hoaxstan13

[hoaxstan13]

Lockwood: I'M THE REAL LOCKWOOD!

Not-wood: NO I'M THE REAL LOCKWOOD!

Lucy: Alright, which one should we shoot?

George: There's only one way to find out.

George: How do you spell bananas?

Not-wood, no beat whatsoever: B-A-N-A-N-A-S

*cue George respectfully stabbing Not-wood a few times*

George: Wrong answer.

Lucy: GEORGE THAT IS HOW YOU SPELL BANANAS!

George: Yeah but Lockwood sings the song.

*gestures to Lockwood doing the macarena on beat while singing Hollaback Girl*

Lockwood: It's bananas!

Lockwood: B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

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Pekka: If you had to choose between Jesper and all the kruge I have in my pocket, which would you take?

Kaz: That depends... how much kruge we talking?

Jesper: KAZ!

Pekka: 62 kruge.

Kaz: I'll take the kruge.

Jesper: *flailing his arms around* KAZ!

[hoaxstan13]

i think i'm funny don't i.

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Gus: Second thing on my list of least favorite things: Earthquakes.

Gus: I'm unstable enough as it is.

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Wylan: I don't think you're the gift, Matthias.

Kaz: Yeah. Who would want Matthias?

Nina: Um, me?!

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George: Sorry I'm late. I was... doing things.

*thumping noises*

Kipps: *heavy panting* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

George: 'Pushed' is such a strong word. I prefer to call it 'giving you a little nudge' >:)

Kipps: Oh I'll give you a little nudge when I shove my foot up your ass!

George: Hey!

George: Watch your fucking language in front of the inspector.

*points to Barnes who is sitting in a wheely chair rethinking his entire life*

[hoaxstan13]

Textposts as things my classmates (me included) have said pt. 5

Lockwood: I think I forgot something.

Lucy: Your phone? Your coat? What else could you forget?

Lockwood: Oh now I remember.

Lockwood: I forgot my will to live. Gimme a second.

[hoaxstan13]

The Crows as John Mulaney Quotes

Wylan: You could pour soup into my lap and I'd probably apologize to you!

Matthias: I'll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day I'll die.

Jesper making a distraction: Cus there's a horse! Loose in the hospital!

Inej: I am very small, and have no money. So you you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Kaz: And without looking up at me, my dad just said, 'You have the moral backbone of a choclate eclair'.

Nina: And I said no. You know, like a liar.

Also Kaz: Shut up, you're all gonna die! Street smarts!

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The Crows as Taylor Swift Albums (SPOILERS)

Kaz: 'Reputation'. Because it's Kaz Brekker, like, how can you not imagine him screaming 'Don't Blame Me'??? Seriously...

Inej: 'Red'. I haven't really listened to all of this one, but idk it fits her vibe.

Jesper: '1989'. Yes, Jesper would like pop-esque Taylor Swift music. Another reason he's one of my top kin.

Nina: 'Lover'. 'I Forgot That You Existed' is literally her jam, along with 'Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince' :)

Matthias: 'Folklore'. Most of the songs are about people/lovers leaving, not to mention the cover fits Matthias's ✨aesthetic✨ (him listening 'august' would be the death of me-) (it was the death of him lol)

Wylan: 'Fearless'. Inej and Wylan screaming and laughing at the other Crows cuz they're the only ones with their fav album being rerecorded.

[hoaxstan13]

Textposts as things my classmates (me included) have said pt. 4

Lockwood: Haha that's so gay.

Holly: Lockwood! That's so mean! You have gay friends like me!

Lockwood:...

Lockwood: Does she realize that-

Lucy: Nah she doesn't just go with it.

Lucy: Her gaydar's been broken for the past month she hasn't picked on the fact I think girls are hot.

[hoaxstan13]

Textposts as things my classmates (me included) have said pt. 3

George: Who would you rather date: a black guy or a white guy?

Holly: A woman.

Lucy: *spits out drink*

[hoaxstan13]

Y'ALL

I WROTE A FANFIC

https://archiveofourown.org/users/noidontakecriticism/pseuds/noidontakecriticism

(please read)

It's Lockwood and Co., I hope to post more soon :)

[hoaxstan13]

Textposts as things my classmates (me included) have said pt. 2

Eda: Do you get it? Don't step over the line okay? Or we go to war kid.

King: *puts his hand over the invisible line*

Eda: *smacks it*

Eda: *in Batman tone* We're at war now kid.

[hoaxstan13]

Textposts as things my classmates (me included) have said pt. 1

Luz: Ahh, what's it called...

Luz: Oh, manufactured chicken outsides!

Willow:...

Willow: You- you mean breading...?

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(SPOILERS FOR ARC OF A SCYTHE)

Goddard: NO! NOT THE OTHER 93% OF MY BODY!! CURSE YOU ROWAN!

Goddard: *looks at tyger's dead body* what is this-

the scythedom: AAAAAAAAAH!

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(SPOILERS FOR ARC OF A SCYTHE)

Faraday: Bro what's your body count?

Rowan: Oh me? Dang like thirty now.

Citra: Oh my god you are a hoe!

Rowan: How does that make me a- Wait are we talking about people we've slept with?

Faraday: Ye-yeah...?

Rowan: Oh. Well, I've never done that yet :)

Faraday: Then- then why did you say thirty...?

Rowan: Hehe...

*puts on scythe lucifer robe*

Citra: BRO WHAT DOES THIRTY MEAN?!

[hoaxstan13]

Hunter, sniffing: Calm down, I'm probably not sick. It might just be allergies.

Luz: Okay, tell me this, are you like, really tired?

Hunter: I have depression, what do you think?