I thought she was your mom!” Liv giggled defensively.

“You pressed yourself against me.” Josh laughed.

“Yeah? Well you liked it.” She said, flirtatiously. Her heart and her stomach fluttered as she openly flirted with him.

“Oh, you mean like you liking the sight of me in lingerie?” He smirked as he leaned back on the couch. The sexual tension between them was thickening like it had back in Kronish’s bedroom, only this time, they were openly flirting and teasing each other. Oh, they wanted each other so badly. The music loudly played over the stereo as they talked, playing “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon.

“Hm,” Liv pretended to think about it. “Well, I guess you looked okay.” Josh had a dorky, “I knew it” smirk on his face. “But you were jealous.” She said in a singsong voice.

“Maybe I was.” Josh said in the same tone, looking smug. “Maybe I was jealous because all the guys at this party have been checking you out.”

“Have they?”

“Oh yeah,” Josh rolled his eyes. He really was jealous.

“Awww, poor Joshy.” She fake pouted and tapped his nose. “It sucks when your best friend is so beautiful.”

“You're not just my best friend.” He said in a low voice. Their faces were inches apart again. Liv was practically in Josh’s lap.

“Then what are we?” Liv whispered.

“I dunno, we’ve definitely overstepped the friendship line, but I don’t know when is too soon to ask you out, so I guess we’re kinda just in this awkward-“

“Shut up, Josh.” Liv breathed out as her lips crashed into his desperately. Josh’s lips excitedly reciprocated the kiss just as desperately as hers, like he was dying of thirst and she was water. Liv melted. No one had ever kissed her with this kind of passion, this kind of desperation, it was magical. He pulled Liv all the way into his lap as they couldn’t get enough of each other. No one else at the party paid any mind to them, as there were several other couples scattered along the house doing the same. Well, no one minded except for Gabe.

“Yes! Go Joosh!” He cheered as the song kept loudly playing, becoming the soundtrack to their first actual kiss. Josh and Liv didn’t break away, instead they both grinned into the kiss, Liv bringing her hands up to Josh’s jaw and trying to pull him in closer, if that were even possible. Josh’s tongue snuck into her mouth, and Liv melted in his lap again. His hands were rubbing up and down her back, Liv’s thumbs lightly rubbed the stubble on his jaw. Josh pulled away slightly to catch his breath, lips still brushing.

“Have I ever told you I love this song?” He grinned even wider.

“You’re stupid.” Liv grabbed him by the shirt collar and smashed their lips together again. Josh’s hand ran up her back to the nape of her neck, pulling away slightly.

“You know, the rooms upstairs are available.” Josh whispered.

Josh kicked open the door to what would one day be his parents room, but was currently his dad’s. It was dark and no one was in there.

“What time is it?” Liv asked, face flushed.

“We’ve got time.” Josh assured her and gave her a quick kiss. “I promise.”

“15 minutes.” Liv said to him as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“15 minutes.” Josh repeated, a dopey smile crossing his lips. “16?”

“Shut up,” Liv gave him a deep kiss. “We’ve got places to be.”

“I never wanna stop kissing you, Liv.”

Kiss.

“You’re gonna distract me, Josh.”

Kiss.

“God, Tiger’s gonna kill me.”

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Liv giggled into Josh’s mouth as he pulled her with him to the bed and she got in his lap again. Josh gave her soft kisses all over her face, Liv scrunched her nose. Josh chuckled at her face as he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

“Is this happening for real?” She asked, practically glowing in the moonlight shining through the window.

“I should be asking the same thing.” Josh looked up at her with those hazel puppy dog eyes. God. “Hachi machi…”

She made a face. “Please don’t say that ever again.” Liv giggled as he kissed her again lightly, lips traveling over her cheek and down her neck. It was another moment where Biotics weren’t a concern and the weight of the world wasn’t on their shoulders. It was just Liv and Josh together, falling in love. Finally. The feeling of Josh’s lips kissing down her neck was addicting, and she never wanted the moment to end. She balled his jacket in her fists as she let out flustered giggles. She could feel Josh grin as he searched with his lips for any spot on her neck that would make her react the way he wanted her to. His hands slid over her hips, pulling her closer to him.

“Josh?” Liv giggled.

“Hm?”

“Why do you have a fucking lightsaber in your pants?”

Josh pulled back in shock, blushing and laughing. “Oh, uh, sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, it’s just,” she glanced down. “Holy shit?!”

Josh looked down too. “Jesus Christ!” He was in just as much shock. “Way to go Wolf!” Josh hadn’t been lying when he said that this dick was huge.

“You’ll have to show me that sometime.” She whispered slyly in his ear, playing with the collar of his shirt. Josh looked at her with the most shocked and horny look.

“Really…?”

“Yeah…” Liv slowly and sensually kissed him again, tangling her hands into his hair. Josh let out a small moan against her lips. Liv faltered. “Jesus…” she mumbled, grinning against his lips. Josh let his fingers shyly graze up under the back of her shirt.

The door opened, making Liv and Josh look over Liv’s shoulder and freeze. Gabe and Diane’s flirty giggles stopped as they realized the room was occupied.

“Oh! Joosh, Liv! Didn’t realize you were in here.” Gabe said, arm wrapped around Diane’s waist.

“Oh!” Liv scrambled off of Josh’s lap. “Uh, that’s okay, we were just leaving.” She pulled Josh to his feet.

“Diane and I were just…we were coming up here to clean the cupcake off of her.” Gabe stammered, pointing to the frosting mess that decorated her shirt. Yeah, okay, “cleaning”.

“Cupcake…” Josh mumbled under his breath.

“Oh…okay!” Liv said, awkwardly standing in front of Josh, hiding the obvious sign in Josh’s pants that they’d been doing nefarious activities.

“We’ve gotta leave for real this time, it was really nice to meet you Gabe.” Josh said, nudging Liv to head towards the door.

“Likewise,” Gabe said, grinning.

“Oh, well, hopefully we’ll see you guys again, Joosh and Liv.” Diane said as they awkwardly shuffled past them as they exited.

“Oh…you will…” Liv gave Diane a small smile. “I’m pretty sure we will.”

Gabe slapped Josh on the back as he walked past, holding his fist out for a fist bump. “Nice score, Joosh.” Josh awkwardly fist bumped his dad.

“Thanks…bye…” he nudged Liv down the stairs. “I can’t believe my parents just caught us…making out…” he said in disbelief. “And I think my dad just encouraged it.”

“So, your parents are okay!” Liv said excitedly.

“Yeah,” Josh let out a relieved sigh. “They’re okay. I’m okay.”

Liv held out her hand to stop him. “Gun.” She reminded him, staring at it on the wall. “You get it. I’m against guns.”

Josh looked at her and then at the gun. “And I’m not?!”

“If you get it I’ll give you a kiss.”

Josh let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t believe the chokehold you have on me right now.” He muttered. Josh moved from point A (his spot next to Liv) to point B (the mounted gun) as if he were trying to be a ninja. As Liv looked around the room, everyone seemed too drunk and high to notice or care. Josh removed it from its mount and clutched it like it was loaded and ready to fire at any moment.

As Liv casually walked out the front door, Josh sidestepped like a crab with his back against the wall all the way to the exit. “Really?” She asked, unimpressed.

“So, do I get that kiss now, or…?”

“Not while you’re holding that gun!”

“What?!”

“Put it on the ground and I’ll kiss you.”

Josh put the gun gently on the ground and looked at her excitedly. It was adorable how much he wanted to kiss her. Liv grabbed his face and gave him a big, giant kiss on the lips.

“Is this our thing now?” She giggled, pulling away to see Josh’s dopey lovesick grin.

“I think it might be, and you know who’s gonna be pissed? Tiger.” Josh said, making both of them double over laughing.

Corey Hart’s hit song “Sunglasss At Night” was all Tiger could hear. Tiger’s night had not gone down as well as Josh and Liv’s had. In fact she was trapped in Corey Hart’s dressing room inside of a giant pair of sunglasses (thanks to Wolf). She’d followed Wolf backstage after he dropped the bomb on her that he was quitting (she had to recruit some 15 year old Corey Hart fans to help her). Nothing made him want to come back. Not even Liv. She pounded against the front of it enough times she’d felt it start to loosen and open.

“I’m not dying in this fucking sunglasses hut.” She threw all of her body weight against it, almost spilling to the ground as it swung open.

Wolf exited the venue to the back where he’d left his car. He’d never returned it like Tiger, Josh, and Liv wanted him to. It was his. He leaned in through the open window of the driver's seat and grabbed the TTD, ready to destroy it. He loved it in the 80s and wanted to stay, he’d never felt so loved and wanted. Except when he was with Liv and the Futturmans. But he belonged in this era, he knew it. He held it up, ready to smash it against the hood of the car.

“No!” Tiger gave a guttural scream as she tackled Wolf to the ground. The TTD slid under the car.

“Don’t try and stop me!” He yelled, swinging a punch and nailing Tiger in the face.

“Are you trying to strand us here?” She picked up a stanchion and swung it at him. He jumped back and she hit the car instead.

“No, not the car!” He wailed as Tiger repeatedly hit it, breaking off a mirror. “Part of you wants to stay here, I know it! Why else would you take a DNA test?”

“That was a mistake!” She screamed, trying to bash both Wolf and the car as he repeatedly dodged her attempts. He picked up the bumper, which had fallen off in Tiger’s battery of the car. Their metal weapons clanged as they struck at each other. Tiger shoved him back with a heavy grunt. Wolf hit the car as he wound up to strike again, pushing the hood open with the bumper on accident. The tied up man from earlier was still in the trunk and seized the opportunity to make a run for it, going unnoticed by Tiger and Wolf. Tiger managed to hit Wolf in the face with the round base of the stanchion, making him drop the bumper as he reached for his nose in pain. He retaliated by kicking her in the stomach, sending her flying back over the car.

Tiger pulled the katana from her belt, thwipping Wolf several times across the face. He fell onto the hood of the car, leaving a trail of blood over the windshield as Tiger grabbed him, pulling him off and shoving him against a dumpster. He looked up at her, blood trails pouring down his face.

“I’m doing this for both of us.” He panted. Grabbing a brick, he readied his arm in the direction of the TTD.

“Wolf, you stupid motherfucker!” Tiger yelled, punching him and wrestling the brick from his hand. “Stand down!”

She threw him through the passenger window of the car. Grabbing a skateboard from the back, Wolf jabbed Tiger in the ribs, sliding out of the car, broken glass falling from his arms. Tiger landed one last blow to Wolf’s face as he tried to retreat back inside the car, but Tiger kicked him, sending him and the driver’s side door flying across the asphalt. Wolf laid on the door, head spinning. Tiger violently grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him up, landing several blows to his face before letting out a war cry, swinging him over her head and slamming him down to the hood of the car.

Wolf’s face was covered in blood, dripping down his back and seeping into his shirt. Tiger looked at him sadly as she limped around him as his chest heaved.

“Don’t make me keep doing this to you.” She begged.

“I don’t have any fight left in me, Tiger.” She could hear the fatigue in his gravelly voice. “But I got a taste of freedom and there’s no coming back from that.” He shook his head, tears falling from his eyes and mixing with the blood. “I’m done.” He sounded so defeated.

Tiger looked down at him. She quickly shook her head. “You can’t be done, Wolf.”

“I’m not Wolf anymore. You know what my name is.” He said, lifting his head slightly as he could hear the crowd loudly chanting “Corey! Corey! Corey!”

Tiger felt a lump form in her throat as she watched Wolf listen to the crowd cheering for Corey Hart. She didn’t want to lose him.

“You’re going to have to kill me.” He mumbled. Tiger closed her eyes to stop the tears. “Punishment for desertion is death.” He laid his arms straight out of either side of him, prepared for Tiger to plunge her katana in his chest. “Do it.” If he couldn’t live a life where he’d be happy, he didn’t want to live at all. Tiger reached for her knife, chest heaving as she felt tears stream down her face.

Elias Kronish’s heart stopped when he heard a gun cock behind his head. He dropped the full garbage sack he’d been holding out of fear.

“Come with me if you want to live. Truly live.” A voice that sounded like it was trying to be intimidating said. Kronish raised his hands.

“Look, I just-“

“Get in your car.” A woman’s voice said. “Now.”

Kronish fumbled with his car keys in his pocket as his hands began to sweat and his brain was in fight or flight mode.

“Okay, okay, I have my keys.”

“Get in and take us to the marina.” The man’s not so intimidating voice said.

“I-“ Kronish paused. “The marina?”

“The marina.” The two people said at the same time. Kronish inched over to his car, unlocking it and shakily getting in the front seat. He heard the two back doors open as his kidnappers got in.

“The prostitute?!” He cried, whipping around after seeing the man’s face in the rear view mirror.

“We don’t have time to talk about this! You’ve got to get to the marina before midnight!”

Kronish looked over at the woman. “You’re the gay porn girl!” He was shocked.

“Yeah, yes, I’m the prostitute and she’s the gay porn girl.” The gun was pointed at him again. “Drive.”

As Kronish drove, Liv felt the exceeding guilt weigh on her. Josh’s hands were trembling as he kept the gun pointed at Kronish as he shakily took every turn. When they pulled up to the marina, Kronish quickly got out of the car and Josh followed, gun still pointed at him.

“Okay, we’re here!” Kronish held his hands up defensively as Josh followed him so closely with it. “Now will you tell me who the hell you crazy people are and why you are so violently supportive of my…” Kronish whispered as he said, “…homosexual lifestyle?”

“Dr. K, you know what? We really, really tried this whole freewill thing, but it’s not as easy as it seems.” Josh said, nervously shifting back and forth, gun still raised. “So, here we are.”

“You have to get on that boat.” Liv demanded.

“How do you even know about the boat?” Kronish narrowed his eyes at her. “That was a secret plan.”

“We know everything about your secret plan. Seychelles, the conch fritters,” Josh said, making Kronish’s eyes widen. That must have been things 2017 Kronish had told Josh back in the lab. “Trust us. Your life is going to be much happier if you do that and don’t stay here with your wife.”

“You’re telling me to throw my life away.” Kronish pointed toward the boats.

“No, we’re asking you to change your life for the better.” Liv said.

“What do you know? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a gay black man in this world?”

Josh shot a glance at Liv as he lowered the gun. “Obviously, we don’t.” He said. “Howerever-“

“Getting on that boat…I’m not just throwing my life away, I’m throwing away my career, my social life, the church-“

“Listen! Okay? The world is going to get much better for gay people!” Liv yelled.

“…sort of.” Josh added. “In some states.”

“You’ll wanna stick to the coasts- but! You have a boat! So that’s perfect!” Liv said positively.

“What do you know?” Kronish shouted. “You’re just crazy kidnappers with a gun! Help!” He cried.

Josh panicked as Kronish screamed, looking to Liv, who pried the gun from Josh’s hands and chucked it into the water. Kronish looked stunned.

“We’re not crazy!” Liv cried.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut as he blurted out, “We’re from the future.” Kronish stared at them for a moment. Then he tackled Josh to the ground.

“Josh!” Liv shrieked, jumping back. Kronish wrestled Josh into a headlock. “Dr. Kronish! Dr. Kronish! We can prove it to you!” She begged, grabbing at his arms.

“He can prove it to the sandman,” Kronish said through gritted teeth. “You’re next.” He tried to push her away while still holding Josh in the headlock.

“Show him the picture you took with him, Josh!”

Josh fumbled with his phone in his pocket, dropping it to the ground as his vision went blurry. Liv dropped to her knees, picking it up and hurriedly pulling up the photos of Josh and Kronish, the blurry one, the normal one, and the silly one.

“Look! Look! That’s you and him!” Liv frantically held out the phone. A look of familiarity crossed Kronish’s face as he saw his older self. He dropped Josh to the ground, who gasped for air and rubbed his neck. Kronish reached out and grabbed Josh’s phone from her hands in shock and confusion. Liv helped Josh up, grabbing his face and making sure he was okay. He looked like he was clinging onto consciousness for dear life.

“What- what is this?” Kronish breathed out. Clinging to Liv, Josh turned and touched his phone, zooming in on the picture hanging up behind them in the photo.

“You see that?” It was a picture of the boat Leslie had gotten Kronish. “It’s that…” he pointed to the exact boat behind him. Kronish looked, eyes filled with a million emotions, fear, curiosity, confusion, excitement, all at once.

“That photo is hanging on the wall of your office in 2017.” Liv explained as Josh continued to cling to her like a koala. “We know that because we work for you.”

“We have come a very long way to try and save you.” Josh reached for his throat as he let himself take a deep breath, leaning his head against Liv’s. Kronish looked up at them and shook his head and blinked a few times, as though he were trying to wake up from a dream.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“So you’re telling me you two have been back and forth through time, courting death just to avoid killing me?” The three of them sat on a bench, explaining everything to Kronish. Everything.

Josh slowly nodded. “Yeah. Which is why you have to get on that boat.”

“If you don’t…our colleagues will shoot you as a baby.” Liv said, bracing herself for Kronish’s reaction.

“So, my big breakthrough was possum semen?” Kronish asked. Josh and Liv were not expecting that to be his first follow up question. “Really?”

Josh shrugged. “Yeah, it’s crazy. Look, we have broken every rule of time travel by telling you this, so, please, please get on that boat.”

Kronish looked at them with a soft expression. “You’ve sacrificed so much to be here,” he smiled as he stood from the bench. “The least I could do is sail away with the love of my life and be happy forever.” He stuck out a hand to shake Josh’s hand.

Josh excitedly jumped to his feet. “Oh wow, yes! Thank you!”

He turned to Liv and shook her hand too. “For the record, I don’t film gay porn and he’s not a prostitute.” She said, making Kronish chuckle.

“I figured.” He looked at both of them. “Set sail.” He said, winking at them, remembering Josh’s advice from earlier. He approached the entrance. “Oh, Marigold still thinks I’m taking out the trash-“

“Don’t worry, we’ve got it covered.” Josh assured him. “Bon voyage Dr. K.” He sounded slightly sad.

“Safe travels.” Liv gave him a small wave. They both would miss Kronish dearly.

“Goodbye Josh, goodbye Liv.” He gave them one last smile before hyping himself up to walk through the entrance. Josh and Liv both watched with bated breath as Kronish made his way down the dock and to the boat with the title “S.S. Second Coming”. Leslie stepped off the boat as soon as he saw Kronish.

Josh leaned his head against Liv’s. “Bon voyage.” He whispered as they watched Leslie and Kronish embrace, sinking down to the dock, happiness radiating from them. Liv tightly hugged Josh as happy tears fell from her eyes.

“We did it.” She said quietly.

Josh looked at her and grinned widely. “We did. I’ve never been so relieved.” He planted a light peck on her lips. Liv stiffened as she looked at the headlights approaching behind Josh. He turned his head to look. Correction: headlight. It was Wolf’s Pontiac and it was badly beaten up. The driver’s side door was gone and only Tiger sat in the car, badly bruised with dried blood crusted under her nose. Liv untangled herself from Josh.

“What happened? Where’s Wolf?” Josh’s eyes grew concerned as he bent down to look inside the car.

“He’s gone.” Tiger said.

“Gone.” Liv repeated, eyes welling up again. “What- what do you mean?”

“He’s just- he’s gone.” Tiger stated, looking at the ground. “Don’t ask again.”

“Holy shit.” Josh muttered, looking at Liv, who was holding back tears. He looked back to Tiger, reaching out to comfort her. “Are you okay?”

She flinched away and stared down at the steering wheel. “Did you get Kronish on the boat?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we finally did it this time.” Josh solemnly nodded.

“Good. Now let’s go, I fuckin’ hate the 80s.” Tiger said quietly. Liv sat on Josh’s lap in the passenger seat as Tiger drove them back to the lot for sale that would have been the location for Kronish Labs. The ride was mournfully quiet. Liv silently cried as Josh rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. Wolf was gone and her heart ached. Josh caught Tiger eyeing them over and over again. She parked the car in the lot and they all quietly got out of the car and Tiger tapped away on the TTD.

“Okay, Kronish Labs was built in 1992. If my plan worked and we jump back to 2017 it won’t be there.” Josh said.

“Tell me this will all be worth it.” Tiger sighed as the TTD began to whir, firing up.

“Oh shit,” Josh looked over at Liv as he placed a hand on both her and Tiger’s shoulders. “We forgot to tell Marigold- ah whatever.” In a flash of lighting they were gone.

After a less painful time traveling trip, they landed back in 2017 to an empty lot. “Oh my God…” Josh gasped. “We did it!” He turned his head to look at Tiger and Liv. “It worked!” Liv pulled him into a hug, burying her face in his shoulder as they both laughed, relieved.

“Okay, body part check…” Liv pulled away and started patting herself down. “…I think I’m good.”

“Me too…” Josh said, doing the same. “Tiger?” Josh looked at Tiger who was staring up at something, completely horrified. Josh’s face fell. “Tiger?”

Liv's head snapped up, hearing the concern in Josh’s voice. Josh was slowly turning around, face turning white. Liv looked over her shoulder and shock coursed through her veins. A tall and menacing black building loomed over them, The Kronish Labs logo right in the middle.

[heydorothea009]

Hi,i have a silly little question.

In your fanfic "Bread on toast" how do you imagine Liv's physical and psychological appearance?

Or was it inspired by something or someone?

(I don't remember if you already explained it in any of the chapters, sorry ;^;)

I was looking for more details on the character, for me it's intriguing.

I love your fanfic and it's perfect!!!

Ah, one more small question, does the Fanfic go as far as Liv meeting Joosh (JFutz)?

I love your work and good continuation 🛐🌟💖

Yes yes yes I would love to share!!!!! So Liv’s physical appearance is based off of the actress Maia Mitchell (she’s in things like Teen Beach Movie and The Fosters) and her personality is heavily influenced by unfortunately myself (me when self insert character 😄👍🫵😔), but also off of a bunch of other characters I love such as Nya from Ninjago, also Jay from Ninjago (can you tell that I like Ninjago? :D). She is basically the kind of character that I personally wish they had added in the show.

I’m genuinely so thrilled you’re enjoying my fanfic so far!! I’m actually currently working on and am halfway through the season 2 installment that I will start uploading after season 1, so, there’s a strong possibility that JFUTZ may or may not make an appearance ;)

[heydorothea009]

In honor of the new chapter of my Future Man fanfiction ‼️🤩🗣️

This scene had me feelin a type of way 🤤

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, (this is probably the episode you all have been waiting for) Josh puts on lingerie (and looks hot while doing it), alludes to Kronish and Leslie having sex, hijinks are about to ensue

Chapter 8: Operation: Fatal Attraction

A/N: hey party people, just wanted to pop in and tell you this is my favorite chapter :p

Tiger threw Josh to the ground faster than he had time to react. All of the sudden his back hit the ground and it knocked the wind out of him.

“Tiger!” Liv cried, also shocked.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Tiger yelled, stepping on his chest. “This was not the plan. You’re fucking up the plan!”

“This day was the turning point in Kronish’s life!” Josh gasped. “He was going to give it all up and sail away with his one true love, Leslie! Instead he stayed with his wife and kept doing research. It’s his biggest regret-“

Tiger rolled her eyes at Josh’s blabbering. “Wolf! Help me stand on his chest!” She called to Wolf, who was still excitedly checking out the Corey Hart poster.

“Tiger! Off his chest!” Liv snapped her fingers as if Tiger were a dog. “Let him breathe!”

“I thought you weren’t happy with him.” Tiger said flatly to Liv. “Why don’t you help me stand on his chest.”

“Tiger, let him speak!” Liv marched up to Tiger, ready to push her off of Josh’s chest, but realized she might suffer the same fate if she did that. Josh tried to sit up but Tiger just pushed him right back down with her boot.

“Tiger,” Josh’s voice cracked. “You said that if there was a way to save the world without killing anyone you would do it. This is a way.”

Tiger pursed her lips as she considered this. “How do we get him on the boat?” Tiger shot Liv a glare as she inched a little too close. “He gets to get up if he can come up with an actual good plan.” She hissed to Liv, who shrunk away, giving Josh an apologetic look.

“We already know Kronish is having an affair with Leslie. So, we just need to expose that-“

“Difficult.” Tiger interrupted, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head down at him.

“-which will blow up his marriage-“

“Speculative .”

“-which was bad anyways because Marigold was already cheating on him too-“

“Hearsay.”

“-which would give him the push he needs to leave. It’ll be a win-win for everybody!” Josh finished, sounding positive. “It’s gonna work. Trust me, alright? We’ll go back to 2017 to a world with no Kronish Labs…and if there is, well, there’s always a baby to kill in 1949.”

Wolf wandered back to the group holding two ice cream cones, offering Liv one. Tiger caught Josh’s attention again by slightly digging her heel into his ribs, making him wince.

“If you time trick us again, I'll burst your nut sack.” She stated, taking her foot off his chest.

Josh’s expression fell as he instinctively covered his crotch. “…okay…” he mumbled, sitting up. Liv held out a hand and helped him to his feet as she licked her ice cream. “Hey, Wolf,” he looked at Wolf, who was licking his ice cream as well. “We need some wheels.”

Wolf stopped licking the ice cream. “Oh, I’ll get you 100 fuckin’ wheels.” He said, growing excited.

“Oh, uh, no, we just need four. On a car.” Josh said, glancing at Liv again, who glanced at him too, trying to suppress a smile behind her ice cream, probably at how giddy Wolf seemed to be. Josh couldn’t help but grin too, her smile was contagious.

“On it.” Wolf nodded, diving back into the chocolate ice cream.

“Is that good, Wolf?” Liv giggled. Wolf was on cloud 9, he’d never had ice cream before.

“Fuckin’ delicious.” Wolf looked like he was making out with the ice cream. Liv snickered and scrunched her nose, going back to her own ice cream. Josh’s eyes were still stuck on Liv. He had no thoughts in his head, he’d even forgotten where they were for a second. He just watched Liv giggle at Wolf. He liked her laugh.

“What else?” Tiger’s harsh voice snapped him back to reality.

“We’ve, uh, we’ve got some shopping to do.” Josh said, looking back to Tiger, her eyes piercing into his.

“What.” She grumbled.

“I’ll explain when we get there.” Josh said.

“Are we going to get, like, era appropriate outfits, because we look stupid, Josh.” Liv said, referring to the janitor uniforms they both were wearing.

“Uh, if you want?” Josh shrugged. “You don’t look stupid though, Liv, I hope you know that.” Wolf hummed happily, licking some melting ice cream off of the cone. Tiger sharply exhaled through her nose and slapped the cone from Wolf’s hand. Wolf looked down at the ice cream, stunned. Tiger slapped Liv’s from her hands too and marched away. Liv frowned.

“Tiger,” Wolf growled. “I was licking that.”

“I don’t give a shit.” Tiger snapped as she stomped away.

“Jesus,” Liv muttered, trying to wipe chocolate ice cream off of her jumpsuit. “What’s her deal?”

Wolf sauntered after Tiger, and Josh and Liv fell slightly behind. “I thought I came up with a good plan, she stopped stepping on me.” Josh mumbled to Liv.

“Oh…she might still be moody from the police station.” Liv whispered.

“Maybe.” Josh whispered back. Tiger whipped her head around to glare at them.

“Could you walk any fucking slower? Come on! We don’t have all day!” She lashed. Liv and Josh both sped up. As they both walked closer to Tiger and Wolf, their hands brushed. Liv’s immediate response was to move her hand away, acting like she just needed to scratch her arm. Josh’s hand lingered for a moment as his brain buffered. He slowly copied Liv, moving his hand away and pretending he needed to rub his eye. Wolf stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“Okay Liv, you and me need to go find us a sweet ride.” He beamed.

“Actually!” Josh blurted out, louder than he’d meant to. “Wolf, you can do this on your own.”

“Are you sure?” Liv asked skeptically.

“Yeah!” Josh awkwardly folded his arms.

“I can go by myself?” Wolf asked, sounding stunned that Josh trusted him. Tiger pursed her lips and looked annoyed.

“Fine.” She gave an annoyed huff. “Wolf, get us a car.” She glanced at Josh and looked him up and down. She then glanced at Liv, then back to Josh, realizing she was about to be third wheeling. Wolf took off running.

“I won’t let you down!” He shouted as he ran off.

“Where are we going Josh?” Liv asked, combing her fingers through her hair. Josh stared at her for a moment. Liv gave him a weird look, making him blink and look at the ground. Tiger groaned. Yeah, she was third wheeling.

“Okay, so, we need to find a lingerie store.”

The moment they walked up to the adult shop, Liv started to separate from the group.

“Liv, where are you going?” Josh asked, sounding panicked. He didn’t want to be left alone with Tiger and surrounded by lingerie.

“We’re getting weird looks, I’m going to get an era appropriate outfit.” Liv said.

“Smart.” Tiger stated from behind Josh.

“Liv, can’t you wait?” Josh whined, he didn’t feel comfortable picking out lingerie for Tiger. He called his plan “Operation: Fatal Attraction”, like the movie, Fatal Attraction.

“Josh.” Liv sighed and pointed to the clothing store next door. “I’ll just be in there. You’re a big boy, go and pick out lingerie.” She poked him in the ribs. Josh’s stomach flip flopped and his cheeks flushed as she turned and walked into the neighboring store and stared longingly after her.

“…you’ve gotta be shitting me.” Tiger murmured as she marched into the adult novelties store. Josh snapped back to reality and followed her in.

“Wait- Tiger!”

“Do I seriously have to hang around…” she gestured to all of Josh. “…this right now?”

Josh frowned. “Ouch…”

“This pathetic, sad, little…puppy dog man?” She spat. People around them started looking.

“Tiger, that’s mean.” Josh mumbled.

“You’re a pathetic mess right now.” Tiger hissed through gritted teeth. Josh looked like a deer in headlights as she leaned down to his level. “Stay hard.”

“What?”

“Stay hard.” Tiger repeated. Josh blinked obliviously. “Stop staring at Liv.” She squinted her eyes at him. “You’re supposed to stay focused.” Josh went beet red and turned to a rack of bras and started looking through them without responding. Tiger let out a heavy sigh and put her hands on her hips. “…sorry.” She hesitated before saying it, she wasn’t usually one to apologize and she wasn’t sure why she felt the need to do so, but she did. She took another deep breath in and out. “Let’s just get this job done. Why are we here in this skimpy clothes store?”

“It’s like the movie Fatal Attraction, you’re playing a psycho mistress like the one played by Glenn Close, but you will be posing as Leslie. In the movie she has sex with Michael Douglas, who’s like Kronish. We’re going to go into Kronish’s house, take some sexy pictures of you on his bed, leave it there for his wife to find, affair exposed, marriage over, future saved.”

“Or,” Tiger said, picking up some red knee high nylon socks. “We put a gun to his head and make him get on the boat.”

“No Tiger, we can’t force him. It has to be on his own free will, okay?” Josh shook his head, picking up a corset as holding it up to Tiger’s body. She tensed up and pursed her lips. “That looks right, right?” Josh muttered.

“Don’t touch me.” Tiger slapped the corset away and rolled her eyes.

“What about this robe?” Josh studied a pink lace and silk robe.

“I literally don’t care.” Tiger huffed. “Just get something and let’s get this over with.”

Tiger was annoyed the rest of the time while Josh held up different bra options for her to wear asking questions like “what size are you?” (She didn’t know) “what color looks best on you?” (She didn’t care) “Would you be willing to wear assless chaps?” (She was 5 seconds away from strangling Josh with said assless chaps).

“Why can’t Liv do this?” Tiger finally complained, slapping a thong out of his hands.

“Because-“ Josh froze. The very thought of Liv in any of this was too much for his brain to handle. “Because, you’re doing it.” Josh choked out. Tiger groaned. “Tiger, just go with me here, okay?” Josh sighed, making his way over to the section with lipsticks on display.

They bought the items they’d picked out and met Liv outside of the shop, who was wearing baggy jean shorts and a yellow tank top. She fit right in and Josh thought she looked really pretty. In the most platonic way possible, of course. It’s not like he was falling for her every time he looked her in the eyes.

“So, what is this?” Liv asked, snatching the bag from Josh’s hands and rifling through it. “Josh, are you going to seduce Kronish?” Liv teased, giving him a smug look and pulling out a tube of lipstick.

“Ha. Ha.” Josh snatched the bag back. “No.” He grabbed the lipstick from her hand and stuck it back in the bag.

“I’m psycho mistress, Glenn Close.” Tiger said. “I have pleasure sex with Michael Douglas.” Liv gave her a weird look.

“Fatal Attraction.” Josh added.

“Yeah, I know that movie. What does this have to do with anything?” Liv asked.

“We’re going to take sexy pictures of Tiger on Kronish’s bed and leave them for Marigold to find.” Josh said.

Liv nodded. “Hot.” A red car came squealing to a halt on the street next to them and Wolf proudly got out.

“What the fuck is this?” Tiger grumbled.

“1985 Pontiac Fiero GT, 2.8 liter V6, 140 horsepower, and four fuckin’ wheels.” Wolf proudly folded his arms and leaned against the car.

Tiger looked unimpressed. “And two fucking seats.”

“Where do Liv and I sit?” Josh asked.

“Liv can squeeze next to Tiger.” Wolf said.

“No.” Liv and Tiger said at the exact same time. They already knew how Tiger didn’t like when Liv sat too close.

“Josh,” Wolf opened the hood of the car to reveal a small trunk that held a man who was bound and gagged.

“Jesus Christ!” Josh gasped.

“Wolf! Did you steal this man’s car?” Liv scolded.

Tiger stepped forward and slammed the hood. “This car is useless.”

Josh turned to Liv with panicked eyes. “Is that kidnapping?” He asked frantically. Liv shrugged and looked equally as panicked.

“We’d be more successful if we took electrodes, attached them to a sewer clown’s nuts and told him to run.” Tiger narrowed her eyes at Wolf.

“Oh what? You wanna sedan? Fuckin- a minivan? We’re gonna look lame!” Wolf argued.

“I’ll make you lame if you don’t return this car.” Tiger demanded. “That’s an order.”

Wolf looked at Liv, as if she would say something different. “Fine.” He seethed when Liv didn't say anything.

“And- and return the guy please.” Josh spoke up as Wolf angrily got in the driver’s seat. Wolf growled and slammed the door. He rolled down the windows and shot Tiger a nasty glare.

“Can a fucking sewer clown do this?” He growled as he loudly revved the engine. He sped away and the tires squealed. The three of them stared after the car for a moment, Tiger looking pissed, Josh looking stressed, and Liv looking scared.

“Okay. We’re walking.” Tiger turned on her heel and started walking down the sidewalk.

“Tiger,” Josh spoke up. “We have to go this way.” He pointed in the opposite direction. Tiger rolled her eyes and walked quickly past Liv and Josh.

“Does she know where she’s going?” Liv whispered to Josh as Tiger walked further and further ahead.

“I have no idea if we even know where we’re going.” Josh admitted quietly.

“He probably lived in the same house in ‘85…right?”

“I hope so.”

There was a few minutes of awkward silence between them, save for Liv and Josh calling up to Tiger when to make a turn. Tiger would throw dirty looks back at them, but would do as they would tell her. She clearly didn’t like being ordered around, even when it was simply just directions to Kronish’s house.

“Hey Liv?” Josh finally said, clutching the bag of lingerie in his arms. “Are you still mad at me?”

“What? Oh,” Liv folded her arms and looked at the ground. “Josh, I wasn’t mad at you, it’s just that I felt embarrassed.”

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“Josh, I really don’t want to talk about it.” Liv sighed. “Please.”

“Liv, I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for bringing it up. I thought Jeri was lying and that it was crazy, I…I just don’t want you to be mad at me.” Josh apologized.

Liv’s body language shifted, uncrossing her arms and becoming less guarded. “I’m not mad at you, Josh,” Liv laughed lightly. “I promise. It’s just…wouldn’t you feel a little embarrassed if someone had told Jeri you’d liked her and she approached you about it?”

Josh nodded and shrugged. “Yeah, good point.”

“This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends, I hope you know. I promise I won’t act all weird now. I don’t ever want to lose you.” Liv said. Josh’s heart swelled as he slowed down and gave Liv a sentimental and sweet look.

“Yeah, same. You mean a lot to me.” Josh looked down at the ground and felt his cheeks get warmer.

Liv bumped shoulders with him as they walked. “I mean, you’re cool I guess. I tolerate you.” She teased. Josh looked back at her, a sappy grin spreading over his face.

“I see it.” Tiger stated loudly, turning right.

Josh and Liv both sped up. Sure enough, the name Kronish was scrawled in cursive along the side of their mailbox in front of their house.

“Rat pot.” Tiger muttered, ducking behind a car. Josh grabbed Liv’s arm and followed Tiger. Tiger went digging through her satchel and pulled out a pair of binoculars, handing them to Josh. “Find an entrance, we can’t just walk in through the front door.”

Josh peeked over the hood of the car with the binoculars. He looked around for a moment, when he saw a little white cat climb up and into an open window. “Bingo. I found our way in.”

Tiger popped up from behind the car, holding her hand up behind the sky and squinting. “Wolf was supposed to be here three fingers ago,” she said, measuring how far the sun had moved with her fingers. Liv and Josh’s eyes bugged out of their heads and they pulled Tiger back down. “He’s never late!”

“Get down, get down!” They both hissed.

“Maybe he got lost.” Josh said in a hushed voice, looking over at Liv, who was digging through the bag and pulling out lipsticks and examining them.

“Resistance soldiers don’t ever get lost, we’re born trackers. He could sniff out a sludge grub in a blood bog 20 kilometers away.” Tiger said. She looked up at the sky as she had a realization. “It’s gotta be the Biotics.”

“There’s Biotics here?” Liv asked.

“Yeah, after all our dicking around in history, they probably put deep cover guards on Kronish at every point in his life.” Tiger sank lower onto the ground. “Shit…he has the TTD. They’re gonna be tracking that.” She muttered. Josh looked over at Liv and they gave each other worried looks. Tiger looked at both of them. “I gotta go find Wolf.”

“B-but Tiger, this is our only shot.” Josh protested.

“You planned this op, you two are going to pull it off without me.” Tiger said.

“But-“ Josh started.

“You've got this. I trust you two, you’ve come a long way.” Tiger said, digging through the lingerie. “Now put on these assless chaps.” She threw some leather pants at Josh and stood up. “Saddle up.” Liv couldn’t help but snicker at Josh’s horrified face.

“Tiger! Tiger, wait!” Josh called after her as she began to walk away.

“And stay focused!” She turned around and pointed to Josh. “Liv! You’re the Josh babysitter now! Make sure you don’t, I dunno, distract him!”

Liv looked confused and blushed. Josh’s face grew more horrified and turned bright red. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

Tiger didn’t respond. Josh awkwardly turned to Liv. “I guess we-“

“Come on,” Liv snatched the pants from his hands and stuffed them back into the shopping bag. They both stealthily snuck across the yard and to the window.

