hmantegazzi

[hmantegazzi]

That surreal PS1 era of 3D graphics is ideal for the occult. So much of occult art is attempting to explore the ineffable, to depict something beyond words. That era of 3D art was dominated by the rapid onset of powerful new technologies. It was an artistic peek through a keyhole into a grand imagined future. Magic and vaporware go hand in hand.

[hmantegazzi]

Good day Mr. Farnon,

I absolutely love your advice posts, and recently learned that you too are autistic. You have spoken in your advice posts a lot about the importance of asking for help and finding community and knowing you are not alone.

I guess my question is, for an autistic person with absolutely balls social skills and a massive tendency to self-isolate, how to go about those things? Who is it okay to ask for help, and how do you ask? Where do you go for community, and how do you fit in there? What do you do when you really are alone and there's no support, how do you drum some up? How do you know you are being appropriate and not clingy and annoying?

(PS legit the first photo I saw of you was a cosplay photo and I thought, oh, it's Siegfried Farnon. Didn't realize it was a cosplay until I read the tags.)

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be Siegfried Farnon... ;)

So, being social with the 'tism... I guess what we're really looking at is being social with folks who aren't autistic, or whose autism flavor doesn't mesh with yours.

I've become more comfortable being social by putting myself in situations where talking to people is pretty unavoidable -- conventions, classes, and other group activities. Start small by just *being* around other folks (go to a museum or farmer's market) and work your way up to interactions.

Ironically, public speaking/teaching is a great way for introverts and autistic folks to get comfortable with people -- because you are running largely on a script and sticking to your area of expertise, you don't have to worry about small talk and other social rituals. (My sister and I are both on the spectrum and both teach.) There are teaching opportunities everywhere, from helping people at work to volunteering.

When I'm interacting with people, I also put on a bit of a persona. It helps me organize my thoughts, remember body language that is received well, and is a form of masking that I'm ok with. It's no coincidence that I go to a lot of events where I dress up in some way - it's kind of like armor.

Ring theory is a model I often use to know who it's appropriate to vent or tell tmi to. It's a very helpful model when you're the "helper" and not the person in crisis, because it prevents you from accidentally venting back to the person in pain and making them feel like shit for "bothering" you.

Obviously, spaces like tumblr, where we're all friendly weirdos, throw this off a little -- but even here when I vent or talk about taboo subjects like genitalia & being trans, I am doing so from an informative position to a large, mostly anonymous audience that wants to be here; I'd never just start talking about my dick in a mutual's DMs. Likewise, when I write smut, I know that is for an audience seeking it; it isn't exactly a topic I post about aside from AO3.

It's the same when I ask for help -- I look to people close to me, and/or those who have had similar experiences. Closer people get more emotional backstory, remote people get less details. So, if I need a mental health day, I'll tell my spouse I'm super depressed and frustrated at life, but I'll tell my boss I am simply taking a sick day.

As autistic people, we tend to like details. But personal details from someone you don't know well are overwhelming for most people to know what to do with, especially when they come with little context or have little to do with their own lives. (This is why when I come out to strangers, they don't get all the trauma backstory, but only current, relevant facts. "Fyi, I am trans, so my background check will come back with [x] flagged.")

Asking for help is an exercise in setting aside your pride and fear of being judged. And if it's for something that may seem overwhelming to others, consider picking a small, achievable goal -- "I am changing my name and need someone to double check my forms" vs "I need help with my transition" or "I need help moving trash bags out of the garage" vs "I need help with my hoarding problem".

Avoiding being clingy is about giving equal time to your friends and those helping you. I have to constantly remember that conversations are like a game of catch -- don't hoard the ball and throw it back in a way that's easy for the other person to catch. That means asking questions back to the other person to allow them to relate in some way. And sometimes, doing nothing and saying nothing - just existing comfortably in a room or car with another person - is valuable. Just how space in a room is valuable, space in a relationship is, as well.

When I can't find support from others, I look to art and stories. You're never alone with your struggles -- someone, be it a real person or a fictional character, has shared your problems. As I consume these stories, I look for folks who also find something resonating within them - this tends to be how I also stumble across communities, via my fandoms.

But I also have to remember that not everyone processes fandoms the same way, especially when there is trauma involved. That people are bigger than their fandom interests, and that trauma-bonding isn't a good way to sustain a relationship. So, as you build community here, remember to take a break from the fandom stuff and branch out -- share other hobbies and interests so you can continue to grow as a person and make more connections.

