himbomalewifeadventures

[himbomalewifeadventures]

Breakfast complication lol

[himbomalewifeadventures]

Fancy, No Milk Omelets

You could potentially make this dairy free if you use dairy free cheeses or just no cheese. These don't need cheese to help them stay together bc of their thickness

Note: The ones pictured here I messed up with the flipping but they still look good I think but do note that following the recipe will usually (ideally) result in a French style, folded omelet

Non-food items needed:

- Hand or stand mixer

- bowl for mixing and bowl/s for separating eggs

- 2 frying pans

- 2 spatula

- baking spatula or a large spoon if you don't have one bc you literally moved a week ago

Ingredient:

- 2 egg 🥚 - separate egg whites and egg yolks or get your wife to do it bc you have shaky hands

- salt and pepper obviously unless you're not into that idk these are going into the inside of the omelet so it is not necessary to use the fancy looking pepper🧂

- everything bagel seasoning 🥯

- smooshed avocado (I blend mine with a tiny bit of water 👍) 🥑

- any cheese you want for the innards tbh, I used shredded Colby Jack and a little of the feta I garnished it with 🧀

- feta cheese

- 2 tbsp diced bacon or I guess if you wanna use precooked bacon bits that would work? Won't taste as good tho. Might want a little less if you use store bought bacon bits bc so salty 🥓

- like 3 or so diced mushies (mushrooms. I used the brown ones from the grocery store but I would absolutely use other species. Oyster mushrooms would be fantastic. I wouldn't rly recommend more earthy mushrooms like shitake bc of the overall taste profiles but I'm not you so) 🍄

- uhh what you would consider an acceptable amount of sliced asparagus stem (measure with your heart) 💚

- what you would consider an acceptable amount of minced garlic (measure with your heart. I only put a tiny bit bc I'm basically a vampire) 🧄

- what you would consider an acceptable amount of diced onions. I used red onion bc that is what I had already diced in my freezer. It doesn't matter. Just remember this is going to have to be contained within the egg so don't go too crazy. 🧅

- **Optional** tricolored bell peppers for garnish

instructions

1. Chop up all the veggies and shit

2. Separate eggs. You can just put the egg whites directly into the mixing pan if you're ballsy

3. Heat the smaller of your frying pans on medium. Put your preferred cooking far in there, I assume if you use it a lot you know what it sounds/looks/smells like when the pan is hot enough? Is that just a me thing? Butter boils at the perfect temp to put most things in, these things included. Anyway it will heat up while you do the next step

4. Beat the egg whites until they're like merengue. Kinda like whipped cream if you don't know what that looks like

5. At this point the pan should be hot enough. Put all ur veggies except the peppers and bacon bits in there. Remember to stir them occasionally so they don't stick

6. Mix the egg yolks into the egg whites until it's all one consistent creamy texture

7. Put the bigger of your 2 frying pans on medium heat and put your fat in it

8. When the pan is hot enough AND your veggies are cooked. Try to time it so it happens around the same time, idk I'm not a professional

9. Put egg into hot pan. It will be thick. This makes it easier to flip. It didn't work right for me bc I have shaky hands. In forethought I should have asked my wife to flip it.

10. Put cheese and veggie mixture on top of the egg

11. When it. Uh. When it looks like you can safely flip it, do so? But not all the way, fold it like an omelet. You know what an omelet looks like. It is not the above picture but you know.

12. When it's done plate and put the smooshed avocado, everything bagel seasoning, feta, and peppers on top

13. Bask in your creation but not too long bc eggs get cold fast

[himbomalewifeadventures]

If a recipe claims that olive oil is a neutral oil try a different recipe bc wtf

[himbomalewifeadventures]

I have answered the siren call that I started hearing a few days ago when I noticed we had leftover mashed potatoes in the fridge and was growing ever louder every time I opened the fridge

✨ fadge✨

Recipe I guess (I measured with my heart and also didn't really measure sooo)

- leftover (or fresh, or box) mash potato

- 1 egg (or more if you have a bunch of potato?)

- pinch baking powder

- an amount of flour (just slowly add more until you get a somewhat sticky dough?)

Mix all that together in a bowl and then, if you're a gremlin like me you can just scoop it out with your hands and flatten into little pancake shaped things as you go, or if you want to avoid Sticky Hands, you can roll it out on a floured flat surface, such as a counter or table (put flour on your rolling pin too), then cut it into whatever little shapes you want. 🤔 I should use my cookie cutters to make dino fadge...

Anyway

Stick those flattened pieces of dough with some butter (or your preferred fat. Bacon grease is rly good but if you're looking for a more heart healthy alt I would personally use olive oil over avocado and definitely not coconut) into a preheated frying pan (on medium or low. If you have a bunch, go with low or you'll get icky looking ones later on that aren't cooked right) for like, 2-4 minutes on each side (the time depends on how thick your patties are tbh and I am not consistent)

Put them on a plate and serve. You can put like. Sauce or whatever but I just eat them plain tbh. If I were to use a sauce I should actually probably go for like. Hot sauce and/or sour cream over ketchup but I don't like ketchup that much

[himbomalewifeadventures]

Do you want to eat more healthy and balanced meals but hate veggies or simply don't have the energy and/or motivation to cook them so they taste good?

