hyacinthsys

[hyacinthsys]

tbh for me the thing about cbeeduo is that its so like. how am i supposed to look at this dynamic and not feel insane for the rest of my life. like going along w the crushing during nlm hc ranboo fell in love w tubbo at his WORST. they saw some child president who was probably on illegal substances like half of the time with a tired face and forced grin as he got through politics he didnt understand and got insults hurled at him, comparing him to an abusive dictator as he tried to solve a trolley problem (his best friend was on one line and his country was on the other and of course he chooses majority rule but the trolley loops back around anyways and all he did was delay the inevitable) and ranboo saw some 16yr old on his last leg going on about how he felt like he was going to die soon (and hes too too close to the cliffs edge but hes grinning and its like hes really hoping death is a happy ending) and everyone was leaving him and he didnt want all this and ranboo goes follow my voice i wont leave im sorry and they fall in love with whatever virtues there are left in tubbo and decide that they would keep trying to do right by him

and then, inevitably, ranboo messes up and betrays tubbo and tubbos voice shudders and ranboo never wants to see that broken expression of disbelief again so he fights for a country even though hes been disenchanted with it for a while and hes never liked picking sides anyways (but this is tubbo, and if hes choosing tubbo its okay because he cant hurt tubbo again) and of course it falls anyways and tubbo makes a new home and tubbo makes nukes and tubbo makes a plan and then tubbo is on his knees and an axe is held to his neck and ranboo barely gets a glimpse before things are moving forward and tubbo is pressed to her side calling them minutes man again

the marriage starts out as a joke, tubbos never been rich and ranboo only gets richer and tubbo pretends its for tax benefits, hes just a golddigger, because right now its a joke and thats all hes letting it be. but then hes laughing like normal but it feels different and hes looking at the family portrait of the two and michael and hes thinking about bunk beds and he gets a mansion because hes in love at this point because ranboo was there during his worst moments and even as tubbos getting (relatively) better ranboos still there and of course tubbo forgives him because when he met ranboo they reminded him painfully of himself and tubbo cant let ranboo be like him so he falls in love with them instead and if ranboos going to stick by him tubbos going to try and be someone good to stick by

but of course ranboo finds bad influences anyways and tommy is back but different and everythings different and ranboo wont move in so every few days its just him and michael (and god, he shouldnt be a parent at 17, what is he doing with his life? he should have been dead by now) and he tries so so hard to be good for michael and good for ranboo and better for tommy and he isnt really good to himself but thats fine and ranboo is so much better than he'll ever be and michael adores him and tubbo adores him and its fine that the mansion is collecting dust and its fine that ranboo lives by tubbos executioner and the people who helped destroy his country and its fine that he doesnt really know who ranboo is at all outside of his kind husband that was there for him at his worse and its fine that ranboo doesnt really know who tubbo is outside of someone who has been through a lot and needs a good break and its fine that theyre keeping secrets its fine that they never really talk about their problems (its fine that its been months and ranboo still hasnt moved in)

and then they have their first disagreement and tubbo tries to make up for it and it works until they have their first argument and ranboo tries to make up for it but he has to make a point too and they hardly get to talk about it before suddenly time has passed and

and ranboos dead and tubbos a widow and single father at 18 and his (their) son got kidnapped and hes making friends with murderers and hes not sure how to feel about his husbands ghost (and ranboo is so so happy to be dead and ranboo is in limbo alone and tubbo doesnt know how any of this works) so he moves on and his anger gets the best of him and he pushes someone off a bridge and he moves on and he isnt getting better and he moves on and nothings getting better and he moves on and because the dream smp is at its core not that great pretty often theres no closure to any of this ever tubbo dies and loses all his memories ranboos forever a ghost and takes his son elsewhere and thats it the end youre just meant to be normal about all this now. they never learned how to truly trust each other and they were so so in love and wanted to be good for each other but never talked about their problems and now they just Dont Get To. The End !

[hyacinthsys]

ONE MORE DAY... ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!

[hyacinthsys]

IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ

Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.

[hyacinthsys]

gamers, if youre some of the people who have asked me for advice regarding receiving anonymous hate, i am shaking you by the shoulders in hope you understand that allowing anyone anonymity on the internet is always going to warrant hate and hostility. the internet is a bad place anyway, but giving people the option to hide behind the screen means they will be vile and awful for no reason other than the fact they can. there is a huge reason why creators on the internet turn off any anonymous option due to the fact that people are just awful sometimes, because all anonymity does is prevent accountability when people are assholes. be safe on the internet, and do what you can to prevent yourself from getting more upset and hurt. please, i cannot stress this enough. :)

[hyacinthsys]

im being consumed i cant stop drawing these cats someone hold me back

[hyacinthsys]

WARRRR IS OVERRRRR

Hi chronicle 0 will return very soon, honestly was at a bit of a state of paralysis with it as I was being a perfectionist about it a little too much, but ive got something that I like the best although I still dont think its perfect LMAO but we shall see!

[hyacinthsys]

All the love to ya Guqqie!!! So excited for what you're working on!!!

hey gamers i’m gonna ask for a favour! guqqie has been working her little ass off recently on ausmp stuff, countless hours have gone into the server and just making it a better experience for both the community and the players and itd be pretty cool to see some love and support for them :) even just reblogging this with a nice comment so i can show her later

[hyacinthsys]

It's pretty obvious I haven't been streaming as much, and I think it's time to communicate what's been going on.

I've talked about it a little, but basically my heart/lungs have been doing a silly goofy. I don't know much as I've been waiting months to get testing for it, but the combination of not being able to breathe and heart palpitations has led to constant anxiety attacks. The only good resolution to this at the moment has been to reduce my stress as much as possible, which as you guys know is easier said then done.

My job is still my job, and as lovely as it would be to take breaks all the time, I can't just not work. So I've decided to trim back some things instead, and at the moment this includes streaming. Streaming has been slowly wearing me down for a while, maybe I didn't set enough boundaries, maybe I was too young when it started, but in my goal of making other people feel better, I only created an environment where I was the dumping ground for issues/trauma/you name it. I'd end almost every stream exhausted after barely streaming two hours and wonder what was wrong.

Streaming is where I really started as a content creator, and I'll definitely miss doing it, but right now youtube/tiktok are more sustainable for me and my mental health.

I would like to return at some point, but for now it will be an occasional thing for the most part. I'll always be apart of the streamer community though and I'm sure you'll see me live with my friends or something.

Cheers guys,

Sniff

[hyacinthsys]

Ooooo who could this beeeeeeeee

[hyacinthsys]

"are you scared? its ok, i am too"

[hyacinthsys]

the world is lovely, we just get blinded by the rot

[hyacinthsys]

sometimes it’s too easy to forget how beautiful the world truly is, sometimes we just need reminding