heylostgirl - Tumblr blog

[heylostgirl]

Thoughts never go away. Would you go away. Could you please go away. When I could not stop these tears what should I do. How to stop them. Shouldn’t they stop on their own. Why do I have to think about stopping them. I thought after awhile they go away. I thought after awhile I’ll be okay. Why. Do I need to do something. Why are my hands trembling. Why do they keep shaking. I want to lay down. I want to shout make everything - ?? Why does rhyming feels good. Why does art suddenly calms me. And now it doesn’t cause I can’t rhyme anything with down. I am typing these words all at once. My thoughts keep going on and on. I can’t stop thinking. I want to stop thinking. These thumbs keeps pressing letters on this screen. Is it to keep it from tremblin’? Or is it because it keeps on shakin’? Pressing everything it can press? Why the hell did I not wear a dress? I should have became a little too beautiful to impress. Why did I think of impression? This seems like a depression, oh what the heck.

February 24, 2024 - twos and fours, I hate you now

[heylostgirl]

OMG THIS DAY. HUHU

My last day sa Norima. Super daming nangyari, super daming feels. Super daming love. Naiiyak ako. Umiiyak ako.

I started the day na bobong nag-expect na wala na gagawing work. So inis to the max ang lola mo. Super padala sa emotions huhu ang bobo ko

Tas sabi ko nga treat ko lunch bgc boys. Isip sila kung saan. Napunta kami Ramen Nagi, ayun nomnom. Dami ko talaga natutunan sa kanila kung anu-ano. Sobrang makes sense kausap. See below caption sana sa isang appreciation post pero not sure if popost ko pa kasi I wrote it bitter hahahah

After that, 12 noon, punta kami sa new resto/cafe sa bgc kaopen that day lang. Treat ni carl the drinks. Si joanna, gf niya, pala interior designer ng place. Ang gandaaa. Super cozy pero stylish. Di namin masyado napuntahan ibang seats/parts pero nung lumabas na kami dun namin nakita ang gandaaa.

1 PM, pagbalik namin office todo asikaso ng clearance si gaga and ayos ng IT assets at everything need isoli.

2 PM, nag-abot si icar ng dunkin, later that day mga 7 PM pagkasundo sakin ni roy ko na nabasa yung message nila sa box.

Inabot din ni carl gift nila sakin, nung una kala ko kanya. Tas tinuturo niya mga ka-team namin so sabi ko, “sa team? Hala thank you guys” tas nung nabasa ko letter galing pala bgc bois: dan, carl, gelo, jake

Natagalan ako sa kaka-chat sa teammates ko sa cavite. Napaka-sweet nila. Felt super loved that time ng sobra sobra. Did not know and did not expect na kahit papano they will take the time to message me. Sayang nga hindi ko nascreenshot kasi nawalan na ko access sa teams.

Kim: super super super super sweet. Mahal na mahal ko to si kim sana nagkaron kami chance magbond kasi bet na bet ko personality niya. Super click siguro kami, same pa kami swifties huhu I loooooove her sobra.

Leng: Omg nagsisi ako di ko sinabi sa kanya agad na reresign ako. Forever ko tong love si leslie.

Jang: Naappreciate ko talaga siya. Sa unang tingin feel ko di kami magkakasundo pero ganda niya kausap altho mukhang tama pa din first impression ko, pero siguro heavily judged ko to nung una I love her kung same office kami kasundo ko to with konting konting pikunan ng saglit siguro hahaha pero love ko siya super

Carlo, clarice, ana, nicole(?), kevin, at andie may pamessage din naappreciate ko lahat lahat

Ayos pa din me ng assets, sa meeting room, sumunod si andie. Ayun nagkaron naman kami maayos na usapan. Nagtanong siya sincerely kung wala ba talaga siya nagawa masama kasi more then a month ko siya di pinansin. Sabi ko, wala naman, wala lang talaga ko sa mood - which is true naman. Tas pinrangka ko din siya na ayun nga, dahil sa oversharing niya. Hopeful pa din ako na sana maging okay siya, ma-fix niya sarili niya kasi sayang talaga. And sana soon magkita din kami, want ko din makasama siya sa studio someday.