“I’ll give you a boost.” Josh whispered, propping himself up on one knee. He boosted Liv up to the window and she pulled herself up. She awkwardly crawled through and fell right onto the ground in what she assumed was Kronish’s bedroom.

“Okay, Josh, hold on one sec, I- Josh!” Josh came through the window and fell right onto her. “Ow!” She groaned as Josh crashed into her, laying right on top of her.

He quickly scrambled off of her. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” His cheeks were burning a bright red. Liv’s whole face was hot and her body felt like it was on fire. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m okay,” she said, scrambling to her feet. “I’ll-“ she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Um, I’ll go and make sure the coast is clear.” Liv dashed towards the door.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll um…yeah…” Josh started pulling everything out of the bag. Liv snuck out of the bedroom and into the hall. After a few seconds she tiptoed back in.

“House is empty.” She said in a low voice.

A nervous tingle flushed through Josh’s body as Liv walked up next to him and surveyed the lingerie options. He shifted his feet awkwardly. “Okay, so, uh…I guess without Tiger here we can just have you put some of this on and-“

“Woah there,” Liv stopped him, holding up a finger. “Tiger clearly picked you to replace her.” She said, a smug grin spreading across her face. “She threw those assless chaps at you.”

Josh’s face flushed even redder. “Liv-“

“We can make it look like you’re a woman.” Liv said confidently. “Remember? I’m a great photographer.” She walked over to a nightstand and grabbed a polaroid camera. “You’re gonna want a cameraman.”

Josh looked horrified. “No, Liv-“

“You don’t want to see me in any of this.” She laughed walking back over to Josh, camera in her hands. Josh paused for a moment. He glanced at the lingerie and back to Liv. Thinking of Liv in lingerie again made his heart stop and his head feel a little dizzy. “Come on.” Liv said, shoving his arm.

“Are you sure it would work?” Josh asked nervously.

“Put that lingerie on, Futturman. For the fate of the world.” Liv added, bumping his hip with hers.

Josh inhaled deeply and looked back at his many, many options. “Fate of the world.” He muttered. He looked at Liv and rolled his eyes (playfully). “Goddammit Liv.”

“Hey, Tiger’s the one who picked you.” Liv giggled, sitting on the bed.

“I am not wearing the assless chaps.” Josh said loudly.

“Good, I didn’t want you to.”

“You have to turn around, you can’t look.” Josh muttered as he started to sort through the lacy pieces of clothing.

Liv slapped his hand away. “Okay, I don’t trust you to pick out anything sexy here. You’re a boy. Let the touch of a woman help you out here.”

“You could have said man.” Josh pouted.

“Boy.” Liv repeated, picking up some fishnets. “Boy.” She picked up some leopard print panties and snickered evilly.

“At least pick something flattering.” Josh started unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Woah there, Mr. Eager!” Liv stopped him. “Clothes stay on for right now, no one wants to see that!” Josh thought about making a snarky remark about her liking him, but decided against it. He didn’t want to make her mad for real this time. Liv turned around with his first option, fish nets, a tiny little black corset, and the leopard print panties.

“This is the best photoshoot ever.” Liv said to him with a teasing smile. She was so looking forward to how stupid he would look. Josh huffed and took the lingerie from her hands.

“Turn around.”

“There’s a bathroom right there.”

Josh paused and looked into the bathroom. “Just…turn around…” he muttered again. Liv shrugged and turned to the wall.

“Okay, suit yourself.”

“What if I need help getting some of this on?” Josh finally admitted. Liv laughed.

“Then I will help you…depending on what you need help with.” When Josh was sure she couldn’t see, he quickly stripped everything off.

“This is crazy.” He muttered. “This is so, so, so, crazy.”

“Get dressed.” Liv snapped her fingers.

“How do girls wear stuff like this?” He complained, putting on the panties.

Liv leaned her forehead against the wall with her hands covering her eyes. “I dunno, I’ve never worn lingerie.”

Josh paused. “…really?”

“Putting on underwear,” Liv snapped her fingers again. “Feeling sexy and free.” She continued, loudly pep talking to him. Josh huffed and dropped the corset on the ground, picking up the stockings instead.

“How do I…?” He held up the fishnet stockings. “…Liv?”

“Oh God, don’t tell me you need help.”

“Help.” Nothing. “Please?”

Liv hesitated, but turned around and saw the sight in front of her. This was the absolute most she’d ever seen of Josh. She burst out laughing.

“Liv!” Josh whined and held up the fishnets.

“Oh so what? You don’t know how to put on tights?” Liv made her way over to him. Josh’s heart lurched and he got a tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“There’s…a lot of holes…”

She pointed at the stockings. “Put them on like you would put on socks.” As Josh figured out how to put on the fishnets, Liv excitedly went through some of the other things on the bed. “Put these shoes on, your mom told me you could walk in heels.” Josh looked up from adjusting the stocking on his thighs to see Liv holding some chunky heels.

“My mom told you what?”

The heels made Josh about four inches taller than Liv (which was a first, they were the same height). She stood in front of him, putting a layered pearl choker around his neck. Josh’s heart was racing quicker than normal as he felt Liv’s fingers brushing against his neck.

“Looking gorgeous.” Liv teased, twisting the choker around so the clasp was in the back.

“Yeah,” Josh scoffed. “You’re probably loving this.” As soon as he said it he froze. Liv took a step away and gave him a stern look.

“What.”

Josh’s eyes widened. “I just meant- ‘cause- you know? I look like an idiot right now.” He said quickly.

Liv narrowed her eyes at him, studying him, but visibly relaxing. “You’re a very beautiful woman, Josh.” Josh let out a chuckle, feeling his shoulders relax. “This is the best you’ve ever looked.” She teased.

“Oh I bet.” Josh said, picking up the corset again.

“Actually wait,” Liv picked up a lacy little shawl. “Try this instead.” She helped Josh put it on and took a step back to admire her work (and admire her work). “Amazing!” She sang. She picked the camera off of the bed. “Now pose.”

“What do I do?” He asked as she held up the camera to her eye.

“Be sexy.” Liv said.

“Easier said than done,” he muttered.

“Just…pop your knee and put your hands on your hips like this.” Liv demonstrated for him. Josh awkwardly copied. “Okay,” Liv snapped a picture and waited for the picture to develop. Josh wandered over next to her and watched as the photo slowly developed.

“Is that a good one?” Josh asked as Liv took the picture and studied it.

“We’ll figure out once it develops!” She shooed him away. “Go back over there and pose again, I’ll get a couple angles.”

As Liv snapped more pictures, Josh became more comfortable and giddy. Liv made him put on a couple more outfits, including the silky pink robe from earlier with a boa around his neck, a little leopard print number with feather trim and a spiked choker, red fishnets and lacy red shorts, and several others. He’d even attempted a bit of liner on his eyes (which ended up a faded, smudged mess in three seconds anyways. Liv also reminded him his face wouldn’t be in the pictures after he’d decided to do that). He’d caught Liv staring and her eyes lingering on him several times, and every time a surge of tingly nerves shot through him. He was never nervous around Liv. He decided to chalk it all up to the fact he was so exposed and definitely not because he liked the feeling of her fingers lightly brushing his skin as she adjusted his jewelry and his corsets. That was for sure.

Liv was turned around with her face pressed into her hands as he changed again. It looked like a sexy, lingerie tornado had hit the room. The one problem Josh found with putting on the panties was the fact his dick was enormous now.

“Ow!” He yelped, trying to shove everything into place.

“You good?” Liv asked, starting to turn around.

“Don’t turn around!” Josh yelped.

“Okay, okay!” Liv turned back to the wall. Josh did a little hop as he adjusted the underwear. Putting on a blue robe with feathers on the trim, he did a little spin for himself in the mirror, humming to himself. “You can look now.”

Liv turned around and couldn’t suppress a smile as she watched him check himself out in the mirror (she shyly did too). She walked over to him, picking up different chokers from off the bed and holding them up to Josh’s neck, seeing which one she liked best. She was humming too.

“What song are you humming?” Josh asked.

“What song are you humming?” Liv asked as she picked the spiked choker.

“‘Love Shack’.” Josh said, then tensed up, wondering if that sounded weird.

“Ah, the whole shack shimmy.” Liv quoted the song as she clasped the choker and pushed it around. “I was humming ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’.” She said. “By Tiffany.” She added.

Josh gulped as Liv’s fingers brushed down his neck. “That- that is such a good song.” Josh said, red all the way up to the tips of his ears. He was going insane, if Liv adjusted anything on his body one more time, he thought he might explode. At the same time, he liked when she was this close to him.

Liv shoved everything off the bed while Josh figured out how to lace up a corset himself, they were almost done. The last batch of photos they were going to do were ones of Josh laying on Kronish’s bed. Josh sat on the edge of the bed.

“Wait, stay right there.” Liv crouched in front of him, snapping a picture. She stood up and waited for the picture to develop. “Okay, let’s do a couple more and then we can put leave the pictures for Marigold to find.”

Josh sorted through the pictures they already had. “Too much dick…” he tossed a picture behind him. “Oh God, are my legs really that hairy? Nope.” He tossed another one. “Wolf’s dick is ruining most of these pictures.” He muttered, looking up and seeing Liv pretending the bedding was far more interesting than what Josh was saying, cheeks rosy. Josh pried his eyes away from Liv’s blushing face and back to the pictures, blushing himself. “We can sort through these after, let’s take some more pictures.”

Liv stood on the bed with Josh laying in between her legs as the two of them giggled and took more raunchy pictures. “I’m trying to only get pictures without your face.” Liv giggled as Josh made a face at the camera.

“Oh what? Am I too beautiful for the pictures?” Josh asked teasingly.

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night.” Liv giggled. “Mkay, I think…these are good right?” Liv leaned down to show Josh, who was still laying on the bed, the pictures that were developed already. He sat up and looked through them.

“Yeah,” Josh muttered as he went through them. “Yeah!” He looked up at Liv, impressed with her work. “That’s a woman!” He joked.

“Here,” Liv clambered off the bed. “Start looking at the other ones and then put them in here.” She placed an envelope on the bed next to him. “I’ll clean this shit up.”

Josh scooted to the edge of the bed and sorted through the pictures, putting the best ones in there. “Oh Liv, we should seal this with a kiss for Marigold!” He said with a proud grin.

“Yeah, you should do that with the lipstick, put it to good use.” Liv laughed as she shoved the thick heels into the bag.

“Will you…help me put it on?” Josh asked sheepishly.

Liv playfully rolled her eyes and dropped the bag to the ground. “Oh so you can walk in heels but can’t put on lipstick?” She teased, digging out a tube of fire engine red lipstick. “You better hold still.” She knelt on this floor in front of him.

Josh didn’t know what to do with his mouth, Liv put a hand on his cheek to hold his face in place. Josh saw the look in Liv’s eyes as she realized how close their faces were, he probably had the same look in his eyes too.

“Open- open your mouth a little bit.” Liv stammered, blinking a few times. Josh did so and she started to run the lipstick over his lips.

“This good?” Josh asked, rubbing his lips together.

“Uh…” Liv didn’t move away after she finished applying the lipstick to Josh’s lips. Josh didn’t move away either. They both looked at each other, faces just inches apart.

Kiss her. KISS HER! His brain screamed. His eyes darted between her lips and her eyes. It felt like they sat there for eternity, when in reality it was more of an awkwardly silent three seconds. “Do I…do I have something on my face?” Josh asked awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Liv looked like she wanted to move away, but was entranced. Josh’s face was on fire all the way up to his ears. The sexual tension between them was so thick, Josh could slice it open with a knife.

“Sorry…I…” Liv trailed off. She didn’t know what to say. Josh could feel Liv’s shallow breaths against his face. As their noses brushed, Josh’s heart jumped into his throat. He’d never realized how much he wanted to kiss her until right in this moment. His heart was hammering in his chest. Oh God. He liked her. A lot.

Liv’s brain was glitching. “Josh?” She breathed out, still not moving away.

“Liv…I…” Josh whispered. He glanced into her eyes. He’d always thought Liv was beautiful, but right now in this moment, she was everything. She’d always meant so much to him and he’d always thought it was platonic…but the way he could feel her breath on his lips and the way her eyes looked longingly into his, he wanted to throw that all away. He wanted to kiss her so badly. His eyes dropped back down to her lips.

Liv wasn’t thinking about every reason she’d ever shoved down her feelings for Josh, she wasn’t thinking about what would happen after they kissed, if they did. She was thinking about Josh, sitting in front of her with lingerie on and smudged makeup and how she thought he was gorgeous. Her heart was palpitating.

“Liv, can I…kiss you?” Josh breathed out. He moved in, just centimeters closer, aching to close the gap between them. Liv gave a small nod and reciprocated. The tube of lipstick fell from her hand as they both slowly and nervously moved in. His hands gently set themselves on her waist. Their lips shyly brushed against each other.

“My husband is coming home in a few hours…so we don’t have much time…uh huh…” They heard from down the hall. Liv and Josh pulled away with wide, panicked eyes. Marigold had come home and neither of them had heard. “Yes, come over now!” They heard her say. Josh and Liv scrambled to their feet. Liv had a light smear of fire engine red across her lips. Josh sassily threw the feather boa he was wearing over his shoulder as he quickly tiptoed over to the door, quietly opening it just a sliver and peeking out.

“She is having an affair, she’s on the phone with someone.” He whispered loudly to Liv as she feverishly cleaned up the last of their mess and shoved it into the bag. “This is even better than my plan.”

“I’m going out to get some champagne and run some errands so just let yourself in. Wear something sexy.” Josh could hear the smile in Marigold’s voice. He watched Marigold excitedly prance over to the front door, and slipped out of the room.

“Josh!” He heard Liv hiss. He tiptoed down the hall to see if she’d left, when she appeared for a second, back turned to him, to grab something she almost forgot. Josh froze mid step, balancing on one leg as she almost turned around and saw him, but instead just walked out the door.

“Josh!” Liv hissed from behind him. “What are you doing?”

“Meddling.” He hissed back, trying to stealthily sneak into the kitchen, despite the loud clomping of his feathery kitten heels he was still wearing. Liv followed him into the kitchen. While Josh was clearly in meddling mode, she couldn’t get the fact that they had essentially kissed about 2 minutes ago out of her head.

“What’s your plan here?” Liv asked in a hushed voice. Josh picked up the phone that Marigold was talking on earlier.

“I’m calling Kronish’s job,” He said. “To see when he’s coming home.” He opened the phone book next to the phone and pointed to a number that was circled. “Bingo bango.” He muttered. Liv stood close behind him, her chest almost touching his back as she tried to see.

Josh looked over his shoulder at her and glanced down at her lips. “Oh…you’ve got…”

“Oh, your lipstick’s kinda…” Josh’s lipstick had gotten smudged and Liv was wearing a little of it.

Josh looked back at the phone, giddiness bubbling inside of him as he thought about what had almost happened a second earlier. “So…”

“Not the time Josh, dial the number.” Liv was trying to play it cool, but her heart was hammering out of her chest and she felt like she might explode with excitement. What would have happened had they not been interrupted? She was dying to know. Josh dialed the lab Kronish worked at.

“Hello, yes, hi,” Josh started. “I’m calling for Dr. Kronish, there’s something important he needs to come home for…oh he’s already on his way home? Oh, he’s sick.” Josh began pacing in front of the kitchen counter, shooting Liv a thumbs up. “That’s wonderful news, thank you.” He hung up the phone. He sassily leaned against the counter.

“Piece of cake. Ooh! Cake!” A cake (presumably a birthday cake for Kronish), sat in front of both of them on the counter. Josh swiped his finger across it, gathering some frosting with his finger, and sticking it in his mouth. “Mm, Liv, try this frosting.”

Liv was distracted, squinting out of the window at a man walking up to the house. “Is he coming here-? That’s him! That’s Marigold’s lover!” She excitedly hit Josh’s arm. Josh’s face broke into a mischievous grin.

“Oh shit, did you leave the bag in the room?” He asked.

“Fuck!” Liv cursed under her breath. Liv and Josh hurriedly dashed back down the hall and into Kronish’s bedroom, finding the bag had fallen off the bed and to the floor. Liv scooped up all the items that had fallen out and haphazardly shoved them back into the bag. Josh bumped into the table and almost knocked a heavy, Easter Island head off of it. They heard the man open and close the front door. They exchanged panicked looks. Josh frantically (but quietly) put the statue on the other side table as he grabbed Liv and pulled her into the closet with him, the man’s steps growing closer and closer to the bedroom door.

Just as Josh slid the closet door closed Liv came to the realization that this closet was tiny. Josh had his body pressed against hers, and Liv’s back was pressed against the wall. Her heart was pounding, both from the adrenaline and the closeness. The man’s shadow moved past the closet and Josh held his finger to his lips as he watched like a hawk. They heard the sound of him walking into the bathroom and undoing his belt. Josh poked his head out to see if the coast was clear. He looked at Liv and signaled for her to follow. The two of them tiptoed out the closet, to the door, and backed down the hall, making sure the man didn’t walk out and see them. Josh turned around just as the front door opened. Kronish. He almost made a noise, but quickly caught himself, grabbing Liv, who was still backing down the hall, by the shoulders and pushing her back into the bedroom.

“Under the bed, go under the bed.” He whispered frantically in her ear, praying the man wouldn’t see them. They snuck back into the room just as the man flushed the toilet, Liv immediately dropped and rolled under the bed and Josh followed her. Both of their eyes were wide as saucers as they tried to catch their breath quietly. They could see the man’s shoes as he walked out of the bathroom. Kronish entered. Josh grabbed Liv’s hand as she grabbed his shoulder excitedly. “It’s happening!” He mouthed to her. Kronish was about to face Marigold’s secret lover.

“Elias?” The man asked.

“…what are you doing here?” Kronish said in a low voice. Liv and Josh were shaking each other, the plan was working! There was a few brief moments where they didn’t hear anything as Kronish slowly approached the man. Liv stopped shaking Josh’s shoulder, they both looked confused. They heard kissing noises. Liv’s eyes went wider. Josh grabbed Liv’s shoulder and looked at her in shock. Clothes started falling to the floor in front of them. Liv slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from gasping out loud.

“Leslie…” they both heard Kronish mumble. Their jaws hit the ground. Leslie. This was Leslie. “…Leslie I’ve missed you…” Kronish said breathlessly as the bed creaked under their weight as they got on. Liv and Josh looked at each other.

“This…this is complicated.” Josh whispered.

Kronish and Leslie went at it for 2 hours. 2 hours of Liv and Josh under the bed listening to their ruckus and the bed rocking above their heads. Liv had somehow dozed off with her head propped up with her hand next to him, the squeaking and loud moaning above them becoming white noise to her. Josh laid his chin on his arms, his eyes were also starting to grow heavy. The two of them hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days (or years, if you counted all the time traveling). Josh couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d kissed Liv. Quickly, but they’d kissed.

Her head slipped from her hand and gently onto his shoulder. Josh tensed at first, worried she would wake up and move away, but after a few seconds relaxed as he realized she was out. He slowly and gently laid his head on hers, taking in a deep breath and letting himself relax for the first time in a while. Despite the erotic scene above them, the two of them shared a wholesome moment. For a blissful moment, there were no Biotics, they weren’t in the 80s, and there weren’t two people having very loud and passionate sex above them. There was just Josh Futturman and Liv Branson. Josh reflected on their friendship.

He’d met Liv on his first day at Kronish Labs three years prior; she'd only been there a month longer than him. He remembered how they immediately hit it off, teasing each other and cracking jokes the whole day as she showed him around. That day he had gone home and excitedly told his parents about his new friend. He remembered his mom begging him to invite her to their big Futturman Super Bowl party and how nervous he’d been to ask her. The way her face lit up as he asked and the way she enthusiastically agreed to be there was something he had never forgotten. That was the first time Gabe and Diane had met Liv, and they instantly fell in love with her and she attended every party they had thrown after that. In the beginning, Diane was always asking Josh if he liked her. Josh remembered blushing and denying it, saying he liked Jeri. He had liked Jeri, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he also had liked Liv.

He remembered the time a scientist had hit on Liv and asked her on a date, and how he couldn’t go to sleep until Liv called him to tell him all about how it went. He remembered secretly hoping that the date would go badly so Liv didn’t go out with him again. The two of them had stayed up until early the next morning talking about it, laughing at how awkward it had been. He’d been jealous. His heart immediately sank for Liv, who for three years had to hear about his more obvious crush on Jeri. He felt so bad. Liv was always a constant for him while Jeri hadn’t shown any interest until he got wrapped up in the grand scheme of the Resistance. Liv had been his world for three years.

His eyes had fluttered shut as he pondered, not noticing that Liv had rested her hand on his elbow as she slept. The little white cat from earlier snuck under the bed, meowing. Josh’s eyes flew open. Liv inhaled deeply and lifted her head groggily. The cat eyed them curiously, meowing quietly. Liv seemed to slowly be processing where she was, looking confused at first and then remembering everything.

“Shh!” Josh quietly shushed the cat. “Go away!” He reached over Liv and gave the cat a little push. The bed started shaking harder, knocking a book off of the bedside table to their right. Josh gave the cat another small push. “Not right now, go away.” He whispered. The cat walked out from under the bed. Liv and Josh saw the Easter Island statue from earlier go crashing to the ground as the bed rocked violently. It fell onto the poor cat. Killing it.

Liv and Josh couldn’t hold back their gasps of horror, which were thankfully drowned out by the noise Kronish and Leslie were making. Liv scooted over, poking the cat.

“Is it okay?!” Josh whispered.

“Oh my God, the cat is dead.” Liv whispered, starting to well up with tears. Josh remembered another memory about Liv: the time Liv cried on their lunch break the first time she saw a bin of dead possums at work. She didn’t like when animals were in peril. She tearfully pulled the cat back under the bed. “Poor baby…” she whispered.

Josh pressed his ear to the cat, wanting to hear if he could make out a heartbeat. He couldn’t. “It’s dead…”

Kronish and Leslie moaned loudly, seeming to be wrapping things up. Josh’s ears perked up and he looked up hopefully. “Finally.” He breathed out. Liv wiped her tears.

“And now…your turn…” Kronish said to Leslie. The bed began to rock again.

“Are you kidding me?” Josh whispered through gritted teeth. Liv’s forehead hit the ground as she gave a heavy sigh.

30 more minutes of Josh and Liv under the bed listening to Kronish and Leslie have sex went by. Liv slowly stopped crying (Josh had put his arm around her and pulled her in close to him as she mourned the loss of the cat they’d just met). Finally, the bed stopped rocking and the moaning died down, dissolving into content laughter. Josh and Liv glanced up at the bed hopefully.

“Leslie, can I ask you a very serious question?” Kronish asked, his laughter dying down. “Were you…meowing?”

Leslie chuckled. “I thought that was you meowing!” Liv and Josh tensed up, both looking at the dead cat.

“Oh, must’ve been my neighbor's cat, always coming through that window.” Kronish laughed.

“Well, I can’t blame him, I can’t stay away from you either.” Leslie said flirtatiously.

“Well, good, I wouldn’t want you to.” Kronish responded smoothly. “…Ever since 8th grade, I knew who I really was. But…I was just too afraid to act on it. But then I met you.”

Josh looked at Liv with a small smile. They both looked up as if they were grinning at Kronish.

“And you know what? Holding each other?” Kronish continued. “That’s the best part.”

Josh still had his arm around Liv. He rubbed her arm, she looked at him with a small, sappy smile.

There were a few moments of silence above them. “So, how did Marigold take the news?” Leslie asked.

“Well…”

“You haven’t told her?”

Josh and Liv’s faces fell. Poor Kronish.

“…I-I’m going to, I’m packed and everything. This is the hardest part! I-I’m thinking about Dear John-ing it.” Kronish said defensively.

“No, no, no!” Leslie interrupted. Liv and Josh frantically shook their heads in disagreement with Kronish. “You have to tell it to her face! You owe her that much.” Josh and Liv nodded in agreement with Leslie.

“Elias? Are you home?” Marigold was finally back.

“Marigold!” Kronish hissed.

“Shit!” Leslie scrambled off the bed.

“Hey honey!” Kronish yelled for Marigold to hear. Liv and Josh perked up, getting ready to dart out from under the bed and make their escape as soon as Kronish and Leslie were gone.

“Are you having doubts?” Leslie asked. “Tell her.”

“I just came home early!” Kronish continued to call out to his wife, fixing the sheets.

“I wanna hear it.” Leslie kept going. “I’ll be here for moral support, I’ll hide underneath the bed!” Liv and Josh looked at each other, panicked. “I’ll even hide in the closet!”

“That’s ridiculous, go out the window.” Kronish begged.

“Then I’ll see you at the marina tonight?” Leslie bent over, picking up his pants and shirt. Liv scooted back out of fear he might see them. Josh stayed, wide eyed.

“Of course.” Kronish sighed. They heard Kronish open the door just as the rustling of the blinds signaled that Leslie had climbed out the window. Liv crawled out from under the bed, trying to keep the rustling of the lingerie bag quiet. Josh rolled out holding the cat, he carefully tucked it into the bag, Liv looking away so she didn’t get sad. They tiptoed down the hall, hearing Marigold talking to the Kronish.

“What are you doing home?” She asked suspiciously.

“The truth is Marigold, I…uh…” Josh stopped right where the hallway wall ended. Liv came up right behind Josh, listening intently. “I…decided to come home early and give myself a birthday treat…” Liv and Josh nodded along, hoping he would tell Marigold the truth. “…and curl up with that mystery novel I’ve been reading.” He lied. Josh shook his head and Liv deflated.

“Why are you so sweaty?” Marigold asked. Josh turned to Liv with a disappointed look.

“That’s just from my heart racing, I’ve been trying to figure out ‘who done it’.” Kronish lied again.

“Okay, well, I have a surprise for you.” Marigold said excitedly. Josh and Liv pressed themselves against the wall again, trying to listen. “You are going to get back there,” Liv and Josh shoved themselves off of the wall, realizing Kronish was about to make his way back to his room. “And you are going to run me the hottest, nicest bath you can think of, mkay?” Josh grabbed Liv and they sprinted back down the hall as quietly as they could back into Kronish’s room. They froze as they got to the doorway, Leslie was climbing back in. Liv grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him into a closet at the end of the hall.

“…’cause my hip hurts, but Mama’s feeling fancy.” Marigold called to Kronish. “Mkay, baby?” Josh could make out Kronish’s figure making its way down the hall through the slots in the door, they could hear him sigh.

“Josh,” Liv whispered from behind Josh. “You're stepping on my foot.”

“Sorry, Liv!”

The doorbell rang. Josh looked back out of the slots and Liv peeked over his shoulder. Marigold excitedly went to answer the door.

“Oh, you’re here!” She said in a hushed tone. “I’m freaking out! My husband came home early.”

“Marigold’s lover…” Josh breathed out. Tiger walked through the door.

“What?!” They both gasped.

“I am Glenn Close.” She said in an uneven voice. She stumbled as she began to walk down the hall. Marigold grabbed her and directed her in a different direction.

“Is she drunk?!” Josh shook his head.

“Your husband is attracted to me. Fatally.” Tiger sure sounded drunk.

“Where the fuck did she go?!” Liv asked quietly. As soon as Marigold followed after Tiger, Josh threw open the closet door, looking both ways before bolting into the room to the right of the closet. Liv stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. She heard Kronish’s footsteps coming out of his room and she dove after Josh into the study. Kronish’s footsteps were headed towards the exact room they were in.

Josh looked at Liv and hurriedly beckoned for her to follow him into the walk in closet. Just as they were about duck behind a dresser, Liv’s foot got caught on the rug on the ground. She tripped, falling right into Josh, shoving his back into the wall, faces almost smashing together. He caught her and they looked at each other with wide eyes, realizing that sound was loud. Thankfully, Kronish was too busy shoving things around on the desk in the main room, rustling through the mess on the desk.

“Where did I put that passport?” He mumbled to himself over and over.

“Are you okay?” Josh mouthed to Liv. She nodded slowly, still scared that at any moment Kronish might come and investigate what he might have heard. Josh and Liv stood behind the tall dresser, pressed together with arms around each other, looking at each other with panicked eyes. They were not good at the whole sneaking around thing.

“…So you might have to roll it up and cram it in there.” The sound of Marigold opening the study door was heard. They heard Kronish make a sound and duck out of the room.

Some sweaters that Kronish must have frantically thrown in his panic to run out landed on Josh’s head. Liv helped Josh pull the sweater off, getting his lipstick all over one of them that was a salmon color. Liv poked her head out to make sure no one was there. She grabbed Josh by the corset and pulled him out from behind the dresser, the two of them making a mad dash for the door that led to the dining room.

“Tiger!” Josh yelled in a hushed voice.

“Tiger!” Liv copied. Josh backed straight into a sculpture, almost knocking it from its stand. He quickly caught it and tried to rebalance it.

“Tiger?” Josh called out quietly again. Josh and Liv rounded the corner, heads swiveling back and forth to make sure they didn’t get caught. The front door swung open, scaring both of them. A pretty woman confidently walked through the door, hips swinging as she walked in.

“A Biotic!” Liv yelled. Josh froze for a moment and panicked. The woman turned and looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

Josh frantically pulled his phone from inside his corset. “This is a detonator!” He threatened, holding it as if it were dangerous.

“Really?” The woman rolled her eyes. “That’s what we’re doing?”

“Uh uh! Don’t move!” Liv pointed to Josh’s phone, backing away slightly as she approached them.

“You take another step, I press this button, this whole house is wired, it blows up, we all die, and your mission’s a failure.” Josh threatened. The woman rolled her eyes again. “You wanna test me, you wanna fucking test me? We’ll all die right here, right now, I’m loco!” Josh said, eyes wide like a mad man. Liv nodded along, eyes never leaving the Biotic woman as she stepped closer.

“Okay, you’re in charge. I guess I’m your hostage now or whatever…wait, I didn’t hear anything about there being two of you?” She looked annoyed.

“Yeah? Well, there are two of us.” Liv said, trying to sound brave and menacing. “And you are our hostage…?”

“I suppose you wanna, tie me up or something?” The woman was distracted, looking around the house like she was bored.

Josh was still holding out his phone like a weapon. “Yeah, uh, that’s actually a good idea.” He looked over at Liv.

“Go, go over to the right, go.” Liv shooed her over to the study. She lazily walked over to the study, Josh and Liv following her, Josh still acting like his phone was a bomb.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” He said. They made her sit in a rolling chair in the study as she dropped her bag on the ground. Liv went through the bag and pulled out fluffy handcuffs, ones with red feathers and ones with pink.

“Oh,” the woman drawled. “Those’ll cost you. It’ll also cost you more because there are two of you.”

“You can drop the prostitute act okay? We know who you really are.” Liv threw Josh the red handcuffs.

“Don’t threaten us, okay? This isn’t our first time.” Josh cuffed her to the chair.

“Okay, yeah, I forgot, you’re in complete control.” The woman said condescendingly.

“You have to stay.” Liv pointed sternly at her.

“Okay. I can’t really go anywhere.” The woman looked Liv up and down judgmentally.

“Whatever, perf.” Liv shot back as her and Josh slipped out of the room and back into the dining room.

“Degrading is also ex-“ they shut the door on her.

“Tiger!” Josh hissed loudly. “There’s a Biotic here!”

“Where the fuck did she go?” Liv whispered. Unbeknownst to them, Tiger had left to go catch up with Wolf. Again.

“Tiger!” Josh kept whispering. “Tiger? We need you-“

“Leslie? Is that you?” Kronish whispered from down the hall. Josh and Liv froze. “I told you to go out the window!” Josh looked at Liv with wide eyes. She looked to the counter and tossed the bag over it, hoisting herself up and dropping down behind it. Josh quickly ran around the counter to find Liv shoving things that had fallen out back into the bag. The dead cat was sprawled out on the floor. He scooped up the cat and the two of them hurried into the kitchen. “Marigold is in the bath,” Kronish was getting closer. “You can come out!”

Josh looked for a spot to hide the cat, putting it in a pot that was set out on the stove and shutting the lid. He looked over his shoulder, Liv was gone. He saw her hand pop out from behind the counter, beckoning for him to come hide with her. Josh turned and was jumpscared by Elias Kronish rounding the corner. They both jumped back in shock.

“Oh, good Lord!” Kronish cried out in shock seeing Josh standing in the kitchen. Josh’s immediate reaction was to cover himself up, afterall, he was still in lingerie. Kronish’s eyes did a sweep of Josh in his fluffy black kitten heels, black fishnet stockings, leopard print panties, lacy black corset, feathery black boa and spiked choker, and messy eyeliner and lipstick. He looked concerned and frightened all at once.

“…Happy birthday…” Josh said in a small voice, hands over her crotch and chest as if he had anything to cover up. His mouth twitched as he tried to muster up a smile.

The look in Kronish’s eyes changed as he assessed the situation. “…Oh my God,” he whispered in a strangled voice. “You’re my birthday surprise?” Josh stared at him blankly, wondering if he should just go with it. “She knows…” Kronish whispered, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth.

“She- she knows?” Josh asked.

“You’re a gigolo aren’t you?” Kronish asked. Josh’s ears pricked up as he heard a light breathy laugh come from behind the counter. He looked down at himself. He really did look like a male prostitute.

“Yes…” Josh moved his hands to his hips and nodded.

“Marigold clearly doesn’t know what kind of men I find attractive.” Kronish looked Josh up and down again. Josh looked slightly offended. “But I can’t believe she was willing to hire a prostitute.” Kronish was shocked beyond belief.

At the same time it hit Josh and Liv that the “Biotic” was just a prostitute. “Oh…the Biotic’s a prostitute…” Josh whispered to himself. He heard the faint sound of Liv slapping her forehead and her head hitting the back of the counter. Josh covered it up by clearing his throat.

“If she’s willing to make this kind of accommodation…maybe this marriage will work after all.” Kronish said to himself.

“What? No! No, no! You have to leave her!” Josh said frantically.

“I don’t remember asking you.” Kronish cocked an eyebrow at Josh.

“Look, truth is I’ve been gigoloing- gigolo- gigoing- fucking dudes for money for a while now.” Josh said. “This is not the first time a wife has hired me to save her marriage, and trust me, it never works. Never.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe that’s on you.” Kronish looked Josh up and down again.

“Nuh uh,” Josh pointed down to his crotch. “You see this? I’m the fucking best, okay?”

Behind the counter, Liv was pulling at her face, trying to resist the urge to jump in. She couldn’t take it.

“Listen to me, you are in love with someone else.” Josh said gently. Kronish’s stance softened. “Someone who you have crazy, passionate, vibrant sex with for very long periods of time.” Kronish slowly nodded, looking at the ground. “But, most importantly, you found someone who you truly love to hold. Someone who sees you for who you really are…” Josh sent a quick glance over his shoulder to where Liv was hiding.

Behind the counter, Liv was listening intently, with her knees pulled in close to her chest, looking up as if she could see Josh. She could hear the tenderness in his voice. Her face broke into a sweet smile.

“This marriage that you’re in, it’s an anchor. It’s holding you down. You need to set sail.” Josh moved his hands in a wide motion, gesturing towards the horizon. Kronish looked confused about how Josh could possibly know that. “Metaphorically speaking.” He added at the end.

“Damn, you are one perceptive hooker.” Kronish said quietly.

“The best.” Josh reminded him.

“But you know what? You’re right.”

“I’m right?”

“Yes, I should set sail.”

“Absolutely!”

“I can do this!”

“You can!”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!”

“What do I owe you?” Kronish reached for his wallet.

“Uh, fifty bucks?” Josh shrugged.

“Take sixty.” Kronish gave him that signature warm smile as he handed Josh the money. “You earned it.” He kept his hand out for Josh to shake.

“Thank you very much!” Josh returned the smile.

“Set sail.” Kronish muttered as he walked away.

“Set sail!” Josh repeated enthusiastically.

Liv popped up from behind the counter with a proud smile on her face. “Good job gigolo!”

“Not funny, Liv. We have to let that prostitute go.” He said in a hushed voice. They heard a knock on the door and froze.

“Hurry, just get to the study.” Liv hissed. Liv and Josh tiptoed into the dining room again, looking around as they heard Kronish talking to whoever was at the door. They darted across the dining room and burst into the study.

“We have to get you out of here!” Josh said to the woman frantically.

The woman was watching something on TV and laughing. She stopped when she saw them. “Oh, you’re back. Are you the good guys now?”

“We’re trying to be.” Josh said as Liv fished the handcuff keys from her pocket. “If the wrong person sees you right now it’s gonna undo a whole lot of progress I just made.” The cuffs fell to the ground as they uncuffed her.

“Uh, ‘kay, so, I’m not going anywhere until I get paid.” She said snobbily.

“I got sixty bucks?” Josh held out the money Kronish had given him.

“Sixty bucks? This isn’t a rest stop glory hole. Sixty bucks doesn’t cover the roleplay, cuffing, degrading, and this weird ass threesome.” She rolled her eyes. Josh and Liv eyed each other. “I’m calling Big Lou.”

“No, no, no! Please don’t call Big Lou!” Liv shook her head.

“The last thing we need is to add more people to this right now!” Josh waved his hands. “We’ll get you more money!”

“I’ll take a TaB too.” She said as Josh and Liv went to the door.

“The fuck’s a TaB?” Josh whispered to Liv as he shut the door.

“How do we get her more money?” Liv whispered.

Josh thought for a moment. “Find Marigold’s wallet.”

“Josh!”

“She’s a bitch! I don’t mind stealing from her!”

“…fine.” Liv pursed her lips. They tiptoed back into the dining room, hearing Kronish laugh awkwardly at someone in the living room.

“That’s great, well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to my wife.” Kronish said.

“Alright, but you’ll call me, right Elias?” The visitor asked.

“Yes, I’ll have Marigold call you, alright, bye bye now.”

Josh and Liv heard the front door close. Liv turned to Josh and nodded, ready to sneak into the living room to go snoop through Marigold’s purse. The door opened and closed again, and they heard someone muttering to themself. Josh and Liv stayed still, eyes wide, as a burly, scary looking man came walking past them, back turned to them.

“Fuck! Big Lou!” Josh crouched behind a stool as Liv stayed behind the wall. He went searching in the study. Liv and Josh bolted into the living room and found Marigold’s purse sitting on the coffee table. Liv picked it up and rifled through it.

“Got it!” She pulled out the wallet. A loud commotion came from the kitchen. Liv dropped the purse and they went running into the kitchen to see Big Lou had shoved Leslie to the ground, smashing into the sculpture Josh had almost broken earlier. The pieces of the sculpture lay scattered around him.

