hrtedhyo

[hrtedhyo]

she got away

p.jihyo x fem! reader ,, sfw

synopsis: growing up with jihyo

content warning: based off ‘the subway’ by chappell roan, angst, slight unrequited, eating disorder mentioned, idiots who are in love? is it love? we don’t know! jihyo is referred to as jisoo for the first half, fluffy for the first half too, kids being kids, y/n is a little stinker, referenced smut but no smut

a/n: monkey covering eyes emoji…thanks!

wc: 3k

Growing up, there was always a nagging presence by your side. And not an existential life crisis looming over baby-you’s crib, but rather something that would cause you to feel life’s most complex emotions - bundled up in a tiny pink blanket, with only a small tuft of black hair curling at the top.

“Gah?” It babbled and babbled, and you babbled back - nonsensical words exchanged and an agreement formed. You would be best friends with this entity for forever, it would have your back and you would have its.

Inseparable.

In your formative years you’d come to learn that the ‘it’ was named Jisoo, and you were called Y/n. Though you couldn’t piece together your ABC’s quite yet, you knew names were important. A name was who you were, right? Before Jisoo had a name, she was just an it. An it. It’s kind of funny, isn’t it?

You saw Jisoo everyday for play dates. She enjoyed your house because you had many, many toys and a big fluffy family dog that she liked to pull the tail on. Everyone relax - you were kids.

And you liked seeing her because it made your tiny heart beat a little quicker.

Over the next few years, you saw her less.

Jisoo had ‘potential’ as her mother put it quietly to your mom. You were in the room next door, coloring in a magnificent red dolphin while Jisoo mushed Play-Doh together to form a…right.

“She’s different,” The hushed voice spoke. “He said he sees potential in her to become something big.”

“What is your mama talking about?” You’d murmured to the tan girl beside you, and she only gave a shrug. You were both eight now, rapidly approaching the big double digits. You couldn’t wait to be ten. You’d be quick to buy a barbie dreamhouse to live in and a million cats.

“I dunno. Can I have that crayon?”

You passed it over reluctantly and she stuck it in the blob with a childish grin and a gleeful coo. “Cat!”

“Wow that’s good!” You nodded, your tiny mind conforming the blob to a cat shape.

“Mi-Ja listen to yourself,” You both quieted at the sound of your mothers voice now. “You’re throwing away her childhood.”

Jisoo frowned, playing with her blob.

“You’re just jealous that my daughter has the opportunity of a lifetime. You never give Y/n any opportunity to become something!”

“She’s a child! She doesn’t have to do anything!”

“Oh, honestly!”

The argument continued, and Jisoo pouted, a whine coming out of her mouth. Instinctively, your tiny head turned and your hands reached to pull her into a hug, patting her back. “Why are you sad Jisoo? It’s okay i’m here.”

The little girl merely cried.

Jisoo was a very emotional child, especially when it came to her mother. She didn’t like to see her mad, and especially didn’t like to hear her voice raise.

“I’m scared..”

You frowned and pulled away. “Let’s go play dollies, okay?”

A sniffle. “…okay.”

Your mother would explain to you in the coming months that Jisoo wouldn’t be around much anymore. She was training to be a singer. One of those pop starts that made money singing their heads off and shaking their bum.

You didn’t want to see Jisoo shaking her bum.

You wanted to see her, infact, you were actively against them keeping her from you. So what did little you do? Ring her house phone every day in order to speak with her.

“Jisoo?”

“Y/n, honey, Jisoo is very busy now—“

“I want to speak to Jisoo.”

A sigh. Followed by long silence.

“Y/n?” Her soft voice, but you could hear the smile on her face. “Are we going to have a play date again? Mama said you wanted to talk.”

Your heart warmed. “I miss you.”

“Come over then.”

“My mom is mad at your mom.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah..”

“…can you still come? we’re only down the street.”

You debated it for a few seconds. “Yes.”

Quickly hanging up, you slipped on your shoes and glanced into the kitchen where your mom cleaned - before darting out the front door and rushing down the street. Jisoo was outside of her house, playing with her hands while she waited on you.

“Jisoo-yah!!!”

