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To the root: a self-love exercise
Oh, my stars have I been polishing the smudges I have found in my own mirror (MY LIFE) of late. It takes my whole heart to look, sit with, and hear these smudges out. It feels FREE. Baby!
I laugh at myself because this is what I ask for, to see my own walls, to allow them to be torn down so I may be of highest service and feel good while being it. It is not always laughter, guys. Sometimes it is curse, curse, curse, hot tears, dancing, eating lots of cheese (Trader Joe’s triple cream brie, y’all). Anger. Underneath the anger, grief. Beyond grief, life.
For me, it’s been a lot of awareness that goes like this, “Wow, you’ve been an asshole.” The game is always to love that asshole, understand where the asshole is coming from and came from, sit with her, hold her in compassion, and set her free. Not to allow that wounded self to run this moment. She’s the only asshole I have any control over.
It’s cool though because when you begin to be aware of your ego in the moment(that sometimes asshole), that’s when it stops being ego. It becomes another tool for presence, to witness existence. The awareness brings your back to the moment where the possibility lives. The asshole (really, just hurt that turned into habit) parts open us to more of our truth, if we choose to see it this way.
With all the wax on/wax offing of my inner world, I find myself again knowing this to be true: we have everything we need in each moment to be fully ourselves.
Another thing: we are fully lovable. In each moment. Messy, sacred, human, divine.
That has been a gift I have received and a lesson learned from my holding space for clients. Actually experiencing and feeling how loved they are, just as they are. Their made for the spotlight gifts and the places where they feel broken. The Beyond reaches out to us, using all that we are to “manifest glory”, especially the parts of us that feel the weak, unloved, unseen. Yes, ESPECIALLY those parts.
“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen. Yes, I will quote him forever.
When we see the cracks in ourselves, the parts we think are unlovable, our tendency as humans can be to look away, run from them, and/or reinforce our walls of defense. Hate ourselves or each other. When we do not allow for this pain to move and release, it stays stuck and is still unconsciously active in our lives, whether we understand energy or not. It causes more pain if we don’t give it room to breathe; energy wants to move, baby! That’s why energy work is so important. To look, see, acknowledge, know, love the mess, clear, integrate the mess, to vibrate higher, to be whole. To love, love, love. These tools are magic.
Here’s an exercise I use to connect with the cracked Haley Jane (say, crack again), and I hope it serves you:
To the root: An exercise to understand, clear, and love the wounded you.
Adapted from personal teachers and Spirit’s guidance
What you need: A quiet, comfortable spot, and your willingness to heal.
Sit comfortably in a chair, on the couch, on your bed. Make sure you are alone and won’t be disturbed. Study the steps of the exercise before you begin, but trust that Spirit will guide you in the steps when you begin.
Ask for your judgmental mind to go away, if and when it comes up, gently, but firmly remind it to get out of the way.
Place your hands on your heart center and imagine roots growing from your feet into the center of the Earth. Visualize a golden light filling the room and surrounding you in a circle from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. If you want to ask any enlightened beings, angels, or ancestors to join you for this exercise, do so now.
Close your eyes and begin breathing from your diaphragm in a box breath: inhale for 4 counts, hold at the top for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts. Repeat 4 times or until you feel ready to move on.
See your mother’s lineage behind your left shoulder, all the way back to where you believe you came from; over your right shoulder, your father and his lineage, all the way back to where you believe you came from.
Ask to be shown in your mind’s eye the moment when the pattern keeping you in pain began. Whatever you see, feel, or hear, trust it. Gently, but firmly, quiet your judgment and affirm your trust.
Sit with this image and whatever sensations or emotions come up. Allow them space to rise and stay with them until you feel it is time to move on to the next step.
When you are ready, fill the moment of pain with the same golden light you visualized at the beginning of the exercise, this time coming from your own present-day heart.
Give yourself a few moments to speak to the version of you that came up with the love and awareness of present-day you. You can use variations of this language: “I know you are sad/scared/hurt/sick. I love you and I’m here with you. I’m always here with you. You are safe. I love you.” Allow that version of you to do whatever it needs to. Cry, yell, play, rest, dance, sing, receive a hug from you, witness and join in if you feel called.
If there is anyone else in the moment of old pain that you still need to forgive, speak the same words you spoke to that version of you, to them. If it is challenging, ask for help until you are able to speak to forgive.
Radiate the golden light from your present-day heart in this moment of forgiveness for as long as feels good.
When you are ready, come back to your present day. Bring your hands back to your heart if they have moved during the exercise. Sit in the stillness and breathe into the freedom of the moment for as long as feels good.
Before you open your eyes, speak aloud: Sealed with divine light and divine wisdom. Thank you.
You have completed your exercise. If you are called to go to a specific place, take a nap, create something, eat something specific, allow yourself to do these things. When you notice this little part of you coming up again in your daily life, speak to it, breathe through it, ask it what it needs. You have to be the one that gives it what it needs, you cannot expect another to, though they may.
The more we allow ourselves to sit and have a conversation with the parts of ourselves that are suffering/wounded/feeling broken (instead of judging them), we allow and experience the great love that is waiting to touch us in these vulnerable spots, and through intention and release our very presence becomes healing for others.
The solution is in the problem, but we must have the courage to look at the problem face on and speak to it before healing (the solution) can begin. We must trust that when we ask it is done.
A reminder: You are brave enough to see the problem. You are brave enough to sit with your pain. You are brave enough to let it go. You are brave enough to allow the light in.
We create this world together. The greatest gift we can give others is to heal and transform ourselves, allow the experience of great love, and allow space for others to heal, transform, and be this love. We rise together.
“Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.
And don’t believe for a moment that you’re healing yourself.”- Rumi
Praying you hold space for yourself and others. Praying for healing, transformation, grace, laughter, and love for all as we create this new Earth.
Praying you feel damn good as you open yourself to greater love and play in the mystery.
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Naked truth: An open letter to the guy I almost clawed to death
Hello, that seems very formal, hi, hello,
I’ve learned so much about myself and partnership through your reflection.
I feel into the energy of what works and what doesn’t. How out of alignment with love certain things are for me. I guess “romantic relationships” are triggering for most humans.
I got triggered, yes. I am practicing awareness and grace for myself when this happens. I do not feel sorry for myself. I mean, I do for a hot second, go to the blame, the “how dare YOU DO this to ME” bs, but that works against my intention and alignment. Victim, goodbye, bitch. I want to be triggered sometimes so I can move the shit that isn’t me, anything that is not Love. It is revealed within the trigger and therefore can be healed. The pattern that is activated through the trigger is not me in my fullest sense, but it can help me grow.
I am love.