Life Hack: FRUIT

Fruit(tm) comes with Plant Fiber just like veggies, and it tastes delicious with minimal preparation!

Naysayers will tell you that fruit has too many carbs to be healthy but they are victims of Diet Culture, a known toxic product of Stinky Capitalism and Fatphobia (GROSS! 🤢 SMELLY! 👃❌)!

The truth is, if you're struggling to consume plant fiber in general and end up just eating Delicious, Delicious Bread without any additional plant fiber anyway, guess what? That's WORSE than having a little sugar with your fiber!

Macro (carb/fiber/protein) balance is FUCKING IMPORTANT and will help you get healthier WAY EASIER and, frankly, more long term, than any fad diet will!¹

Side note look how big these fucking strawberries are, what are we DOING? I'd rather have small, delicious strawberries than big, bland ones. (I know my plate isn't super balanced bc I didn't make enough eggs but eggs are EXPENSIVE. I'll eat a bunch of nuts or something later):

1. This is what my Licensed Nutritionist told me. I am not doing formal citation right now tbh but you get the gist

[himbomalewifeadventures]

So I wanted to make breakfast without using eggs (because I live in America and eggs cost a billion dollars per carton).

So I thought to myself, ok what about oatmeal? You can cut up some nuts or add peanut butter for protein and add some sort of fruit for fiber (I'm just working on macro distribution lately tbh). But to my horror, we only have quick oats

It may come as a surprise based on my level of ADHD, but I would NEVER purchase quick oats willingly, but I'm not in my own apartment right now.

So the issue that I have here is that I look like my ingredients to:

1. Marinate with each other to gain flavor

And

2. Be soft by the time they're done cooking

At first I was going to give up and microwave some canned spaghetti and eat an apple on the side of something but I did some yoga stretches this morning and I think it gave me more resilience than I normally have so I said to myself: No. I will not be so easily deterred from having a healthy breakfast. I will come up with a way to make this work.

So I figured that cooking the ingredients alongside the oats will be next to impossible with quick oats, so I discarded that idea altogether. I could, however, cook the fruit and nuts together in a way that would make their flavors mash together in a similar way as making them in a pan? Maybe?

So I gathered my ingredients:

For this I used an apple and some walnuts (I prefer literally any other nut generally speaking but that is what we had in the pantry).

I was completely done dicing the apples before I remembered that visual learners exist, and for that, I apologize. Basically just slice them normally then slice those slices into small rectangles. They should look relatively like this (though I was not trying for presentation. It's 6am and this breakfast is just for me):

If you're trying for a true dice I guess you could cut those in half but who has the time and patience for that? Not me.

Anyway, next the nuts. I didn't know how many I wanted to add at first but I figured I'd just have the same amount of protein as my eggs usually give me?

So the walnuts say they give 5 protein per 1/4 cup.

The average egg gives 6 protein per egg (I eat the whole egg. Cholesterol be damned)

I eat 2 eggs per breakfast, so I need just over half a cup of walnuts. I eyeballed it because I really don't want to dirty a bunch of measuring equipment, and also because when you're cooking (NOT BAKING) you really should measure with your heart anyway:

But Brad, you say, don't oats have a significant amount of protein in them by themselves?

...

I forgot ok. I could have entirely avoided eating walnuts, but here we are.

Anyway, ideally I would smash these bad boys with a hammer or something but it's 6am and I don't want to wake the house when my only excuse is that I'm making breakfast.

So I crushed them with my hand over the bowl. You could also break them up individually if you can't do that.

By the way, I'm microwaving this, and if you do that as well, make sure your bowl is microwave safe. You can't really see it because I don't have a fancy camera and it's kinda dark in the kitchen this time of morning, but this bowl does say it's microwave safe:

Sometimes this is done using one of these symbols (idk why it's not one universal symbol but here we are):

Anyway I put my apples and walnuts in this bowl

At this point you should add any sweetener you want along with a little liquid. I used honey and milk. You could probably make it pretty good if you used brown sugar and/or maple syrup but I'm trying to limit my calories, but I refuse to substitute water for the milk.

Live pacman ghost reaction:

Anyway I tried to microwave that for a minute but that is not long enough. I ended up doing 3 minutes but honestly I should have put more liquid in at that point and put it in for some more time.

Anyway, you can just put a little water in the oats then pour that microwaved mixture in and stir for like a minute and it's fine. No need to microwave the oats individually.

It turned out fine; not as good as the slow method, but, fine.

This was my breakfast:

I've been trying to limit my sugar consumption so my coffee is like, half milk, but you can drink whatever the fuck you want with this. Drink beer with your breakfast; I don't care, do I look like a cop to you? This post is about oatmeal, the rest of your life choices are unrelated.