She jumped at the yell but a big grin erupted on her face. “Y/n!” And when you were close enough, she tackled you into a hug. “Let’s go inside! Mama bought me a karaoke machine! She says it’s to help train my voice and-“

She went off babbling, dragging you along into her home. But you were so happy to be with her, you didn’t even care about the reprimand your mom would later give you when she realized her child had run off.

“I can’t believe you, Y/n! Running down here like that when-“

“Y/M/N?” Jisoo’s mother had poked her head out, slightly shocked to see you here. She had been cooped up in her room taking phone calls, not noticing the tiny vigilante her daughter had snuck in. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Your mom’s hold on your hand tightened. “I was just leaving, I-“

“No,” Jisoo’s mom stopped, hesitating. “…stay. Let the kids play.”

Your mom paused. It was silent for a few minutes, before she finally agreed.

And that day, for hours you and Jisoo played. You played, and played, and giggled for hours and hours until the sun fell and the moon rose. And then you laid together in her backyard, watching it as fireflies rose around you.

“My mama said you’re going to become a popstar.”

“Yeah., I wanted to be a movie star at first.”

“And you’re gonna have lots of friends and fans.”

“Yeah.”

“…and you’ll shake your bum too-“

“Ew!” Jisoo giggled, sitting up. “No way! I’m gonna be a classy popstar!”

You giggled as well, following suit. “What will you sing about?”

“Our play dates!”

“And me?”

Jisoo nodded eagerly, jumping to her feet and grabbing your hands. “Yes! I’ll sing at the top of my lungs, Y/n is my best friend and I love her dog! We have playdates all the time!”

Your laughs echoed in the yard, reaching your mothers as they sat on the porch - glasses filled with wine, cheeks rosy, eyes adorned with adoration.

“We can’t separate them, Mi-ja.” Your mom mumbled.

“…no, we can’t.”

___

“You’re changing your name?” Your brows furrowed, arms crossed as you laid on Jisoo’s bed - looking up at her ceiling. “Why?”

She nodded quickly, tying up her freshly dyed red hair. “JYP says there are too many Jisoo’s already, he wants me to be unique.” She spoke, running her hands through her hair. “I’ve been thinking of different names.”

You rolled onto your stomach, watching her. You were both eighteen now, and while you had suffered through many phases, Jisoo seemed to remain the same headstrong girl from birth. Especially now that she was focused on the popstar path. “What names?”

“Like… Jimin maybe.”

“Jimin?” You snorted. “You can’t do Jimin, you’ll be accused of copying BTS or AOA.”

Jisoo sighed, crossing her arms. “Well, I wanna keep my J. Jeongyeon changed her name too, you know, in third grade.”

You nodded, remembering the girl from your formative years. Jisoo had other friends, but you didn’t speak to them. You only spoke to her. “Didn’t people call her a boy and she changed it? Not because she wanted to be a pop star.”

“Well, yeah, but-“ Jisoo sighed. “You don’t get it.”

Your heart tugged, and you paused - glancing away. “…right.”

Jisoo stopped, and frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that, stop looking so downtrodden.”

You push to sit up, crossing your legs. “It’s fine. It’s true, I wouldn’t get it. I’m not becoming a singer, or doing anything important with my life.”

Her face fell. “Y/n-“

“Sorry.”

“You know I hate when you beat down on yourself.”

“Yeah I know.”

Silence filled the room, thick and dense silence that felt weighted on both of your shoulders. Jisoo took to quietly folding her clothes, while you looked around her room. What was once covered in photos of the two of you, now had photos of her and her other friends as well. Jeongyeon, as mentioned, and a girl called Nayeon too. Suppose the three of them were a..trio, of sorts.

You clear your throat. “Still going through with the survival show?”

Jisoo sighs. “Y/n-“

“it’s just a question,” You mumble, picking at her bed. “I mean, the whole world will see you. And fifteen other girls. It’s kind of scary.”

“I’ll have to get used to the world seeing me.”

You chewed on your bottom lip. “Mh.”

The silence drifted back. Jisoo really didn’t like when you were quiet. It meant you were stuck in your head, and you didn’t do well when you were trapped there. Reluctantly, the girl tried to lighten the mood. “I heard your mom was doing better, that’s good. I’m glad.”

You nod slowly. “Yeah, the doctors are helping.”

Was that really the end of your conversation already?

The two of you used to chat for hours and now..

God.

This was miserable.

“Jisoo?”

“Yeah?”