3 PM, nag-message ako kay icar sa teams. Long message. Sinabi ko talaga lahat gusto ko sabihin, kasi truthfully fond talaga ako sa kanya sobrang genuine niyang kaibigan naimpluwensyaha lang talaga. Na-appreciate niya naman, niyakap niya ko pagbalik nila which is na-appreciate ko din ng sobra.

Waitings ako kay roy sa sundo until 6:40 - sa time na yun, usap usap lang kami nila gelo at dan. Sobrang fave ko kausap tong dalawang to. Walang halong arte, walang halong takot, free ako magexpress kahit stupid questions di ako bothered, dumating nga sa point na nagkwento na si dan ng theory yata ni karl marx at sa utopia. Na sinasabayan ni gelo, grabe friday night tas ganon usapan namin hahaha, I’d still choose that over clubbing tho

Pagdating ni roy, hinatid nila ko sa baba. Sobrang alagang alaga ko sa dalawang yun (same w carl, jake kaso nauna na sila umuwi) I hope to see them real soon treat ko ulit sila. Sobrang healthy lang talaga nila kausap sobra sobra sobra

Ended the day na umuwi kami ni roy sa apartment, naka-motor. Lakas ng ulan. Ang lamig lamig ng tubig ang sarap maligo. Pagka uwi hindi ako makapag focus sa GOT kasi sobrang iniisip ko lahat, yung feels, yung events

I decided to open yung gift ng boys. Na-spoil na ni dan na pen yung laman hahahaha. Akala ko muji pen, kasi dun siya nag-aaya kanina. Tas eto pala huhu. Sobrang touched akoooo. Never in my life ako bibili ng gantong pen noh. The most thoughtful gift ever received. Inalala nila na ang binigay kong giveaway nung xmas was blank plain notebook. Naisip nila love ko magsulat huhu. Ayoko na iiyak na talaga ko

[heylostgirl]

It’s so fucking comforting to think na last day ko na dito sa hell bukas. Finally di ko na makakasama tong magkakaibigan na to. Finally, di ko na need makisama sa mga boys na di ko alam minsan san lulugar. I’m contemplating if I should do a tell-all sa exit interview altho most probably baka di ko gawin. Sana di ko pagsisihan if biglang di ko ginawa tapos dapat pala ginawa ko. Makaganti man lang sa mga pang gagago nila

[heylostgirl]

Kaloka tong magkakaibigan na to. Maniningil ng contribution tapos pag sila may birthday, ang mga cake na sisingilin sa team caramia, mary grace, etc. Pag kami kami lemon square, red ribbon, goldilocks. Special kayo? Hahah. Yung contribution pa naman is kung magkano ang cake divided by kung ilan ang mag-aambag. Kklk.

Nung ako, lemon square bakeshop. Nag-usap usap pa sa harap ko magkano ambagan. Tig-45 daw. Nung si carl yata, red ribbon. Nung si maricar, mary grace. Etong si tiffany nung tuesday lang, caramia. Tapos kinabukasan, si keem nagbirthday goldilocks yata. HAHAHAHAHA. Pakshet kayo. Magka-diabetes sana kayo.

[heylostgirl]

Sobrang anxious ko ngayong araw.

Before going to office naramdaman ko na sa dibdib ko, ang bigat niya. Sa office naman, tatlong tao sunod sunod na nagchat sakin ng pagkakamali ko, I mean, thanks for pointing out kahit di naman kailangan. I’ll be able to edit naman later when I see it, and sure I’ll see it.

Naka-full volume na ko ng audiobook, pakiramdam ko palagi may kakalabit sakin sa likod ko para sabihing may mali nanaman ako hahaha pota kakatrauma kayo.

Panget talaga mga tao dito eh. Katamad magtrabaho. Last 5 days ko nalang dito tinatamad na ko, parang ayoko na ayusin trabaho ko. Sila naman maaapektuhan.

🫠

[heylostgirl]

Okay, I wanna start to make this my rant space once again. Context: I fucking deleted my old tumblr account, na okay na okay lahat ng tags, theme, and everything else kaya tinamad na ko.

So ayun na nga. Summarize ko nalang:

Shuta, hinanap ko pa pano mag-bullet list dito iniba na pala.

Nakakuha kami ni roy ng concert tickets sa Eras Tour sa SG. Huhu. First time travel namin both out of the countryyy. Pang 9k+ yata kami sa queue kanina sa Klook. Tapos sa Ticketmaster, nasa 1.6M ang queue omg. Buti nalang talagaaaaa.

