ihavea-universe-inmymind

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

This post is almost five years old. I feel like all 270 of you deserve an update. In July I will be 4 years without (traditional) self harm. Obviously the road has been bumpy but all things considered, I'm a lot better. I still have urges. I still occasionally have food guilt. I still have body dysphoria. But it doesn't feel like I'm drowning anymore. He was a narcissist. So was the next serious relationship. But I am genuinely grateful to be alive.

I hope everyone who related to that post is still with us. I hope you found things to love about being alive.

Me: *has been crying*

Him: Hey baby... Know what? You're beautiful.

Me: *shakes head*

Him: But... You'd look better in a wedding dress.

Me: *attempts a smile*

Ana: yes, after the wedding diet.

S/H: if the scars are hidden. I'm thinking selves... Or maybe gloves.

Suicidal: I would look better in a casket.

Depression: I'll probably wreck it all first.

Anxiety: you probably actually hate me and are trying to shut me up.

Me: *cries harder*

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

I Tumblr... I think its time I started Journaling my recovery again. I know probably no one who follows this blog still uses this garbagefire website. So be it. I think I tried to pretend the person who started this blog doesn't exist anymore. Like maybe if the angst wasn't mine the trauma wouldn't be either. But here's the thing. I dated another narcissist. I didn't learn my lesson. And I feel like I'm back at square one (although I know that I'm much stronger and safer than I was five years ago). So here we go. I need to learn how to be vulnerable again.

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

“Every time you set a healthy boundary, you’re saying yes to recovery.” Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves is not a selfish act— it’s essential for our wellbeing. Listen to your instincts • identify your emotions • set your limits • maintain your needs • and respect others people’s boundaries 💞✨

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

being lex luthor kinda sorta requires being a genius, elon musk got start up cash because his family stole an emerald mine from zambian miners 🤷🏾 nothing but wealth and privilege

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

I am a simple bisexual. I see a woman with a knife strapped to her upper thigh, and I go ‘hggghhkkkkk’

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

You have permission to eat. Even if you:

haven’t exercised

eaten too much yesterday

eaten too much today

don’t know the exact nutritional value of the meal

have gained weight

aren’t feeling hungry ‘enough’

feel like you don’t deserve it 

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

New rule: ur not aloud to be a goth if youre transphobic

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

“Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it” is honestly the best thing you can say to me when I say im sad/in pain etc.

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

- bioluminescent ocean

- the northern lights

- the first snow

- campfires

- sunsets glittering off of the city

- the way city lights look at night from an airplane

ethereal things to stay alive for

flowers blooming

hugging someone after a long time

wandering in bookstores

late night talks

listening to vinyl records

walking through forests

the smell of rain

dancing late at night

fairy lights

seeing jellyfish

listening to nature in the morning

flower meadows

[ihavea-universe-inmymind]

not being able to identify ur own emotions be like. i’m in a mood. a moody mood. the kind of mood that feels…. moody