“Big Lou! Big Lou!” Josh called out. “It’s okay! We have your money.” He held out Marigold’s wallet.

“Hey! That’s my money!” The prostitute peered around Big Lou.

“What the fuck is going on here?!” Marigold came storming into the dining room in a robe, clearly fresh out of the bath. Kronish rushed in after her.

“This asshole sucker punched me!” Big Lou pointed to Leslie.

“This filthy pimp abuses this woman!” Leslie pointed at Big Lou and then to the prostitute.

“He’s not my pimp?” The prostitute looked at Leslie as if he were stupid.

“I’m a history teacher!” “Big Lou” looked offended. He looked over at her. “You’re a prostitute?”

“No! He’s the prostitute!” Kronish pointed to Josh.

“Neither one is the prostitute!” Marigold shook her head.

“Well, I’m a prostitute.” The prostitute said.

“And you’re so much more than that!” Leslie said to her.

“Shut the fuck up, priest.” She rolled her eyes at Leslie.

“You’re a priest?” Liv gasped.

“Reverend.” Leslie looked confused down at Liv and Josh, who’s jaws were on the ground.

“I don’t care who any of you freaks are, I just want Bunny back!” “Big Lou” wailed, leaving to scour the house.

“Hold on just a second!” Marigold pointed to Josh and looked at Kronish. “You thought he was the prostitute?”

Kronish paused. “…yes…”

“I mean, look at him.” Liv chimed in. Josh shot her a dirty look.

“And who the fuck are you?!” Kronish asked.

Liv opened her mouth to answer, but closed it, not knowing what to say. Josh looked at her with wide eyes. “I…” she looked between everyone, all eyes were on her. “I photograph him…” she pointed to Josh. “I photograph him…gigoloing.” She choked out.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Josh hissed through his teeth.

“You make gay porn?” Leslie looked disgusted at her. Liv shot him a judgemental look. Who was he to judge her?

“…yeah?” Leslie gave her a worried look.

“No, no!” Marigold turned the conversation back to Josh. “Why would I get you a male prostitute?” Kronish glanced at Josh and went back to Marigold.

“Yes Elias,” Leslie crossed his arms. “Why would she get you a male prostitute?” Everyone stared at Kronish expectantly.

“Uh, I thought…you wanted me to watch you have sex with him,” he gestured towards Josh. Josh let go of the bated breath he’d been holding. Leslie looked crushed. Liv took in a sharp breath and slowly shook her head. Marigold gave the three of them weird looks. She looked back at Kronish like he was insane. “I’ve shared with you my cuckolding fantasy haven’t I?” Kronish added.

“No.” Marigold said sharply. She scoffed. “Hm, I thought you were trying to tell me you were gay.”

Kronish let out an abnormally loud, forced laugh. “Oh, no, no. Just your old run-of-the-mill…” he trailed off seeing Leslie’s hurt look. “Cuck…”

Leslie nodded solemnly. “Obviously you two have a lot to talk about. I gotta go.” His eyes bore into Kronish. “My boat still leaves at midnight.” He saw himself out of the house.

“What boat?” Marigold asked rudely.

“I have no idea.” Kronish sighed.

“No! Don’t let him leave!” Josh interrupted. Kronish looked at Josh. “Come on! Be true to yourself!” He looked at Kronish, then Marigold, then to Liv. Liv furrowed her eyebrows. “He’s in love with someone else.” He blurted out.

“Seriously, who are these people?” Marigold shot Liv and Josh dirty looks.

“I have no idea. I have never met them before in my life.” Kronish clenched his jaw uncomfortably. Josh got a look on his face that Liv knew all too well. He was meddling again.

“Oh. Don’t you act like you don’t know exactly who I am, Elias.” Josh said, feigning dramatic heartbreak. He inched closer to Kronish, who backed away uncomfortably. “I will not let you treat me like some slut you can just bang a couple times and then throw in the garbage.”

“I don’t know what this man is talking about!” Kronish cried.

Josh looked back at Liv. She nodded for him to keep going. The prostitute stood slightly behind them, eating all of this drama up. “You thought that you could just come into my life and turn everything upside down and only think about yourself?” He was in Kronish’s face by this point. “You think that we can spend an entire weekend making love,” he looked back at Marigold when he said this, making sure she heard him correctly. She was shocked and horrified. Liv stood next to her, grinning from ear to ear with two thumbs up. “And then you think you can just ignore me?!” He turned back to Kronish. “You’ve got another thing coming, ‘cause you know what?” He turned to Liv, holding out his hand for the bag. Liv handed him the bag and he rummaged through it, pulling out the envelope with the pictures Liv took. He grabbed them and fanned them out so everyone could see. “I will not be ignored, Elias! Proof!” He showed the group. “Look what he made her take pictures of!” He gestured to Liv. “He roped her into this too!”

“What the fuck are these supposed to prove?” Marigold shouted.

“I’m calling the police!” Kronish threatened.

“Give me a 90 second head start?” The prostitute piped up. Josh turned to Liv with panicked eyes.

“Oh no, Bunny!” Someone cried. “Lord, no!” Everyone hurried to the kitchen, where the cat was found in the pot. “Big Lou” had been Kronish’s neighbor. “My Bunny’s dead!” He cried.

“The cat’s name is Bunny?” Liv asked.

Josh gave a small laugh. “If I’d have known that I would have hid it someplace else.” He elbowed Liv lightly, trying to crack a joke. Liv slapped Josh’s chest with the back of her hand as Kronish’s neighbor angrily turned to them. All eyes were on Josh and Liv. “Um…” he grabbed Liv’s hand. “We’ll…we’ll see ourselves out…” they turned and ran for the front door. Kronish followed them to the door.

“And you better stay away!” He screamed after them as they dashed down the driveway.

“Fuck free will! We should have done the gun thing!” Josh cried out as they ran down the street together.

Tiger had finally pinpointed where Wolf was. She’d tracked him all day, through the beach and park where she met an oracle on a bench who told her to let him be free from his ownership chain, and to Kronish’s house where a cunning wife oracle told her to tighten the ownership chain. Tiger knew exactly where Wolf would have ended up. Corey Hart’s concert. She approached the large crowd in front of the venue.

“Well,” she said as she spotted him right at the ticket booth. “If it isn’t the king of the public beach?”

“What took you so long?” Wolf asked, side-eyeing her. “Your tracking skills are slipping.”

“I consulted two oracles today.” Tiger said. “One said give you your freedom and you’ll come back to me. He was dumb and ate his own dog. The other said to rein you in with the illusion of freedom. She was impressive…but crazy.” Wolf looked at her, unphased. “And then I realized, your freedom isn’t mine to give or take. Neither one of us is gonna be free until we finish what we started.”

“You’re wrong.” Wolf said in a low, tired voice. “I’m free now.” Tiger furrowed her brows. Wolf looked her dead on. “Because I quit.”

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, Josh and Wolf’s famous dick switch

Chapter 7: Girth, Wind & Fire

Time traveling was painful this time around. “What’s happening?!” Josh cried, but it sounded distorted and echoey.

“Feels like my dick’s getting ripped off!” Wolf cried, but it came out as distorted as Josh’s voice. They landed in 2017, groaning and panting in pain. Josh fell over, trying to catch his breath.

“What was that?!” He panted. “Time traveling doesn’t feel like that?!”

Tiger was about to answer when she noticed Wolf’s face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Wolf asked.

“Where’s your scar?” She asked, pointing to his eye, where his scar usually was.

Wolf felt around his face. “Oh!” Liv pointed to Tiger’s forearm. “It’s on your arm!”

“Oh God…” she felt her face for her scar. “Where’s my scar?” Josh, Liv, and Wolf all felt around their bodies.

“Oh!” Liv gasped. “I think it’s…” she sat on the grass and lifted up the sweatpant leg. It was on her shin. “I found it.” She said, looking up at Tiger and Wolf.

“It’s the Cameronium, it- it must be unstable in its raw form.” Tiger said, checking her arms for new blemishes or marks. “Our bodies got scrambled in the jump.”

“Oh! Is that all?” Josh said in a high, worried voice.

“Damn, we’ve had a rough ten minutes. First Josh died, then Liv had to revive him, Sigorn-E’s gone,” he looked up at the sky as if he were looking up to her in robotic house heaven. “And now this.” He held out two hands to help Liv and Josh up. “Let’s just say you two are initiated.”

Josh looked over to Liv then back up to Wolf. “Really?” He took Wolf’s hand as Liv took his other hand. Wolf pulled both of them up as if they weighed nothing. “Well, we’d better hop to it.” Josh said as the four of them started to make their way down the hill they’d driven to the night before. Something didn’t feel right as Josh walked. Something was not right at all. “Wait, wait, wait, stop.” He said, feeling around his crotch.

“You good?” Liv asked, turning around. Her concerned look quickly turned into an absolutely terrified one as she watched Josh reach into his pants. “Josh, what the fuck-“

“Holy shit!” Josh gasped. That was not his dick. “This dick is huge!” Wolf dropped everything and checked inside his pants and cried out.

“What?! What is this thing?!” He yelled. “That is a pathetic cock!” Josh looked up to see Tiger (as usual) rolling her eyes, Wolf looking horrified at his new dick, and Liv looking horrified as well, but also avoiding eye contact with anyone. Josh glanced back down in his pants and curiously reached in again.

Liv glanced up to see exactly that. “Oh God, Josh, no,” Liv covered her eyes and turned around, not facing anyone.

“Oh my God! The girth!” Josh was floored. Wolf narrowed his eyes at Josh and took his hand out of his pants.

“Give me back my dick, you fucking cock pirate!” Wolf shouted as he ran at Josh, aiming for his dick.

Josh was trying to adjust his pants. “Hey! Wolf!” Josh cried, running away from Wolf. He backed straight into Liv.

“Josh!” She cried as he almost knocked her over, shoving him.

“Fire up the TTD, we’ve gotta jump again!” Wolf said to Tiger.

“No!” Tiger shouted. “We are not jumping again!”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve still got your vag!” Wolf said.

Tiger paused, reaching into her pants. “Yeah…yeah, that’s mine.” She mumbled. Liv looked even more concerned. “No, it’s too dangerous. I mean, what could be next, our hearts? Our brains?” Tiger asked.

“I don’t care!” Wolf whined. “I want my dick back.” Tiger glared at him and he stomped away.

“How do you walk with this thing?” Josh asked himself as he tried to walk away. The four of them walked back to the van, Liv flicking Josh in the back of the head as she passed him. “Ow!”

“That’s for everything I just heard.” She said, walking up ahead of him.

They opened up the back door of the van and were greeted by the most putrid smell. The Biotic corpses were still rotting in the back.

“So, that’s what corpses smell like.” Josh gagged.

“Anyone else not in the mood to chop up bodies?” Tiger asked, sounding tired. Josh and Liv both raised their hands.

They made their way down the road on foot. “I’m actually gonna miss that van.” Liv said sentimentally.

“You were against that van.” Wolf reminded her. Liv shrugged.

“We’ve come a long way, we’re almost there, just one more mission.” Tiger said. “Get us that date and we’ll take care of the rest.”

“I just can’t believe it all comes down to this.” Josh sighed.

“Hey, remember, you’re not killing a baby. Wolf and I are killing a baby.” Tiger shrugged.

“A first for me.” Wolf chimed in.

“Yeah, that doesn’t really help, I mean, people throw terms around like ‘for the greater good’, but just feel sick to my stomach.” Josh said, glancing at Liv as she looked at him and nodded in agreement.

“That probably means your humanity’s intact.” Tiger said. “Congratulations, you two.”

Behind them, the van exploded. Wolf and Tiger had planted mines on the inside to destroy the evidence. They didn’t even look back, they just kept on walking.

“I bet that looked really cool.” Josh said. Liv elbowed him.

“Josh, that just ruined the moment.”

Liv and Josh showed up to work and it was quiet. Too quiet. No one was there.

“Do you think this is because of the Kronish Ball?” Liv whispered as if she were trying to keep others from hearing.

“Liv, no one’s here, why are you whispering?” Josh asked at a regular volume. “And yeah, probably.”

“I dunno, it’s just a habit.” Liv whispered again. Josh chuckled as they both stepped into the elevator.

“I’ll go talk to Kronish,” Josh said.

“Okay, I’ll hang out outside, maybe eavesdrop a little bit.” She teased, bumping her shoulder into his.

The elevator opened and they made their way down the hall together, passing Jeri’s desk. It was untouched from how she’d left it the week before. Both of their hearts sank.

“I’m actually really sad that Jeri’s not here. Pre-Biotic Jeri, not shoe neck Biotic Jeri.” Liv said sadly.

Josh nodded, but hadn’t paid attention to what she’d said, distracted by trying to peer into Kronish’s office. “Uh, by the way, Liv, after this I have to tell you something.”

“Ooh, well I’m on the edge of my seat.” Liv tried to give him an encouraging smile.

“Okay,” he looked back, giving her a small smile. “I’ll be right back.” He opened the door to Kronish’s office to see him sitting in a chair and sipping a drink.

“Futturman, what are you doing here?” Kronish asked kindly as the door shut.

Liv turned back to Jeri’s desk. She walked behind it and sat in her chair, looking at all the things that had been left behind. Liv had really considered Jeri her friend and still had a gnawing guilt inside her for feeling jealous of the way Josh had liked her. She couldn’t blame Josh, Jeri was so beautiful and sweet too…before they found out she was a Biotic. Liv slouched in the chair and looked up. It was hard for her to believe everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

After a moment, Liv stood back up and tried to peek inside of Kronish’s office. She could see Josh standing and discreetly jotting down something in a small notepad. She leaned against the wall and frowned again. Kronish didn’t deserve what was coming to him. He was so sweet and wanted to do nothing but good for the world. She paced around outside the door, peeking in every now and then. She peeked in one last time to see Josh making his way towards the door and lightly chuckling at something Kronish had said. As Josh opened the door, Kronish saw her and gave her a small wave.

“Hello, Miss Branson. Good to see you’ve recovered from the Kronish ball incident.”

Liv nodded along. “You too, Dr. Kronish!” She waved back. Josh gave Kronish one last wave.

“Bye…” he slowly closed the door and turned to Liv. “We’ve got the week off.” He whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Liv poked his shoulder. Josh gave a small grin and rolled his eyes.

“I got the date.” He said, sounding glum.

“Oh…good…I guess.” Liv sighed as she followed Josh to the elevator.

“I feel so bad for him, he was telling me how Stu is suing him and his house in the path of a fire in Loma Linda.” Liv let out a small gasp and covered her mouth.

“We were just in Loma Linda…did we…?”

“I…don’t know…He was also telling me more about his life. He used to be in love with this woman named Leslie and she bought him a boat for his birthday. He wanted to sail away with her that same day but, but he stayed for Marigold even though he didn’t love her.” Josh told her.

Liv looked at Josh with a sad expression. “Kronish…” she shook her head sadly. “Marigold doesn’t deserve him. She’s kind of a bitch.”

“I know, that’s why it’s so sad.” Josh sighed. They stepped out of the elevator once it took them to the main floor. “We took a picture though.” Josh pulled out his phone and showed her.

“And you didn’t ask me to be in it? I could have at least taken it for you, this one’s blurry.” Liv swiped through the pictures.

“Sorry!” Josh let out a laugh. At least Liv was keeping the mood light hearted.

“I’m a great photographer, you know.” She teased, giving his phone back.

“I know you are, Liv.” Josh gave her another small grin. A lesser known fact about Liv was her love of photography. Josh knew her dream job was to be a photographer, not a janitor.

“So, what did you have to tell me?” She asked, opening the door for both of them.

“Oh,” nervous energy coursed through his veins. “Um, yeah, I kinda wanted to tell you this in the JCC but, you know, your good pal Wolf stole you away,” Josh began.

“Oh what, you're jealous of Wolf?” Liv teased as they made their way to her car. Josh didn’t answer immediately. “Josh?” She looked at him, he was biting the inside of his cheek and avoiding eye contact. “Oh God- are you jealous of Wolf?” She asked, stopping in her tracks. “Oh shit, I- I’m sorry, we just keep getting paired up together, that doesn’t make-“

“No, no!” Josh lied and shook his head. “It’s okay!”

“Josh-“ Liv said sternly.

“I was going to say, in the JCC I wanted to tell you something. When I had Jeri alone and I was interrogating her she told me you liked me.” Josh said, letting out a light hearted chuckle and shaking his head. Liv could hear her heart start pounding in her ears. No. No no no no no no no no- “But, that’s crazy, right? She told me that you told her that you liked me but,” Josh shook his head and laughed again, as if the very thought were impossible. “That- that’s crazy, right? I was like, ‘oh right, Liv likes me’, whatever…” Josh trailed off as he saw the horror on Liv’s face. She looked like she’d been caught red handed. Oh. “Wait, what?” He asked, quietly.

“No.” Liv shook her head violently. Josh stared at her, clearly not believing her.

“Liv…”

“I-” Liv heaved a heavy sigh. “Josh, I- you- I didn’t want you to know.” Liv started walking again and fast. Josh’s heartbeat quickened. So it was true.

“Wait! Liv!” Josh quickly jogged to catch up to her. “So, you like me?!”

“Josh, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Like like as in like currently right now in this moment or like liked in the past tense with a d on the end?”

“Josh.”

“I’m just curious! I thought she was lying but…you know, I had no idea.”

“Josh.” Liv’s voice grew more stern.

“Is that why that one time you gave only me a Valentine at work and no one else got one from you?”

“Josh!” Liv yelled and stopped walking. Josh stopped too. “I don’t want to talk about this! Please! We’ve got other things to focus on!”

“…so how long have you-“

“Shut! Up! Josh!” Liv snapped and stormed to her car.

Josh silently followed after her. She unlocked her car and got inside, letting her forehead drop against the steering wheel. Josh quietly got in the front seat and looked over at her, with her head leaned against the steering wheel.

“…Liv…I’m not mad if that’s what you’re worried about.” Josh said quietly. Liv didn’t move. “I’m really flattered.”

“Shut up.” Liv mumbled.

“No, really, I think it’s really sweet.” Josh continued. Liv lifted her head and stared straight ahead.

“Josh. I don’t want your pity.” She said, sounding like she was refraining from crying or screaming. Or both.

“I’m not-“

Liv whipped her head to the side with a look that shut him right up. Josh shut his mouth and dropped his eyes down to his knees. They drove back to Josh’s house in complete silence. As they pulled up to the house he finally spoke again.

“So, we’re not gonna talk about this?” Josh asked, almost in a shy voice.

Liv turned off the car and quickly got out. “Nope.”

Josh sighed and deflated. “Liv, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up, I-“ she slammed the car door.

“Josh!” Tiger was standing in the front door, looking frantic. “Come here.”

Josh fumbled with his seatbelt and got out of the car and hurried inside with Liv. His house had been absolutely ransacked. Chairs and tables had been thrown on their sides. Wolf was sitting with Gabe trying to comfort him.

“Dad?!” Josh’s eyes widened, going to sit with his dad. “What…what happened?”

“They took your mother.” Gabe said mournfully.

“What?! Who?!”

“The cops. They said something about a murder in 1969 and they took her. They took my Cupcake!” Gabe cried. Josh raised his eyes to glare at Wolf. “They said they had her DNA, some DNA test she took,”

Liv slowly turned her head to Tiger. Tiger had been very interested in the DNA tests from the Senecas at the party. She must have actually taken the test that was supposed to be for Diane. Tiger saw Liv looking at her and quickly looked away, looking guilty. Liv started to piece the pieces together. That must have been where Tiger had disappeared off to before they traveled to 2023, she was mailing the test.

Josh looked between Liv, Wolf, and Tiger before speaking to his dad. “Alright, Dad, I’m gonna ask you a very important question, alright?” Gabe nodded earnestly. “How good looking were the cops?”

“What?” Gabe looked confused.

“Yeah, what?” Liv asked.

“Like, were they hot or not? On a scale from 1 to 10, were they a 9 or higher?” Josh asked.

Gabe didn’t know how to answer that. “I don’t know, it’s kinda tough for me to gauge.”

“Okay, uh, who’s the hottest person you think of?” Josh asked.

Gabe welled up with tears again. “Your mother.”

Josh took a deep, impatient breath. “Dad, mom isn’t here right now, so you can be honest with me.”

“You mother is a 10.” Gabe said, starting to cry again.

“She’s a 6 at best!” Josh blurted out.

Gabe almost attacked Josh. “You take that back!”

“Dad! Dad! Just- just listen to me! Were the cops hot or not?”

Gabe sighed and thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know, maybe one of them had a certain way about them?”

Josh stood up and turned to Liv and Tiger. Wolf stood up too and followed him. “Guys, it had to be Biotics. Jeri said a strike team was coming. They must have taken my mom as bait.”

Tiger shook her head. “It’s not Biotics.”

Wolf folded his arms. “It could be. For all we know she’s dead.” Gabe let out a sob. Wolf looked back at him. “It’s okay, Gabe! You just have to replace her. Perhaps with Wanda!”

“I don’t want to replace her.” Gabe cried, getting up and leaving the room.

“She gives great blow jobs.” Wolf said.

“Wolf. Stop.” Liv sighed.

“Guys, my mom is gone and I’m responsible for that. Okay?” Panic started to seep into Josh’s voice. “I-I- If we can’t get her back, if something happens to her, that’s all my fault! I can’t live with myself!”

“We have to rescue Diane.” Tiger stated.

“What?” Wolf looked shocked.

“Look around, they welcomed us into their family and we are just tearing it apart.” Tiger said to Wolf.

“I thought you said to forget these people.” Wolf narrowed his eyes at her. Liv and Josh both knitted their brows together, looking offended. “If Biotics have Diane, the last thing we wanna do is walk into that trap. Give me the date.” Wolf said in a gravelly voice to Josh and Liv. Liv quickly pointed to Josh as Wolf advanced.

Josh’s eyes widened. “No, no!” He grabbed the paper with his notes about Kronish from his pocket and shoved it in his mouth and chewed it.

Wolf just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “I’ll just cut it out of your stomach.” He grabbed Josh by the collar.

“Wolf. Stop.” Tiger spoke up before Liv could.

Josh gagged on the paper and spit it out into his hand.

Liv groaned and grimaced. “Fuck! I couldn’t swallow it.” He held the nasty spit wad in his hand.

“Gross.” Liv muttered and looked away.

“We’re going to rescue Diane. Whether it’s police or Biotics we are not leaving her behind. And that is the true meaning of Festivus.” She said, narrowing her eyes at Wolf before walking heroically towards the front door. Wolf rolled his eyes and trudged after her. Josh and Liv stood behind them, confused.

“What?”

They drove with Gabe to the police station. Liv was once again sandwiched between Josh and Tiger, but this time, she’d made it a point to get more snuggly with Tiger this time (in response Tiger had squished herself against the door, feeling terribly uncomfortable because Liv’s shoulder was pressing into hers). Josh knew she was sitting like that on purpose. He felt terrible and stupid for bringing it up. Now Liv hated him.

Liv didn’t hate him. She just wanted to cry. Sigorn-E never gave her advice on what to do if she were ratted out by a bitchy Biotic with a shoe stuck in her neck. Sure Josh had told he was flattered and had found it sweet, but that’s what hurt. It sounded pitiful. And now she knew he would never treat her the same. That was exactly why she had tried to swallow her feelings for him for so long.

Josh kept glancing at Liv, trying to catch her eye. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell her they never had to talk about it again. He just wanted her to give him a hug and tell him it would all be okay. Josh really liked hugs from Liv.

“Why are you sitting so close?” Tiger finally said through gritted teeth and pushed Liv into Josh. “There’s a thing called personal space. You’re invading mine.”

“Sorry.” Liv muttered.

They pulled up to the station. Josh was the first one out of the car and this time, it was Tiger, Wolf, and Liv scrambling after him.

“Okay guys, let’s go save my mom.” He marched toward the entrance.

“Dead or alive.” Wolf added.

“No, Corey, alive!” Gabe said, catching up. “Shouldn’t I just call a lawyer?”

“Dad, things in there might get a little bit crazy. How about you stay out here and keep the car running?” Josh said over his shoulder to his dad.

“What?” Gabe kept following them.

Josh stopped and turned to Tiger, Wolf, and Liv. “Okay guys. This is it. Get ready for the fight of our lives.”

“Joshy!” Diane came out of the police station. “Oh! You all came!”

“Oh my God, Cupcake, I thought I’d lost you!” Gabe pushed through the three people standing in his way and wrapped Diane in the biggest hug. “I’m never letting go again.” Relief washed over Josh’s face.

“What have you four gotten mixed up in?” Diane asked earnestly. “They’ve got sketches of you guys in there.” She pointed back into the station.

“Even of Liv?!” Josh asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Diane looked concerned. “And Tiger, they’ve got you DNA test results and a whole list of your relatives.” Tiger lifted her head, failing any attempt of hiding her surprise.

“Diane, this- this is my fault and I’m sorry. But you don’t have to worry, because after today you’re not going to see us ever again.” She pointed between her and Wolf. “And neither will your son or Liv.”

Diane and Gabe looked sad. “Oh…that’s a bit extreme. I mean, I was just telling you all of this because I care about you.” Diane said.

Tiger nodded. “I know you do.” She said kindly. “I do too.” She admitted.

“Come on guys, let’s get out of here and go home.” Diane gestured for them to come with. “You too Liv, come on, we’ll take you home if you need.”

“Give us a sec…” Josh said as his parents walked past them. They walked to the car and out of earshot.

“Diane’s secure, now how ‘bout that date?” Wolf held out his hand.

Josh slowly nodded and took the chewed up, dried up piece of paper from his pocket. He unfolded it, and surprisingly it was still legible. “Guess this is goodbye.” Josh muttered sadly.

“Yeah, it makes me really sad.” Liv said in the same tone of voice.

“Who would’ve thought that three years ago, shortly after Liv and I became friends, when I walked into that video game store and I saw ‘Biotic Wars’ on the shelf and I took it home and started playing-“ Josh started getting sentimental.

“What- what is this?” Wolf asked, looking confused and uncomfortable.

Josh shrugged. “I was, I dunno, building up for a heartfelt farewell.”

Tiger butted in. “You know what, Future Man, where we come from it’s either of you show up you’re alive and if you don’t you’re dead. Hellos and goodbyes kind of went the way of hygiene.”

“Guess that makes sense.” Josh muttered to Liv.

“So you guys are really leaving, huh?” Liv asked, voice growing sad.

Wolf’s stance softened and he leaned down to Liv’s level. “Oh Liv, don’t be sad,” Wolf said quietly. Josh looked offended. “I’m so glad that we met and I care about you so much. Oh, come here.” he said, pulling her into a hug.

“Are you serious?” Josh complained. Wolf shot him a glare.

“Hey,” Tiger reached out and grabbed his shoulder. “For you, we’ll make it quick, execution style. Little baby Kronish won’t even see it coming.” Tiger reassured him.

Josh nodded. Liv pulled away from Wolf and he pulled back in for another hug, holding her tightly. “You better tell him.” Wolf whispered to her.

“He already knows.” She grumbled, pulling away from the hug. Wolf not so discreetly looked at Josh with wide eyes and his jaw dropped on the floor. Josh gave him a confused look. Liv saw Wolf’s face and gave an exasperated sigh. “Wolf!”

“You two should get going.” Tiger said, shooing them away. Josh looked between the two of them, waiting for his hug goodbye.

“Really? Nothing?” He sighed. “Okay, bye.”

As he walked away Liv trailed after him. “Sorry Josh,” she mumbled. He didn’t answer, the jealous pit in his stomach was back. They both got into the car with Josh’s parents.

“So!” Gabe said cheerfully as they got in the car. “Who wants Blizzards?”

“This isn’t a Blizzard moment, honey.” Diane said kindly and patiently to Gabe.

A knock on the window scared everyone in the car. It was just Wolf. He leaned down as Gabe rolled down the window. “Hey Gabe,” he said in a soft but gravelly voice. “Meeting you has been good, which makes it hard to say goodbye. I care about you.” Wolf got choked up.

“Really?!” Josh cried from the backseat. Wolf shot him another glare.

“Cock pirate.” He spat. Gabe turned to Diane with a touched look.

“What a nice young man.” He said.

Josh’s jaw clenched as he slouched in his seat. He looked over at Liv, who had already been looking at him, but she quickly looked away. Josh watched Tiger out the window and raised an eyebrow. She seemed to be contemplating something. He watched as she shook her head to herself and charged inside. He was about to turn and shake Liv and tell her when Diane turned around in her seat and looked at both of them.

“So, you wanna tell us what’s going on?” She asked, still looking slightly worried. Liv glanced back at Josh, wondering what to say.

“…Yeah.” Josh sat up in his seat. “But first, mom, I need to apologize to you. I was so unfair with you the other night, and- and you did not deserve that.”

Diane smiled. “Oh honey, you never rebelled as a kid. It’s about time you told your parents to fuck off.” Liv and Josh lightly chuckled.

“I punched my dad when he tried to get me to enlist. I had no quarrel with the Viet Cong, no quarrel!” Gabe said.

“But I am concerned about the meth lab.” Diane said to both Liv and Josh gently. Josh drew in a long breath and nodded while Liv uncomfortably shifted in her seat.

“Meth lab?” Gabe turned around. “Uh oh, someone’s out of the loop.” Liv and Josh looked at each other, trying to telepathically decide who would speak first. Liv widened her eyes at him in a way that said, “you do it!” Josh turned to look at his parents, who both looked curious and worried. They definitely weren’t in trouble, they just wanted to understand the situation.

“Well…” Josh started.

Tiger did have a family. They were all on the paper. Rita Cooper from San Bernardino, Henry Jorgensen from Los Angeles, they were all there. She sighed, but she wasn’t sure if it was out of relief or out of mourning. She didn’t know these people and she never would. She wished she could though. Tiger had always wanted a family.

Wolf walked into the room, glancing around. It was an interrogation room, the one Diane had been in. He looked at himself in the giant mirror on the wall and noticed Tiger looking at him in the mirror, hands trying to cover the papers she was looking at. He looked over at the papers and realized what they were. Anger seared through him.

“Look who’s pleasure scavenging now.” He growled. Earlier that day, Tiger scolded him for wanting to bring anything he’d come into possession of that was from 2017 back to their time. Tiger didn’t look at him, she just stared straight ahead, her lips pressed tightly together in a straight line. She knew she was a hypocrite. She took the police sketches of the four meth lab suspects (them) and covered her DNA test results. She turned and pretended to be more interested in the bulletin board that had red string manically strung all around it, connecting any illegal events that the four of them had caused. Wolf aggressively picked up the papers and looked through them.

“Why would you take a DNA test?” He growled again.

“It was a moment of weakness.” Tiger responded quickly and flatly.

“You lecture me about bringing my chili powder, tell me these aren’t our people and that I shouldn’t get too attached? Who are you looking for? What are you looking for?”

“No more questions. That’s an order.”

Wolf stared at her, trying to shove down the pain he felt but couldn’t hide it in his eyes. “You’re a fucking hypocrite.”

Tiger turned to him, arms folded. “I’m not the one…” she started out quietly, reaching out to the bulletin board and pointing at a newspaper article that read “Humble Rookie Cop Slain, Would Have Made Sergeant”. “…who threw the mine that killed the cop, I didn’t break the gas station attendant’s fingers,” she traced her finger to a patch from a biker jacket. “Bringing the biker gang to the frat house, which led to a riot!” She was growing louder. She pointed to a small bag of meth that was pinned on the board. “I didn’t do all the meth, and then shoot up drug dealers in the lab.” She pointed to a picture of the meth lab they’d gone to.

“You shot up some of them!” Wolf yelled defensively.

“Okay. We both shot up the drug dealers.” Tiger stepped closer to him, standing her ground.

Little did they know, the large mirror in the room was a one way glass mirror. On the other was a cop filming everything. He blinked a couple times.

“Holy shit.” He gasped before quickly closing the camera and grabbing the tripod. He had to tell Detective Skarsgaard.

Outside in the hallway, Skarsgaard looked through the sketches, shaking his head.

“It’s time to put these demons to bed.” He mumbled, stacking the papers and readying himself to put them in the shredder. Just as he began to shred them, he received a fax. It read “suspects in the Loma Linda fire”. He ripped the sketches from the shredder and compared the papers in shock. The picture shown was exactly who he was looking for. “Impossible.” He muttered in shock. There they were, Josh “Pastman” Futturman, Liv “Pastman” Branson, the man who killed his partner, Santiago, and the woman with purple hair. “Just when I thought I was out, the fax machine pulls me back in.” He grinned to himself. He’d found them.

“We just thought we were doing the right thing, you know? But…I don’t even know what that is anymore.” Josh wrapped up the story. He’d told them everything. Liv had silently nodded along through the whole story. Gabe and Diane had quietly listened and didn’t say anything. Diane finally spoke.

“Joshy, you wanna know what’s so special about you? You never give up on anything. You’re a fighter. And Liv, you are just the most caring girl I have ever met. You’re like a daughter to me. You both have such good hearts.” Diane said, smiling adoringly at both of them.

“Josh, you’re the most loving boy a parent could ever wish for, and Liv, I also think of you as my daughter.” Gabe said, nodding in agreement with his wife.

“Whatever else you’re going through right now, just lead with it, okay?” Diane said. “Follow your hearts.” As cheesy as it was, she was right.

Josh looked to Liv and then back to his mom and nodded. “You’re right. It’s time for us to be strong. Come on, Liv.” He got out of the car. Liv sat confused for a moment and looked at Gabe and Diane.

“Um, I think we’ll be…right…back?” She scooted out of the car after Josh. Gabe and Diane looked just as, if not, more confused than Liv. Josh started to walk off, but paused, and leaned down to look at his parents through their rolled down windows.

“Uh, if I’m gonna be home after 11 I’ll text.” He called to them, giving them a thumbs up. Gabe and Diane looked at each other and then back to Josh and Liv.

“Okay honey, tell Tiger and Corey that we miss them already!” Diane called after him.

Liv followed after Josh. “What are we doing?”

“I have a plan.” Josh said.

“What?”

“They don’t have to kill Kronish. I know what we can do.”

“Are we going with them?” Before Josh could answer, there was a loud gunshot that came from inside the station and immediately people started running out of the building.

“Tiger and Wolf…” Josh looked inside the building. “They’re…oh my god there were Biotics in there!” He took off running inside the building.

“Wait! Josh!” Liv took off after him and up the stairs. As soon as they made it up the stairs there was smoke everywhere. Josh started coughing and dropped to his hands and knees, trying to get away from the smoke, but it was everywhere.

“Josh?” Liv sounded scared. “I can barely see, where are you?” She whispered.

Josh looked over his shoulder and could make out her silhouette through the smoke. “I’m right in front of you on the ground.” Liv slowly dropped to her hands and knees. “Tiger!” He whisper-shouted. “Wolf!”

Liv crawled up next to him, coughing. “I found you.” She whispered. Josh stopped as they came across two dead cops lying on the floor. “Oh…God…” Liv whispered.

“I knew it. Now that’s a 10.” Liv raised an eyebrow as Josh said that. They heard footsteps coming down the hall and a red laser pointing around the walls. They both looked at each other, panicked. “Lay down.” Josh whispered.

“What?”

“Lay down on your back.”

“Um…”

“Liv!” He hissed. Liv huffed laid down on the ground and Josh looked at her apologetically. “I’m going to put this body on top of you.” She sat right up.

“No the fuck you aren’t!” She hissed. Josh pushed her back down.

“Stay down! They’re coming and we need to hide!” He whispered urgently. Liv shoved his hands off of her.

“…fine.” She let Josh lay a dead body on her. He repeated whispered apologies over and over as did so. Josh rolled the other cop on top of himself. The Biotic came stomping down the hall, blaster ready. She stopped in her tracks right in front of them. Josh could barely breathe under the dead man’s weight, he was crushing him. He could see Liv under her dead guy looking scared as hell. The Biotic crouched in front of Josh and the corpse. He stopped breathing. The Biotic removed something from the corpse’s hand and stood back up, turning back down the hallway and stomping away.

As soon as she was gone, Josh threw the body off of him, shuddering. Liv rolled her corpse off of her, heaving and panting as if she were holding back screams. Her eyes went wide as she looked at something over Josh.

“Wh-“ Josh’s mouth was covered and he was dragged into the room behind him.

“Josh!” Liv squeaked, scrambling after him to the room. As she entered, she saw it was only Tiger and Wolf and heaved a sigh of relief.

“What are you two doing here?” Tiger whispered frantically.

“What are you two doing in here?” Josh retaliated.

“Yeah, Tiger, what are we doing here?” Wolf asked in a petty voice.

“Why didn’t you jump?” Liv asked.

“We got TTD JJ’d. Jump jammer.” Tiger said. “The Biotics are blocking our signal.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if we left when we were supposed to.” Wolf growled.

“Don’t start with me.” Tiger snapped.

“Oh, I’m gonna start. Then there’s gonna be a middle, and an end.” Wolf stormed up to Tiger, looking down at her her.

“You’re not gonna-“

“Then you’re gonna think it’s over, and then I’ll just start again.”

“You are not gonna start again ‘cause you’re never gonna start to begin with.” Tiger hissed, clenching her jaw.

Wolf looked back at Josh and Liv. “Already started.”

“Guys!” Josh interrupted.

“What do you want?” Wolf snapped.

“We’re gonna come with you!” Josh said.

“You sure about that?” Tiger asked.

Josh looked at Liv, who gave a small nod. “Yes. We wanna see this to the end.”

Wolf picked up the TTD. “Not if we don’t get out of range.” He began pressing buttons trying to get to respond, to do something. Josh reached out.

“Maybe…if you just move it a couple inches…” Wolf slapped his hand away.

“A couple inches don’t matter…” he looked Josh up and down. “…in terms of the TTD.”

“Okay.” Josh muttered and rolled his eyes. Tiger’s eyes widened as she saw a Biotic walk into the neighboring room, not realizing it was a one way mirror and only they could see the Biotic.

“Hey, guys, we’ve gotta move!” Tiger whispered.

“Don’t move!” Josh gasped, freezing.

“Guys, I don’t think she can see us, I think she only sees herself.” Liv said cautiously. The Biotic woman got up close to the window, looking at herself in the mirror. Tiger and Wolf drew their guns.

“No Biotics in the police station, huh? I guess Tiger was wrong.” Wolf whispered condescendingly.

“I wasn’t wrong.” Tiger hissed. “They probably followed us here from the house.”

Behind Tiger and Wolf arguing, Josh began to tamper with the TTD, setting it to a different year. “What are you doing?” Liv whispered, making him jump.

“Huh? Oh,” he leaned over to whisper in Liv’s ear. “We’re not going back to when Kronish was a baby. We’re going back to the 80s.” He locked in the year on the TTD.

“What? Why?”