Tapos eto na nga, si Jang kasi na-sense niya na nagresign ako so tinanong niya si Clarice who responded "As per Ravi, (comment: fave nila tong phrase na to huhu kaiyaq) bawal samin manggaling yung sagot, dapat dun sa nagresign." Tas ayon kanina, si Ravi mismo nagsabi sa leads na nagresign ako. Ang bobo talaga ever since. So ayun alam na nilang lahat, pero oks lang. One week nalang naman nila ko makakasama.

Nakapagdecide na ko sa eenrollan ko sa Dance Camp batch 2 sa Zero. Wala kasi ako ibang option other than Basic Femme ni Coach Jaja, which was my camp nung batch 1, others naman are not my preferred sched or di kaya di ko type yung genre. Buti nagreopen sa Goodaz Gyals. Nagdoubt pa nga ako eh, pero eto na chance ko makapag try ng bago other than Femme. Female Dancehall naman to so baka slight lang and shock ko dito hahahah omg sana.

Ayun. Release din ng Speak Now TV ngayon pero di ko matapos sobrang nostalgic di ko maprocess yung feels kasi dami kong iniisip today.

Bet ko sana magpost sa wordpress ng scents/memories entry na ewan ko kung pano ko papangalanan. Ayoko muna mag isip today

Tapos learnings din and experience sa class ni Coach Jaja nung batch 1

And lastly, sana sana sana magkaron ng camp si Coach Jana soon. Sobrang type ko yung style niyaaaa. Altho femme ulit yun, pero love ko talagaaaa

Ayun nalang muna. Damihan ko na entries dito kasi pag alam ko madami na, mas nakakagana na magpost ulitttt! Byeee.

[heylostgirl]

OMG NAKAKATUWA MAGBASA NG OLD POSTS HUHU KAMISSSSSSS

[heylostgirl]

I have been using twitter for rants, months na. Siguro check ko isa isa tas kwento more here sa tumblr for more context? I really want to have something to read to in the future. Jusq kung hindi lang ako tanga na ma-delete yung tumblr ko eh. Kaazarrrr

[heylostgirl]

How can I convince myself to continue posting blog posts here. I lost the blog I had since i was a teen 🥲

[heylostgirl]

Haaay apaka ingay. Iba talaga yung dating ng ingay pag galing sa taong hate mo no. Ang sakit sakit sa tenga

[heylostgirl]

I broke up with him yesterday and did not reply to any of his messages. Today I got a phone call from the reception at the office saying I have a delivery. I thought it was the Shopee order I checked out that morning. Still thinking it was impossible for it to be delivered that soon, I went down and talked to the courier. It was a red bouquet of red roses and a balloon saying “I’m sorry.”

I felt so embarrassed to go up and felt anxious about everyone looking at me especially the teammates so I called Lorraine. She was so supportive and happy for me, I don’t deserve her 🥺

Tonight I talked to him on the phone. Conversation from 9:53 PM to 1:49 AM. I was a crying mess. He kept on saying “I love you. I love you. I love you.” And when I asked him what he was doing he said:

“Nire-remind lang kita.” 🥺

[heylostgirl]

So I’ve decided to dump photos on my blogs so I can delete them from my phone. I also miss writing. Since I have not yet decided on which blog I’ll use permanently; I have this as a new tumblr blog, my old wordpress blog, and a new online-diary-attempt wordpress blog I created - I guess I will just have to publish all new posts on all three sites.

[heylostgirl]

How do you leave when you can’t get out

[heylostgirl]

I miss tumblr. I wish I didn’t accidentally delete my blog :(((

[heylostgirl]

I feel anxious wtf

[heylostgirl]

Ikaw lang naman gusto kong makasama sa lahat ng bagay pero ewan ko ba parang I’m asking too much kahit pa willing ka naman gawin lahat

[heylostgirl]

Life update: I still have a life??

We attended a wedding nung sunday, di naman kami nagkumpara pero we talked ablut specifics ng wedding namin sa future hahaha

Then we went grocery shopping and took photos

Ano pa ba. Uhm, well. Nagmorning shift na ko at buong umaga akong tulog for the whole week

….. wala na?