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EMPLOYEE NOTICE Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity and gas, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. 😉

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In cities, around 20% of the working population are ‘key workers’, whereas it’s as high as 50% among village people.

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I read a statistic that men ejaculate at 31mph, which I think is fine as long as they still have one hand on the wheel.

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Every lonely Geek with no mates needs a robot companion ~ Has no sense of humour, may KILL you. Check us out at https://amzn.to/3bJVQpA

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Dog Rocks Urine Patch Preventer

Help stop those urine burn patches ruining your lawn ~ Check us out at ~ https://amzn.to/3cHKX7O

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ADAPTIL Calm ~ great for dogs with behavioural issues

Ideal for when your dog sees an ASBO as a badge of honour. Check us out at ~ https://amzn.to/2Vu2evv

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PitPat Dog Activity and Fitness Monitor

Accurately measures and displays daily dog exercise and rest, distance and calories. Check us out at ~ https://amzn.to/2xTgpRL

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Turbo Bot Really Rad Robots

Check us out at ~ https://amzn.to/2VW09HY

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Really Rad Robots Yakbot Toy ~ Your back chatting' Buddy

Visit us at   https://amzn.to/34Wdhkl

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Creepy money box. Who says saving can’t be fun!!

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Merge Cube Augmented Reality STEM Toy

You’ll be nerded out with this Merge Cube Augmented Reality STEM Toy

Check it out on Amazon on ~ https://amzn.to/2Vu1sPk

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Anki | Vector: The Good Robot | The Decision

Companion Robots are here. Just don’t fall in love.

Check them out on Amazon ~ https://amzn.to/2XR1MZX

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Bug-A-Salt: Basic Operation and Troubleshooting

More lethal than the Weapons of mass distruction

Use this deadly chemical weapon to decimate flies on contact with the stroke inducing mineral known as table salt. Buy from Amazon https://amzn.to/34UIbJE

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Perfect Combination Of Comb And Hair Dryer] When drying your pet's hair, you can give them a more comfortable experience.The pet hair dryer has the function of hair dryer and pet comb. Check out  https://amzn.to/2zcaffR  

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DREAM IN STYLE: OSTRICHPILLOW LOOP is the revolutionary eye pillow, designed to be a stylish and portable way to disconnect and have a moment for yourself.

Check it out at https://amzn.to/3eDyiEM 

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Duct Tape Engineer: The Book of Big, Bigger, and Epic Duct Tape Projects. Check out   https://amzn.to/3eEYb74 

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Sterling James Co. Laser Engraved “Cereal Killer” Stainless Steel Spoon 

https://amzn.to/3bxE6Oo