You were triggered, too. You did begin pulling back, and when that happened I went harder. I got my claws out and grasped, grasped, grasped and of course, that causes running.
I didn’t know at the time, I couldn’t see it, but now I do. I can feel it. The energetic cause and effect. Detaching from the story and seeing the story from the eyes of truth.
This is part of beginning to really understand and know yourself in these different spaces of play. Understanding and knowing another person. Of course, you ran when you were being chased. That’s what our fight or flight system is programmed to do. Especially if we have been hurt in a similar situation.
It’s funny. People(ahem, me!) used to do that on the playground; chase the boys. And the boys would always run. It was a fun game. Eventually, I would catch them and maybe kiss them, but that’s another story…one about boundaries, hehe.
My intention is to move from my heart, so that shit won’t fly anymore. That’s not from my heart, to chase, to squeeze. My heart wants to dance. To feel the rhythm of the moment, to be in harmony with all that is here. To be a point of peace. To radiate love.
I wasn’t doing that with you after a while. I was in my pattern. Overthinking and spinning into mania. “She’s a maniac, maaaaniac!”
The energy that works in moving things forward in business, as a leader, does not work in the space of partnership. This is an interesting insight on a dynamic some powerful women carry over in relationships. It’s time to release that junk, probably for all of us, because healthy relationships are important. Learning to cede the power struggle and just love is scary for the mind. That’s my intention.
I saw the pattern way more quickly this time than I ever have, and that’s such good news. Like, alert the media for the progress news.
Is this something that we could move beyond together? These patterns of fear, me getting my claws out, you shutting down? This is a common energetic dynamic in relationships but it has got to go, in the individual’s world and the world around us. Let’s not be at war with ourselves or each other.
I think of the Beatles song, “Lay down your arms, and surrender to me...” Some beings (Lennon/McCartney, George Harrison?) do understand and practice surrendering the struggle. Gotta be willing to surrender it. I am willing.
What if we learned how to speak to that energy, speak to move it, to open and be in the juicy place more often? Grow together? Move beyond, together? Cultivate the authentic connection as souls and humans, practicing compassion and patience. Expanding as individuals and, together?
How beautiful it is to play with these things with another. We are made aware of things much more quickly. That’s why honest, open relationships are so important! It’s like a big mirror held up to your face and I guess you can look away, but it’s really cool to look directly into it, to be like, wow, I see that now. Thank you, mirror.
The mirror of living always wants us to be polished from the inside out. Get out your soul Windex, kids.
I ask Spirit, “take me, show me, heal me,” and good lord it happens when I ask from my heart. When I really want to be healed, I am healed. Sometimes we hold on to the junk because it still serves us in some way. I’m not interested in that. Letting it go now.
Spirit, give me the courage and discernment to build the muscle to move beyond. The courage to let go and hold lightly. Open my heart to the highest compassion for myself and the world around me.
Committed love provides space to build the muscle to move beyond the limits of our stories. To heal. To show up beyond our minds for another. To show up in our hearts. To forgive ourselves and our partner when that isn’t the case (we’re still human and it can get messy). To commit to seeing each other not in fake conditional cheerleader infatuation (that doesn’t last, boo), but in the light of truth, speaking it and being it gently. To embody the energy of love and partnership. Forgiveness. Do be do be do. Be be be be be.
It takes two to dance this dance in partnership, yo. It requires trust. Heart. Courage. Taking responsibility for the energy you bring to the table. I’ve never done it before.
I know I show up in my heart in the beginning of most things. I don’t try or force, I play. That is why people fall in love with me very quickly. ;) jk, but really sorta, yes exactly. That’s great, it gives my ego a big ol’ boost, but when I begin to care deeply and move beyond what I’ve known with romance specifically, the squeeze happens, abandonment/codependence is triggered, shit. I freeze and squeeze and then I am in my mind. Nobody likes that, including me. My analytical, I’m the boss, make it happen energy takes over because it feels safer to my mind.
Ain’t nobody got time for that. Naw, dude. It doesn’t feel good in my heart or body!
I’m playing with seeing it, learning to breathe into that juicy, loving, liquid fairy energy that is me at my best. Also, allowing space for that old energy to clear from my body. Breathing, breathing, breathing, allowing, being. That feels the best to me. RELAXING into my heart and into the delicious moment.
Wow, all caps seems aggressive when I’m talking about relaxing. ;)
Relaxing and allowing is the only way to serve in the way I want to, in partnership, in art, in my healing work, in the world. It’s self-serving, too, because it feels sooo sooo sooo good. Unconditional.
You know, growing up (and let’s be honest, until a few days ago) I used to think being neurotic was sexy. I love the movie Annie Hall, I wanted to be Annie. I leaned into being complicated (I mean it wasn’t that hard). I think/know some of my drama is practiced, I am an actress after all. But little Haley didn’t understand the whole “la di dah” story being told in that movie. Also, Woody Allen? BOY, BYE.
I want to put my energy into playing with moving beyond and feeling into the juicy love, to cultivate and nourish it every day. Especially if/when the mind comes up. I choose to put my energy into opening my heart.
That feels really good.
I am so grateful for this new awareness. I had no idea I was still telling a story that was limited in this area until I did. I mean, I did know but was still getting some attention from it, some illusion of control. Yikes. I'm sure humans can relate. Using worn out muscles that do not serve what my heart and soul want, thank you and goodbye. All my heart wants to do is love.
Friend, if you had not spoken such truth, and if I had not been praying and asking for it… I’m just in awe of the opening. Grateful. Every damn time. Energy is amazing and never lies.
I know I’m a deep thinker and feeler. When it’s out of control, OUCH. When I get in my way, WATCH OUT. When I step aside and use it to take responsibility for my experience, ask challenging questions and let the energy of all that is flow, it finds solutions, it creates, it heals, it transforms, it is. I get to feel into when it’s serving me and others and when it’s not. Wow. That’s my forever game; opening, relaxing, opening, allowing love, love, love, love through tension, through pain, through challenges; open, open, open. Gentle, now. Using my mind in service of my heart (not the other way around like our culture might teach).
Dharma, baby.
Unlearnin’ the patterns and being the thing. The thing is always love.
I believe in love. I believe love is transformative. I want and believe in authentic connection. I am love.
I pray to get and stay out of my own way and let Love lead in every moment, in every space.
Thank you for the space to play, see, and be, friend. Thank you. So it is.
Being the thing,
Haley Jane
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Dear Mr. Hanson
When I was in 4th grade, Hanson, the wunderkind band of three brothers, was at the height of their mania and I was a maniac.
“They’re going to be bigger than the Beatles!” I cried indignantly.
“Sure they are,” my dad and his younger brother chuckled.
