hurricane-hufflepuff

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

*Ismelda comes running with something*

MC: let me see what you have.

Ismelda: a knife!!!

MC: NO!!! *runs after her*

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

Please…please watch this.

“Draco called her a what? A mud - oh my god no no no. We don’t use that word. Not in this house.”

“I’m real tired of people thinking that Hufflepuff don’t do nothing. We wrote several very strongly worded letters to Lord Voldemort telling him he needed to knock it off.” 

“I only stayed for the battle of Hogwarts ‘cause I thought they were gonna touch my flower pots and that’s just not acceptable.”

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

In OOTP JK says that some of the fireworks that Fred and George set off are swear words, so like imagine coming out of the Three Broomsticks after enjoying a butterbeer and you turn and see

just floating above Hogwarts

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Fake Dating AU

I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for a while, but unfortunately don’t have the time to write it out. Or at least if I did I wouldn’t do it justice. So I’ve decided to just post some thoughts and invite anyone who would like to take a stab at it to do with it as they will.

For starters Ismelda approaches MC with the idea. She actually wants to be dating Merula, but she’s gay and extra so it’s not like she can just ask. So she goes for the next best thing, fake dating the person she knows Merula hates more than anyone else.

MC is reluctant to agree at first because they don’t really see this ending well. Then Ismelda points out that it could potentially help them figure out if their crush likes them back and they’re in.

They set some ground rules for what being “together” entails. They have to walk each other to classes whenever they can, they have to hold hands, they can come up with pet names for each other, they need to look cuddly if someone is nearby, they need to hangout enough that it seems believable, and if they absolutely have to they can kiss, but it should be a last resort.

At first things aren’t going so well. It’s very obvious that they’re taking every opportunity to use their rules to irritate one another as much as possible. Like Ismelda calling MC “pookie” or MC greeting Ismelda by exclaiming “Darling” and wrapping her up in a big hug. Not to mention when they’re hanging out to strengthen their lie they’re at each other’s throats.

It also doesn’t help that MC’s friends don’t really believe the relationship is real either. If they can’t convince them there’s no way this is gonna work.

So the next time they hangout they agree to take it more seriously. They talk seriously for the first time ever and discover they actually have some things in common. They both have quite a sweet tooth (though they disagree on which candy is best), they’re both fans of the Wigtown Wanderers, and they both think acid pops are a great prank for starters.

After that things start going a lot more smoothly, and they actually become friends. It doesn’t happen all at once. At first it’s just little things like realizing they can be in the same room without wanting to bail as quickly as possible. Then it’s bringing each other candy when they can because they saw the other’s favorite and thought of them. Finally it’s trusting each other and actually enjoying the time they spend together.

Of course all the while Merula and MC’s crush (in Harper’s case Penny) have been losing their minds. Like how in the hell did this happen???!!!

It doesn’t help them that MC’s friends have mostly accepted Ismelda as one of them.

Eventually it reaches the boiling point they’ve always known was coming, and Merula and MC’s crush confront them about the relationship. They ask why they suddenly decided they wanted to be with someone who up until very recently had been their mortal enemy. MC and Ismelda ask why they care so much anyway. Of course they reply that they care because they like them.

They aren’t sure how to handle the reality of what they’d done. They’re thrilled that they accomplished what they set out to do, but they’re also worried they may have taken things too far. The last thing they want is for the people they care about to be unhappy, and they also don’t want to lose the friendship they’d built up.

In the end they agree it’s best to put an end to their arrangement, and that they need to give their crushes time before they even try to go there.

They don’t stop talking and hanging out though. It actually seems to quell the envy that had been brewing in Merula and MC’s crush. It forced them to realize that their relationship wasn’t just fueled by hormones or something. As it happens Ismelda and MC genuinely happen to be capable of getting along.

Once they realize Merula and MC’s crush have calmed down Ismelda and MC decide to talk to them about how they really feel. They reveal the truth of the nature of their relationship, and who they’ve really liked the whole time. Merula and MC’s crush are very obviously caught off guard. They ask how they got so good at faking the relationship toward the end, and Ismelda and MC just explain that it wasn’t that hard to be around each other once they discovered they actually had things in common, but that they also knew what they felt for each other was definitely not romantic in nature.

In the end Merula and Ismelda end up together and MC and their crush do too. MC and Ismelda remain friends, and slowly but surely they begin to integrate Merula into the squad. By the end of 7th year they’re the ultimate curse breaking team and Merula and Ismelda finally get the love and validation they deserve.

