im3oldforthis - Tumblr blog

[im3oldforthis]

I think I am in a real relationship. With him. My buddy. I'm excited and terrified at the same time.

[im3oldforthis]

Nearly all of these apply to me, I don't own a weapon. I know I don't want to die, but I'm scared I'll surprise myself one day.

21 Ways To Tell if Someone Is Suicidal | Psych2Go (new video march 11)

[im3oldforthis]

You know that feature in FB where you can put in an alternative name (most, I think, put down their maiden name or some such). I put my "new" name there. Sort of, trying it out. No one's commented anything (perhaps no one's noticed it). Anyway, little steps, little steps.

[im3oldforthis]

In think I accidentally came up with a new name for myself :0 Completely out of the blue. There's this nursery rhyme I used to love. I learned at some point my father loved it too and wanted to name me after a character in it, but he was told it was mostly a boys' name, so he changed his mind. This is perfect. I feel giddy.

[im3oldforthis]

I'm on Valium now. Does absolutely nothing. Also heard some disturbing news regarding my health. I made the mistake to open up about my feelings to a couple of friends. The other one didn't reply, the other said :( A v shitty day.

[im3oldforthis]

So yeah. Pretty much slept through Monday evening to Wednesday morning. Woke up to go to the loo and also top up with drugs and downed them with beer. At least I had the sense in me to set up an emergency appointment with a doctor, and I'm seeing him tomorrow. At the moment I feel extremely happy, I don't recognise myself from what I wrote in those earlier posts. I am truly messed up, aren't I?

[im3oldforthis]

I have no plans for the next 48 hours. I'm seriously considering taking those drugs. If and when I take them, I'll be sleeping over 20 hours, I'll wake up a bit croggy, but I'll feel better (unless of course something goes wrong and I get sick and won't wake up and suffocate, highly improbable that though, I've done this before succesfully). It's not like I'm bored or anything. I have plenty of things I'd like to do, it's just that I find everything utterly sad. Everything feels desperately wrong. My whole life is sad wanking rn, you try your hardest, but you'll cry as you cum nevertheless. Nothing gives me pleasure. I'm reduced to tears if I try and remember the things I used to enjoy. Literally nothing works. Not even cat videos. I'm sobbing bc I don't have a cat of my own. All these silly little things and I make them huge.

[im3oldforthis]

My depression is getting worse. I've been getting worse well over a year. New meds do nothing. I really can't see myself ever getting better. What is the point of this? All I want to do now is maybe take enough drugs to make me.sleep for a day, only unfortunately I have the kids with me, so that's out of the question. I'm a shitty parent, I can do nothing right. My oldest yelled at me today "Why can't you just be normal like everyone else" when all I did was smiling at something funny she said, I wasn't being mean, I was genuinely happy, apparently that is not perceived as normal. I'm counting minutes to when I get to be alone. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with myself. Nobody can, not even my kids, as it turns out. I can do nothing right, I am worthless.

[im3oldforthis]

news travels fast

[im3oldforthis]

He didn't even msg me, it was my birthday, and he didn't msg me..

[im3oldforthis]

I am starving for romance. There have been so many interesting men I've encountered ,these past few days, none of them interested in me. Every day however, at least one pretty girl has tried to chat me up, and I'm not even exaggerating. I must be eminating some sort of desperation, I don't know. I see they are pretty and all, all young, blonde, fashion forward, petite. I don't understand why they are interested in me.. What am I doing wrong, I feel like I am wrong. I feel so lonely. I need love.

[im3oldforthis]

This is so me I want to cry

Hi! So I'm a trans guy, I think, pre everything, so like, I have all the wrong bits u'know. The thing is, I'm also gay. And a bottom. I'm gettin top surgery, but am really hesistant about bottom surgery, only I'm afraid I could never find anyone to accept me as I am, physically. Could a gay man love someone like me? I've never even heard of anyone like me, and sometimesI think there's something wrong with me. Sorry if this is a stupid question.

There are plenty of a gay trans men out there with cis male partners. Real love goes beyond the physical aspect of a relationship so if someone really wants to be with you, they will make it work. 

This isn’t a stupid question but I get it a lot and it makes me sad to see so many men think they are unlovable because they were born with different bits.

Kyle

[im3oldforthis]

tfw you want to shout out from rooftops you've had the D

[im3oldforthis]

Oh Gods above. I'm drunk and ffs there's this REALLY CUTE guy here, he chatted me up even tho he's with someone, I can see, she's right over there, and oh jeez I just want to take him home and have my way with him, gaaaaah. He's very much alike to my fuckbuddy from when we were 10 years younger, so I guess I have a type, dear god I want him bad. I almost txtd my buddy, thank gods I didn't, I swore I wouldn't. K thnx bye, I don't know why I posted this. I'm too drunk.

[im3oldforthis]

I recorded a brief little comparison from my one week on testosterone to almost 3 months on testosterone 

[im3oldforthis]

I'm over the moon: a relative described my new deoderant "manly", and another one said I looked like a man on a selfie I took on Christmas Eve. I take those as compliments even though I don't think they were meant as such.

[im3oldforthis]

Yes I have, way too many times.