They could do it! I believed in them. I believed in us.
I dreamed of being the fourth Hanson. Living a town over from their hometown of Tulsa made “discovering” me a Real possibility. I would roll down the car window as we drove through the big city, leaning on my arm, trying to seem casual about my talent for MMmbop, wondering if they were behind the darkened windows of the car next to us as I belted it out.
Zac was my favorite. He wasn’t the coolest one (Hello, Taylor), but he was the youngest one. He was in my league.
So when the new girl in my class said her mom was “best friends with their mom” and how she could pass a letter to Zac for me, I knew it was fate. Not only that, but she had won a special contest on the radio. There were just so many ways she could get my letter to him.
“Send a picture, too. He’ll like that, ” she said.
I wrote my love letter to him on loose-leaf notebook paper. I added a Lisa Frank heart sticker to bind the ends together. My mom took a polaroid of me to send along with it. I wore my coolest 1998 outfit: black nylon top with white daisies and denim overalls. My dark bob framed my face and the ends flipped up a bit at the end. I felt like Mary Tyler Moore. “I’m not feeling well, but here I am,” was written in the space at the bottom of the picture.
My eyes were closed, my hands clasped behind my back. I thought I looked okay, but he would see through all that surface stuff, straight to my golden heart. He was Zac Hanson and he could understand me. He was famous. Famous people always understood.
To my shock and delight, I got a letter back very quickly, a few days later.
I couldn’t believe it. In the letter, Zac asked me to be his girlfriend. I was finally becoming the fourth Hanson.
“Isaac thought you were cute, too. But he’s 16, you know. And he’s dating the DJ at KHits.” the new girl said.
I wrote back a reply saying, “Yes, yes, yes to your question!”, and I couldn’t believe how easy it was for dreams to come true. I finally had a boyfriend! Zac Hanson was my pen pal boyfriend!
A few days later, after floating in an “I’m dating a celebrity in 4th grade” cloud, I got another letter from him.
Reading the first line, I knew something was off. Of course, because of our intense connection via polaroid, his music, and our letters, I could sense these things. Plus, it was in different handwriting.
Wow, celebrities change so quickly, I thought.
My heart sank as I kept reading. “You are ugly and you are not my girlfriend. Someone wrote that other letter as a joke. You are not my girlfriend and you never will be,” Zac wrote in the new letter.
The world as I knew it was over.
I didn’t know what to believe. My whole life was a confusing lie. Was Zac Hanson my boyfriend? Or did Zac Hanson think I was ugly and break up with me by saying we were never going out?
“Honey, I’m sorry, but I don’t think she’s telling the truth,” My mom had said about the new girl the first time I received a letter and restated it now. “Neither letter is real.”
“But, why would she lie? I don’t know why she would lie. I don’t think she’s lying, Mom.”
For a few days, I went back and forth, my thoughts dropping like petals from the proverbial daisy. “He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me.” What was real in this world?
The new girl called me at my house. I took the call downstairs at the kitchen desk. It felt darker in the house.
After exchanging a few niceties with the new girl, my mom asked for the phone.
“You need to tell her the truth. You need to tell her.”
My mom handed the phone back to me. It felt heavy in my hand.
“None of it is true, Haley. I made it all up,” the new girl said softly.
The room got darker still. My heart stopped beating.
For some reason, rocks I didn’t remember swallowing shifted in my throat.
“Why?” I squeaked.
“I wanted to be your friend.”
My mouth wouldn’t close. My heart, still not beating, came tumbling through my rock throat to lay in front of me on the built-in desk. The kitchen suddenly went pitch black. I looked at my heart resting there, lit up from its center. So open, tender. Exposed.
For the first time in my life, I hated it.
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The game
Hello, love! Here’s a game for you this week: Anytime your mind begins to spin with worry, guilt, shame, judgment, FEAR, reach out to serve another in the present moment. Text or call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Send a handwritten letter or write a silly -or serious- love poem. Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. Tell the people in your life all the things you appreciate about them. Leave a 5 dollar bill on a bench. Ask someone how you can help them. Donate money in support of something you believe in. Bless the people who are challenging you. Sit in a crowded place and radiate love. Go out and be the things you want to see in the world. Put your energy (including thoughts, words, actions) towards truth and love. Get out of your head. Get creative about how you will serve with love. Someone is praying for your medicine. You are loved. You are love. I love you. Get to playin’!
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Taboo talk
Let's talk about something we are not usually allowed to talk about at the dinner table. Money, honey. Do you have limiting beliefs about finances? Okay, I'll admit it. For a long time, I thought money was the root of all evil. I thought my starving artist life was incredibly noble and that making any money meant I was selling out. Gag. Where did I get that information from? Probably an old movie I watched or from reading a biography of an artist who died in a garret in France whose work I admired, or from someone I trusted who had that limiting belief themselves from an old movie or from reading a biography of an artist who died in a garret. This belief served no one. The only thing it did was give me an egoic hit and made me feel morally superior to anyone who made actual moolah. GROSS. It didn't help me be more myself, it actually caused extreme amounts of stress in my life, and at times, alienated me from people I love because of the shame that came from not having any moolah (okay, it's even a stretch for me to type money- ha!). Also, because of this belief, I would freeze when money-making opportunities presented themselves because they didn't line up with my "noble" struggle story. Very complex feelings around money- hmmm, wonder if anyone else can relate? ;) I quickly realized that my stressing over money was like stressing about anything- it was making me sick! It was creating dis-ease in my body. I believe anything is possible, and here again, I found my back was against the wall of my limiting belief(s) about money. Time to get to work and shine the light of truth on where I was getting stuck. First, I had to realize how terrified of money I was- this "root of all evil" thing and flip the script on that. When I began to see money as an energy and began to understand the difference between making choices (life, financial, creative, etc.) from neuroses (my beliefs that caused stress) and creating from Spirit/dharma/cosmic creativity, wow, it was a game changer. "Wait, if I allow myself to be prosperous I can actually take care of myself in the way I need AND have the resources (energy and financial) to help others?" It may seem obvious, but my deep-seated "money, evil" beliefs kept me from allowing this simple truth. But, geez, now that I saw how that belief permeated my financial life (and my whole life- mind, body, spirit) the awareness for the need for change seemed overwhelming. Do you ever feel like seeing the wound exposed is overwhelming? Like, "I'm too far gone, I'll never be able to dig myself out" thinking? I get it. My mantra so I can continue to be kind to myself when I realize I have been my problem the whole time is from Leonard Cohen's song, Anthem: Ring the bells, that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. And from Jay Z: You cannot heal, what you never reveal. First step: Shine the light of honesty. Next step: Give yourself a hug. Next: Flip that script! Forever: Keep going in faith. What are your limiting beliefs about money? I can help! You are love. You are loved. I love you.