“…what if you went by Jihyo?”

____

The months that followed were long and grueling, and you were bored out of your mind during most of them. You were out of school, and your mom had pressured you into attending a university - but then you had to get to put toward the house and -

Honestly, you were so over it.

You wished your life could be as easy as Jisoo’s. Or, well, Jihyo’s.

She’d returned a week ago, and you had yet to visit her - having been caught up in all of your physical and mental work. She survived til the end; and was even placed in a nine member girl group. They’d be called TWICE, something about touching people - you didn’t really get that part, and they’d debut sometime in October. All of this was told to you by the show and Jihyo’s mother.

She’d also told you Jihyo was chosen as the leader in a majority vote. Good for her, she always did have a knack for it. You didn’t have a knack for much.

But, anyway, once the mountain of work was handled you’d venture back to your home town and go to Jihyo’s house - nerves bubbling up as you knocked.

The house was silent for a few moments, before you heard the lock click, and suddenly you were face to face with Jihyo.

“…hey.”

“Hey,” She breathed, smiling softly. ���You came?”

“Course I did,” You mumbled, awkwardly shifting. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here the first day you got back. I got slammed with work and school and-“

“You have a job now?” Jihyo tilted her head. “And school? Are you in university?”

You sighed. You had a lot to catch up on. Jihyo sensed this and stepped aside. “Why don’t we chat a bit?”

____

The inside of her home was as you remembered - decorated nicely with photos of her and her family all around. It was quiet for once, and Jihyo explained her parents had taken her younger siblings to the park to play. She nudged you into the kitchen, grabbing some drinks and asking if you were hungry like any good hostess.

“You don’t have to do all this,” You mumbled. “We’re friends.”

Friends. It felt foreign on your mouth.

Jihyo smiled - and not her fake idol smile either, but a genuine gummy one that made you fold. Was she always this beautiful? Who were you kidding, of course she was. Jihyo was gorgeous, that’s why she would make a great idol. That, and her voice.

“Here,” She placed some food infront of you, though you noticed the way she eyed it keenly. You frowned.

“Don’t you want some?”

“Oh, no,” Jihyo waved a hand. “Way too many calories. I’d feel sick if I ate any.”

Your stomach churned nastily at that. “What are you talking about?” You chuckled, awkward. “This is one of your favorites.”

Jihyo shook her head. “I don’t like it anymore.”

You didn’t like that.

Not that she didn’t like the food, you didn’t care about that, but had she always been this picky?

Jihyo cleared her throat. “So anyways, about this university? What are you majoring in?”

You weren’t really listening to her, instead you were watching her. She was fidgety, and her waist had sunken in a bit. She looked tired, and paler and-

“You haven’t eaten,” You deduced, frowning. “Why?”

Jihyo stopped, her defenses rising. No, no. “It’s not that big of a deal, Y/n-“

You stopped her by laying your hand over hers. She sucked in a breath, her gaze flickering into yours. Your heart sped but now wasn’t the time for that so you quickly pushed it down. “Talk to me, Jisoo.”

“It..it’s jihyo.”

“Whatever,” You rolled your eyes, making her smile slightly. “Just talk to me, will you?”

Jihyo seemed to debate it in her head for a few moments, before she murmured. “It’s nothing, seriously,” She looked down at your food and then away. “I can stop when I want to.”

“Oh…Jisoo..” You stood, walking around the table and taking her in your arms.

Jihyo tensed, but soon relaxed, her hands coming up to grip your shoulders as she nuzzled her face into your neck. She was never as hard as she led on. Deep down, Jihyo was a weak girl.

“…Y/n..” She whispered, her voice tiny and cracking with the wavering strength of pent up sadness.

It’s heartbreaking.

“I don’t like you like this,” You whispered. “You’re..you’re practically freezing Jihyo. When was the last time you ate?”

“…yesterday.”

“Tell me what you need,” You softly pulled away, though still held her waist. The sight of her eyes, puffy and red with tears - fuck this. “Tell me, Jisoo.”

Her bottom lip quivered. “Stay.”

“Okay.”

____

Jihyo lay curled up against you in bed, her head on your heart. No, you didn’t do anything. You stayed with her. You held her. You let her cry to you about how rude the photographers had been, how self conscious she’d gotten. Her fears, her doubts. The diet the company put her on, its strictness. She wasn’t the only one, but to Jihyo she felt alone in it.