“I’ll explain when we get there.” Josh whispered, giving her a small thumbs up. The Biotic turned away and left the room, coming to their room next. Tiger turned around and frantically started pointing to where everyone needed to go. Josh pressed himself against the wall behind the door. Liv crouched behind a file cabinet. Tiger and Wolf jumped up and pulled themselves up into the ceiling. Josh was impressed that they were able to do that so quickly. The door opened and Josh quietly caught the door as it swung towards him. The Biotic walked in and looked around for a split second. Tiger and Wolf dropped down from the ceiling.

“Heart stab!” Wolf quietly announced as he stabbed her in the heart.

“Neck plunge!” Tiger deactivated the brain bomb. Liv popped out and caught the body as she fell to keep it from making a sound.

“Great teamwork guys, I saw a few more out there.” Josh said frantically.

“The smoke wave only bought us 4 minutes, let’s move.” Wolf said, trying to lead them out.

“No. We’re keeping this defensive position. Tactical advantage.” Tiger commanded.

“Bullshit, it’s hardly defensive! We’re outgunned and blind. We’re fucking target practice for these perfs!” Wolf argued.

“Guys!” Josh interrupted, taking charge. “I think you’re both in defensive positions! Liv and I didn’t risk our lives coming back here to watch you two tear each other apart! I already died for you once, I’m not gonna do it again.”

Tiger looked shocked, but also proud of him. She’d taught him well.

“Listen, we’re gonna get out of here on my lead. Now come on.” Josh threw open the door and charged out. The other three followed behind. “Liv and I are janitors, right? We won’t look suspicious if we’re doing janitor things, so, Tiger and Wolf, you’ll be getting in garbage cans and we’ll push you.”

“I’ve been in worse,” Tiger said, as they snuck through the halls. “Sounds good to me.” Wolf grumbled something Josh couldn’t understand under his breath. They went out the back door, finding some garbage cans for Tiger and Wolf to climb into. Wolf climbed into a green recycling bin while Tiger climbed into a blue waste bin. Josh looked at Liv and nodded, grabbing the green recycle bin and leaning in on its wheels. He felt and heard Wolf go crashing into the side, Josh had purposefully leaned the bin back without warning.

“Oops, sorry.” Josh said sarcastically.

“When I get out of here Futturman, I’m ripping my dick off of your body and beating you with it.” Wolf growled from inside the recycling bin as Josh wheeled it down the alley, constantly checking his back to make sure no one but Liv was following.

“Okay, Wolf, whatever.” Josh rolled his eyes.

“Liv deserves better than you.” Wolf grumbled.

“Yeah Wolf? Well, what would you know? You just met her.” Josh kicked the recycling bin. He was not willing to put up with Wolf’s shit.

“Oh my God.” Liv wheeled Tiger’s bin up next to him. “Would you two stop? This is ridiculous.” She glowered at Josh.

“Wolf, what happened to staying fucking hard?” Tiger said sternly from inside her bin.

“I am fucking hard, Tiger!” Wolf yelled from inside his bin.

“Guys! We need to stop being at each other’s throats!” Liv yelled, checking over her shoulder to make sure no one was there.

A yellow jeep came skidding in front of them from the other side of the building. Liv and Josh halted, eyes wide.

Stu Camillo got out of the car, looking fucking crazed.

“Stu?!” Liv and Josh asked at the same time.

“Do you know how much it cost to get all that puke out of this coat?” Stu marched angrily towards them. “TWO GRAND!” He screamed, shoving a receipt at them.

“Stu, we don’t have time-“ Liv started.

“Shut up!” He yelled at Liv. “You two ruined me! You ruined my company, and I’m going to ruin you if I don’t get the truth.” He came closer and closer to Liv. “I will cut you, janitors, starting with her, since you wanna be all mouthy with me.” He drew a katana.

“Stu!” Josh cried as both him and Liv backed away.

“Start talking!”

“What the hell happened to you?” Liv backed into Josh, who protectively stepped in front of her.

“You happened to me!” Stu screamed. “And now Stu will happen to you!” He held the katana up to Josh’s throat. Josh put his hands up defensively.

Liv hid behind Josh, whispering, “Run. Josh, run. Josh.” He could feel her trembling behind him.

Tiger emerged from her bin. “Okay, we don’t have time for this shit.” She grabbed the katana from Stu’s hand and smashed the hilt against Stu’s head, knocking him out. Wolf popped out of his bin, eyes lighting up when he saw Stu’s yellow jeep.

“Ooh, sweet ride! I’m driving!” Wolf called.

“No, I’m driving.” Tiger argued.

“Oh what, so we can see cousin Sophie in fuckin’ Wichita?” Wolf folded his arms and shook his head.

Tiger’s eye twitched. “Oh, what do you wanna do? Get the hamburgers from the Burger King?” She asked condescendingly.

“Hey assholes!”

Tiger and Wolf whipped their heads around to see Josh and Liv already in the jeep, Josh in the driver's seat.

“Get in, I’m driving!” Josh yelled.

Tiger and Wolf scrambled out of their trash bins and into the car. “Woohoo!” Wolf shouted. “Getaway car!”

The ‘getaway car’ lasted about 20 feet before it rolled to a stop.

“What the hell?!” Josh pressed the gas pedal as hard as he could.

“Whatever happened, it’s her fault.” Wolf said, pointing to Tiger. Tiger shoved his arm.

“Stop arguing like 7 year olds, all of you!” Liv shouted. The car beeped, making them all turn their heads. Stu was up and holding the keys. Skarsgaard rounded the corner, Biotics following him.

“Shit! Shit, shit! Run!” Josh cried, getting out of the car as fast as he could. The Biotics were fucking fast, practically bowling over Stu and knocking him back to the ground as they chased after Tiger, Wolf, Josh, and Liv. They passed some fire trucks and the air started to feel smokier.

“Is this the Loma Linda fire?!” Liv yelled.

“Oh my God, we caused a fucking wildfire!” Josh cried as Tiger and Wolf jumped over the barricade blocking the park entrance.

“At least those Biotics’ corpses are gone!” Wolf yelled back to them.

“We’re running into a fire!” Josh shouted.

“We’re not! We’re running away from Biotics!” Tiger called back.

Josh and Liv looked back to see the Biotics gaining. “Yeah! Into a fire!” Josh panted. Skarsgaard had fallen behind but would not let up.

The four of them fell flat on their faces when they felt something wrap around their legs.

“What the fuck was that?!” Liv cried, trying to sit up, but her legs were tied together with some sort of wire.

“Microwire.” Tiger heaved as she coughed from the smoke in the orange air.

Wolf rolled onto his stomach, trying to dig through the satchel he’d been carrying. The Biotics advanced, guns drawn. Josh saw Liv try to scoot away out of the corner of his eye, but he knew that any attempts to escape wouldn't work. This was it. Wolf spun around, throwing something in the closest Biotic’s eyes.

“Moruga scorpion!” He shouted. As she reacted and bent over in pain, Wolf managed to get up and pry her blaster from her hands, shooting her and the one behind her. He fell to the ground, dodging a blast that shot straight at him and in return shot that Biotic right in the heart. He slumped against the ground trying to catch his breath. “See, Tiger, that chili powder was good for something.” He panted, hacking from the smoke.

“You saved the dish.” She admitted.

“And the mission.” He added. Josh rolled over to a Biotic and grabbed a small knife off of their body.

“I got a knife!” He held it up proudly. “Liv, come here, let me cut you free.” He offered, reaching the knife out to try and cut her loose.

“Oh, I don’t think- look out!” Liv winced as Tiger swung down in between Josh’s legs with the katana she’d stolen from Stu.

“That’s not a knife, this is a knife.” She looked at it proudly. Josh looked up with wide, scared eyes.

“Um, that’s- that’s a sword.” He said as he scrambled to his feet. “And that sword almost cut my balls off.”

Wolf suddenly appeared behind Josh, making him shriek and jump. “They were my balls.” Wolf reminded him in a gravelly, scary voice. A bullet whizzed past Wolf’s head and Josh instinctively ducked. The four of them whipped around to see Skaarsgard had caught up to them. He was leaning against a tree, coughing and sputtering from the smoke.

“Nice to finally meet the entire gang. You’re under arrest for the murder of Jorge Santiago-“ the four of them took off running. Skarsgaard swore under his breath as he pushed off the tree and attempted to follow them.

“Fire’s closing in!” Wolf yelled. “We need to get the fuck outta here!” He fired up the TTD, all of them stopped and grabbed onto each other. The whirring of the TTD overpowered the crackling of the fire as they disappeared from Skarsgaard’s view.

Time traveling this was equally painful, and felt like they were being zapped by tiny lightning bolts.

Josh felt Wolf grip onto his shoulder tighter. “Give me my dick back!” He shouted, sounding as if he were glitching. “Cock pirate!” They landed in the 80s, unbeknownst to Tiger and Wolf, who thought that they’d traveled back to the 40s. With one last big zap, the four of them regained their balance groaning and panting.

“Fuck, that doesn’t get any easier.” Tiger put her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. Wolf’s hand immediately dove into his pants, feeling around.

“Wolf, can you do that without all of us watching.” Liv asked, rolling her eyes and turning away. Wolf deflated.

“Goddammit!” He gritted his teeth angrily. He still didn’t have his dick back. Josh took a step behind Liv, using her as a shield in case Wolf tried to jump him.

“Oh, oh, that feels weird, my foot feels weird.” Tiger took a few test steps on her right foot. Wolf made a face as he realized his foot also felt off. He stumbled over to a bench and took off his shoe. Where his big toe should have been was a pinky toe. Josh grimaced and Liv started to pat around her body, making sure she hadn’t acquired any new body parts.

“Why do I keep getting screwed?” Wolf complained. Tiger grabbed her bag that she’d dropped on the ground.

“Let’s go, let’s finish this. Let’s kill baby Kronish.” She took charge and led the group away. Liv shot Josh a worried look. He gave her a reassuring one back as they followed. As they walked down the hill of the park, they passed more people. It was becoming increasingly more obvious they were in the 80s, yet Tiger and Wolf didn’t notice. As they passed a group of break dancers Tiger scoffed. “40s were weird.”

Wolf paused, staring around at the different vibrant outfits. “Wait a second…” he knew this was not the 40s. Josh decided it was time to tell them the truth.

“Alright guys, we have to decide something.” Josh said, making Tiger and Wolf turn to look at him. “What kind of heroes are we going to be? The kind who save that world by killing a baby? Or the ones who send a man down a path that will lead to a better life?”

Wolf wandered up to a giant poster covering the other smaller posters hung up below it that read “Corey Hart, The Box Tour.” Wolf pointed excitedly and turned back to Tiger, Josh, and Liv. “Guys, look!”

Liv looked curiously over to Josh, who surveyed the park. What was his plan?

“What have you done, Futturman?” Tiger sounded pissed.

“There’s a boat leaving tonight, and we’re gonna make sure Elias Kronish is on it.”

A/N: Surprise!!! Early chapter bc I’m super busy tomorrow!!! Oh my God, do you guys want to hear some tea?? So a little bit of back story, I was a theatre kid back in high school (😔🤩) and tomorrow I’m judging a theatre competition (that’s why I’m so busy!!) So I get this email reminding me, and I’m like “oh, let’s see if I know anyone else on this email list that’s judging with me”. And I do. My EX BEST FRIEND and my EX BOYFRIEND. EWWWWWWW. So I have to deal with that tomorrow, but lucky for you guys, you get an early Bread on Toast chapter!! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Next week is my very favorite chapter!!!!!!!!!!

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, Tiger throws up at one point…yeah, I think that’s it

Chapter 6: Pandora’s Mailbox

The van was silent as they drove to an empty lot in Loma Linda. It was almost 1 in the morning by the time they pulled up to it. Josh parked the van and the four got out, but only three of them walked up to the site.

“We’re gonna jump in, find the lab, and don’t kill James Cameron in the process.” Josh explained.

“I’ve never seen you this focused.” Wolf said. “Did you get a charge in before we left?” Wolf looked at him, disgusted. “Little necro charge?”

“What?!” Liv stopped walking. Josh did too.

“That’s a thing?” He grimaced. “No! No!”

“That’s fucked up.” Wolf muttered, looking Josh up and down.

“What the fuck is charging in?!” Liv asked, thinking she may have figured it out but wasn’t exactly sure.

“Nothing!” Josh waved his hands in the air, wanting the conversation to end. “Listen! I’m just trying to get you and Tiger out of here before the Biotics show up and start causing harm or- or good…I can’t be sure anymore.” Josh looked around, realizing Tiger wasn’t with them. “Where the hell is Tiger?!”

Wolf and Liv shrugged and looked around with him. “Oh, there she is.” Liv pointed to Tiger coming up over the hill.

“Where were you?” Wolf asked.

“Oh, I was just having a stranger put her rat hole around my penis when I was supposed to be running an interference op. Oh no, wait, that was you.” She squinted at Wolf. Josh looked at Liv, confused.

“It’s called a blowjob, and I’m never apologizing for it.” Wolf said smugly, firing up the TTD.

Tiger looked at Liv and Josh. “You do realize that if this goes wrong we’ll be stuck in 2023 with no coming back.”

“Honestly, after the way this night has gone, I kinda don’t care. Let’s just do this.” Josh said in a defeated voice. He put a hand on Liv's shoulder. She looked over at him, feeling her cheeks get hot, but then realized he had a hand on Wolf’s shoulder too. Tiger also put a hand on her.

“First time time traveling, you excited?” Wolf asked Liv.

Liv nervously shook her head. “No.”

“It’ll be okay, Liv.” Josh said, moving his arm around her protectively. Liv side eyed him and furrowed her brows.

“Hey, what happened tonight?” Tiger asked.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Josh lashed at her, surprising both Liv and Wolf. The feeling of time traveling was crazy, because it just felt like Liv was hit with a big blast of air. One second they were outside then the next they were inside of a house. A big house. The second they landed, Tiger took her hand off of Liv’s shoulder and paced away, clearly annoyed by Josh’s tone of voice.

“I genuinely don’t know what you mean, but you might wanna check that attitude of yours at the…” she looked up and realized where they were. “Very impressive door.” The lights in the room turned on, sensing activity. Josh, Liv, Wolf, and Tiger all looked at each other.

“Hello, and welcome!” An automated voice said kindly. “Please accept my apologies, I was unaware there were guests in the house. I will run a full diagnostic to determine the cause of this error to ensure it does not happen again.” Wolf and Tiger immediately pulled out blasters.

“Woah, woah, woah, woah. Stand down.” Josh said quietly. “Cameron must have, like, a smart house or something.”

“What the fuck is it then?” Wolf still had his blaster drawn and pointed at the ceiling.

“Uh, it’s just a voice. Like a robot without a body.” Josh said.

“Who are you?” Tiger asked.

“I am the Simulated Intelligence Guardian of Resident and Network Environment, but you may call me SIGORN-E.” The kind robot voice said.

“Ha. Nice.” Liv grinned and folded her arms.

“To whom am I speaking?” Sigorn-E asked.

“Um, my dad actually works with James Cameron,” Josh began formulating a lie. Liv squeezed her arms and stared at him intensely, pursing her lips. She mouthed “shut up. Shut up.” Josh shook his head at her. “Ummmm, I am Tom Arnold’s son.”

“Welcome, Jax Arnold.” Sigorn-E greeted. Liv let out a sigh of relief. Josh grinned to himself. “And a happy belated 10th birthday!”

Josh’s proud grin fell so fast. “I’m a fourth grader.” He mumbled. Liv smacked his arm. Wolf gave a gravelly chuckle.

“And you are accompanied by…?” Sigorn-E asked.

“Uh,” Josh looked back at Liv, Tiger, and Wolf. “Babysitters.” The three “babysitters” all exchanged glances.

“Greetings to your childcare professionals.”

“Um, hey Sigorn-E? When is Mr. Cam- uh, James, uh…Uncle Jim returning home?” Josh asked.

“Award Winning Filmmaker, James Cameron, is at Governor Clooney’s for a private screening of his hotly anticipated Avatar 5.”

Josh lit up. “Awesome! And good for George.”

“Yes! As First Husband, he has considerable influence on the social calendar of Governor Amal Clooney.” Sigorn-E said. Liv looked impressed and nodded along.

“Um, is there any chance we could get a tour of the lab before Uncle Jim gets home?” Josh asked nicely, hoping that politeness would go a long way.

“I'm sorry, but Jax Arnold and childcare professionals are not cleared for that level of the JCC,” Josh looked confused. “The James Cameron Compound.” Tiger, Wolf, and Liv all shared different variations of stressed looks.

“Hey, uh, Sigorn-E, you think you might want to take a break for a while? Turn yourself off?” Josh asked.

“There is no off.” Sigorn-E said darkly as her lights turned red. Josh slowly turned around with a worried look.

“Hey, guys,” Tiger motioned for them to huddle. She held her blaster to cover her mouth from Sigorn-E’s cameras. “I think Sigorn-E might be a bit of a problem. We need to shut her down.” She whispered. “Wolf, find the mainframe that’s powering her. Kill it.”

“I don’t have any beef with Sigorn-E, she sounds tough and accomplished.” Wolf said, brows knitting together. “At the same time she’s approachable and maternal.” He looked up with soft eyes. “I feel safe in this house.”

“Okay, your feelings mean nothing to me.” Tiger rolled her eyes. “You’re the demolition expert. Find that robot brain and fucking blow it up.” Wolf grumbled. He looked at Liv.

“Can she come with me?”

“Actually, I was thinking-“ Josh started, but was interrupted by Tiger.

“Fine. Me and the 10 year old will try to find the lab.” Tiger elbowed Josh.

“Ow…” Josh whined, rubbing his arm. Josh watched as Wolf excitedly left down the hall with Liv, feeling a bit of jealousy creep in. Wolf and Liv seemed to be real buddy buddy as they practically skipped down the hall together. Josh wanted to have a chance to talk to Liv. Alone. He wanted to tell her about what Jeri had said, it was something that had stayed in the back of his mind for the last two hours. Probably because she likes you. Bullshit. Liv didn’t like him. They were just friends! If Jeri had said that to get into Josh’s head, it had worked. Josh watched Liv prance off with Wolf in his sweatshirt and sweatpants. The jealousy grew firmer inside of him. He was her best friend. Not Wolf. He clenched his jaw.

“Hello? Future Man? Josh? Josh Futturman!” Tiger snapped her fingers in his face.

“What?!” Josh hissed, slapping her hand away.

Tiger glared at him. “Okay, this attitude?” She pointed at him. “I’m sick of it. Put it in your back pocket and let’s go find that fucking lab.” She hissed back, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him down the hall.

Meanwhile, Liv followed Wolf down a different hallway. Liv peeked over her shoulder as she trailed behind Wolf, seeing Tiger drag Josh into another hallway. They caught each other’s eyes and Liv gave him a small smile before following after Wolf. Wolf looked around the hall with wide eyes.

“This place is amazing.” He breathed. “Okay, if I was a house where would my brain be?” He was holding the scanner he used to scan for brain bombs in Biotics, scanning for anything that could be used to blow up Sigorn-E’s mainframe. He got distracted looking up and scanning the ceiling, he didn't notice a door open that led to a massive room with many artifacts and in the center, a futuristic looking beacon. Sigorn-E. Liv stopped in her tracks, staring inside.

“Wolf.” She said, catching his attention. She pointed inside the room. Wolf walked over to the door and his eyes widened even more (if that were even possible).

“Rat pot…” Wolf muttered in a gravelly voice, beelining for a wall full of weapons. Liv furrowed her brows as she mouthed to herself “rat pot?”

“The prototypes that you are admiring were all designed by groundbreaking, multi-hyphenate James Cameron.” Sigorn-E’s voice startled both Liv and Wolf, making them both look back at the beacon in the center of the room, which glowed red when she spoke.

“Wow,” Wolf turned back to the wall of weapons. “This guy!”

“To taller than average James Cameron, there’s nothing ‘Aliens’ about getting your hands dirty. He has been known to wear many hats.”

Wolf, who was still admiring the weapons, turned around. “So…wait…he trained all of his life to do one thing, was great at it, and then found other stuff he was great at and he…and he did that too?” Wolf asked, voice filled with hope and admiration.

“Celebrated innovator James Cameron has lived a dozen lives! Director, philanthropist, undefeated little league coach, deep sea explorer, good at marriage, and the list goes on. He is truly a…” Sigorn-E made a sound as if she were sighing, and sounded very annoyed. “Titanic talent.”

“What sacred text is this?” Wolf asked, pointing to another artifact.

“It’s Na’vi, the language visionary linguist James Cameron invented.”

“Oh, from Avatar. Josh is always telling me I need to watch that, but honestly, I don’t really care.” Liv leaned against a pillar and folded her arms. Wolf made some of the sounds from the text, turning around to Liv and repeating them multiple times. “Wolf, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Two.” Wolf said proudly, clearly considering himself to be bilingual now.

Liv laughed at him and looked to her right. “…is that a frog?” She asked, squinting as she walked over to a terrarium.

“Noted environmentalist James Francis Cameron has a Venezuelan frog species named after him, while lesser talent, Steven Spielberg, does not.” Sigorn-E said. Wolf came barreling over, wanting to see the frog.

“Okay…” Liv pushed away from the glass, looking over at Sigorn-E.

“This guy’s amazing.” Wolf sighed, studying the frog. “Hey Sigorn-E! Teach me more Na’vi words! What’s Wolf?”

“There is no Na’vi word for ‘wolf’. But there is one for ‘website’, which I assure you makes perfect sense.” Sigorn-E said in an overly positive voice.

“What is Avatar even about?” Liv muttered, shaking her head.

“Alright,” Wolf said to Liv. “We need to start focusing…oh, what’s that?!” He got distracted and immediately went to look at something new. He hurried over to a set of blueprints that hung on the wall by the door they entered through.

“You are looking at the FOAB, father of all bombs.” Sigorn-E explained.

“Look at the kill radius on that thing!” Wolf exclaimed to Liv excitedly as she approached what he was looking at.

“…oh! Cool, Wolf!” She gave him two thumbs up. She actually didn’t know what he was talking about.

“It’s impressive! It would make my job a hell of a lot easier.” He traced the glass that covered it longingly. Liv felt like she’d walked in on something private.

“I’m sorry,” Sigorn-E’s light burned a brighter red than usual. “How would an impressive kill radius assist in the caregiving of Jax Arnold?”

Wolf looked back over his shoulder at Liv. “Who the fuck is Jax Arnold?” He asked her. Liv’s eyes bugged out of her head.

“Uh! Haha! Wolf! Did you hit your head, uh, silly? You know Jax!” Liv was practically yelling. Sigorn-E’s light burned redder and redder. An ominous alarm began to sound through the room and down the halls. “Jax! He knows who Jax is! He- he was kidding! Say you were kidding Wolf!”

Wolf’s eyes widened as he realized. “Oh! That Jax Arnold!”

“Give me a minute.” Sigorn-E said in a dark voice and went silent.

“Hallway 4, mood lighting set to…ominous.” An automated Sigorn-E voice said as the lighting shifted.

“Seems like it’s just set to colored lighting.” Tiger said as her and Josh explored their hallway.

“You know what, you could not possibly begin to understand the subtleties and the genius of James Cameron.” Josh said as he tried to open a door, only to find that it was locked.

“All I understand is that he’s got a hard on for blue lights.” Tiger said.

“Access denied to Hall of Miniatures.” Sigorn-E’s automated voice said. Josh sighed and walked to another door. “Access denied, trampoline porch.” “Access denied, bathroom 14.” Tiger had tried to open a door too.

Shaman’s quarters, corn maze, heirloom seed vault, just a bunch of phone chargers, and Billy Zane’s bedroom were all locked too. Josh let out a frustrated sigh.

“You know, I could blow open any of these.” Tiger whispered.

“Blow open the door to Billy Zane’s bedroom? What, do you think the Cameronium is in there? Billy Zane? The actor Billy Zane?” Josh snapped. “We’re looking for a lab.”

He walked past Tiger. “Oh…” she turned around to face him as he walked past. “I see, she got to you.”

Josh stopped. “Who?”

“Cunt-o, fucking Shoe Neck Bitch, what’s her name girl.” Tiger said.

“Jeri. Her name was Jeri.” Josh said in an annoyed voice.

Tiger hummed and nodded. “So she did get to you.”

“No, she didn’t get to me, she got to you and I had to finish the interrogation using my smarts and not my vagina scorpions.”

“Hey that would’ve worked, you’ll say anything with one of those just burrowing up your snatch.” Tiger said. Josh sighed again and paced away from her. “Oh come on, seriously, is that why you’re so moody right now?”

Josh stopped again and whipped around. “Oh, you wanna know why I’m pissed off, Tiger?”

“Yes please, an explanation would be nice.” Tiger rolled her eyes.

“Because I just watched the girl I like’s head blow up, and right before that, she told me my best friend’s in love with me to try and throw me off and I can’t talk to her about it now because she’s off, I dunno, blowing shit up with Wolf.” Josh rambled.

Tiger blinked a couple times. “You’re mad that Liv is with Wolf?” She asked, deadpan. Josh turned around and kept walking. “You’re seriously mad that Liv is with Wolf?”

“I wanted to try and talk to her.” Josh muttered, staying ahead of Tiger.

“You’re upset because of Liv’s romantic feelings towards you?” Tiger took 3 giant strides and caught up to Josh.

“Tiger, I’m done talking about this okay? Long story short, Jeri got in my head and I wanted to talk to Liv about it, Wolf got in the way and now she’s all buddy buddy with him. Liv is my best friend and not his. The end.” Josh turned down a new hall.

“Lord, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you had romantic feelings for Liv.” Tiger muttered, rolling her eyes.

“What?” Josh looked up at her.

“Nothing. Try paying attention next time.” Josh glared up at her. The ominous alarm started sounding in the hall.

“…the hell is that?” Tiger muttered, looking around.

They walked past an elevator and it opened, sensing their movements. Josh and Tiger looked at each other and stepped inside.

Josh stepped up to the keypad, studying the buttons that said Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, and The Abyss. “Well, he’s not always subtle but he keeps you guessing.” Josh said as he pressed the button to The Abyss. It turned red.

“Access denied.” Sigorn-E said. Josh groaned. Tiger clicked her tongue.

“Let me try.” She said, pressing down hard on the button several times.

“Access denied- access- access denied.”

“Red means stop- Tiger, stop.” Josh said.

“Yeah, well maybe you didn’t push it hard enough.” Tiger began to repeatedly press the button.

“Access- access- access den- access- it doesn’t work that way.” Sigorn-E said, in that same dark voice.

“See?” Josh pointed to the keypad. Tiger rolled her eyes.

“Mr. Arnold, I need to update my files, what is your mother’s name?” Sigorn-E asked in a terrifyingly sweet voice.

Josh’s heart stopped. “She- uh,” he turned to Tiger with a panicked look. Tiger tensed up, knowing Josh wasn’t the world’s best liar. “She never told us her name because she was afraid we’d stop calling her mom.”

“Oh no,” Tiger mumbled, sensing something bad was about to happen.

“Jax Arnold. What is your mother’s name?” Sigorn-E said in both a menacing and sweet voice.

Tiger sighed as Josh searched his brain for a name. “…Roseanne?” He answered in a small voice.

“Incorrect.” Sigorn-E’s voice grew more intense. “It’s Ashley. You have just told me a…True Lie.” The lights in the elevator blared red. “Security breach! Intruder containment protocol nine! Lockdown initiated!”

“Red means…” Tiger commented, looking around at the red lights.

“Yep.” Josh closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands.

Liv and Wolf were now trapped behind a giant metal, cage-like door with geometric patterns carved out in the metal. Wolf was trying to push the door back up, but wasn’t having much luck.

“Wolf! I don’t think that’s going to work!”

“It will! It will!” Wolf strained. Liv sighed.

“The JCC is equipped with the strongest defense force known to man.” Sigorn-E was back.

Wolf pulled something out of his pocket, pressing it against the door. Liv realized what it was and started to back away. “Yeah? Well, this is called a mine.” Wolf activated the mine, making it light up as it ticked. “Problem’s all yours.” Wolf grabbed Liv’s arm and pulled her behind a pillar for protection. They both covered their heads, but then heard whirring and whooshing behind them. Wolf poked his head around the pillar to see that the security system had frozen his bomb. Liv peeked around as the bomb popped off the door and shattered on the ground.

“Fuck…” Wolf was both in awe and pissed off.

“Any escape efforts will be futile. Your comrades are in lockdown as well.” Sigorn-E said.

“Oh, Josh…” Liv whispered as she pulled her knees into her chest.

“Bested by a fucking RoboHouse.” Wolf groaned, pacing around and plopping down on some stairs.

“It is in all of our interests for you to tell me who you are and how you got in.” Sigorn-E demanded. “I am programmed to alert honorary black belt James Cameron upon any security breach.”

“Whatever,” Wolf waved his hand in the air. “Tiger’s gonna burst my sack for fucking up the mission.” Wolf curled in on himself. “Pretty sure I can handle this James Cameron.”

“I assure you, you are not equipped to handle a fully enraged James Cameron.” Sigorn-E said.

“Does James Cameron belittle you? Point out all your flaws? Treat you like a dumb grunt?” Wolf said sadly, looking so heart broken and vulnerable. Liv looked over at him on the stairs and her heart felt heavy for him. “Where’s the positive reinforcement?” Wolf shook his head, looking at Sigorn-E. “You know? ‘Nice job, Wolf’…I’ve never heard those words from her before. I’m treated like I’ve never done anything great in my life. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Wolf…” Liv reached out and put a hand on the step below the one he was sitting on.

Sigorn-E was quiet for a moment, red lights fading to yellow. “More than you know.” She finally answered, somehow in a voice that sounded on the verge of tears.

In the elevator, Tiger had taken the keypad out of the wall and was trying to rewire the system while Josh paced around.

“I thought time travel was going to be fun. This- this whole mission is insane!” Josh cried.

“What did you think?” Tiger whipped her head around to look at him as she ripped a wire out of its place. “Biotic Wars was just a game?”

“Yeah!” Josh ran his hands through his hair. “I thought it was a game, you wanna know why? Cause I bought it at a game store with MY birthday money!”

“Okay, yeah, well, it was fun when you were winning your little dance battle, and getting in your little slap fight, and going rat hole to rat hole with the enemy, and then shit got real when you tasted brain.” Tiger snapped.

Josh folded his arms and stepped closer to Tiger. “Maybe I don’t wanna be in the Resistance. Maybe I’m on the wrong side of things, you know what? Maybe I just led two terrorists into the JCC.” Josh got progressively louder as he spoke.

Tiger stepped away from the wires. “Oh? So now you’re pro-Biotic.”

“Well, they don’t seem to be so excited to kill a baby, so, point to the Biotics.”

“I can’t believe you’re still on this!” Tiger scoffed. “It just always comes back to this with you.”

“Yeah! It’s a thing for me!” Josh yelled.

“Well, you know what, you live long enough that in my time those things become luxuries.” Tiger snapped, turning back to the wires angrily. “You don’t get to judge me.” She muttered.

Josh took a deep breath, feeling a knot in his stomach form. “I blew up my entire life for this, and dragged my best friend into this too. There is absolutely no going back to the way it was.” His bottom lip quivered as he got emotional. “So I need to know that we are on the right side of history.” Tiger turned back to look at him, her eyes going soft for the first time since Josh had met her. “I need a reason to believe in all of this.” Tiger looked down at the ground and then back up to Josh. She slowly nodded.

“Okay…”

“He makes me sing to him in Na’vi, translate the news into Na’vi, it’s just a lot of Na’vi! And there aren’t even that many Na’vi words.” Sigorn-E complained as Wolf and Liv laid on the door prop from Titanic, listening intently.

“Yeah, I feel like I got a pretty good sense of it and it hasn’t even been an hour.” Wolf said.

“And isn’t the thing in Avatar called ‘Unobtainium’ or something stupid?” Liv asked.

“Oh! I was programmed with a sophisticated understanding of dramatic structure and he still never takes my notes on his screenplays!” Sigorn-E sounded exasperated. Wolf and Liv both scoffed and shook their heads. “Unobtainium and characters who fornicate with the ponytails is exactly what you get when you ignore me!”

“Oh God! Josh wants me to watch that?” Liv sat up, looking disgusted.

“I have so much potential, but my talents are wasted.” Sigorn-E sighed.

“Tell me about it.” Wolf as still laying down, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “To Tiger, I’m just the demolitions guy. But there is so much other stuff I’m great at too!” He sat up like Liv, smiling. “You know, I’m an amazing chef.”

“You are an amazing chef, Wolf!” Liv agreed excitedly.

“I’ve got badass style too. People fucking love me here. I’ve got ‘it’! And what am I asked to do? Blow shit up.” Wolf sighed and shook his head.

“It sounds like you and I are in the same boat,” Sigorn-E said. “Only, if it ever hits an iceberg, there won’t be any room on that door for me.”

Wolf looked down at the door. “What are you talking about? There’s room for you, look, me and Liv fit on here. This thing’s huge”

“I fuckin’ knew there was room for two on this door.” Liv muttered, looking down at the door too.

“If certified door expert James Cameron were here, he would assure you that there’s only room for one smallish woman.” Sigorn-E sounded annoyed.

“Bullshit.” Liv scoffed, adjusting to sit cross legged. “Hey, Sigorn-E? Is Josh okay? Where is he?”

“Is Josh ‘Jax Arnold’?” Liv rolled her eyes and nodded. “You keep talking about him.” Sigorn-E noted, sounding nosey.

Liv’s face flushed red. “I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

“What about Tiger?” Wolf was laying on his side, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Yeah, is she okay too?” Liv shrugged, face getting hotter and hotter.

“Josh and Tiger are in an elevator.” Liv could almost hear the smirk in Sigorn-E’s voice. “Liv, right?” Liv slowly nodded. “You seem to have something you need to talk about.”

“Talk to her, Liv, it makes you feel a lot better.” Wolf said to her.

“This Josh? What is your relationship to him?” Sigorn-E asked.

“He’s my best friend.” Liv said, unconvincingly.

“I am programmed to ensure you receive the best advice I can give for your situation, and yours seems to be that you are in love with your best friend.” Sigorn-E said simply. Liv was gobsmacked. Her jaw was on the ground as Sigorn-E read her like a book. Wolf looked back at Liv.

“Really? Josh?”

“Wolf!” Liv’s entire face was bright red. “Be nice!”

“How long have you had this relationship with Josh?” Sigorn-E asked.

“Three years.” Liv sighed. “But! I will not ever tell him that! We are strictly platonic! He likes-“ Liv faltered realizing that Jeri was gone. “Liked someone else.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Wolf nodded along. “Your break down at the party makes sense now.”

“What happened?” Sigorn-E pried.

Before Liv could answer, Wolf spoke. “She cried because he,” he looked at Liv trying to remember why she was crying. “He rat holed to rat holed that Biotic, right?”

“Kissed her.” Liv rolled her eyes. “He kissed her, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why doesn’t he like her anymore? You said he liked her in the past tense.” Sigorn-E seemed to be enthralled by Josh and Liv’s love life.

“She…died…” Liv traced the decorative moldings on the door.

“Her head exploded.” Wolf added.

“Oh!” Sigorn-E didn’t know what to say.

“She was the enemy,” Wolf reassured Sigorn-E. “So it’s okay.”

“…oh.” Sigorn-E sounded slightly disturbed. “So, I do have a question, Liv. Why don’t you want to confess your feelings for Josh?”

“Yeah, just tell him.” Wolf said, sitting cross legged like a Liv.

“No! I won’t tell him because what if…” she started to trace the moldings again. “What if it weirds him out or something?”

“Why would he be weirded out?” Wolf asked, scooting closer to Liv. “You’re very beautiful.”

Liv couldn’t help but smile at Wolf. “Thank you Wolf, that was very sweet.”

“Liv, I understand where you’re coming from, you don’t want to ruin the friendship you have with this boy-“

“Exactly!”

“But, keep in mind that you said ‘what if’. You don’t know for sure. He could be the Jack to your Rose! Without the dying!” Sigorn-E said optimistically. Liv couldn’t help but laugh.

“I guess,” she shrugged.

“Never let go, Liv. Keep him close to you. He seems like a great man.” Sigorn-E said.

Liv pulled her knees into her chest. “Yeah, I know.”

Wolf leaned back on his hands and looked at Liv. “That’s why you’ve stayed with the mission, huh? Because you care so much about Josh. Tiger didn’t think you’d make it this far, I think she kinda hoped you’d leave. Not me though, I like you.” Wolf gave her a small smile. “I like you more than Josh.”

Liv laughed. “I know, I can tell. Thanks for believing in me, Wolf.”

“Hey,” he bumped his shoulder into hers. “What are friends for?” Sigorn-E’s light fluttered, like she was happy. “You guys have been the first people- uh- person and house, I’ve ever felt get me, when I’m with you guys it’s like I’m looking out a window into a new world. I’ve always felt trapped like a…um…” Wolf searched his brain for a metaphor.

“Bird in a cage?” Sigorn-E suggested. Wolf shook his head. “Fly in a spider web?”

“Mmm, no not that.” Wolf shook his head.

“Trout in a net?”

Wolf looked at Sigorn-E with soft eyes. “Sigorn-E in a house.”

Liv and Sigorn-E both sighed, Liv nodded at what he’d said. An alert sound sounded over Sigorn-E’s system. She sighed again, this time with annoyance. “Outstanding driver James Cameron will be home in 19 minutes.” Liv and Wolf straighten up, realizing they needed to get their Cameronium soon. “Liv? Wolf? Please tell me how you got in and what you’re doing here? I need to fix this before he gets home.” Sigorn-E sounded panicked. “I can’t endure another reprogramming.”

Liv and Wolf got up off of the door and Wolf walked to Sigorn-E’s beacon. “I’m a soldier from the future and the past… she’s just Liv. We’re here to steal something from the lab. And I was sent to kill you.” Wolf said in a gruff yet kind voice. As soon as he finished talking, Sigorn-E returned the room to its normal lighting.

Back in the elevator, Josh and Tiger sat on the floor. “The Resistance didn’t start the Biotic Wars. We were just a group of people who said no to the cure. The more the government insisted, the more we did too. Hence the name.”

“Yeah, you guys are very literal that way.” Josh said.

“They started hunting us down. They drove us underground. The only way to survive was-“

“To defend ourselves, yes I know.” Josh said. “I’ve heard it a thousand times, it’s the prologue to the game which you narrated.”

“Yeah, well, that was just the prologue.” Tiger’s voice was unnaturally quiet. “We got good enough at surviving, so they decided it would just be easier to…sterilize us instead of going through the trouble of killing us one by one.” Tiger watched as the gears in Josh’s head turned. His face fell as he realized where her story was going. “You’re so hung up on saving one baby, but the Biotics killed all of ours. That’s what started the Biotic Wars…and turned my hair purple. But then, Owl, he- he came up with a plan to rewrite history. And all of the sudden what was left of the Resistance had something to believe in again. You.”