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The most personal thing I’ve ever shared aka the TRUTH
"You do not have to be healed to begin healing others." Hi, darling creators! Get ready for some scary honesty. I'm going to share the most personal thing I have ever shared ever. A few years ago I went on a retreat to Joshua Tree, CA with an awareness group and coach I studied human behavior with (shout out to Point of Possibility!). It remains the biggest turning point of my life. We spent the days at a large desert compound that had been rented through Air BnB. It boasted hammocks for sleeping (beds, too), fantastic art, a shower with rose quartz built into the walls, multiple guest houses, fire pits, cacti, a huge pool, lion statues you could climb on, tarantulas, the dazzling night sky free of light pollution, Joshua trees with their branches like arms reaching up to the heavens, all surrounded by the magnificent desert. We spent the weekend with facilitators practicing yoga (once in the park at Joshua Tree), awareness work, and Family Constellation Therapy (you can learn more about that here). Side note: some people have a lot of opinions about alternative therapies and medicines (without actually having experienced them). I ask that you keep an open mind and heart, and I appreciate you doing it. In my personal experience, practicing and learning holistic and energetic work (classified as alternative medicine and therapy) has changed and saved my life and given me a deeper understanding of myself and others (quickly, too!). Of course, I always made sure I trusted my gut and discerned what was right for me personally (and I encourage everyone to trust themselves on what is right for them, leaving your ego out of it!). I am a Christian as in I work every day to live as love and have been ostracized at times (by other Christians) for being curious and exploring energy work (I am working on not taking it personally anymore, it's conditioned fear and I feel compassion when I get out of my own hurt about this reaction). Through this work, I formed an actual relationship with Christ consciousness and Jesus himself. Jesus is an energetic healer, y'all. I also love that the work transcends religion and/or dogma, leaving personal agendas out of it. Even if you don't use "God" language, you are welcome to experience what I call God, love, universe, consciousness, et al through this work. I choose to call it God. Okay, off my soap-box, back to the story. So, we are at this "spiritual-type" retreat and we are working with an intuitive healer Karie Gonia, who was facilitating the Family Constellation Therapy. My mind is already blown just by meeting her. She is not what I thought of as "spiritual healer"- I certainly had a lot of ideas about what that looked like, moved like, and sounded like at the time. First, she was wearing some fly outfits. She was not dressed in all linen with hair past her hiny and turtle shells hanging around her neck(not knocking those that pull off that look. Power to you, honey!). Her voice wasn't that airy "Ieee ammmm spirituaaal" type voice that you hear and are supposed to laugh at in movies. She was quiet, very sweet, warm, loving and funny. She looked and sounded like all my friends! She could have been me! After my turn at the Family Constellation therapy (wowee, the journey!), she mentioned she had noticed me immediately on the first day of the retreat and been watching me and she was so excited for me, that I "was ready to pop." I really had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, I certainly felt something was going on with all the energy moving in my body. I had been taking the journey physically with each person that had stepped into the FCT hotseat (crying, laughing, angry, TAKING THAT VISCERAL JOURNEY). I thought everyone did that. Nope. In her gentle way, she looked at me and said, "Haley, you know you don't have to be fully healed to begin to heal others." Huh? What? Me? A healer? I feel the resonance of the words in my belly now, like I did that day over two years ago. The truth of the phrase washing over me. The truth, brand new right now, though I've been living with the awareness for a few years. It is up again as I "come out of the closet" as a healer and share so I may help others in the way in which the breadcrumbs lead me. Field of Dreams stuff. I knew about myself in that moment. The light was turned on, or rather I noticed it for the first time. I would be given so many gentle and terrifying (to my mind - what will people think?!?!) opportunities to expand my awareness of it and practice after the initial lightbulb of knowing. My friend Matthew and I decided to road trip to OKC from LA after the retreat, stopping at or driving to the sights on the way home. Zion National Park, the Grand Canyon, Sedona, AZ. Through desert, ocean, mountains, canyons, fields, forests. Through granola bars and Chili's and Britney Spears and mantra music. All the while this new awareness unfolding. My vision becoming clear, like a film had been removed from my eyes and my heart. I began to see my whole life, past and present, in a new way. A new version of Self opening up before me in every moment, like the vast and varied terrain of the roads we traveled. Unknown but known. Pieces of my small self left behind and let go at each stop, given to the trees and the water and the Earth, allowing in space for the new. I told Matthew I thought I might start speaking another language at any moment. He told me it was okay if I did. I was hoping I had miraculously picked up French (I hadn't). I look back at that time, the retreat, the drive home, and the months after with such reverence. I had no idea what I was doing, what would come. I was truly moving in faith and wonder, and thank God. I was witnessing and uniting with Spirit, made brave by the trust, encouragement, and love of my friends. I was wide open and full of light, like the canyon I had whispered my dreams into on our road trip. My childhood prayer of "let me be a light in this world" was beginning to manifest. The week after I returned to OKC, I had my first Reiki session(which I now practice), with a woman I found out was also a practicing intuitive (they had those in OK? Who knew?). She told me there was a young man and a woman with me (Spirit). "That's my Granny and my little cousin," I told her. I knew it was. I was brushing my teeth the next day and my cousin wouldn't leave me alone. I turned on the television. I knew he was there with me. He was bugging me, like he used to do when he was little. "Geez! What do you want me to do? What is going on?" I asked him. He wanted something specific and, good lord, I was terrified to follow through with it. He wanted me to deliver a message to someone he loved. I called the woman who had given me Reiki the day before, who became one of my mentors, and I asked her what I could do about it. "Wait three days. Pray about it. Ask the person he wants you to talk to if they want to receive the message." Okay, it had already been two days. The next day, my hands shook as I moved to facetime the person he wanted me to reach out to, one of the humans I love and admire most in this world. She answered and after I asked her what I had been instructed to by my mentor she said, "Yes, I want to hear it." (She has given me permission to share the story, but I will not share specific names or messages) I took a breath. What came forth was not from me but through me. Love that reaches beyond physical or our mind's ideas or what is here or not, what is possible or not. Here was complete presence, love, and peace. It was a miracle and I had the honor of witnessing it. I was surprised and comforted by the message as well, though I was a little afraid my family member was going to have me committed. After the message had come through, she told me she had asked recently