Sorry this is a little rambly, but as a "how to people" answer, I hope there's a few good tidbits. Other autistic folks are more than welcome to chime in. :)

[hmantegazzi]

Living organisms are assumed to produce same-species offspring. Here, we report a shift from this norm in Messor ibericus, an ant that lays individuals from two distinct species. In this life cycle, females must clone males of another species because they require their sperm to produce the worker caste. As a result, males from the same mother exhibit distinct genomes and morphologies, as they belong to species that diverged over 5 million years ago. The evolutionary history of this system appears as sexual parasitism that evolved into a natural case of cross-species cloning, resulting in the maintenance of a male-only lineage cloned through distinct species’ ova. We term females exhibiting this reproductive mode as xenoparous, meaning they give birth to other species as part of their life cycle.

[hmantegazzi]

youre monogamous? oh… it’s ethical, right? ethical monogamy? okay good for you! i mean pretty much every monogamous couple i’ve met didn’t work out but maybe you guys will beat the odds! haha. so is it a sex thing? you guys have sex with- just each other? huh. how does that work? i could never do monogamy, i’m too jealous, i’d worry my partner would leave me for someone else instead of dating us both… how do you deal with the jealousy? is it hard? like, how hard? extremely? do you think you’ll break up? i mean in the long run these things rarely work out,

[hmantegazzi]

From a combo of how things have just fundamentally changed since the election, and MAGA screaming crying throwing up about whatever new culture war thing that triggers them every six days, I think on the liberal side you're going to see less of "public canceling" and just a lot more "quiet canceling."

Like when some celebrity does deranged conservative shit or whatever, I don't see a lot of calls to "cancel" them. Just a more quiet understanding of "Okay, fuck you then" and moving on to ignoring them, removing them from the conversation entirely. Like how people are trying to get others to understand that no amount of calling out JKR's transphobia is going to move her, and no amount of publicly shaming people for reading Harry Potter is moving them, so the only way to really move on is to stop talking about her and her properties. Same with Dave Chappelle, etc.

We saw this play out most recently with Sydney Sweeney and her "good jeans/genes." Cons wanted to make this into a public canceling because that's what they've learned to respond to. But the overwhelming liberal response to that was "Whatever" and then a possible quiet boycotting of American Eagle that led to a 8% sales decrease after the ad.

In a lot of ways I think this could be a positive change. It's ultimately better to not have these people have so much rent-free space in your head, so it's better to be able to say "Ok, bye" and move on. It also makes the cons look like the hysterical ones to the normies. These people long to be martyrs. We don't have to be the ones to put them on the cross.

[hmantegazzi]

In Sikh temples (gurdwaras), anyone—of any background—can share the free communal meal called langar. It’s a core Sikh practice symbolizing equality and service; many gurdwaras serve it after worship, and some offer it throughout the day. There’s no payment or expectation—just sit, eat, and be welcomed.

[hmantegazzi]

my sweet and kind butch grandmother (photo by carlo alberto, 2025)

[hmantegazzi]

Not only is having intergenerational friendships literally not creepy, imho it's actually essential. You NEED friends who are older to do things like help you when there's a problem with your taxes, and give you job advice, and relationship advice, and especially if you are part of a marginalized group, and especially if you're part of a marginalized group and don't have contact with a ton of other members of it, you need older friends to show you that there IS a future for you, for people like you, and what it looks like, and the way it doesn't even have to involve turning into your parents

[hmantegazzi]

Former living weapon absolutely dominating at laser tag

[hmantegazzi]

is she exhibiting "male socialization" or is she learning to advocate for herself and take up space, something we once understood to be feminist and progressive?

[hmantegazzi]

STOP. moment of gratitude for those precious times of breathing from your nostrils when you don't have a stuffy nose

[hmantegazzi]

[hmantegazzi]

A nice moment with some buds at a pool party had me reflecting 🥰

[hmantegazzi]

when you’re reading fanfiction and you get so involved in the story you start imagining different scenarios in that same universe and then it’s fanfiction fanfiction

[hmantegazzi]

My mom before I came out as trans: 😱 you didn’t shave your pits and legs??? 😰 someone might see this!!! Girls have to shave their body hair cause they’re cleaner than men, that’s why I won’t say anything about your brother’s, but you? This is humiliating, I can’t believe you wouldn’t shave when someone might see it 😠

My mom after I came out as trans: you know, men shave their legs and armpits too. Plenty of them do. It’s a normal and common thing. Especially professional male swimmers, which you’re not. Dont let being a man keep you from shaving. I still won’t say anything to your brother about his body hair. Don’t question that too hard.

[hmantegazzi]

"Based on data gleaned from the nearly 10 million military dependents it insures, the U.S. Department of Defense has repeatedly called the evidence supporting ABA “weak,” noting there is no research to determine whether the small number of participants who show improvement — 15% — do so because of treatment or simply because a child has matured. After a year of the therapy, the department reported to Congress in 2019, 76% of 16,000 participating autistic children saw no change, and 9% worsened."

[hmantegazzi]

five essential juggling patterns anyone should know

#5: very simple trick, too elementary to name

#4: the stretch

#3: zzwzs

#2: the pole

and finally: #1: rubinstein's revenge (variation)