ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

Cautiously Optimistic

So there’s this guy (yeah, I know, every story starts with a guy) and he makes me smile, like ear to ear. And sometimes I blush when he texts me his silly jokes.

I really want to make out with his face. But we are going very slow. He’s divorced, like they separated one year ago in February. So, I’m not pushing. We are both broken and healing individuals hoping that this thing is more than just physical attraction. Not that I have done anything more than hug him. [insert face palm emoji]

Did I tell you he still talks to his wife everyday? Oh yeah, they work together... and well I would say since some people at work still think they are married.

All I want to do is kiss him. Just a kiss, to see if we have chemistry beyond just hanging out and texting.

OMG, then you have the other side of the coin where he looks similar to my ex. Like, come on, apparently I have a real type! But the differences are so vast, it makes my heart swell with excitement.

He doesn’t know I smoke. And he doesn’t drink so I’m not to sure the whole getting high thing will work for him... But I guess it’s still early yet. I have all those ex-wife insecurities to get over before it will even be a topic for discussion.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

Can I just check out?

Can I check out of life for a day or two? Literally everything is making me so angry! i sit around clenching my jaw like no other trying to keep from screaming my head off. adulting is too damn hard right now. all this stupid stuff that makes life mot worth living...

im changing my depression medicine and i hate it and almost everyone around me. Like, you dont get it, dont say youre in the same boat when clearly you arent, and havent ever been, and dont know any of my background or the shit i put up with everyday that you would crumble under. I hate people so much! and I think this medicine can go kick rocks!

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

I love this progressive life

I’m a feminist. I and I happy that I grew up in a time where we have progressive ideas about sex. I don’t feel shame or regret when I have sex, and I think its because of woman's liberation, and us as a society started talking about things that were once taboo.

I’ve had sex with four people in the almost two years I have been having sex. And maybe that number is high, and I wouldn't openly tell people that, but every decision I have made about sex I am ok with, and absolutely not ashamed of. Some were serious relationships and some were for fun, and in my head before I engaged in sex I made the conscious decision that I would accept all the consequences of my actions. So one nights stands were fun, relationships were good learning experiences, some showed me I sometimes drink too much, some showed me how to love myself. My sex life is my business, but I want you to know that it can be anything you want. And that what you thought being a ‘good girl’ meant, doesn't have to be the same now as it was when you were 18 or 21. 

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

Long time no talk.

I laid off the weed for awhile because I had surgery.

But life started getting to me so I hopped back on the wagon.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

People touching my nipples turns me on.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

I think when I wake up tomorrow my heart is going to hurt. 

via weheartit

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

Lets stop looking for the person we used to be. The day has changed us so much.

Sometimes I want to go back to who I used to be before my depression got bad again. But that girl isnt here anymore. She may not be able to endure what I have endured. I get stronger every day, I bet that girl couldnt keep up with me now.

via weheartit

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

All the signs were there

Yesterday he posted a picture of him with a girl being all close and cute and staring at each other. EW!!!!! but he posted it on FB with a heart as a comment. Yeah, so, he’s obviously not into me. And its not like all the signs werent there. He wasnt texting me as much, not as flirty,  not carrying on conversations very well. And he went and moved job sites, and that totally make him get together with the dumb girl that I am almost positive he worked with at his other site. Like now that they dont work together they can give things a try. Gag ME!!!!!!! 

I erased him from my snapchat. Because I cant keep looking at the faces of people I’m into and wondering why not me? Its a bad cycle. I have to do this a second time with craig. because a year after I worked with him he got a new girl friend and I took his number off my phone, I hid his FB stories, I honestly hadnt thought about him in forever before he showed up on tinder. 

The past week I have been trying to, but it hasnt worked. Now I wonder how I’m gonna box back up my feelings and put them away. Maybe Ill have to work through some of my shit so that the feelings can disappear.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

I guess I’m the idiot here

When I asked you straight up two days ago if you thought we were going to go out again, you could have said no. I wanted a straight answer so that I dont sit around and wait for your ass to do absolutely nothing. 

I got the hint now, I really do. No longer will I send you cute pictures, I wont drive by your work to see if youre there, I wont imagine your hands on my body. 

My heart was so excited as the possibility. And its been hoping for it for a very long time too. Now I really do have to box up these feelings and say good-bye to what might have been. 

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

A Cover Letter

I have just completed a soul crushing cover letter.

For whatever reason I let them get the best of me. I forget all the great things I have done, feel like I am equal to everyone, and cant really brag about myself at all. I really want this job though, so I pushed through today.

Its complete! Hopefully it gets me one step closer to the position.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

I hate texting

This new love interest is horrible at texting!!! short, few word answers and not a lot of back and forth. How and I supposed to convince myself that you like me if you never text?!?!?!?!?!?

Was beginning to believe he didnt want me, but oh no, then the other day he texts me, we go out, end up back at his place.

My mindset is so weird because I am kind of wanting to do this whole “dating” thing, the kind where you date a number of people with no real “boyfriend” and so with this new guy I want him make me feel like a priority to him, but Im actually not looking specifically for that right now. So basically I am fighting in my head if I should go to see him every time he seems to squeeze me into his schedule, or to not be available sometimes.

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

“Be careful” is what i say.

via @extramadness

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

think about it.

via @extramadness

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

There comes a point where you just love someone, not because they’re good or bad. You just love them the way they are.

(via love-diaries)

*** see previous post***

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

Is this true about the boys you once had a crush on?

Should I wait for him to make the move? Is he ready for a new relationship? Will I still feel the same spark? I think Ive grown, what if Im not who he remembers? What if nothing is ever as good as I have now? 

Our situations have changed. We are both single (ish)... I told my ex I loved him last night... I really do. and Ive been feeling it when Im with him for like two weeks. Sometimes he makes me feel so great, and totally loved for who I am, with my flaws and all. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I have flaws, but then I remember there are things he doesnt like about me either, and thats why we sometimes clash...

via @defineyourgrind

[ilikeyoumorewhenimhigh]

I lie to myself. 

And Im working on it... well, trying...

via @extramadness