to speak to him through another person. That she had witnessed a friend going through a similar situation and that it was all coming up again. That she had prayed for this experience. We had both been given this amazing gift of opening our minds to the healing, gently and together. Her prayer for the experience helped me realize this thing has nothing to do with me, other than it coming through me. That regardless of my ego fears about this, it was my responsibility, honor, and great joy to be a part of the miracle of love in this way. Later, my mind would come up and wonder if it was a fluke. A one-time thing. Did it matter? Not really. But, it wasn't. I learned how to hone the gifts through mentors, classes, tools. Learned how to hold a safe, loving space for myself and the person or people sitting across from me. I'm still learning, and truthfully, it's all unlearning. Now, as I write this and come clean about what I lightly touch on in all my writing, half-way being honest when I talk about honesty, and even in describing what I do on my website (I don't really know how to label or describe it- I'm certainly open to ideas from those in the know), my big, fat ego (love you, now move out of the way) wants to keep on pretending I am cool (who am I kidding?), normal, and/or a very good girl and wants to tell half the truth for fear of being called names (tale as old as time, big, fat ego). I kindly remind my big, fat ego that other people probably aren't thinking of me at all and it's all good. Sometimes I'm a big ball of goo on the floor, sometimes I watch Riverdale (yesss, Jughead!) and eat circus peanuts, and other times I meditate with Jesus, Rumi, and talk to your grandmother who has passed on. Sometimes I am grumpy and sometimes I see light around you with my physical eyes. When asked, I become a channel for the highest truth and love. Sometimes I think as a spiritual teacher or healer I have to be Ram Dass right now in this second, but I am Haley and accepting her and using all my personality's experience is what is now, is how I can serve in this moment. Not by trying to be anything but what I am. I'm not alone in a cave (not, yet! jk), I'm ordering Starbucks and smiling at the barista, thinking, wow, that guy who just walked in that works for the forestry department is cute in his green uniform. I hope I see him again. I am working on seeing the masterpiece with love while continuing to paint and alchemize my work in progress life. But, as Karie Gonia told me, "You do not have to be healed to begin to heal others". If one person is lifted by me sharing my messy, sacred truth, it's a win. I am divinely human and a sacred mess following the breadcrumbs. So are you. At least, I hope you're following the breadcrumbs. Follow those breadcrumbs! Yum, yum, yum. Thank you for being here. You are loved. You are loved. I love you.
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Your gift to the world
Your alignment is a gift to the world. "When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of the soul, that is authentic power." Gary Zukav "Fulfillment is using that authentic power to serve others." HJP by way of Oprah When you are in your light (your authentic power), you give others permission to shine. Thank you for this gift. A prayer for aligning with your authentic power(adapted from Oprah's The Wisdom of Sundays): Use me, God, show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do and use me for a purpose greater than my self. Thank you for giving me the courage to listen, do, and be. So it is. Amen. When you ask, know that it is done. Shine on, sunshine. Your light matters. You are loved. You are love. I love you!
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YOU ARE A QUEEN
Put on your damn crown.
It is so easy to continue taking care of others by cutting off your own limbs, skirting your own issues, giving excuse after excuse about how things are busy and you don’t have time to take care of yourself, giving until you become empty, until you’re all ancient rage, anger, depression, resentment, heavy with the weight of the world, or settling. Not doing the thing or saying the thing that is in your belly and on your heart because you don’t want to rock the boat.
THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU’RE HERE TO DO OR BE. I will be yelling with all the love of the Wild Woman.
YOU ARE HERE TO HEAL AND TRANSFORM AND LOVE AND CREATE WITH YOUR SACRED WHOLENESS.
WITH YOUR HEART.
In our bones, in our DNA, is power, compassion, birth, destruction, fire, love. We are co-creating with the Creator in our bodies, hearts, and our souls. That’s why there is such resistance and fear when women claim their power. Systems come crashing down, illusions are stripped away, truth is revealed. That’s why we have been afraid of ourselves. Deep down, we feel how powerful we are. We are scared we’re not up to the task. We’ve seen that story reflected back in our culture.
It’s a lie. We are ready. YOU ARE READY.
We are rising. YOU ARE RISING. We are waking from the slumber of denying ourselves the gift of understanding all that we are and using it to be the change in our world (on all levels: global to personal).
The old ways of waiting for the people in power(on all levels: global to personal) to choose us, to accept us, to rescue our voice, give us space for our voice and essence is no longer. We are the people in power. EMPOWERED.
We must create the space for ourselves. We must create the space for each other. We cannot wait for them to choose us or create it for us. WE CHOOSE US.
It’s time to understand how you want to feel in this world. AND ACCEPT NOTHING LESS.
When you sense something out of alignment IT IS. Use the contrast as a reflection of your inner world. And then do the work to OWN YOUR QUEENDOM. This is not luxury thinking. You have it all inside of you, you cannot look to anything external to give your permission to exist and live. Because even in this day and age, there are still people telling some groups of people (global-personal level) that they do not have the right to exist. IT’S A LIE.
I was born a privileged white woman in Oklahoma. I still had to dig through my shit to understand what was inside of me. Because I am a culturally privileged white woman I have a voice that is mostly accepted by the culture, but is it still easy to my mind to speak up? No, because I’ve been conditioned to be nice, to shut up, to laugh off. I’ve been conditioned to accept and allow racism, misogyny, and oppression. DONE. My heart and soul will not allow it.
Any energy against something is still energy towards. So, I’m putting my energy toward personal empowerment, empowering others, and inspiring. My human heart hurts, but I refuse to push against what I have no control over. If I do, I prove it’s power. I choose to be a Queen who lives and creates to inspire, empower, and be a guide to those on the inner journey. I choose to put my energy towards love.
Affirm: I AM A QUEEN. KEEP GOING AND REMIND YOURSELF: I AM WORTHY. I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO RECEIVE ALL THE DESIRES OF MY HEART FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD. And watch life transform before you. It is your job to own it, and no one else’s.
On the deepest level, It is a gift to everyone: your daughters, your sons, your grandchildren, your ancestors, your husband, your parents, your descendants, humanity for you to own all that you are. They may not understand. It’s up to you to understand yourself.
It may be uncomfortable for the people in your life who you enable with your current actions, beliefs, words. But, please KEEP GOING. AFFIRM: I AM ENTITLED TO MIRACLES. Witness them.
Use how you want to feel as a guide. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT and ALLOW NOTHING ELSE.
AFFIRM IT LIKE IT’S ALREADY HERE.
It is.
Get to WERK.
I love you, QUEEN.