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“He pulled Harry’s wand from his pocket and began to trace it through the air, writing three shimmering words:

tom marvolo riddle

Then he waved the wand once, and the letters of his name rearranged themselves:

Mr. Tom, a Dildo Lover

“wait, shit, no,” said Riddle. “

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

JKR said that Hagrid still works at Hogwarts in 2017, which means he’s still been alive these past few decades, and I just really hope someone took him to see How to Train Your Dragon.

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OK but do you realise that since now my MC is a bird Animagus, every time she’s hanging out with Talbott and spots two birds flying, she elbows Talbott between the ribs and cries out “That’s us!”

(Talbott pretends he hates it, but he’s fighting a smile every time. CONSTANT BIRD PUNS. somebody pls draw this😂)

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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ~☆

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It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

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Everyone after the last update

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Party in my Pants (MC x Penny) HPHM

AN: My very first ever posted fic/oneshot?? Honestly I still don’t know tumblr lingo v much. I’ve rlly only had this acct and been active for like 2 weeks. Lol. I don’t know anyone here but I’d love to make friends! So if ur gay &/or love HPHM please hmu! I’d love it! Anyways, it’s just some Penny Haywood fluff cuz I felt the urge to write and I love Penny with my whole heart. Enjoy! :))

It’s not like Penny wanted to disrupt your sleep. She loved it when you slept, it was one of the few times you didn’t seem to have a furrowed brow- whether it be from concentrating on the latest charm they were learning, or from frustration due to the ever constant cursed vaults.

But, you were adamant about how you “only had time for a 20 minute cat nap” and how you were trying to balance all the demands of 6th year along with taking care of yourself. You had learned quickly the first 5 years, that if you didn’t take care of yourself along with everything else in your life, you quickly wouldn’t get anywhere far.

It’s been 30 minutes, and Penny knew if she didn’t interrupt your brief, yet peaceful, slumber, she would be getting a groggy and unhappy MC.

With a resigned sigh and a quiet smile on her lips, Penny Haywood took one last minute to enjoy her surroundings. MC and her were tucked into a corner of the library, where they had a weekly ritual of meeting to study, gossip, and simply enjoy each other’s company while sitting on a cushy bench, looking out the window onto the castle grounds. You were laying in Penny’s lap, quietly slumbering as she played with some strands of your hair.

Although you both were each other’s top priority, and have been since the beginning of 5th year, it seemed to get harder and harder to find time between just Penny and you. Too many cursed vaults, too many rumors to address, too many assignments to finish.

This was one of the few reliable times Penny knew she could get pure, unfiltered, MC. She looked forward to it every week, and although watching you sleep wasn’t usually something they did during their designated library time, it allowed Penny to just simply watch you. Drink in your presence, and be able to stare at your stunning face without it getting weird.

Plus, you clearly needed the rest, seeing how haggard going through the forbidden forest with Tulip and Rowan last night had left you. When you would wake up, she should ask how that went, as you meant to find Torvus and learn more about the latest curse plaguing Hogwarts- and Penny knew just how difficult it was to track down that fickle Centaur.

With a sigh, Penny rubbed the back of your hand and softly brushed your hair out of your face, “MC, you should wake up now… we have to finish up this potions essay.”

You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting to the light coming through the windows. As you did, you noticed how the light hit Penny’s blonde hair, and how it seemed to highlight her cute freckles and long lashes. Just another moment to add to your endless list that reminded you why you loved Penny so much.

You smile up at her, head still in her lap, and reach up to playfully tug at one of her braids. “Yaknow, it’s a lot easier to get up when the first thing I see is my beautiful girlfriend smiling down at me.”

Penny, now with a pinkish hue on her cheeks, squeezed your hand and rolled her eyes. “Okay, you shameless flirt, I let you sleep a bit longer than you wanted to, but we really gotta finish this essay if we wanna make it to Bill & Charlie’s party tonight.”

“We go to parties like every other night practically” you sit up, and kiss her cheek, “I’m gonna throw a party here soon, and you are the only one invited”

“Oh really?” Says Penny skeptically, still holding your hand “where will that party be then?”

You look at and smirk before leaning close to her and whispering, “In my pants”

Penny couldn’t help the massive blush that covered her neck and face as she started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. You smiled unabashedly, at her while giggling along. A couple students turned to look at what the commotion was about, but quickly lost interest when they saw it was just you and Penny. Laughter was always close by when they were together.

“You’d think” Penny says after calming down, “that after being together for so many months, I would be used to how much of a shameless flirt you are.”

MC smiles, looking at Penny’s slowly fading blush. “I’m just always looking for ways to keep the spark alive Pens! 8 months is way longer than the honeymoon phase is supposed to last. Our spark could die any minute!”

Penny playfully pushes your shoulder, “We both know the only reason I still keep you around is for the arm candy.”

You gasped in mock shock, raising your hand to your chest, “And all this time, I thought you were into me for my clever banter and witty intellect.”