“You’re not alone, you have me,” You’d ushered, wiping away her tears and cradling her closer. Jihyo’s lips pushed to a pretty pout, and…god. “I love you.”

Her breath hitched. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she pushed her face into your chest. “Oh Y/n…” Her sobs echoed. Her body shook and she clawed desperately at you. “I don’t want to feel like this ever again…please..make it go away..”

“Jihyo..” You whispered, your hand laying on her head and cradling it close. “My Jihyo…what have they done to you…”

She looked up, sniffling messily. “Please..” Her voice shook. “I just…I just want to forget.”

You softened.

She had a hold on you, that’s for sure. You couldn’t bear to see her suffer.

Her hands reached and laced in your hair, her eyes searching yours. She hesitated, but leaned in - and your lips brushed in a soft kiss. It wasn’t right, you know that. It wasn’t what she should be doing, it wasn't - it wasn’t what she needed. But you couldn’t help but flutter your eyes shut, holding her hips and guiding her back into you, kissing her the same way she kissed you.

And you kept like this the rest of the night, exchanging kisses - pressing your lips down her body. Jihyo bared herself to you and begged you to take her pain away and you did. With every inch of skin you touched and loved, you whispered into the air how gorgeous she was. How perfect.

Every curve. Every feature, the warmth of her fading youth. You greedily took it all in and treated her the way she ought to have been treated for years.

Like a goddess.

“I love you, Y/n..” She’d gasp, her head going back and her hand seeking yours. Your fingers would intertwine as she came down from her high, whimpering aloud. “I love you, I love you..”

Her tired eyes would look down at you, watching in awe as you stared back. “Never leave me,” She murmured. “Please.”

“Never.”

And in the end, when your bodies were broken down and exhaustion weighed heavily on you both- you used up the last bit of your strength to pull her body flush to yours, nudging your face into her neck and whispering how you loved her.

You did. You loved her. All these years you’d loved her, from when you were kids til now. And forever.

____

Jihyo had left the next day. It was the last you’d ever see of her. Sharing something so precious as your first time together - before the idol life ripped her from your hands. And no matter how desperately you wanted to chase after her, you didn’t. Your job held you back, your schooling.

Life wasn’t like when you were kids anymore.

You couldn’t run to her and take her in your arms.

You couldn’t kiss her and swear to the ends of the earth that you loved her.

You couldn’t fix her broken heart anymore.

But you could watch it mend itself. Through years and years of being an idol. She was so happy. That gummy smile that was once reserved for you, a precious light in which you held so dear, was exuded for all who asked. Jihyo had her friends - her family. She had her fans. And she had her career.

She didn’t need you anymore.

She didn’t need you.

She didn’t…

_

“Y/n?”

You blinked, reaching up to rub your eyes. The fireflies around the two of you. Jisoo’s tiny hand was in your own, and she pouted prettily at the way you watched them. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” You sighed. “I’m okay.”

“Good.” She murmured, squeezing your hand. “Wanna go play dollies?”

“…yeah.”

[hrtedhyo]

Requesting! ⟢

hellloooo welcome to my requesting page :3 before you request anything please be sure to read over what I will write, what I won’t, and be sure to check my masterlists to make sure it isn’t already written! also, I AM A MINOR! yes you can submit smut requests, yes they can be detailed if you need to, no I don’t care! just have to let you know :) if you don’t feel comfortable reading my smut / “feeding into me writing it” then don’t read it, easy fix.

main groups : i-dle* and twice (I write for anyone tho!)

* I only write wlw or nblw ,, no men allowed >:( ,, member/member or member/reader

FOR NSFW:

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- no dead dove (ie cnc, but YES consensual somno)

- yes g!p stuff

- yes poly smut

- yes hard kinks

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FOR SFW / GENERAL :

- yes mental health fics

- yes angst, fluff, pining, etc

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- yes any au you want

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[hrtedhyo]

❝ . . . It’s not like i’m falling in love, I just want you ❞

☆ ┆ ⤷ D. s.her + kitty wlw minor [ 17 ] multi-focused

i-dle* and twice mainly ⸝⸝ sfw and nsfw (don’t like don’t read!)

links : masterlist requesting (soon!)

❝ to do me no good, and you look like you could . .❞