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The mouse, the camel, the teacher in everything
I am listening deeply this week. Everything and everyone is a teacher. Many times throughout this week I have flipped to the same poem without trying. I am happy to share it with you now. As with all of my brother mystic poet Rumi's words, it must be read and processed with the heart. The Mouse and the Camel by Rumi A mouse caught hold of a camel’s lead rope in his two forelegs and walked off with it, imitating the camel drivers. The camel went along, letting the mouse feel heroic. "Enjoy yourself," he thought. "I have something to teach you, presently." They came to the edge of a great river. The mouse was dumbfounded. "What are you waiting for? Step forward into the river. You are my leader. Don’t stop here." "I’m afraid of being drowned." The camel walked into the water. "It’s only just above the knee." "Your knee! Your knee is a hundred times over my head!" "Well, maybe you shouldn't be leading a camel. Stay with those like yourself. A mouse has nothing really to say to a camel." "Would you help me get across?" "Get up on my hump. I am made to take hundreds like you across." You are not a prophet, but go humbly on the Way of the Prophets and you can arrive where they are. Don’t try to steer the boat. Don’t open a shop by yourself. Listen. Keep silent. You are not God’s mouthpiece. Try to be an ear, and if you do speak, ask for explanations. The source of your arrogance and anger is your lust and the rootedness of that is in your habits. Someone who makes a habit of eating clay gets mad when you try to keep him from it. Being a leader can also be a poisonous habit, so that when someone questions your authority, you think, "He’s trying to take over." You may respond courteously, but inside you rage. Always check your inner state with the Lord of your Heart. Copper doesn't know it’s copper, until it’s changed to gold. Your loving doesn't know its Majesty, until it knows its helplessness. The gifts from the Friend, a robe of skin and veins, a teacher within, wear them and become a school, with a greater sheikh nearby. ~ Rumi Translation by Coleman Barks I hope you allow everything to become a teacher this week- disappointments, loss, joy, rage, the people you can't stand, the people you love, all of it. Let the great mirror of living show you what's within, what is beautiful, what needs shifting. I pray you have the courage to learn, polish, and laugh at it all. You are love. You are loved. I love you. Thank you for being here, teach'.
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The many masks of FEAR
“Who am I to do this? Am I a fake, a phony? That person is better than me. Who am I do to do the thing that I want to do? The thing that I love to do? Why do I deserve to do it? Those people are so sad, shouldn’t I be sad? Shouldn’t I be happy? Do I deserve to be happy? Is this the right move? What the fork am I doing? Why do I get to thrive when other people are struggling? Who am I to have this life? Who the heck do I think I am?”
Holy moly. I witness these little bugger thoughts(is that a curse word in the UK? Language is funny) on the daily as I am living in change as I committed to the next chapter of my life. Oooh, sometimes I start to believe in them and start spinning and, bless me, my shoulders go up to my ears. That really hurts.
Then, BAM I realize I’m smack in the middle of a pattern. Seeking love and approval from the outside.
All the thoughts basically translate for me into fear (dun dun dun): “What will they think of me?”
Snap.
That again? Ugh. Waking up to yourself, ain’t always pretty (at first).
After I remember “I’m witnessing these thoughts, so I am not these thoughts. I’m the witness” after a few minutes, days, months, it gets easier. I even start laughing at the pattern when I see it coming up. It’s a clue to where my perceived limits are. In the process, I notice who I really needed the love and approval from (myself).
I revere and love you people, but if I live according to the fear “What will they think of me” I am betraying myself and you.
I’m making you an object to get that love and approval for myself, so interactions become about getting from you instead of actually seeing you as you are and being of service to you with all that I have to give (it feels gross and it’s exhausting!). I don’t enjoy you this way, because I’m not really with you. I don’t enjoy me this way because I am feeding my fear. I’ve done it, I do it, and every day I do my best to move beyond. Telling the truth in the moment helps. I am healing.
I also play a game. I use my fear like a big flashing arrow, pointing to the action (or idea) that triggered it saying: This! This is something you really love and care about, lean in! You will be uncomfortable for a bit, and you’re fine/will be fine! OR EVEN This! This is something that really isn’t working anymore! Where are you lying to yourself? Okay, I forgive you. Now, what’s the truth?
Fear is annoying and also super helpful.
If not used in a healthy way, fear will keep you compact. Yours may say:
I don’t have enough time to (write that book, mend that friendship, tell that person I’m thinking of them, take a nap, walk, volunteer, drink water during the day ETC ETC ETC).
I don’t have enough money to (CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE).
I don’t have enough (fill in the blank here).
I’m not enough...
When (this thing happens) I will feel good. If she did this I would feel better. If only he would apologize...if only we had different politicians, then… if only he would take me seriously...if that person hadn’t done this thing that really pissed me off...If I only had this job/this experience/this significant other...if/if/when/if/when...
“FEAR” thoughts (wearing their Halloween costumes early).
Believing them and living in accordance with them is giving your precious energy away/disempowering yourself. Really, it’s not taking responsibility for your experience but putting it on the shoulders of others, conditional behavior or situations. IT HURTS and never satiates.
Flip those scripts, “ I will...I feel...I am...” That is a powerful place to move from.
A big part of my work is helping people take responsibility for their own experience. That does not mean we sit or stay quiet in the world, turn a blind eye to our brothers and sisters, or stop working to make our cultural systems better for everyone. It means we live with integrity and those things come more naturally, we can be more for the world, more for others. From this place, we have more space to be the solution. We are off the hook for each other’s happiness, and from that healthy place, we can actually enhance each other’s happiness. Oooh, it feels good.
Seriously, you’re off the hook for my happiness. My life is on me. I love you and I will forget and I then I will remember, but you’re off the hook regardless.
Thank you and you’re welcome.
Living this way, our precious energy can be used for fun and solutions and family bonding and art and science and kissing and cuddling pets and writing songs/books and learning and feeling the grass on our feet and putting our energy towards helping others from our overflowing cup and enjoying friends and dreaming big and taking aligned action and tasting this sandwich and eating cheese and laughing at ourselves and loving each other. Actually being present in our lives. Being present with each other, with the Earth. Doing the things that we’ve always wanted to do. Moving from this space, you’re free to do it. So do it. Be it.
And if you are in the middle of taking responsibility for your experience, feeling the shake-up and like you have lost the ground beneath your feet, you will be okay. I feel you. I see you. I love you. Go, you! You will find the ground. You will lose it again. Keep going and find a healthy friend(someone who has been through the trees and has come out on the other side) to talk to about it with. Better yet, both of you join in on the Saturday community call via Zoom.
You are all so beautiful. The way you feel sad sometimes but you get out of bed anyway. The way you breathe without trying. The way you love others. The way you are working to love yourself just as you are. The fact that you’re literally supported in each moment of your life and sometimes you forget(and if you don’t believe in a higher power, you’re LITERALLY supported by your neck and shoulders, by the Earth, by the chair you’re sitting on). So silly. So beautiful.
