honeyedevil

[honeyedevil]

🌊🐾 So many plans, wow~! 💭✨

Anywayyy, I didn’t think I’d start this little entry with such impetu lol, but I’m doing okay mentally! 🧠💗 I made plans for a mini roadtrip to the beach in another state — it’ll be my first time driving that far, so I’ll be extra careful! 🚗💨💦

We might take some cute pics 📸 (if that happens, I’ll be posting them on my Instagram stories~ 📱🌈). I’m also thinking of filming some BTS clips… but idk, I’m not the biggest fan of that type of video 🙈💦 maybe because I feel like they don’t bring that much value? Not that I don’t enjoy watching them or think they’re bad! It’s just... maybe it’s not my thing... or is it? 👀💬 I guess I should try~!

On another note, the home renovations are about to begin 🏠🛠 so I can move in with my partner~ I’m super excited to start this new chapter in my life 💍🌱 Next year’s gonna be a busy one — I’m planning to attend Comic Con 2026 and AX26! ✨🎉🗓

I’m also finally graduating from my master’s next summer! 🎓💐 Hoping I can reach all my 2026 goals~~ ☆彡

As for illustration stuff, I don’t think I’ll be attending any cons soon 😢🎨 but I do want to land a part-time remote job in graphic design — not just for the money, but because I love working in that field so much! 🖥️💌 My portfolio’s already pretty full, but I wanna keep adding to it~ it’s a true passion! ✍️💕

Oh! I also booked a 1-year wedding anniversary shoot for a friend 💞📷 and I’m currently filming a new reel — but the process I’m recording is kinda long, so it probably won’t be ready until Wednesday 🐌🛠️

And that’s all my little updates for now~! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡ Thanks for reading! ✨🍰

[honeyedevil]

Debut of My Mental Illness 🧠🌧️

Lately I've been feeling a bit strange...（；´д｀）ゞ I'm content with what I'm doing, but I'm having trouble with my mind again. I've been really sensitive and down 🫠. I'm a little scared that, even though I'm taking my meds, I might fall into a depressive phase after being active.

Having bipolar disorder in that sense really sucks. It’s like—suddenly I’m glowing ✨ life feels good 🌼 and I have so many things to do... and then out of nowhere I get hit by a garbage truck 🛻🗑️ and become someone else. Someone gray. Someone who only has the energy to shower 🚿 and put on baggy clothes because nothing feels right to wear 🩶. (It does make me appreciate that, when I’m feeling okay, I buy clothes for those days lol 🛍️💭)

Anyway... at least I can still get things done thanks to my meds 💊. My psychiatrist told me that, as a woman, my menstrual cycle and hormonal stimulation can affect me way more than it would a neurotypical person 🩸(๑•́ ₃ •̀๑). (Oh! Speaking of that, I need to go pick up some diagnostic documents at the hospital 🏥 to give to my insurance.)

Understanding myself better is great 💡 but... I get so frustrated with myself (╥_╥). I’m patient with everyone else, but I never give myself a break. No room to breathe, even for a second 💔.

On a lighter note〜 ✨ I did an Anna cosplay from The Lily of the Valley and I looked like a doll 👗(〃ω〃)！When I watched the videos I recorded for TikTok, I almost looked AI-generated or like a drawing lol 🎥💄. The makeup turned out super cute. Shout out to the guy who taught that technique in a TikTok video 💕🙌.

Also! One of my reels on IG did super well 📈✨. I was really insecure about posting it bc I thought the animation I made was terrible 🫣 but it turns out people actually liked it! That made me really happy 💕(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ.

Anyway~ I wanna cosplay ROSE from Marin Kitagawa. I LOVE nun cosplays ⛪🖤(≧◡≦)♡ As for streams, I think I’ll do one where I draw ✏️. I feel safer not showing my face 🧃. It’s just easier for me... I feel like I have to mentally prepare SO much just to record a video (´._.`)💦. Watching myself in real time feels weird. I don’t know if it’s because of the autism 🧩, but it’s not physical—it’s just... uncomfortable.