You both stared at each other for a second before bursting out in quiet giggles. You giving Penny a quick and loving peck before murmuring “Love ya, Pens.”

“I love you too, but Charlie, Bill, & Tonks are expecting us and we both know we can’t stand all 3 of them up!”

“Oh alright, let’s finish the essay and get back to our lives already!”

Later, you and Penny are walking out of the library hand in hand, with a finished potions essay.

“So when are you thinking about showing up to the party?” you asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Probably 30 minutes before it’s supposed to start?” Penny shrugged.

You gave her a bewildered look, “What? Thirty minutes early? You’re more the ‘fashionably late’ type of gal.”

“Well, I was hoping to leave Charlie’s party early so I could make it to another party. And I figured if I show up early, I wouldn’t be missed if I left early.”

“What other party? When did you have another party to go to?” You said, now thoroughly confused.

“Oh you don’t know? It’s a pretty exclusive guest list so I guess it makes sense how you haven’t heard.” Penny winks.

“Who’s going? And where? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“Oh, I’m the only one attending. Very intimate. You should know seeing as you’re throwing it.” Penny stopped to fully look at you. “You don’t know? I took your invite very seriously earlier and I’m definitely coming to the party that’s, how did you put it earlier, ‘in your pants’.” Penny winked.

You gasped, wide-eyed and caught off guard, as Penny started to smirk. You felt a hot blush creep up your neck as you start to stammer.

“I, ummm, I—“ Penny cuts you off with a tender kiss, changing the moment to something more intimate.

“You can’t be the only one keeping this relationship in its ‘honeymoon phase’ now can you?” Penny smiles, “Now go get ready? I will see you at the party!” She says as she walks into Hufflepuff house, turning and waving at you.

You smile to yourself and touch your lips, thinking about how you could be as lucky to have ended up with someone as incredible as the Penny Haywood.

You then turn and quickly walk to your common room. After all, you have a party to get to right?

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

MC: Everyone has a gay cousin

Penny: But I don’t have a gay cous- oh, oh shit I am the gay cousin, oh my god

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

Penny, jokingly: You aren’t allowed to fall in love with me

MC: won’t be a problem!

(2 weeks later)

MC: wE hAvE a prObLEM

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Tonks, giving MC a Beautification Potion: This is for the Red Cap.

MC: Thanks.

Tonks, holding up a baseball bat: And this is in case you see a piñata.

MC, taking the bat: Uh... Thanks?

Tonks: Better safe than sorry!

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

Since a few of you seem to like Edgar and Allen here’s some more thoughts on the Slyther-twins:

They really don’t like bullies. They can respect wanting to be powerful, but trying to accomplish this through fear is unacceptable. If they catch you picking on someone you can expect a lot of your things to “mysteriously” disappear.

They have a younger sister named Calleigh. She’s two years younger than them and is sorted into Hufflepuff.

If you need a favor from them, but have nothing to offer in return your best bet is to go through Calleigh. If their sister likes you enough to ask them to help you they probably will.

They set up their “office” in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. She likes having people to talk to and they appreciate that she’s willing to act as a lookout for them during their meetings as well as guard their stash of “repossessed” items.

Edgar loves puns. Allen absolutely hates them. If ever you see them apart it’s probably because Edgar made a pun too many.

Allen’s sense of humor tends to be more morbid than his brother’s. He’s the one to go to for jokes about dying. He’s very popular around exam time because of this.

Edgar is very easily distracted. If it weren’t for Allen he would probably be failing his classes (or at least not doing nearly as well as he is) because he can never really seem to focus on his homework for very long.

They’re both very fond of Liz. They admire her passion for magical creatures. The three of them have a study group for the class. They’re considering inviting Barnaby and Charlie to join them.

Edgar’s wand is cedar with a core of unicorn hair, 12 1/2 inches, and fairly bendy.

Allen’s wand is beech with a dragon heartstring core, 10 3/4 inches, and surprisingly swishy.

Allen has a kneazle named Raven. Her coat is as black as her name implies, and she’s prone to attacking people who approcach the twins with bad intentions.

Edgar, on the other hand, has a dragon toad named Lumpy. Lumpy’s fingers (or tongue more often than not) tend to be as sticky as the twins’. It took Edgar a very long time to train him to steal on command, but he is now very gifted at it.

[hurricane-hufflepuff]

As soon as dating is available:

MC: *trying to woo love interest*

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Why Ismelda Won’t Help Search The Vaults

Ismelda: You’re making me claustrophobic.

Barnaby: What does claustrophobic mean?

MC: It means she’s afraid of Santa Claus.

Barnaby: Ho Ho Ho!

MC: Stop it, Barnaby! You’re scaring her!