homewrecking

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Hit 100 followers so I no longer know what to do with myself Hi everyone I’m making dinner tonight & you are all invited. We are having hot honey ginger chicken & white rice:] Hold on I’ll show you

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Hit 100 followers so I no longer know what to do with myself Hi everyone I’m making dinner tonight & you are all invited. We are having hot honey ginger chicken & white rice:] Hold on I’ll show you

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Really bizarre to witness the general consensus go from “transandrophobia is fake, anti-transmasculinity is the more accurate language” to “anti-transmasculinity is fake because anything associated with activism for transmascs is Stupid”. The goalpost won’t ever stop moving. Cis radfems have been this way about transmascs for as long as I can remember, so it makes sense that with a bunch of white queers getting into radical feminism we’d end up here eventually, but at least the stupidity is becoming increasingly transparent. Like atp all u can do is laugh. “Hrmm Actually I’ve made the executive decision that transmascs dont experience any real-world problems at all. because admitting that would give me transandrobro cooties” listen to yourself

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Nothing quite like the Sweet Simply Southern experience of ripping up the moldy, muddy carpet of your old home, destroying your soaked-through wooden furniture with a hammer as you try to rebuild the foundation of your entire life, desperately trying to maintain the F in Functional Alcoholic— with the added background static of 100,000 angry Californians & New Englanders on the internet telling you that you voted for this so you can’t complain, you’re an uneducated animal who deserves the suffering, deserves to lose your loved ones, should’ve died instead & it’s all your fault

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as far as transmisogony and making tma or tme its specifically the criticism of expressions of femininity, it’s mysogony that transfems face where their femininity is seen as false and a performance and a threat to masculinity. this isn’t well explained, it is better explained in whipping girl, but it’s not to say that trans men don’t face mysogony or transphobia or our own intersection, but that in the case of being transfem it’s a threat to the social status of masculinity and femininity / the man and woman social groups. Julia Serrano explains that masculinity isn’t questioned or challenged in the way that femininity is inherently in society and that expressing femininity comes with an inherent stigma that masculinity doesn’t

You are yelling at clouds & still somehow doing it poorly

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Anyways. If you’re one of hundreds of thousands of transsexual Americans like me & you get your hormones from Planned Parenthood, it’s probably time to start looking for other options if you haven’t already. I love you & I’m sorry.

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Came out to my (white) gay guy friend as trans after 3 years of him crushing on me bc I was a butch lez (we’re both old people, soz, that’s just how it is sometimes lol) & his first response to me being on T was overplayed visible disgust followed up by “please god never become a drag queen” (he’s a drag queen) “trans boy drag queens are so nasty”. Like he instantly assumed I was transitioning to be more like his idea of cis manhood & for him personally that meant transitioning to become a skinny hairless ‘theyfab’ (to cheat at drag ofc) for the purpose of performing in HIS show dressed as a woman (cheating btw. dunno if i mentioned that. cis men in the drag community down South often call this cheating.). Went on to elaborate that I wasn’t fuckable to him anymore because my identity is cringeeeee. But yeah cis white gay men don’t have an issue w/ transandrophobia at all! Absolutely no hidden bias there yup yup 🫶 Whatever you say

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Loving this energy

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i did not spend multiple years in school being treated like a predatory threat in the girls locker room for being intersex and autistic just for these fuckers to claim that people AFAB are not capable of being seen as predatory

my entire life has been marked by violence for not fitting into the tiny box society tried to shove me in. i have spent so long silent because the very act of speaking up has been met with the same response reserved for acts of violence, but i can't let people speak over me anymore. we all deserve to have a voice and to be heard!

We all deserve to have a voice & to be heard!! & I’m sorry you went through that anon. The sex pest treatment is a nightmare to deal with & especially traumatizing to undergo in school at such a young age. I hope you’ve been able to reconcile with that shit & heal from it like you deserve. <3

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listening to trans women about their own experiences is absolutely essential to being any sort of ally to them and you should probably be doing it more. it is also not a replacement for listening to trans men and nonbinary people about their own experiences. especially if you are fucking cisgender

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“Trans men & mascs are never treated as predatory for their gender” except for when we’re fetishizing cis gay men (existing as a transmasc gay guy) or fetishizing lesbians (existing as a transmasc lesbian) or fetishizing t4t (dating other trans people Ever) or fetishizing being intersex (existing as an intersex transmasc Especially online) or injecting ourselves with what most basic cishet people (and that’s extremely generous) see as a hormonal aphrodisiac & of course lets not forget fetishizing men and maleness (from “dick envy” to “c*ntboy”) or fetishizing “women’s bodies” (portraying ourselves in art with varying body types especially non-binding & curvy, for starters) or inherently serial rapists of all other trans people (because all men are rapists or rape apologists of course) or correctively raping lesbians (transmasc lesbian consensually dating a cis lesbian) or correctively raping ‘real’ gay men (transmasc gay guy consensually dating a cis gay guy) or

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You have to understand. A cis guy telling a bunch of trans men "no, man, you totally have a bunch of unexamined male privilege, it's just invisible to you like it used to be to me!" is literally another case of Cis Men Volunteering Themselves To Teach Us How To Be Men.

It's the same brand of transphobic garbage as "OK, but if you're going to be a man, you have to cut your hair short and only wear dark clothes and never use effeminate gestures!"