Even at work, during meetings, I don’t turn on my camera. It makes me feel really awkward 📵(´・ω・`)...

That’s all for now... 🌙🫧 Thanks for reading 🩷！

[honeyedevil]

Anxiety, show and tell (◎_◎;)

Hi there! 🌸

I'm not feeling very well today, but it's more related to women's stuff. Anyway, yesterday I posted a TikTok of Rei Ayanami, since I recently did a cosplay session of her. A lot of people started commenting, and it gave me some anxiety. I ended up closing the account where I usually post things and just listensed to music. Anxiety always takes over me... that's why I've shut down so many accounts in the past — there always comes a point where it overwhelms me, even if I enjoy talking to some people. 💬💔

That's why I always close and reopen accounts to start fresh. It overwhelms me to realize I didn’t understand this part of myself earlier. I wish I had known myself better in the past so I could have handled these feelings differently. 😞

This happens a lot with my emotions. It even happened with my first love. It took me a long time to realize that I loved her. She was my friend, and I never wanted to try anything romantic because our friendship was genuine. But I have to admit I also had romantic feelings for her. 💖

My love was never selfish — I've always believed that people don’t belong to anyone. So seeing her build her life with someone else actually made me happy. 🌈

But it took me a long time to realize that what I felt was romantic love. It's really hard for me to identify my emotions. I feel things, but often I can't tell if it's sadness, anger, or just the need to sleep... It's really strange. 😵‍💫

I like making friends online, and I love talking to people and getting along. But after a while, it overwhelms me. This time, I want to try to do things better, because now I understand myself a bit more. 🤝💬

On the bright side, I’m happy because I managed to set up my own photography studio, and the pictures turned out really beautiful! 📸✨ Though now I’m not sure which cosplay to try next... I forgot to buy a white fabric for the background. Maybe I’ll go get some once I think of another character. For now, I have a bunch of really cute photos. 🥰

I think that’s all. See you later. 👋🌼

[honeyedevil]

Soft Restart ~ "Hello Again, Little Space on the Internet 🧷🫧"

🌷💌✨ Hello, whoever reads this little entry ૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა After some time away, I decided to reopen a Tumblr account as a kind of diary-cosplay blog 💭🎀 Sometimes I feel like I just can’t express myself properly on TikTok or Twitter (I refuse to call it X ╥﹏╥), or any other social platform… I don’t want to make a Facebook page, and maybe this kind of blog isn’t very “modern” anymore, but honestly, I feel like my brain really needs it 💞🧠

This hobby means a lot to me. As a neurodivergent person, it’s hard for me to stick to things, even if I truly love them (｡•́︿•̀｡) I used to have a Tumblr where I posted random stuff, but I closed it a while ago.

I have autism and bipolar disorder, but I don’t feel safe talking about these things on TikTok or anywhere else because of the wave of people pretending to have diagnoses 💔 Right now I take Mirtazapine and Venlafaxine (though I forget sometimes 💊😵‍💫) and I regularly see my psychiatrist.

It’s been really hard to handle my brain while trying to chase my dreams… Even though I’m doing well professionally, in school, and socially, I have to admit: it’s been so difficult to keep up with the hobbies I love—like making videos, illustrating, and cosplaying 🎥🎨👘 When I do things, it’s because I force myself to… because I know I’ll feel sad if I don’t (╥_╥) I’m lucky to have people who adore me and support me in everything I do, but y’know, sometimes that’s not enough when your own mind keeps playing tricks on you and making you feel guilty for the things you can’t do… (｡•́︿•̀｡)

I want to use this space to document everything from a neurodivergent perspective. Maybe people are tired of that lately, but I just want to vent... and maybe—just maybe—someone out there will relate 🫧 Especially if you're someone with a million hobbies and feel weird about how your brain works sometimes (・-・;)

Nice to meet you! I’m Nina ₍՞⸝⸝ᵕ·̮ᵕ⸝⸝՞₎ See you around here soon~ 🌸💻🍓✨