iamanemptycup-blog

[iamanemptycup-blog]

You were just a bartender—until a portal dropped you into a world of magic. Now, your cocktail skills blend potions like no one’s ever seen. Healing with a twist of lime. Fireballs with a salted rim. You don’t cast spells. You serve them.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

[iamanemptycup-blog]

To my future wife.

I hope you're calm. I hope we're not gonna be like my parents. I hope we can resolve every conflict with love and care about each other. I hope you take care of yourself often. I hope you can take of yourself. I hope you watch Pirates of the Carribean movies with me. I hope we never shout at each other. I hope we don't hurt each other. I hope the traumas that our childhood has given us will make us feel like we've lived the life we want. I hope you never make me feel unwanted.

I really hope we're calm and collected always. Please stay with me through thick and thin. In sickness and in health.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

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[iamanemptycup-blog]

oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

It's important to keep your goals a secret. According to Psychology, if you say a goal to someone, you're tricking your brain that you have already achieved that goal--which is of course not true.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

We can create anything out of nothing.

The fact that we need successors. Something to inspire us every day is the main factor why art is good. Why everything we see can be created out of nothing. Everything was created out of the imagination of people. Everything that we see. The fonts, the mechanical keyboards, the computers, the genetics. They were only created out of the vivid imaginations of people lying around, bored--nothing to do with their lives.

They were created out of their own empathy. Their own purpose. I would not search for the idea of purpose anymore, but rather, create my own. My own sense of purpose. For now, it's my family, my career, my dogs, my computer and most of all--my ambition to be great at something. To craft my life with the best life that I can.

After all, our lives are nothing but the thoughts that came through our brains.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

My dreams.

I wanna have a shot at my dreams. I wanna be in the NBA. Work for them. Build a community. Build something. I wanna have a big purpose, to help anyone with a big purpose. To help people. To help everyone. I wanna build my life until my 30s. Until my 40s. I wanna have my own business. To go to Dubai, to be something other than a photographer. Other than someone who has a crush. Other than grades. Other than those employee perfomances, I wanna do something good. I wanna do something that get money. I don't care about money, I care about learning. I care about experiences. I care about those things.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

Crossovers and layups

Whenever I play basketball, my head spins like the basketball in the air. If you see me play, I don't know where to look. I have no 20/20 vision anymore. It was long gone, when the era of overworking and underpaid had began in my career. I don't know, it looked like a series of unlucky plagiarized work from a movie character. In the perspective, I do agree that it was.

But it was never my intention for it to be like that. I just want to be myself again during the pandemic. The chill person. The one who doesn't care about what happens in the future. The witty person. The funny person. The weird guy who likes weird stuff. The one who likes to explore. To get whatever anyone wants. The unpeople pleaser. The one who doesn't care about what happens in his career. The go with the flow type of person.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

Anxi

When you come, my head spins

My thoughts spiral down into the abyss like it's flushed down the toilet. Like every single piece of my head is absorbed until. Boom. Nothing's left but my thoughts like the River of Styx--where death lies. The howls of the dead make you want to go linger with them. The river is still flowing, but it has still stayed in my head. I looked in the river, and I see myself--a skull. An empty vessel. Like the end has gotten to me. Hades wouldn't dare touch my soul.

Why would he? If it's already as dead as Tartarus itself. If, in the deepest hell, it had not even occurred to him that I was a soulless vessel just coursing through life.

I looked in the river again, but I saw nothing this time. Not even the background. Just pure black. And then a hand went to me. It was as light as a leaf. As hard as steel. And as soft as the hand of Persephone when I first met her. Why was it there? I wondered.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

Fuck this.

If you don't fuck with life, it fucks you. Hahahahahaha. Magandang gabi. I'm at the point in life again that I don't heckin know what to do wit my life. It's fucked up. I lost so much that I can't even fathom how I lost so much. And they say the 20's are the best years of your life. For me, it's not. My teenage years were.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

Remember

Now I remember, my goal is to not impress people. But to make memories out of my photographs. A journal of my life. That these events once happened. That I was once as vibrant as the trees in Imus Pilot. As peaceful as the sea. As overwhelmed as my sister, who's now in her teenage years.

That I was once that child who had everything ahead of him. Who never was once late for his classes and didn't like to be late in his classes. And I am still a sucker for quotes. A sucker for all things unnatural, and unconventional. Different. Careful. Always thinks of the consequences of what's gonna happen because of his actions. Right now, the words that stuck with me were with that bitch Anri. She never said sorry to me for fucking up my teenage years and not allowing me to make mistakes.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

Here I am again at this point in time that I have no job/s.

But to you, future self. Be reminded that I did this for you and your family. I suffered, tried to get you what you want and wasted a lot of opportunities for you to survive. Please keep going. Keep improving your craft, keep being friends with your friends. With Lance, Jessa, Aloha, Jom, and Shecky.

You'll get there. Good luck there in New York.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

I'm scared

I'm scared that this career of mine would end up badly like my Tita's. I'm scared of failure. Of being seen as incompetent. Of being seen as weak. Of being seen as someone unworthy. I'm scared of being terminated from my job again. Or being shitty again. I'm scared of not being perfect. I'm scared of being late again. Of being traumatized by a girl again. Of knowing someone then that someone picks another boy. I'm scared of all of those things.

I'm scared of doing the wrong thing. But that's what makes you learn. But I'm scared of fucking it up like I always do.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

circuitous 20 minutes.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is really circuitous. I just recently got kicked out of a job that I really want. It's fucked up I know, but somehow the situations weren't right on that day, so I got kicked out. The Manila Traffic is fucking heavy. I didn't know it would take me more than an hour to go from Cavite to Manila. And I didn't know my jeans would be the death of me. I don't know, I feel like I'm gonna burn down my jeans and let them slide outside. That studio was my way out of the corporate world. And now, I really do feel like I've wasted it so bad that it would take me another four years to go to another studio. Or maybe, life would be kind to me. I hope so.

I was late for 20 minutes. Those 20 minutes could've been saved. Right now, I feel like I don't belong to anything. Like every little thing that I worked hard for since I was young was taken out of my life. The camera is still there. But my heart is somewhere out there, the universe have taken it with its cosmic powers. I fucken hate my situation now. I'm jobless again. Surviving, but not drowning at least.

I recently watched a show called "This World Can't Tear Me Down". One of the main characters said. "Currents are scary because you don't know where they can take you. But at least it means you're not drowning".

[iamanemptycup-blog]

The kryptonite of the Gods

Even the Greek Gods couldn’t withstand the power of love. 

The portrayal of love in different stories have lead me to conclude that love—in its most purest form—is something that people cannot resist. It’s eternal. A drop of a love vial can make you go crazy madly in love with anyone. It’s a normal part of the human condition. A chemical that shatters even the highest walls anyone could ever build. A drug.

I remember the story of Greek God Cupid shooting Apollo as he fell in love with the Nymph Daphne. Apollo, one of the most powerful Gods—succumbing to a simple arrow that can make you do anything for a person. This drug kills me everyday.

[iamanemptycup-blog]

At crossroads

I have been a graduate for almost 2 years. Delayed for 1 year.

I am at a crossroad right now, I don’t know what career I should pick. Or should I take my Papa’s business. 

I’ve been offered spot a local publication. I don’t know if they’re still gonna accept me by Friday. Hopefully I get some other jobs. 

I just recently read Jesse Robredo’s message to her daughter. inspired me to go to Tumblr. 

Am gonna start posting now. :)