It's not "calling out misogyny". It's talking down to us, under the pretext that we simply haven't learned how to be men the right way, and that we need an Experienced Cisgender Man to tell us where we're going wrong. It is a flat refusal to accept that trans men are capable of navigating and understanding our own lives without constant oversight and guidance.

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the desire to do transmasculine theorizing needs to be underpinned by a strong and unflinching foundation in gender liberation.

ultimately this tends to be the place where most people falter when speaking about trans men/masc people.

often i find (cis)people don’t actually have anything original to add to discourses about trans masculine gender. they simply want to reuse old paradigms of gender/sex and drape it in progressive language.

one example: people cling to assigned gender at birth language despite its obvious limitations and harmful corollaries (in the instance of trans masculinity, reclassing us as female in order to have legitimacy in conversations that affect us [ie reproductive healthcare, employment & housing & medical description, ipv, sexual assault]) <1>

it’s hard to view it as anything other than a failure of language. a failure of imagination.

i’m not trying to shame here. the work of creating good language is hard work. (i (a trans person who has been out for over a decade) have had my own struggles in constructing new languages and frameworks from fragments and depressive spirals.)

ultimately though, i find cis people (often though not exclusively) need conservations around gender liberation to focus or be attributable to cis women in order to understand them. see the reliance on “women’s” health/services and female language (female/feminine health products and assigned birth language.) <2>

im not necessarily trying to speak about the most recent discourse. <3> i don’t have much desire to engage in online discourse. these days, i think often of larry kramer”s “plague! we are in the middle of a fucking plague!” amid a global rise of fascism we (the trans community) have bigger fish to fry than arguing with cis people coming in bad faith.

more generally, i want gender liberation to liberate for everyone struggling with gendered violence and discrimination (not only the people who have the right identities to be cared for). i dont like when these conversations get caught up in a semantics games. telling trans men we need to pick between our identity and our ability to politically advocate for gender liberation is a false choice. i can be a man and be marginalized on the basis of my gender (as all trans genders are marginalized by hegemonic cis genders.)

i have found great comfort is in the works of trans people (a few reference of mine: sandy stone, c jacob hale, susan styker, cameron rich-awkward <4>) the language used varies over the decades. sometimes, it clunks, it chafes. it isn’t friendly and neat and easily swallowable. but to me, its new, its thought-provoking, it’s trying to do something.

i want to try to do something.

my personal tasks ive given myself are to give grace to other trans people. i do not know their story or what harms have happened to them. but i do know what cruel violence and subsequent erasing feel like: maddening and soul-sickening.

simulatenously, it is also for me to be incredible skeptical of any narrative that try to subsume transness into cisness. cis people try to locate who in our community is really the parallels of cis woman and man. it is unhelpful, it is dismissive of lived experiences and it is lacking needed nuance.

conversations around gender liberation need trans people in them because we are often times the peoples facing the greatest brunt of patriarchal harm. and our lives cannot both be valued as full and nuanced existences and chopped up into digestible pieces for cis people to understand.

rather than despair about this double bind, i hope to ask myself:

what are the projects i can work on to help further gender liberation for all?

what are ways i can show up for the trans people in my life?

what language and framework do i need to be understood?

how can that language help others regardless of if they are trans men or not?

now i’m curious: what is the work we are hoping to involve ourselves in? what do you want to see? what can we do together and by ourselves to make that happen?

1: the other corollary being the reclassing trans women as male and how that logic is often used to inflict great harm (physical, sexual, and emotional violence), cruelty, neglect and shame onto trans women and trans feminine people. this logic is also used to exclude trans women from conservations they need to be included in (much the same areas trans men need to be involved in: reproductive healthcare, medical/employment/housing discriminating, sexual violence, ipv, domestic violence, and many more). assigned birth at gender language (founded by intersexist doctors and furthered by terfs) serves no one and liberates us from nothing.

2: just to name a few. this list is not exhaustive of all the instances that cis womanhood dominates conversations about gender/feminism.

3: a cis man posted a series of posts and replies calling out trans men (among other queer men) to check their male privilege and complicity within patriarchal systems. the questions of trans male passing and the social privileges that accompany it (or lackthereof) is not one that is easy to answer. it is not a topic i like to engage with cis people in because i often find cis people don’t have the context (socially, politically or historically) to engage in these conversations respectfully. trans men, like all trans people, have staggeringly worse qualities of life than cis people (cis women included.) the social power and privilege i do have often comes from my race, ability level and class. my transness has been the reason for violence and my body has been the site of patriarchal violence in ways it is difficult for cis people to see without trying to subsume it in a narrative in cis woman victimhood.

4: these are not all the authors i’ve been inspired by but are a small sampling. please send more recs of trans theorists youve read and have been moved by. in times of erasure, we must archive and distribute.

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being a gnc trans guy means every person in your life goes “hey when will you start being more fuckable to me” like twice a month in the style of a life-or-death intervention

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you do know "MRA" is a right-wing dogwhistle because cis men already have rights on the basis of their gender, right? you DO know trans men DON'T actually have rights on the basis of their gender, right? you DO know "TMRA" more closely echoes "TRA", a term used by actual, GENUINE TERFs to compare trans liberation to a right-wing misogynistic hate movement, RIGHT?

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It really is just “we can forgive your blatant racism in favor of advocating for poor defenseless white women, who probably have it worse than most blac— I mean tmoc anyways” forever & always innit

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hey guys make sure to have plenty of Gender Wars "men be like this doodoodoo, women be like this dadada" type of conversations over and over. it is really helpful and not banal at all.