We’re all here floating in space on this big blue rock thingy having a human experience and WOW, isn’t it hard and tender and scary and silly and happy and sad and beyond description?
Isn’t it amazing that we’re all in this thing together?
We are. Without exception.
You are loved. You are love. I love you.
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Growing in Community
I love the timid questions I get about the community video call that happens on Saturdays. Let me break it down a bit and why I feel it's so important. First, joining a community call was one of the first things I did on my awareness journey (I hit a wall and needed help). The day I first joined the call, I was met by a group of talking heads in the squares on my computer screen (its set up like the opening credits of the Brady Bunch) and I knew one of the 10 people on the call. I thought they all looked way cooler than me. I kept my face perpetually frozen in a smile and I didn't say a word. Maybe I was breathing, but I'm not sure. I was terrified, but the coach facilitating the call, Lesley Demetriades, was hitting on something in my heart, and I kept going back. I didn't speak for a whole year and when I did, my voice shook and I felt like I was going to throw up. Newsflash: I didn't. I made new friends from all over the country and we could speak to each other in the new energetic language we were learning. We could see each other in a new way and support each other in a new way. We grow in community. The community call is a beautiful way to truly understand how not alone we are. Your story will help someone and their story will help you. It's the way it works. It is a safe space to speak to whatever is happening in your life. It's a safe space to just listen, because you will hear something you need. This community will pull you up. When you're around a group of people rising, you rise. As for me, I meet people where they are and have learned to hold a loving space for individuals or a group. I work for team Light. I see, hear, and feel energy (it is what it is), but I will only speak to it if asked (showing up for the call is a form of asking) and only to the extent of what you are ready to hear in the moment, in language you can understand. We're not in the business of establishing new walls here, honey! It's gentle and it's fun, even if it sounds a bit weird and wacky. When it started happening through me, I sure thought it was. In fact, I resisted for a long while because I didn't want to be seen as a weirdo or not be accepted by the people that I love. Now I know it's here to bless and I'm grateful to be able to be a conduit for healing and peace and to help others see and own their light. Here's an awesome thing an attendee said about the call: "It was like going to church! Opened me up to the next level of nut to crack."- SM I just love that.
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9/11
This day is always so strange. I know it’s coming, but it still sneaks up on me and I wake up feeling off. I feel called to do on this day, but do what?
I went to see Marianne Williamson, the brilliant author, teacher, and activist, speak a few months ago in Edmond, OK on her “Healing the Soul of America” tour.
She told us about the painting of an angel that hung over her bed in her dorm room in college. She didn’t know who painted it, but she was moved by its colors and essence. She loved it. A few years later she was walking by the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC, and the same painting of an angel was hanging outside as the poster for the artist’s exhibit inside.
I don’t remember the artist’s name, I don’t even remember what the painting looked like (she did show us).
I do remember she went inside and took the tour that day. She learned that the angels were each painted in response to German attacks during WWII. The artist said something along the lines of, “I will paint an angel for each bomb dropped.”
I recall the slumber party I hosted full of eighth grade girls on the night of 9/11, or a day or two after, for my 14th birthday. The barn in our sideyard had just been built and stood empty, the concrete floor brand new and perfect for doing cheerleading moves. We spent the evening on our bellies, painting our feelings on scraps of paper of all kinds. Painting and singing our broken hearts over what had happened in middle school community. We didn’t know what to do, but we knew we had to do.
It’s so easy to get overwhelmed by the seemingly chaotic world, feel paralyzed with fear, hate, sadness, pointing fingers at “other”. But, you can choose to be a part of the change or keep turning your head from the pain, but pointing at it nonetheless. Saying it’s someone else’s problem. If you are triggered by it, then it is yours as well. You must look at it in order to begin to heal it. Then, like magic you learn to alchemize your heartbreak, our collective heartbreak into wisdom, beauty, and change.
I know what I will do today. I will “paint my angel” in rememberance.
What if in response to this hurting/changing world we “painted our angel” everyday? Whatever that is for you. Letting our thoughts and actions be for and from love, would our lives become the angel painting? When we are willing to look at the pain, and channel it into our individual “angel paintings”, there is/will be healing, there is/will be movement. There is/will be love and grace.
I pray that we become a community of Alchemists.
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Uncovering your superpowers
My superpowers are my sensitivity, empathy, and intuition, but I didn’t always see it this way.
I used to think it was a curse to feel so deeply. To feel what others were feeling so deeply. I didn’t know how to honor it, in fact, I hated it and myself. I was ashamed. I was “too sensitive”, needed to “lighten up”. My shame around this sensitivity also allowed people into my life that used and abused it whether consciously or not. How could they honor it if I couldn’t? And did I feel worthy of anything else looking through the eyes of shame? Nope.
I did many things to hide from my shame, ultimately keeping me in shame. I became a people-pleaser so my life became about gratifying someone else’s experiences and needs. It kept me from feeling the feelings I didn't want to deal with. It also kept me from being me, someone profoundly touched by the human experience, someone who desired connection with love at ever-expanding levels, someone who could connect with people deeply and easily. It cut me off from my life’s blood. It also zapped my energy, made me seethe with repressed anger and act out while simultaneously feeling dead inside. Gee whiz.
Luckily, I was shown another way and thank goodness I took the opportunity to flip that script. Now, my sensitivity, empathy, and intuition are my superpowers. I am able to channel them into creativity and service, to see beyond for others, to use them to lighten, ignite, and light up. It is the coolest thing and my favorite thing. I don’t always know how it works, but I do know when I allowed my thoughts around these ideas to change, my life expanded and I saw in technicolor. Personally, I understand my gifts are not from me, they flow through me, so who am I to judge them (and who is anyone else to)?
Bottom line: I just had to accept my sensitivity as a gift. “Just” - hilarious! It took me decades and lots of love, support, and encouragement from people who saw me, honored me, and guided me to do it and I still work on it every day! But, goodness, it is freedom when I remember it’s Source and the way it can be used to help others. It's fun, too.
Your work:
Is there something in your life that you feel makes you different, something you see as a "curse" right now? If you don't know where to begin with this question, ask yourself where your shame lives and keep asking until you've hit it. You'll know when you do. Can you dare to look at this "curse" through the eyes of love? Can you dare to see your differences differently?