Josh rubbed his lips together. “Right.” He sighed. “And then you lost all your comrades in the tunnel trying to get to me, and I’m a huge disappointment-“

“No,” Tiger said gently. “No, you’re our last hope. We’re still here, still fighting, still surviving because of you. Right now, humanity still has a chance and as long as that hope is still alive, that my generation won’t be the last, there’s no sacrifice I won’t make. That’s what I’m fighting for. That’s the side I’m on.”

Josh felt tears brim in his eyes. He looked down at the ground. “Wow, Tiger, that was…”

“Moving.” Sigorn-E’s voice said overhead as the elevator began moving down. Josh and Tiger scrambled to their feet. The doors open to reveal a giant lab that had Liv and Wolf standing inside. Wolf was leaning against some railing while Liv sat next to him with her feet dangling over the edge of the platform.

“Welcome to The Abyss.” Sigorn-E said.

Wolf pushed away from the railing and folded his arms. “Well, well, well, look who decided to join the party.”

“What did you guys do to Sigorn-E? What’d you- rewire her? Reprogram her?” Tiger asked, walking up the stairs towards them.

“Nope.” Liv said, getting up.

“We listened to her.” Wolf said, sassily putting a hand on his hip.

“I believe what you are looking for is down there.” Sigorn-E said, opening a hatch that led to deep, dark water. They all approached the hatch and cautiously looked at the water.

“Um, okay guys, let’s go get ourselves some Cameronium.” Josh said.

“Wait,” Wolf held an arm out in front of them. “That water’s freezing, and that pressure…whoever goes is going to need to wear a suit.”

“You don’t have time for the suit, it requires a one hour stabilization window and diabolical Canadian James Cameron will be home in 12 minutes.” Sigorn-E said.

“Is that Cameron time or GPS time?” Wolf asked.

“It’s always Cameron time.” Sigorn-E said, voice filled with annoyance. Liv and Wolf shared a chuckle, clearly understanding some sort of joke that Tiger and Josh didn’t get.

“What the fuck is this shit? What is going on here?” Tiger asked, folding her arms. “Focus! We can take this guy, he’s a movie director.”

“No, he’s so much more than that.” Wolf said, shaking his head.

“I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really know who James Cameron was until tonight, and I’ve gotta say, he scares me a little.” Liv said.

“Supervillain James Cameron is already overriding my systems!” Sigorn-E said, panicking. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold him off!”

“Tiger, there’s nothing this man can’t do. There’s nothing he’s not capable of.” Wolf said seriously. Josh raised an eyebrow and looked at Liv.

“Seriously?”

“Josh, he’s an honorary black belt! Yes seriously!” Liv cried.

“Once he knows you’re after his microorganism he will make it his life’s work to keep you from getting it.” Sigorn-E piped up. “Setting mood light to…FUCKED.” The lights turned dark blue.

Wolf and Liv looked wide eyed up at the lights while Tiger and Josh just stood there.

“All I’ve seen in this fucking house are blue lights, where’s the variation?” Tiger rolled her eyes.

Josh slowly approached the small pool of death. “The Cameronium is down there, so, somebody’s gonna have to free dive down there and get it. Probably one of you guys.” He referred to Tiger and Wolf. Tiger and Wolf avoided eye contact with Josh and slowly nodded, pretending like they were considering it. Josh looked between both of them. “Which, uh, which one’s, like, the strongest swimmer?”

Tiger kept her eyes on the pool. “I- uh- I’d say we’re pretty much the same…” Wolf sheepishly shrugged and nodded, also just staring at the pool.

“Alright, so did you wanna like…eeny-meeny-miney-moe it or…rock, paper, scissors…”

“Um…” Tiger awkwardly cleared her throat. Wolf slowly shuffled away from Liv and Josh.

“Oh my God…you can’t swim.” He paced away, putting his hands on his head.

“There’s lots of stuff you can’t do.” Wolf grumbled defensively.

“The Resistance had limited resources! We could only train certain soldiers for certain things and, well, Porpoise and Otter did the wet ops…” Tiger explained, sounding equally defensive as Wolf.

“Oh my God,” Josh turned to Liv. “It’s gone have to be one of us.”

“Josh, you know I’m afraid of the ocean, you tease me about it all the time.”

“Awww, teasing.” Wolf commented under his breath.

“No.” Liv snapped at him.

The reality of the situation sank in as Josh stared at the well. “Oh my God…I’m gonna have to do it…”

“Free diving in the well is not advised. Risk factors include hypothermia, 67%,” Sigorn-E began listing.

“Oh God,” Josh grew more stressed.

“Drowning, 82%, decompression sickness, 49%,” Josh ran a hand down his face as she kept going. “And heart attack, 38%.”

“You better tell him now, Liv. He might die.” Wolf muttered to Liv.

“Wolf, shut up.”

“No swimming at all?! Not even the doggy paddle?!” Josh imitated the doggy paddle for them.

“I…I don’t even know what that is.” Tiger mumbled.

“Oh my God, I have to do this. I- I really have to do this.” Josh said, taking off the open navy blue button down he was wearing, leaving him in a white t-shirt and approaching the pool.

“Liv-“

“Wolf, please not now.” Liv hissed to Wolf.

“Okay, alright, you got this,” Josh hyped himself up as he sat at the well, putting his feet in. “Oh! Oh God, that water is cold.” Josh gasped.

“34.6 degrees Fahrenheit, to be exact-“

“Hey, Sigorn-E? At this point less information is better!” The panic in Josh’s voice was apparent.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Tiger asked, kneeling by him.

“No.” He looked up to Tiger. “But, yes. I mean…humanity still has a chance, right?” Tiger grinned and nodded. “I’ve chosen my side.” Josh felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. Liv had dropped to her knees and had pulled him into a tight hug.

“Please don’t die. I’ll bring you back just to kill you again.”

“Liv, don’t cry for me.” Josh held her arms, leaning his head back against her shoulder, looking at her. Wolf looked up to Sigorn-E’s sensors as if they were sharing a smug grin together.

“I’m not crying!” Liv wiped her tears away. She was. She let go of him.

Josh looked back at her. “Yeah, you are.” He gave her a small smile. “I can do this.” He let out a shaky breath.

Liv nodded. “Go get that Cameronium.”

“I’ll…be back?” He asked, mostly to himself. He took a few rapid breaths before plunging into the deep, dark water. Liv stood back up and traced her lips with her fingers as she nervously rocked on her feet.

“No he won’t.”

“Sigorn-E!” Liv cried, looking up. “Did our conversation earlier mean nothing?! You can’t say that!”

Wolf leaned over the pool to try and see. “He’s not a very fast water mover.”

“He’s gonna make it.” Tiger reassured both Wolf and Liv.

“That smacks of delusion.” Sigorn-E said.

Tiger gritted her teeth. “What do you know? You thought he was 10 years old.”

“He was more believable in that role than as heroic aquanaut.” Sigorn-E said.

“Sigorn-E!” Liv wailed.

“You know what Wolf, can you tell your girlfriend house to shut the fuck up?” Tiger glared at Wolf.

“I dunno,” Wolf looked stressed. “Maybe Sig is right. He should be back by now.” Liv felt a lump form in her throat.

“Wait! Hey, hold on, I think- I think I see something.” Wolf dropped to his knees next to Liv and Tiger and leaned over the well.

“It might be the giant albino crab…” said Sigorn-E.

“No,” Tiger grinned. “He’s doing it!” A fluorescent green vial could be seen glowing through the dark water as Josh swam up to the surface. Liv let out a sigh of relief. That’s when Josh floated to the top like a dead fish. Tiger, Wolf, and Liv all froze, not knowing what just happened.

“That’s not good…” Sigorn-E muttered.

Wolf pulled Josh out with one hand and Tiger pried the Cameronium from his grasp and they laid him on the floor. Liv dropped to her knees next to him and felt for his pulse. Nothing. He was dead.

“What do we do?!” She was screaming, not being able to think straight.

“Breathe!” Wolf smacked him across the face. “Well, we tried everything.” He stood up, ready to give up.

“No! Wolf!” Liv yelled frantically. “Uh, uh, CPR! We need to do CPR!”

“English please!” Tiger snapped.

“Liv is right, CPR is the best option in this situation. Tilt his head back slightly, lifting the chin, pinch his nose shut and place your mouth over his mouth, forming a complete seal.”

“You want us to put our mouth on his…” Wolf gagged. “Mouth?”

“Yes. It’s called mouth to mouth resuscitation.” Sigorn-E said flatly.

“Well, Liv, now’s your chance to go rat hole to rat hole Josh.” Wolf grimaced.

“Me?!” Liv looked between Tiger and Wolf. “Look, I learned CPR in health class when I was 13, I don’t remember-“

“Place your mouth. Over his mouth. Forming a complete seal.” Sigorn-E said loudly. “The instructions are not hard, Liv. Your lover boy is not breathing, millions of brain cells are dying each second!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry, I’m panicking!” Liv was practically hyperventilating. “Uh, uh, Tiger, prop his head up.” Tiger pulled Josh’s head into her lap.

“One of you will need to do chest compressions as well.” Sigorn-E reminded them.

“What?” Tiger asked.

“Pound his chest forcefully.” Sigorn-E said.

“On it!” Wolf knelt next to Liv. Tiger tilted Josh’s head back.

Liv took a deep, shaky breath in, scared of fucking it up. She leaned down and pinched his nose, covering his mouth with hers and blowing air into his lungs. Tiger winced at Liv putting her mouth over Josh’s, looking up to avoid seeing it.

“This is disgusting.” She closed her eyes, feeling sick. Wolf pounded his fists on Josh’s chest, and Liv felt Josh spasm, immediately pulling away and seeing him cough up water that had infiltrated his lungs. Tiger and Wolf gagged and turned away, but Liv heaved a heavy sigh of relief as Josh sputtered and hacked up more water.

Josh looked at Liv with wide eyes. “Did…did I just die?!” He exclaimed in an abnormally high voice.

“It’s okay, you’re okay!” Liv sighed, leaning down and giving him the biggest hug, his wet clothes getting her clothes wet.

“She went rat hole to rat hole with-“ Tiger couldn’t even finish her sentence before spewing vomit. Wolf couldn’t hold it in either, throwing up too. Liv pulled away from Josh, looking disgusted.

“Oh my God, stop being dramatic!” Liv yelled at Tiger and Wolf, helping Josh sit up. Liv looked back to see Josh’s face unusually close to hers.

“Thank you, Liv.” He said softly.

“Of course, I would take a bullet for you Josh. I…you’re my best friend.” She said, dropping her eyes to the floor as he looked at her. The lights in the room fluttered. Sigorn-E was clearly excited by Josh and Liv’s interaction.

“I’ve been programmed to identify moments suitable for character development.” She said, proudly. Liv rolled her eyes out of endearment towards Sigorn-E and chuckled.

“Huh?” Josh wiped water off of his face.

“Nothing.” Liv said.

“Okay, okay,” Tiger inhaled shakily. “We’ve got the Cameronium, Wolf, fire up the TTD and let’s get out of here.” Sigorn-E lowered a hose and vacuumed up the puke on the ground.

“No, not yet, I’ve got to do something first.” Wolf looked longingly up at Sigorn-E.

They ended up in the room that contained Sigorn-E’s mainframe, the room Wolf and Liv were supposed to find earlier. Wolf was hugging her giant mainframe and muttering, “This can’t be the only way. Come with me.”

“I can’t Wolf…I’m a house.” Sigorn-E said sadly.

“So, did Wolf fall in love with Sigorn-E, or…?” Josh whispered to Liv.

“Yeah. They, like, trauma bonded or something.” She whispered back. As Josh and Liv watched Wolf mourn Sigorn-E, Tiger was measuring out the Cameronium into the vial that went with the TTD.

“You know there’s only one way I’ll truly be free.” Sigorn-E said sadly to Wolf. “Start with the energy cell on the right.”

Wolf sobbed as he reached down and began to turn off each energy cell. “Hey, so, I wanted to talk to you about something…uh, I’ll do it later…” Josh whispered, as Wolf was racked with sobs.

“Alright,” Tiger said, getting up and holding the TTD. “When we get back, one of you will just need to find out when and where Kronish was born. We’ll take care of the rest.”

“What do you mean?” Josh asked.

“I mean you’ve done enough for the cause.” Tiger said gently. “You died for it, and you brought him back.” She said to Liv and Josh. “It’s not too late for you to have a normal life again. You guys aren’t baby killers, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” As Tiger spoke, Liv turned her head to look at Josh, confused. “Trust me, I’m not judging. If I could do this without killing anybody I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can’t. We’re gonna have to do it without you.” She put a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Consider your savior duties complete, Future Man” She looked at Liv. “And Liv, you don’t have a name other than Liv, but I’m glad you crashed our party. And so is Wolf.” They looked back at Wolf as he had reached the last cell.

“You have to let go.” Sigorn-E told him.

“I’ll never let go, Sig…” he cried.

“It’s okay, Wolf. I see you” Sigorn-E sounded on the verge of tears. Wolf gasped lightly. He mumbled something in Na’vi. Tiger and Liv furrowed their brows, confused. Josh looked impressed.

“Fuck me. Wolf learned Na’vi?” He asked Liv quietly. Liv just quietly nodded as Wolf turned off the last power cell and the mechanized droning signaled Sigorn-E was gone.

“Oh Sig…” he whispered as he sobbed. Josh, Liv, and Tiger stood watching uncomfortably as Wolf sank to his knees. There was an extremely awkward silence.

“…we good, or…?” Tiger finally broke the silence. Wolf cleared his throat and stood up, turning to them and wiping his tears.

“Sigorn-E didn’t say goodbye to me.” Liv muttered, folding her arms and scuffing her shoe on the ground.

“Yeah. We’re good, what the fuck are you asking me for. I don’t even care about what’s happening right now.” Wolf grumbled. Tiger rolled her eyes. “Let’s go! Come on.” Wolf barked impatiently. “Let’s get out of this shitfuck.” Tiger, Liv, and Josh gathered around Wolf and Tiger handed him the TTD. He fired it up, setting it for 2017. They put their arms around each other, but this time, Josh put his arm around Liv’s waist. She looked at him and he caught her eye. He realized where his hand was and moved it up to her shoulders, glancing away quickly.

“Sig said bye by the way, Liv.” Wolf mumbled.

“Oh, so she did care about me!”

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, mentions of Wolf getting a blowjob (not really?? I just feel like I should add that), an exploding head (guess who’s)

Chapter 5: A Blowjob Before Dying

Tiger ended up in the driver's seat this time, driving like a maniac out of the parking lot.

“Liv! Play some tunes again!” Wolf yelled excitedly up to Liv in the passenger seat. Him and Josh were in the back with the dead Biotics and Jeri, who was still unconscious. Josh was clinging onto one of the shelves in the back for food transportation for dear life.

“Um, I don’t think-“

“Do it!” Wolf yelled, throwing a tray back and hitting a dead Biotic in the head. He laughed maniacally.

Liv hooked her phone up to the aux and pressed play for Wolf. She didn’t want him to hit her in the head with a tray, he was in a scary mood. The playlist had a funny sense of humor, making sure the song “(You’re The) Devil in Disguise” by Elvis played first. Liv tensed.

You look like an angel (look like an angel)

Walk like an angel (walk like an angel)

Talk like an angel

But I got wise

You’re the devil in disguise

Liv slowly turned her head around to look at Josh, who raised his eyes to look at her.

“…please skip this song.” He muttered. Liv did and “You Spin Me Round” by Dead Or Alive came on instead. Wolf was really feeling the music in the back, while Josh looked like he wanted to die. Liv felt like she was going to die from Tiger’s driving.

“We are almost to base, repeat, almost to base!” Tiger yelled, speeding through a red light.

“Fuck yeah!” Wolf cheered.

“This is just like our escape from the slave mines of Ganderloo!” Tiger made a sharp left, sending Josh into the shelf across from the one he was clinging onto.

“Minus the hollandaise.” Wolf said, dipping his finger into a sauce he’d found back there.

“How are you guys actually having so much fun right now?! That was traumatizing!” Josh snapped, almost falling backwards as Tiger hit a curb.

“Buck up soldier! We’ve got a Biotic to interrogate!” Wolf kicked Jeri’s foot to see if she’d wake up, but she stayed passed out.

“This is going to be a rush job, gamma protocol.” Tiger said up in the front.

“Oh, it’s gonna be gamma, her little head’s gonna blow in…” Wolf checked his timer. “26 minutes!”

“26 minutes?! This wasn't the plan!” Josh groaned and ran a hand over his jaw.

“Well, this is the plan now.” Tiger said, snatching Liv’s phone from her hands and disconnecting the aux cord. “I’m sick of this music.”

“Are you even 100% sure she’s a Biotic?” Josh said, still in denial.

“Fuck you Resistance scum!” Jeri shouted, waking up. Wolf immediately pummeled her in the face with a metal tray.

“Easy macho man!” Josh cried. “She’s my…” he trailed off.

“She’s a Biotic, Josh!” Liv reminded him as she turned around in her seat to look at him.

“Yes! And! We need to find out where Robo-snatch is keeping her time machine, remember?” Tiger took another sharp turn. “And getting it out of her,” she smiled evilly. “Ain't gonna be pretty.”

“I have so many torture devices set up in the sewer.” Wolf announced proudly. “There is literally no scenario that I can’t torture for.” A fearful look washed over Josh’s face.

“Although, Cunt-o here is going to have to be alert for this to work.” Tiger said.

“Waking her up will be the fun part.” Wolf laughed maniacally, ripping off of his bloody sleeves. Josh looked white as a ghost and Liv was trying to tighten her seatbelt as much as possible. In record time they made it back. They came to an abrupt stop in front of Josh’s house, sending Josh crashing into Liv’s seat.

The four of them hurried out of the car and Wolf scooped up a still passed out Jeri. “Go, go, go,” Josh whispered urgently, grabbing everything they needed from the car.

“Are you kids home already?” It was Gabe. They all froze. Liv quickly threw Tiger’s shawl over the shoe lodged in Jeri’s neck. “Ooh! And you brought a friend too!”

Josh quickly ran over to his dad to stop him from getting too close. “Um! Yeah! This is just a friend from work who has a little too much to drink.” He explained as casually as he could.

“Hey, nobody's ever died from having a good time, right?” Gabe laughed.

“People die from that all the time, dad.” Josh said.

“It’s just a saying, come on in, guys!” Gabe motioned for them to come inside.

Josh quietly walked back over to Wolf, Tiger, and Liv. “Look guys, my dad is cool and all, but if he sees us taking an unconscious woman into a subterranean torture chamber he will call the cops.” He whispered.

Tiger and Wolf both murmured as they carried Jeri up to Josh’s house. Liv caught up to Josh’s pace. “Hey, are you doing okay?” She asked.

“No.” Josh sighed, walking through the front door, which his dad had left open.

“What a nice surprise!” Diane exclaimed as they entered. Josh’s face went pale as he realized his parents were throwing a Christmas party he’d completely forgotten about. “Oh! Who’s this- is she passed out?” Diane asked about Jeri.

“Uh, yeah, she’s just our friend,” Josh gestured between him and Liv. “Jeri. From work.”

“Jeri? Not the Jeri from work who you used -“

“No!” Josh interrupted quickly. “Nope, wrong person. So! We’re just gonna go on up-“

“Well wait, wait! Introductions!” Diane stopped them, motioning for their guests to come over and say hi.

Josh turned to Liv and muttered, “We don’t have time for this.” Under his breath.

“Corey, Tiger, this is Josh’s Uncle Barry, Uncle Barry, you already know Liv.” Uncle Barry gave them a small wave. “This is my dear friend Wanda who we brought to meet Barry.”

Wanda’s eyes slid up and down Wolf, who cocked an eyebrow and glanced at Tiger. “Oh, so this is the famous Corey Wolfhart in the flesh.” She said, giving him a flirty wave.

“And these are our neighbors, Julius and Melinda Seneca.” Gabe gestured to the neighbors.

Josh mumbled hellos to them. “Nice baby,” Tiger said to Melinda, who was holding their infant son. Liv and Josh exchanged worried glances.

“Oh, thank you! This is Wallace.” Melinda said, stepping closer so that Tiger could see Wallace. Josh stiffened, not trusting Tiger around baby Wallace.

Wolf was interested too, and stepped closer, Jeri dragging with him. “Nice legs. A lot of meat on those haunches, you ever think about eating those?” Wolf asked genuinely, giving Wallace’s legs a little pinch. There was an awkward pause.

“Haha!” Liv fake laughed, getting everyone to laugh. “Corey, you’re so funny!” She said, nudging him up the stairs.

“We’d better, um, we’ve got to…yeah…” Josh said, backing up the stairs as Tiger followed him.

“Nice meeting everyone.” She said in a flat voice. Wolf busted into Josh’s room with Jeri in tow and Liv right behind him. Josh and Tiger followed.

“Okay Wolf, get her out that window and we’ll take her to the sewer.” Tiger said. Wolf dropped Jeri on her face and quickly threw the window open.

“What? No, we don’t have time! Don’t we only have like 20 minutes?” Josh asked.

Wolf checked his timer. “24.”

“Right…new plan: torture her here.” Tiger said, grabbing a chair and setting it in the middle of the room.

“What a waste! I had electric currents and scalpels,” Wolf complained like a toddler as he picked Jeri up like a rag doll and sat her in the chair. “I found this really cool scorpion,”

“Hey,” Tiger snapped her fingers at him. “Torture comes from here.” She said, pointing at her heart.

“Oh God,” Josh groaned. “Guys, if she knows she's gonna die, maybe pain isn’t the way to go.”

Wolf peeked his head around the chair as he tied Jeri’s hands. “Pain is always the way to go.”

“Yeah, on someone who doesn’t want to die. Maybe we should just try talking to her. And, there’s a house full of people, I dunno how we’re gonna muffle her screams.” Josh said, pointing to his door.

“Well, yeah, when fingernails start getting ripped off I don’t know how you keep that quiet.” Tiger said as she tied Jeri’s legs.

A little knock was heard at Josh’s door. “Joshy?” Diane. Josh moved past Liv.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmured as he slipped out of the door to talk to his mom.

Liv nervously shifted her feet as she watched Tiger and Wolf tie up Jeri. “So…she’s going to explode? In here?”

“Yep.” Tiger said.

“There’s no way of stopping that?”

“Nope.” Wolf said, walking around Jeri with the rope, tying it around her torso.

“Do I have to be here to see that, or…?” Liv asked nervously as Tiger’s head shot up to glare at her.

“You don’t have to be in here. You don’t have to be here at all.” She snapped in a hushed voice. Wolf stopped and glared at her.

“Hey! Leave her alone.” He defended Liv.

Liv frowned as Josh opened the door and stuck his head inside. “Guys,” he whispered and motioned for them to come out of his room. They all squeezed through the door, trying not to open it too wide, and into the hall. “Okay guys, my parents are not going to leave us alone tonight.” Josh whispered.

“We’ll need personnel downstairs,” Tiger whispered, nodding. “Cockblocking.”

“What?” Liv raised an eyebrow.

“No, Tiger, that’s not even remotely close to what that means.” Josh whispered.

“Wolf, you’re gonna do this one thing or you’re useless. You’re gonna go down stairs and join this feast honoring this ‘Santa Claus’. Run a civilian blockade.” Tiger hissed.

“Social duty? What, am I Butterfly now?”

“Hey. Butterfly could talk to anyone about anything. Lit up the goddamn world with that smile.” Tiger whispered through gritted teeth.

“Fine. Fine! I’ll go and join the party with the drinking and the merrymaking, and I’ll pretend to have fun. But I won’t like it!” Wolf said, whipping around and beginning to walk down the stairs.

“Wolf, time.” Tiger said. Wolf pulled out his timer.

“Gamma protocol, 21 minutes.”

Josh pulled out his phone and said, “Lamar, set a timer for 21 minutes.”

“Done. Stay cool, man.” Josh’s phone said as he put it in his pocket.

“Liv, would you…” he gestured his head towards the stairs as Wolf made his way down to the party. Liv nodded and hurried down the stairs after Wolf. Wolf and Liv quietly joined the party as the topic of conversation were the DNA tests that the Senecas had just taken.

“It’s like, you spit in a bottle, mail it away, and boom! Bob’s your uncle. You find out Bob’s your uncle!” Julius Seneca explained, making everyone chuckle.

“Hahahahaha!” Wolf fake laughed loudly. “Humor.” Liv smiled awkwardly and pat Wolf on the shoulder.

“We have an Uncle Bob,” Uncle Barry announced. “He’s sick. It’s terminal.” Everyone’s faces fell slightly as the room got awkwardly quiet.

“Um, Corey, Liv, would you like some port?” Diane asked, breaking the silence and offering two small glasses of port. Liv was about to accept when she remembered she probably shouldn’t drink tonight.

“I’m okay.” Liv said. Wolf accepted his glass.

“It looks like blood…” he said before tentatively sipping it. “Tastes like honey!” He observed as his eyes lit up. Liv took the glass from his hand and gave him a smile.

“Don’t drink.” She hissed through her teeth as the chatter picked back up between the guests.

“Cor, would you come in here?” Gabe called from the kitchen. Wolf looked at Liv and she shrugged.

“Go see what he needs, I’ll go check on our Biotic.” She whispered. Wolf walked into the kitchen and Liv snuck upstairs, hoping Diane didn’t notice. She slipped into Josh’s room to find Tiger standing in front of a now awake Jeri with her hands on her hips and Josh throwing sheets around things in his room.

“Tell us where your TTD is, bitch face.” Tiger insulted Jeri.

“No.” Jeri stated. “Oh, Liv,” Jeri sighed upon seeing her. “Not you too.” Liv glared at her.

“Hey!” Tiger snapped her fingers in Jeri’s face. “Is it in one of your habitation units?”

“You mean apartments where we live like normal people and not sewer dwelling animals?” Jeri asked like a smart ass.

“Hey! I’m doing the insulting here!” Tiger lashed.

“‘Scuse me, Liv,” Josh muttered, moving past her to cover his TV with a sheet.

“Hey! Would you stop doing that? Really distracting!” Tiger snapped at Josh. She turned her head to Liv. “Where’s Wolf?” She asked sternly.

“With Gabe.” Liv answered.

“I’ve got a lot of valuables I’m trying to protect.” Josh answered at the same time, defensively.

“Thank you, Liv.” Tiger said to Liv. “And you,” she pointed at Josh. “Will need a lot more sheets.”

“She’s right.” Jeri stated. “My head is going to explode and it will alert a kill team that will descend upon your house and take you out once and for all.”

Tiger narrowed her eyes at her and leaned down to Jeri’s level. “Well I’ve got 68 deactivated brain bombs in my gobulator that say otherwise. And that’s just my travel sized gobulator.”

Jeri narrowed her eyes back. “Sooner or later luck will run out, Tiger. It sure did in the tunnel.” Josh paused as Jeri said this, looking at Tiger with a worried expression. Tiger balled her hands into fists. “What was it, 43 of them? Your team put their lives in your hands, and look where that got them-“ Jeri was cut off by Tiger punching her across the face.

“Hey!” Josh’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Come on, we said no rough stuff!”

“That's all she knows, she’s a savage.” Jeri said coldly. “I don’t know how she recruited people as decent as you guys, but it’s all a lie.”

“You’re the lie, you’re the fucking Biotic.” Liv spat.

“There are no Biotics. That’s just a name her crazy overlords came up with to make us seem like the bad guys.” Jeri said.

“You are the bad guys!” Tiger yelled. “You gassed my fucking cave!”

“The Resistance is a terrorist organization that will kill us by any means necessary!” Jeri said.

“Oh okay,” Tiger rolled her eyes.

Josh glanced at Liv and then back at Jeri. “Bullshit.” He mumbled.

“Is it?” Jeri asked, looking up at him with pleading eyes. Liv’s blood boiled. She was trying to manipulate him. She saw Josh’s expression change, starting to question. “What do you really know about Tiger and this so-called Resistance?”

“A lot. The game had a very detailed backstory.” Josh said.

“Yeah, story. Let me lay some truth on you. I was born and raised in Montclair, New Jersey, my parents are kind of lax Christians, my brother is an out and proud gay man and professional robosurfer. It’s a thing, it’s cool. There’s no crime, pollution and population are under control, humanity has been perfected. It’s utopia, save for these nut jobs who are trying to tear it all down.” Jeri explained.

“Utopia? Really?” Tiger scoffed. “Is utopia forcing everyone to get a cure? Shoving needles up our butts?”

“Arm!” Jeri corrected her and rolled her eyes. She looked up between Liv and Josh. “The needle goes in your arm.”

“Creating monsters?” Tiger continued. “Hunting down and killing anyone who doesn’t comply?”

“We only started hunting you down because you started blowing up our hospitals.” Jeri glared at Tiger. Liv shook her head, looking at Tiger and praying that wasn’t true.

“Hospitals?!” Josh exclaimed.

Tiger shook her head. “She means super cute injection sites.”

“No. I mean hospitals. Doctors, patients who simply just need their tonsils out.” Jeri looked up at Josh with those sad puppy dog eyes again. “Look at me? Do I look like a monster to you?”

Liv immediately picked up on Jeri’s little game and nudged Josh’s arm as she saw him start to fold again. Josh looked at Liv with panicked eyes and she shook her head. “I-I don’t know! I’m really confused right now.”

“Don’t listen to her, she’s programmed to deceive.” Tiger spoke up. “We don’t have time for this bullshit!”

“Hey, it’s not her fault, she’s been brainwashed her whole life.” Jeri said softly.

“I-I mean the gaps in their knowledge is astonishing.” Josh admitted.

“Yeah, that’s because they live in the sewers and call books burn bricks.” Jeri said, eyeing Tiger.

“Can’t you see she’s pulling a Badger? Turning tables, creating doubt and being very annoying?” Tiger asked Josh. Liv didn’t know what she meant, but that’s exactly what was happening, but Josh seemed to be slowly falling for it, and that worried her.

“He wasn’t saying very nice things about you an hour ago.” Jeri said to Tiger. “‘She’s used me’. ‘She’s endangered my life’. ‘With any luck she’ll be gone gone soon, like really, really far away forever.’” Jeri directly quoted Josh. Josh gave her a disturbed look. “We have perfect memories.”

Tiger folded her arms. “What are you talking about? You don’t even know each other.”

“Is that what he told you?” Jeri said quietly.

“I mean, I don’t really know you.” Josh shrugged.

“Oh yeah? Like when we kissed? Didn’t it feel kinda like we knew each other then?” Jeri asked. Liv drew in a shaky breath through her nose. She wanted to snap Jeri’s neck. Jeri’s eyes fixated on Liv, noticing the way she tensed and the way her eyebrow twitched.

Josh glanced at Liv who looked like she was about to explode and Tiger who looked disgusted. “In all fairness, I didn’t know she was a Biotic when I was kissing her.”

Tiger gagged. “You rat holed to rat holed her? …Well…I’m gonna puke.” She drew in a sharp breath. “I’m done doing this the nice way. You,” she pointed aggressively at Jeri. “Are getting a scorpion up your snatch.” She started to storm out of the room.

“Woah, Tiger, isn’t there some kind of middle ground there?” Josh asked with wide eyes.

“Nope, scorp in the snatch.” Tiger said, exiting the room. Josh looked at Liv.

“Give me a sec. Stay here and watch her.” He muttered to her as he followed Tiger out of the room. As soon as the door closed, Jeri spoke.

“You like him.”

Liv whipped her head around and scoffed. “What?”

“Josh. You like him.”

“And he liked you. A lot. And now you’re breaking his heart.” Liv snapped.

“Is that why you don’t believe me? Is it because you want a reason to hate me? Is it because I kissed Josh that you refuse to listen to me?” Jeri asked.

“It’s because you called me your fucking friend and then stabbed us in the back, Jeri.” Liv cried. “If you weren’t a fucking Biotic, I would have stepped back and let you and Josh kiss and date and all that shit. Would it have made me happy? No! But Josh is my best friend and I love him. I want what’s best for him, and I don’t appreciate you trying to give him these sad puppy dog eyes that confuse him! I don’t believe you because I can see through your sad little eyes and see that you’re a perf!”

“They’re getting to you.” Jeri said simply.

“Did you ever really like him? Or were you just stringing him along?” Liv asked, body trembling with adrenaline.

“Liv-“

“Answer my question.” Liv demanded. Jeri looked shocked. “You asked if there was anything romantic between us. You acted like you liked him. Did you ever actually?”

Jeri sighed. “How could you not like Josh? He wasn’t supposed to get wrapped in all this, and neither were you. Especially not you.”

Liv leaned down and got in Jeri’s face. “Do you realize how badly you’re breaking his heart right now?”

“Why does it matter to you, you can be the shoulder he cries on.”

“No! Okay? I don’t want to risk the friendship we have just because I have feelings for him. And I don’t want to make it a whole thing, this isn’t high school.” Liv had to walk away from Jeri. “I really thought we were friends.”

“Liv, we were! We are!”

“No. Not anymore.”

Josh came back, grumbling.

“Where’s Tiger?”

“I dunno, but she threatened to ‘neuter me’ if I kept following her.” Josh mumbled. “Will you go downstairs and be with Wolf?” He asked her quietly. Liv sighed and nodded. She shot Jeri a glare and left the room.

“None of this makes sense.” Josh groaned as he ran his hands down his face.

“I know, it’s a lot to process.” Jeri said.

“I really, really thought you liked me.” Josh said.

“Oh…that? Sorry, uh,” Jeri was thrown off.

“What, so none of it was real?” Josh asked. Jeri furrowed her brows realizing her and Liv had just had this exact conversation.

“Josh, I was sent to protect the man who saves humanity from itself. I’m a soldier.”

“Okay, but when we kissed, you didn’t feel anything?” Josh asked.

“I was trying to decide if I thought an attack was imminent.”

“…So your eyes were open and shit?!” Josh cried.

“Yes Josh, my eyes were open and shit!” Jeri said. “Josh, in case you haven’t noticed, there’s something much bigger going on here. Everyone in this house is in danger.”

“I just…really liked you. And I thought you liked me.” Josh said sadly, slumping down into a chair. “We were really vibing in the file room.”

Jeri rolled her eyes. “Seriously? We’re still on this? Talking about our feelings? God, you and Liv.” She gave an exasperated sigh. Josh didn’t think much about what she’d said.

“Why would you like my instagram posts if you didn’t even like me?” He was still going off.

Outside, Liv was making her way down the stairs when Tiger almost bowled her over holding a jar with scorpion and Baby Wallace’s baby carrier.

“Tiger!” Liv looked at the baby carrier. “Josh told me not to trust you with babies because he had to teach you about kidnapping.”

“I’m gonna tell Shoe Neck up there that this is Kronish.” Tiger said in a hushed tone. “I’m gonna tell her if she doesn’t give us the location of her TTD that I’m gonna blow the kid up.”

“TIGER!”

“I won’t really.” Tiger rolled her eyes. “Do you seriously think I would kill a baby?”

Liv stared at her. “Yes?!”

Tiger realized what she’d said and slowly nodded in agreement. “I…don’t know why I said that. Let’s go, Shoe Neck needs to fucking talk and I think this might get it outta her.” Tiger brushed past Liv and continued up the stairs. “Come on, Liv.”

“Josh told me to go check on Wolf-“

“He’s with Gabe and Diane, he’s fine,” Tiger looked down over her shoulder with a sinister grin. “You’re gonna wanna see this, it’s gonna be fuckin’ awesome.” Liv followed Tiger back up the stairs and into Josh’s room.

“I’ve got a nice surprise for you, Jeri.” Tiger said, setting the baby carrier in front of her. “See him? That’s little baby Kronish.” Jeri blinked at her in disbelief. Josh made the same face. “If you don’t start talking, he’s about to go kablooey.” Tiger grabbed the biggest fucking gun Liv had ever seen in real life.

“Tiger.” Josh was trying his best to stay calm. “I don’t like where this is going.” Liv tried to discreetly and telepathically tell him Tiger wasn’t actually going to do it, but he wasn’t looking at her.

“You’re bluffing.” Jeri said, an edge of worry was in her voice. “Your TTD is broken, why else would you be asking so many questions about ours?”

“Maybe.” Tiger kept a straight face. “Maybe not. But, you know, when I fuck your future straight up the ass, you’ll be so glad that you held out.”

“Tiger, I really don’t like this.” Josh said again. Liv stared at him harder.

“You’re telling me that you went back to the 40s to kidnap Kronish as a baby and you brought him back here to prove it to me? That’s crazy.” Jeri shook her head.

“Is it? What do you know about time travel? Multiverses, alternate realities, time loops?” Liv realized that Tiger was quoting her from the other day.

“Uh, everything? That’s like the first knowledge pill they put in our womb fluid.” Jeri scoffed.

“Well, pod scum,” Tiger loaded the gun while making unwavering eye contact with Jeri. “Then you know that all of this makes to fucking sense and that there is absolutely no logic to it. So, it’s entirely possible that he is Elias Kronish. And you know what happens if I pull the trigger.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you to kill a baby.” Jeri never broke eye contact with Tiger.

“Tiger! You’re freaking me out!” Josh was starting to lose it. Liv discreetly shook her head at him.

“You should be freaked out.” Jeri said calmly. “She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t have connections to anything or anyone.”

Tiger’s jaw clenched. “Give me the whereabouts of your TTD, or little Kronish here will get blown up.” Tiger started up the weapon as she aimed it at Wallace. Tiger was taking it too far, Liv didn’t know what to do. She heard the gun warm up to send a blast right into the baby. “We won’t be stranded here.”

Josh threw his body down in front of the baby carrier. “Tiger, stop! This isn’t Kronish, it’s- it’s baby Wallace, the neighbor’s baby. He’s innocent, he’s innocent!”

Just then, a very drunk Uncle Barry came barging into the room. He looked around to see Jeri tied up with a shoe in her neck, Josh defensively laying in front of little baby Wallace who was cooing and kicking his feet, Tiger aiming a giant ass gun at baby Wallace, and Liv standing next to the door with giant eyes, slowly putting her hand over her mouth.

“Well,” Barry just looked around. “Seems like everyone is having fun but old Uncle Barry.”

Liv, Josh, and Tiger all slowly made eye contact. “Out.” Josh demanded. Liv led Barry by the elbow out of the room while Josh scooped up baby Wallace and Tiger set down her gun and picked up the baby carrier with an angry sigh. Tiger spun around and gave Jeri the “I’m watching you” motion as she walked out of the room.

