homi3ros3y-blog

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this really stood out to me.

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I appreciate and love each & every one of you!

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(shannonfaheyy)

found this love this

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The reasons I hate you by: Francesca Leon (me)

I hate the way I met you,

and I hate the way I fell,

I hate the way you smile and the things you do so well.

I hate that I cant stay mad at you, stay mad all the way

and I hate that I miss you every time you go away.

you bring me up you drag me down,

I hate it when I see you frown,

I hate your laugh,

I hate your cry,

I hate it when we’re in a fight,

I hate your love,

I hate your hate,

I hate that I care about our ways,

I hate it when you make me laugh.

I hate the feeling when we crash.

but what I  hate the most of all is that I don't hate you,

not even a little not even close not even at all.

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saw this just had to reblog it

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pool days

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same...

https://laughoutloud2017.tumblr.com/

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so I'm kind of in love with this song.

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Support is important!

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new.

     In this blog I am going to share what its like being new to the world fresh out of Treatment. I’ll share a little backstory leading up to why I was sent away so I was born and growing up my father was an abuser in two ways. One he abused substances and Two he physically was abusive. growing up I had a loving mother and then there was my father, at age four my parents got divorced, I really didn't fully understand what was happening until a little later, that has impacted my life deeply. From there out my father moved out and my mother and I moved into my grandparents... that was in December 2004. by the age of six my dad had moved into an apartment over by sunken city, not the nicest area... But, in that apartment complex is where it all started with my father, I’d go there and it reeked of booze and when he drank he got MAD. mad enough to hit me with the belt. I remember some nights after he’d “put me to bed” he’d leave the room ( 1 bedroom apartment ) and go drink and smoke. one time he left me home sometime” while I was asleep, and I woke up and he was gone, I still think to this day he was at a strip club, because when he came back he smelt of booze and there were sparkles on him. When I asked him ”daddy where were you?”  He said, “I went to the store to get you this”, and pulled out a hostest powdered doughnut pack, NICE TRY DAD... it had been over an hour since I’d woken up and the store we get those at was two blocks away. Slowly as the years went on my father moved farther and farther away, First to Long Beach, then to Orange County, then to Texas, and now he’s just  MIA. Last time I saw him was 2011. Sometimes its hard knowing he’s still out there and he doesn't care enough to call and say happy birthday, or to see how his daughter who is falling apart is doing, the least he could of done was called. With him its always the other person who has to make the efforts.

    By the age of 11 I had started cutting myself, by the age of 12 I had started drinking and smoking and by the age of 13 I had been doing all three of those and added a little bit more of the harder stuff. by the time I hit 14 I was at an all time low, I’d dealt with so many different types of abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal.)  I had been bullied, I had been a bully I had been hit and I had hit back I had horrible self esteem, suffered with purging for a while, mood disorders, bipolar disorder, and a borderline personality disorder. I was still cutting, I was just a big mess, I felt so alone, I was so alone... I had nowhere to turn.

     November 11th, 2013 I came to Utah for a RTC for troubled teens                   ( Residential Treatment Center) while I was there my nana died, I went home for the funeral. I missed 3 different Christmas’  and I met this amazing girl named Hailey she was and still is my everything, I lost my bestfriend to suicide, and  I attempted suicide all in the almost two years of being there... Then I got kicked out in April 2015. Then May 10th 2015 I was sent to my new treatment center in Provo Utah... all the Mormons live here, ALL OF THEM, but here at this new RTC it was different the staff were  actually understanding and loving, my first home was Summit, I was placed with this amazing staff she was the lead staff on the home, her name was Tirae, she has been such an impact on my stay in treatment she has taught me how to be grateful for what I have and she just brings me joy. On my second home, Everest  I was impacted by the girls on that home but the girls that were there when I moved over from Summit  those girls were all so amazing, Then I Made a stupid mistake some bitch crossed me so I got my revenge,  then they moved me one last time to my current home Sequoia, I’ve been on this home for the last year of my stay and I am still currently a student on that home until the end of August. I’ve been impacted by many people that have come and gone, Zoe, Devon, V, Shelley, Susie, Kenny, Ana, and Josie I appreciate all of them for all they do. I am grateful  for all of the help they have offered me. and as I go on visits home to California I will be writing about my days, I’ll share some poems, photography, and art. Once I'm home in august ill be writing  about what its like to be in the real world. I'm honestly so scared to come back because I spent 4 years of my life in treatment, my high school years 14- almost18, oh and to those of you who do read my blog, if anyone ever does, I will be here to support you guys, if any of you have struggles feel free to reach out, I will be here.

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A negative mind will never get you a positive life

D.S (via chapel)