howiactuallyfelt

[howiactuallyfelt]

The Double Edged Sword of Dating Career-Focused High Value Men in Their Thirties (Spoiler Alert: Common Courtesies Can Be Rare)

Before I start writing this post, I have to provide the context of the internalized values that I have for seeking out a mate, that I learned from my parents when I was really young. Education and career are more important than anything, per my dad and mom. That applied to both to myself, and any future partner I hoped to have. despite being not allowed to date all throughout school and college, my parents were still a palled at the fact that I wasn't married by 30. Enter me: a clueless wandering idiot, trying to wonder my way through a field of entitled thirtysomething-year-old men on awkward first dates. Most of the first dates never lead to a second one. Dating is not for the faint of heart, and you quickly learn you are not going to be everyone else's cup of tea. Every first date you go on, you make yourself vulnerable and placed yourself precariously in a position where you can become brutally rejected or ghosted for no reason at all. This sounds very negative, and I want to say 90% of my experiences were amicable first dates, even if they didn't lead to a second. I'm not here to talk about the 90%. That went well, the great young gentleman whose parents must've raised them right. No, that would be a very boring post to read and to write. I'm here to talk about the lowly 10% of the men that have somehow convinced themselves, that common courtesies and human decency, do not apply to them. Let's talk about the guy that decided to tell me what a waste of money. My acrylic side table was when I called him excitedly to show him a photo of this new deal I had gotten. Let's not mention the cardiologists that had to take a phone call every single date that we were on, and despite great conversation, did not want to go on any more dates as soon as it was clear, I would not go home with him. How about the insecure lawyer who decided to stalk me after we decided, we were better as friends, somehow finding my LinkedIn and trying to contact me on email, social media, and phone even after I had blocked him. Then there's the flaky dentist, thought it was OK to cancel dates 15 minutes before they were supposed to start just because he felt a little sleepy, even though it was the third date he had canceled that month. When, trying to communicate how disappointed I was that he had canceled for the third time in a row, the dentist had the nerve to write back "I want you to take a moment to reflect on how preachy what you wrote to me sounded. People are different, and I'm not interested in hanging out now."how are you, the one with the flaky behavior problem, going to lecture me on texting etiquette when you can't even take accountability for your own problem behaviors. It's one thing if these guys were honest about their intentions, or told me that I wasn't very important to them so that I wouldn't prioritize their plans. However, I have issue with the ones that pretend to have a deep interest in me, take me on dates week after week and then suddenly think it's OK to disregard my time and their own word / commitments. A lot of career focused men I am meeting lately, preface every conversation with Singh that they have people break up before due to not enough time outside of career. It's like they don't even care to prioritize a partner in their lives, in which case maybe you should not be on this serious dating app chatting with women who have told you before the first date that they are looking for a long-term relationship. I'm done ranting. Thanks for making it all the way down to this last sentence.

#dating #thirtiesdating #sigh #menamiright

[howiactuallyfelt]

I Went On Fifty Dates & All It Taught Me Was That Dating Is A Terrible Experience For Both Parties 75% Of The Time

Well, the title says it all. Though I will admit, 50 is an exaggeration. I've probably been on about 30+ dates in these past couple months --due in part to a bet I had with my friends, and also due in part two a rapid onset feeling of panicky desperation/ pressure (laid on thick by society & my parents) for me to find a partner to mate with before I hit my late 30s. For context, I am 32 years old. I live alone in a high cost of living city, and I am overweight. Gone are the days of feeling like dating is a heart rushing butterfly, inducing hobby, in which meeting someone you connect to was more common than not. Now in my 30s, dating has become very difficult. It's hard to find someone I actually connect to both mentally and physically, who also wants the same things that I want in life, in or around the same location I want to be in life. And just because all of my requirements are met, doesn't mean that I'll meet all of theirs.

oh, the familiar dance of dating. How is your week going? Good, and yours? What are your normal work hours like? How long have you lived in the city? What's your favorite type of food, and what would you do all day if you won the lottery? do you have siblings, and where are your parents currently? Do you have a good relationship with your mother, or do you still harbor feelings of hatred to the adoptive parent that gave you up when you were two? Do you secretly have a girlfriend right now, or an ex wife and kids that I should know about? Oh, you're going to wait until date six to tell me about your entire secret family? This has been a fun ride. So glad I've been here pouring my soul out for all of it.

This post is just part one of a multiple post series that I am sure to write in the future, clarify, exactly why I absolutely hate dating.

[howiactuallyfelt]

I Watched Barbie, Felt Empowered...& Then The Afterparty Sucked

Well, I watched Barbie Wednesday night with my 2 girlfriends. M is delicate, petite, knows 4+ languages (including Mandarin Chinese which seems like the hardest one to master!). C is sassy, bold, athletic and vibrantly colorful with a mean punch (she boxes literally every single day!). They are both successful, living alone in a high cost of living city, with their own businesses or their own career that affords them real estate. We range in age from early thirties to early forties, but all look about the same age if you glance at us (they are beautiful!).

I provide that very important context to segue into the next part of this post which will be about the fact that we went to a Barbie themed nightclub after the fact and it visually and emotionally took away all the empowerment aspects of the movie that we had just felt. The girls were beautiful (STEREOTYPICAL BARBIE BEAUTIFUL, MIGHT I ADD). They were dressed in skimpy one piece thong bikinis with tights and push up bras, all a perfect teeny tiny body with boobs and big blonde wigs on. The men were dressed as Kens (shorts and a shirt). There were special coconut drinks set up on a table that upon approaching the table, we were quickly notified that the drinks were "for influencers only." WHAT! What. Whaaaat. What has this world come to. The DJs for the night were two itty bitty Asian twins called the Deux twins, wearing high cut bikinis (they were cute, obviously, but could we not just enjoy them for their music instead of sexualizing them too?). Women go-go dancers danced provocatively on the side walls wearing barely-there bathing suits. The men that worked there stood still, demanding respect and space, mean mugging the crowd, meanwhile they got to cover their bodies fully wearing suit and tie outfits in their role as security. In broad daylight I think many of the people we encountered would probably have feigned non judgmental natures, or a false saccharin kindness to hide their true thoughts. Drunk, in a nightclub, you become subjected to the truthful, dark, true opinions people harbor towards each other. Unprompted, a girl that could barely stand up as she passed by me, told me to delete a picture I took of my friend C because she said "Ewww, that photo is so ugly, don't even think about keeping that picture." Wait, aren't females supposed to be on the same team here? What's with the spontaneous woman on woman hate? Later that night, a guy who bought me drinks confessed to me "you have one of the top 5 best personalities I have met in this city, but it's a shame guys won't get to know that because of your bigger exterior. I would go for you, but if I'm being completely honest... I get any girl I set my sights on, and I am going to set my sights on a skinny, healthy, fertile 25 year old girl instead of you, that's just my type." Not sure why he was confused when I decided to leave his company immediately after that statement. "Wow, after I bought you those drinks too?" He muttered angrily as I walked away, completely missing the point of his idiocy.

needless to say I left that night just feeling appalled at the general state of humanity. I have thick skin, so I didn't cry myself to sleep but- it got me thinking...all of these internalize ideals that we outwardly reject in movies and say we don't believe in or judge others against--- are we just in denial? Do we ... or some of us...secretly still harbor these unrealistic westernized ideals for beauty standards as the bar we set other up against? Or do we consider the whole person and their lived experiences equally as much as their exterior like we so often claim to do??