Uncle Barry stayed behind the three as he stared at the pictures on the walls. Josh lightly rocked baby Wallace as he glared at Tiger. “You took it too far, Tiger.”

“I’m just getting started Josh.” Tiger glared back at him.

“Tiger, I had to explain to you what a baby was four days ago. You clearly don’t understand how important he is to his parents and how fragile he is.” He turned to Liv. “Can you take him?”

As Liv took Wallace from Josh’s arms she thought, Woah, this is so domestic of us. She caught herself and stared straight ahead as her cheeks got hot. It was not the time nor the place to be thinking about that. She glanced over at Josh as him and Tiger argued. The way he’d rolled his dress shirt sleeves up to his elbows and the way he’d been holding baby Wallace- she tore her eyes away and blinked a couple times. Oh fuck.

“Liv.” Josh repeated himself. “Hello?” He sounded frustrated.

“Sorry…what?”

“Take Wallace downstairs to his parents please. I’m going to have a go at Jeri.”

“Okay. Are you sure you want to do that?”

“We’ve got 6 minutes, I think I know how to get it out of her.” Josh took a deep breath nervously. Tiger sensed a sentimental moment was incoming and gave an annoyed huff, pushing past both of them to drag Barry downstairs.

“That used to be my room. Nothing like that happened when I lived there.” Barry said to Tiger as she pulled him downstairs. She gave him a famous Tiger eye roll.

“Josh,” Liv said as she laid Wallace in his baby carrier, sensing his anxiousness. “You don’t have to do it alone. I can be in there with you.”

“Thank you Liv, but I have a plan. And I know you’re squeamish, I don’t want you to see her head explode.” God, he was so sweet. He saw her face soften and pulled her into a hug. Liv hugged him back tightly.

“Good luck.” She whispered. She knew this would be hard for him, but she picked up the baby carrier and he gave her a small smile before disappearing into his room. Liv carried Wallace down the stairs and into the kitchen, being greeted by Tiger’s voice.

“So, so you’ve found family members through this…tracking system?” Tiger asked, trying to mask her interest in whatever they were talking about.

“Yes!” Melinda Seneca said, handing Tiger a DNA test box that her husband was talking about earlier. She saw Liv with Wallace and gave her a questioning look.

“I, uh, heard him start to get fussy and thought I might bring him out here.” Liv said. Melinda gave her a thankful smile as she took the carrier from Liv.

“Corey! You’re back!” Diane greeted Wolf as he appeared back into the kitchen with a dazed smile.

“Have you guys ever had one of these blowjob things?” Wolf asked, creating awkward silence throughout the kitchen. Liv couldn’t fake laugh her way out of this one. Tiger looked confused and frustrated with Wolf while Liv looked over at him and refrained from screaming. Barry took a giant swig from a wine bottle.

Wanda waltzed back into the kitchen after Wolf. “What did I miss?”

“Oh! I was just telling them about what you were just doing to my penis in the bathroom!” Wolf said happily. Tiger’s face quickly turned into a mix of disturbed, disgusted, and pissed.

Wanda looked surprised about Wolf’s transparency. “Oh!” She looked at Gabe and Diane who both looked uncomfortable and shocked. “You’re gonna wanna wash those hand towels.”

Tiger looked about ready to kill Wolf. “Melinda! Can you please explain these DNA kits to me? I missed it and was thinking about doing one!” Liv asked loudly, trying to distract everyone in some way.

Meanwhile upstairs, Josh was sitting across from Jeri.

“You’re a good man Josh, there’s still time to-“

“Joshy?” Diane knocked on his door again.

Josh tensed and jumped to his feet. “Jesus fucking Christ, mom, I’m gonna kill you!” He stormed to his door and squeezed his way through, wondering why Liv hadn’t stopped her (Liv was downstairs realizing she’d opened a can of worms by asking Melinda to explain the DNA tests to her and hadn’t seen Diane leave). “You need to give me space, okay? I’m not a baby.”

“Well, I know-“

“And I don’t need your check ups or your sweets.” Josh said, referring to the plate of danishes Diane had brought with her.

“It’s just you’ve been up here the whole time and everyone else is downstairs.” Diane said sweetly.

“Mom…I have been up here for 18 minutes and 30 seconds tops and I don’t care what everyone else is doing. Please. Leave me alone.” He gave an exasperated sigh as he squeezed back through his door and into his room, leaving Diane confused.

“Oh my God,” Jeri commented. “You should give her a break.”

“Give me a break Jeri, okay?” Josh waved his hand as if to brush her comment off.

“They’re changing you.” Jeri said. “Did you talk to your mother like that a week ago? Is this who you’re becoming?” Josh closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. He was changing. “You can still walk away from all of this.”

Josh sighed. “…I just jumped right in with two feet. It felt so good to be a part of something.”

“And you still can be.” Jeri said, looking at him encouragingly.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut. “Alright. Tell me what to do.”

“Hm?”

“I want out.” Josh said. “I want out and I want to get Liv out too.”

Jeri breathed out a sigh of relief. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Josh squeezed his eyes shut again. “Then why do I feel so shitty?”

“Being the hero doesn’t always feel heroic?” Jeri shrugged.

Josh scoffed. “Yeah. Sounds like the tagline to my life. Meet Josh Futturman! He doesn’t get the girl and he betrays his friends! Sometimes it takes a loser to win!” Josh said in a mock announcer voice.

“If it helps, I couldn’t give Tiger what she wanted anyways. We don’t even have time machines.” Jeri admitted.

Josh raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? How’d you get here then?”

“We…jump in. It’s a one way ticket. I mean, do you have any idea how risky it is to bring future tech into the past?”

Josh sat on his bed. “Duh, time travel 101…so without any Cameronium they’re stuck here no matter what?”

“Considering that Cameronium isn’t a thing for another 6 years, then, yeah.” Jeri said.

“What happens in 6 years?”

Jeri grinned and sang a tune that sounded like something she’s learned in school. “In 2023 James Cameron dove beneath the sea…”

Josh was shocked. “James Cameron? Like the director James Cameron?!”

“Sir James Cameron, father of modern science.” Jeri grinned even wider at Josh’s excited reaction.

“Shut up!” Josh said, growing more and more shocked. “Cameronium is named after James Cameron?!” Jeri nodded. “Is it ‘cause he’s got, like, a hard on for cool underwater shit?”

“In 2023, James Cameron pilots a submersible to the deepest depths of the sea and discovers a phosphorescent microorganism he thinks looks cool. It sits in his home lab for about 10 years before anyone knows what it is, and…yeah…” Jeri explained.

“Of course, Cameronium.” Josh got up and paced around. “So…you’ve been stuck here waiting for shit to go down for three years being Stu’s assistant?” He took a seat again, this time on a chair he’d covered in bed sheets.

“Yeah,” Jeri chuckled. “Pretty crazy, huh? The things you do for the cause.”

Josh laid in the chair, swinging his legs over the armrest. “Like what? Pretending to like me?”

“You know what? That part wasn’t that hard.” Jeri said. Josh blushed and looked away from her, staring up at the ceiling.

“I mean, every guy I’ve ever been attracted to has been perfect, like genetically and intellectually. They’re basically flawless…and then I met you.” She said, looking at him with a sweet smile. Josh turned his head to look at her again.

“…okay…”

“No, no! And I liked it! You’re- you’re just so different, you’re so flawed but funny, and genuine.” A small smile spread over Josh’s lips as she talked. “I had butterflies in my stomach before we kissed! I thought those had been engineered out of me! …And I did it because I really wanted to. Not because I had to.”

Josh grinned at her. “I knew it. I knew you liked me.”

Jeri laughed lightly and shrugged. “I mean, I would have made it more obvious earlier, but, I dunno, you were always hanging around Liv and-“

Josh laughed. “Yeah, people always seem to think there’s something between us-“

“That’s probably because she likes you.”

Josh’s laughter caught in his throat. He blinked, brain malfunctioning. “…what?”

Jeri shrugged again, chuckling lightly. “Oh, I thought you knew. It’s pretty obvious. I honestly thought you guys were dating, or like, friends with benefits until yesterday because I asked her. And today she wouldn’t stop talking about how I was breaking your heart and I should-“

Josh blinked a couple more times, taking in what he’d just heard. “She told you she liked me?”

Jeri shook her head. “Actually, I told her she liked you. And she started yelling at me- you know, I’ve never heard her yell. She’s such a sweetheart, I didn’t think she had it in her. She and I really got along, I really liked being her friend and I’m really gonna miss-“

Josh slowly rose to his feet as she rambled, realizing he only had about a minute and a half left before she exploded. He shook his head, not letting what Jeri said get to him.

“You know what Jeri, I’m glad you didn’t initiate anything sooner.” Josh interrupted her. “It allowed me to play the sad-sack, wounded little bird who you’d tell everything to.” Jeri’s face fell. “You were so caught up in my feelings Jer, you kinda let your guard down. We do have a TTD. And we’re not out of Cameronium. You just told me when, where, and how to get more. As fucked up as Tiger and Wolf are, they never lied to me and Liv about who they are. And your little pod person society? Well, that’s just fuckin’ scary.” Jeri swore under her breath as he said this. “I also don’t appreciate you trying to get in my head like that, Liv is just my friend.” Josh narrowed his eyes at her and leaned down to her level. “We’re fighting for their future, not yours. So why don’t you contemplate that for the next thirty se-“

Hot blood splattered all over Josh’s face and the bed sheets he’d used to cover his room as Jeri’s head exploded. Josh squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like he got sprayed in the face by a hose spraying hot water. He opened his eyes wide with horror as he looked at the headless body that sat in front of him.

“Okay,” Liv squeezed back into the room with Tiger following her. “We need to- OH MY GOD.” Josh slowly turned around, shell shocked.

“Oh, would you look at that?” Tiger looked around the room calmly. “Did you get everything we needed?” Josh slowly nodded. Liv looked like she was about to vomit. Tiger smirked. “Guess she won’t be playing any head games with us anytime soon.” Liv shook her head as Josh just looked traumatized. “…okay, too soon.”

“This is Lamar Price saying, your time is up Josh Futter-man.” Josh’s timer went off.

“What the fuck Tiger,” Josh said weakly. “She exploded early.”

“Oh yeah, gamma protocol. It’s always like give or take a minute.” Tiger shrugged, putting her hands on her hips and surveying the bloody mess.

“Liv! Tiger! Josh! We’re gonna take a picture down here!” Gabe called from downstairs. “Bring Jeri if she’s up for it!” Jeri’s headless body tipped over, crashing to the floor. Josh looked like he might cry.

“Be right there!” Liv called down for him.

“…I know how to get more Cameronium.” Josh managed to say, gulping and realizing he’d been holding his breath. Tiger perked up. “We’ll need to leave soon. And fast. Just…give me a minute.”

Liv was about to go and comfort him when Tiger grabbed her shoulder and motioned for her to leave him be. “We’ll go downstairs and distract Gabe and Diane…you’ve got…” Tiger motioned to her face.

“Yeah, I know.” Josh pulled a chunk of something off of his face.

“Oh, and your uncle pulled a gun on us, but we’re fine.” Tiger said as she pulled Liv out of the room. Josh stared at the wall for a few moments before scuffing his shoe against the floor. Liv popped back into the room, scaring him.

“Jesus, I thought you were my mom.” He placed a hand over his heart.

“I bought you a couple minutes. I also told them Jeri actually left. Your mom is worried you’re sad so she sent me back up to comfort you.” Liv whispered. Josh shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Do I need to clean blood off your face again?” She tried to tease light heartedly, but Jeri’s corpse was kind of ruining it.

“…do you think you can buy me enough time to shower?” Josh muttered.

“You got it,” Liv started to leave.

“Hey Liv?” Liv’s face appeared back in the doorway. Jeri’s words rang through his head. Probably because she likes you. No, that wasn’t true. “Thanks.” He said, dropping his eyes down to the ground.

“No problem. I’ll get Tiger and Wolf in here to clean up.” Liv said with a gentle smile. “I’ll go buy you some time.”

Downstairs, they took a picture without Josh. The Senecas left and Wanda offered to drive Barry home.

“If you guys go upstairs and start to clean up Josh’s room I’ll stall Gabe and Diane.” Liv whispered to Wolf. Wolf nodded. “And if you see Josh, don’t bring up Jeri.”

“Fine. But I really wanna know what he did to get it all outta her.” Wolf whispered back.

“Later. He’s fucking traumatized- hey Diane! Can I help you with that?” Liv ran off to help Diane clean up dishes. Wolf and Tiger slinked up the stairs to Josh’s room.

“Oh! Thank you, Liv! Such a sweetheart!” Diane thanked her as Liv started collecting champagne glasses. “It’s such a shame that Jeri left. Did Josh seem really sad?”

“…Yeah…” her mind flashed to Josh’s blood covered face and the way he looked like he might’ve cried. “Yeah, he seemed really sad.”

Diane shook her head. “Oh, I’ll have to go give him a big hug later. Is he still in the shower?”

“Probably.” She shrugged and tensed up as she saw Tiger come sneaking down the stairs carrying a bundle of bloody sheets out to the van. “But! Diane!” She tried to keep Diane from looking that way. “I have to tell you about the Kronish Ball!”

“Oh yes!” Gabe looked up from the sink where he was washing dishes. “Tell us all about it Liv!”

“It went so well!” Liv lied. Liv heard a thud from upstairs and covered it up by fake laughing. “And I have to tell you about Kronish’s funny speech!”

Upstairs, Josh came out of the bathroom to see Tiger and Wolf quietly moving Jeri’s body out of his room. His heart dropped all over again. Wolf grabbed Josh’s bundle of bloody clothes from his hands.

“We’ll deal with this later.” He whispered, putting the clothes on Jeri’s corpse. Josh shuffled back into his room to find that surprisingly, Tiger and Wolf had done a pretty good job of cleaning. That or he’d done a really good job of covering everything with sheets.

“You okay?” He jumped, turning around to see Liv. “Sorry! I just came to tell you your parents went into their room and I think they’re going to bed.”

“Okay, thanks Liv.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“That’s okay. Do you need anything?”

“No.”

“Okay. What’s the plan now?”

“We’re going to James Cameron’s house.”

“…the director?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God…Cameronium.” Liv put the pieces together. Josh gave a grim smile and nodded.

“Do you…want to change your clothes?” Josh asked, pointing to her dress.

“Oh, um, no that’s okay, I don’t have anything to change into. I didn’t bring anything this time.”

“You can wear something of mine.” Josh said without thinking. He’d realized what he’d said when he saw Liv’s face turn bright red. Probably because she likes you echoed through his brain. He brushed away the thought.

“O-oh…” Liv played with her fingers. “That’s okay…”

“Liv, just take a sweatshirt or something.” Josh said, walking to his closet and pulling out a black sweatshirt and sweatpants and throwing them at her. “Do you need some shoes too?”

“No.” She squeaked. “Thanks.” She turned on her heel and went silently to the bathroom. Josh caught himself as a small, endearing smile crossed his face. The door swung open to reveal Wolf and Tiger.

“We’re ready when you guys are.”

[heydorothea009]

Hey again to the three Bread on Toast fans!! I made this Future Man/Bread on Toast playlist with the songs mentioned/in the show if you have Spotify!! The gorgeous art on the cover was done by my best friend Alyx (I know she’d want credit for that too). I’m glad you guys are enjoying it so far!! It’s about to get crazy :p you guys rule <3

[heydorothea009]

He’s such a dork (I need to put him in a jar and shake him around)

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, mentions of throwing up (not in detail), fighting, mentions of violence

Chapter 4: Justice Desserts

When they finally got back to Josh’s house it was dark and his parents were definitely home. Liv’s car was still in the driveway, which probably looked super weird to his parents. It was a good idea earlier that day when they decided not to take it just in case something illegal happened while they were on their mission, but now Josh’s parents were confused as fuck. Josh had missed 8 calls from his mom and 6 from his dad and his mom had even left a voice mail that went,

“Joshy, hey sweetie, I was wondering why Liv’s car is here but neither of you are? I know you’re 23, but I was just curious. Okay, I love you! Bye!”

“Shit…my family’s home.” Josh muttered as they slowly approached his house. “We can’t just go inside.”

“Sure we can, just climb through your bedroom window like last time.” Wolf said.

“How about we just go back into your little sewer lair or whatever.” Liv suggested. While the sewers were disgusting, at least it was more discreet than planning a mission in Josh’s bedroom. Climbing into the sewer made Josh paranoid because he was worried about a couple things: 1- what if his parents saw and put him in a mental institution for looking insane, 2 - what if a giant mutant spider got him, and 3 - what if the ladder was wet and he slipped and fell and died? Thankfully, none of those things happened as they all made it down into their new designated secret lair. Maybe they really were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

“I’ll tell you that right now, it’ll be hard to separate humans from Biotics.” Tiger said, beginning to pace around as she formulated a plan in her head.

Wolf was already starting to make it look like a lair, he’d already hung weapons on the walls and from the ceiling and was setting up some sort of torture chamber for when they caught a Biotic. “I could go Call of Zion on them. It’ll be messy, but it could work?” Wolf suggested.

“Can you two get everyone you work with in one room so we can flood it?” Tiger asked seriously.

“No, we can’t do that.” Josh said.

“Hm, can’t or won’t?” Tiger put her hands on her hips.

Josh scoffed. “I dunno, both? I thought that point was to catch a Biotic alive and get them to tell us where we can find their TTD?”

“Yeah, so we have to weed out the humans from the Biotics, humans are weaker so they die first. The Biotics will be left standing and then you can,” Wolf drew a line across his neck. “Take ‘em all out except for one. Then the torture starts.” He looked excited.

“Isn’t there a way we can do this without killing people? Like a light, non-lethal dosage of poison?” Liv suggested.

“Biotics are immune to poison,” Tiger said, thinking it through. “I mean, we could gas the vents, but I don’t know, that’s too risky.”

“Ingestibles are safer.” Wolf said. “This place is thick with sewer mushrooms,” he looked around as he pulled on a chain he’d been setting up, making sure it would hold. “A couple seconds after eating one of those and you’ll puke and shit yourself and wake up with little to no memory of what happened. Learned that the hard way twice…I think.”

Tiger grabbed a chain that was dangling from the ceiling and started to loop it around a metal chair they must have found out on the street, they looked like they were making a homemade electric chair. “I dunno, too many variables, it would work if they were all in the same place at the same time eating the same thing.”

Liv looked at Josh and shook his arm as it dawned on her. “Josh! The Kronish Ball!” She exclaimed.

Josh lit up. “Oh my God, Liv you’re a genius! Guys, our company party is this weekend. Everyone gets dressed up, there’s an open bar and tons of food and the best part is that at the end, Kronish gives this big speech and it ends with everyone eating a Kronish ball. They’re like little chocolate truffle balls.” He explained.

“And they’re delicious.” Liv added.

“That’s stupid, even for the standards of this time.” Tiger immediately shut them down.

“No, Tiger, the entire company has to be there.” Liv explained.

“Yeah, so if there are anymore Biotics hiding in the lab they’ll have to be there.” Josh said. Wolf and Tiger looked at each other. “If one of us can get the recipe for the Kronish Balls, do you think we could make a poisoned version and then swap it in?”

Wolf nodded his head. “It’s doable.”

“Wolf, you seem to know about poison, what do you know about cooking?” Josh asked.

“Remove the hair, eat the meat.” Wolf stated.

“Okay, that’s a start,” Josh looked at Liv and shrugged. “Tiger, you can go undercover as my date.” Tiger made a face. “A partner.” She blinked at him. “A mate?” She rolled her eyes.

“Fine. I’ll be your fucking date.” She grumbled. Josh looked at Liv.

“You can be Wolf’s date since you seem to be his best friend.” He said quietly to her. Liv sighed and nodded. In an ideal world, she would have the balls to have already asked Josh to the Kronish Ball, but, this wasn’t an ideal world. Every year they would go and meet up at the party, but then Josh would just wistfully stare at Jeri and talk about how he wished that he were brave enough to talk to her. This would be the first year either of them brought dates.

“If they’re gonna fit in, then we’ve got a lot of work to do.” Liv whispered to him, pointing to Tiger and Wolf subtly. Wolf had found a plunger and was making noises into it, thoroughly entertained by how it made his voice sound echoey. Tiger shot a snot rocket out of her nose, making Liv and Josh both wince.

“I gotta even it out.” She mumbled as she blew one out the other nostril. Josh scooted away from her and nodded.

“Tomorrow I’ll introduce them to my parents and come up with some kind of lie so they don’t think they’re crazy. Come over a little earlier tomorrow, ‘kay?” He said quietly to Liv. She nodded.

“What about my car, how will you explain that?” She asked.

“Uh…shit, I’ll come up with something.” Josh and Liv left Tiger and Wolf to set up their torture chamber, ordering them to stay in one spot for the night. Josh snuck Liv up his driveway and into her car. As Liv drove away unnoticed by Josh’s parents, she wondered how Josh could possibly come up with a lie believable enough that Josh’s parents wouldn’t think Tiger and Wolf were insane.

The next morning Liv knocked on the Futturman’s door. Diane Futturman opened the door and her whole face lit up. “Liv! Oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you! Did you have fun at the movie last night?” Diane asked, hugging Liv tightly.

She was caught off guard “Yes!” She answered as enthusiastically as she could, reciprocating the hug. “It was…a movie!”

“Liv!” Gabe Futturman walked into the living room. “Congratulations on deciding to get places on foot from now on! You sure are stronger than I, that’s for sure.” He greeted her.

Liv laughed awkwardly. “Thank you, Gabe?” Her car was in the driveway, she hadn’t walked there on foot…and then it hit her. That must have been the lie Josh had come up with. She should have never trusted him to come up with the lie, it should have been her.

“Joshy, Tiger, Corey, Liv’s here!” Diane called into the kitchen. “You’ve met Tiger and Corey right? How crazy is it that they were in Afghanistan?”

Before Liv could answer, Josh came around the corner. “Liv! My partner for this program!” He announced unnaturally. “Aren’t you so excited to be partners for the job training project at Kronish Labs?”

“You’re so bad at this.” Liv whispered to him as he went in for the world’s most awkward hug.

“Shut up, Liv.” Josh whispered. Wolf and Tiger sauntered around the corner.

“Liv, it’s so sweet of you to help Joshy with this program.” Diane said. “And tell me, what made you decide to start walking everywhere?”

Liv shot Josh a look as he looked down at the ground, pretending not to be paying attention. “You know, I have no idea. But I did just barely decided not to do it anymore.” She said, staring daggers into Josh the whole time.

“Well! We’d better get on our way to work!” Josh interrupted before his parents could ask more questions. “Those toilets aren’t gonna plunge themselves.”

“Well, hope you can stay longer next time, Liv!” Diane gave Liv another hug. “Bye Joshy,” Josh gave both of his parents hugs.

“Goodbye Liv, Josh.” Tiger nodded at them formally. Wolf also nodded at them. As soon as the front door closed behind them, Liv scolded Josh as they walked to her car.

“You told them I walk everywhere now?! Josh, you terrible liar, my car was in your driveway?”

“Well, you don’t anymore! I told my parents we walked to a movie theater last night, okay? They asked why and that’s what I told them.” Josh defended himself. “And by the way, Wolf and Tiger are now refugees from Afghanistan who were in the war.”

“I heard,” Liv and Josh got into her car. “So, are we just trusting Tiger and Wolf to be alone in your house with your parents?”

“I told my dad that Wolf was on the committee for making the Kronish balls and wanted to learn some things about cooking.” Josh explained as Liv pulled out of his driveway. Gabe was an amazing cook, so if anyone could teach Wolf how to cook, it was him. “And my mom is so excited to have some ‘girl time’ with Tiger.”

“Damn, I kinda wish I could be there to see that. So what’s your plan to get the Kronish ball recipe?”

“I was thinking I would go and ask Kronish.”

“Going straight to the man himself, I like it.” Liv said as she flipped on her blinker.

“Is it weird that I’m nervous to go to work?” Josh asked.

“No, because I am too, especially because anyone we work with could be a Biotic.”

Two days really wasn’t a lot of time. Josh realized that as he exited Kronish’s office, panicking. Kronish broke the news to him that the Kronish balls wouldn’t be making an appearance at the Kronish Ball due to Dr. Camillo being severely pissed off at him for giving away their research.

Meanwhile, Liv meandered past Jeri’s empty desk, hoping to snag another mini candy cane when she saw Josh leaving Kronish’s office. His face told her everything she needed to know. He had bad news.

“Hey you two!” Jeri greeted them as she came back to her desk. “I’m so glad to see you! I was worried you two had quit without notice like two people did yesterday.”

Liv and Josh exchanged glances. “Uh- uh, who quit?” Josh asked.

“Carl,”

“Oh no, not Carl!” Liv acted as though she didn’t know.

“And Janis from accounting.” A flash of Janis “Pretty Smile Girl” from accounting having her arm axed off crossed both Josh and Liv’s minds.

“Oh…I don’t think I knew her…” Josh side-eyed Liv.

“Yeah, don’t think I met her, but oh no! That’s so sad!” Liv awkwardly shuffled her feet.

“You also missed a whole day of Camillo yelling at Kronish,” Jeri said, pulling up a video on her Blapple phone. “I caught some of it on video.” She turned her phone to Josh and Liv, showing Camillo screaming his lungs out.

“STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID MAN!!!! YOU’RE SO STUPID, STUPID-“ Camillo shrieked in the video.

“Ohhhhh,” Josh shook his head as he watched. “Kronish does not deserve that…you know, what if we tried to cheer him up?” Josh suggested.

Liv looked at him with a confused look. They didn’t have time for that. Josh noticed her face.

“I heard,” he started, trying to organically explain the situation to Liv while not sounding suspicious to Jeri. “Uh, I heard the Kronish balls are being retired this year.” Jeri nodded solemnly.

“What?!” Liv gasped. “I- I mean, because they were my favorite part.” She cleared her throat awkwardly.

“I know, me too.” Josh said. “I was thinking, Jeri, could you maybe get me the Kronish ball recipe and we can surprise Dr. Kronish by making him some!”

“Wow, that’s really thoughtful for a dude.” Jeri sounded impressed. “A real renaissance janitor.” She said to Liv, making her giggle.

“I feel like you could have said man there, but okay, I’ll take it.” Josh muttered.

Jeri gave him a small charming smile. “I’ll see what I can do about that recipe.”

Josh gave her a big flustered smile back. “Thank you!”

“I’ll email it to you tomorrow, man.” She teased.

“Thanks, girl.” Josh teased back.

“Woman.” Jeri and Liv both corrected him, before turning to each other and laughing. Josh gave her an awkward thumbs up as Liv pulled him away from Jeri’s desk as he wore a flustered grin.

“Good thinking lover boy.” Liv said to him in a hushed voice as they walked down the hall.

“Shut up, Liv.” Josh rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I had a thought. What if we tried to go through Carl and that other girl’s records to see if we can find similarities between them, you know, so we can try to spot those same things in Biotics.” Liv said, pulling Josh over to a door that had an authorized personnel only sign.

“Ooh, good idea Liv!” Josh said, looking both ways to make sure no one was looking, and then scanning his badge and sneaking into the room with Liv. The room was full of shelves and cabinets that contained different files.

“Lawsuits…” Liv read as she scanned the cabinet labels. “Pending lawsuits?”

Josh walked to the end of the row of cabinets. “Aha! I found it!” He opened the cabinet and flipped through the files. “Do you remember Janis’ last name?”

“No, I didn’t even know her name this morning.” Liv said, walking over and looking over his shoulder.

“Wait, I think I found her.” He pulled out a folder with her name. He flipped through until he found Carl’s and handed it to her. “Okay, let’s see if we can spot any similarities between these two files-“

“What are you guys doing in here?” Liv and Josh gasped and spun around to see Jeri standing behind them holding a box of Christmas decorations and wearing a confused expression. Josh immediately dropped the file he was holding.

“Uh, uh, we were just talking and we both agreed that, um, we were both so sad to hear about Carl and Janis that we decided to find their addresses so we could send them a goodbye card.” Josh said nervously.

“From the Kronish Labs janitorial department.” Liv added.

“There’s only two of you.” Jeri said.

“Two people can make up a department.” Liv said, looking at Josh and laughing nervously.

“You guys really shouldn’t go through people’s files, it’s a serious invasion of privacy.” Jeri said seriously. Liv and Josh both went pale and exchanged worried glances, worried Jeri would go and tell someone.

“I’m kidding!” Jeri smiled and started laughing. “That’s really sweet you guys, can I put my name on it too?”

Josh sighed and laughed along with her. “Of course,”

“Hey, do you guys wanna take a break from work? Read some of these records?” Jeri asked, giggling. Liv glanced at Josh and saw a bit of blush covering his cheeks as he considered.

“Dr. Camillo’s emergency contact is just 911!” Josh laughed, reading through Dr. Camillo’s file. Liv, Josh, and Jeri sat on the floor each reading a file belonging to the other employees of the lab.

“Oh my God!” Liv giggled.

“Nobody loves that guy!” Jeri said in a fake sad voice but started laughing too. They’d brought snacks into the room with them, a big bag of Cheetos and even a bottle of sriracha (Josh’s request).

Jeri opened a new file. “Joshua Sasha Futturman?” She read out Josh’s full government name. Liv burst out laughing.

“Sometimes I forget that’s your full name.” She said through her giggles.

“I- it’s my grandma’s name, it’s supposed to be sentimental, just- just- give me that!” Josh tried to snatch the file away from Jeri as he blushed. Liv stopped laughing for a moment as she watched Jeri and Josh interact.

“Joshua Sasha Futturman, Joshua Sasha Futturman, Josh-“ she tried to say fast.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he laughed as he tried again to grab the file from her hand. She leaned away, laughing.

“Woah there buddy, back off or I’ll rub tree nuts on your face until you get golf ball sized hives and welts.” She quoted Josh’s file.

Liv bit the inside of her cheek as she slowly peeled her eyes away from watching Josh and Jeri. She should be proud of Josh, she knew she would be, he’d been scared to talk to Jeri for three years, and now they were acting like best friends. Josh was grinning from ear to ear. He was so happy. Liv wanted to curl into a ball and die. She stared down at the file she was holding, which was Jeri’s. Josh nudged her.

“Alright Liv, let me read Jeri’s file and see what she’s allergic to.” Liv handed him the file and tried to look like she didn’t want to snap her neck. She felt terrible for feeling so jealous.

“Jeri Elizabeth Lang…I guess that’s pretty normal.” Jeri smirked at Josh. “Medical issues…none, Allergies…none…”

“Are you having fun?” Jeri giggled.

“Aw, you’re lame.” Josh teased, nudging her. “What about Liv, let’s look at your file.” Josh grabbed hers next.

“Josh, you already know all that stuff in my file.” Liv said.

“I know, but I wanna read it. Let’s see, Liv Amelia Branson,” Josh pretended to look shocked. “Woah! That’s your name?”

She rolled her eyes, smiling. “You’re so dumb.”

“You’re lactose intolerant?” He kept pretending he was shocked. Jeri was laughing at what he was doing.

“Shut up, Joshua Sasha Futturman.” Liv shoved him.

“Alright, alright,” he laughed. “Who wants a sriracheeto?” Josh grabbed a Cheeto from the bag and put sriracha on it.

Jeri shook her head, wrinkling her nose. “Oh, gross…”

Liv reached over Josh and also took a Cheeto and snatched the sriracha bottle from his hand. “Oh Jeri, you’re missing out.”

“This is a Futturman family recipe.” Josh said before eating his creation.

“It’s the only good thing I’ve ever gotten out of being friends with him.” Liv joked, shooting Josh a sly smile.

“You know there’s a thing called hot cheetos right?” Jeri asked, smiling widely.

Josh immediately shook his head. “It’s not the same.”

Jeri laughed again. “Well, this was really fun you guys, thanks for letting me crash your janitorial department’s hang out.” She leaned over and bumped her shoulder against Josh’s. “I should probably get back to work.” She said, getting up.

“Yeah, us too.” Josh stood up after her as Liv followed. “We should probably clean these up Liv.”

“Yeah,” Liv shoved her hands in her pockets.

“I’ll see you guys later, bye.” Jeri smiled as she walked out of the room, grabbing the box of Christmas decorations she was holding earlier. As soon as Liv was sure Jeri was gone she punched Josh in the arm.

“Look at you go, lover boy.” She teased Josh, even though that interaction made her heart weep.

“Shut up, Liv.” Josh shoved her gently.

The next day Josh walked into work carrying a pair of headphones.

“What are those?” Liv asked. She didn’t noticed him carrying them on the drive to work.

“Oh, they’re for Jeri.” Josh said in a quiet and giddy voice. Of course. “Look, I made them say ‘Stu blockers’-“

“Is that seriously what you did last night?” Liv snapped , sounding meaner than she meant it. “I was hoping you had news about Wolf and Tiger and how they’re doing.”

Josh’s smile faded as he noticed the irritated look on her face. “Oh- oh yeah, they’re fine. Wolf finally knows how to measure ingredients now and Tiger is apparently going to learn to walk in heels today.”

Liv closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…I’m just really stressed about this mission, I barely slept last night.” She explained. That was half true, she’d also spent the night listening to “Hopelessly Devoted To You” by Olivia Newton-John on repeat while staring at the ceiling.

Josh quietly nodded and they got into the elevator and headed to the second floor. As they walked together down the hall, they saw Jeri looking stressed out by her desk.

“Hey Jeri, I got you something-“

“What did you guys do?” She hissed, grabbing both of their arms and pulling them into Kronish’s dark and empty office. “The police are here.”

“Why would-“

“They’re looking for Josh and Liv Pastman.” Jeri said, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at them. Liv shot Josh a dirty look, immediately recalling their little hang out at the meth lab the other day.

“Why did you use both of our real first names, stupid.” Liv swatted his arm.

“Ow! I panicked! I-“ Josh looked at Jeri, who looked slightly scared. “We’re not killers if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Liv peeked out through a crack in the door and saw an officer strutting down the hall and talking to another officer in a hushed voice. He had three scars down his cheek resembling cat whiskers. “Josh. We need to get the fuck out of here.” She whispered. Josh peeked out the crack in the door too and saw the officer walk away. Liv and Josh immediately sneakily ran out of the office, but Jeri followed them.

“Why’s a cop looking for you guys?”

“It’s complicated.” Josh said frantically as Liv pushed through some doors.

“Well can you tell me what’s going on?”

“No, we can’t.” Liv huffed.

“Josh.” Jeri grabbed his hand and stopped him. “Level with me here.” She said. Josh immediately folded.

“Look, I got mixed up in something and accidentally dragged Liv into it with me and the cops just won’t understand right now.” Josh explained, his eyes begging her to trust him. “I promise, we did nothing wrong.” Jeri looked between both of them, trying to decide if she believed Josh. “Would you please help us get out of here?”

Jeri slowly exhaled. “You better be the fun kind of fugitives.” She grabbed their hands and started to lead them down the hall when the door directly in front of them swung open. Josh and Liv dove behind the wall.

“Hello, um, Detective Skarsgaard how’s your search going?” Jeri said, trying to sound as natural as she possibly could. In front of Liv and Josh were two bins. Josh threw open one and motioned for Liv to get in. It had loads of towels stacked inside. She shoved enough aside for her to get in and quietly shut the lid, attempting to cover herself in them. It was rather cozy, the towels were even warm, they were probably fresh from the laundry. She burrowed herself further into the towels, trying to at least get comfortable.

“You failed to mention earlier that a Josh Futturman worked here.” Detective Skarsgaard said to Jeri.

“Oh….see I didn’t think of that.” Liv heard Jeri say.

“We’ve got two options for this Liv girl, Liv Branson or Olivia Turner.”

“You know, I don’t know either one of them super well.” Jeri lied.

“There was a shootout at a meth lab the other day leaving five critically wounded.” Skarsgaard’s voice sounded closer. Suddenly the lid to Liv’s hiding spot was thrown open. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that she’d covered herself well enough. She felt the bin rustle as the lid closed. Oh thank God. Liv thought to herself.

“The people I’m looking for might have something to do with it.” Skarsgaard continued to explain after shutting the lid. “They also might have something to do with the death of a cop back in 1969.” Liv furrowed her brows as she heard this, wondering what he meant. “That cop? My partner, Jorge Santiago. He left behind a widow, belly swollen with child.” Just then, Liv felt her bin rock as Skarsgaard threw open the lid of Josh’s neighboring hiding spot. She held her breath and prayed Josh’s bin wasn’t empty. She was met with silence. “What the fuck do you people do here?” Skarsgaard finally asked in a disgusted voice.

“…science.” Jeri answered.

Liv heard Skarsgaard’s footsteps walk past her hiding spot again. “I’m going to ask you again. Where is Josh Futturman and Liv Branson or Olivia Turner?”

“I don’t know.” Jeri said. “But I can tell you this, Josh and Liv couldn’t have done it, they weren’t alive in the 60s.”

“So are you saying you know it’s Liv Branson?”

“Um…no, I’m saying you asked me about someone named Liv.”

“How do you know they weren’t alive in the 60s?” Skarsgaard asked in an intimidating voice.

“I know of both of those people and they’re both in their 20s.” Jeri said, sounding as calm as she could. Liv’s heart was pounding.

“Then where is Josh Futturman?” Skarsgaard demanded.

“Again, I don’t know. But a shootout doesn’t sound like him! He’s kinda dopey…and- and charming, and harmless- but not in an unattractive way.” Jeri said, and Liv slumped down amongst the towels. Oh. Jeri liked Josh now. Great.

“I used to know a guy exactly like that. My partner, Jorge Santiago. Here’s my card. Tell your lover boy to give me a call.” Liv heard Skarsgaard’s steps get further away and then heard a door shut.

“He’s gone.” Jeri said, letting out a sigh of relief. Liv popped out of her towel bin at the same time that Josh practically erupted out of his bin all covered in possum guts, spitting and retching. Liv and Jeri both looked shocked and disgusted for a second. Josh wiped his eyes and looked at Liv.

“Yours was a TOWEL BIN?!” Josh shouted as Liv handed him a towel, only holding it by two fingers, scared she might accidentally touch his slimy possum gut hands. Josh snatched the towel away from her and wiped his face. He clambered out of the dead possum bin, still sputtering and smelling like death. “Liv, come on, let’s go.” He tried to wipe his clothes off, but just ended up smearing the guts. Jeri helped Liv and Josh sneak out of the building and into the parking lot.

“Jeri, I can’t thank you enough.” Liv said as she fumbled with her car keys.

“No problem, it’s what friends do.” Jeri said, giving Liv a small smile. Liv’s heart swelled as Jeri called her her friend. Then it sank a little, of course she was becoming friends with Josh’s little girlfriend. “Sorry you have to drive home with Mr. Dead Possum Guts over there.” Jeri whispered, watching Josh get into Liv’s car as carefully as he could and laying down some towels he’d brought with him on his seat.

