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Something of an updated/alternate design for my time-dimension-hopping Trammander baby, Tahanen. If he's going to be crossing across different versions of reality, he might as well look fancy doing it.

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well i had a good almost-week of feeling better but now after teetering on the edge im crashed down back to square one of feeling absolutely fucking garbage about myself

im tired of feeling like i dont matter and im tired of feeling like there's no point in me making things for me because i really am just alone

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He's a knight. Of course he has a praise kink and low self-esteem.

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Trahearne's fourth cat

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writing is so fun

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sometimes i think about the shatterer dating-site page and remember how mordremoth is advertised as a hot single in my area

there is no escaping mordremoth

he is in my area

he is hot

and he is single

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i will take a hammer and fix the canon

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Current mood

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Me when a character starts experiencing an agonizingly, Horrifically, painful transformation :

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I realised I only posted these on my bsky ages ago (like... ages...) and not here too... (๑ˊ▵ॢˋ̥๑)

very pretti boys belonging to @dumb-dumb-mander and @thornandshield... (๑ˊuˋ̥๑)

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reblog if you have skilled writer friends and you're damn proud of them

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sorry, i have no 'main blog', but i just need a void to scream into

the best part of self-hatred is the 'being trapped in your own head' part; the reality of knowing you're fucking up and somehow being completely incapable of stopping yourself. the way you sabotage yourself and just throw oil and a match on everything and go 'yeah, that's fine', while the rest of you yells and wonders what the fuck you're doing

that's what things have felt like lately

whatever going on in my brain is so dedicated to making itself miserable that its there looking at any positive thing in life and wondering how to fuck it all up, i guess

maybe that's why i've felt like shit the past several weeks.

some poorly wired neuron that keeps highlighting the moments of hurt and when i've felt wronged and won't let me focus on anything else. the same neuron going 'didn't (x) make you upset?', 'aren't you uncomfortable about (x)?', and yet going 'but keep that to yourself. you know you're lucky to be tolerated. don't fuck it up by talking about it'

it takes fuck knows how long of turmoil and feeling shit and tears and being down until i relent and wonder 'how can i talk about it'

but by the point i get there, i'm already so far past self-sabotage and so full of hatred at myself for being upset with other people in the first place that i just... fuck it all up anyway. give myself more reasons to hate myself because i make my own misery.

fuck up is the best way to describe me, i think

getting caught up in my own mental warfare with one side demanding for acknowledgement of something that's made me unhappy, while the other half wanting to pretend it doesn't exist and that if we try to smile and push past it things will be fine and it's all 'not like that' or 'blown out of proportion anyway'. the second half is the stronger army, of course. of course.

cause the second half thinks we don't deserve to be hurt when we're worth so little to begin with

and i think my favourite part. is always going to be that in the yearning to not cause problems, to beat down the tiniest sprouts of negative feelings as they grow and act like they don't exist, is it just ends up with causing the biggest problems of all and being hated regardless. by yourself. by them.

days like this i wish i can shut down and wake up as someone else. anyone else that just isn't me. what a wonderful fuckin' thing that'd be

but for now,unfortunate,y, i'm this thing

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doin' that 60 story again yeaahhh

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So we all ship Isgarren and Mabon, but the question is who's top and who's bottom?

(Also I really love TSaS )

IDK why but this ask sent me. Thank u anon, I really needed a smile put on my face lately lmao.

I think considering their personalities and just how long they've been together (hanging around at least roughly a bit less than 10,000 years) the chances of them having switched things up a few times is astronomically (HAH) high. That said, Mabon is such a 'do everything for everyone else' kind of guy that he probably tops more frequently. It's also kinda what happened in a fic of mine that I hadn't manage to finish and post before it got nuked from orbit when my computer decided to peace out.

(Thank you so much; I'm really hoping I can get the drive to re-write and work on Chapter 3, but my motivation for making stuff has been pretty out of whack recently especially on a more serious project like this TTwTT;;)

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offline sketches

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what I think will happen if I message my mutuals

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