imnotlara

[imnotlara]

The City Passed Me By

my city felt strange today. not mine— like the hand of a stranger brushed past me at the bus stop,

familiar, but not quite right.

too warm, too real, not welcome. close, but not at all.

I stepped in, and distance bloomed like smoke. I don’t know what to make of it— I showed up, and the whole city passed me by.

maybe the city doesn’t want me anymore.

I arrived, but it didn’t notice. it just kept moving.

[imnotlara]

To love is to let go

I wanted to take care of you

I wanted to worry about everything

I wanted to love you.

But we both know how it would have been.

Stress and overwhelming pain.

Like reading the last page of a book

before even starting it.

To give us a chance is like beating a dead horse.

That’s why I think

now that I’m away,

we don’t have to drag each other down

to the dark pit we met in.

We might have pulled each other out of it

for a little while,

But things like this don’t last

I’m scared to love you.

[imnotlara]

A letter to God,

Why did you make me like this? Why did you put in me a love that the world calls a mistake? A love between two girls. If you are love, why do you condemn me for loving another woman? Why did you make me feel this, knowing it would be so difficult?

I never asked for this. I never asked for this pain, this fear, this weight that suffocates me every time I think of her. You know, I tried to be someone else, I tried to follow the path they told me was the right one. But I could never do it. So what does this mean? That I am cursed for loving who I love?

I prayed. I asked, silently, every night. But you never took it away. Didn't you hear me? Or is there really nothing to take?

I just want to understand… Why did you give me this love, so strong, so true, if society says it's wrong? Why did you let me be born to live in constant fear of being rejected, not only by others, but by you as well?

If you really love me… then tell me. Tell me I'm not a mistake. Tell me I can live this love without hiding. Because, honestly, I don't know how to keep living like this, with this weight, with this guilt.

How do I accept your love, when I fear you'll never accept mine?

[imnotlara]

✨️•☆About me☆•✨️

Welcome to my space. Here, I share my feelings through words—thoughts that overflow, loves the world insists on silencing, doubts that echo inside me. I write because I need to, because keeping it all inside would feel like suffocating.

✦ About me:

☆I am 16 years old.

★I am from Brazil!

☆My pronouns are she/her

★Rock music is my favorite, especially when it’s filled with emotion and a touch of melancholy

☆I am a HUGE fan of Evanescence

✦ What you’ll find here:

☆Words that carry real feelings, even when they look like fiction.

★Reflections on love, identity, and the weight of hiding who we are.

☆Songs that make me feel exactly what I try to put into words.

If you’ve ever felt alone in what you feel, I hope my words can, somehow, embrace you.

[imnotlara]

•When my love is a sin•

Sometimes, I wonder what it truly means to love. Not the fleeting kind, but the love that spills over, filling every part of me, turning reality into daydreams. A love so pure it should need no permission. But then the world presses in, whispering that loving her is wrong. And I shrink myself, trying to fit my truth into a space that was never made to hold it.

I see girls my age loving freely, their hands held without fear, their futures spoken of without shame. And yet, for me, love feels distant—something forbidden, something I was taught to hide. Perhaps the pain is not just in the absence of touch, but in knowing that to love a girl is, in itself, an act of defiance.

I dream of a life with her—of a home, of quiet mornings, of love unfolding without fear. But no matter how much I long for it, I know the world may never allow me that softness. And though I fight to believe there is nothing wrong with me, doubt lingers. Because in the end, what hurts most is not love itself, but the weight of having to hide it—even from myself.