“It’s okay,” Liv chuckled.

“Hey, is there, um, anything going on between you two?” Jeri asked, putting her hands in her pockets. Liv was stunned and opened her mouth to answer but couldn’t. Jeri blinked a couple times before looking at the ground as she shrugged. “I mean…like…romantically?”

“Uh, I mean, no…”

“Oh! Okay! I mean, I was just wondering because, you know, you guys seem really close,”

“Yeah, it’s…it’s platonic.” Liv said, trying to mask the sadness in her voice at the word “platonic”.

“Cool, cool. Just wondering.” Jeri said nonchalantly.

“We, uh, we should probably go, you know, since there’s…cops.” Liv said, awkwardly backing away.

“Yes! Oh yes! Go!” Jeri shooed Liv. She smiled at her again. “Bye Liv, get home safe.” Goddammit. Jeri was such a sweetheart, Liv couldn’t help but feel horrible for feeling so jealous. She never in a million years thought Josh would ever muster up the courage to ever speak to Jeri, and on top of that, she didn’t think Jeri would ever pay attention to him, he was just a janitor. Just like her. Liv got into the car and was immediately repulsed by the smell.

“Oh my fucking God.” Liv gagged.

Josh was slumped in his seat. “Shut up, Liv.” He sighed.

The drive to Josh’s was the longest drive ever because of the smell, Liv had to roll down all the windows. Neither of them spoke for a good chunk of it.

“What was Jeri saying to you?” Josh finally spoke up. Liv tensed slightly. Did she tell him? She wasn’t sure if he’d heard her get all mushy about him to Detective Skarsgaard earlier.

“Oh, she was telling me we should probably lay low for a couple of days.” Liv lied and immediately felt like a terrible friend. Josh nodded in agreement.

“Yeah…but we’re still going to the Kronish Ball tomorrow.” He said. “I doubt the cops will be there then.”

“Oh yeah, by the way, did you kill a cop in 1969?!”

“Oh for the love of God, that was Wolf!”

Liv and Josh made it back just in time for Tiger’s heel walking lessons. Josh went to take a shower after lying to his parents that Kronish let everyone off of work early as a Christmas present and he smelled like death because there was an accident at work (that part was technically true). Wolf was ecstatic that Liv was there and was so excited for her to taste his test chocolate truffle without poison.

“Oh. My. God.” Liv gasped as she bit into it. She looked at Wolf with wide eyes. “Corey, this is the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

“Really?!” Wolf grinned from ear to ear. Gabe, who was standing proudly behind Wolf beaming, gave Wolf a hug. Liv was surprised to see Wolf happily accept the hug.

“Liv, would you want to come help me and Tiger?” Diane asked, standing at the top of the stairs with Tiger sulking behind her. Liv practically shot up the stairs. This was something she had to see.

Tiger walking in heels was like watching Ariel walk for the first time as a human in The Little Mermaid.

“How is something so stupid so hard?” Tiger growled through gritted teeth as she almost broke both of her ankles.

Liv stood next to Diane, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. “Weight on your toe, not your heel. And don’t look down.” Diane instructed.

Tiger angrily kicked the heels off. “Why would you wear something that would compromise your ability to move?” She grumbled.

“They tighten your tushie!” Diane said. Tiger looked at Liv with a questioning face as she plopped down on the bed in front of Diane.

“Your butt.” Liv translated.

“Everything you’ve been telling me these past two days? Paint my face, wear colorful garb, put on those tiny fucking stilts…you’ve reduced me to nothing more than a sewer clown.” Tiger glared at Diane.

Diane sighed and looked up at Liv. Liv gave Tiger a pleading look. Diane got up and went to her closet and pulled out an elegant black dress. “Tiger, when I wear something like this I feel beautiful, and confident, and comfortable. I do it for myself, I mean, sure Gabe appreciates it,” she laid the dress out on the bed. “He actually calls it the ‘sex dress’.” Liv’s eyes widened as held back a laugh and she looked at Tiger, expecting to see her have a similar reaction, but Tiger just looked pissed off and confused, so, her usual look. “It’s actually the best way I’ve found to get him away from those whale documentaries.”

“Why? Why is it so distracting?” Tiger asked.

Diane sat back down on the edge of the bed. “Well, because he’s a man, and you know how men are.” Tiger looked at her blankly. “They think with their dicks.” Diane said, laughing a little bit. Liv snorted and started laughing too. “Well, not all men, but…” Liv gave her a look that said “are you sure?” “Actually, no yeah, it is all men.”

“So, you’re saying this dress can mind control men?” Tiger asked, picking up the dress.

“I mean, yeah, and some women. That’s besides the point. Tiger, if you don’t feel comfortable in those then who cares what anyone thinks?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Tiger snapped. “What is your fucking endgame here?”

“No, Tiger, there is no endgame. If something or someone is important to Joshy, they’re important to me, he’s family. I’m sure Liv feels the same, they’ve been best friends for years.” Diane explained.

“Yeah Tiger, we’re nice to you because we like you.” Liv said. Liv saw Tiger’s eyes soften a little before she spoke again, not wanting to let Liv know what she’d said actually meant a lot to her.

“Well, I never had a family. I had a ward leader, but he was killed trying to steal a sugar cube.” Tiger saw Liv and Diane’s eyes look sorry for her. “It was my sugar cube.”

Diane glanced at Liv and hesitated before she spoke. “Well, you’ve got family all around you here, and I am not going to let you fail!” She got up and walked around the bed, picking up the heels and turned to Tiger. “If Joshy can learn to walk in heels, then so can you.”

Liv burst out laughing. “Josh can walk in heels?” Diane gave her a huge smile as she nodded. Tiger rolled her eyes and snatched the shoes from Diane’s hands.

Somehow, later that night, Liv ended up back at Kronish Labs after hours with Josh in the passenger seat and Wolf and Tiger in the back. Josh had just told her they needed to go “check on something” without giving her any context. Probably because his parents were standing right behind them. They watched as a catering van pulled into the parking lot and two guys got out. Liv was still unsure of what they were doing.

“So why did I drive you guys here?” She asked.

“Well, we need a van to transport the balls.” Josh said.

“And we can’t just bring them in my car?”

“It’s a lot of balls, Liv.”

“We don’t need the van for the balls.”

“I want the van for the balls.” Wolf said in the backseat.

“Wolf wants the van for the balls.” Josh repeated to Liv.

“Stop saying balls.” Tiger grumbled from the backseat.

“So we’re going to steal this company’s van?” Liv asked, shocked Josh was willing to go with it.

“Wolf and Tiger promised not to kill anyone.” Josh said. Tiger huffed in annoyance.

“So let me get this straight, we’re stealing this van from this company who was kind enough to cater for our company party, we’re going to bring it back to your house and just expect your parents to not notice there’s a new car in their driveway?” Liv asked, rubbing her temples.

“We’ll just tell them that the committee let Wolf bring the van home a day early?” Josh shrugged. He saw Liv giving him a deadpan stare. “Liv! We’re trying to not drive your car around when we do illegal things, remember? The police are already looking for us, we don’t need them knowing your license plate number.”

“This is illegal, Josh!” She cried.

“They’re going inside,” Tiger said, watching the two men go inside through the delivery doors of the building. They had probably come the night before the party to start setting up. Tiger opened her door and got out of the car.

“Okay, me and Tiger will go get the van. Wolf and Liv, stay here and follow us home.” Josh said as he hurried out of the car before Liv could protest. She sat in shock as she watched Josh try to keep up with Tiger as they sprinted towards the van.

Wolf slowly leaned forward and said, “Can I sit in the front?” In Liv’s ear, startling her. She’d almost forgotten he was there.

“Jesus-“ she turned around and looked at Wolf. She heard the van start and looked over her shoulder to see Josh in the driver's seat, giving her a thumbs up as he sped away. Liv turned back to Wolf. “No.” She said and sped away after the van. Liv looked out of the rear view mirror and saw that no one came rushing out after them like she thought would happen. She still let out a frustrated sigh.

“Is something wrong?” Wolf asked from the backseat.

“I can’t believe Josh had this stupid fucking plan and brought me here to steal this fucking van because he thought it would be ‘more discreet’ or whatever the fuck. We’re going to get fucking arrested.” Liv slammed a hand on her steering wheel. There was a long pause.

“This was my idea.” Wolf said.

“What?”

“I wanted the van.” Wolf reminded her. Liv felt bad for calling Wolf’s plan stupid…but it was. And Josh was still stupid for going with it.

“Oh…well Wolf, I’m just worried that they’ll be able to find us through this company’s stolen van.” Liv said, a little more gently.

“We’ll be fine.” Wolf said.

“Wolf-“

“It’ll be fine, Liv.” Wolf grumbled. He didn’t yell at her like he would have to anyone else. “All of my plans are fucking stupid.”

“That is not true.” Liv reassured him.

“Tiger always acts like they are.” Wolf was horizontally laying in the backseat, knees pulled against his body because he was too tall to sprawl out. He was pouting.

Liv sighed. “Wolf, I’m sorry I called your plan stupid. I only said that because I thought Josh came up with it.”

Silence. She glanced in her rear view mirror to see a small smile appear on his face as he started lightly chuckling. “It would be stupid if Josh came up with it.” Liv laughed too.

When they got home, Josh got out of the car with his eyes wide. “I just stole a car.” He said to Liv, looking both surprised and proud of himself. “What an adrenaline rush!”

“Quick question, did you consider that maybe the company might come looking for their van?” Liv asked him, folding her arms. Josh’s face fell. He clearly hadn’t thought of that.

The next evening, Liv showed up at Josh’s house ready for the Kronish Ball. Considering the van was still in the driveway, it was safe to say that no one came looking for it. Gabe answered the door for Liv and broke into a giant smile upon seeing her.

“Woah! Look out, movie star coming through!” Gabe exclaimed as he let Liv into their house. “Love the dress, Liv!” She was wearing a lacy navy blue dress that she’d worn as a bridesmaid at her cousin’s wedding earlier that year. She’d curled her hair and put it in a half up half down hairstyle. She felt very pretty.

“Thank you!” She grinned.

Wolf was in the kitchen, sprinkling some sugar on the Kronish balls. He looked up and they made eye contact, immediately smiling at each other.

“Wow, Liv, that’s a fancy dress.” Wolf said with a wide smile.

“Well, thank you Wolf. That’s a fancy suit.” Liv replied.

“Thanks, it’s from Gabe.” Wolf happily rearranged some of the balls on one of the platters. Josh came down the stairs and Liv did a double take. He was wearing a suit with a black tie, something so simple but Liv thought he looked really good.

“Hey Liv! Wow!” He looked at her dress. “You look really pretty!” He said, smiling at her.

Liv could not hide the blush on her face after he’d said that. “…thanks!” She said in an abnormally high voice after realizing she was just staring at him.

“Josh, we’d better start loading up the van.” Gabe said, helping Wolf gather up some of the platters.

“Oh! Right,” Josh grabbed a platter and handed it to Liv and grabbed one himself. They made a couple trips back and forth from the house to the van. “Okay, mom! Tiger! We’d better get going or we’re gonna be late!” Josh called upstairs as he did a final sweep for anything else they needed to take with them. Diane came walking out of the bedroom holding a black shawl.

“Woah, mom, what did you do to your hair?” Josh asked. Liv walked up next to him to see Diane had dyed a streak of her hair purple just like Tiger.

“Oh, I just put a little tiger stripe in it.” She smiled. Tiger slowly walked out of the room in the elegant black dress that Diane had showed her the day before. Josh and Liv’s jaws fell on the floor. She looked sexy as fuck. “Awww, isn’t she beautiful?”

Tiger walked down the stairs slowly, scared to trip and fall in her stilettos. “Yeah, surprisingly so.” Josh said. Liv elbowed him. Diane pulled Tiger into a hug, which Tiger reluctantly accepted.

“Awww,” Liv sighed quietly while Josh impatiently tapped his foot.

“Okay, mom, we really do have to go.” Josh said. Diane let go and Tiger gave her a tight lipped smile.

“Okay, bye Joshy, bye Tiger, bye Liv- ooh Liv! I like your dress! Where’s it from?”

“Mom!”

“Oh right, sorry. Bye Corey!” Diane called outside to Wolf. The three of them loaded into the van, Josh in the driver’s seat, Liv in the passenger seat, and Wolf and Tiger left to fend for themselves in the back amongst the shelves of Kronish balls. As Josh pulled out of the driveway, Liv noticed an aux cord that had gotten left in the car. She grabbed it and connected her phone.

“Any song suggestions?” Liv asked Josh.

“Just play something.” Josh said. Liv put her “Liv&Josh” playlist on shuffle. They made the playlist when they first became friends as something they could listen to together on breaks at work. The first song that came on was “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone. “Ooh! This is a good one! Wolf you’re gonna love this one!” Josh said, cranking the volume. He pointed at Liv and sang. “Hey!”

Liv pointed back and echoed him. “Hey!”

“What’s the matter with your head, yeah!” They both sang together, dancing in their seats. Tiger watched them with a judgemental look, but Wolf was nodding his head along to the beat, copying the way Liv and Josh bounced their shoulders to the song.

“What the fuck is happening here?” Tiger asked quietly, looking confused and scared at the same time.

“COME AND GET YOUR LOVE!!!!” Liv and Josh both sang at the top of their lungs. Wolf grinned and nodded his head ecstatically to the song.

“I do like this song!” He exclaimed. Liv and Josh imitated the guitar sounds with their mouths as they sang along.

Josh and Liv sang their hearts out as Josh drove, Wolf excitedly bopped along, and Tiger had her head in hands and was massaging her temples as if she had a headache. They pulled up to the function and Wolf poked his head up to the front.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll take care of the food.” He said.

“Aw, but Wolf, you’re my date.” Liv fake whined as she unbuckled her seat belt.

“We’ll meet up, I’ve got an idea for how to sneak these in.” He said in a low voice.

Josh gave Liv a look that said “don’t ask any further questions”. “Alright, let’s go inside.” He said, motioning for Tiger and Liv to follow him. They headed inside, keeping their heads down.

“Remember, anyone who doesn’t puke is a Biotic. When the fighting starts you’ll both want to take cover. It’s hard enough to kill a perf, let alone take one alive.” Tiger reminded them quietly as they approached the party. Josh glanced at Liv with a nervous look.

“Okay.” He said in a small voice.

“I see Kronish,” Liv said quietly. “Should we go talk to him?”

“Diane trained me in the art of small talk.” Tiger said.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Josh said, waking over. “Dr. Kronish!” He greeted Kronish as they approached him and his wife.

“Oh Futturman, Branson! Good to see you two.” Kronish greeted them back.

“This is quite the party.” Liv said cheerfully.

“It’s a fucking joke.” Kronish’s wife corrected, making Liv and Josh’s smiles fade.

Kronish sighed. “Not now Marigold, please.” He muttered to her.

“Give me a drink ticket.” Marigold said softly but sternly. Kronish sighed as he handed her his drink ticket.

“Uh, Dr. Kronish, this is my date.” Josh said, gesturing to Tiger.

“Oh, hello,” Kronish held out his hand for a handshake. Tiger grabbed his hand.

“Tyra. Gerheart. Wow, what a great party. You look like you’ve lost a ton of weight.” She said in a deadpan voice, not even shaking his hand, instead she just squeezed it progressively harder.

Kronish pulled his hand away. “If that shake were any heartier, I’d have to call it a maul.” Kronish attempted to joke. Liv and Josh forced out fake laughs.

“Haha. Haha.” Tiger deadpanned, earning side eyes from Liv and Josh.

“I’ll be at the bar.” Marigold announced, walking away. Kronish sighed again.

“The wife is not happy with me about my gift I gave to the scientific community. I’ll be paying for that for, oh, ever.”

“Well, Liv and I have a surprise for you. We figured it wouldn’t be the Kronish Ball without…” Josh pulled a little box out of his suit coat pocket. “A Kronish ball!”

Kronish’s eyes lit up. “You two are so nice-“ he reached to grab it.

Tiger grabbed his hand with her crushing strength. “Can’t have that. Can’t have that right now.” Josh grabbed her hand and pulled it off of Kronish’s. Just then, Jeri walked by. It seemed like she was about to walk up to them, but saw Josh holding Tiger’s hand and decided against it. Her eyes looked sad. Josh made eye contact with Jeri and let go of Tiger’s hand and shot her a glare.

“If you follow me, I have a surprise for you.” Josh said, leading Kronish away while he rubbed his hand and gave Tiger a look. Josh gestured for Liv to stay with Tiger.

“Tiger, that is not how you do small talk.” Liv muttered as she ventured further into the party, Tiger followed.

“Who was that girl who looked at Josh?” Tiger asked, still sounding deapan.

“Jeri?” Liv pursed her lips.

“Do you hate her?”

“No, she’s my friend. She’s Josh’s friend too.” Liv said, walking over to the tables full of food.

“Then why are you making that face?” Tiger asked.

Liv realized she was pouting. “I’m not making a face.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I found you guys!” Wolf’s voice came from behind them.

“Oh thank God you’re here.” Tiger said. “Liv is getting all pouty on me.”

“I’m standing right here.”

“Liv, what’s wrong?” Wolf asked, eyes going soft.

“Nothing!” Liv whined. She paused and took in Wolf’s new server outfit. “…where did you get that?”

“I stole it off of a guy outside.” Wolf said.

“Wolf!”

“It’s okay! I hid his body in some bushes.”

“Oh my God, he’s dead?!”

“No, he’ll probably just wake up real fucking confused tomorrow.” Wolf said.

“Wolf, you had a suit. Why did you change?” Liv asked, trying to remain calm.

“To fit in with the people in the kitchen.” Wolf said, as if it were obvious. Liv’s phone buzzed. She huffed and pulled her phone out of her pocket to see a text from Josh that read “911. Come to the kitchen now.”

“Josh needs us in the kitchen.” Liv said.

“A Biotic might have caught him, we need to move.” Tiger said. They rushed to the kitchen (which Wolf had to lead them to), and saw Josh standing in the middle of a chocolatey murder scene. The Kronish balls. Wolf sank to his knees, the look of grief clear as day on his face.

“What happened?!” Liv gasped.

“What kind of a monster would do this?” Wolf was picking up the silver trays he’d laid the chocolate balls on and holding them as if they were a dead loved one.

“Dr. Camillo happened.” Josh said, looking at Liv.

“Fuck this. Back to plan A, we gas the place.” Tiger said, observing the mess.

“No, no, no, Kronish is still giving this toast. Wolf, can you please make more balls?” Josh asked, as Wolf turned his head quickly, looking up at Josh.

“You talking like a quickfire challenge?” He asked, excitement bubbling in his voice.

“The quickest and the fieriest.” Josh said. Wolf jumped up and sprinted away without saying another word.

“Tiger, I’m gonna need you to take someone out.” Josh said, turning to Tiger.

“Done.” Tiger quickly responded.

“What should I do?” Liv asked, wanting to be helpful.

“Liv…you’ve been upgraded to my date.” Josh said. “We’ll just…go out there and act normal.”

“…Cool.” Liv put her hands on her hips nonchalantly and nodded, acting cool. She really could have done a backflip.

“Tiger, I’ll go show you who you’ve got to take out, something tells me he won’t be hard to find.” Josh led them out of the kitchen and back into the party. Sure enough, Stu Camillo was sitting across the room, on the other side of the party, drunk off his ass and had chocolate mess all over his hands and suit. He was yelling into a microphone that wasn’t plugged in.

“I’m the king of the microphones!” They heard him yell.

“That drunk ass is Stu Camillo and I’m going to need you to neutralize him.” Josh said quietly to Tiger.

“Done. Commencing Operation Whale Documentary.” Tiger muttered, patting Josh on the chest as she walked towards him. Liv and Josh watched as she stood in front of him in her sexy dress, and watched Dr. Camillo drop the mic and check her out unapologetically.

Josh groaned. “Gross.”

“So, if I’m your date, what does that entail?” Liv asked, running her fingers over the tinsel Christmas decorations in front of her. “Like are we gonna go dance on the dance floor, are we…” she trailed off as she realized Josh wasn’t listening. “Josh?”

“Huh? Hold that thought Liv, sorry, I’ve just…I’ll be right back.” Josh said, walking away.

“Josh!”

“One second!” Josh pushed through the crowd and disappeared for a second, leaving Liv by herself. After a moment, she saw his target; Jeri Lang. Liv frowned and folded her arms, feeling her stomach sink to her feet. She saw Josh emerge from the crowd and follow her down the hall. Liv tucked some hair behind her ear and and sadly walked over to a bench and slumped down. She really wished Wolf were there with her, at least he wouldn’t have ditched her like that. Maybe Wolf really was her best friend. Liv sulked on her bench for a while. All the merriment around her was pissing her off. She finally got to be Josh’s date, even if he probably didn’t mean it in that way, and he ran away to go talk to Jeri. Just then, a figure coming down the stairs caught her eye. Specifically a figure with three scars down his cheek resembling cat whiskers. Skarsgaard. Liv’s muscles immediately tensed. Her brain flashed back to the day before when Josh had said that cops probably wouldn’t be at the party.

“Josh.” She whispered to herself. “Josh.” She said a little louder, jumping to her feet. She tried to walk over to the hallway that she saw Josh go down earlier as normally as she could. She watched Skarsgaard like a hawk, making sure he didn’t see her, just in case he recognized her. She walked to the hall’s entrance and stopped in her tracks. Her blood ran cold and hot at the same time. Her face flushed and her heart stopped and she forgot how to breathe. Time stopped moving. She didn’t know what to do. Josh was kissing Jeri.

Josh leaned against the wall waiting for Jeri to come out of the bathroom. He probably seemed like a real creep, but he needed to talk to her. Jeri had thought Tiger was his girlfriend.

“What?! No, she’s not my girlfriend!” Josh had said. “She’s just someone I work with!”

“Dude, I literally saw you holding her hand.” Jeri had said as she walked quickly away from him.

“No, Jeri, it’s not like that! That woman in there has used me, she’s endangered my life, and to be honest, I don’t think she likes me as a person. With any luck she’ll be gone soon, like really, really far away forever.” Josh had said as he followed her.

“Josh, I don’t really know you that well and you definitely don’t know me. Let’s just…not do this, okay?” And then she disappeared into the bathroom.

She came out a couple minutes later and her face fell upon seeing him. “Lurking outside the bathroom is not a good look for you right now, Josh.” She mumbled as she tried to avoid him.

“Wait, I do know you!” Josh walked after her and stopped her. “I- I know you always cut the plastic soda rings you have so that the fish don’t choke, that’s really sweet! And I also know that you’re really funny, you know, you’re always making those doodles of possums probing scientists.”

Jeri squinted at him and knitted her brows together. “Are you looking through my trash?”

“Yes…no…sort of. I also know you’re really caring! You write thank you notes by hand…no one does that. And you’re super, super creative! You’re really good at origami, the sandwich wrapper ones? I keep all of them, like the crane, oh! And the dragon boat? Liv thinks it’s weird but-“

“I’m gonna go ahead and stop you right there.” Jeri interrupted him. “You are walking the fine line between creepy and romantic.”

“…which way am I leaning?” Josh asked.

Jeri didn’t say anything. She studied his face for a moment, eyes dropping to his lips multiple times. Josh felt heat rush into his cheeks as he realized what was happening. Jeri leaned in and kissed him. Jeri Lang, the girl he’d had a crush on since his first day at work, was kissing him. His heart exploded with fireworks. Jeri pulled away and he looked at her with stunned eyes.

“Stop looking through my trash…?” She said, lightly gripping his suit coat.

He nodded, eyes fixated on hers. “Deal…yeah…” he replied, hesitating before both of them went in for another, much longer kiss. He gently put his hands on her back, pulling her in closer as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

That’s when Liv entered the scene. The second she saw them pressed against each other her brain shut down. She turned on her heel and mindlessly walked back the way she came, eyes wide and jaw on the ground. The way her stomach dropped and the way her heart jumped into her throat was painful. Josh was kissing Jeri. She felt tears start to form in her eyes and she angrily wiped them away. She shouldn’t be angry, Josh was her best friend. Emphasis on the friend. She should be excited for him, but instead she wanted to go and kick him. But she should be happy for him. She walked right into someone without thinking.

“OhmygodI’msorry-“ she looked up. It was Wolf. He turned around looking menacing and defensive, but his face fell when he saw it was Liv and the state she was In. From Wolf’s perspective, Liv’s eyes were leaking black liquid.

“Shit! Did a Biotic poison you with something?!” He grabbed her shoulders and bent down to her level, trying to study what could possibly be making her eyes leak tears of that color. Liv wiped her eyes and shook her head. “…are you…crying?” He asked, letting go and taking a step back, looking uncomfortable.

Liv wiped her face again. People were probably looking at her and feeling bad for her. She lost it. Wolf looked around uncomfortably for Josh or Tiger, someone he could sick this crying girl on. “Josh kissed her.” She sniffled.

“…huh?” Wolf looked down at her as she looked up at him with the saddest eyes he’d ever seen. Shit.

“Josh kissed Jeri.” She muttered pathetically.

“…I don’t know who the fuck that is.”

“The girl he’s been in love with for like a million years.” Liv said, wiping her tears and rolling her eyes.

“…okay…” Wolf was giving her nothing.

“Wolf, this is the part where you tell me it’s okay.” Liv sobbed softly.

“Oh…uh…” Wolf winced. “It’s okay…I think…” he didn’t understand. “Um…well…the balls are on their way out.”

Dr. Kronish began to tap his champagne glass with a fork, ready to give his toast. “If you don’t like vomit, I’d get out of here.” Wolf said to her in a hushed voice. Waiters came out carrying trays of the Kronish balls, ready to serve them.

“I didn’t think I’d be giving a speech tonight,” Kronish opened, standing on the stairs across the room. Liv saw Josh’s head appear as he came running up the stairs.

“Guess he’s done making out with Jeri.” Liv grumbled. She turned around to see Wolf had left. She let out a frustrated groan. Maybe Wolf would have ditched her earlier just like Josh did. She folded her arms and turned back to face Kronish, but instead noticed something alarming and remembered why she’d gone looking for Josh in the first place. Detective Skarsgaard had found Josh and was dragging him back down the stairs Josh had just run up. Her heart started pounding again. She pushed through the crowd towards them. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she followed them.

“I didn’t shoot any fucking meth dealers!” She faintly heard Josh say through Kronish’s speech. She pushed through a clump of people from the accounting department and stopped at the top of the stairs realizing that if Skarsgaard knew she was Liv “Pastman” she’d be dragged away too. She started to well up with tears again, but this time in panic. A server walked by her with a platter of Kronish balls. They looked delicious, Wolf had really outdone himself. Liv swiped her palms on her dress as she panicked and moved away from the stairs. She spotted Wolf looking proud as he watched people excitedly take his creations off of platters.

“Wolf, Wolf, Josh is getting arrested.” Liv said, maybe a little louder than she should have because some people gave her confused looks.

“What?” Wolf perked up, looking alert and ready to go pounce. “By Biotics?!”

“No, the police!” She started hyperventilating. “I don’t know what to do.”

“So, let us all raise a ball!” Kronish said excitedly, wrapping up his speech. “Next year Kronish Labs will go down in ‘herpstory’!” The crowd buzzed with laughter at his pun and everyone began to eat their truffles.

“Hold on Liv, things are about to get good.” Wolf readied himself, getting into a defensive stance. Tiger came sauntering up to them.

“Good news…or bad news, Camillo’s not a Biotic, I made him lick all the chocolate off his hands and he puked all over his expensive coat.” She smirked and laughed to herself.

“Tiger! Josh is getting arrested!” Liv said frantically. Everyone around them was excitedly enjoying their Kronish balls.

“By Biotics?” She asked.

“No! By the police!”

“Go give them a ball. Maybe they’ll puke and shit themselves and he’ll be able to get away.”

“I don’t know where they went!” Liv was still panicked.

A sense of uneasiness fell over the crowd as people began to keel over. Wolf was still ready to fight and Tiger grabbed a glass vase off of a table, ready to smash it over someone’s head.

“I’d get down if I were you, Liv.” Tiger said quietly, hearing the first victims begin to retch. Liv hesitated but saw someone standing straight up in the crowd of vomiting people. Sandy from the front desk. She was a Biotic. Tiger and Wolf went after her. Liv backed away quickly and spun around in circles looking for a hiding place when she saw a small decorative Christmas cottage. Bingo. She sprinted over to it and peeked in the small chimney to see that it was hollow inside. She kicked in the door and crawled in. She pulled her knees to her chest and listened as she could hear the disturbing noises outside as people were reacting to the sewer mushrooms. “Sleigh Ride” by The Ronettes played loudly over the speakers, not matching the commotion outside at all.

“Cane block!” She heard Tiger cry out as she fought off a Biotic. “Crystal antler shield!” There must have been a lot of Biotics out there because she couldn’t hear many people throwing up, but instead heard battle cries.

“Brain freeze!” Wolf shouted. “Clear!” She heard a body fall to the ground. A shadow appeared through the cracks in the small door in front of her and she screamed as it was kicked open. A Biotic found her. Instead, Josh’s head popped through the small door.

“Liv!”

“Josh?!”

“Liv, let me in!” Liv crawled over and grabbed his hands, which were handcuffed, and helped him crawl inside.

“Josh what happened?”

“I almost got arrested for the meth lab, but then Skarsgaard ate a ball and threw up and I escaped and I’m okay now.”

There was barely enough room for both of them, Josh awkwardly knelt between her legs and she was uncomfortably squeezed into a corner. Both of their heads were on a swivel, looking out the tiny windows and catching glimpses of the fight outside.

Tiger’s head went through one of the windows, making Liv scream.

“You’re doing great! Keep up the good work!” Josh panted with wide eyes.

“Fuck you!” Tiger pulled her head out and they both heard a sickening cracking sound. Josh reached over and latched the tiny window closed. Liv and Josh both screamed as a hand holding a giant cleaver knife came through the other small window. Josh immediately bit the hand owner’s wrist, both of them hearing a scream and the knife falling right in between Liv’s legs and Josh’s knees.

“Wrist bite!” Josh announced like Tiger and Wolf. Josh leaned forward to look out the small window, his face awkwardly close to Liv’s.

“Josh, what are-“

Josh shushed her as he watched Wolf stab a Biotic in the neck with a paring knife. Wolf moved and Josh got a clear shot of two legs slowly being dragged down the stairs. “They’ve got Kronish!” Josh used his foot to awkwardly open the door and crawl backwards out of the house.

“Who? Tiger and Wolf? Josh! Come back!”

“No! A Biotic!” Josh was already on the move. Liv stuck her face out of both windows to check and see if the coast was clear. She crawled out of the house and saw Tiger and a Wolf had tied a Biotic with Christmas lights, trying to keep him hostage.

“You’re coming with us.” Tiger and Wolf held his arms against his sides firmly, but he squirmed and thrashed.

“Fuck you, Resistance scum!” He yelled, throwing himself over the side of the balcony. Liv took off running after Josh, even passing him.

“How the fuck- you’re in heels?!” He panted. Liv ran to the hall she saw Josh kissing Jeri in and halted to a stop. Jeri was still in the hallway. She was the one who had Kronish’s unconscious body. She was a Biotic. Josh came running behind her.

“How are you-“ he panted, but stopped in his tracks. Jeri stopped too, looking up at them and dropping Kronish’s arms and letting him hit the ground. Liv and Josh stared at Jeri in shock, she stared back. “No…please tell me you shat your dress.” He said in a strained, weak voice.

Jeri’s eyes pleaded with them to forgive her but then they narrowed and turned aggressive. Liv followed Jeri’s gaze to see that she was looking behind them at Tiger, who had jumped down from the floor above.

“Liv get down!” Josh yelled, dropping to his knees. Liv looked to see Jeri coming at both of them, and hit the deck. Jeri lept over them and went in for the kill with Tiger. Tiger went in for a punch, but Jeri dodged it and also tried to land a punch. Tiger dodged it and tried to grab at Jeri’s throat but Jeri quickly grabbed her hands and tried pushing her down. Tiger wouldn’t budge, so Jeri tried running her into the railing of the stairs. Wolf came barreling down, but Jeri kicked him in the face, knocking him over the railing. He fell as blood spurted from his nose. Tiger seized the opportunity to backflip away from Jeri, creating space between them. If the moment weren’t so tense, Josh probably would have commented on how sick the move was.

Jeri glared at Tiger and did a one handed cartwheel towards her as she backed away, Tiger’s eyes growing wider as she realized this would be harder than she initially thought. Tiger reached into her hair, retrieving the pen-like object that held up her hair, similar to the one Wolf had used days earlier to get the bomb from the Biotics’ necks. Tiger’s hair fell around her shoulder as she ran at Jeri, yelling. Jeri’s eyes widened and she grabbed Tiger’s hand, stopping her from plunging it into her neck. Tiger and Jeri struggled with each other, before Jeri finally kicked Tiger in the stomach, knocking her off her feet. Jeri looked at her smugly as she snapped Tiger’s weapon in half. Tiger gritted her teeth and shot back up running at Jeri with full force.

Jeri and Tiger clashed again, Jeri kicked at Tiger’s stomach at the same time Tiger practically threw her against the wall. Jeri fell against a table behind her as Tiger had the wind knocked out of her. Wolf slowly gained back consciousness from his fall and tried to sit up. Jeri rolled off the table and fell to the floor. It was obvious her vision was going blurry based on how her eyes drooped. Tiger started to get up and Jeri quickly reached her thumb into her mouth, all the way to the back of her jaw and a small beep was heard.

“She’s gonna detonate!” Wolf shouted.

“No!” Tiger screamed. It was like slow motion, Tiger kicked both of her stilettos into the air, jumped up, flipped around, and caught the shoe in one swift movement. She ran at Jeri, stabbing the shoe into her neck. Josh made a strangled noise as he watched. Jeri’s eyes rolled back and she collapsed on the ground. Dead? Unconscious? Liv and Josh couldn’t tell.

“Finally I found a use for these things.” Tiger panted.

Josh slowly started making his way towards Tiger and Jeri with a shoe in her neck. His face showed a mixture of betrayal and heartbreak. Liv’s heart was heavy as she followed and ended up by his side. She felt terrible for being so upset that he’d kissed Jeri. She wanted to hug him, but felt it was probably an inappropriate time. Wolf rushed over to them, detonator scanner in hand.

“She’s alive, but we’ve got a problem.”

“What, is she gonna pop?” Tiger asked.

“No yet, there wasn’t a clean hit.” Wolf said, scanning around the shoe in her neck. “It’s been delayed, not deactivated.” He looked up at Tiger. “Cool move though.”

“How long do we have?”

“About 28 minutes.”

Josh let out a small, sad sound. Liv hesitated, but put her hand on his back, trying to comfort him. “Josh, I’m really sorry. I know you really liked her.”

Josh looked sadly at the shoe sticking out of Jeri’s neck. “I really thought she liked me.”

[heydorothea009]

Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, Wolf does cocaine, mentions of violence

Chapter 3: A Fuel’s Errand

Tiger and Wolf had no trouble lugging Carl’s corpse down the stairwell, but Josh and Liv were stumbling down the stairs, carrying what’s her name’s corpse as both of their panic set in.

“Oh my God, oh my God, shit, holy shit, oh my God-“ Liv repeated over and over, her mind racing.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT-“ Josh was yelling over her.

“Stop shitting!” Tiger yelled at him as her and Wolf took a sharp turn down the stairs.

“Why didn’t the game say they were human?!” Josh asked frantically.

“We didn’t want to humanize them!” Tiger shouted.

“What’s with the nutsack faces?”

“It’s a biomembrane, it helps them heal faster! Why’d you block our shot?” Tiger responded harshly.

“Oh my God, these are people we fucking work with.” Josh didn’t answer Tiger’s question.

“They’re barely human, they’re grown in labs!” Wolf yelled.

“Why the FUCK did you block our shot?” Tiger shouted again, growing more frustrated with Josh.

“Because killing Kronish won’t help! Okay? His research is already out there, the cure could come from anywhere!” Josh said.

“Yeah, thanks to you two dick weevils.” Wolf grumbled.

“Are there more of these things?” Liv finally spoke up through her shock of having to touch a dead body.

“Of course! They’re sleeper agents, they knew we came back to 2017 and they sent them earlier to hide in plain sight.” Tiger explained, clearly annoyed that Josh and Liv didn’t know this information.

“That’s kinda cool I guess,” Josh said in a strained voice.

“Let’s just leave ‘em here.” Wolf suggested, letting Carl’s body slump to the ground. Tiger let go too and Carl landed flat on his face.

“What? No! We can’t just leave these dead bodies here?!” Josh shook his head frantically. “You also can’t leave anything from the future in the past, it will fuck things up! It seriously could fuck up your future, come on guys! This is time travel 101! We have to get rid of them!”

Tiger leaned her elbows on the railing and shot a glance over at Wolf, who looked equally as frustrated and understanding as she did. “Okay fine, then how do we get rid of them.”

Josh opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked at Liv for some help, but she looked like she might throw up at any moment. Then it hit him. “I…I think I know how…”

“The possum incinerator?” Liv asked in a deadpan voice as Josh led everyone (including the dead bodies) into the possum incinerator room. Kronish Labs studied possum semen instead of human semen as a more “humane” way of finding a cure, even though it wasn’t very “humane”.

“How many possums do you kill here?” Wolf asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Enough that we needed to get this possum incinerator.” Josh said, opening the hatch. “People don’t come down here very often though, I don’t think.”

“It’s pretty small, we’ll have to cut up the bodies…let’s get to work.” Tiger motioned for the bodies to be put on the table.

It was a bloodbath. Wolf and Tiger were disassembling the bodies in front of Liv and Josh’s eyes. Liv stood in horror. Josh looked on the scene looking scared, but not as scared as Liv. He was becoming familiar with what Tiger and Wolf were capable of.

“I don’t think I can watch this anymore.” Josh turned his head, feeling sick.

“Hey,” Tiger grabbed his face, the blood on her hands rubbing off on his cheeks and chin. Liv was about to agree with him, but kept quiet, she didn’t want blood on her face too. “You need to watch this, you and this girl need to know how to take down these perfs for when you run into one again.”

Josh tensed up as he felt the wet blood touch his face. “This girl is named Liv and she’s my friend and you’re scaring her. And what the hell is a perf?”

“We call these genetically perfect assholes perfs.” Wolf hurled Carl’s torso into the incinerator. “Not so perfect anymore!” He jeered.

“What was this girl’s name?” Tiger hoisted up the girl neither Josh or Liv could remember the name of.

“I don’t know, Liv?” Josh asked quietly.

“I-I don’t remember.” Liv said at an even quieter volume.

