ifijusttryharder

[ifijusttryharder]

Some words of advice, TW:ED, SU*C*DE

10 years ago I first signed up for tumblr, and while I found a lot of fun things like anime fandoms and poetry, I also unfortunately found the pro-ana community. I won’t go into detail about what that tag or any of the relating posts did to me (mainly because I know it’s always a competition who can be the skinniest, the sickest, or the ‘strongest’), but I do want to say- after taking a break from tumblr from the age of 16 to my current age of 23, I am very disappointed to see that this so-called community is still active. If I could say anything to my 13 year old self before starting what would be a 10 year struggle of recovery and relapse and recovery again, it would be this: one day you are gonna realize that it doesn’t matter how small you get, you will never be satisfied with the size or look of you body as long as you treat it like the enemy. Your body exists to serve you, you do not exist to serve other people with your body.  

I told myself that I was going to end my life if I reached a certain weight at the age of 14. Here I am, now one hundred pounds over that weight; happy and healthy (yes I can still be healthy, the scale is just a number and means absolutely nothing once you learn about actual body composition and muscle mass). And though I still struggle with the mental and physical affects (yes, the physical affects still follow me 10 years later), I fall in love with myself a little more every day. If anyone is struggling to start recovery or just want to talk, I am here. 

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You’ll Be The Death Of Me (B.F.)

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I Just Out Grew You (B.F)

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These Are Hard Years (B.F.)