howlinghunters

[howlinghunters]

...

[howlinghunters]

"The prophecy was unambiguous and immutable."

"I know."

"No weapon forged on Earth could defeat the Lord Baarthus"

"I know."

"And yet here we are, you telling me, Lord Baarthus was struck down by the Peasant King. Wielding... just a regular sword. Forged on Earth."

"I know what I saw, okay! The Peasant King walked up to him, shoved the sword in his neck, and then just kept going. It was nasty!"

"Okay, okay, fine. Clearly what's happened here is there's some kind of loophole in the prophecy that enabled this. Happens all the time. No weapon forged on Earth... How sure are you that sword is of this world?"

"What do you take me for? I've done my research. Even tracked down, interviewed the original blacksmith."

"There must be something. Prophecies can't be wrong!"

"I mean... I didn't take stock of her inventory. If it was one of those meteorite swords..."

"No, no. The prophecy didn't say 'No weapon with parts sourced on Earth'. It was pretty specific about the Forging."

"I don't hear anything better coming from you!"

"How about this. What if it wasn't a weapon? The Peasant King... it'd only be fitting for him to slay the Dark Lord with a blade meant for peasantry! Not a weapon, but a farming tool, like a scythe, or a really long trowel--!"

"A long trowel?? It looked like a damn sword!"

"That doesn't mean anything! A ritzy, college-educated diviner like you, you wouldn't know a trowel from a ploughshare!"

"It had a hilt, and a pommel, and it went in a scabbard-- come on! Even if it was some kind of-- newfangled grass cutter I've never heard of, it was used as a weapon, and it was forged to be a weapon! I've seen the ledgers!"

"Clearly you screwed something up, madam, because the Lord Baarthus just got sliced up like an old dairy cow and the prophecy very clearly specifies the only instrument that could bring his end is--!! Oh. Ohhh. Oh, gods damn it."

"What?"

"Fucking... 'forged on earth'."

"Yes, and?"

"It wasn't forged on earth. It was forged on a fucking anvil."

"What? No, you're-- you're joking. That wouldn't-- that couldn't-- what weapon would be forged on earth, by that definition!!?"

"I hate prophecies so much..."

[howlinghunters]

I know I couldn't handle having kids but if I was left in charge of some, I'd take them to the park to feed ducks. Not bread though, you shouldn't feed that to ducks. We're feeding them lettuce. Let the ducks going apeshit over lettuce show the kids that lettuce is actually awesome. When they go home, their parents are baffled by the fact that the kids are now willingly eating salad. In the most horribly animalistic fucked up way possible.

[howlinghunters]

According to old finnish folklore, having a wild animal wander into your house is an omen of death. The bigger the animal, the more imminent the death. A small bird, like a sparrow or a finch, is a sign that someone who lives in the house will die within the year. If the animal that has somehow made its way inside the house is a small mammal like a hedgehog, or a larger bird like an owl or raven, would mean that death is coming to visit in the next few months.

Massive megafauna, like a fully-grown moose or a bear, is a sign that someone will probably die within the next 20 minutes.

[howlinghunters]

I hate googling shit like "why am I still sad and tired when I ate and slept and have been walked and watered" and it's always some shit like "your brain is fried because your parents sucked at handling kids when you were a kid". Like can it be literally anything else sometime, just for the sake of variety.

[howlinghunters]

[howlinghunters]

mentally eel emojis. For the mentally eels

Feel free to use in your servers and if you like what I do, maybe send me a tip? | or join my discord server to see emojis ahead of the queue

[Please read my Carrd before using my emojis]

[howlinghunters]

beady little eyes with big teeths. chomp

Feel free to use in your servers and if you like what I do, maybe send me a tip? | or join my discord server to see emojis ahead of the queue

[Please read my Carrd before using my emojis]

[howlinghunters]

"Your love language is what you were deprived of as a child" actually no you're allowed to want, prefer and like things without everything tracing back to some dormant unprocessed trauma. You can just say you want to bounce on it without having to explain how as a child you always wanted - but never got - a trampoline.

[howlinghunters]

"let men be friends" no they have to fuck each other raw

[howlinghunters]

[howlinghunters]

🌾🌾🌾

Harvesting my wheat

[howlinghunters]

Call your man "rock bottom" the way so many losers consider hitting him up to be the absolute lowest point of their entire lives.

[howlinghunters]

revisiting my long-standing fascination with tigers

[howlinghunters]

Just to clarify, there's a bill that would STOP credit card companies from controlling who's allowed to spend money on porn or "risque" (read: queer) content. If you don't think big business should be able to tell you what to spend your own damn money on, call your senators and reps to let them know! It's the Fair Access to Banking Act, H.R.987 in the House, S.410 in the Senate.

[howlinghunters]

Criminal Minds: Evolution | Emily Prentiss | 16x05

[howlinghunters]

every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am