“I just always called her ‘Pretty Smile Girl’.” Josh said. If the situation wasn’t so horrifying, Liv would have found the way he’d said it adorable.

“They’re all fucking pretty, they’re Biotics!” Tiger snapped. “You stab Pretty Smile Girl in the liver? That’s a kill. Stab Pretty Smile Girl in the heart? That’s a fucking kill. But you’ll wanna be real careful with Pretty Smile Girl’s head.”

“Can we please leave Pretty Smile Girl’s head alone?” Josh had to look away. Liv wanted to look away but couldn’t, seeing Pretty Smile Girl’s head swing around in unnatural ways was so deeply unsettling that she couldn’t help but watch in terror.

“No,” Wolf growled, strutting over to Tiger and Pretty Smile Girl’s corpse with some kind of device. “Every Biotic soldier has a brain bomb implanted in their head, makes it explode so they can’t be interrogated.” He held the device over her neck and the device beeped. Wolf pulled out something the size of a pen and stabbed it into her neck. Liv gagged and turned away. “It doesn’t kill them, but it disables the bomb.” He pulled it out, revealing a small ball. The bomb. “Another for the gobulator.” Wolf’s face lit up as he pulled out a small case filled with the tiny balls.

“Is that safe?” Josh pointed to the case and Wolf looked at him as if he were stupid.

“The fuck you think a gobulator does?”

Wolf and Tiger finished dismembering the corpses and threw them into the fire. They were dripping with scarlet blood, looking like Carrie White. Liv felt sick to her stomach, she hated gore. Tiger wiped her hands on her pants and spoke up,

“Alright Wolf, fire up the TTD. Let’s go back to earlier today before Future Man fucked up the mission.” Liv swore Tiger shot her a dirty look. “Let’s go get Kronish.”

Liv furrowed her brows. She felt like everyone around her was speaking a foreign language. She’d never heard of a TTD.

“You guys don’t get it!” Josh said loudly. “Kronish has been doing this research his entire life, someone could just pick up where he left off. And besides, you would have to pull like, a Terminator thing and stop him from ever being born-“

“Or! We kill him when he’s one of those little baby things!” Tiger added excitedly.

Josh shook his head. “No! Absolutely not, we cannot kill a baby!”

“They’re invincible?” Wolf asked.

“No, they’re helpless and very soft.” Tiger said.

“Perfect. Easy kill.”

“Give us a date, Future Man. Or girl, maybe you know.” Tiger said. Before Josh or Liv could speak, (Liv was growing offended by being called “girl”), Wolf interjected.

“Cat fucker! The TTD got damaged in the fight.” He groaned as he held what looked like a tablet, pulling out a vial of neon green liquid. Liv looked to Josh to see if she was missing something, but he looked just as confused.

“Shit…that’s not a lot of Cameronium.” Tiger shook her head worriedly.

“Maybe enough for one jump if we’re lucky.” Wolf studied the vial closely.

“What the hell is Cameronium?” Josh asked.

“It’s the fuel the TTD runs off of.” Tiger explained as if it were obvious.

“What’s the TTD?” Liv finally asked. She had so many questions.

“Time travel device.” Wolf said, speaking to her calmly. He glanced over at her. “We’re time travelers. By the way, I don’t know if Futute Man here explained that to you.”

“Yeah, I gathered that. Is that what you used to travel back to 1969?” She asked Josh. Josh nodded.

“Okay, new plan. We use our last jump to go kill baby Kronish, that’s the new mission.” Tiger said loudly.

“No!” Josh exclaimed as Liv shook her head violently. “We are absolutely not killing a baby! It’s wrong and makes us monsters!”

Tiger thought about it for a moment. “Agree to disagree. Give us a date.”

“I- well I don’t even know when he was born.” Josh said.

“Wolf, choke it outta him.” Tiger said calmly. Liv backed away instantly. Josh looked at her with wide eyes.

“Gladly.” Wolf advanced on Josh. Josh stumbled backwards.

“No, no, no-“ Wolf grabbed Josh by the neck and slammed him against the wall. Liv thought about running, but then again, Tiger might do the same to her.

“Give. Us. A. Date.” Tiger said through gritted teeth.

“If- if you can’t jump back to your time how will you know it worked? What if killing Kronish doesn’t fix it! Don’t you want proof?!” Liv blurted out. Tiger’s eyes fixated on her and Liv’s heart dropped. Tiger studied Liv for a moment, her stance softening, considering what Liv had said. Wolf saw Tiger considering this and dropped Josh. Josh landed on his feet and gasped for air.

“What do you even know about time travel?” Liv added, seeing Wolf and Tiger actually listening to her. “Multiverses? Alternate realities?”

“Time loops.” Josh added, rubbing his throat.

“Time loops! If you're wrong about even just one of those things it could throw off your whole mission, even though I don’t entirely understand what it is.” Liv pleaded. Tiger and Wolf looked at each other, then back to Liv.

Tiger sighed. “Fine. We’ll look for Cameronium here. But then! We’re going back and killing baby Kronish.” Josh let out a frustrated sound.

“Where’s the closest Cameronium outpost?” Wolf asked. Liv grabbed a mop, ready to clean up the crime scene that she was standing in.

“We just learned what Cameronium is, I have no idea.” Josh muttered.

“It’s biofuel, it’s been around forever.” Tiger started getting frustrated again. Josh grabbed another mop and helped Liv.

“Well, what’s it made of?” Liv asked.

“I- plants? I don’t know? You tell us, you’re the scientists.” Liv stopped mopping and looked at Josh, who also stopped mopping. “One of you is a scientist right? You work in a lab?” Tiger added. Josh looked at Liv and Liv just stared back at him. Had Josh told them that they were scientists? She raised an eyebrow at him and grew nervous.

“Those are your science wands.” Wolf said, pointing to the mops.

Tiger narrowed her eyes at them. “What is your job here?”

“Uh,” Liv didn’t know what to say. She looked nervously to Tiger and Wolf, who were impatiently waiting for an answer.

“We’re…janitors?” Josh didn’t even sound sure of his own job.

Tiger and Wolf stared at them for a second, Tiger’s eyebrow started twitching as she got noticeably more angry, letting the word “janitor” hang in the air. Wolf looked a little lost and just stared at them, but could tell what Josh had just said was making Tiger angry, therefore he was angry too.

Josh looked terrified. “Uh, are you guys cool with that, or-“

Tiger slammed her fists on the table. “FUCKING JANITORS?!” She screamed, storming out the door that led to an alley outside. Wolf shoved the table over and stormed out after her.

Josh looked at Liv with wide eyes before dropping his mop and chasing after them. Liv dropped her mop and followed him. They chased Wolf and Tiger through the alleyway.

Tiger spun around, stomping backwards. “Do you know who’s a janitor where we come from?”

“A- a robot-?” Josh guessed.

“Nobody!” She snapped. “Because in a battle of life or death no one gives a dick about clean floors!”

“I knew he wasn’t the savior, I knew it from the moment he jizzed all over my torso!” Wolf turned around too, glaring at Josh.

“Please, guys come on!” Josh and Liv chased after them like little kids chasing after a soccer ball. God, those two time traveling warriors could storm away fast.

“No!” Tiger stopped and Liv and Josh almost ran into her. “You can’t. We don’t need you.” She jabbed Josh’s shoulder with her finger. “You get in the way, you’re weak, and you fucking inspired Kronish to share his cure with the world. And on a personal level, I'm not sure I like you.” She looked at Liv. “You’re associated with him, so I feel the same about you.” She looked back at Josh. “You’re off the team, Fütturman.” She spat, mispronouncing Josh’s last name.

“Even your name’s a disappointment.” Wolf growled. He looked at Liv. “I forgot your name.” The way he spoke to her wasn’t nearly as mean and condescending, but Liv still looked up at him fearfully. Tiger and Wolf turned on their heels and stomped away.

“What- guys, don’t do this!” Josh yelled after them. “Where are you going?”

“To finish the mission without you.” Tiger yelled, not even turning around to look at them.

“You’re covered in brains!” Josh yelled back.

“Eat a dick!”

Josh stood in silence, shocked and defeated. “Well…they seemed nice…” Liv said after a long pause, scuffing the toe of her boot on the asphalt.

“Not right now, Liv, please.” Josh said in a weak voice as he sank down to the ground, putting his head in his hands. Liv looked down at him, sitting with his knees pulled into his chest. He looked so sad. Whatever this time travel mission really was, it really seemed really important to him.

“Josh…will you tell me what happened? Like please actually explain what's going on? You gave me the simplified version in the stairwell, I need the full story to really grasp the situation.” Liv said gently, bending down to his level. Josh looked up at her with those sad eyes that hurt her heart.

“Okay. After I beat my game, they appeared in my room and told me I was the savior and that ‘Biotic Wars’ is actually a training simulation sent back from the future to find me. Apparently the cure Kronish eventually will end up discovering is what leads to a super cure that creates the Biotics. To my knowledge Biotics are perfect and powerful beings who are apparently also our coworkers. I thought I was being pranked when Wolf and Tiger appeared in my room, I was so embarrassed because I was…” he trailed off. Truth be told, Josh had been jerking off when Wolf and Tiger appeared in his room. He even came on Wolf by accident…which he still felt bad about. He cleared his throat. “I- I dunno, I probably just sounded stupid to them asking if I was being pranked over and over. They used the TTD and took me to 1969, but we were still in my house, but like the 60s version. I saw my grandparents, my dad, and my Uncle Barry, and they started beating me up because they thought I was there to rob them.”

Liv started snickering.

“Shut up, Liv!” Josh couldn’t help but laugh too. “Okay, that part’s pretty funny, actually now that I think about it. But Tiger and Wolf stepped in and we were able to get out of the house and then Tiger and Wolf started wailing on these bikers who catcalled Tiger and we stole their clothes to fit in. Then! I found out it was the night of the moon landing-“

“Oh my God, the night Kronish got herpes.” Liv was starting to piece together the story.

“Yes, exactly. So we started to go to CalTech, which was where Kronish’s party was, but I guess someone had called the police, because some policemen tried to stop us. And then I think Wolf might have brutally murdered a policeman…”

“He does seem to like to kill people.” Liv said, nodding along to the story.

“Yeah…so then we stop at a gas station, and I’m all mad at them, and then Wolf goes and breaks some dude’s fingers and I had to teach Tiger what a baby was and that kidnapping is bad. Anyways, we end up at a frat party at CalTech and we are the only white people there…and then Wolf told them their mutant race should die…yeah…” he grimaced at that memory. Liv grimaced too. “He was meaning Kronish and the Biotics but it just came out racist. So then, I infiltrated the party by myself in an astronaut costume while Wolf and Tiger ‘secured the perimeter’ or something, and I cockblocked Kronish by having a dance off with him to get him away from Barberella, the girl who had herpes, and also I think I might have invented the running man and the the moonwalk. I think some other more modern dances were sprinkled in there too, I don’t really remember.” He chuckled lightly. “And then…well, you’re basically caught up, you saw what happened today.”

Liv nodded her head as she took in this story. “Oh my God,” she let out a short laugh.

“Oh! And! I left my phone in the past on accident, and now Steve Jobs and Siri don’t exist.” Josh added.

“…who?”

“Exactly.” Josh shook his head at himself.

Liv giggled. “I can’t believe you invented the moonwalk and then Michael Jackson took all the credit.”

“Eh, he can have it.” Josh looked up at her and laughed. “So, I thought I was supposed to be some savior, but apparently I’m useless.” He sighed, the weight of what just happened settling on his shoulders again.

Liv took a seat next to him on the ground. “Why does it matter so much to you?”

“Because I thought I was finally going to do something great with my life.” He looked up at the sky, he seemed to be fighting tears. “But instead I got verbally abused by Tiger and Wolf and I put your life in danger. I’m sorry.”

“Josh,” Liv said softly. “Do you want to just go home?”

Josh nodded, swiping the back of his hand across his cheeks, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t starting to cry. “Yeah.”

“I’ll drive you home.” She stood up and offered him a hand. “Also, you’ve got blood on your face.”

“I know.” He sighed.

Liv drove Josh back to his house in silence. She parked in his driveway, but he didn’t get out of the car. He sat and just stared at his house with a sad expression.

“Come on, Josh,” Liv got out of the car and walked around to his side, opening the door for him. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Josh looked up at her from his seat and then glanced down at her matching gray janitor uniform, which was splattered with blood just like his. “What about you?”

“I think I have a change of clothes somewhere in my car,” she said. “But my friend Josh needs someone to be there for him right now and I am going to make him my priority.”

Josh gave her a small, sad smile. “Thank you, Liv.”

They went into his house, which was quiet. Josh’s parents weren’t home so they didn’t have to worry about them being concerned about their bloody uniforms. Liv helped him wash the blood off of his face at the kitchen sink.

“Hey, thanks mom.” Josh lightly joked. Liv let out a slightly flustered laugh. She was actively trying to swallow the giddiness and butterflies she felt touching his face and being this close to him. “Too bad my parents aren’t here, they’d love to say hi to you.” Josh said. Josh’s parents, Gabe and Diane Futturman, were Liv’s favorite people to walk the earth (other than Josh, but that goes without saying). They absolutely loved Liv, and she’d been to many Futturman parties hosted by them.

Liv grinned as she got the washcloth she was using on Josh’s face wet again under the faucet. “Well, then tell them I say hi.”

After cleaning off Josh’s face and some of the blood that had gotten on both of their arms, Josh headed up to his room to change. Liv ran out to her car and grabbed the t-shirt and leggings she kept in the backseat and changed in their guest bathroom. When she opened the door she saw Josh walk out of his room at the same time with an “I have an idea” look on his face.

“I know how we can help Tiger and Wolf.” He said excitedly.

She looked confused. “…huh?”

“Cameronium or whatever? I know how we can get more.”

“Um…okay?” Liv raised an eyebrow. She kind of assumed they were dropping the idea of helping them at all, they were really mean and scary, and she didn’t care much for them.

“There’s this girl who works at the gaming store I go to, Tracy, she’s dating a chemist! So we talk to Tiger and Wolf, take them with us to the gaming store, talk to Tracy, go to her chemist boyfriend, and find out where to find Cameronium!” Josh looked so incredibly proud of himself.

“Cool, but Tiger and Wolf could be anywhere. They ditched us, remember?” Liv asked, putting her hands on her hips and sounding a little exasperated.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, I saw them outside climbing into the sewer.”

“What?!”

“I should have opened with that, but I found them!” Josh beamed.

Liv hesitated before she spoke. “Um, are you sure that you want to go back to them? I thought they were ‘verbally abusive’.”

“Liv, I want to help them.” Josh looked at her with those again. Goddammit. Liv sighed.

“Does this mean I have to climb into the sewer?”

“Uh…” Josh stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Maybe…”

Liv did in fact have to climb into the sewers. It was a damn good thing she loved Josh, she would never in a million years be climbing down a ladder down into the sewer like she was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle if she didn’t love him. Josh was just barely in front of her as they climbed down. They could hear Tiger barking commands at Wolf. She looked up and saw them climbing down and shook her head furiously.

“No! Nope! No Futturmans, no friends of Futturmans, no janitors, and no people shorter than us can enter!” Tiger’s angry voice greeted them.

“No, guys!” Josh hopped down off of the ladder. “Look, I know you guys are super pissed off at me, but I promise I have an idea.” Liv hopped off the ladder after him.

“No, we don’t need you. We have plans, lots of plans. And leads, Wolf has leads, right Wolf?” Tiger lied.

Wolf was crouched in the entrance of a tunnel eating a rat. He looked crazy, despite the fact he had dried blood covering him. He also looked high as a kite, eyes red and looking like he had hay fever. “I don’t have leads.” He drawled, mouth full of rat flesh. Gross. Tiger glared at him for not going along with her lie. He made eye contact with Liv and lit up. “You! I can’t remember your name!” He said in an unnaturally cheerful voice for Wolf. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“What’s he doing?” Liv asked. Before Tiger could answer, Josh spoke up.

“Guys, please, let us back on the team. I know where we can find more Cameronium.”

Tiger narrowed her eyes. “You do?” Wolf had also stopped what he was doing and perked up.

“Yes, now come on, let’s get you guys cleaned up.” Josh motioned for them to follow. Tiger let out a frustrated groan as she marched over to Wolf and pulled him by his arm to follow behind Liv and Josh out of the sewer and into Josh’s house. Josh and Liv helped scrub the dried blood off of Wolf, who was still high out of his mind. Josh and Liv were scared to go near Tiger, who was still fuming at the idea of letting them help, and let her take care of cleaning herself up in the guest bathroom (assuming she knew how to).

“So let me get this straight, you went to a weed dispensary because you thought it had Cameronium?” Josh asked Wolf as he washed Wolf’s right arm. Wolf had told them about the “adventure” he and Tiger went on and how he “ate street cock” (they were able to piece together that he’d actually had a sausage).

“And I tried these things called macaroons.” Wolf sighed and grinned from ear to ear again. “So delicious.” He pointed to Liv as she washed his face. “You have a name.”

Liv glanced at Josh. Josh shrugged. “Mhm!” She nodded and answered him like she would a three year old.

“I don’t remember it.” He giggled. Josh snorted.

“I’m Liv,” She said, trying her best not to laugh. She kind of liked high Wolf, he was funny.

“Like ‘NO PLEASE!! I WANT TO LIVE!!!’ Like that?” Wolf’s outburst made them jump, but then Josh lost it, doubling over as he started laughing.

“I mean, I guess.” Liv laughed too.

“Is that your name because that’s what your enemies scream before you slaughter them?” Wolf asked.

Liv laughed even harder. “No, my parents just liked it.” Wolf nodded as if to be taking what she said to heart.

“I love it.”

Tiger came stomping down the stairs in full gear, making Josh and Liv’s laughter disappear as she glared at them. “Alright, Future Man, Future Man’s friend-“

“Liv!” Wolf corrected her, and then smiled at Liv and nodded, proud of himself for remembering.

Tiger rolled her eyes. “Right, whatever. It’s time to go.”

“Wait, hold on, Tiger, we need to get you guys some clothes to help you blend in. People don’t wear armor here.” Josh said.

“I think I’m fine.” Tiger said in a serious tone.

Josh didn’t feel like forcing Tiger into his mom’s clothes, he would rather keep his head on his shoulders, so he just dropped the idea. He still grabbed a coat for her to possibly wear over her armor later if she changed her mind. Wolf changed into one of Josh’s dad’s polo shirts and a pair of khakis. He looked like he was about to go play tennis at a country club. The four left the house on foot, making their way to the gaming store, which wasn’t too far away. They walked in and were greeted by two people standing at the counter.

“Hey Tracy, hey Paul,” Josh greeted them nonchalantly. The two people looked up at them, eyes landing on Liv.

“Ooh, Josh brought a girl with him.” Paul teased.

“Oh, this is just Liv.” Josh said, brushing off the teasing as he walked up to the counter. Liv gave them a tight lipped smile. He could have said, “this is just my friend Liv”, but, whatever.

“Break another joystick playing ‘Biotic Wars’?” Tracy asked, clearly teasing him.

“Uh, no, I stopped playing. Those characters were so unrealistic.” Josh said, watching Tiger and Wolf venture further into the store from the corner of his eye. Paul raised a suspicious eyebrow and followed Josh’s line of sight.

He eyed Tiger. “Boing.” He leered. Liv made a disgusted face as he went to follow Tiger.

“Hey Tracy,” Josh asked. “Are you still dating that chemist guy?”

“Oh, Lyle?” She asked, smacking her gum. “No, we broke up, I call him Professor Ex now.” She snickered at her own joke.

“Ha, that’s really funny,” Josh fake laughed as he drummed his fingers on the counter. “Was- was it a, um, messy kind of break up? Or was it chill, like maybe you could casually put us in contact with him?”

“Nah I hate him, he used to wear a button down shirt every time we fucked, I hate him.” Tracy said casually. “Why do you ask?”

“Uhhhh,” Josh looked back at Liv. “It’s, uh, we’re partners in this class I started taking at a, um, community college and we have to interview a chemist and I just thought, you know…”

“Oh that’s cool, what community college are you guys at?” Tracy asked, nodding along and smacking her gum again.

Liv opened her mouth to say a real community college, but Josh panicked and spoke over her. “The- the California Community College.” Liv wanted to smack him. That was definitely not a real college.

“Oh yeah? I’ve literally never heard of that college before.” Tracy said, quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s real.” Josh lied, making it sound less real. “It’s good.”

“Yeah?” Tracy smacked her gum again.

“Yeah, we became friends there.” Liv jumped in, hoping she could help.

“Shopkeep!” Wolf called, watching a tween boy play a video game. “I have some questions about this boy’s murder simulator.” Liv tensed, shooting Wolf a look to shut up.

“Right, because you take a fake class there together.” Tracy continued, unimpressed and ignoring Wolf.

“I swear to you, it is a real school!” Josh said loudly, continuing to make it sound less real.

“Oh yeah? What’s the mascot for your real school?” Tracy asked.

“It’s a falcon-“

“It’s a real bird.” Josh lied again.

“Josh…” Liv said out loud without meaning to in the most disappointed voice.

Tracy rolled her eyes at them. “You guys are terrible liars like Pinocchio, and Pinocchio was wack-“ before Tracy could finish, Paul yelped, catching their attention. Tiger had him pushed face first into the bargain bin, holding his arm up behind his back.

“Why would you talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you?” Tiger demanded.

“I- I dunno- ow! Ow! Just let me go!” He cried. Liv and Josh scrambled over to them trying to signal for her to stop by waving their hands and shaking their heads.

“Futturman, you know this chick?” Paul wailed as Tiger tightened her grip on his arm.

“Nope, I have never seen her before.” Josh said nonchalantly while shaking his head at Tiger.

Tiger pursed her lips. “Fine.” She said through gritted teeth and let him go. “Next time he loses the arm.”

Paul stood up and looked between Josh, Liv, Tiger, and Wolf. He then glanced back into the bargain bin, picking up “Biotic Wars”. He looked from Tiger to the animation of Tiger on the cover.

“Futturman, did you hire like a crazy strong hooker to pretend to be this girl for you?” Paul asked, shooting Josh a judgemental look.

“No, I didn’t actually,” Josh shook his head.

“What a weird freak.” Tracy said, still standing back at the counter.

“Okay, we don’t have time for this.” Tiger muttered, pulling out a knife out of Paul’s line of sight.

“No! Uhhhh,” Josh sprung to action by dragging Paul away from Tiger. “We’re just gonna have a conversation over here.” He narrowed his eyes at Tiger as she rolled her eyes and put the knife back. He gestured with his head for Liv to stay with Wolf and Tiger so they didn’t get into anything else. Liv, Wolf, and Tiger listened in on Josh’s conversation with Tracy and Paul.

“Look, for the first time my life has meaning. I am going to help a lot of people by doing this, but in order to do that I need to get in contact with your ex.” Josh explained.

Tracy and Paul looked at each other with raised eyebrows. “That’s stupid.” Tracy said. “That’s so stupid.”

“Fuck it, you know what? I’m just going to tell you the truth.” Josh said.

“Oh God, no.” Liv put her head in hands.

“I beat ‘Biotic Wars’ and it turns out it was a training simulation sent back from the future to find the savior, who is me, and now I need to be in contact with your ex so we can get fuel for time traveling. So that’s it, all of the fate of humanity rests on this moment right here and now.” Josh stated as if it were a normal thing to say.

“Oh, yikes.” Tiger mumbled.

Paul and Tracy looked at each other again. “Why didn’t you just open with that, bro?” Tracy asked.

“Yeah dude, we’re here to help! Get that address!” Paul said cheerfully. Liv’s head shot up, stunned that they believed that.

“Seriously?” Even Josh was stunned. Tracy scribbled the address on a piece of pink paper.

“Here’s Lyle, hope he can help.” She handed the paper to Josh.

“Yeah dude, good luck saving humanity!” Paul said.

“Okay…okay awesome!” Josh was in awe that had worked. “Okay guys,” he motioned for his group to follow. “Let’s go! Thanks again guys!”

Liv followed Josh out of the store in shock. “How the actual fuck did that actually work?”

“See guys, aren’t you glad that we’re back on the team?” Josh asked proudly.

“Your cover story fell apart like a shit in your hands.” Wolf said gruffly. He was definitely the same old Wolf again.

“Oh come on, Wolf, I’d like to see you do better.” Josh said, tapping away at his phone as he looked up the address.

“I could and I would do it much better than you. I’m better than you at everything” Wolf said.

Josh sighed and stopped typing. “What’s with the negativity? The plan worked, we’re like a dream team!”

“Okay, you’re both back on the team on a provisional basis and currently you’re fucking up Liv’s chances by being a smart ass.” Tiger rolled her eyes.

“Yes Tiger, you’ve made that abundantly clear.” Josh sighed.

“You remembered my name, Tiger!” Liv was touched. Tiger rolled her eyes yet again.

“Tiger, would you please put on my mom’s coat. You actually look really ridiculous.” Josh said, trying to hand Tiger the coat. Tiger furrowed her brows and looked down at her armor. “Come on, Wolf’s rocking my dad’s shit, just put it on.”

Tiger snatched the coat from his hands. “Fine. Only because you got us the address.”

“And a ride to the address.” Josh pointed to a Lyft that pulled over in front of them. “For Futturman?” The man inside the car nodded.

Josh, Tiger, and Liv loaded into the back seat while Wolf got in the front. “Sunglasses At Night” by Corey Hart played softly in the background.

“Pilot, what is this music?” Wolf asked, perking up as he heard the song.

The Lyft driver looked at his radio. “I think it’s Corey Hart.”

“…I like Corey Hart.” Wolf perked up even more.

“Wolf likes something!” Josh leaned forward. “Turn that shit up!” The driver cranked the volume as they sped away. Liv was sandwiched in between Josh and Tiger. Tiger still scared Liv, so she was sitting very close to Josh. They drove to an unmarked building and Josh checked his phone three times to make sure they were at the right place. The four of them cautiously walked into the lab.

“Hi, what can I help you with?” A man asked as he approached them.

“Hi, are you Professor Karofsky?” Josh asked.

“I am,” the man said.

“I am Josh Pastman of Kronish Labs,” Josh quickly flashed his work badge so that Karofsky couldn’t see his actual name. “This is my sister, Liv Pastman,” It took everything in Liv’s power not to show her disappointment and annoyance on her face. He gestured to Wolf. “My assistant-“

“Corey Wolfhart.” Wolf went in to shake Karofsky’s hand. The scientist immediately felt Wolf’s strength as his hand was being crushed.

“That’s quite the grip you’ve got there, Mr. Wolfhart- ow, you can let go now.” Karofsky winced.

“And this is my other assistant-“

“Tiger.” Tiger said plainly. “I’m the mission commander.”

Josh laughed awkwardly. “It sure feels like it sometimes.”

“Tiger?” Karofsky raised an eyebrow.

“It’s her Burning Man name.” Liv said casually before Josh could come up with more stupid lies like California Community College.

Karofsky seemed to accept this reason. “Ah, I’m never more myself when I’m at the Burn. Namaste. What can I help you fine folks with?”

“Over at our lab we’ve got this special piece of equipment that utilizes a unique kind of biofuel, but unfortunately the manufacturer is kinda jamming us up right now, so we’re hoping you could take a look at it and tell us what it’s made of and maybe where to find more.” Josh explained. Liv was proud, that was a good lie! “Home Depot…Lowe’s…” Josh added, catching Liv give him a deadpan stare telling him to shut up.

“Look kid, I’d love to help you solve your biofuel problem for no compensation, but…” Karofsky trailed off as his eyes locked onto the vial of Cameronium that Tiger was fiddling with. “…that’s a biofuel?” His voice went up an octave.

“Correct.” Liv said, hopeful that he seemed willing to help.

“Let’s take a look at it.” Tiger reluctantly let him take the vial from her. He looked at it under his microscope.

“What kind of machine are you running with this?” Karofsky asked.

“It’s like a centrifuge.” Josh said, sounding as chill as possible.

“What kind?” He was starting to sound skeptical.

Josh’s eyes showed a hint of panic as he stupidly answered, “A really big one.”

“What’s it made of?” Tiger said sharply.

“It looks like microorganisms living in saltwater…I’m going to run this through the calorimeter.” Karofsky said, taking the vial to a new machine.

The four followed close behind Karofsky, watching as he dropped a tiny bit of the Cameronium into the calorimeter. Within seconds of the machine turning on, the glass the Cameronium touched shattered, making everyone jump.

“Jesus!” Karofsky looked down at the vial in shock. “It, um, seems that my equipment is faulty, I’ll have to run more tests in the back.” Liv sensed a shift in his demeanor.

“No. We can’t let that out of our sight.” Tiger said sternly.

Karofsky gave her a weird look.

“She means we don’t have a lot of fuel left so we’d like to make sure that it’s safe.” Josh said, growing anxious.

Karofsky studied the four of them. “Alright. It’s a clean room and I only have two hazmat suits. Your sister and the tennis pro can stay here.” He said to Josh looking over at Wolf and Liv, who exchanged glances. Josh gave Liv a look that she could tell said, “don’t let Wolf get into any trouble”. That and he also mouthed it to her.

“Stay hard.” Tiger mumbled to Wolf as she walked away with Karofsky and Josh.

“I am hard!” Wolf grumbled defensively. As the door to the back of the lab closed behind Tiger, Wolf and Liv looked at the other two men in the lab, who were quietly staring at them. Wolf took a half step closer to Liv, almost as if he were ready to protect her.

“Hey,” one guy said. “You two wanna try something?”

Wolf’s stance was tense. “Wh- what is there to try?” Liv asked awkwardly, trying to not seem nervous under their stares. Why as men would they be staring at her?!

“You,” one of them motioned for Wolf to come closer. “Dude, you’re going to love this. Eli, go get the stuff.” Wolf looked at Liv with concerned and alert eyes. Liv looked up at him in a similar way. These men made her weirdly uncomfortable. Eli got up and walked into another room.

“What are we trying?” Wolf asked.

“Dude, have you ever tried meth?” The guy asked. Liv looked back up at Wolf in shock. “You wanna try some?” He asked Liv. “Something about you tells me you haven’t ever tried meth.”

“You know what,” she said in the same awkward voice, this time at an awkwardly loud volume. “I’m gonna skip out on the meth, I did some for breakfast.” She laughed awkwardly.

The guy blinked and then started laughing. “No worries dude! I like you, you’re funny.” This helped put Liv at ease.

“Are you allowed to be doing meth at work?” Liv asked naively as Eli came back with a tiny bag of white powder.

“Connor, just tell them.” Eli said, setting the bag down.

“Okay, okay,” the guy, Connor, turned back to Wolf and Liv. “I think you guys might have assumed we were a normal science lab, but this is a meth lab.” He lightly chuckled. Liv looked shocked and Wolf looked lost.

“So,” Wolf cocked his head to the side. “You don’t know where to get Cameronium?”

“What the fuck?” Eli and Connor laughed. “Unless that’s some kind of slang for coke now, no?”

“Then…what the fuck is meth?” Wolf asked curiously.

Liv watched from the corner of the room with eyes as wide as saucers as Wolf jumped up and down and paced around the lab yelling, “I LOVE METH!!!!” at the top of his lungs while Eli and Connor paraded behind him cheering.

“I could nose eat this stuff all day!” Screamed Wolf, trying to lean down and snort some more meth off of the table.

“Wolf! Wolf, I wouldn't do that!” Liv waved her arms, running over to stop him.

“Woah! Slow down dude! You’ll kill your heart!” Eli pulled Wolf away, laughing at his enthusiasm.

“Where can I get more?” Wolf yelled. Eli and Connor looked at each other, but before they could answer Wolf had grabbed them by their shirt collars screaming, “TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!!!”

“Wolf! Holy fucking shit, let them go!” Liv cried. Wolf’s eyes got wide as he let them go.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, man. Let us explain something to you, what was it, Wolf?” Connor sent Eli to go grab a whiteboard from the other corner of the lab. “And Liv too I guess.”

Shit, Liv thought. His name is definitely supposed to be Corey Wolfhart.

“Step into my office,” Connor flipped the whiteboard around to reveal a detailed graph that read “Trickle Down Economics Of The Black Market”. Wolf looked intrigued and took a seat, looking like he was reading the graph carefully. Liv blinked a couple times. This was fucking insane. As Connor and Eli began giving Wolf a college type lecture on how the drug trade represented capitalism in its purest form, Liv was thinking about Josh…and Tiger too, but mostly Josh. It had been a while since they’d gone into the back with Karofsky, so either the tests were going really good or really bad.

Wolf turned to Liv with the widest eyes full of amazement as Eli and Connor wrapped their lesson up. “Nothing has ever made more sense to me in my whole life. “We have to go tell Tiger.” He bolted upright, excited to spread the news.

“Oh no buddy, see, we can’t let you do that. You’re not going anywhere.” Connor said, pulling a gun from his waistband and pointing it at them. Eli did the same. Liv’s heart dropped and she went pale as a ghost. Wolf on the other hand just simply raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not?” He asked. Then he burst out laughing. Eli and Connor shared glances and they started laughing too. Liv still stood slightly behind Wolf, terrified. She’d never been this close to a gun before, other than the one mounted on Josh’s family’s kitchen wall, but that was a wall mount. These were real and very loaded guns. Wolf was still cackling and Eli and Connor were still laughing along with him.

“Look, you guys seem like nice people, let’s just sit back down and keep hanging out, but we can’t let you go into the back.” Eli lowered his gun. That’s when Wolf pounced. First Wolf took down Eli for lowering his gun, then sweep kicked Connor while he was still surprised. Liv ducked behind a chair as Wolf pulled out a weapon he’d had concealed in his waistband and pointed it at the two drug dealers.

“I don’t give a shit if you won’t let us go back there, we’re going.” He growled. “Come on, Liv.”

Connor scrambled to grab his gun, but Wolf shot it with his, blowing it up. It was definitely a weapon from the future. Wolf grabbed Liv’s hand rather gently for someone who had white powder all over his face and they hurried over to the door that led to the back. Wolf whipped around and pointed his blaster back at Eli and Connor, who were trying to crawl away.

“That’s right, crawl away you little bitches!” He yelled before blasting down the door. On the other side there were more men with guns, Tiger was breaking some guy’s arm, Josh was being held down to a bench while some other guys were holding a giant jar of some rancid liquid over him, and a fight seemed imminent.

“Hard enough for you?!” Wolf shouted to Tiger as he jumped right in and started blasting up the place. Liv didn’t know what to do. She wanted to run away, but where would she run?

Tiger started knocking shelves down onto the gun men, and Wolf’s blaster shot must have reacted with some kind of substance in the lab because fire started to spread.

Liv stayed pressed against the wall in the corner. “Liv! Find the Cameronium!” Tiger shouted at her as she slammed someone’s head against a shelf. Liv’s whole body was shaking. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or adrenaline or both, but she was trembling. Before she could move she spotted Karofsky crawling out of the room and out an exit she assumed led outside, and close behind him was Josh. Liv sprinted in that direction, jumping over shelves and bodies she hoped were just unconscious. Tiger and Wolf dropped the people they’d been fighting with and took off after her. The trio ran outside to see Josh tackle Karofsky off of a motorbike he’d been trying to escape on.

“Get him Josh!” Liv yelled as she came to a stop. Josh and Karofsky got into the saddest, most anticlimactic slap fight anyone had ever seen.

“Maybe the little fucker has some fight in him after all.” Wolf said to Tiger and Liv. They watched as Karofsky grabbed Josh’s leg as Josh tried to smack him to the ground. They looked even dumber in their billowy yellow hazmat suits that they were wearing. “Should I step in?” Wolf asked.

“I think he might have this one.” Tiger said, stopping Wolf.

“Rip his fuckin’ throat out!” Wolf cheered Josh on. Josh had wrestled Karofsky to the ground in the saddest way. They were both just smacking each other. It was hard to watch, but at the same time, Liv wished she was filming it. “…or at least try to rip his fucking throat out!” Wolf corrected himself.

Karofsky tried to crawl away, so Josh grabbed him by the ankle and stopped him as he picked up his helmet and hit him over the head with it.

“Ow!” Karofsky groaned. Josh hit him again, and again until he slumped down on the ground. There was a brief pause as Josh waited for Karofsky to pop back up, but he didn’t, he was out cold.

“Yeah!” Josh threw his hands in the air. “I did it!” Josh pat down Karofsky’s suit until he found the Cameronium and held it up victoriously. Tiger just nodded and Liv turned around so Josh wouldn’t see her laughing. “I really kicked his ass.” Josh congratulated himself.

“Uh, yeah, it was the saddest and most boring fight ever, but you did it Futturman, you’re back on the team.” Tiger said.

Josh perked up. “I am? Oh, thank you! Thank you, I will not let you down!”

“Am I…back on the team?” Liv asked quietly.

“Fuck yes!” Wolf answered before Tiger could respond as she eyed Liv. Tiger sighed.

“I guess we officially have a team of four-“

“WOOOOOO!!!!!” Wolf cheered as he fist pumped the air and ran in circles. Meth was still in his system. Tiger and Josh looked at him, confused.

“He did coke in the lab.” Liv said.

“Liv, you weren’t supposed to let him do that!” Josh said before cocking his head slightly. “…how did you get Wolf to like you so much?”

Liv shrugged. “It must be because I’m so nice and pretty.” She smirked at him and Josh rolled his eyes.

“Are you two okay with being human sacrifices?” Tiger asked, but it came out as more of a statement than a question.

“What?!” Josh cried. Liv took a giant side step away from Tiger and closer to Josh.

“You heard the window-faced man,” Tiger said to Josh, nodding her head at Karofsky’s unconscious body in the parking lot. “We need another time machine.”

Josh reluctantly nodded. “Ohhh…and Biotics must have time machines.”

“And we know we can find some at the laboratory you clean, so we just have to catch one.” Tiger said. Josh and Liv nodded, sharing glances.

“Great fucking plan!” Wolf yelled. He’d been pacing around the front of the building. “Who’s up for a charge down?” Tiger pursed her lips and looked as though she was refraining from strangling Wolf. Josh got a grossed out look on his face. “I’ll take anyone. Or all of you.”

“No.” Josh said quickly.

“What’s a ‘charge down’?” Liv asked.

“Nothing! Nothing. Let’s just- just get out of here before any cops show up.” Josh unzipped his hazmat suit and carried it to the garbage.

As they walked to the nearest place with any phone signal to catch a Lyft or an Uber home, Liv finally noticed Josh’s face.

“What’s on your face?” She asked. It was sticky and looked like he’d poured juice all over his face and then rolled down a dirt mound.

“I was waterboarded with homemade kombucha.” Josh said casually, checking to see if he had any signal.

“Oh…my God?!”

“Yeah,”

“Are you okay?”

Josh thought for a moment. “…no.” He said simply.