idonthavefriendssoimventinghere

[idonthavefriendssoimventinghere]

I think I'm empty

I've thought that I had forgotten how to write a long-long time ago. Then (as always) I find, that the paper, the keyboard, and the blank document has always and will always be my best advicer when I do not know what to do. I feel as if something's wrong. Something's not right. I'm searching for something in someone, I'm searching for a spark, that sudden flame which I have felt before - and I can't seem to find it. The problem's not with them tho, I thought it's them but it's not. I don't know what's missing. He's kind, tall, polite, his kisses are oh my god, and he's funny too - and even so it felt like all I wanted was his body. Everything went according to plan. I've felt the butterflies, the chemistry, it felt right, and I kissed him back. Even so, I heared him speak, but I did not listen. I only wanted him to hug and kiss me again, and again, and again...

So that's it? This is how it's gonna be? I'll be desperatly aching for someone's touch when frankly I do not feel the spark of love in my heart not even for myself, nevertheless for anyone else? Can I afford the luxury of playing with his feelings 'til somehow, maybe, in the future I'll feel like I love him? Should I just feel free, laugh and kiss without tags? Because I felt okay. It was all okay, more than okay. Then it hits me.

The reason is of my emotionlessness is not because of him. It's because I'm empty. I've been robbed of my feelings. I've been robbed of my love. I gave it all. People who did not deserve it, took it away and I don't have anything left, and now I wish I could've met you sooner.