Also:
Are there people in your life who you have judged because of their differences? Of course (#metoo)! We're human! Think of one now. Can you dare to see their differences through the eyes of love? Can you dare to see where your categorizing of "different" came from in the first place? We all have light, but some of our gifts do not match up with our specific culture and subcultures' ideas of “gifted and talented” or even of “valuable human”. Guess what? That’s b.s. I love this:
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”- often attributed to Albert Einstein What if you made it your mission to see the genius in the people you came in contact with each day? What if you showed up ready to be inspired by them? What if you were the one who planted the seed that another person is valuable by truly seeing their value? Not just when their identity lines up with what you're okay with, but by seeing beyond it, by seeing their light and knowing that it is there. You might have to dig deep to see what makes them uniquely valuable. You may have to do lots of inner work to uncover the eyes that can see this. Do your best. We have our whole life to master this game. It is the work of a lifetime. We don't have to finish the work, we just get to do it. We all have judged others, tried to control them so they better fit into our idea of “okay human”, “good guy”, “ bad guy”. We all have been judged and controlled. Not all people are your people to pal around with, but what a fun game FOR YOU to see the light in yourself and others (even if it’s from waaaaay across the room) and appreciate and enjoy it, and if you feel called to, speak it, write it in a letter, tell them about it! What you focus on grows- see the light!
The game:
Wake up each morning and fill yourself up. Give yourself what you need to overflow with love and feel awesome. You can't give from an empty cup (meditate, move your body, look in the mirror and say, “ I love you, you look fly”, listen to music, sing, write, run, whatever that looks like to you).
Then, wherever you go for the rest of the day, show up to look through the eyes of love. Show up to serve with this point of view. Show up to love others in the way that only YOU can (with your superpowers and your unique presence, baby!). Don't forget to turn those loving eyes on yourself when you forget the game. Because you will. We all do. Go easy, it's the game of a lifetime. Isn't it cool that all life requires of you is to be you? Isn't it cool that the things you or others may label as a curse are the things that have the potential to help other humans, the things that lead you to uncover your superpowers and enjoy your life? Of course, you have to be willing to see it that way to see it that way. ;)
Game on!
You are love. You are loved. I love you!
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Labor Day grace
For a moment, I fret. I’m worried about money. I sit at my computer that faces a window looking out on a large roof of black tar, and across the roof, windows of apartments, like eyes staring at me. I feel a little like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window but no one is getting murdered and the windows are further away and covered by aluminum foil or breezy white curtains. I couldn’t be nosy if I tried. I cry.
Then, like magic, and certainly from above, a white feather dances by my window. Drops of air conditioner drip from units above and sparkle as they catch the sun. A dark gray pigeon flaps by. A tree I’ve barely noticed, shakes off a few of her yellow leaves and they take off, twirling in the breeze.
In that moment, I remember I have a choice. To fret about things that are changing, to sink into the scary story of what I don’t have. Or to appreciate this moment of grace. To remember how held I am. To remember and get to work on my masterpiece, my life.
Rome was not built in a day, and I am being transformed in my heart and mind bit by bit. My life is my art, a huge canvas, big as the known and unknown universe, with dark spots and shiny places. It’s interesting to look at what’s already there, how the dark spots make those shiny places and bits of color even brighter. I am so loved in all of it. I am doing my best to love all of it.
I laugh thinking how easy it is to loosen the tension by allowing the grace. But how the tension helps me open to even more grace. I laugh and I laugh and tears come down my face at the divine perfection of it.
I’m having a laughing fit. Jimmy Stewart, saved by Grace (Kelly) in Rear Window. Little old me saved by the grace of the moment. I laugh and I say, “Thank you.” It is a Wonderful Life. ;)
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Warning: Will cause expansion.
Do you know something?
You are extremely worthy of life and love. In this moment, exactly as you are. (not with more money, skinnier, prettier/more handsome, smarter… insert any of the human ‘ers’ and all those other qualifiers that keep us in "lack"). Deeply worthy right now, just as you are.
Know what else?
You can ask for proof that you are worthy.
The catch: you have to be willing to receive said proof. That means you get to release any of those deep beliefs that you are “unworthy”. This may cause the feeling of feelings you have been stuffing down with food, drink, distraction-however you avoid or bypass your pain- to come to the surface. These feelings are like the weather and they WILL pass.
Ready to ask?
Affirm: I am willing to experience my worthiness.
That's a good start. Let's expand on that.
Keep affirming: I am willing to experience the truth of who I am. I’m willing to release the thoughts and beliefs that don’t line up with my highest good. I am willing to be present in this moment. I am willing.
Cherry on top of your affirmation: Feeling gratitude for this moment. (If it’s not easy, dig deeper. Use a pet, a child, your favorite food, Halloween, Beyonce, anything to feel that gratitude. Feel it!)
Are you having trouble? What might be holding you back from experiencing yourself in all the glory, letting in a juicy life of love(whatever that looks like to you)? Be willing to take a look.
Guys, this is NOT a drill. It’s all happening now. Creating the life you want happens when you accept your now, take responsibility for your now, and choose to show up with love for yourself NOW. The past is gone, the future is just an idea, and even that is built on how you show up NOW.
So are you creating your future from "worthy" or "unworthy"? Do the exercise as many times in the next week as you need to answer that question: WORTHY, baby!
Wow. You're incredible. I hope you remember that more than you forget it. I'm here to remind you when you do. I can’t wait for you to see yourself.
Love you so much.
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I’ve got the giggles
This week has been a delightful doozy of living in my edge as I get my business up and running in a more expansive way. I shared the blooms of the seeds I was given and have been tending and that was REALLY SCARY to my mind. All the thoughts and feelings have come up to say hello, and my goodness, a few times I was tempted by the comfort of staying frozen in fear of feeling said feelings and the fear of growing. Tempted into closing my heart.
Naw. That's no longer a viable option. I have a choice in how to respond to life. Creators gotta create, and hearts gotta expand, y'all.
This week's assignment from Spirit, a life-changing, magical practice to facilitate expansion and flow:
LAUGHTER.
It was like rediscovering an old friend! I was laughing through my tears and at my fears, laughing at my old stories, laughing at the beautiful synchronicities and the way it is all unfolding in the most delicious way.
Sounds easy, right? ;)
It is.
It is SO easy to let go when you're laughing. It's easy to forget why you were stressed in the first place. It's easy to be lifted. It's easy to be Grateful. It's easy to be present.
So, in the Spirit of laughter resurfacing in our daily lives, here's a laughter meditation for you. Take this time to center, open, and let your laughter loosen up any stress that has built up inside you.
*****GIGGLE BREATH:
Close your eyes, place one hand on your low belly and the other on your heart
Breathe deeply and slowly into your low belly for 1...2...3...4...5 counts
Hold it for 1...2...3...4...5
Release your breath and smile for 1...2...3...4...5
Giggle for 5 seconds
Say Thank You out loud
Repeat as desired*****
Easy, breezy, you're born with it: this ability to flow through life. Remember, practice, and enjoy.
Thank you for being you, you little giggle box. I love you.
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